Bowlby's Attachment Theory: 4 Phases of Development

The first scientist to discover that attachment to an adult who cares for him is vital for a child was the English psychiatrist and psychoanalyst John Bowlby, who became interested in ethology - the science of genetically determined behavior of animals and people. If we abstract from all the sentiments associated with parent-child love, it becomes clear that it has an important function for the survival of the species: it will be very good if the parents do not eat or at least kill their own offspring, which requires some additional efforts on the part of nature ( for example, therefore, during childbirth and during feeding, a woman’s level of oxytocin, which is responsible for emotional attachment to the child, increases).

Psychoanalysts believed that the baby maintains a relationship with its mother simply to satisfy physical needs, but Bowlby added a social component to this. Attachment to a significant adult is a testing ground on which the ability to establish social relationships is honed and the degree of basic trust in the world is determined. The child has about two years to do this - up to the age of two months, babies smile, babble and cry to attract the attention of any adult, from two to six they learn to distinguish between adults and choose the most significant among them, and after six months a stable attachment begins to form . Since the baby, purely technically, cannot leave the relationship with his parents, he has to adapt to any attitude from an adult, including coldness, rejection or unpredictable behavior. Psychologist Mary Ainsworth, who shared Bowlby's ideas, explored how these experiences affected attachment patterns in the 1960s and 1970s. Her famous experiment was called the “Stranger Situation”: first, infants and their mothers were observed at home, assessing how the mother responded to various “call signs” from the child. At the age of one to one and a half years, children with their mothers were invited to a specially equipped laboratory, where different situations were simulated: the presence of the mother and separation from her, as well as the appearance of a stranger. The researchers were interested in how much the child would be disturbed by the absence of his mother, how boldly he would be ready to explore a new situation, how he would react to a stranger and the subsequent return of the mother. As a result, Ainsworth identified four main types of attachment:

Reliable. Such children are confident that their mother can satisfy their needs, and they reach out to her for help when faced with something unpleasant. At the same time, they feel protected enough to explore the environment, realizing that adults will certainly come to the rescue in case of danger. In the future, such a child will value love and trust, but at the same time remain quite independent and self-confident.
Anxiety-resistant. It is formed when the child is not sure that the mother or other significant adult will be there when he is needed. Therefore, such children react sharply to separation, are wary of strangers and are not very ready to act independently because they do not feel completely safe. It is interesting that such a child develops an ambiguous reaction to the return of his mother: he is both happy about this return and angry that he was abandoned. Such children grow up unsure of themselves and in their relationships with other people; they often need confirmation of reciprocity too much.
Anxious-avoidant. These are the most independent children who are not particularly upset by the absence of their mother. Such infants early encountered coldness or rejection from their caring adults. Unlike the previous type, here the child does not have an excessive need for attention and care - on the contrary, he stops waiting for it. These children learn that the need for intimacy leads to disappointment, and they try to do without it in the future.
Disorganized. Such children demonstrate contradictory behavior; they are sometimes drawn to adults, sometimes they are afraid, sometimes they rebel. As a rule, this style of behavior is associated with serious psychological trauma.

Authors of the concept

First of all, it is worth mentioning the names of scientists who made the most significant contribution to attachment theory.

Conrad Lawrence, based on a study of the instinctive behavior of animals, described the phenomenon of imprinting: “Whoever the baby saw first from the moment of birth is his mother!” The relentless pursuit of duckling after duck is an instinctive program for the survival of the species. Adult animals also have an instinctive program: “If you see a little one, feed and warm it!” There are cases when this care program extends to cubs of another species. According to legend, the Capitoline she-wolf fed Romulus and Remus.

Donald Winicotte invented the concept of the “good enough mother.” Such a mother is physically and psychologically available, emotionally friendly and stable, and provides the baby with the resources necessary for survival (care, feeding, communication, care, and much more).

John Bowlby believed that attachment —a child's emotional connection with a significant adult—is key to a child's survival, safety, comfort, and development. It is important for a child that his mother or another adult is nearby and is ready not only to take care of him, but also to emotionally support him. Attachment is a kind of child’s knowledge that an adult is reliable and provides support for subsequent knowledge of the world.

Winicott, Bowlby, and Ainsworth, based on numerous observations and studies, described different styles of attachment of a child to his mother.

Dynamics of attachment development

Since the time of psychoanalysis, human development has been viewed as a movement from the state of a passive object of other people's desires to the state of an active subject capable of realizing his own desires. From helplessness and total dependence to the state of being the creator of your own life.

Many consider complete separation from parents and guardians, autonomy and independence to be one of the criteria for maturity and mental health of an individual. And such a phenomenon as attachment is attributed more likely to the period of childhood. A child cannot develop without emotional attachment to his parents; he needs it like air. But an adult can do without attachment, he is not a child, he must be independent and independent.

In fact, the need for affection develops along with a person. A newborn baby needs one form of attachment to survive (regular care, feeding, warmth, security and much more), but an adult needs a completely different attachment.

Comfortable contact with your immediate environment is also vital for an adult. Only this is no longer a one-sided consumption of parental care, like a child, but mutually beneficial cooperation and the exchange of various types of mutual support of people of equal status.

Remember yourself as a child. Year by year you became more and more independent, but your need for contact with an adult remained.

The situation changes a lot over time. Mom was young and big, but she became old and weak. The child was small and weak, but became big and independent. But the attachment remains. Only this attachment is filled with a completely different content.

If parents and the child manage to adapt to each other, maintain respect and flexibility instead of isolation and disunity (“I don’t care what happens to you!”), a new quality of attachment will grow.

Agree, with age, a child’s needs change significantly: at first he needed mother’s milk, warmth and care, and then he has to learn important skills: from the ability to tie shoelaces to the ability to maintain comfortable relationships with others.

In the end, an important adult provides moral guidance for the child, shows what is right and wrong. “The little son came to his father, and the little one asked what is good and what is bad!” The resources of an adult that can be transferred to a child are inexhaustible. A child’s attachment to an adult does not disappear; it can change significantly.

In other words, the separation does not have to be completed at all. In people who have become adults, relationships with parents can develop into relationships of cooperation, friendship and mutual assistance. Once a child has grown up and reached the level of an adult who is able to earn money on his own, make important decisions himself, be an expert and creator of his own life, he still needs the support of his parents. But completely different. It is important for him to receive recognition and respect from his parents, to receive confirmation that he is a full-fledged respected person.

Types of attachments

Psychologist M. Ainsworth conducted an unusual experiment, which revealed that young children behave differently depending on the type of attachment they have formed to their mother. The kids were left alone for some time with a stranger in an unfamiliar room. Then the mothers returned to the room, and the researchers recorded the children’s further reactions.

Some children behaved calmly and reservedly in the presence of a stranger. There was practically no reaction to my mother’s return. Psychologists believe that this behavior in children is associated with avoidant type of attachment. If the mother is usually cold with the child, he is afraid of being rejected again, so he himself does not show emotions.
The second type of attachment was called anxious-resistant . The child cries and is afraid to be left without his mother, and when she returns, he does not know whether to be happy or angry. This type of attachment is usually formed when parents tend to show aggression towards the baby, and then, under the influence of feelings of guilt, cajole and pamper him.
The third type is secure attachment . When their mother leaves, children become more anxious and restless. When a loved one returns, the child experiences joy. This is the most favorable option for the development of attachment.

Later, M. Main and S. Asch identified another type of attachment, which was called disorganized. It is formed in children whose parents are not responsive and do not satisfy their needs for care. Also, this type of attachment is usually formed in children who have been subjected to abuse and violence from loved ones.

In life you rarely encounter these “pure” types of attachments. Most often, mixed types are observed, in which one or another type of relationship between mother and child predominates.

conclusions

Attachment development occurs early in life but has an impact throughout a person's life. In order for a child to develop harmoniously in the future, love himself and be happy in relationships with other people, it is important to form his basic trust in the world. Caring for the baby, responsiveness and emotional participation in the life of the baby, forms a reliable attachment to a loved one. This is the basis for strong and trusting relationships in the future.

Refrain from discipline that divides

Disciplinary practices based on the separation of a child from his significant adult lead to a loss of a sense of closeness, force the child to “close himself off” and, as a result, avoid strong attachment in the future. Discipline methods such as standing in the corner, banishment to another room, time-outs, or “I’ll go, and you stay if you don’t listen,” “Now a stranger will come and take you away” manipulate the most important feelings of love and security and can deeply injure a child.

Of course, children can make anyone angry, and you have every right to be negative and irritated, but let your child feel safe. After an argument, explain that you are upset and want to be alone. Plan a 10-minute walk longer so your little builder can finish his sand castle without being pushed. Avoid the store where your child will definitely demand the twentieth car, and order groceries for home delivery. In a word, save your resource for really serious situations - for example, when your kid blows up the chemistry laboratory at school for the first time or announces that he has decided to get married.

Analogy with imprinting

Imprinting is considered to be the assimilation by animals of stimuli that activate their social instincts. K. Lorenz discovered that ducklings follow a moving object after their birth, and it does not matter whether it is a mother duck or human legs. The other side of the coin of the imprinting process is selectivity - that is, once choosing an object identified with the mother, the ducklings continue to consider it as such and are no longer able to relearn.

Analogies can be drawn with human behavior, only this is not connected with movement, but with addressing socially conditioned reactions. Over the years, imprinting in a person becomes stronger, and the circle of people positioned by the child as authority figures becomes clearly defined.

Keep in touch from a distance

Help your child maintain a sense of closeness while you are apart. Gordon Neufeld calls this practice “bridging.” These are intuitive actions that are accessible and used by the majority. An example would be lovers maintaining a long-distance connection with the help of cute notes, a memorable accessory, or matching clothes.

Give your child the opportunity to build the same bridge, give him your photo or an object that is significant for both of you, put a note in his briefcase. Another way to maintain closeness is to keep your child aware of where you are when you are not around. Show him your workplace, mark your route on the map if you are leaving for a long time.

When leaving home or leaving your child at daycare, say, “I can’t wait until I get home so we can play together.” This way you will focus your attention not on the breakup, but on the next meeting.

The practice of bridge-building can be useful not only in the case of separation, but also when you or your child are upset, angry, or heatedly discuss his unwanted behavior, for example, “I'm unhappy with your grades, but I love you regardless.”

Let your child never doubt your love, no matter what happens.