Expecting a child is always full of joyful dreams, plans and hopes. Parents imagine their future life with their baby in bright colors. The son or daughter will be beautiful, smart and definitely obedient. The reality turns out to be somewhat different. The long-awaited baby is truly the most beautiful, smartest and most loved, and even sometimes obedient. However, closer to two years, the baby’s character begins to change. So much so that parents stop recognizing their child.
It becomes extremely difficult to cope with a child. Just recently, so sweet and flexible, he becomes capricious, hysterical and strives to do everything his own way. Of course, parents are aware that between two and three years the child enters his first transitional age.
Psychologists call this period the “two-year-old crisis.” He is still a very small child - 2 years old. He often freaks out and is capricious. However, this knowledge does not make it any easier. Life next to the little tyrant becomes simply unbearable. The baby, so obedient and sweet, suddenly becomes stubborn and capricious. Hysterics arise many times and out of nowhere. Moreover, if the child has set out to get what he wants, then it will no longer be possible to distract him by switching his attention to something else. The kid will stand his ground until the last.
Parents' confusion
Most parents are unprepared for such changes. What happens to the child takes them by surprise. Even if the baby has an older brother or sister and the parents have already gone through something similar, a nervous child who always throws tantrums creates an unbearable atmosphere in the house. Parents, frightened by the thought that their baby may have serious health problems, seek help from experienced friends. However, few people decide to turn to a specialist and get advice from a child psychologist.
The advice given by ordinary people in such cases is of the same type. Most are inclined to think that the child simply needs to be “asked the right way” so that he knows how to behave. However, such methods are not beneficial. The child becomes nervous and freaks out even more, literally leading loved ones to a nervous breakdown with his behavior.
Signs of hysteria
Children cannot stand it; due to their age, they begin to cry and throw hysterics at the slightest sign of discomfort.
The following signs will help you recognize a tantrum in a child:
- an outburst of uncontrollable anger;
- tears;
- loud, hysterical screams;
- irritation.
The child at this moment cannot control himself, causing rage and anger in the parents, since the older generation is confident that the baby has everything necessary for happiness. If the situation occurs on the street, then it is aggravated by the intervention of “sympathetic” passers-by who ask to calm the child down or reproach the parents for raising him incorrectly. Wanting to calm the baby down, mothers fulfill any of his demands, just so that the child calms down. And quick-witted children quickly understand how they can always get what they want. They begin to use whims, which, unlike hysteria, are most often conscious and used to achieve a goal.
The child will want to test his parents’ strength, starting to cry and be capricious whenever he fails to get what he wants “in a good way.” At this moment, it is very important to show restraint, not to let the baby feel power, otherwise he will continue to achieve his goal with hysterics, and the system of norms and rules will be greatly shaken.
What should parents do?
Not paying attention is perhaps the most sensible advice that can be given to parents who are going through their child’s first crisis with them. It is worthwhile to forget for a while about what is right and wrong, and allow the child to gain his own experience. Within reason, of course.
“I myself” is the phrase parents now hear most often. I’ll dress myself, I’ll eat myself, I’ll go for a walk myself. And it doesn’t matter that it’s +30 outside, but the child wanted to wear warm leggings outside. Negotiations with a stubborn baby will end in violent hysterics. The best thing to do in this situation is to simply allow your child to wear what he wants. Let him go outside in warm leggings. Just bring light clothes with you, and when your baby gets hot, change him. Along the way, he explained that the sun was shining now, and he needed to dress lighter.
A similar situation occurs at lunchtime. A child may want to eat sweet semolina porridge, dipping a salted tomato into it. Trying to feed him “correctly” will only lead to him refusing both. Let him eat what he wants and how he wants. If you can't look at it, just don't look at it.
Give your child more freedom and don't treat him like a toy. He is a person just like you, and he also has the right to make mistakes. Your task is not to protect him from all troubles, but to help him gain his own life experience. Of course, it is much easier to dress a child yourself than to wait for him to do it himself. Just take a little more time to get ready. In addition, try to listen to the opinion of the child himself. After all, he is also a person and has the right to be listened to. If it's lunch time and your child refuses to eat, then most likely he is not hungry yet. Meet him halfway. Most likely, he will soon get hungry, and you will have no problem feeding him.
About the importance of the problem
Let's consider what is associated with regular whims, disobedience and hysterics at 2.5-3 years old.
First of all, it is increased nervous excitability. Moreover, in some children it is observed from birth and represents personality traits, in others it arises with age under the influence of external factors (both the education system as a whole and specific events). Such behavior can be observed on an ongoing basis or represent attacks that occur as a response to psycho-emotional stress that accumulates over time. It is extremely important for parents to understand these factors and solve the underlying problem, otherwise all this will carry over into adulthood and become the reason that the matured child will be considered nervous, intemperate, even aggressive.
It is interesting that some children are constantly hysterical, wanting to manipulate their parents, to force them to “dance to their tune.” Babies do something similar, trying to get their mother’s attention at any cost. Older children, at 2.7 years old, become much more cunning - they understand how others will react to one or another of their actions, and often very skillfully subjugate their parents.
How to understand whether it is a whim or a crisis?
A whim is an unpredictable, sudden desire to get something.
For example, a baby wants a car, doesn’t get it, cries and therefore gets upset very loudly. Then he switches to a chocolate bar, gets it - and everything is fine. With a crisis, everything is not so simple. With him everything is much more complicated; simply switching attention will not give much results. During a crisis, a child wants to do everything his own way. He believes that his opinion is not accepted, people do not agree with him. For such a child, “in his own way” means the opposite of the wishes of others. That is, it doesn’t matter at all what he really wants, the main thing is to contradict everything that they tell you. Do not do it the way you even want. Check it out for yourself by asking your little one if he wants candy. In a crisis, he will first blurt out the standard answer “no,” but as if he wants to say “yes.” And if you offer him candy again after that, you can be sure that you will see a nervous and capricious 2-year-old child . Or here’s another living example: the baby wanted to turn on the washing machine, but his mother turned it on a little earlier. When she saw that the child was crying, she immediately turned it off and gave him the opportunity to turn it on himself. But he refuses this and continues to be nervous and capricious. The child still wants to do it, but does not press because he has already been allowed to do so. Thus, the difference is visible in both cases, but is not so obvious and, most importantly, sometimes the mother no longer knows what to do.
Establish contact with your child through play
Games for 2-year-old children are the main way of interacting with the outside world. To the question: “What are you doing?”, a child of 2-3 years old will probably answer: “I’m playing.” The child plays constantly. If he has toys, he will play with them. If there are no toys, he will invent them for himself.
Parents often complain that their child has a lot of toys, but almost never plays with them. Most often this happens when toys are lying around, disassembled and broken. The child simply forgets about them.
In order for a child to remember his toys, they must be in sight. To do this, it is best to keep them on open shelves. It is better to place large toys on the floor so that the baby can easily reach them. Place medium-sized toys directly on the shelf. This is where they will look most attractive.
Place all kinds of small items like small cars, Kinder Surprise figurines, beautiful pebbles found on the street in small boxes. On top of each box, place one item from the ones it contains. This way the child will understand where whose house is.
Do all children face a crisis at age 2 or not?
Almost all children face such a crisis, it just can proceed in completely different ways, and its severity and intensity depend on individual characteristics. Sometimes crisis manifestations in a child can be so insignificant and short-term that they simply go unnoticed by parents.
Behavior during a crisis depends entirely on psychological changes, the formation of an individual as an independent person, manifestations of self-will and pride in one’s own achievements. The only case when specialist help is required is if a baby who is over three does not have the listed qualities.
Do not give your child all toys at the same time
If a child does not see all his toys at once, then he will remain interested in them longer. If there are too many toys, collect some of them and hide them. after some time they can be shown to the child. He will start playing with them with no less interest than with new ones. Of course, you should not hide those toys to which the child is very attached. Some should be stored where they are most often used. For example, your daughter's toy kitchen utensils can be stored in a special box in the kitchen. This will keep your own kitchenware safe.
Your son's toy tools can be kept next to his dad's. When your child asks for a hammer or drill, give him his own toy tool. It is better to store bathing toys in the bathroom, and it is better to place the ball he plays with outside in the hallway.
How not to miss a pathology?
The habit of throwing tantrums, according to Komarovsky, can have a detrimental effect on the child’s condition and mental health. Therefore, it is necessary to start solving it as early as possible. If a child is hysterical at 2-3 years old, many mothers and fathers tend to see this as a passing age-related problem and do nothing. As a result, by the age of 4–5 years, a very capricious manipulative child is formed, which is quite difficult to correct from a pedagogical point of view.
You should also know the distinctive features of mental illness in order to promptly contact a doctor of the appropriate profile - a psychiatrist. If, during a hysteria, a child begins to suffer from a spastic attack, bends over and stands on a “hysterical bridge”, if he starts vomiting or apnea due to nervousness, if outside of a hysterical attack the child also demonstrates deviations in behavior, then you should consult a specialist.
Create activities for your child
Perhaps your child is constantly naughty because he is simply bored. He is still very small and cannot always figure out how to play with this or that toy. To keep your baby busy, have a special box for all sorts of interesting little things. At the right moment, you will remove a ribbon from the box, from which you can make a leash for a stuffed dog, in which he has already lost interest, or a scrap for a new dress for a doll.
During games, your baby tries to stay closer to you. In his games, he will gladly accept your offer of help, but he is unlikely to want to be told what to do. Games for 2-year-old children involve all kinds of research, experiments and new discoveries. You should not try to explain to him the purpose of this or that toy or rush to answer a question that he himself has not yet been able to clearly formulate. This way you can ruin everything. Try to give your child the opportunity to be a leader in his play and follow him.
Expert advice
Factors that can cause negative behavior in a child are quite diverse. Therefore, the advice of a psychologist involves, first of all, establishing the cause of whims and hysterics. Based on this, ways to solve the problem are determined.
- If the reason is overwork, you need to create a daily routine in such a way that the child has the opportunity to rest during the day.
- Excessive busyness of a child can also cause attacks of nervousness and whims. Some parents, with good intentions, enroll their son or daughter in various clubs or continuously teach them at home, which affects the psyche and leads to similar problems. You can cope only by normalizing the baby’s life and avoiding excessive stress.
- A common reason is rebellion against parental despotism. In this case, you need to allow the child to become more independent, give him the opportunity to dress himself, choose a suit for himself. It is important to ask his opinion about what to cook for dinner, where to go for a walk. Moreover, parents do not need to become obedient “servants” of their child; it is enough to show interest in his position and listen to his opinion.
- As soon as the child is about to cry, you can try to distract him with an easy-to-follow request.
Active listening can help your child deal with their own emotions and feelings. Parents can use the phrases “I see that you are upset because you broke the doll”, “I know that you are angry.” The child learns to understand himself and control his emotions.
Help your child, be his partner
Your baby may have an idea for something, but will not be able to carry it out due to the fact that his physical capabilities are still very limited. Help him, but don't do everything for him. For example, he planted a tree branch in the sand and now wants to water his “flowerbed.” Help him carry a jar of water to the sandbox, but do not pour the water yourself. After all, he wants to do it on his own. If you deprive him of this opportunity, then a scandal will inevitably arise. The child has not yet learned to correctly express his negative emotions, so hysterics often occur in children. 2 years is an age at which not all children can still speak properly. Unable to provide compelling arguments in defense of his position, the kid throws a tantrum.
Many games are simply impossible to play on your own. You cannot catch or roll a ball if there is no one to throw it, you cannot play catch if there is no one to catch you. Often children have to beg their parents for a long time to play with them. After much persuasion, they reluctantly agree, but after a few minutes they say: “Well, that’s enough, now play yourself.” Or, when agreeing to play, they announce in advance that they can only give the child 10 minutes. After this, the child does not so much play as he fearfully waits for the promised minutes to end and for him to be told: “That’s enough for today.” It’s clear that you won’t be able to play all day, but sometimes it’s worth pretending that you really want to. Give your child the satisfaction of finishing the game when they want. Games for 2-year-old children are their very life.
What to do if your child is hysterical
No matter how carefully you treat a two-year-old child, sometimes situations arise in which it is impossible to avoid hysteria. Unfortunately, a small child (2 years old) often freaks out and is capricious. Sometimes he has tantrums. According to statistics, more than half of two-year-old children are prone to hysterics and outbursts of rage. For many, this happens several times a week. Children prone to hysterics are usually very restless, smart and know well what they want. They want to do a lot of things and have a very bad attitude towards adults’ attempts to prevent them from doing this. Having encountered an obstacle on his way, a small child (2 years old) often freaks out and is capricious, wanting to achieve his goal.
Having fallen into hysterics, the baby is unable to control himself. He doesn't see or hear anything at all. Therefore, all objects that get in his way usually scatter in different directions. The child may fall to the floor and scream loudly. When falling, it may hit the floor or furniture hard. Parents are usually perplexed; they don’t understand why the child is freaking out, because just now everything was fine. The baby may scream until he vomits. At the same time, parents find themselves in a state close to panic; they do not know what to do if the child is nervous and disobedient.
It is very difficult for parents to observe such pictures. Especially when the child turns very pale and it seems that he is about to lose consciousness. True, he won’t cause himself any serious harm this way. His body's protective reflexes will come to the rescue, forcing him to take a breath long before he can suffocate.
Possible reasons
Let's consider what are the main reasons why a child throws tantrums, cries, is capricious, and refuses to obey his parents.
There are several of them:
- Lack of attention. Some parents mistakenly believe that a baby at 2.5–2.6 years old does not yet need to communicate with them, that he is very small, does not understand anything, so it is enough to feed him, wash him, change clothes and put him to bed. They consider talking to the baby unnecessary. The result is that the child suffers from lack of parental attention, so he tries to solve the problem in an accessible way. So, the baby will very quickly realize that crying and hysterics are a great way to concentrate everyone’s attention around him. And he will use this technique.
- The desire for revenge. Some children, who, in their opinion, were offended by their parents, may begin to act up, thus wanting to take revenge.
- Riot. Some mothers believe that until the age of 3, the baby does not have his own will, his own point of view, so they allow themselves to use an orderly rude tone towards him, in every way to belittle his importance (“who are you anyway”). The result will not be long in coming - the child will become nervous and capricious.
- Self-esteem. Anyone is pleased when people feel sorry for him, pay attention to him, and show sympathy. Children are very smart, therefore, once they cry and realize that their mother is ready to drop everything and come to feel sorry for him, the baby will constantly use this “trick” to assert himself.
Another possible reason is the appearance of a younger child in the family. The parents' attention switches to the baby, and the first involuntarily becomes the “elder”; he not only receives much less parental affection, but is also offered new responsibilities that he does not need at all. Being unprepared for such responsibility, a child can become very “spoiled” and begin to be capricious, wanting to regain his mother’s attention.
In addition, hysterics can be caused by:
- overwork;
- inability to get what you want;
- lack of vocabulary to express one's experiences and feelings, which leads to the need to use crying.
It is important for parents to remain calm and understand that this time is an inevitable period in the lives of many children that must be endured.
Causes of children's hysterics and whims at 2 years old
A two-year-old child tries with special zeal to demonstrate his independence and character. Moreover, bad behavior happens very often and arises for any reason.
The main reasons for a child’s whims:
1. “Blind” parental love. If from birth mom and dad fulfill all the child’s whims, then he will constantly throw tantrums. 2. The desire to manipulate adults. It is naive to believe that at two years old a baby understands little. He is quite capable of building simple cause-and-effect relationships in his head: “if I pay, I will get what I want.” 3. Overwork. Today, parents are accustomed to expecting their children to grow up quickly and successfully. Therefore, they are sent early to educational clubs, sports sections, and development centers. However, heavy stress is harmful for children. Sometimes they are capricious due to simple fatigue. 4. A way to express personal opinion. Every child sooner or later begins to feel like a separate person. Consequently, he really wants to be independent, to make certain decisions. Parental care causes a wave of protests in him. 5. Physiological state. Sometimes hysteria occurs due to fear or pain. The child wants protection, help, affection.
In most cases, your child's bad behavior can be successfully dealt with if you use the right methods and be patient.
How to help your child
First of all, you should try to organize the child’s life so that he does not have nervous overload. If a child has become nervous, the symptoms will be visible immediately. These are frequent outbursts of rage. When these outbreaks become too frequent, they will not lead to anything good. If you forbid something to a child or force him to do something that he is not very pleased with, then try to be as gentle as possible. Do not try to keep your child within strict limits. Trying to protect himself, the child will throw tantrums regularly.
Sometimes parents hope to improve the child's condition by giving him sedatives themselves. Moreover, they “prescribe” the drugs themselves on the advice of relatives and friends. This is strictly not recommended. Only a doctor can prescribe sedatives for children. 2 years is an age at which a child is still extremely vulnerable; uncontrolled use of medications can harm him.
If your baby is hysterical, watch him closely to make sure he doesn't hurt himself. During a tantrum, the child’s mental state is such that he may not remember what he did while he was rampaging. To prevent him from hurting himself, try to hold him gently. When he comes to his senses, he will see that you are next to him and the scandal he created has not changed anything. Soon he will relax and fall asleep in your arms. The little monster will turn into a baby who needs affection and consolation. After all, this is still a very small child (2 years old). He often freaks out and is capricious, but at the same time he desperately needs your love, affection and consolation.
There are children who absolutely cannot stand it when someone tries to restrain them during hysterical attacks. This only makes the hysteria worse. In this case, do not use force. Just try to make sure your child doesn't hurt himself. To do this, remove all breakable and easily broken objects from his path.
Don't try to prove anything to a hysterical child. Until the attack passes, absolutely nothing will affect him. If your child is hysterical, don't yell at him. It won't make any difference. Some parents, trying to bring the child to his senses, begin to beat him. Usually this not only does not calm him down, but, on the contrary, makes him scream even louder. In addition, you can miscalculate your strength and injure the baby.
Don't try to explain anything to a screaming child. In a state of extreme irritation, even an adult is difficult to persuade. And what can we say about a two-year-old child? After he calms down, don't start the conversation first. Many children perceive this as a concession, and the screaming may begin with a vengeance.
It’s better to wait until the child comes to you. If he approaches you, hug him, caress him and act as if nothing happened.
Often parents are horrified at the thought of their child “throwing a concert” in public. They are ready to make any concessions, as long as he does not become hysterical. This practice leads to completely opposite results. Children are very observant and know very well how to manipulate their parents. Don't be surprised if your child starts having tantrums regularly and in the most inappropriate places.
Let your child understand that he will not achieve anything from you with hysterics. If he became angry because you forbade him to climb a high ladder, do not allow this after he calms down. If before the start of the tantrum you planned to go for a walk with him, go as soon as there is silence and do not remind the child of anything.
Most children's tantrums are designed to have an audience. As soon as you go to another room, the screams miraculously stop. Sometimes you can see a rather funny picture: a child screams with all his might and rolls on the floor. As soon as he discovers that there is no one nearby, he becomes silent, then moves closer to his parents and begins his “concert” again.
Consultation “Whims and stubbornness 2–3 years”
Zinaida Kulenenok
Consultation “Whims and stubbornness 2–3 years”
Stubbornness and whims of children 2-3 years old
Stubbornness and whims are not uncommon in children. Sometimes there are complaints only about stubbornness , sometimes only about whims , and sometimes about both. They can alternate in the same child at different ages. Both stubbornness and whims are two sides of the same disorder - a manifestation of difficulties in socialization: in stronger children this is expressed in stubbornness , in weak ones - in whims .
The first manifestations of stubbornness are found in very young children - at the age of 2-3 years. It is during this period that the child’s activity, independence, and perseverance in achieving his own, even the most simple desires, sharply increases. At this time, the baby may already have his own opinion, which does not always coincide with the opinion of the parents, and tries to defend it. One of the ways to insist on your own is stubbornness - the first attempt to insist on your own.
Parents' tactics during this period should be reduced to patient and persistent, but gentle in form, introducing the child to the rules and norms accepted in society. From the adults around him, the baby learns the correct ways of dealing with objects: a cat can be stroked, and not pulled by the tail; You can leaf through the book, looking at the pictures in it, but you cannot tear it or wipe the puddle on the floor with it. In communicating with adults, the child also understands the first rules of behavior with people: you can count on the help of adults if you ask them for it, but you cannot get your way by screaming, crying, etc.
The desire of parents to eradicate stubbornness is always, to some extent, the source of this very stubbornness and aggravates its manifestation. Stubbornness is characteristic of children who are energetic and have a fairly “strong spirit”
, with high self-esteem.
Does it make sense to so persistently fight this peculiar manifestation of a child’s independence? Isn't it better to direct all the qualities that underlie stubbornness in the right direction ?
This is possible only under one obligatory condition - respect for the baby. At times, all children are capricious , for example, when there is a sharp disruption in their usual way of life - placement in kindergarten, but when the situation normalizes, the whims . If they become permanent, a habitual form of behavior, then this is a signal of trouble. A capricious child , as a rule, is in a special state of “readiness”
to
whim : if stubborn baby shows his stubbornness only in response to the behavior or demands of his parents, then the capricious one begins to snarl , whine and cry for any reason. If for “
stubborn person ” the most important thing is not to give in to an adult, but to insist on his own, and if an adult lags behind and gives up on him, he will only be happy, then a
“
capricious person ” on the contrary, is more likely to strive to achieve even greater attention to himself, to his person .
A stubborn child always has his own opinion, desire, goal that he strives for. His favorite expression: “I want!”
.
capricious ’s favorite words are: “I don’t want to!”
. He prefers to consistently refuse everything that adults offer him, in the hope that he will finally agree. He really likes to be the center of attention, so when he refuses something, the baby practically never offers his own option.
If stubbornness is the result of excessively demanding parents, then whims , on the contrary, are a consequence of excessive compliance of his loved ones. The main thing that parents should do is to change their attitude towards the child, abandon the usual “authoritarian”
position, learn to treat him not as a completely subordinate and dependent creature, but as a person who has certain rights, his own opinion, which deserves respect.
A capricious child usually grows up in an atmosphere of general indulgence to all his desires. He does not meet with strict, categorical refusal even in cases where this is necessary. Such a child is lacking initiative, does not know how to put effort into anything, is not familiar with the demands of adults and cannot imagine another life. Typically, children who are prone to whims value the attention of adults very much and painfully tolerate its absence. It is not their fault that this attention is most often expressed in endless persuasion or discussions of what the child does not want and what he does want. It is necessary to diversify the experience of communication with adults and peers, to include them in a common cause, to captivate them. It is necessary to encourage the child’s independence in every possible way, to invite him to do something very interesting: wash his socks, build a “garage”
and put all the cars there, etc. The element of independence in most cases is perceived by preschoolers as a very important and new, previously inaccessible privilege. . You need to take advantage of this and in every possible way support the child’s conviction that he was terribly lucky when, for example, he was allowed to put the plates on the table or anything else himself.
In general, to eradicate both stubbornness and whims , a conscious change in the behavior of adults is necessary, since the roots of these changes lie not in the child, but in the parents. to look for the source of stubbornness and whims in a child.
"In the kingdom of stubbornness and whims "
.
Raising children can be fun and joyful. Any parent devotes a significant part of their life to interacting with their children. At the same time, most fathers and mothers are concerned with the question: how to raise a child healthy, smart, successful? Therefore, each family independently develops its own line of behavior and education of children. How to cope with whims ? is one of the most frequently asked questions, regardless of the child’s age.
Whims are the aggressive persistence of a child, striving at any cost to achieve the fulfillment of his desires. Such a child does not accept any objections and is ready to create a stormy scene to fulfill his every whim. It is clear that such behavior causes a lot of grief for parents. And it does not benefit the child himself; if it becomes established as a character trait, it subsequently leads to the formation of nonsense, selfishness and quarrelsomeness.
Whims are not always associated with bad upbringing. At different ages, the whims are different . An infant cries due to some kind of discomfort, and this can hardly be called a whim . This is most likely a cry for help. At the age of one, three, five years, a child experiences age-related crises, and these periods bring with them vivid emotional reactions in children. During periods of age crisis, it would be correct to perceive whims At this time, the child needs a special approach and sensitive attitude. But if adults raise a child incorrectly, then whims and children's hysterics often become a habitual form of behavior.
capricious . Constant attention tires the baby too much, and if the child is happy at first, then later he often even begins to cry. This is a predictable reaction of the child’s psyche to fatigue from the endless attention of adults, to which the baby responds with whims . Therefore, before looking for an answer to the question of how to cope with children's whims , it is worth assessing your communication with your baby.
The opposite extreme is when the child is not given enough attention and is treated indifferently. The child begins to act up , trying to attract attention. And children who acutely lack maternal love and affection very often become irritable and begin to lag behind in development.
Another reason for the appearance of children's whims is inconsistency or lack of unity in the requirements for the child. For example, if a mother is stricter with her child than a grandmother, and the mother forbids doing many of the things that the grandmother allows, then it will take the child very little time to understand: it’s okay to be naughty in front of the grandmother , but this will not work with the mother. Constantly adapting to each adult, the child begins to experience great stress on the psyche and nervous system, which invariably leads to breakdowns and whims . And adults cannot develop common tactics on how to deal with the whims of a child , because they do not have a common position.
Children who do not know any restrictions often They do not develop the ability to restrain themselves, control their desires and emotions. Therefore, it is very important to promptly teach the child the necessary self-restraint. The word "cannot"
should be one of the first things a small child can understand. Of course, you cannot abuse endless prohibitions. It is necessary to prohibit only what can really harm the child or what he himself can harm.
Stubbornness is one of the most common types of children's whims . It is used as a means of resolving conflicts and contradictions between parents and children. Stubbornness is a unique way for children to assert themselves in the eyes of adults and peers.
Children's stubbornness most often consists of a constant desire to do everything their own way, in defiance of adults.
The peak of stubbornness occurs at the age of about 2.5 years, since at this time children need not only care, but also recognition of their point of view.
First of all, the reason for stubbornness is the manifestation of the need for self-affirmation. Also, the cause of stubbornness is often a violation of the baby’s usual rhythm of life.
In order to understand how to deal with a child’s whims , you need to firmly understand that whims are not random and never arise out of nowhere. They always have some reason, and if adults react incorrectly to children’s whims , then they only support and reinforce them. The right way to wean a child from whims is knowledge of the age-related characteristics of the child’s psyche. And most importantly – love and great patience!
What parents can do to redirect their child's moody behavior .
1. Do not talk to the child at this moment, do not explain the reasons for your actions, do not shame him for unacceptable behavior.
2. It is necessary to give the child the opportunity to feel independent and assert himself. To do this, you don’t need to get involved in a quarrel - you need to look him in the eyes and let him know that you love him, but you won’t allow him to do this. Offer alternatives to negative behavior.
3. Make sure that the baby understands: an adult is nearby, he remembers and knows about him. It is best to use bodily signs of attention: hug the child, stroke him, kiss him.
4. Start acting immediately, as soon as you feel irritation. If you miss this first moment, then (due to increased negativity)
It will be more difficult to give your child your attention.
5. Try to pay more attention to your child on your own initiative, when he does not insist on it. If children feel that they are loved, valued, and listened to in the family, they do not feel the need to attract additional attention to themselves.
6. It is also very important that all family members behave the same in a situation of whim . Otherwise, your baby will very soon begin to skillfully manipulate dad, mom, grandparents, quickly figuring out what style of behavior to use with each of them.
"Reasons for children's whims "
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Many parents are concerned about the whims and stubbornness of their children . To the most common suggestion - wash your hands, get ready for bed, put away toys - the child responds with either silent disobedience or violent protest. Such reactions occur so often in some children that adults begin to treat this as a natural phenomenon of preschool age. However, it is completely wrong to believe that whims and stubbornness necessarily accompany childhood. Children are not born this way, and this is not a feature of their age. But still, whims more often appear in preschool age. What causes this?
Of course, the tendency to whims is associated with the age and psychophysical characteristics of children: the younger the child, the more pronounced are the processes of arousal, and in connection with this, impulsiveness and lack of restraint.
Children's minds and imaginations should not be overloaded with a lot of entertainment. Even the most pleasant impressions, but in large quantities, do not bring the child those pleasures that adults mistakenly count on when wanting to give the child something pleasant.
But often the reasons for whims lie in improper upbringing. The child constantly cries to satisfy his desires, and adults immediately fulfill them. Gradually, the baby develops the habit of achieving what he wants by crying and screaming. Imperceptibly entrenched, this habit becomes a character trait.
The whims of children are sometimes combined with stubbornness . Stubbornness is also a negative reaction to the demands and actions of adults.
Often, whims and stubbornness are mistaken for nervous manifestations: the child screams, swings his fists, throws toys, stomps on yoga, lies on the floor and screams.
Such a scene leaves adults confused and confused. The child is lifted from the floor, persuaded, consoled. “Nervous boy! We need to be gentle with him, not to injure him.”
, - adults think, blaming themselves for the admitted demandingness that became the cause of this
“nervous”
explosion.
How should one react to such manifestations of children's whims ? First of all, learn to outwardly calmly treat the child’s cry. It is better at such a moment to leave him alone until this condition passes.
An extreme degree of stubbornness , the so-called negativism, is expressed in the child’s senseless resistance to any demands of an adult. Negativism is always conscious, selective in nature and more often manifests itself, on the one hand, when parents try to persuade the child, are lost in the face of disobedience, on the other hand, when adults endlessly they pull the child back, forbid him everything, shout at him. In this case, stubbornness is, as it were, a defensive reaction against an excessive flow of educational measures.
What are children's whims ?
Causes of children's whims : whims as a result of the child's painful condition, overwork, oversaturation with impressions, deprivation of organic needs, etc.; the absence of a regime, clear rules of life in the family - prerequisites for the emergence of whims ; improper upbringing is the main source of the child’s whims (sacrificial parental love, unfailing fulfillment of all the child’s desires, spoiling; inconsistency or extremes in demands on the child - unbearable or excessively easy demands; excess or lack of attention to the child); whims as a protest against the injustice of adults.
A capricious or nervous child?
Do whims the moral development of a person?
How to avoid manifestations of children's whims : eliminating the causes that cause whims in a child ; changing the living conditions of the child in the family and the entire education system is a necessary condition in overcoming the whims of children ; the educational role of the regime and meaningful life of the child.
Whims and education of moral needs: instilling in a child from an early age a sense of duty, a conscious attitude towards his own actions; the presence of feasible responsibilities and rules in the family that regulate children's behavior; - formation of the concept of “no”
,
“can”
,
“need
”
ADVIСE
- a clear routine and meaningful life for a child is the main condition for the formation of positive, stable habits that prevent the occurrence of whims ;
- a small child is easily distracted; skillfully switching his attention helps to stop whims ;
- do not say in front of the child that he is capricious ;
- do not promise children something that cannot be fulfilled, do not achieve obedience through bribery. The child will either stop believing the promises or begin to obey on the condition that he receives a reward for this;
- do not forget about the unity of requirements for the child from all adults. An instruction given by one of the family members must be supported by the rest, then the child will not seek protection from either his grandmother, or his mother, or his father;
-children's whims are the result of improper upbringing; most often they are the property of spoiled children.
"How to overcome children's whims "
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Stubbornness and whims are not uncommon in children. Sometimes there are complaints about stubbornness , sometimes about whims , and sometimes both.
Stubbornness and whims are two sides of one and the same disorder, a manifestation of difficulties in socialization: in stronger children this is expressed in stubbornness , in weak ones - in whims .
Developing in society, a child masters certain ways of behavior, relationships with people, and internalizes established norms. The personality of the parents, relationships in the family, the requirements for the child, their consistency, the ability to take into account the age and individual characteristics of the child - these are the main factors that determine the nature of the social development of a little person. The difficulties encountered in this case, behavioral disorders in the form of whims or stubbornness necessarily have their source not only in the characteristics of the child himself - his character, type of nervous system, habits, etc., but also in the behavior of adult family members (primarily parents, as well as teachers in preschool institutions.
Most parents give in to the child's wishes, thereby perpetuating capriciousness as a form of behavior. To overcome this unpleasant character trait, adults require great perseverance and patience. And for this it is necessary to be with children as much as possible, to conduct joint activities with them, games, walks. Typically, children who are prone to whims value the attention of adults very much and painfully tolerate its absence. For example, when parents leave their children in kindergarten and forget to kiss them or wave their hand, the children begin to cry and be capricious . The teacher has to include them in the common cause, captivate them, and engage them in activities. Therefore, parents also need to diversify their experience of communicating with children, engage in joint activities, and play games with their child. It is necessary to encourage the child’s independence, inviting him to do something interesting, while it is important to quietly help the child, not allowing his interest in independent actions to fade, and also to rejoice with him in his successes. The more meaningful the child’s life is and the more he does himself, the less time and energy remains for whims , and to eradicate stubbornness and whims , a conscious change in the behavior of adults is necessary, since the roots of these qualities lie not in the child, but in the parents.
Our task, the task of the preschool institution, is to provide optimal, psychologically comfortable conditions for the upbringing and development of children. The whims of children are not uncommon , there is a lot of literature and we hope that with the desire and patience of parents, whims and stubbornness can be overcome . We teach children to fulfill our demands, do not indulge their whims , try not to notice stubbornness , involving children in play activities. Letting them express themselves through play. We give them various assignments, distracting them from whims and stubbornness . But your role is no less important. The task of parents is also to create conditions favorable for the overall development of children in the family, to build the right relationship between the child and parents. It must be remembered that every child has his own “I”
. It is more necessary to have casual conversations with children during walks, give them assignments that they can handle, develop their independence, and not be too protective.
Dear parents! Love your children and be very attentive to them!
When is it time to go to a child psychologist?
You should contact a psychologist if your child’s tantrums become too frequent and become protracted. In particular, they do not go away, even if the child is left completely alone. If parents have tried all the methods, but still cannot overcome tantrums, then it’s time to seek advice from a child psychologist. In order to find a good specialist, ask your friends who have already been helped by a child psychologist. Reviews will be a good guide for you. In addition, it is worth visiting a pediatric neurologist. This doctor will order the necessary examinations and, if necessary, prescribe sedatives for children. 2 years is the age at which natural herbal preparations are most often recommended.
Sometimes the reason for children's tantrums lies in family troubles and lack of agreement between parents. Even if parents never quarrel in front of the baby, the baby still feels the nervous atmosphere and reacts to it in his own way. As soon as they come to an agreement, calming their thoughts and feelings, the child’s tantrums immediately stop.
Being a child is just as difficult as being an adult. But time is still on our side. Very soon you will find that the two-year mark has been passed, and all the hysterics are far behind you.
