How to choose a wife and which girl is better to marry

Why does the young lady need to get married?

It would seem that the desire to start a family is justified?
After all, this is everyday work. And not only physical (cleaning, cooking, washing), but also moral. In addition, today most women prefer to pursue a career, while neglecting their personal lives. Despite the fact that marriage in the modern world is fading into the background, it is important for anyone to feel that she is desired by a man. It is when she is in a couple that she feels confident in the future and protected.

The opinion of society also plays an important role. And even if other people’s gossip seems like an empty phrase to a woman, it is very unpleasant to remain unmarried when all her friends have long since started families, and relatives are constantly wondering when she will finally get married and give birth to a child. This is why it is so important to be the woman you marry.

The work of the subconscious

Any girl knows what her future husband should be like. She paints a certain picture in her brain, which plays an important role in choosing a partner. When meeting with any age-appropriate man, she subconsciously evaluates him as a future husband. This is how the female psyche works. This cannot be changed.

Things are a little different for men. How do they choose their wives? They often do not have a clear image in their head, an ideal that they can rely on when choosing a partner. As a result, several years after the start of a relationship, a guy may realize that he is not the woman he needs. “Men are doomed to dive into the abyss of new relationships, guided by an inaccurate, vague idea of ​​what they are really looking for,” writes Alexey Karaulov.

However, psychologists say that almost every woman has a natural mate. That is, a man who is perfect for her. When these two meet, their sympathy and attraction are absolutely mutual. And although it seems to us that we fall in love with our appearance/demeanor/character, in reality everything happens at the level of smells and the subconscious. It follows from this that almost every woman is created for a family.

We say “almost” because there is a type of woman who is not married. What are they?

Question of nationality

The problem of nationality is the most pressing today, since young people of various ethnic groups experience some difficulties in communicating with their parents. If there are no barriers of this kind in your head, you will easily find your life partner.

However, rich wives of modern men, as practice shows, will never wear a hijab, burqa or kimono unless there is a special theme or occasion in a modern European state. Thus, modern men, when asked: “How to choose a wife?”, answer the following: “She must have a European appearance, have luxurious long hair, cook well and wear skirts - these are the main selection criteria.”

Skin-visual women

This is the type of young lady who is born to be a seductress. They are not created to devote themselves to a single man for life. They cause hostility among other representatives of the fair sex because they feel competition. The thing is that such women are able to “overpower” the smell of others and “steal away” their partner. But usually men do not marry such girls, perceiving them for the most part as a pleasant but short-term hobby. And for such a woman, marriage will be more of a heavenly punishment than a blessing.

Compatibility check

If you have already found a girl who is applying for the role of your future wife, you need to make sure that your choice is correct. For such testing, psychologists, astrologers, and Feng Shui specialists have created a large number of techniques that help determine the compatibility of a couple. But many men are skeptical about such methods of finding out details, so they trust more realistic methods. For example, living together before marriage.

To test each other's compatibility, a young couple, before registering their marriage, agrees to temporarily live together without formalizing their relationship. You need to give time to get used to living together. This method will allow you to see all the shortcomings and flaws in your partner that you had not noticed before. Living in a civil relationship for several months is a good way to determine the feasibility of entering into an official marriage.

Living together is a good test for both partners. The emergence of conflicts, quarrels, financial problems, omissions is a reason for doubts about the need to continue the civil marriage. But if both partners approach living together wisely and find compromise solutions in moments of disagreement, such a couple can become a happy family.

Source

Why do men marry and who?

The results of the sociological survey that we present in this article show for what reasons men allow themselves to be “confined”. It should be said that most women strive to marry for love. However, a similar trend is not observed among men. Only 10% of respondents indicated love as the reason for registering a relationship. Other reasons are less romantic:

1. Because that's what the woman wants. After all, a man associates marriage with obligation, so he is in no hurry to get there. Although it has been proven that married men live much longer than single men.
2. You need to make a career. Married men have successful careers because there is an opinion that they are more responsible and serious than bachelors. Especially if the wife has influential relatives.
3. Partner's pregnancy. Most men decide to offer their beloved their hand and heart if she is expecting a child. However, not everyone does this.
4. Fear of loneliness. It's nice to know that a loving woman and a warm dinner are waiting at home.
5. For prestige. Often these guys choose beauties that they are not ashamed to show to the public. These are the types of women successful men marry. They usually buy their spouses furs and diamonds and allow them to spend money on grooming.
6. Fear of old age. That is, so that there is someone to give a glass of water. Older men often do this.
7. When a woman is wealthy and can provide for her husband herself. If you are a successful career woman, then you probably won’t be left without a husband. But gigolos are unlikely to attract you.

Modern approach

Modern life provides many opportunities to better study the lifestyle and hidden motivation of a girl about whom serious steps are expected. How to choose a wife, focusing on publicly available methods of dating and communication? We are talking, of course, about the Internet, but in the context where the girl is known to the young man in real life, but there is no opportunity to find out more about her.

There is no need, annoying with excessive importunity, to visit her page every day or “get in your face” with offers of friendship. It is enough to visit the treasured profile once and draw all the necessary conclusions:

• Photos. It is unlikely that, when thinking about the topic of which women are chosen as wives, one can imagine photographs of the “fifth point” or other candid moments open to public attention. Draw conclusions.
• Notes. They can tell you a lot, but you can’t judge only by the “top” of the 2-3 articles the girl liked. Maybe she was in a bad mood and the notes reflected that, but that's not always the case. Study the tape by rewinding at least 10-15 entries.

It is impossible to draw conclusions about a person’s personality based only on his “media” face, but this can greatly facilitate the task of finding common points of contact.

How our ancestors chose their wives

In Rus', the main person determining a girl’s suitability for marriage was the matchmaker. On the other hand, there was a demand from her if the girl she indicated later turned out to be of an obstinate character, of a free disposition, or, worst of all, incapable of having children. In the arsenal of an experienced matchmaker there were all sorts of methods for obtaining the necessary information, but, to the credit of our ancestors, it is said that the girl’s discrepancy with the initial opinion about her was almost never the reason for the breakdown of relations. Marriage was created for life, so the question of how to choose a wife was approached seriously, with the involvement of all relatives and even strangers.

The external characteristics of a girl of marriageable age were of great importance, but the indicators of the old era have nothing to do with modern concepts of beauty. What was required of a young wife first of all? Continuation of the family. That is why strong hips, strong legs, a large wide back - the main criteria for full pregnancy and healthy childbirth - were valued in applicants worth their weight in gold.

Thin girls, all of them, were called “sick,” and “bringing a sick person into the house” meant marrying such a useless little white girl. With the introduction of a young wife into the groom's family, all the hardest housework was transferred to her - carrying half-pounds of cast iron, fetching water, washing, cleaning, sewing. Only a girl “in the juice” was able to handle the whole load of household chores, but what was the demand for the “unlucky” one? So the whole family toiled around the unlucky guy and his wife.

The second very important aspect was spiritual beauty, in other words, “pigeon purity”, virginity. True, in even deeper times, the submissiveness of the future wife played a much more important role than the absence of sexual partners in the past, and a young single woman with a child found herself a husband without any hindrance. But from the beginning of the 18th century, in the heyday of serfdom, the purity of the future family and the untainted past of a woman outweighed the reasoning of past years and the methodology for choosing a wife changed dramatically. They began to look for girls in their early youth - from the age of 16-17, and those who stayed in girls until the age of 25 had every chance of remaining unclaimed and ending up in some distant monastery.

How to choose a good wife

Having decided to find a girl who will become your wife in the future, it is important to understand that ideal people do not exist. But you should have a list of those qualities and advantages of women that will help you navigate your choice. If you are in doubt about how to choose a wife for a happy and long marriage, you need to consult with the older generation, for example, your parents or close friends. In a state of love, some aspects of your relationship with a girl will be completely invisible to you, and a realistic look from the outside will help to clarify the situation more accurately.

Ideal parameters

If we build the top characteristic criteria that a man always keeps in mind when thinking about his future wife, then the ideal wife should be:

• beautiful and well-groomed;
• smart, but not smarter than her husband;
• flexible, but with character (personality);
• balanced;
• economic.

It was not for nothing that the last item ended up at the bottom of the list, since men remember it, as a rule, realizing some practical side of the issue after they have listed what really worries them. The exception is “mature husbands” who have already been married before - for them this aspect may even be on the second or third level of the top, but, of course, not before the external characteristics of the chosen one.

What are you willing to forgive your future wife?

The search for what criteria to choose a wife by can be systematized by making a list of the desired qualities of a future wife. From this list you need to select 3-5 most important points and then focus on them when choosing.

More important than the advantages themselves are the disadvantages that a couple must have that are compatible. Of course, everyone dreams of finding a partner who consists of nothing but merits, however, it is hardly possible to find such a miracle in the world. Yet man is so constructed that some shortcomings disgust him much more than others:

• some men forgive women's talkativeness;
• others are forgiving of inconsistency;
• still others are quite satisfied with the modest intelligence of their lifelong friend;
• There are even stoics who bravely endure their wife’s bad cooking;
• There are also those who are sympathetic to a wife’s refusal to give birth to children.

But other shortcomings cause sharp rejection and can threaten a break in the relationship, or a situation may arise when a man takes a mistress.

What to look for when choosing a wife?

And although practical advice on how to choose a wife is based on numerous studies and the experience of thousands of couples, each situation is individual.

Readiness for marriage

This, in particular, means responsibility and willingness to compromise. Some even as girls dream of marriage (preferably to a prince), but this does not make them ready for marriage. A more reliable sign of this is, for example, a girl’s readiness to give up some of her habits for the sake of family life.

Maturity

Often, the older a man is, the younger his wife he dreams of, wondering what age to choose a wife. But if the girl’s personality has not yet been formed before marriage, then after a few years it may turn out that the spouses have little in common. On the other hand, the absence of a mature personality is not yet a guarantee that it is possible to raise a young wife “to suit oneself”; often such attempts turn into failure.

Ideas about family life

If a girl believes that family life is a permanent holiday, and her task will be reduced to decorating with her presence the life of a man who must entertain, support, and shower his wife with flowers and jewelry, then few men will like such a life partner. The destiny of such girls is to be mistresses who are indeed showered with flowers and gifts, but with one amendment - irregularly.

Preparedness for everyday problems

Many family boats have crashed on the rocks of everyday problems. If a beautiful wife is not able to make a sandwich, that’s not so bad, she can learn at least the basics of culinary art. But if she categorically does not want to deal with everyday issues, then there are three options left:

• hire a housekeeper;
• take charge of everyday life;
• find another wife (which is best).

Views on money

Excessive stinginess and excessive extravagance are equally unpleasant. The husband determines the golden mean here based on family income, his attitude towards money and life experience.

Children

In the vast majority of cases, when starting a family, people expect to continue their lineage. And if a girl cannot get pregnant, is she ready for treatment or adoption of someone else’s child? Does she fundamentally not want to have children or, on the contrary, does she dream of a large family that her husband will then carry on his shoulders for years? Such nuances should be discussed in advance. If a woman comes with her children, it is important to establish a relationship with them in advance.

Parents

Psychologists have long noticed that children usually repeat the fate of their own parents, striving to live according to the principles laid down by them. When thinking about which wife to choose, it is useful to look at the mother-in-law - after all, if the latter is taken from jokes, then her daughter can eventually turn into a “vixen”. If the father in the family has the role of henpecked, then perhaps this place is being prepared for the young spouse. Of course, parents are not a death sentence, because often the daughter’s apple falls quite far from the mother’s apple tree. But you need to be on your guard.

Life experience

If your potential spouse has had a difficult experience:

• father is an alcoholic;
• first love was a drug addict;
• the previous husband spent money in a casino,

then it may turn out that this poor woman has learned to build relationships only with such examples of men. Sometimes this can be corrected, but for this it is necessary that she herself wants it, and not indiscriminately and habitually call all men “goats”.

Relationship with mom

Mothers often have great influence over their daughters. Sometimes this is good, but more often it harms the couple's relationship. It’s better if the girl has already fluttered out of the nest and doesn’t constantly look back at her mother.

The undeniable virtues of any wife

• Kindness is the ability and desire to bring joy to others, instead of anger and indifference towards them.
• A sense of responsibility is the willingness to be held accountable for one’s actions.
• Modesty adorns any woman, not just his wife. Moreover, it testifies to intelligence, self-sufficiency, and is a sign of a mature personality.
• The desire to enjoy life. Often husbands, burdened with the burden of maintaining a family, become serious and even harsh. A good wife should soften the severity of her husband, and then he is unlikely to think about who to choose - a wife or a mistress, since he simply will not need the latter.

Sexual relations

Even if a woman is worthy in all respects, but is not loved and does not arouse sexual attraction, then she is unlikely to be suitable as a wife. But one should not confuse the state of falling in love with a guarantee of a successful family life. After all, there are so many other things in a family besides bed. A wife is far from being a mistress; in the course of life, you have to think about and take care of many other things.

What should a wife be like?

I somehow caught my eye when a comedian was performing on TV. The guy talked about his long and painful choice of car, and at the end he summarized: “So I bought it, drove it for six months and only then realized what kind of car I needed. The same thing happened with my wife.”

Of course, we can’t foresee everything in advance, but it still doesn’t hurt to make a list of criteria. You have to rely on something.

Let's look at the basic principles for choosing a life partner.

The goose is not a friend to the pig

This point is about choosing partners that suit you. The closer you are to your chosen one in terms of social status, level of education, and material wealth, the greater the chances of a strong and long marriage. It is very difficult to compensate for the gap in resources. So don’t look for a model-looking doctor of science with a two-story penthouse in the city center. You'll only waste time.

Decembrist's wife

Every man dreams of a woman who will go through fire, water, and copper pipes with him. Just how to recognize it is a mystery. I’ll tell you a secret - any of your girlfriends could be like this. Or there may be none. It all depends only on the degree of her love for you. Never marry a lady who is cold towards you and is there only because there are no more worthy candidates. After the wedding, the situation, as a rule, only gets worse.

Value yourself, you deserve the most sincere and pure love.

My light, mirror, tell me

Female beauty is a mysterious, inexplicable and incredibly attractive phenomenon. For how many centuries in a row, great and talented minds have been struggling to create a universal formula, but everything is in vain. Everyone has their own idea of ​​beauty.

There is no need to rely on any standards and jump around a girl with a ruler. You can even fall in love with a dimple on your cheek, an earlobe, or any small and insignificant detail. Don’t treat girls as physical objects; try to see the soul behind every feature. You won't like it if you are judged primarily by the size of your wallet.

Height: short or tall?

The question of ideal growth is largely decided by purely individual preferences. But there are also several opinions on this matter:

1. If you prefer a girl of standard height, you will never be able to experience unusual sensations in communication, intimate life, the spiritual sphere, everyday life, and so on. As practice shows, women of very small or large stature have exceptional character traits, instilled by the amazement of those around them at the features of the meter mark on the wall.
2. Since choosing a wife is not easy, giving preference to the option of “average or short height” is prudent and correct. In any situation, you can look down on your companion and not deprive her of the opportunity to wear her favorite heels. But, again, your decision depends on your own preferences and characteristics of your own growth.

Principles of finding the ideal woman

There are “advisers” who claim that you should marry any attractive girl, and then you can re-educate her to suit your character.

But this practically never happens in life. As a result, you get a spouse with a bunch of shortcomings that you cannot overcome.

Other “well-wishers” advise not to get married at all. But this is also wrong.

Important! Man is a social creature, and only a few live comfortably alone. And if you meet a woman who is perfect for you, then you can spend the rest of your life happily, surrounded by a loving, caring and understanding family.

Therefore, do not listen to others, but start looking for your soul mate.

Places where good girls live

This is where you can make acquaintances that may develop into a serious relationship.

1. Internet – dating sites will help you with this. This option is good for shy people or for those who do not want to waste their time on empty courtship and searches. Statistics say that 30% of modern marriages took place through online dating. In this case, it is better to choose thematic sites for communication.
2. Take a closer look at your female employees at work - this is where you spend most of your time and there are many examples of office romances that developed into marriage.
3. In the company of friends - your friends probably have acquaintances, girlfriends, sisters, etc. The advantage of such acquaintances is that you will know in advance the entire biography of the applicant.
4. Against the background of common interests - if you attend any classes, courses or training, then acquaintance based on mutual interests can develop into something more.

Attention! These are just some of the places where you can meet a normal girl. Parties, weddings, tourist trips, etc. can also be a great place to meet people.

How to find a common language?

If the object of your passion has been found, then you need to establish a relationship with him.

The following tips are useful for this:

1. Know how to carry on a conversation, develop your intellectual abilities. You must become an interesting person to talk to. Find out in advance about the interests of your chosen one.
2. If you are silent by nature, then practice your diction at home alone.
3. Try to communicate more with the female sex, and then it will be easier for you to start a conversation with the one and only one.
4. Always be prepared for the meeting. So keep your body clean, dress well, make a good impression.

Don't be afraid to be affectionate

When you first meet a girl, you are ready to talk to her for hours. And when she becomes your wife, it turns out that you are more interested in going to your friends.

But wives really look forward to their husband's attention. They complain to me in confession: “When he comes home, he’s silent, doesn’t say a word.”

Before entering the house, stand on the landing and read the “Our Father” three times.

No matter what happens during the day at work, you should come home joyful and hug your wife.

You can give her a bouquet of flowers, chocolate or whatever she likes.

Gifts should be given to your wife not only on her birthday, but more often, in order to somehow support her. Because it will be very difficult for her at home with children.

You are at work, you have friends and acquaintances there, maybe you didn’t work, but sat on the Internet all day. You have an interesting life there, but with your wife everything is the same every day - children, cleaning, kitchen.

This is not so easy for a modern woman.

Therefore, at home you must support your wife, help wash the dishes, clean up. Don’t say that “this is a woman’s business, my business is to work, your business is to take care of the house.” It is not right. The traditional distribution of gender roles is no longer working.

Don't be afraid to be different - don't be afraid to be affectionate, gentle, caring and help your wife. When you come home, do not demand services from your wife. Be sure to talk to her.

You talked enough at work, and she had no one to talk to at home. And don’t blame her for talking a lot on the phone: women have a greater need to talk than you and I.

I should note that it also happens differently. One woman complained to me that her husband, when he came home, pestered her with conversations and questions, but she wanted to rest. Therefore, my advice to talk more and communicate with your wife is not absolute. You need to understand how you can please her - conversation or silence, and choose what she needs now.

Photo from lovelyhdwallpaper.com

Myths about male choice

Many psychologists openly say that modern young ladies are completely illiterate in the science of charming the stronger sex. They are not able to understand how men choose a woman for themselves, and for the sake of the attention of a nice guy they begin to transform their appearance, invent various false stories and exaggerate their own merits. They are driven to such behavior by the most common myths about the qualities that a girl must have in order to be taken as a wife.

Guys only pay attention to appearance

When thinking about which girl to choose as a wife, gentlemen of our time will certainly appreciate her appearance. However, huge lips, drawn-on eyebrows and an “outstanding” size 5 bust are not the main thing. Guys, oddly enough, love naturalness. Glamorous beauties with huge extended nails and wide-open eyes with Hollywood eyelashes are just a sex object for them, nothing more. Only a few people decide to marry such a lady.

Men love stupid people

Pretending to be a fool and being one are two different things. Not everyone wants to spend their life with a girl who is only interested in shopping, stupid TV shows and manicures. Guys value more erudite and comprehensively developed young ladies who do not boast of knowledge, but maintain a conversation on various topics.

A wife should not be older than her husband

The age difference with the chosen one never bothered the guys. On the contrary, some individuals prefer to deal with older, experienced and less reckless women than young beauties.

Age limits

In order to determine the most popular age range for representatives of the fair sex, often chosen as wives, it is necessary to turn to a survey of gerontologists and psychologists. The best age for a beautiful wife is considered to be between twenty-three and twenty-seven years old.

If she is a little younger than the established limits, then it is considered that the fair sex does not have sufficient property, social status, or useful character traits. If her age is significantly less than the established criterion, therefore, the young person needs to know by heart all the articles of the Criminal Code relating to the corruption of persons under 16 years of age. Therefore, you should keep in mind that eighth-graders with huge and beautiful eyes do not fit into the category of “ideal and young wife.” Whether it is good or bad to adhere to this point of view is up to you to decide, but life experience shows that maturity of character comes only with years and experience.

How to behave with a girl?

Finally, let us remind you of a few ironclad rules that you need to follow when communicating with a girl in order to build a strong relationship with her.

Do not forget to be sincerely interested in her life, constantly get to know her even better in order to understand and accept her for who she is.

Try to always be open, sincere and honest. A good relationship is achieved when both partners can trust each other and share their most intimate experiences. In a word, be yourself, no matter how banal it may sound.

Make an effort to make her feel comfortable with you. Listen to her comments, requests and desires. We also advise you to become more responsible for the feelings of the other person whom you have chosen as your life partner.

Don't shy away from childbearing

A marriage should have as many children as God gives. You need to discuss this topic with your wife before marriage so that she is ready for it. Find out in advance if she agrees. Living otherwise is a sin.

Having children is salvation for a woman. She may lose outer beauty, but she gains inner beauty - the beauty of the soul. Mothers of many children are very wise women, very good, reliable, wonderful, amazing people.

When carrying a child, a woman does hard work. This needs to be remembered. During pregnancy, a woman becomes irritable, nervous, and easily loses her temper. You need to be especially careful, affectionate, gentle with her. Especially be patient with her during this period.

But when the wife gives birth to a child, she will blossom so much - you simply cannot be overjoyed. There are such wonderful women after childbirth - amazingly beautiful, amazingly complacent, amazingly joyful. And the child himself also brings joy to the family. Each new child is a completely new person, unlike anyone else, special.

V. Kurchinsky, “Young Family”. Image from artnow.ru

Adviсe

Psychologists, answering the question of where to find a wife, advise not to specifically invent any new places.

Firstly, many people find a spouse at work by taking a closer look at their colleagues - they are the people you communicate with most often. It is advisable that these are not bosses or subordinates. And don’t forget: open flirting in the workplace is unacceptable. Perhaps you often meet her in the elevator of a business center or she is an employee of a related department. Invite her for a cup of coffee and talk. This is not obligatory, but will allow you to continue communication after work.

Besides:

1. Tell all your friends that you are looking for a life partner. Do not doubt, they and their girls will be happy to help you: invite you “for company” to parties, walks, get-togethers, events. Many couples met through friends.
2. Remember your old acquaintances - classmates, fellow students: suddenly the object of your childhood crush is also in search of a life partner.
3. Look for your wife at your friends' weddings. Surely, among the bridesmaids there will be unmarried girls, and the atmosphere of the birth of a new family is the best suited for getting to know each other.
4. Don't discount online dating either. According to statistics, approximately a third of marriages were born as a result of virtual communication. This is a great option for modest, reserved people. People register on dating sites for a clearly defined purpose, so there is no awkwardness during communication. But you need to be prepared for the fact that nothing will work out on the first or even the tenth attempt - most likely, you will have to look for a suitable girl for a long time.

You study in advance the profile of the girl you like, where she indicated information about herself. You should be primarily interested in marital status and the purpose of dating. You shouldn’t delay meeting in real life: if you correspond for a long time, the fear of leaving the virtual space will increase. In addition, the longer you communicate on the Internet, the more you will think up the image of your chosen one. And fantasies can differ greatly from reality, and then disappointment at the meeting cannot be avoided.

Bottom line

How to get married successfully? Readers may not like the answer to this question: no way! It is impossible to know in advance that family life with a particular girl will be happy and harmonious. Often guys are disappointed in their choice. Sometimes this leads to divorce.

Divorce proceedings are often observed between spouses who got married because they were young. Psychologists advise not to get married before the age of 25 or even 30. By this time, people change their views and desires several more times. Even after reaching this age, we can talk about some stability in relationships and understanding, wisdom on the part of the girls.

In the meantime, while you are young, study your favorite girl. Just meet, communicate, find yourself in different situations. You are still at the stage where you need to become like professionals. Learn and develop your career activities. And if you and your girlfriend have already gone through a lot and only strengthened your feelings, then you can take her as your wife.

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