What is anger and how to experience the emotion profitably - is it normal to be angry?

Human anger is a negative emotional outburst that is a harbinger of aggression. It can literally burst a person from the inside. Strong anger is often characterized by negative emotions with a flow of destructive energy, marked by a shutdown of the ability to analyze actions. The sudden manifestation of such behavior in an individual causes bewilderment among the people around him, as well as anxiety in the person himself.

Anger is an emotion, often of an aggressive nature, directed towards something or someone with the goal of destruction, suppression, subjugation (usually inanimate objects). Often the reaction of this negative emotion is short-lived. During an emotional outburst, a person’s facial muscles tense; the body becomes like a stretched string; teeth and fists are clenched, the face begins to burn; there is a feeling as if something is “boiling” inside, while there is no control over the mind.

What is anger

The definition of anger in psychology is closely associated with aggression. Anger is considered its previous stage, after which a person can fall into real rage.

Anger is a reaction in which dissatisfaction or indignation arises about an event or phenomenon. Often a person's instinctive desire is to destroy an inanimate object that causes him anger. Usually the emotion is short-lived.

Diagnostics

To determine the cause of uncontrollable outbursts of anger, you should consult a doctor. You should first visit a therapist. He learns about the symptoms accompanying such a condition. He will then refer the patient to a specialist. Consultation with an endocrinologist, neurologist, psychiatrist or psychologist may be required.

The doctor will determine how long ago certain symptoms began and how often they occur. Also, the medical specialist should ask what kind of life the person leads, what kind of rest and work schedule he has, and whether there are any bad habits. An important factor is the psycho-emotional situation in the patient’s life. It is also important to establish whether the patient has chronic psychiatric illnesses.

An MRI of the brain may be needed to determine the cause of the outbursts. The doctor will prescribe a general blood test, urine test, and biochemical blood test. You may need to do an ultrasound of the thyroid gland and donate blood to check hormone levels. After carrying out the necessary diagnostics, it is possible to establish why such attacks occur and develop an effective strategy to combat them.

Only by identifying the true cause and curing the underlying disease can attacks of aggression be suppressed.

Reasons for anger

The emotion of anger is familiar to absolutely everyone. People can also become irritated for various reasons.

How to develop self-control?

Many people think that the ability to remain calm is a gift that is not given by nature to everyone. In reality, it is quite possible to develop it independently and even achieve very significant success in this. Let's look at several effective techniques that can help with this.

Find your problem areas

First, analyze your life and remember situations in which you failed to remain calm when necessary. This will allow you to identify the most problematic areas - this is where you should start working on yourself.

Perhaps you cannot resist the temptation to buy a delicious cake or a bottle of beer, or you are unable to refuse an online game that takes an inordinate amount of time. Remember also the last conflict with a loved one - did you manage to restrain your emotions well and not say too much?

Work on your emotions

Separately, you need to think about the emotions and experiences that you find it difficult to control. Perhaps some situation at work that you observe every day causes you resentment and resentment. Think about it carefully and try to understand why it has such a strong impact on you.

To better understand how to develop self-control, write down in a notebook all the emotions that you find difficult to control, and think about each of them in the same way. Think about how to get rid of uncontrollable experiences. Having sorted them all out, it will be much easier to deal with them.

Remind yourself that you are the only one in control of your life.

This is a very important point. Most people tend to shift the blame for their mistakes to external circumstances. When something bad happens, they get upset and begin to feel sorry for themselves, believing that life is unfair to them.

If a person knows that all the circumstances of his life are the result of his own decisions and actions, it is much easier for him to control himself in difficult situations. Even if trouble has occurred, he knows that right now everything depends only on him and his actions. And this helps him maintain his composure.

To strengthen your sense of responsibility for your life, you can mentally repeat specially selected affirmations. To do this, you can use the following phrases:

• “I am the master of my life”;
• “My whole life depends only on me”;
• “I am in complete control of myself and my emotions”;
• “My ability to self-control is growing every day”;
• “Feeling in control of my life gives me pleasure.”

Using these simple guidelines, you can significantly speed up your progress in developing self-control.

Play out successful scenarios in your head

Sometimes it is useful to imagine a typical situation in which you previously showed weakness and could not remain calm. Imagine different variations of those events and think about how it would be correct to react in each case. Think carefully about your impulsive reaction and explain to yourself why it was not constructive. This is a fairly effective exercise, as it will help you quickly find your bearings and maintain composure the next time you find yourself in a similar situation.

What is the purpose of the emotion?

The feeling of anger is a very valuable emotion that:

1. Helps you define and defend your personal boundaries. If the boundaries of personality are blurred, then everyone will do literally what they want with a person and his property. The feeling of anger helps both the person himself and the people around him, it shows that certain lines cannot be crossed.
2. Mobilizes the body's resources to protect against dangers. If there were no anger, a person would calmly watch as an angry street dog grabbed his leg.
3. Relaxes the body. Anger is a way to throw out accumulated negative emotions.
4. Helps make the world a little better. If a person notices injustice (for example, they offend the weak), he experiences anger and comes to the rescue.
5. Lets a person know that he is strong and can stand up for himself. It is believed that people who can become angry in a situation of threat towards them have better control over their destiny and realize their own needs.
6. Forms a more positive outlook on what is happening. Long thoughts about one’s own insignificance and remaining in a depressed state only destroy a person. This concentration is built on failure. It is much more useful to throw out your anger and get down to business with renewed vigor.
7. Makes work more efficient and productive. Anger works well in a situation when a person thinks something like this: “Well, I’ll still prove to this boss that I’m a good worker! Today I will do everything perfectly, and he will no longer dare to scold me in front of other employees!” It is not healthy to constantly follow such a motto. But using it as an impulse for action is fine.
8. Improves a person's psychological state. Many people spend energy and resources on taming emotions. It will be much more productive to throw out anger in a safe way, without redirecting aggression towards yourself or others.

Have you ever been able to benefit or benefit from anger? Be sure to share your experience in the comments.

A detailed video about anger from psychotherapist Elena Boyarskaya, a description of physiological processes in the body, the production of hormones. The video has practice and many examples.

From theory to practice

If you want to start actively working right now to develop self-control, reduce the level of stress in life, clear your mind and reboot your consciousness, I advise you to take the “Brain Detoxification” course from Vikium, which will help you:

1. Focus on what's important.
2. Reduce stress and anxiety levels.
3. Improve the quality of sleep and rest.
4. Reduce distraction.
5. Get rid of toxic thoughts.

The training consists of 10 lessons and practical tasks. You will receive tools and exercises, as well as video and audio materials. At the end of the course, they will give valuable recommendations for independent practice.

What does the emotion of anger look like - physical effects

It has been scientifically established that when a person experiences anger, his body begins to produce more of the hormone adrenaline. The sympathetic nervous system is in increased tone.

Blood sugar also begins to be produced faster, which causes the liver to work harder.

Individually, people may experience temporary changes in the functioning of some internal organs. This usually depends on the general condition of the body.

Visually, a person in anger looks like:

• tense facial muscles;
• the body involuntarily stretches;
• teeth and fists clenched;
• blood suddenly rushes to the face;
• cheeks begin to “burn” and tingle;
• the mind is difficult to control (often there is no control at all).

Why you need to understand the nature of your emotions

Photo by Igor Starkov on Unsplash
When a person feels bad about himself, and he experiences constant irritability and broadcasts anger to others, his life turns into a vicious circle with shades of gray and black.

And in order to break out of this circle and add a bright palette to life, you need to learn to understand the nature of your emotions, feelings, and personality traits.

Moreover, it happens that irritability and anger are conveyed by people close to our hearts. And it is in our power, through effective recommendations, to get them out of the vicious circle.

Stages and types of anger

The feeling of anger is a rather general concept. There are different types and manifestations of it.

The feeling of anger does not begin suddenly; a person has to go through several stages to fully achieve it.

Hidden anger

Hidden anger occurs in a person when he realizes that he cannot influence the situation himself. The feeling also arises in the opposite case. For example, when a person understands that he can protect himself and defend his own interests.

People who are naturally apathetic rarely experience feelings of anger, because their energy is at a fairly low level.

Stage of emotional arousal

The person realizes the seriousness of the problem. There is a need to throw out accumulated feelings and announce them to the world.

There is a high risk of lashing out at innocent people or your relatives nearby.

Wave of uncontrollable anger

In a fit of anger, a person may cry, scream, become hysterical, stomp his feet or actively gesticulate. Some, on the contrary, prefer to remain silent and withdraw into themselves. Their main task is to hide their own anger, try to cope with it, and remain in the eyes of others as a “good and cultured person.” This takes away a lot of mental and moral strength and resources from them, so the stage of living the emotion can stretch out and become painful.

There are a number of people who, in anger, begin to blame others for all their problems. In their opinion, those around them are completely devoid of a sense of compassion, do not understand anything and do not want to help. Such thoughts only add wood to the fire of negative emotions.

Decay stage of rage

After the manifestation of anger and all negative attacks, the person calms down. Inevitably, he comes to the understanding that difficulties happen and they can be solved. A plan begins to mature in my head on how to return life to its previous course.

Attention! If you do not allow yourself to experience negative emotions, you may experience prolonged depression.

Aggression as a disease

Outbursts of anger and aggression often indicate the development of a serious illness. Moreover, in each specific case, the manifestations of such a psycho-emotional state may differ significantly. If there is no disease, the attack goes away on its own after the provoking factor is eliminated.

Hormonal imbalances are manifested by sudden changes in mood. Attacks of rage occur for no apparent reason. At the same time, a person can quickly gain weight, even if he eats no more than usual. Headaches may occur, sleep may be disturbed, and gastrointestinal disorders may occur. The person’s well-being deteriorates, and the temperature may periodically rise for no apparent reason. Women experience menstrual irregularities.

Diabetes can cause violent outbursts of anger. In addition, a person feels thirsty and his appetite worsens. Gastrointestinal disturbances are also observed, the lower extremities swell. There is a frequent urge to urinate, and incomplete emptying of the bladder is felt. In men and women, sexual desire is completely absent or reduced.

During pregnancy, similar attacks may also occur. In this case, there may be no visible provoking factor. This is not a pathology. During pregnancy, hormonal levels change rapidly. This causes outbreaks of aggression and bad mood.

With hyperthyroidism, outbursts of unmotivated aggression may occur. The person behaves nervously, he has increased excitability and imbalance. Speech becomes rapid and sometimes incoherent. A person may feel unmotivated fear, anxiety, and suffer from insomnia. At the same time, the eyeballs protrude, and there may be double vision. The pressure becomes unstable, and sometimes the temperature rises. Appetite increases, but body weight decreases.

In each specific case, specific manifestations of outbursts of anger are determined. Diagnosis should be carried out by an experienced doctor.

The difference between anger and anger and rage

Often people consider such concepts as anger, anger and rage to be synonyms and do not see differences in them, although they exist. Essentially these are stages, or different shades.

Anger can be expressed verbally and non-verbally.

An example of verbal anger: a person swears loudly, calls names, blames others, gets into squabbles.

An example of nonverbal anger is when a person shows detachment, pride, contempt, or arrogance toward someone who they feel has done them wrong.

• Anger differs from anger in that it can be directed both at oneself and at others. A person is often angry because he was influenced by someone from his environment.
• Rage arises when a person realizes his helplessness and insecurity. Often this state looks like passive aggression or a strong outburst of negative emotions.

Manifestation of aggressiveness

Outbursts of anger in men can be caused by certain physiological features. Hormonal imbalances are one of the most common factors of this manifestation. If a man's body produces more testosterone than is acceptable, outbursts of anger will appear. Aggression towards others will go off scale.

Sometimes this behavior is explained by a hereditary factor. Representatives of the stronger half of humanity inherited it from their medieval ancestors. During these times, they had to defend their territory. Moreover, the conflicts were very serious. If a man showed weak character, he could die himself, and at the same time all members of his family. Therefore, such behavior helped to survive. However, in the modern world such behavior is unacceptable. Therefore, aggression is a deviation in the mental sphere.

Outbursts of anger in women are also often the result of hormonal imbalances. If there are abnormalities in the female reproductive system, severe premenstrual syndrome, or other similar conditions, this can cause a woman’s aggressive behavior. More often, such behavior is observed among the fair sex before or during menstruation, pregnancy, and menopause. Hormonal disorders require proper treatment. By eliminating the root cause, such manifestations can be significantly reduced.

The nature of female aggression differs from male aggression. It is also caused by hereditary factors. A woman protects her child, so she has an outburst of aggression in moments of danger. It is also a survival factor that has been honed and passed down since ancient times.

Outbursts of rage in women and men require not only medical but also psychological treatment. However, the approach to representatives of both sexes must be specific. Physiology and factors that determine human behavior are taken into account.

The Unobvious Benefits of Anger

Many people realize that all emotions, including negative ones, must be lived through. Anger provides psychological release and promotes purification; you can read about this above in the “Purposes of Anger” section. But at the same time, there are many other, unobvious benefits from anger:

1. Helps to persuade the interlocutor in your favor. If a person is angry, then the interlocutor unconsciously fears him, quickly agrees to his conditions, and accepts his point of view. Of course, you shouldn’t constantly resort to this technique, but it exists.
2. Allows a person to become more successful in his career. Someone who openly and reasonably expresses dissatisfaction will be promoted or their salary will be raised faster, rather than remaining silent for fear of ruining relationships in the team.
3. Increases the duration and quality of life. Hot Spaniards and Italians live much longer than calm Englishmen or prim Germans. Showing your true emotions, including anger, is very good for your health. People who contain them within themselves are more susceptible to heart attacks, strokes, hypertensive crises, and oncology.
4. Reduces crime rates. Previously, it was believed that playing violent computer games forces a person to repeat the same thing in reality. New research has found that teenagers who play bloody shooting games show much lower levels of aggression than their peers who don't play.
5. Develops creativity. If you can’t do, write or come up with something, then you should get really angry. In a state of anger and emotional arousal, a person generates ideas much better.
6. Capable of strengthening relationships. A person who shows mercy, constantly forgives and justifies everyone, is more likely to be offended again. Forgiveness does not help resolve the conflict, but only deepens and reopens emotional wounds. Sometimes it is useful to express anger and show clearly why your partner’s behavior is unacceptable.
7. Makes the brain work more intensely. When a person is angry, he can begin to perceive information better, evaluate it from different angles, and quickly come to the right decision.
8. Helps to be honest. If a person is unfairly accused of something, then sooner or later, in a fit of anger, he will get angry. This technique often helps police officers understand whether the person in front of them is really innocent, or whether he is carefully hiding something.

Of course, we are talking about periodic anger and its ecological manifestation. Constant unconscious anger, rage, and aggression will deprive a person of these advantages.

Do you know any non-obvious benefits of anger? Be sure to share your knowledge, experience and observations in the comments.

Section IV. Passion of anger, state of aggression and overcoming them

Usually people understand anger as a kind of emotional tension, as a result of which a person begins to raise his voice, swear, insult others, and sometimes it comes to a fight. The way out of the situation is usually seen as follows: they say, be patient, keep cool in all life situations, smile and don’t get angry.

How to achieve this? How are passion and anger understood in Orthodox asceticism and how to overcome them?

1.1. Patristic understanding of anger

In Orthodox asceticism, the state of anger is taken very seriously. Anger among all ascetics is considered a mortal sin, since it has an extremely disastrous effect on a person’s spiritual life. “Who will describe,” exclaims Saint Gregory of Nyssa, “as it should, the passionate movements of anger? What word would describe the indecency of such a disease? Look how the same attacks appear in those possessed by irritation as in those possessed by demons... what is the difference between them? Bloodshot and perverted eyes of the possessed, a tongue that speaks unclearly, rough pronunciation, a shrill and intermittent voice - these are the common actions of both irritation and the demon; shaking of the head, frantic movements of the hands, trembling of the whole body, legs not standing still - in such features there is one description of two diseases... And the demon, tormenting the body of the sufferer, stops the evil by the fact that the raging one hits the air with his hands in vain; and the demon of irritability does not make bodily movements in vain. For when this one gains the upper hand, the blood in the atrium boils, as they say, with bitter bile from an irritable disposition that has spread throughout the body; then, from the constriction of internal vapors, all the main sensitivities are oppressed. The eyes emerge from the outline of the eyelashes, and something bloody and serpentine is directed at what is offensive to them. And the insides are suppressed by breathing, the veins in the neck are exposed, the tongue becomes white, the voice from the compression of the beating vein involuntarily becomes sonorous, the lips from the cold bile that has entered them harden, turn black and become immobilized... so that they are unable to hold back the saliva that fills the lips, but they spew it out along with the words and, due to forced pronunciation, spit it out in the form of foam” [3, p. 459–460].

An angry person, suffering himself, poisons the lives of those around him. “Any anger or any other passion, settling in the heart, strives - according to the indispensable law of evil - to pour out. That is why they usually say about an angry or angry person that he took out his anger on this or that or took out his anger on that. The trouble with evil is that it does not remain only in the heart, but tries to spread outward. From this it is already clear that the author of evil is himself great and has a vast area in which he reigns. The whole world lies in evil (1 John 5:19). Just as vapors or gases, having accumulated in abundance in a locked place, tend to erupt out, so passions, like the breath of the spirit of malice, filling the human heart, also tend to spill out of one person onto others and infect the souls of others with their stench” [9, p. 72]. Confirmation of these words of the righteous John of Kronstadt can be easily found in the modern world.

Thus, there can be no ease or superficiality in overcoming and fighting the passion of anger.

Anger in Orthodox asceticism belongs to the eight deadly sins and is a passion. Rev. Nikita Stifat explains the difference between passion and sin as follows

image: “Passion moves in the soul, but sinful acts are visibly accomplished by the body” [cit. from: 6, p. 248]. That is, any sin is called passion if it is repeated often and lurks in the soul for a long time.

The word “passion,” as is easy to see, comes from the verb “to suffer” and denotes an internal illness.

“Lust and anger are not attributes of nature, but consequences of its depravity. He who conquers them does not conquer nature, but destroys the corruption of nature and elevates it to his natural rank” [18, p. 102].

1.1.1. Passion of Anger

According to the opinion of S.M. Zarina, “a passionate state, based on the dominance of sensual egoism [in bodily passions]... reaches... its highest intensity and violent impetuosity precisely in anger” [5, p. 283].

As the main, essential feature of the affect of anger in ascetic writing, the desire to take revenge on the offender, the desire for evil who upset Anger, according to St. Gregory the Theologian, is a desire for revenge; if it is directed outward, then it is anger, and if it remains inside, then it is rancor [cit. from: 18, p. 124]. The teachings of Christ the Savior Himself depict different degrees of development of anger, and not only extreme hatred is subject to condemnation, but even swear words addressed to another person, that is, the desire to humiliate him (see: Matt. 5, 21–22). The Monk John of Damascus distinguished three types of anger: hot temper, malice and vindictiveness [see: 7, p. 88]; other fathers distinguished anger, rage, annoyance. Outwardly, anger is found in words, actions and deeds driven by hatred, and in its tendencies and consequences it turns out to be a destructive phenomenon. Its internal property corresponds to its external manifestation, being, in the words of St. Basil

The Great, “an internal storm of a troubled spirit,” or, according to the definition of Abba Evagrius, “short-term rage.” The Holy Fathers name the following external signs of anger: bloodshot and squinting eyes, bristling hair, pale or purple cheeks, intermittent, rapid speech, gnashing of teeth, flared nostrils, throwing up of hands, stamping of feet, tilting of the head, sweat. The passion of anger, as St. Basil the Great describes it, as soon as it rejects the suggestions of reason and takes possession of the soul, turns a person into a beast [cit. from: 15, p. 195].

In religious and moral terms, the dominance of anger in a person generally indicates a lack of love for God and neighbor in him and, in particular, excludes the possibility of the presence in his soul of patience, meekness, humility, mercy and does not allow a person to perform the feat of prayer.

1.1.2. Righteous anger

The Holy Fathers also talk about the benefits of anger when they call anger righteous. Thus, Bishop Varnava (Belyaev) writes: “Anger at its core is a legitimate and necessary ability for man of the “irritable” part of the soul, which he, like all others, perverted after his fall and made, instead of a virtue, a passion. Anger, according to the original plan of the Creator, was supposed to be energy, jealousy, zeal, which would “irritate,” that is, bring into tension the “desirable” power of the soul (desire, lust, which has now turned, like anger, into passion, namely lust) and forced the latter to strenuously rush towards God” [2, p. 201].

Consequently, just as anger in a state of virtue, that is, in the form of divine zeal, was blamelessly and lawfully directed before the fall of Adam against God (which now occurs only among saints), so now, when anger has taken the form of passion, it must be directed towards the devil, and therefore , through this and to vices. Only in this case is it permissible.

“Be angry with the serpent alone, through whom you fell,” says St. Gregory the Theologian [cit. from: 15, p. 192]. “By remembering malice, remembering malice against the demons and, being at enmity, be at enmity against your flesh incessantly,” teaches another luminary of reasoning, the Venerable John Climacus” [10, p. 105].

Only then is rage used naturally and for good, when it is directed against passionate and voluptuous thoughts, towards sin and Satan. In this case, anger is sinless and good, according to the words of King David: When you are angry, do not sin (Ps. 4:5).

If we summarize the above, we can conclude that anger is a gift from God, given to man to fight the devil and sin, but turned after the Fall against God and his neighbor. The “irritable part of the soul” is basically virtue, but perverted by man into passion. For modern man, the problem is rather the misuse of this gift of God. The holy fathers call this gift of God the power “thymos”, which translated from Greek means “I burn”, “I burn”, “I strive passionately”. This strength of the soul, according to Saint Isaac the Syrian, manifests itself in natural jealousy and zeal - this is the intensity of spiritual energy. According to patristic teaching, the dominance of reason over carnal desires is possible only through the power of “thymos,” writes S.M. Sarin. Reason, thanks only to this power of zeal, can provide the soul with continuity in the growth of virtue, steadfastness in the fight against evil [see: 5, p. 278–279].

According to the figurative expression of St. Basil the Great, this “thymos-energy” - “zeal-passion” is, as it were, the “nerve of the soul”, giving it strength for unremitting affirmation in good deeds. The passionate power of “thymos” in itself is sinless and even desirable, as S.M. says. Sarin, if it is a tool for achieving higher religious and moral goals. But with the egoistic orientation of a person’s will, the force of “thymos” tends to the worst passionate sins, to the unnatural passion of anger. Then all the energy “thymos” pours out in violent outbursts. All the forces of cardiac excitement are spent on personal failures, everyday existence, personal conflicts, insults and grief. What is now being defended is not the glory of God, but the egoism and selfhood of man [see: 5, p. 280, 282–283].

1.1.3. Reasons for anger

Everyone knows that when a person is overwhelmed with anger, he is not able to adequately assess either the other person, or himself, or the situation as a whole. But when he calms down, then he can judge what caused his angry reaction. But it often happens that a person calms down and understands that he was angry, but cannot figure out what the real reason was.

The psychological basis of anger, according to St. Theophan the Recluse, is self-love, or exaltation, according to St. John the Climacus. Anger is caused by various external obstacles that a person encounters on the way to achieving his personal goals, when his will comes into conflict with another will that does not obey it, when a person encounters an imaginary or real unfair attitude towards himself from other people [see: 17, With. 94].

There can be quite a lot of external causes of anger, and anger often manifests itself in ordinary, unimportant situations.

Let us note that the first mistake in resolving this issue is that almost all people believe that the cause of their anger is not themselves, but other people or circumstances. What is this belief based on? The fact is that anger or any other emotional reaction usually arises from someone’s actions.

“For example, someone sits in his room at work, feeling in a quiet, calm mood. A visitor comes to him: he starts a conversation, an argument, contradictions arise, and he becomes furious. Well, has the visitor already brought the passion of anger to him? No, the visitor’s arrival only exposed his secret passion” [13, p. 84].

The same thing happens in many everyday situations, for example, when a person works as a seller and buyers often cannot decide and ask to show one product or another. Other examples: when a woman has prepared food, but relatives do not want to eat because they are not hungry; when my neighbor bought a poor-quality item, but it’s clear to me that the money was wasted. Is it my fault in these cases? “Apparently not, because I personally didn’t do anything wrong, but other people behaved wrongly.” Following this reasoning, we convince ourselves that our anger can be called just because other people caused an outburst of anger in us. It is the reasons for his anger and irritation towards other people, hidden within himself, that force a person to conduct an absurd search for “the culprit”. In addition, we have a very developed skill of seeing the sins of other people, but not noticing our own.

Some even want to retire under the pretext of not communicating with passionate people who might seduce them. “Sometimes we, overcome by pride or impatience, intending to correct our uneducated, disorderly disposition, wish to retire into solitude, as if there we would soon acquire the virtue of patience, when no one would touch us, excusing our negligence, we say that the causes of anger are not in our impatience, but in the vice of the brethren. And [since] we place the reasons for our errors on others, we will never be able to achieve the highest degree of patience and perfection" [8, p. 109].

Sometimes, having restrained our anger in one situation, we throw it out in another - we replace it: in another situation, a person thus discharges his internal tension, accumulated or restrained anger. We often see such substitution in life, when a person takes out his irritation, anger, frustration, caused by one person, on another person or on the first object he comes across [see: 4, p. 195].

Thus, this is one of the reasons that many people find themselves in conflict situations with surprising consistency.

“An angry person, at times voluntarily carried away by this passion, is then, out of skill, involuntarily overcome and crushed by it,” says St. John Climacus [10, p. 99].

Therefore, it is necessary to clearly understand: “... it is not always the guilt of others that causes indignation in us, but more from our depravity, because we have in ourselves hidden causes of insults and seeds of vices, which, as soon as the rain of temptations falls on our soul, immediately produce sprouts and fruits,” writes St. John Cassian the Roman [8, p. 115].

No one can ever be forced to fall into sin because of someone else's vice unless he is disposed to sin in his own heart.

Even John Cassian the Roman wrote that “the main reason for our correction and peace should not be placed in the arbitrariness of another, who is not subject to our power, but it lies in our condition. So, in order for us not to be angry, this should not come from the perfection of another, but from our virtue, which is acquired not by someone else’s patience, but by our generosity” [8, p. 110].

So, we are not always right in showing our anger. But, before we continue to talk about the causes of anger, it is necessary to recall the interconnection of passions. In a person, all passions live in the heart, so they depend on each other and constantly replace one another. And anger, in turn, appears most often as a result of dissatisfaction with some passion. The Monk John Climacus says, as if on behalf of this passion, the following: “I have many mothers, and I have more than one father. My mothers are: vanity, love of money, gluttony, and sometimes lustful passion. And my father is called arrogance. My daughters are: malice, hatred, enmity, self-justification" [10, p. 103]. Therefore, the holy fathers often see the root of anger in one or another passion rooted in a person’s heart.

Thus, Saint Theophan the Recluse points out that “the widest field for the location of this serpent (anger) is covetousness. “Don’t touch it, it’s mine” - this is the law of covetousness. If someone touches you, displeasure, anger, anger, enmity, hatred will follow” [18, p. 106].

“...Evil deeds depend on one another: hatred from irritability, irritability from pride, pride from vanity, vanity from unbelief, unbelief from hardness of heart, hardness of heart from negligence, negligence from laziness, laziness from despondency, despondency from impatience, impatience from voluptuousness” - The Monk Macarius of Egypt spoke about such a sequence in the development of the passion of anger [12, p. 264–265].

This means that anger is aroused by different reasons depending on situations, as each of us can be convinced of, since our heart is teeming with “passionate snakes”, which constantly, replacing one another, stick out their heads, and we, carried away by them, constantly remain indignant.

From the above it is quite clear that the cause of the manifestation of our malice and anger is ourselves, namely our passions. Let's look at specific examples of the origin of anger from one passion or another. These examples will help us understand that our “righteous anger” is not at all as righteous as we think, but rather is put at the service of our vices.

Anger from the passion of gluttony. Every person has a food instinct that protects bodily interests. But sometimes this instinct manifests itself too zealously. Many of us have been in a situation where we became irritated or angry with another person over food. Moreover, anger over food can occur during the actual preparation or eating of food. We can also be angry with loved ones if they do not eat what we have prepared (but in this case, perhaps, it is not our passion for gluttony that is manifested, but an overdeveloped parental instinct, our vanity and pride, hurt by the fact that they were “not appreciated” our work and culinary abilities). Or, conversely, we may be angry because other people (for example, guests) ate a lot, although it is possible that the person himself is to blame for inviting more people to visit than he could feed.

Anger from the passion of fornication. Many of us know that when a person is overwhelmed by the desire for carnal relationships, then if he encounters a refusal to satisfy them, he may begin to become angry or sad. Such situations occur both in family relationships and in fornication and debauchery. From here it becomes clear that if a person does not condemn anyone, is not angry with anyone, then he fulfills the commandment of love for a person and his irritable power is always at rest.

Anger from the passion of love of money. Very often anger comes from the passion of love of money or from the desire for worldly goods. It is no secret that at present all humanity is gripped by covetousness, theft, the desire for luxury, greed, etc., and also that our activities are mainly aimed at acquiring, preserving and using earthly goods. All these aspirations of the passion of love of money will be accompanied by anger. For example, anger arises when our business suffers a loss as a result of competition, when other subjective or objective circumstances arise that impede profits, production development, or any material losses.

Let us give a few examples from which we can see various modern causes of anger, originating from the love of money and manifesting themselves through anger.

The first situation, in which there is no obvious sinful act with malicious intent, is that a person wants to acquire something, but his neighbor does not agree with it. For example, a husband wants to buy a car, but his wife does not approve of his aspirations because she feels sorry for the money collected, because it gives her confidence in future stability, or because she is afraid of accidents.

Or, for example, someone in the family wants to buy an item (say, an expensive mobile phone), but they do not give him money from the family budget for this. Due to the fact that one desires and the other does not, irritation, anger, disputes, hatred, etc. occur.

People also get angry if someone legally or illegally takes their money or property or simply takes advantage of it.

Don't touch it, it's mine. This is the law of covetousness.

It often happens that one of your neighbors misuses household items, which leads to their damage or breakage. When we see this, our hearts clench and we are either ready to scream or shout at the person for such actions. At the same time, we experience a feeling of regret about this thing and a feeling of hostility towards our neighbor. This feeling may not be strong, or it may even be hatred. But in any case, this means that the power of our love is directed towards a material thing, while the opposite force is directed towards our neighbor: non-love. Moreover, in these seconds we do not realize this, but obey an impulse that protects things that are valuable to us.

The next reason for anger, which comes from the love of money, is visible when we do not want to repay a debt or it is not returned to us.

Anger and irritation also affect our physical health. Many people know the condition when every day they feel very tired from the busy pace of life. This fatigue is expressed by a loss of strength and frequent irritation with the people around us, which indicates the action of two passions of irritable force in us: overexcitation (affects, anger) and weakening of strength (sadness and despondency). The reason for this state of irritable strength is a lot of concern for earthly things, or the passion of love of money. This can manifest itself in preoccupation with many different matters.

And just as vices are connected with one another (thus, the love of money will be followed by envy, deception, perjury, rage, and memory), so virtues, such as meekness, long-suffering, kindness and non-covetousness, are connected with love and with each other.

1.2. Aggression and aggressiveness

In modern psychology, a huge number of publications are devoted to the description, diagnosis and correction of states of aggression and aggressiveness. If in most works aggression is considered as a negative phenomenon, then in the psychological literature there is also an understanding of aggression as a positive state of brain arousal, as a biologically appropriate form of behavior that promotes survival and adaptation, as a characteristic of human activity and adaptability. Thus, there is an opinion that aggression is a strong activity, a desire for self-affirmation, an internal strength that allows a person to resist external forces. (This is what the holy fathers defined as “thymos” - the energy of the soul, zeal - “I burn, I burn.”) In the light of such definitions, the lack of aggressiveness leads to pliability, the inability to take an active position in life.

Until the beginning of the 20th century, any active behavior, both benevolent and hostile, was considered aggressive. Later, this term began to be used in a narrower sense - as hostile behavior or actions towards other people.

Aggressive action is a manifestation of aggressiveness as a situational reaction. If aggressive actions are periodically repeated, then in this case we should talk about aggressive behavior as a personality trait.

“Aggressiveness is a personality trait that consists in the willingness and preference to use violent means to achieve one’s goals. Excessive development of aggressiveness according to the type of accentuation begins to determine the entire appearance of the personality, turning it into a conflict person, incapable of socialization. In this case, aggression loses its rational-selective orientation and becomes a habitual way of behavior, manifesting itself in unjustified hostility, malice, cruelty, and negativism. Aggressiveness as a relatively stable readiness for aggressive actions in a variety of situations should not be confused with the concept of “hostility” [11, p. 167].

People who are characterized by aggressiveness, who often perceive threats and challenges from other people, and who are characterized by a willingness to attack those they do not like, are characterized by a hostile attitude towards other people; but not all people who are hostile to others are necessarily aggressive. Thus, if it is more appropriate to consider aggressiveness as a predisposition to aggressive behavior, then hostility can be defined as a negative attitude towards another person or group of people, which is expressed in an extremely unfavorable assessment of its victim object.

Aggression can be hidden and well disguised. We express our hostility when we say that we don't like a person, especially when we wish them harm. A hostile person is one who is usually more willing to verbally or otherwise express negative evaluations of other people, demonstrating a general unfriendliness towards them.

As a result of the analysis of the concept of “aggression” in psychology, T.N. Kurbatova and A. Rean identified three levels in the structure of aggression [see: 11, p. 92; 14, p. 107].

The first level of aggression characterizes a person as a natural being and is manifested in such temperamental characteristics as excitability and irritability. At this level, aggression manifests itself rather as an active state of mobilization, emotional stress, as brain activation, which can be adequate or slightly superior to the situation. It is well known in biology that these conditions are determined mainly by the level of specific hormones in the blood (adrenaline, norepinephrine, thyroxine, etc.). The natural basis of this aggression is the need to protect oneself, one’s offspring, and one’s habitat. Such an active state is considered as a necessary condition for adaptation to the living environment, which largely depends on such traits of life position as persistence, initiative, perseverance in achieving goals, and overcoming obstacles. These qualities are often found in leaders.

From our point of view, this level of “aggression” can be considered as a biologically appropriate form of behavior that promotes survival and adaptation (what the Holy Fathers call “thymos”).

At the second level, aggression manifests itself as a desire for success, goals, and a threat. In this case, also providing activity with the necessary level of activation, aggression here manifests itself in certain methods and styles of behavior associated with an unprovoked attack and violation of social norms.

The third level of aggression is associated with motivation, values ​​and the individual’s attitude towards the readiness and preferential use of violent means to achieve their goals.

For quite a long time, aggressiveness and rudeness on the one hand and uncertainty and passivity on the other have been tried to be presented and analyzed as some polar qualities that are unacceptable from ethical, medical and even economic points of view. It has been proven many times that aggression and insecurity negatively affect health, both physical and social, economic indicators, family income, etc.

The development of this line of research led to another important result: uncertainty and aggressiveness began to be understood as two different forms of manifestation of lack of self-confidence. Understanding the correct relationship between self-confidence and aggressiveness can become the basis for a person’s solution to his internal problem of self-affirmation (of course, provided he has social competence and adheres to ethics).

So, in psychology, aggressiveness is distinguished as a personal property that determines a destructive, destructive type of behavior, and aggression as a state of excitement of the nervous system, associated, among other things, with temperamental characteristics and manifested in the emotions of anger, impatience, irritability, anger.

The roots of anger and aggression can be found in various psychological problems of a person, in particular, insecurity. When working with aggressive individuals, you must first identify the reason for such behavior.

1.3. The difference between anger and aggression

It is interesting to find out whether there is anything in common in the ideas about anger among the holy fathers and the ideas about aggression among psychologists.

General. Both in patristic literature, the state of anger, and in psychological literature, aggression as violent actions is assessed negatively from a moral position.

There is also a neutral (beyond ethics) assessment of this state. In patristic literature this is the passionate force of zeal (zeal) - “thymos”, and in psychology these are ideas about the so-called first level of aggression. Probably, what in Orthodox asceticism is understood as the passionate force of zeal - “thymos”, in psychology is closest to the concept of “activation”, a biologically appropriate level of excitement of the nervous system.

What the Holy Fathers say about the “unreasonable passion of anger” manifested in human behavior probably corresponds to the second level of aggression - the characteristics of violence and attack in human behavior.

The lack of love for God and neighbor, expressed in the absence of tolerance, meekness, mercy, corresponds to the third level - personal aggressiveness - a preference for using violent means to achieve one's goals.

Are there differences between the concepts of “anger” and “aggression”?

Still, most traditionally, the term aggression means some type of behavior, physical or symbolic, that is motivated by the intention to harm someone else, that is, there is a goal: to cause harm to another person.

In contrast, anger does not necessarily have a specific goal, but signifies a specific emotional state. This condition is largely accompanied by internal physiological reactions and involuntary emotional expression in unfavorable situations: motor reactions (clenched teeth and lips, fists), facial expressions (widened nostrils and furrowed brows), etc. Emerging while thoughts and memories. All these sensory streams are combined in the consciousness of the individual, according to L. Berkowitz, into the experience of “anger” [see: 1, p. 43].

But no matter what components make up this emotional state, it is not aimed at achieving a goal and does not serve as the implementation of a specific intention in a particular situation. It is important to note that anger as an emotional state does not directly and necessarily trigger aggression as a desire to harm another, but usually only accompanies or encourages an attack on the victim. However, emotional experience and aggressive behavior do not always act together. Sometimes people tend to harm other people more or less impulsively, without conscious awareness of their own state of anger.

How to express anger correctly, without harm

In a fit of anger, a person can do something stupid or something that he will greatly regret later. It is important to express anger correctly and safely for others:

1. Sit down and write your offender a long, angry and emotional letter. Don't restrain yourself in your expressions. If towards the end of the letter the anger has not gone away, then what is written can be burned or torn, representing the ill-wisher.
2. Pound a pillow, a punching bag, or even the air. Shouting obscenities is not prohibited.
3. Get yourself a special glass or jar for anger and scream into it from the bottom of your heart. But you can do without a glass.
4. Do some physical exercise or go for a run.
5. Sing at the top of your lungs some Russian folk song like “There Was a Birch Tree in the Field” or “Valenki”. Or any other, at your own discretion.
6. Tear or crumple some unnecessary notebook or written notebook.

If dialogue with another person cannot be avoided, then you need to take responsibility for what happens to you. You can ask your interlocutor for forgiveness. For example, “Sorry, I’m angry now, I can say all sorts of stupid things. Give me a few minutes, I’ll calm down, and we’ll discuss everything.”

What techniques help you deal with your own anger? Share in the comments, maybe it will help someone.

REVENGE

Svetlana, 37 years old, editor

She was tormented by remorse from her own vindictiveness. Moral principles did not allow Sveta to react violently to the insult. She was afraid to burden her family with her irritation. At the same time, Svetlana was angry so much that taking out her anger on an inanimate object did not help. The only way to calm down for her was revenge. Her emotions transformed into an obsessive desire to harm her offender. It often took months to formulate cunning plans and carry out revenge. However, having answered the “villain” in this way, Sveta began to suffer because she felt guilty for the harm caused. It became much easier for her when she realized that it was enough to simply have a plan for revenge without carrying it out. Imagining in paints the reprisal against the offender, she learned to pour out her anger in her imagination. These fantasies gave vent to her emotions.

Recommendation:

passionately wanting to take revenge on someone, fantasize about it a lot and pay attention to your emotions. Often, imaginary punishment is enough to release anger.

Frequently asked questions and answers

Why do some people get angry more often than others?

The intensity of emotions varies from person to person. There are people who have quite developed anger (for example, they were bullied at school, their parents constantly scolded them, their relationships with the opposite sex did not work out). Naturally, they will become angry more often than people who had more joy and support in their lives.

Why understand when anger arises?

Not all people are able to control their own anger, and that's okay. Often, in the heat of rage, a person gets irritated by absolutely everything, even minor things. A new wave of anger about this could only make the situation worse. It is important to understand when anger arises so that you can give yourself time to deal with it, and then move on to addressing important issues again. People, not understanding how anger manifests itself, may confuse it with shame or powerlessness. And these feelings manifest themselves in different ways. This means they require different actions.

What happens if you don't express your feelings?

The accumulation of emotions, especially negative ones, leads to psychosomatic diseases and deterioration of health. Constant anger provokes constant tension and spasms, deterioration of blood and lymph flow. If a person accumulates anger within himself for a long time, then sooner or later he may “break through.” The shock wave of anger can provoke a serious conflict, fight, or other harm to others.

What is anger

If you turn to Dahl's explanatory dictionary for a decoding, anger is a short temper, a predisposition to anger.

Anger refers to a personality trait that manifests itself in a rapid transition to the emotion of anger as a reaction to an external stimulus. Simply put, anger is the tendency to be overly aggressive in response to any irritant.

Anger management

If you remember the comedy “Anger Management” - the main character was accused of excessive aggressiveness due to the fact that he could not control his emotions.

From a psychological point of view, the following signs are characteristic of anger:

• internal desires run counter to objective reality;
• unconditional confidence in one’s own rightness;

• unwillingness to compromise;
• lack of control over one's own emotions.

What is irritability

Anger and irritability have one common derivative - aggression. But if anger is a reaction to a specific external danger, then irritability is cumulative inconvenience caused by all kinds of prohibitions of a physical, mental and emotional degree.

Simply put, irritability is an increased emotional response to stimuli that do not correspond to the stated effect. A person explodes over trifles. This can be explained by bad character. But, according to psychiatrists, such a personality trait occurs in only 0.1%.