Features of education and psychology of a child at 3 and 4 years old

Much has been written and said about the three-year crisis, yet it takes many parents by surprise. Psychologists deservedly call it the most important stage in personality development, along with adolescence. When raising a 3-4 year old child, psychology gives advice designed to help family members overcome this difficult period, and they are outlined in this article.

How a three-year-old child develops, why a crisis occurs

At 3 years old, the baby’s brain is already well developed, so he can do several actions at the same time and control the body. This opportunity is considered the greatest achievement of a child at this age. The skills he masters now will remain forever. Gross and fine motor skills are being developed. The baby needs to be involved in household chores, sent to a club or kindergarten.

There is an active development of the body and psyche. The toddler develops speech, playing skills, communication with others, and his own “I”. The crisis arises due to a leap in development, the formation of one’s own personality.

The baby is no longer satisfied with the previous behavior of his parents; he wants his personality to be taken into account. It is important for loved ones to be wise and patient, since the character of their child depends on this.

The development of one’s own “I” can last from several months to 2 years. The main sign of an imminent crisis is recognition of one’s reflection: if before the baby called himself “This is Kirill,” now he will say “This is Me.”

The list of the main signs of the crisis is presented:

• negative;
• stubbornness, obstinacy;
• self-will;
• autocratic behavior;
• We devalue adults;
• hysterical fits.

Development of speech and articulation skills

At two years old, a child understands a lot and often speaks well; his vocabulary quickly expands. You need to talk to your baby as often as possible. It has been noticed that children with silent parents master speech much later. Phrases should be concise, but at the same time emotionally charged. You cannot distort words when talking to a child.

Children who have sisters and brothers speak well already at the age of 2 years. They express themselves in simple phrases about what is interesting to the baby. Older children use actions and commands in their games that require execution. This helps develop speech skills. This is not the case in games with peers.

In the games of two-year-old children, an adult or older child should participate, who initiates joint actions (for example, preparing Easter cakes, building a house). This will help kids act collectively, compete and interact through speech.

A manual on child psychology for parents of 2-3 year old children recommends:

• play games with imitation sounds. Kids love it and at the same time develop articulation skills;
• look at books and invite him to complete simple phrases himself;
• pronounce or sing complex words;
• study the properties of objects, for example, soft toys (color, size, temperature, etc.);
• learn tongue twisters and songs.

Parents play an important role in the development of a child's speech. Much depends on their efforts and patience. But you shouldn’t harass your child with continuous activities and comments. The development of speech should be carried out in the form of a game and end at the moment when the preschooler loses interest and his attention is scattered.

Meaning of Parental Restriction

A ban is a boundary for a child set by parents for his benefit. It has an important educational function—it forms the perception of reality in the child’s mind. The little one learns to understand when to stop being capricious and how to behave with other people.

Of course, children are not happy with parental prohibitions and may become angry and offended, but adults need to understand that these boundaries play an important psychological role in the proper upbringing of a child. Thanks to them, boys and girls aged 3 feel parental care, calm down and begin to get used to discipline.

Unfortunately, in our time there is a pressing problem when parents, who “grew up” on numerous prohibitions, allow their child a lot. With age, the child will develop a serious dependence on manipulation and provocation, immaturity, and capriciousness.

The second, very serious parental mistake is the abuse of prohibitions. The result of such upbringing: a timid, timid and indecisive person who will consult with his parents before making a decision.

In order not to encounter the above problems, parents need to justify the ban. It is important for the toddler to understand why certain actions are prohibited.

Based on the root causes, prohibitions can be conscious or unconscious.

Conscious prohibition

Involves parental protection of the child from unpleasant phenomena. For example, by not allowing the baby to eat ice cream or drink cold juice, the mother will protect the baby from a sore throat.

This also includes prohibitions that help develop the concept of discipline in a child. If they are not used, there is a risk that whims, tantrums and the desire to manipulate will become habitual phenomena for the child.

Another reason for a conscious prohibition is habit. The child’s parents unwittingly copy the educational methods of their parents and forbid their children the same things that were forbidden to them in childhood.

Unconscious prohibition

Adults resort to unconscious prohibitions for the following reasons:

1. Underneath them lies worry, resentment, and irritation.
2. Envy. Without allowing something, a parent can involuntarily remember his childhood years and compare it with the life of his baby. A shortage of beautiful toys and clothes can provoke envy, which will result in an unconscious ban. This ban does not have a protective, educational function.
3. Anxiety. Excessive parental care can often harm a toddler. For example, he wants to get a cat or a dog. By taking care of a pet, he will understand what responsibility, duty, and discipline are. But parents may think that the pet might bite the child. As a result, the baby is refused.

To summarize, we can say that parents should not:

• use a judgmental tone;
• prohibit your favorite activity;
• abuse prohibitions.

Tasks for children who have not yet mastered speech

A 2-year-old child does not always know how to speak. This should not be a cause for concern if he understands when he is being addressed, fulfills his parents’ requests, and looks straight into the eyes during communication. He will definitely talk over time. We need to talk to him more, read books, sing songs to him. It is also important for intellectual development to use fine motor skills.

The formation of speech depends partly on the physical development of the baby. In addition to fine motor skills activities, he should be allowed outdoor games (riding a bicycle, climbing on sports equipment, stairs). It is useful to purchase a sorter toy with at least 4 different shapes. During the game, you need to name the geometric shape and feel the boundaries of the contour with your fingers. Place into the appropriate hole.

The boy cannot be limited in pouring water and pouring any objects from one form to another. You just need to first create a platform that is easier to clean. You can make appliques, cut out, sculpt balls and sausages from plasticine, and draw shapes. All these actions are beneficial for the baby's development.

Baby's temperament

It's no secret that kids have different attitudes towards prohibitions: some are calm, some play around, and some become simply uncontrollable. Psychologists have proven that there is no point in using the same approach, since each child has his own temperament. Considering this, you can find a common language even with a problem child.

If you ignore his temperament when raising a child, this can cause not only disobedience and numerous problems, but also complete personality degradation.

It has been proven that if in childhood a person often suffered from curses and beatings, he is more prone to alcoholism and drugs. It is difficult for such people to communicate with peers.

At 3-4 years old, a child’s temperament begins to manifest and his behavior is formed. Psychologists remind us of the importance of distinguishing between the concepts of “temperament” and “character”. The first is the type of nervous system given by nature, the second is upbringing, with the help of which you can compensate for the disadvantages of temperament.

There are four types of temperament. Let's look at each type in more detail.

Sanguine

It is not difficult to raise such a child, since he is always in a good mood. Typical signs of a sanguine person:

• no mood swings;
• mobility, desire to communicate;
• good nervous system, high self-esteem;
• good sleep, quick awakening.

Sanguine people are cunning - they will never do what they don’t like. Parents need to be careful not to unconditionally believe everything the child says.

To teach a sanguine person order and discipline, parents need to explain to him in a calm tone, without shouting. It is also not recommended to overpraise a sanguine person, as this can provoke “star fever”.

Melancholic

He is in dire need of attention. Children with this temperament are sensitive, easily upset, and offended. For them, the scream of an adult is tantamount to physical punishment. Melancholic people are endowed with:

• sensitivity;
• rapid fatigue;
• difficult adaptation to new conditions.

Parents of a melancholic person should not punish him for slowness or shame him in front of others.

Phlegmatic person

This child is different:

• lack of emotion;
• slowness;
• ability to sleep more than 9 hours.

Based on this characteristic, parents are not recommended to verbally explain the requirements to the child or passively spend time with him. To prevent the baby from growing up inert in the future, he needs to be involved in active games and shown by example how to behave.

Choleric

A child with such a temperament is a perpetual motion machine. He needs to be constantly on the move, but he rarely completes anything.

Choleric stands out from others:

• emotionality;
• mobility and noise;
• disturbing dream.

If you do not deal with a choleric person, he will develop into an overly emotional, aggressive and antisocial personality. In order for him to begin to obey, you cannot be aggressive and overprotective with him. If a choleric person begins to cry or scream, parents need to speak in a calm tone. The main task of adults is to be balanced in conflicts with a child.

Each toddler mixes 2 temperaments. It depends on upbringing which type will be dominant.

Annual independence

One year old boys love to make a fuss. In any situation, they find a reason to show their character, achieve their goal and force others to obey.

Raising a one-year-old baby is the main stage in the development of personality. During the course of a year, the baby develops, in addition to character, other qualities: perseverance, determination and self-confidence.

Treat such a phenomenon with calm and patience, do not even try to “remake” its character, be patient and show leniency. Don’t be afraid to once again show your love for him. During this period, boys need it no less than girls. Parental care, warmth and hugs will not bring him any harm.

How to raise a boy? A question parents ask all the time. It’s important not to overdo it. The baby needs so-called self-actualization, self-affirmation. Therefore, there is no need to treat his requests and opinions as something stupid and unnecessary.

Difficulties of parenting

Parents are often shocked by changes with their baby. His taste begins to change; previously favorite games become annoying. A child can argue with adults and act out of spite. It often happens that a child wants to do something, but does not do it. More often than not, tantrums appear on display.

Surely each of us has seen how a child begins to cry a lot and stamp his feet in a public place, demanding that his desire be satisfied. This situation is aggravated by the judgmental words of others. As a result, mom/dad has to fulfill the baby’s whim. If no measures are taken, the child will manipulate adults at every opportunity.

But you also need to be extremely careful with severity. Parents should not “block” any natural manifestation of the baby with their screams. If you constantly yell at your child, he will stop wanting to do anything and decide that it is best to be calm and sit still. If he does not feel parental love, he will become accustomed to learned helplessness.

Studying the psychological characteristics of children aged 3-4 years, psychologists came to the conclusion that the combination of a strict mother and a kind father has a negative impact on the child. The baby begins to take the side that is convenient for him at a certain moment.

Some parents consider it quite normal to drag their child into a marital quarrel and force them to take the side of one of the parents. In order not to lose loved ones, the toddler can choose 2 behavior models:

1. Tries to be good and obedient, experiencing constant anxiety.
2. He indulges himself on purpose so that his loved ones will rally around him.

Divorce of parents has an extremely negative impact on the psychology of children 4–5 years old. If he sees that there is no love between his parents and they live together for his sake, the child begins to suffer from an unconscious, deep sense of guilt. It is important for parents to understand that children of this age understand more than adults think.

Useful tips for parents

1. A child at this age strives to do everything on his own, although he has practically no skills for this. In this case, it is important for parents to allow the child to do everything on his own, even if they clearly understand that it will be difficult for him to do this. Personal experience is the best teacher. You need to be patient while watching his actions; you need to give him more time to complete this task than an adult spends on it. Don’t forget to praise your baby when he succeeds, how great he is, that you are proud that he has already grown up.
2. There are times when a child begins to be stubborn, insisting on his request. He does this not because he wanted it so badly, but because he made such a decision. The best solution in this case is to offer an alternative in return, without insisting, wait a few minutes, and let the little stubborn person make a decision himself.
3. Sometimes a child acts contrary not only to his parents’ wishes, but also to his own aspirations, because this is not his personal decision, but his parents ask him about it. Therefore, instead of ordering: “Let’s go for a walk!”, you can simply ask the child about his personal desire: “Little one, are we going for a walk today?” Here you can use a little trick by asking your child a question, any answer to which will completely suit you. For example: “Shall we go for a walk today in the alley or in the park?”
4. A riot on a ship is a kind of protest reaction to parental pressure; violent children's energy still comes out in the form of strong hysterics and outbursts of anger. Of course, this is a kind of release, but along with it the baby receives severe stress, which lowers the immune properties of the child’s body. Therefore, when the baby is hysterical, it is better to wait it out calmly, and then explain how to behave correctly in this situation, do not try to do this when the baby is hysterical, it is useless, these are the characteristics of the fragile human psyche.

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How to get out of a crisis

It is important for parents to understand that the changes occurring in the child’s behavior are a natural process that nothing can influence. During a baby's crisis:

• speech, will and independence, creative abilities develop;
• imitation of elders is observed;
• socialization develops;
• the basic concept of a sense of security is formed.

At three years old, the baby opens the boundaries between himself and the world around him, he learns to distinguish between what is permitted and what is prohibited. At this time, it is important for parents to explain to the child that he must respect others and be able to sympathize.

If a three-year-old child is sent to kindergarten, his socialization occurs much faster. If there are problems communicating with other children, parents should explain to the child why it is necessary to share with others, and when to refuse.

If your child wants to do something on his own, don’t forbid him. Thus, he learns to evaluate his capabilities and get used to independence.

Also at this time, it is important to instill hygiene skills: eat carefully, wash your hands, brush your teeth, get dressed.

Born to be a man

A win-win option to show your joy about raising a true man is to name the baby with a real man's name. That is why it is better not to take dual names, which are also worn by women. But the accepted attributes for boys in the form of blue clothes and blue strollers are not very important in the formation of a masculine character. This is rather a signal from the parents that they have a growing man.

A strong and reliable protector - and one wouldn’t dare say that about a baby who hasn’t even learned to speak yet, but grabs his parents by the hair with his small, grasping fingers.

However, you can look at it with different eyes, clenched palms are a real fist, the requirement to constantly suck is the makings of a healthy appetite, and loud screams are the commands of a young commander.

Using a positive example for education

Having survived a crisis, it is important to understand that a child is a separate individual who strives to understand the world and become independent. It is important for moms and dads to find compromises in raising a child, try to maintain his trust, and not break emotional contact.

An English proverb says that raising a child begins with raising parents, so loved ones should set a positive example for the child with their behavior.

The need for independent decisions

At the age of three, a child wants to be independent. Allow him to do some work himself, teach your child to help around the house. Let him, for example, water your house plants or lay out spoons on the dining table. And let the flower wither, and instead of a tablespoon you bring a teaspoon, the main thing is that you already have an independent child and does everything himself.

Don't make fun of children's tastes if the little one is wearing purple jeans, an orange shirt and a green cap. It is important for the bunny that his choice is appreciated by his father and mother, and the sense of taste will appear over time.

Give your child the right to choose. Consult with him about breakfast, what book he would prefer to listen to, what bucket he will go for a walk with. Allow your child to make personal decisions.