Family parenting styles and their impact on child development

Every parent wants to raise a successful, healthy and happy child. But we all come to parenting with varying degrees of preparedness. Our choice of relationship strategy with the baby depends on this.

Modern adults live in an era of change, when patriarchal orders that have been established for centuries are being replaced by new ones. We have generations who grew up in the difficult Soviet era and have lost strong ties with their family. This greatly influenced the upbringing of children. After the movement towards communism was recognized as unsuccessful, many were faced with a choice: how to properly raise the younger generation and what to prefer from the many concepts of education? Ideas compete with each other, and yesterday's dogmas are harshly criticized. However, they are being replaced by other trends, which will also be revised over time.

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All new principles of raising children, as well as well-forgotten traditions, fit into the basic styles of education. They are not affected by any social, political or economic events, even on a national scale.

We will talk about what types of family upbringing there are and how they influence children’s destinies in this article.

Authoritarian parenting style

It is typical for adults who seek to impose their decisions on a child in a harsh manner. It manifests itself in management methods: orders, instructions, threats, prohibitions, criticism, manipulation, which causes fear, guilt and shame. With this style of parenting, relationships are built on coercion and categorical instructions in a raised voice. There is no manifestation of affection, sympathy, care and love.

Parents' attention is focused only on their values, interests, and desires. For adults, a child is absolutely stupid, helpless and weak-willed. His main task is to do only what and only as he is told. Children's initiative is suppressed, parents completely control behavior. It is important that the child is dutiful and obedient, because an adult “knows better and will not give bad advice.”

If a child does not follow directions and resists, sanctions may apply, including physical punishment. An authoritarian parenting style is scary not only because of the potential violence, but also because of the consequences of moral pressure.

Methods of authoritarian parenting style:

• coercion - suppression of the child’s desires, lack of significance of his opinion, forcible imposition of the point of view of adults;
• threats - control through fear of possible punishment due to disobedience;
• criticism - humiliation of human dignity under the guise of a desire to improve something;
• ignoring is a type of moral pressure that is difficult for children to endure.

Through authoritarianism, adults develop a person who is comfortable with themselves and who will try to “justify their expectations.” However, this will most likely turn out to be one of several masks that a diligent student puts on for his parents. What happens to the child outside the family and how he behaves with others may be unknown. We cannot exclude age-related crises, during which diligent behavior can develop into deviant behavior.

What are the consequences for children

An authoritarian type of upbringing brings a lot of negativity for a child. Physical punishment is only a small visible part. It is much worse with the consequences of moral violence. Children raised in authoritarian environments often have the following traits:

1. Loss of individuality It is difficult to have your own opinion if you are forced to live according to the voiced, only true scenario. Problems can become especially aggravated during the period of searching for a vocation, choosing a future profession and post-school education. Often, applicants enter universities chosen by their parents, get a job without seeing the point in it, and then become disillusioned with their career. Having matured, psychologists recommend that such former children begin to develop their opinions with simple everyday questions: what should I wear, without asking the opinions of others; where to go on a free day without reading reviews; what I want for breakfast, without focusing on the food preferences of family members, etc.
2. Low self-esteem Timidity and shyness, which appeared due to criticism, do not contribute to activity. Children are afraid to express themselves; they are sure of failure. Is it worth talking about achieving happiness if a person initially believes that he is not worthy of it?
3. Dependence on other people's opinions Follows from the first two points. If a child does not understand himself and knows in advance that he is doomed to failure, then he looks for confidence outside. After all, the core inside is destroyed, which means you need to ask adults whether he is doing everything right. When the importance of the family decreases, other authorities begin to perform this function: friends, leaders, bosses, etc.
4. Duplicity A sweet child, the pride of his parents outside the home, may look for ways of aggressive self-realization. In such cases, abuse of animals, early addiction to alcohol, tobacco and drugs, “light” crimes (kleptomania), prostitution, searching for one’s victim and acting out on her (for example, bullying) are possible.
5. Victim position The opposite style of survival, when it is easier to accept the role of a victim and go with the flow, denying one’s responsibility for what is happening (infantility).
6. Health problems Psychological violence does not go unnoticed. Neuroses, anxiety, OCD, as a result of the impact on the child, seriously affect the quality of his life.

Unfortunately, many of the negative consequences of an authoritarian parenting style greatly poison the lives of grown children. And they, in turn, without working and growing themselves from the inside, inflict trauma on their children.

Subtypes of partner family

Above we have given a description of an ideal union where equality comes first. There are also different interpretations of the partner family, which have a number of features.

1. Patriarchal democratic family.

The peculiarity of such a union is the dominant role of the husband in various matters. Such a family is built on the same principles: respect, patience, concessions. However, equality is already eroding.

At the same time, it would be wrong to consider such a family purely patriarchal. Although the man has the last word, he will still listen to his wife. There is no violence or other destructive processes that can appear in pure patriarchy.

2. Matriarchal democratic family.

In such a community, everything is the other way around: leadership is transferred into the hands of a woman. Democracy manifests itself in situations where a husband can still influence his wife’s decisions, and children have the right to express their opinions and be listened to by their mother.

Liberal style of raising children (hypocustody)

In its absolute manifestation, hypoprotection erases the line between parent and child, placing them on the same plane. This parenting style is the opposite of authoritarian. Adults do not give strict guidelines, do not define specific boundaries of what is permitted, put freedom and equality at the forefront, do not observe discipline and indulge all the desires and whims of children.

There is no desire or ability to guide the child. Many important events are not ignored, but also not spoken about, which leads to permissiveness. This can be called the motto of this type of education.

The child is left to his own devices, with minimal adult participation. Therefore, the baby uses every opportunity to realize his desires. No control, no instructions - everyone is free and equal. You have to pay for this by gaining experience, “filling your bumps” or escaping reality.

The liberal style of education has the following features:

1. The child gains independence. Most often, much earlier than necessary and in a much larger volume than one can bear.
2. There is no constructive help from adults. Real help is replaced by avoiding the problem.
3. There is trust in your parents, confidence that you will be understood and accepted for who you are. Also the ability to share and discuss all disturbing topics. Perhaps the only advantage of this type of upbringing.

How will a child grow up with a liberal-permissive style of family education?

Left to his own devices, without guidance or help from adults, a child easily gets lost in life. It can be difficult for a small person to bear the weight of freedom, which weakens the psyche. The lack of clear rules, schedules and routines leads to increased anxiety, which can manifest itself in hysterics.

Perhaps you have seen discussions about a photograph of two adult men (father and grandfather) standing over a three-year-old child lying on the floor in a store? This is an example of non-interference on the part of adults. It’s nice that others don’t make comments that would necessarily happen in a society with an authoritarian parenting style. The absence of boundaries from the outside can lead, instead of searching for confidence within, to searching for such a point outside. Then various addictions are possible, which illusorily create stability: gambling addiction (immersion in an exciting virtual world), drug addiction, alcoholism, dependence on a team or an opinion leader, etc.

Infantility and irresponsibility are manifested by an unwillingness to take responsibility for one’s actions. Transforming into adults physically, morally and psychologically, such children do not part with childish behavior. The reluctance to live according to a schedule, perform housework, look for work, move away from parents, and solve one’s problems is combined with the ability to shift responsibility to others.

Lack of empathy and understanding of others leads to problems with socialization and friendships. Society is not very fond of those who are clearly different from the average representatives. At the same time, in a hypoprotective family, the child did not receive a sufficient response. And if parents forgive a lot, then in society an irresponsible attitude threatens with consequences for which the child is not ready. This is how plans collapse, hope and faith perish, disappointment in people and in life appears.

An incorrect assessment of one’s own strengths, ambition, and unpreparedness to face harsh realities can leave one out of mental balance for a long time. Phobias and depression may appear.

Parents' indulgence of children's whims leads to a rapid loss of interest and lack of willpower. Frequently changing goals, quitting things halfway, and low concentration negatively affect school performance. At the same time, one cannot fail to mention the other side: a child who is constantly in search has a better chance of realizing himself and finding his place in life than one who receives instructions on how to live.

Therefore, one cannot fail to mention the positive aspects of liberal education:

1. A great opportunity for self-realization through understanding oneself and developing talents.
2. The child’s interest in understanding the world does not fade, which means he will be successful in narrow areas.
3. Building warm and trusting relationships between parents and children.

What is family?

From a specialized dictionary, a family is a small social group whose members are related by marriage or blood, and are also interested in organizing cohabitation and mutual assistance.

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If we compare our society with a whole organism, the family in it will be a separate cell. The proper functioning of the entire mechanism depends on these “cells.” Therefore, the family is a unit of society, the well-being of which directly affects the present and future.

Democratic style of family education

The democratic style of education is also called authoritative. Perhaps this is the most favorable type of education for a child, which is based on respect for rights, recognition of uniqueness and nurturing responsibility.

He is good at harmonious relationships within the family, which requires effort from parents. If adults are not ready for change, then the “best” for them will be an authoritarian (“it will be as I say”) or liberal (“do what you want”) style of education. In them, emotional and volitional costs are familiar to parents.

With the democratic type everything is different. Parents understand that another person has appeared in their lives, equal in rights and needs. And this means an increase in both financial costs and emotional, physical and psychological ones. Money won't pay off. Only full participation at all stages of growing up.

The democratic style of education is distinguished by the following features:

1. Respect for the child, recognition of his individual characteristics, interests and desires, mutual understanding within the family.
2. The presence of rules, regime and discipline (as opposed to the liberal style). The rules are not imposed peremptorily, as in the authoritarian type, but are explained. That is why the democratic parenting style is characterized by mandatory talking, explanations, open questions, discussions and compromises.
3. Balance of punishments and rewards.
4. The personal example of adults is the basis of education. Will a child be able to trust parents who teach but do not follow their principles?

The authoritative (democratic) parenting style has its drawbacks. And these shortcomings are on the parent side. Adults need enough internal and physical resources to adhere to this type of upbringing. There are situations when it is easiest to give instructions or, conversely, to let everything take its course. Maintaining your authority in the eyes of children can sometimes be quite difficult. You have to constantly improve and look for answers to unexpected questions, be ready to compromise and keep your word. We can say that the democratic style of parenting always involves changes for the parent, but not everyone is ready for this.

How will a child grow up with a democratic style of family education?

Of course, it is impossible to answer this question unambiguously. Family education is the foundation for personality development. It builds a person’s character, which is formed and adjusted throughout his life. However, we can draw general conclusions.

Life according to established rules and adherence to routine and discipline develop strong-willed qualities, instill confidence in the future and reduce anxiety. The authority of an adult is based not on intimidation, but on respect. This is a fundamental difference from the authoritarian style.

The adult's position remains at the leadership level, but actions and actions are always explained so that there is no misunderstanding or double standards. Openness to dialogue promotes trusting relationships, so the child understands that he is heard, that he is important and is safe. The balance of punishment and reward creates responsibility and awareness. The baby receives adequate consequences for actions that he could have assessed in advance. Minimum surprises increase confidence.

Children's activity manifests itself positively: the child is interested in learning, sets goals and makes efforts to achieve them. Children who grow up in an atmosphere of respect have adequate self-esteem and can make the right decisions. Developed empathy helps build strong and healthy relationships. Living in stable, friendly conditions allows you not to run away into addiction and make a choice in favor of personal safety and comfort.

Psychologists consider the democratic type of upbringing to be the most favorable for a child. With this approach, children grow up to be independent, responsible and successful.

Family functions

It doesn’t matter what goals a married couple pursues or what type of family relationship they want to build. Forming a family involves the emergence of certain functions, including:

• Birth of children.
• Interaction with children and development of motherhood/fatherhood skills.
• Development of economic relations, satisfaction of the material needs of all family members.
• A source of love, respect and psychological protection.
• Communication with family members, mental relaxation.
• Primary socialization.
• Intellectual and physical relaxation.

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In real life, it is not always possible to see the fulfillment of all the listed points, but a “standard” example of the presence of all functions is a democratic family. What it is? What features does this type of marital union have?

Nurturing parenting style

If the liberal style of parenting is otherwise called hypo-custody, insufficient care, then the protective style is called hyper-custody, that is, excessive. With this type of family education, adults pass off their desires as children's, and excessive care becomes frightening. This is how children's individuality is suppressed, manipulation and psychological violence are used.

Most often, mothers and grandmothers “sin” with this, which manifests itself in:

1. excessive worries for the child. Therefore, every step is controlled
2. intimidation and threats. There is no open dialogue, compromise or consideration of the child’s opinion.
3. children are by default considered incapable, unreasonable incompetents . Therefore, it is easier for adults to deprive a child of activity and independence, leaving all the initiative behind them.
4. the child is always in a constrained position and experiences psychological and moral pressure. Adults may physically punish in order to bend them to their will (toxic relationships).

Figuratively, this style can be compared to a stuffy room, which is furnished with everything necessary for living. But these objects hinder movement and prevent you from taking a full breath. Over time, you don’t want this, because the air in the room is stale, stale, and the window is opened extremely rarely.

What are the consequences for the child?

A child, broken by his beloved adults, has a hard time living with overprotection. This can lead to a lack of willpower, inability to make decisions and take deliberate actions. Unfortunately, such guardianship completely replaces life concepts to please the parent. If, with an authoritarian parenting style, children have the strength to rebel, a chance to leave the family and get rid of pressure, then it is difficult to escape from overprotection at any age.

Going through age-related crises, the baby learns to separate himself from other people, but in the case of overprotection he is not given such opportunities. This is how a dependent person grows up, for whom it is easier to be led than to be proactive. Learned helplessness, lack of motivation, laziness, immaturity, cunning, deception lead to problems in learning, socialization, communication, and getting into dependent toxic relationships. “Mama's boys” who do not know how to live independently grow up in families with overprotective care. Dissatisfaction with life and lack of happiness in the most extreme cases can lead to thoughts of suicide, but excessive attachment to the reaction of an adult will not allow this to happen. As a result, a person cannot build his life and is forced to act according to someone else’s scenario.

As a rule, getting rid of excessive worries on your own, without psychological help, can be difficult.

Alienated family parenting style

An alienated parenting style is most often observed in dysfunctional families. There is almost no participation of adults in the child’s life, and the baby is left to his own devices. It is good if parents provide security, food, hygiene, education. Unfortunately, often unreliable parents do not even do this. In these cases, social services stand up to protect the rights of the child.

How is this parenting style different?

1. Indifference of parents to the fate of the child and emotional emptiness.
2. Abandonment of a child, lack of control over him.
3. Addictions among family members (alcoholism, drug addiction)

How will a child grow up with an alienated style of family education?

The unfavorable consequences of an alienated type of upbringing lead to serious psychological problems. The child’s self-esteem is at a minimum, and isolation and hostility give rise to total distrust of the world and aggression. This is how the baby announces himself to the world. Neglect can lead to abnormal changes in the family when parents adopt children. They are forced to grow up early and learn to solve adult problems as best they can.

The likelihood of realizing your potential, revealing your talents, and living a happy life is reduced to zero. Teenagers who grow up with distant parents often end up in trouble with the law.

A favorable outcome with this style of parenting is possible only as a result of a change to another. This happens, for example, if a child has a caring guardian in the form of another relative (grandmother, aunt, etc.).

Good father and mother have good children

A small human being needs parental love, which provides him with life and security. As you grow older, it becomes not only a source of well-being, but also performs a support function and affects emotional and mental health.

Attention

It is important for a child to feel cared for. Sometimes he even forgives shouting and beatings, but the lack of warmth and detachment is difficult to forgive. Children from such families more often than others end up in bad company and join the ranks of drug addicts and alcoholics. Correct mental formation occurs only on the basis of love. Moral behavior and balance of character are born from deep psychological contact.

Parents should be interested in everything, even the naive problems of the child, they need to observe all the changes in his consciousness. Manifestations of such contact are variable, depend on age, individuality and do not arise by themselves. Relationships need to be actively built.

Studying specialized literature, consultations with psychologists, knowledge of methods and methods of education are necessary, but not enough. Mutual understanding and contact are established if the elders are sincere, only in this way will the child feel affection and care. Each family builds its own system of interaction, individual conditions that influence the development of the child’s personality.

Chaotic parenting style (inconsistent leadership)

Modern parents may not be ready for their responsibilities, and therefore chaotically search for their own parenting style, rushing from one extreme to another. Inability to negotiate (immaturity) gives rise to an explosive mixture of different, sometimes diametrically opposed, methods. This leads to a chaotic parenting style or inconsistent leadership.

This type is characterized by:

1. impulsive actions instead of logical behavior of parents;
2. a large number of conflicts, quarrels, scandals. Parents cannot agree with each other; there is no respect and mutual understanding. A child often witnesses scenes of a showdown between adults.

How will a child grow up with a chaotic parenting style?

In chaos, he is deprived of the basic need for security. He has no trust in life and self-confidence, fear of the unknown and phobias appear. Against the background of these negative emotions, anxiety disorders and concomitant diseases develop.

Lack of stability and clear norms of behavior lead to loneliness and inability to live in society. Such an adult has poor self-control and responsibility. Instead of developing strong-willed qualities, it is easier to blame everyone around and attribute life’s failures to circumstances. Without the ability to understand oneself and one’s desires, to set and achieve goals, a child who grew up in chaos is lost. Difficulties in studying and communicating make him withdrawn and disconnected from reality, as if he were living someone else’s life.