Communication. Components of communication. Conflict-free communication. Techniques for constructive communication. Communication with victims

Conflict-free communication is based on mutual understanding, mutual assistance, empathy, friendship and tolerance. Its main essence is to get rid of stereotypes and achieve results regardless of relationships and situations. Even rescuers are trained in the basics of such communication in order to quickly and effectively exchange information during an emergency.

Often, incorrect understanding and interpretation of the interlocutor’s words lead to rather sad consequences - people can quarrel and even become enemies.
A small conflict can cause a serious quarrel. Articles on the topic

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The essence of conflict-free communication is the ability to adapt to the person with whom the person is currently communicating.

In this way, it is possible to overcome stereotypes and labeling, which can interfere with normal conversation and problem solving.

Watch your words

People must be aware of what they say. Conflict-free communication is based on well-chosen words. A person can be offended not only by the thoughts expressed by an opponent, but also by the way they are presented. Before speaking, try to give the floor to your interlocutor. Listen to the man speak

Pay attention to slang and style of speech. Make adjustments and talk to the person in their language

There is no need to be smart and wonder. Some may believe that all people should be treated with extreme politeness. Some people may perceive this style of communication as arrogance.

To achieve conflict-free communication among preschool children, you need to explain to each child that words are a powerful weapon. And you shouldn’t take out your weapon again. Advise your child to treat everyone he knows in a friendly manner. Explain that offensive words should never be used.

Treat everyone the same

Never judge people with prejudice. All people are good. This thought should come to you every time you meet a person. Some may argue with this statement. Yes, there are individuals who do not behave very politely. You should understand that the more unhappy a person is, the worse he behaves. A person who is doing well in life will not insult or humiliate you. But a person who is deeply unhappy will constantly run into conflict. What methods of conflict-free communication exist? One of them is to communicate with all people equally. Don't divide people into good and bad. Talk to everyone in a friendly and open manner. Don't be afraid to smile and joke. Humor helps defuse even the most tense atmosphere. If you communicate with an unpleasant person in a distant or unfriendly manner, the person will switch to the same style of conversation with you. And then conflict will not be avoided.

Principle one: the principle of tolerance towards the interlocutor

The principle says: “Accept your interlocutor as he is.”

Remember

: the interlocutor is always right. Even if he's wrong.

Rules that implement this principle:

Do not try to change your interlocutor during the conversation:

– don’t tell him: “Why are you yelling at me?” -Why are you talking to me in such a tone?

Try to overcome a negative attitude towards your interlocutor (that is, a previously formed negative attitude towards him).

Remember

: a negative attitude is often unfounded, a person is always more complex than the “label” that is stuck on him;

– do not trust someone else’s assessment - it is always subjective, a person may have his own reasons for not loving someone, but this may not concern you at all,

– evaluate your interlocutor only after the conversation.

When communicating, distract yourself from the shortcomings of your interlocutor.

– do not notice his mistakes, unsuccessful words and expressions,

– call your interlocutor’s shortcomings peculiarities.

Adapt to your interlocutor:

– speak to him in his “language”, in words and expressions that he understands,

– take into account his mood and well-being.

Conflict between parent and teacher

Psychologist's advice: If parents have complaints against the teacher, it is important to initially check whether they are justified. Is the teacher really exceeding his authority by taking it out on the children, or have the children decided to start a cold war on the teacher? It is important to discuss the issue with other parents and other teachers

If the situation is indeed confirmed, do not be afraid to defend the right to participate in the teachers’ council and talk directly with the teacher. You will always have time to write a complaint, but you won’t have time to change the situation. Sometimes parents believe that yelling at children or harsh punishments is an indicator of an effective and strict teacher. Weigh all observations, analyze possible changes. If the school is not ready to take action, unfortunately, you will have to solve the situation yourself: change class or school. Remember that motivation and interest in life directly depend on authorities.

Labeling

The “label” itself, or the stereotypical perception of a person, is not always bad. For example, in conditions of time shortage, most likely, we will turn for help to a person who has proven himself to be a good performer and a responsible person. In this case, such a choice will significantly save our energy and time when carrying out the task. But, on the other hand, such a choice of an assistant significantly narrows the possibilities for us to interact with other people who have not yet “proven” themselves, although it is possible that they would have completed this task much faster and better.

Recommendations for management:
At this stage it is recommended to perform the exercise (see Appendix 1) .
Recommendations for conducting:
Group discussion.
Recommended questions for listeners: — Was it difficult to describe a person without relying on “labels” that developed during communication with similar people?

— What from the description can be attributed to indirect references to the “label”?

— Would it be easier to build non-conflict communication with him if you perceived him not by “labels”, but taking into account the facts that you noticed and taking into account his best sides?

— Where do you think constructive communication would take place: in the case when we obviously attribute a certain role to a person, even if he does not correspond to this role, or when we rely on facts?

Communicating without “labels” with people becomes much more interesting and productive, because there are no absolutely identical people, and therefore there are no absolutely identical roles.

It is important not to allow others to label yourself. We discussed with you that it can be unpleasant when you are assigned a certain role that has nothing to do with you. How do you build communication in this situation? What do you do to make communication constructive? For example, in an informal setting with a friend or in an emergency, where all relationships are closely related to professional activities and are defined by the framework of performing professional tasks?

We discussed with you that it can be unpleasant when you are assigned a certain role that has nothing to do with you. How do you build communication in this situation? What do you do to make communication constructive? For example, in an informal setting with a friend or in an emergency, where all relationships are closely related to professional activities and are defined by the framework of performing professional tasks?

Let's try to work out new ways of interacting with those who put “labels” on you.

Recommendations for conducting:
At this stage it is recommended to perform the exercise (see Appendix 2) .
Recommendations for conducting:
At the end of the exercise, it is recommended to conduct a group survey.
Recommended questions for discussion: - Did you understand what role you were assigned?

— By what signs?

— How did you feel in this role?

— Did she interfere with you in building constructive interaction?

— Could she have caused the conflict?

— Has anyone managed to “remove” this role and move communication into a constructive direction?

— Was it hard?

— What methods did you use?

— Do you often manage to “remove” roles that are not yours in life?

Indeed, it is quite difficult to communicate constructively, realizing that you are being assigned roles that are not typical for you. And it is necessary to talk about this (for example, to the phrase “You are always late,” you can answer “I have been late for the last three days, but not all the time”). Thus, you let the person understand that this role is not yours, and that you do not agree with identifying you with it. By removing “labels” from yourself, communication with your interlocutor moves into a new direction, where neither your boundaries nor boundaries of the interlocutor. And thus a favorable atmosphere is created for constructive and conflict-free communication.

Summary

Conflict among children at school is a common occurrence. If a conflict of interests turns into systematic bullying, it becomes bullying. Parents and teachers have a responsibility to intervene and involve a psychologist.

But even if the disagreement does not involve physical or psychological violence, it is still unpleasant. Conflicts occur between all participants in the educational process - children, teachers and parents.

Recommendations from the psychologist at the Foxford online home school, Elena Petrusenko:

collect all the information about the situation;
have an open dialogue;
trust the child’s words;
seek advice from those not involved in the conflict;
Bring a third party into the discussion and seek out allies, observers, or moderators.

If all else fails, try family training. Externat Foxford will help you arrange the transition and advise you on any questions.

Don't be annoyed

One of the rules for organizing conflict-free communication is control over your emotions. A person who is on edge will never be able to control his thoughts and words. In order not to eliminate the consequences of rash decisions later, do not allow passions to become heated. Be cool. It is not always possible to be detached from a topic that is very exciting. In this case, practice the third-person mode of dialogue. Imagine that you are only observing the dialogue, and its topic does not concern you. When a person withdraws from direct participation, it becomes morally easier for him to take control of his feelings.

You can also practice defusing the atmosphere by asking follow-up questions. Often a person does not understand his interlocutor and is angry not at him, but at the fact that he did not fully understand what exactly his opponent meant. By asking additional questions, you will definitely be sure that you will understand your interlocutor correctly.

Know how to admit your mistakes

Organizing conflict-free communication between children is a complex process. Parents must teach their child to admit mistakes. People cannot live in peace and not make mistakes. It is through mistakes that a person learns what can be done and what cannot be done. It’s good to learn from other people’s mistakes, but few people know how to do it. Your mistakes are remembered for a long time. But for some reason in our society there is an opinion that it is shameful to make mistakes. This idea is put into the minds of their children by their parents. It is not surprising that children will try to hide the results of their wrong actions. And they will refuse to admit their wrongdoings. We need to teach children that there is no shame in admitting your mistakes. After all, any unsuccessful action is a lesson, having learned which you can move on with a confident step. But it’s not just children who don’t know how to admit their failures. Adults also suffer from this “disease”. People try to hide the result of their wrong actions even when it is openly announced to them that they were wrong. You need to learn to admit your guilt, draw conclusions from it and not make any more mistakes. By admitting your mistakes, a person will be less likely to conflict with others.

How to behave in conflict situations

A lot of conflict situations arise in everyday life. Some of them are created by us ourselves, some are provoked by people around us - colleagues, friends, family... Depending on the specific situation, we can either get involved in a dispute, defending our position, or avoid the conflict by stopping discussing the topic with the interlocutor.

The first option is obviously a losing one, because in a conflict it is completely unproductive and useless to prove and defend anything, no matter how confident you are that you are right. This can and should be done in a calm conversation between two people who want to listen to each other and draw conclusions. But not in a conflict, when one or both interlocutors are “emotional”, in an excited state, while experiencing anger, resentment, irritation and other negative feelings. Here, “trying to prove something” equals “wasting energy.”

The second option, stopping further conversation due to the fact that it is impossible to come to a common denominator, is also not the best. Firstly, this will not work with the bosses. You are unlikely to be able to tell your boss: “Listen, the conversation has reached a dead end, I don’t want to continue any more, we will each remain with our own opinion.” I can imagine the boss’s reaction to this remark - something like “hey, aren’t you confused, who decides here?” Secondly, even if you can afford to end the conversation unilaterally (for example, with your husband/wife), this is still not the best option. Judge for yourself. The conversation was never brought to its logical conclusion. You interrupted the interlocutor, showing reluctance to continue the conversation. All his negative emotions only intensified at this moment. He will certainly calm down, but a residue will remain, because they didn’t listen to him, he wasn’t accepted, he was eventually “shut up”..... All this negativity that remained after the unfinished conversation will sit in both of you, and then it will simply pour out in the other place at another time - either again at each other, but with redoubled force (and so on ad infinitum), or at other people (who have nothing to do with it). If this is a colleague, then he may, as an option, begin to put a spoke in your wheels, remembering how you shut him up. Well, there is another option - the worst. When negativity has no way out and accumulates inside. But this is the path to psychosis, illness and discord with oneself. I still proceed from the fact that you and I are looking for something to ourselves, and not from ourselves...

Be persistent

If we feel confident during a conflict, then it will be much easier for us to find a way to resolve it. Avoid being overly passive and don't let your opponent drag you down. But at the same time, you should not behave too aggressively and hostilely.

Passive-aggressive behavior, such as refusing to answer calls or slamming doors, will also be unhelpful. Take a clear stance on this issue.

Don't drag out past conflicts. Be honest about your feelings and don't be afraid to ask what exactly the other side of the conflict wants. Remain open to compromise.

Watch your gestures

Conflict-free communication involves both verbal and non-verbal communication. The person must be able to control his gestures. During a conversation, do not try to close yourself off from your interlocutor. Don't cross your arms or cross your legs. Try to relax and take the most natural position. Don't know where to put your hands during a conversation? Let them gesture. Gesticulation helps a person feel more relaxed and confident. But don't swing your arms too much. Your broad gestures will not be appreciated if you keep touching your interlocutor with your hands.

You need to look after not only your body, but also your face. Try to relax your muscles and smile while talking. Learn to smile even at people you don't like. It is easy to be rude to a person who is skeptical, but to offend a friendly person is much more difficult.

Final Thoughts

In an ideal world, we would resolve all conflict situations in a rational and reasonable manner. However, in reality, we are not always able to behave like intelligent beings.

By doing your best to keep yourself in check, you are more likely to achieve the exact outcome that makes all parties happy.

If you nevertheless give vent to your feelings, simply apologize to your opponent. Then be sure to forgive yourself. We are all human and we cannot behave correctly all the time.

If you are dealing with someone who has become out of control and has become verbally and physically aggressive toward you, end the conversation immediately. Find someone who can support you if you need it.

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Principles of conflict-free communication

When disagreements begin, in a conversation you need to try to turn them into a constructive form of communication in a timely manner

To avoid conflicts, you initially need to pay attention to simple rules:

Don't be a conflict provocateur

Sometimes even intonation that seems offensive to the interlocutor can become a spark for a quarrel. Be attentive to your opponent, be sure to listen to him, respect his opinion, even if yours contradicts him. If it comes to criticism, then it should be careful, not relate to the individual and his qualities, but be aimed specifically at a certain action. Even before the conversation begins, prepare yourself for a positive outcome of communication, be friendly and always smile. Don't suck up to your partner, just gently create a favorable atmosphere during mutual communication. If your opponent is a subordinate, then you never need to say that his affairs are irreparable

You can always correct mistakes, and by instilling in people the ease of resolving an issue, you can avoid a disaster in the conversation.

Don't blame your interlocutor. You need to try to understand him. This is better than criticism, as it develops tolerance, empathy and kindness in a person.
The main thing is to arouse interest in a person so that there is a personal desire to do something in response.
It is necessary to stop thinking about personal desires and merits. It is better to recognize the positive qualities of other people and sincerely approve of them.
The best way to influence your interlocutor is to talk about his desires in order to later give practical advice on how to achieve what you want, unless, of course, you are asked for this advice.
You should always take into account the opinions, points of view, plans and aspirations of all persons participating in the conversation.

Training “Conflict-Free Communication” - practical lessons on developing your inner successful interlocutor. The purpose of the training is to master the techniques of conflict-free communication and getting rid of misunderstandings in interpersonal communication, the selection and implementation of strategies and tactics of behavior in conflicts.

The main stakeholders of such a program are managers, middle and senior managers, specialists and heads of groups, divisions, and departments.

Brief content of such training:

Types of conflicts and their characteristics, their role in the team and the impact on the psychological climate of the department.
Forecast for the predisposition of a specific group of people to conflicts and their behavior strategies.
Techniques for preventing disputes - verbal and non-verbal.
Conflict prevention principles training.
Familiarization and practical application of techniques for effective conflict resolution in various situations and groups.

After completing such trainings, managers and everyone present gain positive experience in building the right relationships in any situation. The technique of conflict-free communication in a team is quickly and competently taught by psychologists, who help to study all aspects and consolidate the results in practice.

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Completion

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Appreciate every minute of your life, don’t waste your life creating quarrels that don’t lead to the realization of your desires. If you have a need to destroy another person, think about your aggressiveness. And also try to find other methods that will help defuse accumulated negativity. Take care of yourself and your loved ones!

And finally, we recommend reading the article about ways to develop your active and passive vocabulary.

The material was prepared by psychologist, Gestalt therapist, Alina Zhuravina

Read further:

How to overcome psychological barriers in interpersonal communication

The perceptual side of communication: the mechanisms of our perception of the interlocutor

Online test to determine the level of self-control in communication

Basic functions of communication in psychology

TOP 10 best books about nonverbal communication that are worth reading

Rules for conflict-free communication

Some of the rules for conflict-free communication are set out in the article “The right start to a relationship.” Here I provide a continuation of the rules of conflict-free communication.

Very good at listening, making eye contact and clarifying. You need to listen without criticism, with understanding, in a relaxed state. This will show that you are fully involved in the conversation. While listening, do not interrupt your interlocutor.

Interruption in itself can become a conflict if it is repeated often enough. Do not fuss during communication, be calm and focused on what is being said to you. If you “disconnect” from your interlocutor while he is speaking, believe me, he may develop an unpleasant feeling towards you.

When you agree, nod your head in confirmation and say a short “yes”, carefully watching the speaker.

How to talk about yourself during communication

You must be able to hear yourself during your own monologues and dialogues. When you listen to others, you probably noticed that there are people who constantly say about themselves “I’m a fool!”, “I was wrong as always,” “bad luck again,” etc.

, and then they wonder why others consider them stupid and narrow-minded. Therefore, learn to listen to what you say and remove words and phrases that demean yourself from your speech. But don’t humiliate others in your speeches! Such communication will definitely not be conflict-free.

I’ll pay a little attention not to communicating with another person, but to communicating with myself, because this is very important. If you are disconnected from reality, then some kind of internal monologue constantly sounds in your head.

To make sure of this, try stopping yourself several times a day with the question: “What am I thinking about now?”

At first, it is important to learn to simply stop in the daily hustle and bustle, ask this question and monitor your thoughts. They can be of two types - positive or negative

If your thoughts are positive, everything is fine. But there are less than 5% of people with positive thoughts. Therefore, if you belong to the majority and catch yourself thinking negative thoughts, then learn to switch yourself to positive thoughts through an effort of will. It's not as difficult as it seems, the main thing is to acquire such a habit.

Using the rules of conflict-free communication, you can build friendly connections

Learn not to reproach anyone, not to make claims, to forgive internally. This will free you from the heavy burden of mental negativity. Learn to avoid judgment and not express criticism. Listen carefully to what the speaker wants to convey to you. Empathize with him and don't judge him.

Know how to ask questions at the right moment (when your interlocutor is ready to answer them, and does not want to “talk it out”)

Try to resist the desire to immediately offer a solution to the problem; perhaps your interlocutor himself knows how to solve it, and now it is important for him to speak out. Don't give out banal advice

Firstly, it is boring, and secondly, it shows a lack of interest on your part, it shows that you are not involved in the speaker’s problem itself. Try not to ask “Why?” as this makes the speaker feel uncomfortable and feel like you think they are wrong.

When you listen, try not to object to your interlocutor, even if he is clearly mistaken, until he speaks out and asks for your opinion. Keep a clear head and ask insightful questions so you know you understand exactly what you are being told.

Analyze the nonverbal signals that your interlocutor sends.

How to communicate so that others listen to you?

If you listen to a person attentively, then he will most likely also listen to you attentively. Choose the tone of communication, that is, speak with the same volume and the same speed as your interlocutor.

Don't forget about body language: if you lean slightly towards the speaker, stretch your neck towards him and nod from time to time. The speaker will subconsciously perceive that you are listening to him attentively. Smile sincerely when talking, be interested in your whole appearance.

Take a relaxed position and make eye contact. I repeat once again: do not criticize and, especially, do not insult.

Clarity is the main virtue of speech

Always know exactly what you want to say. Create a favorable impression of yourself. Try to make sure that your interlocutor understands you correctly. Create visual images so that the interlocutor remembers what you tell him. Use humor in your conversation. It is necessary to establish feedback with the interlocutor, ask him questions, involving him in the conversation.

Techniques

"I-messages"

Instead of reproaching your partner, contact him with a request in the form of an “I-message”. If you don't like something, the chance of being heard will increase many times over if you express yourself and your feelings, rather than devaluing and blaming others.

Pay attention to the difference in the construction of phrases: “You are bad and stupid, couldn’t you have done it differently?” and “When you do that, I get upset. Could you please not do this anymore because it hurts me?”

The first option clearly sounds like an accusation, and therefore will not evoke any sympathy. And even more so the desire to be more careful in your actions in relation to the speaker.

It is important for every person to feel that he is good, smart, interesting, and so on. Why will every negative assessment be met with hostility?

Then there can be no question of any constructive solution to the issue. Anger, even if it is not openly shown due to the power of the condemning figure, it will still arise. Gradually destroying trust and intimacy.

Experience

When you give advice, it means that you feel stronger and smarter than your partner. The power is in your hands and this may not please someone who would like to be at least on an equal footing with you. Remember, if you give advice, you are then responsible for the consequences.

You can share your experience, for example, how you dealt with a certain situation. But under no circumstances insist on doing an act that you think is right. Even if you are asked for advice, frame your answer in such a way that the person has space to make their own decision.

What once worked for you does not mean it will be ideal for others. Again, “I messages” come in handy when you tell a story about yourself, rather than giving valuable instructions on how to live correctly.

Be sincere

If you don’t want to discuss a topic, you shouldn’t interrupt your interlocutor’s attempts with similar phrases: “That’s it, this topic is closed,” “Not a word more about this,” and so on. Not clarifying important issues is like a child's game of hide and seek. When a child covers his face with his hands and thinks that he is not visible, since he does not see anything. And if you don’t talk about a problem, it doesn’t mean it doesn’t exist. Do you agree?

In this case, be sincere and say that remembering something causes you pain, so you are not yet ready for such a conversation. Or whatever is actually happening there.

Active listening

A person who has information about active listening techniques and also uses them in everyday communication is able to win the favor of absolutely any person. Learn to listen and hear exactly what they want to convey to you. People tend to speculate and fantasize instead of clarifying how things really are.

It is for this reason that we sometimes encounter the fact that we do not know a person close to us at all. And all because the invented image prevented us from seeing the real one. Therefore, master active listening techniques, so you will not only establish contact with others, but also learn a lot about them. Something that was not noticed before.

Don't put yourself above others

The first rule of conflict-free communication is not to ask questions. A person must understand his place in this world and have an adequate assessment of his own abilities. But this does not mean that communicating with people who are lower on the social ladder should be biased. Try not to wonder. Nobody likes people who constantly show off their successes and try to demonstrate their achievements at every opportunity. This greatly irritates people who have not achieved much in life. Don't try to humiliate such people. Not everyone is lucky in life. All people have their own life circumstances. If you want to learn how to win over any interlocutor, then try to talk to people in their language.

Let the person have their opinion

People who often conflict with their acquaintances cannot accept one simple rule: every person has the right to their own opinion. And in some cases, people's opinions will differ. This is fine. You should not judge a person because his set of values does not coincide with yours. All people were brought up in different conditions and social strata. Each person has different values and life priorities. It is not surprising that opinions on many issues, especially philosophical ones, will not coincide. Conflict-free communication skills need to be developed in childhood. Parents should instill in their children that each person must choose his own destiny. Every individual has the right to do as he wants. And if a person’s desires do not harm others in any way, then he is free to do whatever he wants. This idea allows people to communicate better. You may not accept a person's point of view, but you need to learn to understand it.

Know how to find a compromise

Every person must learn to give in. It is impossible to defend your point of view all the time. To exist normally in society, sometimes you have to make compromises. Learn to compromise your own opinions, and then you can achieve great success. Don't try to embrace the immensity. You won’t be able to impose your opinion on everyone around you. Therefore, learn to find a middle ground so that it partially satisfies your desires and partially satisfies the desires of your opponent.

Principles of conflict-free communication

When disagreements begin, in a conversation you need to try to turn them into a constructive form of communication in a timely manner

To avoid conflicts, you initially need to pay attention to simple rules:

Don't be a conflict provocateur

You can always correct mistakes, and by instilling in people the ease of resolving an issue, you can avoid a disaster in the conversation.

Listen man

Conflict-free communication and self-regulation are possible only when you listen to your interlocutor. Anyone can listen to an opponent's words, but hearing them is an amazing ability. People rarely attach importance to the thoughts that their interlocutor expresses. Why? A person, when not expressing his opinion, begins to formulate a thought that he will utter when his opponent finishes ranting. This policy is very ineffective. The person does not listen to his interlocutor, and, as a result, does not understand his thoughts. In order not to conflict with people, you need to learn to listen to them. Try to abstract yourself from your thoughts and focus on what the interlocutor is telling you. Your opponent’s thoughts will reach you, and you will be able to better build a dialogue and understand the person.

Think about what you're talking about

A person must always be aware of his thoughts, which he puts into words. Sometimes people get so carried away in a conversation that they forget who exactly they are talking to. Your friend will be able to forgive you for offensive remarks, but a stranger may be offended. Conflict-free communication presupposes total control over the conversation. Delve into every word of your interlocutor and choose your words with special care. Don't be afraid that there will be short pauses from time to time. But the conversation will be exclusively friendly.

Never deliberately try to offend a person. Today it is fashionable to speak caustic and sarcastic. But before you say an offensive phrase, think about whether you would be pleased to hear it addressed to you. No? Then don't say hurtful words.