Your style of communication. How to avoid alienating people?

What are the types of manners adjectives?

We offer you a translation of the word manner into English, German and French. Implemented using the Yandex.Dictionary service

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• manner
  - image realistic manner - realistic manner
• peculiar manner

• style
  - performing style - performing style

• Manier
  - behavior
• Art und Weise
  - way
• Weise
  - method, style, effective manner - effiziente Weise

• manière
  - style, habit, posture, stylistics, manner of action, drawing similar manner - manière pareille
• manner of speaking - façon de parler
• driving style - style de conduite

Tips from professional actors

Courses in acting, the psychology of influencing people, or the psychology of business negotiations will help you master the art of competent nonverbal communication, develop the correct structure of speech and gestures when communicating, and master manners. Training in these courses and courses of a similar focus begins with mastering oneself, getting rid of pressures and complexes, studying the psychology of communication and developing the ability to understand people.

Professional actors are people who, due to their profession, constantly have to try on other people's characters and non-standard situations. An actor's bread and butter is persuasiveness, and it is achieved by deep penetration into the psychology of the character. Here are the basic rules for proper communication with people from professional actors:

• Keep your distance. It’s a rare person who feels delighted by familiarity, so don’t rush to switch to “you”, it will always be done in time. In addition, each person has a personal space (within a radius of half a meter), which can only be violated by close people.
• Smile. A smile is the surest sign of goodwill and good intentions. When you first meet, a person unconsciously evaluates you for possible danger. This assessment will directly influence his expectations. If you want him to calm down and relax in your company, smile at him.
• Maintain eye contact. Direct eye to eye contact means openness and a desire to make contact. Any communication begins with visual contact, do not neglect it.
• Watch your speech and gestures. Be neutral in everything: do not speak too loudly or too much, and avoid excessive gesticulation.

The listed criteria for proper constructive communication can help you out in any situation, even if the dialogue doesn’t go well initially. hcILCCmHrVs

Levels of Communication

Communication gives a person a new impulse, joy, pleasure, which helps a person cope with boredom, the routine of everyday life, and raises him to new levels in his professional activities. Communication is a complex, multi-level process of establishing and developing relationships between people, which represents the exchange of information, perception and understanding by a person of another person.

The first indicator is the ability to express one's thoughts

. Agree, it is very difficult to communicate with a person when he is not even able to explain what he wants. A striking life example is the communication of a person who is in a state of severe alcoholic intoxication; he, as they say, has more than enough philosophical thoughts, but the ability to express them is practically zero. Of course, this is only an extreme case. In everyday life, every sober person has the minimum necessary vocabulary.

Let's remember what almost all of us face quite often. Have you ever communicated with a person who, in order to express his own emotions, convey his impressions and simply in a conversation, does not have enough words to indicate those images and thoughts that are spinning in his head?! At the same time, some words may be repeated, and expressive pauses such as “well-uh-uh,” “um-mm,” and the like are included in the speech. Or maybe you caught yourself doing this too?? Well, then MirSovetov’s diagnosis is not a happy one: in the “expression of thought” section you have a problem. That's the problem, i.e. a small and completely surmountable obstacle. And, of course, we will tell you how to develop your abilities in this matter.

First of all, in order to learn to express thoughts smoothly and consistently, you need to have a fairly large vocabulary. The best thing that can be suggested for replenishing your vocabulary is to increase your level of reading (books, magazines, newspapers, etc. literature), while you will retain all the words that have a similar meaning, and you should learn with interest from dictionaries every new word. You will learn no less from communicating with other people, discussing various topics with them.

These exercises are especially useful if you perform them with your child from an early age (note to mothers!).

Continuing the topic of “expressing thoughts,” one cannot help but recall the difficulties that arise when the interlocutor begins to speak only to him in words that are understandable. This can be either scientific terminology or a set of jargon, often intertwined with obscene expressions - in both cases it is equally difficult to understand anything. Only if in the second case there is rather a problem with culture and education, then in the first the problem is expressed in the fact that a person uses words in his speech whose meanings are not clear to others. In such cases, you need to feel the interlocutor, see if he understands you, and, if necessary, explain the meaning of individual words. And here we come to the second “brick”, which makes up the level of communication.

The second important point is the approach to communication itself.

. The main thing here is the ability to choose words taking into account the audience in which you are now. In a sense, this is a manner, a style of communication, but not only that. It is important to understand that depending on your current environment, it is necessary to adapt not only to the appropriate style of communication, but also to use the set of words that will be appropriate and understandable in this circle of people. For example, when you are at a business meeting (even if your companions are well known to you) and among friends (even if the conversation is about work), communication will be built on different levels.

To decide whether your words are appropriate, you need to put yourself in the place of the person to whom your speech is addressed, and evaluate yourself from the outside. If it is difficult to decide whether your words will be perceived correctly and perceived in general, it is better to use phrases and expressions that are standard for a particular situation. Try going into an interview and loudly greeting the employers: “Respect!” Unless it's an acting interview, you run the risk of flying out the door right away. It would sound much more pleasant (albeit banal): “Good afternoon!”

The approach to communication is also an expression of the attitude towards the interlocutor, including the degree of interest (or indifference) in his personality.

The third, no less significant component of our communication is the pace of speech.

. Again, in many respects you have to focus on the situation. Where you have to speak relatively quickly (a characteristic feature for heated debates), somewhere, on the contrary, more slowly (when asking riddles, for example).

But in general, it is important that speech is measured and even. Even if it’s a surge of emotions or, for example, a desire to report interesting news before others, even then you need to try not to let the words fly out faster than the thoughts in your head form a coherent speech.

There is a good exercise that allows you to learn how to express your thoughts at the same pace. Try saying something while walking, not necessarily out loud, saying the same number of words for each step. The average speed of pronouncing words is two words per second, and therefore you can also try to pronounce 1-2 words per step.

In addition to the ability to clearly express one's thoughts, speech rate will also help you get rid of filler words (“well”, “in short”, “um”), which can often be heard from those people who strive to speak quickly, but at the same time do not have enough vocabulary.

And, of course, we can’t help but mention something that any communication is indispensable – a sense of humor.

. You will probably remember more than one example when, with the help of humor, it was possible to defuse a rather tense situation. Even in business circles, a well-timed joke can be quite appropriate.

So, we have figured out what the concept of “level of communication” is built from, now let’s move on to talking about what levels there are.

Usually the main mistake people make is that they do not use the level of communication that is required in a particular situation. For example, often overly well-mannered people try to speak with hooligans in a friendly and confidential manner, which, of course, cannot be done. Be tough and even impolite when necessary. Humor will be appropriate only if the personal qualities of the hooligans are not affected. Manipulative

The manipulative level can assume the guise of any other level. Manipulation can be recognized by the general unnaturalness of the situation, for example, a person, whose entire appearance is defined as a carrier of a primitive type of communication, speaks at a spiritual and confidential level. Business

The interlocutor is attentive to your personal views, tastes, he pays attention to your character and age. The goal that unites you determines your relationship - therefore this is not manipulation (however, a competent player can easily combine several levels of communication at once, based on his goals). The business level of communication in everyday life applies to people with whom it is necessary to maintain a certain distance. MirSovetov draws your attention to the fact that efficiency is also a conscious, serious perception of the interlocutor, therefore this level of communication is to some extent applicable not only in business entrepreneurial relations.

In family life, this level will allow you to avoid primitive contacts. For example, a dispute over washing dishes in a family will be resolved faster if this problem is resolved at a business level of communication.

– Don’t I get tired when I go to work every day?

– I understand you, but I also go to work every day. Let's agree that I'll wash the dishes on the weekends when I'm free. Or, if you want, we can plan a schedule and alternate between even and odd numbers. Game

A level of communication based on improvisational forms that can be frivolous, humorous, even grotesque. So, several friends, talking animatedly and exchanging jokes, do not notice how a rather long logical chain is being built. Women's coquetry is also one of the most striking examples of communication at the level of mutual play.

This level of communication is directly related to a sense of humor; it is very important for any informal relationship. For example, family relationships are unlikely to be sufficiently harmonious and constantly renewed without mutual play and humor.

It happens that people with a certain type of character and temperament use the game level in conversations that require a completely different level of communication. This does not mean at all that these people are not capable of serious action, it is simply a consequence of a certain mentality. Such people belong to the hyperthymic psychotype (cheerful, energetic people). By the way, if we are overly irritated by such optimists, maybe we should think about whether we take life too seriously? Spiritual

The name shows that this level of communication is characterized by the greatest degree of disclosure of one’s personality and immersion in the personality of the interlocutor. This level sometimes requires considerable internal effort, which not everyone is capable of. The spiritual level of communication is used by some especially close relatives and friends. Confessing to a priest, a sincere story about yourself, will certainly require a particularly deep spiritual level of communication.

A special feature of the spiritual level of communication is the unhurried pace of speech, the reason for which is a special trusting attitude towards the interlocutor, towards communication with him.

Situation: She shows Him a notebook of her school poems, and He, instead of showing interest, makes the remark: “I thought you were talking about something serious.” This pattern of behavior is fundamentally wrong. She offers Him communication on a spiritual level, but He perceives it on a primitive business level. “Hmm, you made some pretty good sonnets,” he should say, even if it’s not entirely true. Mask level

Everyone can count many masks. The interlocutor inevitably puts on a mask of friendliness, seriousness, and politeness, since sometimes it is simply psychologically impossible to invest all your mental resources and charm into communication. You should also take into account not only verbal contacts - no less often we encounter someone simply by looking at them, silently shaking someone’s hand, this also takes energy, and we protect ourselves with the help of masks (MirSovetov talked about this in more detail in the material “Nonverbal means of communication").

Note that when you give a less-than-sincere compliment, you put on a mask so as not to get hurt by your own insincerity. The concept of lying is directly related to the mask system. The level of masks also includes the concepts of “Formal level”, “Level of maintaining contact”, “Level of standard conversation” (according to Byudzhental). The formal level is characterized by maintaining a certain impression of oneself and maintaining a certain distance. The level of maintaining contact is communication between people in a more relaxed manner, communication at the level of facts and opinions. The standard conversation level is an everyday dialogue between loved ones and acquaintances.

If necessary, use masks; sometimes you should not show your true mood to your interlocutors, since any deviation from the norm may be misunderstood. Your bad mood when communicating with a client, or your overly high spirits at a wake will not be entirely appropriate. It is worth noting that constant communication in a mask often greatly interferes with the manifestations of one’s own “I”. Suppose, if it is appropriate to be polite and reserved on the street, then in communication with your beloved and friends it will even be dangerous.

In Buddhist and Taoist philosophies, the techniques of “putting on masks” are well developed, and thus the mask is a path to self-improvement - suppressing the shortcomings of one’s “I” with the help of a mask. For example, if you want to get rid of shyness, you put on the mask of a brave, decisive, even somewhat arrogant person. Communication in a critical situation

There is also a special level - communication in a critical situation. Such situations contribute to the removal of masks, more fruitful subjective contact, and joint decision-making.

Dressing style

It would seem, how can others care about the way you are dressed? However, there are also rules of good manners here.

At a formal event, it would be appropriate to ask the organizers about the expected style of dress (if this is not specified in the invitation). In any case, appearing at a gala reception in jeans and a shirt, you will look at least ridiculous. And an invitation to a friendly party in an informal setting hardly requires a tuxedo or an elegant dress. So take into account the circumstances and carefully select the outfit in which you will feel most comfortable.

The bad and the good

Since childhood, we have been instilled with the knowledge that we need to acquire good manners and get rid of bad ones. But how can we characterize both?

Bad manners are, first of all, a way of behavior that evokes negative emotions in others. An example would be outright rudeness, disrespect for people, and indifference. This also includes sloppiness in clothing and appearance, excessive gesticulation, irritability, and foul language.

Good manners are just the opposite. The person who has them is open and friendly. It is not surprising that he attracts others to himself like a magnet and creates all the conditions for his own life development.

Business communication manners

What kind of person do you think is serious? Such persons have a good understanding of the correct manners of communication. A person who wants to be taken seriously will try to appear serious. His gestures will be open, but at the same time his gaze and voice will be tough and authoritative. In this way, the person will express his self-confidence. A person who wants to succeed in the business world must be able to maintain composure in any situation and not succumb to all kinds of provocations. The communication manners of a business person come down to friendliness, frankness, open gestures, confident movements and authoritative intonation. Communicating with such a person will be pleasant, but at the same time scary. It will seem to the interlocutor that his opponent is taller and stronger. Moreover, a business person should inspire this on a subconscious level, and on a conscious level, the conversation should be easy and pleasant.

Positive manners of communication with the interlocutor

Of course, each of us wants to be positive and successful, so learning good manners is the first step towards the goal. How to achieve this? Here are some simple rules for communicating with another person.

• Try to create an initially positive emotional contact. Even if you are forced to talk a lot about yourself, give your interlocutor the impression that you are not indifferent to him.
• In business, friendly, and any other communication, good manners are the key to success. The ability to arouse interest and push for reciprocal interaction plays a big role. So try to listen as much as you speak.
• Make sure your speech is correct and organized. Eliminate filler words, let the sentences be clearly structured and literate.
• Avoid contradictions - they will cause your interlocutor to subconsciously distrust your words.
• Prefer extreme clarity to many details and details. Otherwise, the person you are talking to may simply get bored.
• Gestures, facial expressions, facial expressions - all this plays a huge role. Do not overdo these movements, as there is a high risk of scaring off your interlocutor and causing a negative reaction.

Image and manner of communication

The way a person carries himself says a lot about him. When he selects or develops an image for himself, he should not lose sight of his manner of communication. For example, a girl who wants to deserve to become a significant person in a man's business must behave seriously. Flirty behavior will not give her a chance to be perceived as a business partner by her interlocutors. The image of a modern person, language, speech, manner of communication - all this is interconnected. Look at how a person behaves and you can definitely tell about his profession. After all, it is the field of activity that leaves its mark on a person. For example, a successful manager will act relaxed in any company. He will not be shy about meeting people and talking to them openly. But a person who works with documents, and not with people, may be a closed person. It will be difficult to bring such a person into dialogue.

Is it possible to know a person well by his manners?

You can recognize a person’s mannerisms only by observing them in different life situations. It is safe to say that a person’s true face can be seen at a moment when he cannot completely control his emotions.

Stressful situations drive you crazy. A person does not always understand how to behave, and therefore his true and undisguised reactions appear. In conflicts, people lose self-control and control, so their behavior is exposed and visible to others. And the opposite happens when the situation is comfortable, safe, a person can calmly present himself in it, as he sees fit, behavior is controlled by the calm flow of emotions and feelings.

Basics of social etiquette

Weddings. Children's matinees. Funeral. Parties. They all have their own rules, but who can remember them all?

Luckily, it's pretty easy. The etiquette of communication between ladies and gentlemen invited to participate in special events boils down to the following distinctive features:

1. Know what to expect

Each event will have its own rules. Take some time to study them.

2. Carry some cash with you

Basics of social etiquette

How should a person who knows etiquette behave in everyday life?

Features of everyday etiquette

1. “First others, then you”

The happiness of your loved ones matters, and your actions can affect it. If you follow this point, you have grasped the essence of etiquette.

2. “No” to complaints!

Don't allow yourself to become negative. Complaining publicly won't make you a better person, even when it comes to something everyone around you hates.

Smile, shrug, and change the conversation to something more positive.

3. Small steps

Consciously do small good deeds. People will notice. These days they will be surprised.

It could be:

Hold the doors;

Meet people with a smile, boldly looking into their eyes

No matter who is in front of you, a cashier, a clerk or a bartender, acknowledge their presence. In appropriate situations, offer a handshake;

Dress carefully;

Use names when addressing someone.

These small actions make the difference between ethical and unethical people. Ethical people are crazy easy, they do all these actions without even noticing them.

Facial expressions and gestures

How does a person convey information to the interlocutor? He conveys some part verbally, and another part non-verbally. Facial expressions and gestures sometimes speak more eloquently than words. The manners of communicating with people can be developed consciously. Of course, at first it will be difficult to control nonverbal signals. But over time, you can train your gestures. For example, when you communicate with people you don’t know, on a subconscious level you want to close yourself off from them. But don’t follow your body’s lead, don’t cross your arms or legs. Take open poses. Thanks to this simple trick, you will feel relaxed, and your interlocutors will perceive you as a confident and sociable person. If something amazes you in your opponent’s opinion, you don’t need to paint it on your face. Vivid facial expressions are appropriate when talking with friends, but not when communicating among unfamiliar people. Some individuals may perceive your dumbfounded appearance as disagreement with their position in life.

Definition

The manner of communication is a multi-component image. What is it made of? From the timbre of the voice, from the ability to control one’s speech, facial expressions and gestures. The interlocutor evaluates his opponent not only on the basis of his speeches, but also on the basis of how the person behaves. In 10 minutes of personal communication with a person you can learn much more about him than in six months of correspondence. People can make a good impression with their behavior, or they can ruin their self-image. Moreover, it is not the content of speeches that plays a big role here, but their design. Sometimes it’s much more pleasant to communicate with a lovable fool than with a struggling intellectual.

Good social behavior

Every person should try to behave correctly and be cultured when communicating with other people. Without good manners, we appear disrespectful to others. And in some cases, very bad behavior can lead to insults, quarrels or fights.

What are good manners?

We are all taught to be polite from childhood. Our parents explain to us how to properly thank other people and how to behave in various life situations. For example:

• Give up your seat on the bus to older people;
• Let women go first;
• Help open the doors for a disabled person or a woman with a small child;
• If a person drops something, help him pick it up.

These are not all good manners, but they are some of the basic ones.

Public and private behavior

We must maintain good behavior with our family, friends and work colleagues. We must also behave appropriately with strangers. For example:

• Do not ignore passers-by when they approach you;
• Answer all calls from your friends and relatives;
• Fulfill all your obligations;
• Notify other people if you are delayed.

Each of us has bad and good behavior patterns that can manifest themselves. I want you to always keep an eye on them and control them. Below is a list of bad and good behaviors that you should watch out for first.

Good manners

• Answer all calls and messages;
• Hold doors for other people;
• Let another driver pass on the road;
• Turn off your mobile phone during meetings or conferences;
• Do not be late for a meeting or event;
• Do not interrupt a person when talking;
• Before coming to visit, be sure to call and warn.

Bad behavior

• Do not answer phone calls;
• use obscene language;
• Talking too loudly on the phone;
• Be late for meetings or not show up at all;
• Smoking in a public place;
• Come to visit without an invitation;
• Wave your arms when talking;
• Eat food on public transport.

How do you feel when you encounter rude people?

Let's face it. We are all human and we all make mistakes, we are always in a hurry and often forget to behave civilly. We may not let another driver pass on the road, or after a hard day at work, we may refuse to meet someone and go home to rest.

Different patterns of human behavior

Photo by Monstera: Pexels
There are a large number of people in the world with different characters and temperaments, the latter influencing impulsiveness, restraint, aggressiveness, passivity and activity of the individual.

Behavior directly depends on the mobility of the nervous system and on the character of the person.

A person is born with an innate temperament, in other words, his nervous system already has a certain predisposition to one or another type of reaction to environmental stimuli, but character is developed with age.

A child grows up in a family where the inner circle of people who are important to him teach him how to communicate with others, share, or rather, demonstrate their styles of behavior. A person, from an early age to full maturity, is in the stage of identifying himself with one of the adults. Accordingly, his behavior, reactions and communication styles will be reflected in the child’s personality. And since we all have different families, different parenting styles, people have different behavior patterns.

Is behavior always indicative?

In the same situation, people can react and act differently, this will speak about their temperament, life experience and culture. But one thing should always be taken into account: a person’s behavior cannot always speak about his true essence.

One person can behave one way in one circle of people, and completely differently in another. Take, for example, domestic tyrants who are real role models in public and in society. And at home they behave aggressively and unrestrainedly.

Such hypocrisy and duality can speak volumes, but it is difficult to see this side of a personality through behavior the first time. People wear masks in the form of certain behavior patterns that they have chosen as optimal for themselves. This or that behavior model allows them to receive certain benefits.

How to introduce people

There are formal rules about how people should be introduced. There are situations where you certainly must do this with utmost care. More generally, in an ordinary everyday situation or at work, if there is any doubt that someone does not know someone, you should introduce people to each other in the simplest way possible. Of course, you can say more if you want. You can also immediately continue on your way, but you still have to introduce yourself. It is considered very bad form to force your friends to listen to your conversation with someone else without even introducing them to each other.

All this is even more important when it comes to social events. Many people who are otherwise polite and reasonable do a poor job of this task. They believe that introducing people to each other is not their business. Either they are too shy, or they assume that everyone already knows each other; or find it too formal and tedious to introduce everyone by name. However, presentation is so important to the flow of conversation that it doesn't matter who does it. You may introduce your brother and sister to each other by mistake, but remember: it is better to introduce people you already know to each other than not to introduce them at all. Don't assume that everyone already knows each other. This is another example of underestimating one’s own importance: at some public event. You may know virtually no one, but others may know even fewer there. Then you can become a link between the two groups, and it is your responsibility to introduce them.

How to deal with manners?

The main sign of bad manners is pointing out to other people their bad manners. It’s better to take a closer look at yourself; you can probably spot a few bad manners.

1. If you are irritable, flare up over trifles and can be rude in the heat of the moment, try to control yourself. Practice breathing deeper at home, counting during an attack of irritation, use what works best, and gradually it will become a habit.
2. Bad manners can be caused by ignorance, especially if you are in another country. Take an interest, or better yet, find out in advance how to behave and what the customs are in this area.
3. If you are inattentive to people, or simply do not notice the need for help, ask, thereby you will be known as an attentive person and gradually get used to showing concern for others.
4. Write down all your bad habits, manners, ask someone you trust what irritates you, analyze what situations provoke them. At first, you can ask a loved one to gently draw your attention to the manifestation of bad manners; later you will see them yourself and will be able to keep them under control.

Person's character

How much can you learn about the person in front of you? Communication manners will introduce your interlocutor to you much better than he can do it himself. If a person speaks loudly, smiles at the same time and is not afraid to ask awkward questions, it means that in front of you is an easy-going person who has a courageous character and a cheerful disposition. A person who speaks in a low voice and looks at the ground is an insecure person who is clearly uncomfortable in your company. A person who speaks loudly and does not give you the opportunity to speak is a power-hungry person with leadership habits.

Gestures

Nonverbal information plays a big role in the perception of the interlocutor; most often people pay attention to gestures. If you need to impress your interlocutor, you should learn not only to express your thoughts, but also to regulate your gestures.

Some gestures will help to win people over, knowledge of certain points will help to win people over and get to know your interlocutor more. This approach will help you quickly determine the level of interest and other important points.

In the process of communication, closed postures should be avoided, these include crossed limbs of the legs and arms. Most often, this indicates the presence of fears and reluctance to communicate; one should refrain from such a pose.

What are the rules of etiquette

The concept comes from the French word “etiquette”, which means a set of generally accepted rules of behavior, knowledge of the basics of politeness. There are several main types of etiquette:

• the ability to present oneself: the formation of a wardrobe, grooming, physical fitness, gestures, postures, posture;
• speech form: ability to give compliments, greetings, gratitude, manner of speech;
• table etiquette: ability to eat, knowledge of serving standards, table manners;
• behavior in society: how to behave in an office, store, exhibition, museum, restaurant, theater, court;
• business etiquette: relationships with superiors, colleagues, business negotiations.

Rules of good manners for men

If a representative of the stronger sex values ​​his reputation in society, he will always observe moderation in clothing. Shorts and T-shirts are appropriate for a family dinner or during a country vacation. For an informal setting, sports or classic clothes are suitable, and for business meetings a tie and jacket are required. As for good manners, it will not be difficult for a well-mannered man to politely nod in response to a greeting even from a stranger. How to communicate with a woman, superiors, and relatives will be discussed below.

Modern etiquette for women

The first rule for a woman is tact in all situations. Etiquette lessons involve behaving respectfully with everyone, be it your neighbor, your business partner, or your front door cleaner. If a woman likes to joke, then she should clearly determine in what situation you can allow a joke, and with whom you need to be serious. It is necessary to observe a culture of communication with the opposite sex. You should not flirt, make advances or make eyes at men you don’t know or know – this is a violation of etiquette. Politeness presupposes simple communication without intrigue, gossip and rumors.

Etiquette standards for children

Rules of behavior in society also exist for children. Future success, career, and environment will depend on the knowledge that a child receives in childhood. The simplest methods for mastering the rules of etiquette are reading fairy tales, watching cartoons, using board games on a given topic, and humming songs. The basic rule of politeness for a child is respect for all adults, children, and animals without exception. Everything else flows smoothly from this.

Advice for future “society ladies”

Naturalness!

Simplicity and naturalness! But - in moderation. Not the kind of simplicity that is “worse than theft,” you understand. Just be yourself and respect yourself. Then you won’t have to hide your complexes by giggling loudly at the movies or walking around in a daze from your inability to start a conversation with the guy you like. If something surprises you, be surprised! If it makes you happy, smile! For yourself, not for others. People around you will immediately notice a sweet girl with a bright and clean face, open to the world and emotions.

Restraint

Pay attention to how members of the British royal family behave, for example. They are always calm, friendly and benevolent

They smile with their eyes, rather than baring their teeth. In this regard, our pop stars, unfortunately, are not an example. Let's try to act like Kate Middleton! Friends will immediately notice and appreciate the change for the better.

Politeness

Always and towards everyone. Not only to the dean at the institute or the boss at work. But also to colleagues, classmates, neighbors, janitors, the crowd waiting for the train in the subway. Do you know what Renata Litvinova (who is undoubtedly an example of excellent manners) says? A truly beautiful and intelligent person never shows off these qualities. He is unfailingly polite and willing to help. He values ​​himself and, as a result, those around him. And one of the “signs of a real Parisian” is that he says “bonjour” to everyone he meets (that is, he says hello). I hope you convinced me?

Curiosity

If you don't know something, never hesitate to ask! What utensil to take to an oyster restaurant, how to put on the most fashionable exotic hat, how to get to the library... It’s not a shame or a sin not to know something. A person is given his whole life for self-development and learning.

This is only the basis of social etiquette, the basis that every self-respecting girl should know. By studying, understanding and accepting the rules of good manners, you will make your own life more colorful, beautiful and worthy of respect!

Purpose of communication

Why do people talk and how does it affect the way they communicate? By the way your opponent presents himself to you, you can understand the goal that he wants to achieve through dialogue. If a guy speaks in a polite, flirtatious tone with a girl, then he wants to establish a closer acquaintance with her. If a person talks to you in a businesslike tone, it means that he simply needs to find out some information from you. A person who jokes with you may have several goals: to rise at your expense in the company, to make people laugh, or to cheer you up. Of course, the purpose of communication must be considered in a specific context and understand how familiar the opponents are.

Basics of business etiquette

One of the benefits of business etiquette is that it is clear and consistent. Basic “politeness” is always applied in it, from a conversation with the boss to a business meeting to conclude a major deal.

Rules of business etiquette:

1. First of all, do no harm.

In fact, this phrase is not in the Hippocratic Oath. But it is fantastically true to business etiquette.

No matter where you are or what profession you have, everything depends on the goodwill of other people, your bosses or your subordinates.

Every impression matters. Weigh your actions and choose only those that have a positive impact on your team.

Another good principle to keep in mind:

Be a little conservative in your actions and actions. This saves you from potentially catastrophic mistakes.

A few things to avoid in a business setting:

• Raising your voice. When you shout, you are most often wrong. In addition, this way you disgrace not only yourself, but also your partners;
• Foul language. Your swearing teaches people that they don't need to listen to every word you say;
• Physical contact. Other than a handshake (firm, clear, with eye contact), you should not touch coworkers, clients, or anyone else in the office or business event. This is true for both sexes.
• Negative comments. Anything: a rainy day, your kids lost your credit card, a deal fell through and cost you thousands of dollars - it doesn't matter. Take a deep breath and move towards constructive solutions.

2. Listen, then speak

A polite businessman is a good businessman. Don't let pushy coaches convince you that listening, thinking, and then speaking is a weakness.

People like to talk. Let them have it

This will give you a double advantage: the interlocutor will feel good in your company and share important information with you.

Business etiquette and communication culture (video 3 minutes)

Your own response should be businesslike and clear. In practical terms, this is an etiquette skill that will make you a better negotiator.

Aggressive business negotiations and transactions are carried out with people who are easily intimidated. But you will not find such people among those who are responsible for truly important matters.

The best path in a business environment is the path of courtesy, which indicates wisdom, long-term thinking and the ability to navigate difficult situations.

3. Show respect

We're talking about showing respect to the world around us, not bowing down to everyone we meet. This is the essence of business etiquette.

Taking on mini-tasks to make people's lives easier in the office or in meetings is common sense and a practical way to make people think well of you.

Hold doors for people. Bring a couple of spare pens to the presentation in case someone needs them. Bring donuts to your morning meeting.

However, be careful not to overdo it. Business etiquette is very conservative. Some gestures may be considered inappropriate, for example:

• Gifts are not suitable for a business atmosphere. This is always a hint of obscenity. Exceptions may include holidays and corporate events.
• Payment for a business dinner is the responsibility of the person who initiated the meeting. If you're hosting a dinner, you shouldn't split the check or accept anyone else's offer to pay.

Getting to know each other: introducing people to each other

There are situations in which formalities are unnecessary. There are also those in which you need to represent your interlocutors according to all the rules. In any case, if you have any doubts that people are strangers, you should definitely introduce them to each other. Just by name or with a more detailed representation - depends on the situation. Talking to someone in the company of another person to whom you are not introduced is considered bad manners.

Remember an important rule: it is better to overdo it than to seem downright impolite. So, for example, in the worst case scenario, you will once again introduce people to each other who already know each other

But this is much less critical than not presenting them at all.

Gratitude: how and why?

Gratitude is an important component of positive communication behavior. It’s sad, looking around, to see how indifferent people have become, not bothering themselves with a basic “Thank you.” Moreover, you can expect gratitude from others and react sharply to its absence, while you yourself often forget about such a simple thing.

Make it a habit to thank people even for ordinary everyday situations, for example:

• An invitation to go somewhere. It doesn't matter whether you accepted or rejected it.
• A gift, no matter how small.
• Time spent visiting or in the company of another person, etc.

It would be appropriate to express gratitude in person. If this is not possible, try to do this by phone or by mail. And in no case should you expect that “they themselves know how grateful I am to them.” By thanking, you will not make any mistake, but by neglecting, you will be completely wrong.

Communication styles

The image that a person intentionally or unintentionally demonstrates is the manner of communication. In different situations, a person can wear different disguises. These are called communication styles. What are they?

• Disparaging. A person who wants to show his contempt for his interlocutor will demonstrate this with a mocking tone or obvious coldness of behavior. Disdain is visible when one person tries to quickly end a conversation, because he considers his interlocutor an unworthy type with whom it is not worth communicating.
• Comical. This style of communication is popular with friends. Friends can make fun of each other, throw witticisms and laugh together at the awkwardness that arises.
• Serious. When talking to a person, you can judge his manners. The communication style that the interlocutor chooses can tell a lot about him. If your opponent does not joke and does not give in to provocations, he wants to appear before you in the guise of a serious person. This style of communication is preferred in the business world.
• Flirty. A girl who is talking to a young man she likes can openly flirt with him. This style of communication is appropriate for both strangers and friends. But you need to keep in mind the environment in which the conversation takes place.
• Friendly. Two people who are mutually attracted will talk to each other in a friendly tone. They will joke, ask questions and listen carefully to their interlocutor.
• Business. This style of communication can be found in any organization. Subordinates communicate in a business style with their superiors, and they, in turn, communicate with the directors of the company.

Types of communication

The manner of communication is an indicator of a person’s upbringing. A person who knows how to behave in society demonstrates his good upbringing and education. What types of communication exist?

• Direct. When two people communicate with each other, a dialogue arises between them. This type of communication is the most common. Direct communication is not only a dialogue, but also a discussion. For example, at a conference of the board of directors, each of those present has the right to express their opinion on the topic raised.
• Indirect. This type of communication is much less common. A dialogue between two people or a conversation between several people takes place through an intermediary. This usually happens when interlocutors communicate in different languages ​​and use the services of a translator. But it also happens that people communicate in their native language through an intermediary. Such an incident can happen to those individuals who have had a serious fight and cannot stand each other’s company.

Personal habits

There is a general consensus that certain manners and habits are inappropriate. This point of view of people should be taken into account, even if you yourself do not share it. The rules include the following:

1. Use your hand to cover your mouth when you cough or yawn.
2. Use a tissue when you sneeze, or cover your nose with your hand if you don't have time to do otherwise. Don't pick your nose or sniffle.
3. Don't itch or pick anything out from under your nails - such actions create a repulsive impression.

The main idea: you should not do anything that is unpleasant to the people who are forced to watch it.

Appearance and cars

Ladies of high society pay special attention to their appearance, and above all, to their figure, which they are helped to maintain by daily visits to the gym, where they arrive in expensive tracksuits from Ralph Lauren or Tommy Hilfir.

VIP image is a stylization of naturalness. The cosmetics of wealthy ladies are natural and discreet.

Their professionally manicured nails are always neatly trimmed. Nail polish is chosen to match the lipstick.

The hairstyle certainly matches the general style of the woman. Moreover, the hair, usually shoulder length and natural color, looks as if the lady had just washed it and dried it with a hairdryer.

Rich ladies prefer cars from luxury brands. However, most chic women love to take a taxi, which is also prescribed by VIP etiquette!

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Rules of good manners: what are they and why are they needed?

Indeed, manners can be good, noble, worthy and, on the contrary, vulgar, vulgar and even stupid. You can give many more definitions, but I think you understand the meaning. A person is judged by his behavior and manners, as well as by his clothes. By the way, the latter can say much more about a person than the company that sewed your dress and designed your handbag.

Good manners are a consequence of education and self-improvement. Unfortunately, not everyone is vaccinated from early childhood in the family and at school. But at any age you can start working on yourself, developing a style of behavior worthy of a self-confident, intelligent and well-mannered girl.

What/who are good manners for? First of all, you need them yourself. So that you won’t be ashamed not only to eat a hamburger at McDonald’s, but also to go to the theater, to a luxurious restaurant in an unfamiliar company, or to a social event, where paparazzi with cameras are scurrying around and “hot shots” are waiting. Thanks to decent manners, you can get a higher-paid, prestigious position (like the dress code, in serious companies there are recommendations and prohibitions on “wrong” behavior), win a respectable, respected man, and make useful and successful acquaintances in different circles.

VIP accessories

An elegant woman is also distinguished by high-quality shoes, for example, today’s fashionable black and beige high-heeled shoes from Chanel, which are in perfect harmony with any suit.

Classic shoes from Stephanie Kelen or Ferragamo are no less popular among ladies with sophisticated taste. And for walks, rich fashionistas choose soft suede shoes without heels and Tods.

VIP accessories – wristwatches, jewelry and bags – are also of great importance.

As a rule, the wives of ministers or large businessmen buy watches or Rolex, but only the old model.

However, the most luxurious ladies love to show off in gold watches from Tan Français or Cartier.

They decorate their fingers with two or three modest rings with diamonds or emeralds from Cartier.

As for handbags, aristocrats, like half a century ago, prefer the Kelly Bag model from Hermes.

VIP accessories from Gucci, Chanel and Dior are still popular. For long car trips, rich women use a modest leather bag from Hermes, and certainly a worn one.

In this way they try to demonstrate the ancient origin of their wealth. And for air travel there is a nylon bag with leather trim from Gucci.

The elegant and expensive contents of a wealthy lady’s handbag usually consist of a miniature bottle of Chanel or Mitsuko perfume in a velvet case, lipstick and powder compact from Shiseido, a leather-bound calendar notebook and a fountain pen.

Bad manners

• Keep yourself in the spotlight. A person loves to talk about himself. But if you want to be a polite person, then you shouldn't do this. Talk about others. Let them feel that you care about their opinions and their life story.
• Gossip. Do you want to be known as a cultured person? Then get rid of the habit of gossiping. Do not pass rumors on to others and interrupt your interlocutor if he tells you false facts about the lives of your mutual friends.
• Mat. A person's culture is known by the way he speaks. If a person cannot connect two words without swearing, it means that this person’s vocabulary is surprisingly poor.
• Increased tone. If you want to earn a person's trust and sympathy, you should not shout. You can prove your opinion in a quiet and calm tone. If a person breaks down, it means that he has run out of arguments and he uses the only remaining remedy - intimidating his opponent.
• Neglect. Don’t show a person that you don’t like him, it’s not nice. All people had different upbringings and different fates. You shouldn’t treat someone less fortunate than you badly.

Manner of speech and style of speech

This concept includes the ability to communicate in the broadest sense of the word. This includes the tone of the narration, gestures, and literacy of speech, as well as the ability not only to speak, but also to listen to the interlocutor.

If a person uses filler words during a conversation and interrupts another without allowing him to finish his thought, then he is considered to have bad manners. If his speech is competent and restrained, and he skillfully controls body language, then such a person will definitely make a good impression.

The concept of “communication manners” includes:

Communication manners vary: from dismissive or playful to serious and embittered. All of them, one way or another, are inextricably linked with the concept of “style”.

The emotional atmosphere, as well as the correct means of speech chosen to convey information, depend on it. There are some techniques that characterize the conversational style:

These are examples of using good speech techniques to arouse keen interest in the interlocutor. But here it is important not to forget about voice, intonation, diction (don’t swallow words), tonality.

Due to these components, expressiveness of speech is achieved. Facial expressions and gestures play an important role; they are an integral element of communication.

Declension of the noun manner