Many articles have been written about the problem of female loneliness, but sometimes the opposite situation occurs when a young lady in her life simultaneously has two candidates for her hand and heart. And since both are worthy candidates, she cannot determine which of them suits her better, making a choice is always not easy, but sooner or later, if a woman is focused on starting a family, she will have to make her choice.
If you are completely confused and cannot understand your feelings, our article will help you decide on a relationship and choose a man from two.
How to choose between two men: why does this situation arise?
- Many people believe that only a promiscuous woman can have a relationship with two men Indeed, there are some ladies who deliberately get themselves two gentlemen. They explain this by the fact that individually, none of them can fully satisfy all needs.
- In such cases, as a rule, one man helps the woman financially, and with the second she finds harmony mentally or sexually.
Choice of two
But sometimes a situation in which a woman is forced to choose from two men can be caused by other circumstances:
- The girl has been dating a man for a long time. She loves him, and the relationship with him suits her. However, for some reason, he is in no hurry to propose to her. And suddenly the girl meets another young man who is ready to marry her even tomorrow. And although her feelings for her long-time partner are quite strong, she is overcome by doubts, what if he never proposes marriage to her. And the years go by. So the young lady is tormented by the fact that she cannot determine what to do and which of the guys she should choose.
- The woman broke up with her boyfriend and began dating someone else. However, after some time, the former partner appears in her life and offers to renew the relationship, assuring that he understood and realized everything. In this case, a woman may be confused about who she should stay with now. Past relationships may seem very tempting because the former partners have gotten to know each other quite closely. In addition, people often tend to idealize a past relationship, because over time the negative is forgotten, and only pleasant moments are remembered.
- While new relationships are always associated with some tension. After all, you don’t know how to behave with a new person; you need to learn and get used to his character and way of life. According to psychologists, if a woman has doubts about returning to her ex-partner, it means that she still has feelings for him and has not let go of her past relationship.
- There is no need to justify the situation by saying that the man does not want to leave his ex-partner behind. In fact, the decision rests with the woman. And if she firmly says “no,” then the man will not insist. Perhaps she is simply not ready to create a new relationship, and therefore the old ones seem attractive to her.
- A woman met two men at about the same time (for example, on a dating site). Both seem to her to be very worthy candidates, so she doesn’t know who to choose. Perhaps it is difficult for a woman to do this because she does not fully understand what qualities of a man are important to her, and what she generally wants from a relationship.
Met at the same time
- A second man appears in a woman’s life at a time when she is going through a crisis in her relationship. Basically, this situation happens among married ladies. A lover brings romance and a feeling of lightness into a lady’s life, when there are no offenses, mutual claims or misunderstandings. Unusual relationships completely fill a woman’s life, and she begins to idealize the new man, and even compare her with her husband. Such a “tango of three” can last for years, tormenting and exhausting all participants in such a “triangle.”
There is an opinion that if a woman has doubts about which man to choose from two, it means that she is completely unsure of either of them.
- Although it may be quite probable that both candidates are very worthy people and that is why the selection process seems so difficult for the girl.
Get some help from your friends
Find out what your friends think. And this is especially true for close friends who are ready to be extremely honest with you and attentive enough to weigh every word. Ask them honestly what they think of each man.
See how a man's relationship with your circle of friends is when you hang out with friends.
- If he fights with your friends, is hostile, or is indifferent, this is a bad sign.
- If he's having fun, being friendly, and hanging out with your friends, that's a clear positive sign.
You have to live your own life and make your own decisions regarding your love life, but how he acts around your friends and what they think of him is important too.
How to choose between two men?
- In order to understand which man to continue the relationship with and who to break up with, you need to ask yourself not about who you like best, but about who suits you best.
- Indeed, in addition to mutual attraction, it is necessary to take into account other factors that are important for building long-term, strong relationships.
- It is wise to choose a partner who will share your views and lifestyle.
Look at the advantages and disadvantages of each
If a woman chooses between two men, the following recommendations will help to understand this issue:
- Write on a piece of paper what you want your relationship with a man to be like. Describe your wishes as specifically and in detail as possible. You can characterize them like this: sex, stability, romance, security, fun. Which of the following factors come first for you? A detailed analysis will help you understand yourself and realize what you want from life in general and from a partner in particular.
- Make a list of masculine qualities that you consider mandatory for building successful harmonious relationships. Also determine what you absolutely do not want to see in your life partner.
- On separate sheets of paper, write down the character traits that both of your men have. When evaluating them, be as objective and impartial as possible. Describe the moral qualities of the gentlemen, the level of their education.
Write a list
- Try to recognize the main values and life priorities of men : what each of them strives for, how ambitious they are, and whether they are able to grow and develop. If possible, find out about your candidates' family background. What kind of relationship is there between father and mother? With a high probability, your future marriage will be built in the likeness of your spouse’s family.
- Compare the lists of character traits of both gentlemen with your list of required qualities of an “ideal” man. Place a plus next to the items where you find similarities. And then count the number of pluses in each of the lists.
What turns you off about them?
Once you have drawn a line under the list of attractive qualities of each of these two men, list what turns you off about them.
Be completely honest here. Again, the list is just for you.
Again, don't be afraid to seem petty. Is one of these men laughing like a donkey? Does your partner constantly have bad breath? All these are important points.
Move on to more global issues:
- Does one of them hold views that you find ridiculous or offensive?
- Does another have a disdainful attitude toward religion that strongly contradicts your own faith?
Write it down. All this is important.
How to choose between two men: psychology
When making a choice between two men, psychologists recommend being guided by the following criteria:
- Determine how you feel about each of your dates. Write down all the feelings they make you feel. Listen to yourself and realize how you feel around them. What specific emotions do you experience in the presence of your men: joy and self-confidence or, conversely, embarrassed and awkward.
- Using adjectives, describe your relationship with each of them. Assess the psychological maturity of men, the possibility of their personal development, and your compatibility with them. Which of them finds a common language easier with your relatives and friends? Think about what you like most about your fans. Also consider how much each one turns you on. After all, physical attraction is an important aspect of a harmonious relationship.
- Think about which of the two men helps you become better and pushes you to further development . Who do you want to be the best version of yourself for? Which of the two gentlemen makes your life more interesting and brighter? Ask yourself the question: “Am I ready to live with this person all my life?”
- Identify the negative aspects of each applicant . Write down all the qualities that do not suit you in them. Pay attention to whether there are serious flaws in men. After all, character is formed over years, and it is almost impossible to change it. Namely, it is the foundation of personality.
- Don't think that over time you will be able to get used to what irritates you now . Also list any bad habits the candidates have. Keep in mind that bad habits control the life of a person and his loved ones. Think about which ones you can close your eyes to and accept. Identify those that are unacceptable to you and that you cannot tolerate in your partner.
- Pay attention to the social circle of each gentleman. After all, it is known that every person is somewhat similar to his friends. And if you don’t like the environment of one of the men, this is a serious reason to think about it. You shouldn’t console yourself with the fact that he’s not like his friends.
- Do the candidates have a difficult past behind them? Think about how it could affect your life together in the future. This point is very important. A man may have wonderful qualities, but problems that follow him from a past life can negatively affect your relationship, taking away a lot of your strength and nerves.
What kind of background do your partners have?
- Observe how each man treats you, what they do for you, how much they value the time spent with you, where you rank on their list of priorities. Don't think that over the years, any of the men can change. This happens extremely rarely. Therefore, evaluate your partners based on who they are now, and not on what they are expected to become in the future. Ask yourself how your life would change if either of your two boyfriends disappeared.
- Determine how much your views, life guidelines, goals and desires coincide. Find out which man's values are closer to you. It is much easier to build a harmonious relationship with a person who shares your worldview. And if you absolutely do not coincide in your preferences with one of the candidates, it is better to break up with him, even if strong feelings are raging between you.
- The eternal confrontation of interests will ultimately lead to misunderstanding and conflicts. And the constant search for compromises will eventually tire both of them. But common values help reduce the tension that appears in relationships from time to time, and also prevent quarrels if the spouses’ opinions on some issues do not coincide.
- Before making a decision that could be life-changing for you, carefully study all the information. A thorough analysis will help you direct your interest to one young man. However, in the process of choosing between two men, you should not give up your own intuition. In matters of the heart, trusting her seems very prudent.
Rely on your intuition
- Also consider your previous experience. In other words, don't repeat your previous mistakes. If you have had unsuccessful relationships in the past, remember the reasons that led to their unhappy ending. Take a closer look at your current gentlemen. Does any of them have those qualities that did not suit you in your former partner?
- We advise you not to delay your choice for too long. When you make a decision in favor of one of the men, and he later finds out that you were simultaneously dating another, his reaction can be very negative. Most representatives of the stronger sex regard such behavior of a woman as treason and betrayal.
- Well, if after a thorough analysis you still could not make a choice, since both candidates turned out to be good, then choose the one who appeared in your life last. After all, if the first man suited you completely, then the second would have no chance of attracting your attention.
Are your core values aligned?
No matter how different your surface opinions may be, your core values run much deeper and they need to be at least somewhat consistent.
- Are you a convinced vegetarian, and one of the men eats meat three times a day? It sounds trivial, but over time this can become a problem.
- Do you have strong political views that one of the men strongly opposes?
- What about your religious beliefs?
Keep in mind that you don't have to be "the same" in anything.
But if you find that some of the core values or lifestyle of one of these men really upsets or conflicts with your core values and priorities, then no matter how much you are physically and emotionally attracted to him, he is not your man.
How to choose between two men: test
If you are thinking about how to choose between two men, we advise you to take this test:
- Does your partner have bad habits?
- Does your partner have a habit of using foul language?
- Is there a purpose in a man's life?
- Does a man flirt with other girls?
- Can your partner cheat on you?
- Do you feel secure with your partner?
- Does he listen to his parents' advice?
- How often do you hear tender words from a man?
- Do you like your man's appearance?
- Does your partner have a good sense of humor?
- Does a man love children and animals?
- Does a man spare money for you?
- Is he versatile?
- Does he hug you?
- Can a man refuse help?
- Does he spend his free time with you?
- Do you feel positive emotions from your partner's hugs?
- Is your partner jealous?
- Does your partner control your actions?
- Does your partner stimulate your development?
Answer yes or no for each partner? Now you should pay more attention to the man who received more pluses - that is, more yeses.
What attracts you to these men?
Take a notepad and pen and write down the qualities that attract you in every man.
Don't be afraid to be superficial, looks and attractiveness matter. Just like your shared interest in existential philosophy or watching your favorite TV series together.
Write it all down and be honest. This list should not be seen by anyone but you.
What really turns you on? What is it about your relationship that sticks out to you and attracts you? Write down everything, everything, everything, and then draw a line under it.
How to choose one of two men: tips
- In the event that you have not made any promises to any of the men, and there is no feeling that you are cheating on any of them, you should not rush to make a decision . Take a break and watch both gentlemen, listening to your own feelings.
- Sometimes time works for us and puts everything in its place much more effectively than we do ourselves. Perhaps one of the candidates will make your choice easier with their actions (good or bad), and everything will be resolved by itself.
- In addition, when a woman cannot definitively choose between two men, then there is a high probability that she does not have strong feelings for either of them. So, maybe we shouldn’t rush to decide something? It is likely that you simply have not met your soul mate yet.
- Well, if you are very tormented by the need to choose one man from two, and one of them is also rushing you through this process, then there is no need to rush. Maybe you need to leave them both and find someone completely different. And the new man will satisfy your needs completely, and the relationship with him will be more harmonious.
Choose one
- Once you have made your final decision, do not deviate from it. Be prepared to date only one man.
- If you feel guilty about turning down another guy, calm down and don't beat yourself up. Accept the fact that someone is going to get hurt anyway. You will not be able to please everyone, and you will have to offend someone.
- When there is a question about your own future, you need to be brave and refuse one of the applicants. Don't forget that you only have one life. And you have every right to live it how you want and with whom you want.
- When deciding which of the two candidates to stay with, consider the following circumstance. There is no complete guarantee that you will make the right choice, and that the man with whom you decide to remain in a relationship will make you happy. It is basically impossible to calculate in advance which of the two options will be most favorable for you. But you don't have to be afraid to make mistakes. The main thing is to draw conclusions from the mistakes you have made and not repeat them in the future.
- Of course, there is another way to solve the problem, the simplest one. You can just leave everything as it is and continue dating both men.
- However, it is much more correct to show courage and make a decision. Believe me, it is better to get some result than to continue painful thoughts about which of the two men to choose.
- Full relationships that presuppose mutual respect and trust between partners exclude the presence of a third party.
Useful articles about relationships on our website:
- Should I give a second chance to a man, a husband after cheating, a friend?
- 17 reasons to leave a man, even if he swears love
- Why does my husband always manipulate the divorce?
- Conspiracy to divorce your husband - when and how to do it
- How to survive a difficult divorce as a woman
Do you need to make a choice?
It seems that life is wonderful: with one you feel like behind a stone wall, the other carries you in your arms and calls you a goddess. But it won't always be like this.
Chasing two birds with one stone is a thankless task, you can lose both! In such a triangle, a woman is convinced of her sinlessness. Yes, I fell in love with both, but you can’t order your heart! I am with them out of love, and not just satisfying base instincts.
Let’s switch places for a second: do you want to be an “alternate airfield” for your husband?
He loves both you and his neighbor Vera, should he break up? Are you ready to share your beloved with your rival? Fight to win a place in his heart? Or, nevertheless, set a classic ultimatum: “Either me or her.”
But men also have feelings. Everyone wants to be the only one, loved, the center of the Universe. Your infidelity not only hurts, but also causes significant blows to his ego.
Love is not walks under the moon or notes with hearts, it is the strongest spiritual connection.
If you truly love, you are afraid to hurt a person, because his pain ricochets through your heart. The pangs of choice indicate affection, sympathy, habit, but not love.
If none of the men embody the qualities you need, you should let them go and continue your search.
The world is big, and among four billion men there will definitely be your soul mate!
Why does a woman find herself in a situation where she has to choose?
Most often, such moments arise when, against the backdrop of old, boring relationships, new, passionate or romantic ones begin. It is natural when after a long period they do not dare to start a family. As a rule, after registering a marriage, a couple first spends all their energy on arranging a family nest, then on children. A married couple has no time to look at others, looking for variety.
There are exceptions to the rules. An unhappy marriage, the husband considers his wife’s efforts to be the norm, or it seems that you no longer love the person. At some point another one will appear. Who will love and protect.
Maybe it seemed?2
When happiness is at stake and you have to make a choice between two people, then one of the most popular phrases heard from guys are words about love, sympathy, the inability to choose, because both are good.
Each of the girls at this moment is of no value to the young man. No matter how strange it may sound! Psychology has long proven that strong emotions and attachment to a person can be directed only at one object. There can be sexual desire for everyone you meet, and this is quite explainable by sexual constitution or age. Love arises unconsciously. At this moment, there is no doubt that this particular person can emotionally give all the necessary emotions and make you happy for many years. The prospect of choice in such a situation is determined only by benefit and calculation. In such a situation, there are guys who do not need one or the other girl. They are just temporary fun, and for them he is a way to show who is more important.
Whom do you love?
You can sit and think and analyze for days until the end of time. But at the end of the day, your choice should be based on what you feel deep down.
This inner voice will lead you to the man you truly love.
Sit and concentrate, watch your breathing. If one of the men walked through the door right now, how would you feel the first second you saw and hugged him? What if it was the second one?
Be completely, completely, heartbreakingly honest about this. And you will get the answer.
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