Is it possible to love two men at the same time? Test for love or infatuation

October 10, 2018
Psychology of relationships
Marina Pislegina

Is it possible to love two men at the same time? This question is asked by women who find themselves in a difficult life situation when they have a relationship with their husband and with another partner on the side. The answer here will be ambiguous. A woman must first decide on her feelings for both men. It is possible that she truly loves one, and is simply in love or attached to the other. You will learn more detailed information on this topic from the article.

A short introduction

It often happens in life that a woman, being in a relationship with one man, suddenly meets another and realizes that she has fallen in love with him. But why does this happen? Is it possible to love two men at the same time or not?

Answering this question, we must immediately say that a lady’s feelings for both partners cannot be the same. One way or another, a woman experiences different emotions for different men. With one she may have an already established life, children, serfs, worries, and with the other - euphoria from sudden feelings and violent sex.

Nevertheless, sooner or later a woman will have to make a choice between two men. After all, she still won’t be able to love two people at the same time and be happy with both of them.

How to choose one of two men: tips

In the event that you have not made any promises to any of the men, and there is no feeling that you are cheating on any of them, you should not rush to make a decision . Take a break and watch both gentlemen, listening to your own feelings.
Sometimes time works for us and puts everything in its place much more effectively than we do ourselves. Perhaps one of the candidates will make your choice easier with their actions (good or bad), and everything will be resolved by itself.
In addition, when a woman cannot definitively choose between two men, then there is a high probability that she does not have strong feelings for either of them. So, maybe we shouldn’t rush to decide something? It is likely that you simply have not met your soul mate yet.
Well, if you are very tormented by the need to choose one man from two, and one of them is also rushing you through this process, then there is no need to rush. Maybe you need to leave them both and find someone completely different. And the new man will satisfy your needs completely, and the relationship with him will be more harmonious.

Choose one

Once you have made your final decision, do not deviate from it. Be prepared to date only one man.
If you feel guilty about turning down another guy, calm down and don't beat yourself up. Accept the fact that someone is going to get hurt anyway. You will not be able to please everyone, and you will have to offend someone.
When there is a question about your own future, you need to be brave and refuse one of the applicants. Don't forget that you only have one life. And you have every right to live it how you want and with whom you want.
When deciding which of the two candidates to stay with, consider the following circumstance. There is no complete guarantee that you will make the right choice, and that the man with whom you decide to remain in a relationship will make you happy. It is basically impossible to calculate in advance which of the two options will be most favorable for you. But you don't have to be afraid to make mistakes. The main thing is to draw conclusions from the mistakes you have made and not repeat them in the future.
Of course, there is another way to solve the problem, the simplest one. You can just leave everything as it is and continue dating both men.
However, it is much more correct to show courage and make a decision. Believe me, it is better to get some result than to continue painful thoughts about which of the two men to choose.
Full relationships that presuppose mutual respect and trust between partners exclude the presence of a third party.

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Why is this happening

You shouldn’t judge women who have a double life and have an affair with two boyfriends. It is possible that it is simply difficult for a lady to make a choice between men, because she loves each in her own way. But why does this happen in a woman’s life? Most often, such situations happen either to young girls or to older ladies who have a husband, children and are tired of their usual life. Especially if both men are good in their own way.

A young girl may date two boyfriends because she likes two guys and doesn't know which one to choose. For a young age this is quite normal. After all, a person should not only be smart and beautiful, but also have other positive qualities. In this case, there is no need to talk about love, only about sympathy.

But things are completely different in the situation when a woman is already a little over forty. She has a husband with whom she has not had intimacy for a long time; she is tired of her usual way of life. And then she meets another man with whom she has amazing sex, he showers her with gifts and compliments her. Naturally, the lady thinks that love has come to her. But is this really so? Is it possible to love two men at the same time, knowing that you have to deceive one of them? All women are different, and each has their own feelings. Nevertheless, passion can hardly be called love. After all, a sudden feeling of euphoria for another man passes very quickly. And the woman remains with her husband. Although it happens differently.

Are these feelings really love? Main features

Before deciding how many people a person can love at once (with sincere love), you need to decide whether love really attracts the opposite sex. Perhaps it is a feeling of affection or it is simply a relationship to satisfy sexual needs.

The feeling of love is usually perceived as:

strong attachment;
willingness to do anything for the sake of a person, no matter what;
being nearby brings a feeling of deep satisfaction;
I want to protect my other half from all misfortunes and troubles;
the expressed feelings do not require anything other than a response of the same feelings;
I want to do everything to make a person happy;
respect is required;
sexual desire.

All feelings should not be taken for granted; they come from the heart and often in unison. People in love are distinguished by their romance. For the sake of a simple smile, you may even want to take a star out of the sky, and so on. And, of course, there is never a desire to change or cause any pain.

It is common to think that it is impossible to love two people at the same time. Since it will offend the feelings of the other half. Which is no longer acceptable to describe feelings of love. It usually happens that the old feelings for first love have cooled down, and what remains is just affection. Therefore, if a person meets a new love at this time, he will believe that he loves both, confusing the feeling of affection with love.

What relationship problems lead to

Is it possible to love two men at the same time? Married ladies who have another partner on their side usually turn to psychologists with this question. In fact, when problems arise in family relationships, a woman no longer feels tenderness, love and care from her husband; she wants to meet another partner who would give her those emotions that are so lacking.

Yes, it happens that a married woman, during a crisis in her relationship with her husband, seeks consolation on the side, but this does not mean at all that passion and violent sex can be compared with the feeling of true love. Although many women think so. Having left her husband for a lover who promised a lot but does nothing, married ladies regret their decision. Therefore, it’s still not worth talking about feelings of love for two men. Because a woman loves one of them, but with the other she simply experiences temporary attraction and a storm of emotions.

Can a man love two women at the same time?

If some men understand that their mistress is simply his emotional and energy donor for “zest, novelty and drive” against the backdrop of stable family relationships. Someone sincerely believes that he loves both women, rushes between them and sincerely cannot choose.

But let's be honest.

There is love, there is infatuation, there is attraction, passion (read: instinct), there is spiritual kinship, there is a community of interests, there is friendship, and habit, in the end.
And each of these feelings can easily be mistaken for that same love. After all, there is no clear unambiguous definition of it. This is not a theorem, much less an axiom; there is no clearly correct answer.

But nevertheless, if we think logically, there is still a difference at least between love and passion/infatuation.

Right or wrong

Many men believe that they can do anything - even have a second family, while wives need to stay at home and look after the home, create comfort and babysit the children. Modern ladies think completely differently. Many married girls have a husband and a lover and do not think that there is anything special about it. Moreover, for some representatives of the fair sex, intimacy with different men is a kind of entertainment. But is this right or wrong? The answer in this case will be negative.

Having a husband and a lover, a woman deceives each of them. Moreover, if a man who has appeared in her life quite recently hopes that she will only be with him and leave her permanent partner. After all, no one wants to share their lady with someone else.

Thus, a woman who gets another man betrays the man she married. Therefore, from the point of view of morality and morality, the girl is doing wrong.

Is it possible to have feelings for two different people at the same time? Psychology

Is it possible to love two people at once? There is no consensus on this topic. Psychologists don't have an exact answer. On the one hand, love is strong feelings where there is no place for betrayal. Having a mistress/lover greatly offends the feelings of your significant other. Having met his (real) love, a person usually does not require any more attention.

Often feelings of affection are mistaken for love at face value. And therefore, when meeting a new love, they make a choice in favor of the first. Although love there has long died out and is unlikely to flare up again.

If it turns out that double love has arisen, then it is advisable not to let everything go too far and not allow yourself to become completely confused in your feelings. Privacy and consideration of the situation from the outside is required. Make a decision about who is more valuable with a fresh and calm mind.

Having made your final choice, you should not back down. It's not always easy to end a relationship. At first there will be a feeling of guilt, but if the choice is made correctly, this will soon stop. You shouldn't take anyone's advice. The choice of with whom and how to live further must be made independently.

What to do

Anything can happen in the life of a family. But during a crisis, one of the partners often looks elsewhere, and a third party appears in the couple’s relationship. Most often, it is men who have mistresses. The latter justify themselves by the fact that they are polygamous by nature. But what happens to women when they have a serious crisis in their relationship with their husband?

Ladies begin to dream that everything will be as before (romance, kisses, wonderful intimacy). But sometimes it also happens that a woman meets someone else, with whom everything she dreamed about with her husband happens. What should a representative of the fair sex do in such a situation? Is it possible to love two men at once?

As psychologists say, women cannot experience the same emotions for both partners. For example, she has mature love with her husband (a good and stable relationship, but is tired of everyday life), and with her lover everything happens as it did with a regular partner in the distant past. But such love (immature love, passion) quickly passes, and nothing remains. Many women realize this and try to maintain a relationship with their husband, but break off ties with their secret partner, although this can be very difficult to do. The main thing is that a woman who finds herself in such a situation makes the right choice.

Biologically, humans are not monogamous

And the second problem is that society has adopted a monogamous model of relationships. It is glorified by poets and artists and enshrined at the legislative level. And, say, in Muslim countries, a man can easily marry several women at the same time. And somewhere else, a woman can also quite calmly love several partners at once and no one will condemn it. Biologically we are not monogamous. Or, in any case, they are situationally monogamous - until the start of the next relationship.

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Sometimes a so-called harem situation arises: there is one permanent and main partner, with whom the connection, for various reasons, is maintained at any cost. And at the same time, other connections of varying duration and intensity appear from time to time. By the way, not all of them are automatically perceived as treason. For example, when a married woman starts an affair or a fleeting affair with another woman, this is sometimes not perceived as cheating. Neither by herself nor by her male partner. But an affair with another man is unequivocal adultery.

Important step

What to do if you love two men at the same time? The answer to this answer will be simple. A woman needs to sort out her feelings, because loving two men at the same time still won’t work. Every person is good in their own way. One man will be handsome, rich, a good lover. But it may be devoid of internal content. Another man, on the contrary, is a good owner, caring, generous, responsible.

It is necessary for a woman to understand who she wants to see next to her. She will have to make a choice between two men, because having affairs with several partners will be difficult. Often love triangles are resolved in such a way that a woman meets her ideal man, who suits her in all respects, or is left alone. The latter is also possible.

Highlight the pros and cons and make the right decision

You can understand the love of two people at once in a simple way. You can write down all the pros and cons of both partners on a piece of paper. Then analyze the list. For example, what would happen if the wife/husband’s negative aspects were removed, then the old love would return. And if she has a mistress, is she worth it to destroy the family?

If, after reviewing the list, it turns out that your feelings for your spouse have simply faded a little (perhaps due to the mundane and routine day after day), then it is better to take the situation into your own hands and bring back your youth with dating and romance. Feelings may return with greater force. But if the test shows that there are no feelings other than affection, but new love is playing with colors, then it is better to try to create a new family, in which perhaps love will be preserved for many years and will not fade. Don't torture yourself and love two people at once. It is better to fully love one person.

How to identify feelings

In this case, you can take a test for love or infatuation. The most interesting thing is that many couples are very surprised to see the answers to the questions they asked. You can take a similar test at an appointment with a family psychologist. The main thing is that people understand in time what feelings they still have for each other.

A sample list of test questions is as follows:

Do you believe that you can fall in love with a person just at one glance?
Could you love a person if your friends treated him with contempt?
Would you and your partner go to a movie if you've already seen it?
Do you know what a person does when you are not together?
Can you imagine your relationship ending?
Do you talk about life alone with each other?

You must answer each question truthfully. It should also be noted here that a person who truly loves another will not undergo certain tests. Moreover, true love is proven only by actions, not by words and thoughts. If a woman has a relationship with two men, then most likely she does not love them. After all, love and deception are two incompatible things. This needs to be remembered.

Facets of many-sided feelings

Swinging, polygamy, open relationships, polyamory are everyone’s free choice. Perhaps there really are people who are capable of truly loving more than one partner.

If all participants in the process are happy and have reached mutual agreement on all issues, there are no problems. If someone is not very good, then something is wrong and something needs to be changed.

If the situation is painful and a person is tormented by the question of choice, it needs to be made. Otherwise, all participants in the polygon will be unhappy.

First, you need to figure out what we are talking about in relation to each object of feelings: love, passion, affection, friendship, dependence, etc.? If it’s difficult to decide, it’s most likely not love.

Some nuances

Many men wonder how to find out whether a woman loves or not? To answer this question, you need to pay attention to the behavior and attitude of the latter towards her partner.

If we turn to psychology, a loving woman is able to express herself in different ways. For example, she constantly wants to take care of her partner and becomes very anxious when he is cold towards her.

A woman who truly loves a man will not cheat on him, despite the fact that they have a crisis in their relationship. She will endure everything, but will remain faithful.

A woman who loves a man is ready to do almost anything for the sake of her beloved. She wants to be with him through thick and thin, to marry him, to cook food for him, to have children with him.

However, all women are unique. Therefore, some even show rudeness towards the man they love. One way or another, a loving woman is always very emotional and can even be capricious. But the feeling of love inspires any girl, and she is ready to follow her beloved. The main thing is to always be with him.

Consequences

To break this vicious triangle forever, start thinking about the possible consequences. Think about how your connection might affect others. Imagine the impact divorce could have on your children. Is your freedom worth giving up a relationship with a kind, caring person and the broken psyche of a child? Are you ready to go through a lot of problems for the sake of a relationship with a lover who, perhaps, does not want your communication to move to a more serious stage?

Who to choose?

If a woman has two men, then sooner or later she will have to say goodbye to one of them. But how to make the right choice regarding a man so as not to make a mistake? This is a very difficult, but at the same time interesting question.

So, how to choose a man from two? Here you need to do the following:

Mentally compare the two partners and highlight the advantages and disadvantages of each of them.
If a woman is married, but wants to leave for her lover, then it is necessary to find out the seriousness of the intentions of the secret partner (maybe he is dating someone else).
Look at the attitude of each of the men. For example, one constantly gives gifts, but will never pick you up from the bus, and the other, on the contrary, is stingy, but responsible and caring (which means he will be a good husband and father).
Assess the sexual aspect. After all, most often a third party appears in a relationship precisely because of the dissatisfaction of one of the partners.
If a woman has a husband and her lover is married, then you need to choose your partner and not destroy someone else’s family, especially if the other man has children.

Of course, all situations are different, but there are still similarities. If a woman lives in prosperity with her husband and simply gets another man for a change in intimacy, then this is one thing. In such a situation, you need to stay only with your husband. The choice here is obvious.

How to choose between two men: psychology

When making a choice between two men, psychologists recommend being guided by the following criteria:

Determine how you feel about each of your dates. Write down all the feelings they make you feel. Listen to yourself and realize how you feel around them. What specific emotions do you experience in the presence of your men: joy and self-confidence or, conversely, embarrassed and awkward.
Using adjectives, describe your relationship with each of them. Assess the psychological maturity of men, the possibility of their personal development, and your compatibility with them. Which of them finds a common language easier with your relatives and friends? Think about what you like most about your fans. Also consider how much each one turns you on. After all, physical attraction is an important aspect of a harmonious relationship.
Think about which of the two men helps you become better and pushes you to further development . Who do you want to be the best version of yourself for? Which of the two gentlemen makes your life more interesting and brighter? Ask yourself the question: “Am I ready to live with this person all my life?”
Identify the negative aspects of each applicant . Write down all the qualities that do not suit you in them. Pay attention to whether there are serious flaws in men. After all, character is formed over years, and it is almost impossible to change it. Namely, it is the foundation of personality.
Don't think that over time you will be able to get used to what irritates you now . Also list any bad habits the candidates have. Keep in mind that bad habits control the life of a person and his loved ones. Think about which ones you can close your eyes to and accept. Identify those that are unacceptable to you and that you cannot tolerate in your partner.
Pay attention to the social circle of each gentleman. After all, it is known that every person is somewhat similar to his friends. And if you don’t like the environment of one of the men, this is a serious reason to think about it. You shouldn’t console yourself with the fact that he’s not like his friends.
Do the candidates have a difficult past behind them? Think about how it could affect your life together in the future. This point is very important. A man may have wonderful qualities, but problems that follow him from a past life can negatively affect your relationship, taking away a lot of your strength and nerves.

What kind of background do your partners have?

Observe how each man treats you, what they do for you, how much they value the time spent with you, where you rank on their list of priorities. Don't think that over the years, any of the men can change. This happens extremely rarely. Therefore, evaluate your partners based on who they are now, and not on what they are expected to become in the future. Ask yourself how your life would change if either of your two boyfriends disappeared.
Determine how much your views, life guidelines, goals and desires coincide. Find out which man's values are closer to you. It is much easier to build a harmonious relationship with a person who shares your worldview. And if you absolutely do not coincide in your preferences with one of the candidates, it is better to break up with him, even if strong feelings are raging between you.
The eternal confrontation of interests will ultimately lead to misunderstanding and conflicts. And the constant search for compromises will eventually tire both of them. But common values help reduce the tension that appears in relationships from time to time, and also prevent quarrels if the spouses’ opinions on some issues do not coincide.
Before making a decision that could be life-changing for you, carefully study all the information. A thorough analysis will help you direct your interest to one young man. However, in the process of choosing between two men, you should not give up your own intuition. In matters of the heart, trusting her seems very prudent.

Rely on your intuition

Also consider your previous experience. In other words, don't repeat your previous mistakes. If you have had unsuccessful relationships in the past, remember the reasons that led to their unhappy ending. Take a closer look at your current gentlemen. Does any of them have those qualities that did not suit you in your former partner?
We advise you not to delay your choice for too long. When you make a decision in favor of one of the men, and he later finds out that you were simultaneously dating another, his reaction can be very negative. Most representatives of the stronger sex regard such behavior of a woman as treason and betrayal.
Well, if after a thorough analysis you still could not make a choice, since both candidates turned out to be good, then choose the one who appeared in your life last. After all, if the first man suited you completely, then the second would have no chance of attracting your attention.

How to understand who you love more

Love triangles with one woman and two men are not common, but they do happen in life. In order to determine your feelings for a person, you need to close your eyes and imagine that he is not around and will never be there again. If at this moment a woman wanted to see this man and hug him, it means that she feels love for him.

You also need to evaluate your attitude towards each man individually. The main thing is to define yourself and make a choice. Of course, if a woman and her husband have not had sex for a long time, they have not given birth to children and live like neighbors, perhaps their relationship is already over forever. They just haven't realized it themselves yet.

In such a case, you can choose a lover, especially if with him the woman feels happy and desired. But such a decision must be made carefully.

Many women say that they love their husband, but would like to start a relationship with another man. Is it acceptable to talk about such feelings towards a partner in such a situation? Most likely no. And if spouses are not satisfied with their intimate life, it can always be diversified.

“I love two”: women’s revelations

However, has it ever happened to you: among all your male acquaintances, you especially “hic” about one for whom – you think – you feel passion, love, desire, delight and admiration in one bottle? With him is drive and passion, unpredictability and a volcano.

Meanwhile, somewhere in the friend zone there is a certain nerd and bespectacled man in love with you. Which you simply don’t want as a man, although he is quite nice and always at your service.

Or maybe just a calm, balanced man with ordinary, quite ordinary abilities in bed and in life. But reliable. And most importantly, with him everything is always predictable and understandable. And he also loves you and asks you to marry.

A very common situation: it’s comfortable and calm with your husband, but something is missing. And then we find “love” on the side. Adrenaline, cortisol, elation and great sex, that’s all.

With one - romance and drive, with the other - stability, calm and constancy. With one there are common interests, hobbies and intimate conversations, with the other there is only sex, but what kind of sex!

In addition

Some claim that they love their husband, but want to leave him. This applies to representatives of the fair sex, in whose relationship with a partner a real crisis has occurred. What do psychologists advise to do in such a situation? Is it possible to establish a life together?

You just need to wait a little. If the family was created not so long ago, it needs to be preserved. Does a woman not receive the same attention from her husband? She can invite him to go to places where they have been before in order to refresh old feelings. It is also necessary to diversify your sex life and find a common activity, for example, starting renovations.

Moreover, you should not listen to the advice of friends and acquaintances who were married and divorced due to dissimilarities in character. As a rule, such people themselves do not know how to build relationships with partners. This needs to be remembered.