Greetings, friends!
For centuries, people have been trying to understand what love is, because every person at least once encountered this inexplicable feeling that radically changed his life. But even today, despite centuries of searching, there is no unambiguous and generally accepted interpretation of this concept. However, we will try to give the most accurate definition, consider the 10 main signs of love, and therefore get as close as possible to the true understanding of what love is. Let's begin.
What is love?
Love is a long-lasting and strong feeling of affection, implying sympathy for a person, the desire to be close and experience joint emotions, and also to make him happy.
Anyone who has encountered this feeling knows that love implies the strongest affection. A person in love simply cannot imagine life without someone for whom he has romantic feelings. It is interesting that even today psychologists and other scientists cannot unambiguously explain the nature of love and the mechanisms of its occurrence.
Analyzing the nature of love, psychology considers three key manifestations of this feeling:
- Internal drug
. Our well-being and mood are determined by a complex set of chemicals that can influence nerve cells. States of love and falling in love cause powerful releases of substances that make a person happy. The nervous system seems to give us a hint: “Here it is!” You feel good when he's around. Remember this! - Nervous disease
. Despite the surge of energy, it is difficult for a person in love to concentrate, his memory deteriorates, and his actions often become illogical. The brain functions in an unnatural way, preventing a person from fully controlling his own actions. - Habit
. The riot of hormones and neurotransmitters subsides over time. But by this moment people remember with whom they feel good, so they continue to love each other, but with a calmer and more balanced love. At the same time, they begin to act rationally again, and mutual feelings no longer prevent them from working and doing other important things.
addictive
For several months, the partners enjoy each other's company, like a person who cannot get enough of the taste of delicious food. But even the most beautiful dish becomes boring over time. The same thing happens with feelings. The first stage of a relationship cannot last long, because this condition can lead to physical and mental exhaustion. It is known that many lovers are prone to significant weight loss. Partners who start their life together move to the next stage - addiction. This is the second phase of the 7 stages of love. A person begins to notice not only the advantages of the other half, but also the disadvantages. Moreover, negative qualities are more striking than positive ones.
How is love different from falling in love?
There are thousands of works in world literature that describe the one and only love of a lifetime. In reality, everything is somewhat more complicated. Almost each of us first experienced romantic feelings back in school, but then connected our lives with a completely different person. This is explained by the fact that in their youth people are inexperienced and often perceive their first crush as love.
What is falling in love, and how does it differ from true love? This is a strong sympathy that arises, as a rule, among teenagers and young people who do not yet have experience in personal relationships. Looking at the guy or girl they like from the outside, they create in their own imagination an idealized image that does not correspond to reality. When the relationship develops, the perfect image collapses and feelings disappear.
An important distinguishing feature of love is the desire to take care of a person, give him all kinds of benefits and provide emotional comfort. And although falling in love is not a selfish feeling, it mainly implies the desire to spend time with a person, and not live for him.
The difference between love and falling in love is best described by a Chinese proverb: “Being in love is when you pick the flower you like and take it away. Love is when you bring water to water it every day.”
Love differs from falling in love by awareness. A person in love does not need an ideal; he is ready to put up with shortcomings. True love “ripes” much longer than falling in love, but it is almost impossible to destroy it with petty misunderstandings. We are ready to forgive a loved one more than ourselves.
Falling in love makes a person idealize the object of his affection, and therefore often becomes the cause of unhappy marriages. Young boys and girls, having fallen in love, do not see any flaws in their chosen ones. They quickly start families, believing that they have already met the love of their lives. But living together very quickly sobers them up, and they realize that they are strangers to each other.
True love changes too. Passion and romance pass, but the couple still maintains affection, respect and other important feelings. The so-called “maturation of relationships” occurs. At the same time, the desire to be together is preserved, friendship and mutual affection are strengthened, and the spouses have no doubt that they have chosen correctly with whom to start a family.
Bottom line
Now do you understand why, lately, love relationships are falling apart more and more often, families do not last long, and men and women are increasingly beginning to hate each other? The reason for this is some idea that love exists somewhere. Everyone is looking for this feeling, because it seems to everyone that with its appearance their life will improve, become extremely joyful, happy and carefree. However, love is a fairy tale. As long as you create it yourself, you have it. Once you start living real life, all love evaporates.
It will be useful: “If you endure it, you fall in love, or why marriages break up”
Love does not exist. Men and women have feelings for each other, but they have their own concepts and definitions. We can say that partners experience a complex of feelings for each other. This set of feelings they call love. How correct this is is up to you to judge.
Famous psychologists about love
Many psychologists have studied and described this feeling in detail in their works. To better understand what love is, it is worth familiarizing yourself with some interesting thoughts of outstanding authors.
Robert Sternberg (American professor of psychology) identified three main components without which love cannot exist: passion, attraction and responsibility.
Arthur Petrovsky (Soviet and Russian psychologist) said that people in love should be passionate about each other, and sincere feelings are always clearly visible from the outside. He argued that love cannot exist in the presence of even the slightest mistrust. He also believed that for love to exist, actions are required, and feelings alone are not enough.
Erich Fromm (German sociologist and psychoanalyst of the mid-20th century) called love a mutually beneficial commercial alliance. He believed that lovers should give themselves completely to love, giving the maximum to their partner and receiving the maximum in return. And if such an approach to relationships is mutual, then the marriage will be successful, even when the initial passion evaporates. Otherwise, love can immediately be considered failed.
Harry Sullivan (an American psychologist of the early 20th century) believed that true love can only be spoken of when a lover exalts the interests of his loved one over his own.
John Gottman (American psychologist) suggested that one of the worst manifestations of love is the idealization of a partner. True love never clouds your eyes and does not prevent you from seeing the shortcomings of your loved one.
Henry Dix (British psychologist of the mid-20th century and founder of psychoanalytic marital therapy) argued that only indifference can completely and irrevocably kill love.
Esther Perel (a psychotherapist from Belgium and a regular participant in TED conferences) says that to maintain love, it is important to always maintain a sense of self-worth.
Please note that in the above examples, psychologists talk about love as an experience, but do not mention the physiological aspects of this feeling. Moreover, from a scientific point of view, love is a purely physiological process. Attachment to a person is formed and strengthened by the release of special chemicals in the brain that provide pleasure and other sensations.
Signs of sincere feelings
Wise people never try to accept feelings of emotional intimacy as undeniable truth. Time puts everything in its place and points in the right direction. The excitement that has just appeared is not yet an indicator that people will have a good time together. You will probably have to go through multiple tests and overcome obstacles that seem completely insurmountable.
Fortune telling will not help here; you will have to pass the test to the end. Complete immersion in the world of another person brings maximum satisfaction. Let us dwell in more detail on the signs of the emergence of sincere feelings.
Confidence
You can talk about anything with your loved one without fear of looking stupid. Trust is paramount. After all, when it is not there, everything else becomes meaningless, devoid of bright colors. Only if you can not be afraid to open up completely will genuine dedication and a desire to share your most intimate things come. Not all people will be able to speak openly and discuss painful issues.
Sincerity
Honesty and openness are necessary conditions for the emergence of long-term affection. The need to talk about one’s feelings is as natural to the individual as everyday communication. However, only with your soulmate you can stop playing any roles and stop wearing social masks. The essence of such attraction is to bare your soul, to become as close to people as possible.
Desire to care
Love changes a person. Sometimes changes transform you beyond recognition and force you to reconsider your views on the world. There is a desire to make the chosen one happy, to help him find peace of mind.
The desire to give warmth and care comes from a pure heart. The individual is aware of what is happening, but she no longer wants to live only for herself. An uncontrollable need appears to constantly cover the life of another person with thoughts, fill it with joy, make it interesting and joyful.
READ How to stop loving someone you love very much: advice from a psychologist
Respect
Respect is a necessary condition for the formation of a strong and happy union. Without this, no trust or manifestation of sincerity is possible. It is necessary to learn how to build relationships in such a way that the interests of the partner are taken into account, taking into account his character traits and temperament. In adolescence, falling in love with teachers and coaches often occurs. The reason for this is the need for high impressions, protection, or interesting communication that peers cannot provide. Then respect comes to the fore, overshadowing even sexual attraction.
Joint development
After creating a family, people unite into one. Your partner’s problems begin to be perceived as your own, and this is not surprising. I want to help, be useful, make far-reaching plans. There is joint development within the couple. It is due to the fact that people learn to look at life in one direction and make thoughtful decisions.
As a result of overcoming multiple obstacles, character changes, joint aspirations, hobbies and plans appear. People who have been together for many years can no longer imagine life without each other. Over time, affection strengthens and becomes indestructible wealth and a true treasure.
Responsibility
In marriage it is impossible to live on your own. The individual “I” becomes “we”. People are aware that they constantly think about their partner and worry about him. Sometimes your own needs have to be pushed into the background, because otherwise it is difficult to get closer to understanding the essence of the problem. Over time, one comes to realize one's responsibility to one's spouse. This feeling comes from the time spent together and the difficulties overcome.
Responsibility implies the absence of secrets and omissions. It is necessary to completely open up to your chosen one, allow him to become part of your personal everyday reality. Where positive emotions are present, conflicts are quickly resolved and turn into minor disagreements. True love opens the doors of mutual understanding.
Candy-bouquet period
The most wonderful stage of a relationship is when you want to pause the whole world and just enjoy each other. This stage is called the candy-bouquet stage or the stage of falling in love. You remember that there are still several stages to true love? By the way, at this stage it is not recommended to make serious decisions about a common future: marriage, children, etc.
Signs of falling in love:
- Idealizing a partner
- The desire to spend as much time with each other as possible
- Lack of interest in other people
- Feeling inspired, inspired
This period lasts differently for everyone - a month, half a year, a year. But it definitely ends, moving to a new phase. This is for the better, because scientists have proven that at the stage of falling in love, a person’s brain activity is as if under the influence of narcotic substances. If this period had lasted longer, physical and nervous exhaustion would have come very soon.
This concerns the two of you, others have nothing to do with it.
It's no secret that other people love to chat about other people's relationships, and on occasion, they are sure to express their opinion or give advice. Your friends and relatives are especially good at this.
And here your first task is to distance yourself from their advice so that it does not affect your relationship in any way. If you succeed, it means that your relationship is truly strong and will become stronger.
If you and your partner think in terms of “WE” and not “I” and “You”, then this is a sign of true love. This means that you have become a real couple and are working together. Don't forget the old proverb that says that where there is a real team, the “I” is no longer there.
If you increasingly find yourself using the forms “We think... We did... We went... We plan” in conversation, this is a good sign. This means the real “WE” is born. Real love.
