Experts unanimously say that children should not be spanked, since assault is not the best method of influencing a child. And yet, many adults are sure: it is easier to spank a child on the butt once than to repeat many times why something should not be done.
Today we will discuss the arguments of domestic and foreign psychologists who oppose physical punishment, and find out why children should not be spanked.
The statistics are inexorable - about 60% of Russian parents use physical force against their children from time to time. Of course, in most cases these are not severe beatings, but the notorious spankings and slaps on the head, which mothers and fathers generously “give” to naughty children.
Why do parents still spank their naughty children? Because this is the easiest way out of the situation.
Judge for yourself, there is no need to look for the reason for a bad deed, there is no need to think about children's emotions, or select other methods of education. I spanked him a couple of times, and it seemed that the conflict was over.
Let's find out what can happen if you constantly use physical punishment towards your baby.
Key parenting styles
The history of human development identifies three main parenting styles that parents use:
- Authoritarian. In this case, the baby is subject to total control and obedience. He must comply with all the requirements of the parent, otherwise he will be punished. You quickly get used to this style.
- The democratic style is characterized by the fact that the child in such a family is given the right to his own position. The goal of this style is to form a harmoniously developed personality; parents put a lot of effort and time into this.
- The mixed method includes both rewards and punishments. It combines several educational styles, which does not always lead to a positive result.
In Islam
Seeing Eastern women, it seems that these timid and defenseless creatures will endure any insult and betrayal. Muslim men can freely flirt with any woman they like in front of their own wife. A girl should be able to endure such scenes with dignity and a smile. Therefore, many people think that a man can safely take out his anger on his lady, and she will not say anything to him. This is wrong. Of course, the Koran allows a man to teach a woman with his fists, but this does not mean that representatives of the stronger sex obey such permission. Eastern guys treat their chosen ones with respect and do not allow themselves too much. They don’t even question whether it’s okay to beat women. A wife is a submissive creature who can fulfill any whim, so why beat a woman who makes a person happy.
Muslims idolize women and, despite their intemperance, behave in a civilized manner at home. Therefore, to the question whether it is possible to beat a woman in Islam, there is one answer - it is not possible.
The main reasons for physical punishment of children
Most modern mothers and fathers, when punishing their children, believe that this is their parental duty. But there are several key reasons for this:
- Heredity. In most cases, parents take out their anger on the child based on their childhood and past. They no longer imagine that they can be raised differently.
- Lack of awareness of parents in educational processes. This means that the punishment is carried out because the parents do not know other methods.
- A quick way to solve the problem. There is no need to spend a lot of time on explanations and teachings; it is easier to strike rather than resolve the issue verbally.
- Breakdowns due to your own failures. Very often, children are hostages of parental failures. Uncertainty about the future, interpersonal conflicts, internal experiences - all this can affect the child.
Self love
A person who respects himself will never allow another person to humiliate his dignity. Even without being guided by the slogan: “Never hit a woman,” a man will not hit a lady full of dignity. But a representative of the stronger sex can easily slap a girl who has lost face. Therefore, in order not to receive bruises from your beloved, you should always remain a lady. Love yourself and behave appropriately. No one will beat a strong, smart and beautiful girl. But a drunk lady who doesn’t watch her words can get hit. Therefore, choose the role you will play yourself.
If you delve into the psychology of a woman who is beaten, you can understand that she will be a lady without self-esteem. A girl with low self-esteem will be happy with male attention, even if it is expressed with the help of fists. In order not to fall so low, you should love yourself. Remember that no one will love you if you don't do it yourself. Stop picking for no reason and find the strength to resist all those who offend you. Strong women give off an aura of inaccessibility, which will protect the woman from assault.
Why don't children listen?
We all know that there are no ideal and obedient children. In psychology, there are several reasons for children's disobedience:
- diffidence;
- gaps in education;
- a way to attract attention;
- desire for contradictions;
- a way to assert oneself;
- There are a lot of demands on the child.
Most children's whims and cases of disobedience are due to the fact that the child grows up, feels like an independent unit, and parents still think that he is still a baby. The baby does not obey if mom and dad do not pay attention to him. This is a very effective method. If you don’t devote enough time to your child, then he may become offended, and then he may do everything not as you want, but as he sees fit.
Your heir may feel insecure if his parents become irritable and often tug at their clothes. The lack of a system in raising children is observed when a large number of people take part in this process - father and mother, grandparents, uncles and aunts. Each teacher has his own method; it may differ from the methods of other family members. For some, the behavior of the baby is the norm, for others it is unacceptable, and then the baby does not know how to behave correctly.
Parents who use an authoritarian parenting style have many demands on their child, sometimes inappropriate for their development and age. They put their opinion above all else, but the child’s opinion is not taken into account, they are only demanded from him. If he does not follow the instructions, then he is punished. It is very difficult for a child to develop in such an environment.
Scientific research
Many parents associate disciplining children with spankings, slaps on the head, or hitting them on the lips. This is not a rod or a belt, but lightly - for the purpose of prevention.
And sometimes your hands themselves itch when a hysterical child does not hear the words and strives with all his might to get what is his. This is so annoying that we don’t think about the consequences of our actions, or rather, we firmly believe that we will calm them down and put them in their place. But is it?
The question of whether it is possible to hit children has become the topic of many scientific studies. Naturally, their result gives an unambiguous and categorical answer - no. But let's move on to the dry facts that confirm the thesis.
University of Missouri Research
Psychologists, sociologists, and statisticians from the University of Missouri, led by G. Carlo, conducted a long-term study. They closely monitored the lives of 1,850 families for 10 years.
They tracked parenting methods and their consequences starting from the age of one and a half years. The next control point is 3 years. Then - 10 years.
During the work, not only parents and older children were surveyed, but also teachers. Scientists came to families' homes and schools.
The results of many years of research are disappointing:
- children exposed to regular punishment in infancy are more aggressive;
- their nervous system is unstable, they are prone to increased irritation;
- The children's behavior did not change (disobedience and poor academic performance).
Research by Texas Scientists
Scientists at the University of Texas, led by E. Gershoff, worked with statistical data from more than 80 studies on the topic of children's punishment. In their work, they gave several more reasons why children should not be beaten.
Punishments have long-term consequences. In addition to increased aggressiveness, children who received regular spankings (and no “serious” spanking) had low self-esteem. They were prone to antisocial behavior.
Relations between grown children and parents were tense. Or they did not communicate at all on the initiative of the children.
Research by Arab scientists
Another interesting study was conducted in Saudi Arabia. It was found that physical punishment in 70% of cases increases the risk of developing asthma, cancer, and cardiovascular diseases.
For each disease, the groups consisted of more than 150 people. Control group (healthy people) – 250 people. Everyone who was part of the groups with a certain disease was subjected to mental and/or physical abuse from their parents in childhood.
The effect of corporal punishment on a child
Physical and psychological punishment of children is prohibited by law, but many parents practice this method, considering it the most effective. Adults often cannot contain their anger; it is easier for them to hit the butt with a belt than to explain to a child in understandable language that he is wrong. If you use a method of education such as corporal punishment, then expect consequences. Often a little person develops a fear, which can subsequently greatly affect his future life.
If a child is afraid of a loved one, then this may in the future affect his interpersonal relationships, adaptation in society, and at work. Parents should know that it is impossible to hit their butt, humiliate, or shout at their heir, because he can grow up unsure of himself, without aspirations in life. He will think that whoever has the power is right.
About aggression
There is a taboo on aggression in society. This is a condition for survival, but it also applies to games. Not everyone admits to the need to inflict or experience pain for sexual satisfaction. People are afraid of their partner’s reaction—condemnation. However, in the intimate sphere, social rules cease to apply. There, the partners come up with the rules themselves. Each couple has their own sexual script. What outsiders would condemn can bring true pleasure to both.
Many human fantasies need not only fulfillment, but also attention. By ruling or submitting, attacking, inflicting pain or receiving it, a person finds ways to experience real delight.
Physical effects of corporal punishment
Very often, corporal punishment leads to physical injury to your child. This is due to the fact that many parents do not calculate their strength when punishing their children. Getting used to slaps on the butt occurs, especially if they are used every day. This leads to the fact that the child’s behavior does not change, and the strength of bodily influences increases. The result is severe bodily injury.
Without controlling himself, a parent is capable of causing injury to a child that is incompatible with his life. And then punishing children will lead to disastrous consequences. Cuffs and slaps on the head cause the baby to hit a sharp corner or other objects in the house.
Physical consequences can manifest themselves in the form of enuresis, various tics, encopresis, etc. Don't hit children, be more reasonable! After all, the child is several times smaller than you.
Who hits women?
Having found out whether it is possible to beat women in Russia, you need to understand a little for yourself who exactly allows themselves to let go. Most often, uneducated men from the lower strata of the population reward their loved ones with beatings. It is alcoholics, uneducated individuals working in menial jobs, and those persons who have crossed the boundaries of the law who allow themselves to be assaulted. Such individuals cannot be aware of who they are dealing with now. Most often, men beat women in a fit of passion or in drunken delirium. Lack of restraint and inability to think soberly most often leads to unfortunate incidents.
Psychological effects of corporal punishment
- Low self-esteem. The child will be guided throughout life by the principle: whoever has the power is right.
- Impact on the child's psyche, developmental delay is possible.
- Lack of concentration in lessons and games.
- Projection of the same behavior onto your own children.
- Most children who are physically abused become child abusers in the future.
- The child stops living in reality, without solving the problems that have arisen, without studying.
- There are always feelings of fear and a desire for revenge.
- Punishment and humiliation leads to loneliness, the child feels alienated and unwanted.
- There is a distance from parents, relationships deteriorate. If violence is used in a family, there will be no common ground.
Psychological consequences also include frequent restlessness, a feeling of confusion, fear, and increased anxiety. Appetite may worsen, the child may sleep poorly, and hyperactivity may increase.
If you find out about violence against someone else's child
Punishment differs from punishment, and sometimes ears and butts are not the only witnesses to fleeting parental anti-humanism. Alas, sometimes under the guise of parent-child relationships there are many unpleasant things that are unsightly to society.
And if you have witnessed (seen, heard or learned) violence against a minor, you need to take action. Wrong tactics: knock on your neighbors’ door and announce that you will go to the local police officer or give a short lecture about the education system. Correct: consult with a lawyer, a school psychologist, a police officer you know, and then take action together with the guardianship authorities or the same psychologist. Perhaps by discussing further behavior with them and the child in advance.
If you already have a child in your arms with signs of beatings, you need to take him to the hospital, record the fact of physical violence, and only then decide what to do next.
An alternative to corporal punishment, or how to punish a child
Manifestation of weakness, lack of certain pedagogical knowledge and skills among parents leads to physical punishment of children. How to punish a child without harming him? You can't hit children on the bottom, use an alternative. What you need for this:
- It is necessary to switch the child's attention to something else.
- You should captivate the little one with such an activity so that he stops playing around.
- Come up with new entertainment to encourage your baby, and not vice versa. For example, you can put all the scattered toys in a box. Read him his favorite book or bedtime story.
- Kiss and hug your baby so he can feel your warmth and love. Spend more free time with him.
- Replace corporal punishment with more loyal methods (don't go for a walk, turn off the TV, take away the tablet).
Treat your children’s pranks philosophically, projecting the entire spectrum of actions onto yourself. Try to communicate more with your children, create trusting relationships with each other, and then the problems will become much less. Learn to deal with problems without punishment. It is important for parents to understand that children should not be hit on the bottom under any circumstances!
Laws
Why can't you hit women? At a minimum, because the law on human rights says that all people are equal - one citizen cannot infringe on the freedom of another. But despite this, representatives of the law try not to get involved in family dramas. Why? For the reason that many girls behave inappropriately. Such female representatives have feelings stronger than reason. As an example, we can cite a situation that often occurs in Russian families. An alcoholic husband beat his wife half to death, and the woman ran to the police in the evening to file a statement. The man was taken away. In the morning, she came to the department and took the statement about the beating, justifying her action by saying that she could not live without her loved one. The Family Code does not allow spouses to injure each other, however, it does not in any way oblige a man to answer before the law for physical humiliation of his wife if no visible signs of beating remain on the woman’s body, and she herself refuses protection.
A girl can count on the help of law enforcement forces only if her husband frequently and severely beats his chosen one. And even then, the most that the police can do is to prohibit a man from approaching a woman. But no one will monitor the fulfillment of such conditions. A man will face criminal liability only if the lady is severely injured and the fact of her beating is officially recorded.
Psychologists' opinion
Why do they beat women? Experts say that this is how men assert themselves. A self-confident person will never offend a defenseless creature. But a person who is dissatisfied with himself and life will be able to take out his anger on whoever comes to hand. Experts say that such humiliation should not be tolerated. Men who raise their hands against a woman soon become domestic tyrants. And if women endure milking and humiliation, then soon they find themselves in a trap. Men completely deprive the girl of the opportunity to escape from her captivity. He befuddles the lady's mind, begins to blackmail her, and if she disobeys his will, he uses force. Such a situation is unlikely to suit a lady who has no complexes. But such women are rare in the modern world. Psychologists say that those women who grew up without a father do not know what a normal family should look like. Therefore, beatings fit well into their picture of the world and do not seem like something out of the ordinary. To these unfortunate women we can also add those whose fathers drank and also beat their mothers. Unfortunately, beatings will also seem normal to these young ladies. This results in a vicious circle in which men use force to maintain their authority, and defenseless representatives of the fairer sex silently endure humiliation.
Can a man hit a woman? Psychologists clearly say no. A normal person cannot afford such behavior. And if a person allows himself a lot, the woman should say goodbye to her immediately. If you can’t break up amicably, then you need to contact the police. There is no point in enduring and crying into your pillow. Yes, there are women who enjoy their miserable lives, but in most cases, a woman only gets a twisted fate from humiliation. Therefore, ladies should always think before forgiving the husband who raised his hand against them.
Statistics
If you look at the statistics, you can see terrifying numbers. Approximately 10 thousand Russian women a year die at the hands of their husbands. Inadequate men who cannot account for their actions grab knives and other weapons that are at hand. It is impossible to call such circumstances normal. If you look at the number of statements received by the police, you can also be confused. Can't people live peacefully? This means that they cannot if the spouses do not hesitate to ask strangers for help in resolving conflicts. It's sad to realize that the police in most cases don't even solve domestic dramas. Such cases are often not even considered unless there is serious injury or death. Therefore, I would like to hope that mothers who are raising their sons will be more attentive to instilling respect for the female sex. It is necessary to explain to growing men that they cannot hit girls. Such a prohibition must be well fixed in the male consciousness, so that even in a fit of passion the young man cannot violate it. Only in this case are positive changes in society possible.
