Any situation, event, impression in a person is accompanied by emotion. Psychologists understand by this word the experience of one’s relationship to what is happening, the past, or what may happen. In ordinary speech, the word “emotion” is interpreted more broadly: the mental component – experience, is complemented by the physiological – accompanying changes in the body. There are people who naturally experience weak emotions, but if desired, you can develop emotionality.
Emotion performs important functions:
- it encourages action and regulates behavior. It happens that under the influence of emotions, thinking turns off - then you act without realizing what you are doing. This is a motivational function;
- an expressed emotion allows you to understand a person without knowing his language. This is a communicative function;
- expressive movements and facial expressions that reflect emotion allow you to inform others about your needs, warn them of impending danger or, conversely, pleasure. This is a signaling function;
- the protective function allows a person to escape from danger. Under the influence of emotion, one or another hormone will be released into the blood and the person will freeze or run. These mechanisms have been developed over thousands of years of evolution and are still strong.
What is emotionality
In psychology, emotionality characterizes the quality, content and dynamics of emotions. It can be strong when emotions are clearly expressed, or it can be weak when an event leaves no trace in a person’s soul or when this trace is not noticeable to others.
People who are far from psychology understand emotionality as emotions expressed clearly and noticeably to others. A person with direct, living perception is called emotional.
Schizophrenogenic family
One of the most unfavorable methods of upbringing, which suppresses the emotional and personal development of a child, is control and overprotection. The main character in the crumbling world of the little man is the so-called “schizophrenogenic mother.” This definition is put in quotation marks because in fact the mother does not suffer from any mental disorder - this term was coined to refer to a special type of behavior in which the mother communicates with the child using “double messages”. For example, a mother tells her child to choose a toy for himself. At the same time, she has already made a choice for him - no matter what toy he points to, his choice will be called inappropriate and stupid. Or the mother may blame her daughter for not paying enough attention to her. But when her daughter tries to hug her, she will call her “sticky.”
It has been established that this type of communication can seriously affect the mental development of a child and cause the development of schizophrenia. Usually this is a very anxious and domineering mother who strives to control the life of her son or daughter to the smallest detail. She perceives the child as property. There is practically no criticism of her behavior - the child must eat when she wants, wear things at her orders, and even feel what is acceptable.
Psychologist E. Kretschmer called schizoid children “a joy for any mother.” Such a child will always be obedient and follow the instructions of his parents in his actions. In 1976, scientist Eidemiller studied emotional and personal development in adolescence in patients with schizophrenia. It turned out that about 70% of adolescents suffering from schizophrenia grew up in families that were called pseudo-solidarity. In them, communication took place using “double messages.” In parallel, healthy families took part in the study. It turned out that in families of healthy teenagers, mothers practically did not use control and overprotection in communication, were distinguished by a critical perception of reality, and also refrained from double messages. The emotional and personal development of such children proceeded harmoniously.
Features of the development of emotions in children
A person is not born with a ready-made set of emotions - emotions develop throughout life, they turn from simple to complex, and their number increases. The most global emotional development occurs in early childhood.
The first emotions appear in an infant in connection with the satisfaction or non-satisfaction of his initial needs. He feels pleasure when he is full, when he is comfortable. If a child is cold or hot, if he cannot sleep or is hungry, then he feels dissatisfied.
As a child gets older, his emotions become more complex and develop through play and exploratory behavior. At the first stage of emotional development, the baby receives pleasure when he achieves a result. Then the game itself begins to bring joy - here emotions are associated with the course of the activity process, but not with its completion.
The child grows and learns to anticipate this emotional palette. In this version of development, emotions arise at the beginning of the action, and the result and process of execution are not the main thing for it. This is the moment of connection between emotion and intellect; in this case, both the consequences and results of a future action and its general meaning with the intended experiences are assessed.
By school age, emotions become more complex, they take on a broader meaning, different experiences unite or fight with each other. This development of emotions and feelings in preschool children and primary schoolchildren leads to the emergence of the inner side of the child’s life. Emotions still arise from situations, relationships existing in the external world. But their interpretation in the mind, descriptive “pictures” about them are formed under the influence of the child’s level of desires. This internal logic also determines which events the child is involved in and which ones he ignores, and how he behaves.
The separation of internal and external life is a sign of a child’s readiness for school. Communication with the teacher and the staff in the classroom, educational activities require restraining your feelings and not splashing them out on others. At first it is difficult for a child, because a preschooler usually accompanies his emotions with facial expressions, body movements, and interjections. For him, this is one of the means of communication, because the role of aesthetic emotions in the development of a child’s personality is enormous. And in elementary school, these motor reactions begin to gradually be replaced by speech ones. By the end of primary school, the child’s speech becomes noticeably more expressive, and intonations become richer. The younger schoolchild learns to cope with anxiety - to keep it to himself. He can now put aside his desires, obey the teacher’s demands and concentrate on his studies.
Emotional and mental development of personality
Emotional (mental) development is the development of the ability to feel, experience, respond to the emotional state of other people, and experience empathy. Empathy is not directly related to emotionality: there are people with developed empathy, but not emotional at all. At the same time, the development of empathy usually results in the development of emotionality. Empathy gives more reasons for feelings and emotions - hence greater emotionality. In addition, a sensitive, empathic person is more often given the title “emotional”, although in fact he is simply sensitive and responsive, and not emotional. Therefore, I prefer to talk about mental rather than emotional development. Although these are close, they are not identical concepts. Empathy has no direct relation to emotional development, but occupies one of the central places in mental development. A sincere person is a person who knows how to put himself in the place of other people and is responsive to their condition.
Thus, two components of mental development can be distinguished:
- empathy;
- development of good emotions.
Precisely good ones, not evil ones. Dividing emotions into positive and negative in this case does not reflect the essence of what should be developed. If I feel fear for the fate of loved ones or hatred for those who prevent us from living and developing normally, these are, although negative, but at the same time good emotions, the kind that a normal, sincere person should have, and if I experience joy at the sight of the suffering of another person - these are evil emotions that have nothing to do with the spiritual development of the individual.
How to develop empathy if you initially lack it? Learn to understand your feelings first, analyze them, ask yourself questions about why you experience this or that emotion. It is better to do this in the evening, remembering the past day. Be more attentive to your partners, learn to notice their emotional reactions to your words and actions. You can practice this by watching films and analyzing the feelings of the characters and their external manifestations. Try to put yourself in the shoes of your partner, friend, colleague and try to understand his problem, feel his emotions. Think about what would upset you personally and what would make you happy? But at the same time, remember that all people are different, and what may please one may well upset another. Therefore, try to “get used to” the image of another person, try to understand what can upset him and what can make him happy?
Now let's talk about the development of emotionality itself. To put it simply, emotions are an attitude towards what is perceived. How to develop in this direction? If you feel that everything is bad with your emotionality, start with something simple. Color, taste, smell, sound - basic sensory. What's your favorite color? Usually this question does not cause difficulties for anyone. Everyone likes some color more than others. Of course, we are not talking about what color suits clothes, but about what color you like. For example, I like bright red, although I avoid it in clothes, realizing that, especially in our Siberian climate, it will look too extravagant.
In general, if you are going to develop emotions, then get used to immediately forming an attitude towards everything. Which color is more pleasant to look at? What shade causes a state of joy? Surround yourself with this color. Here, of course, you need to follow common sense, because not everyone has the opportunity to paint, for example, the ceiling black without conflicts with loved ones who may misunderstand your efforts to develop emotions. When you look at your favorite color, you distinguish precisely this perception - “ like ”. This is the emotion you are looking for - try to remember it as accurately as possible. Same with tastes, smells, sounds. Write yourself a list of your favorite sensations and return to them regularly to train your emotionality. Emotions are trained in the same way as muscles - the more regularly you experience a pleasant emotion, the stronger your ability to experience it, and the more things you begin to like around you. If you do this regularly, you will see that your sympathies expand. After all, you don’t like just one color. There are probably other favorite colors and shades. And you can create a hierarchy of what you like more and what you like less. You can do the same with tastes and smells.
This is the first step in developing emotions. When you have clearly compiled a list of what you like in life from basic colors, tastes, smells and sounds, move on to things and objects. Here is a nice sofa, and this chair is also okay, but I like it less. When you form a habit, you will notice that the world begins to paint in new colors, and there are gradually more and more emotions in life. Then you can move on to emotions from communicating with people. But people broadcast their emotions to us, and if the table and chair can be contemplated “purely” enough, then communication with a person will constantly leave an imprint on his emotions.
Therefore, approach the formation of your attitude towards people much more carefully in order to distinguish where your emotions are and where theirs are. As soon as you have a free moment, do a simple exercise - look around, notice what you see, and form an emotional attitude. If this does not seem sufficient to you to develop emotionality, you can do special emotional gymnastics for 10–15 minutes a day. Emotional gymnastics is the practice of various emotions, emotional states - admiration, surprise, joy, anger, sadness, etc. Every emotion should be as sincere and believable as possible. Of course, you need to strive for positive experiences, so start shaping your life and environment in such a way that you surround yourself with pleasant things and people. One of the most positive emotions is gratitude. It can completely change a person’s inner state and attract even more into life for which he is grateful. This emotion can help you become happy, rich and successful. Unfortunately, most often people think about what they lack and do not know how to be grateful for what fate has given them. You need to be grateful not only for all the good things that happen, but also for bitter experiences and life lessons. When you are unhappy with something, you experience negative emotions, thereby attracting them even more into your life. And, conversely, when gratitude takes pride of place in your life, good mood and prosperity become part of it. If you are grateful, you will begin to receive more gifts from fate, this is facilitated by the law of attraction. Be grateful for everything, but do not stop on the path to achieving new heights. Be sure to thank (at least mentally) for the little things. After all, they are our life. Learn to enjoy the simplest things. Carry out your simple duties with pleasure. Get yourself a special notebook and write down in it what you are grateful to fate, those around you, family, friends, etc., as well as what you want to be grateful to them for in the future. Return to this list every day. Soon you will begin to notice how things will go uphill, you will begin to concentrate on the good, you will stop feeling sorry for yourself and complaining about life. By living with gratitude, you attract wealth and abundance into your life. Think less about what you lack, and give thanks for what you have and want to have. By experiencing genuine gratitude over and over again, you will become happier, more inspired and cheerful. This feeling will help you achieve success. If you want your wishes to come true and your life to improve, communicate with the world in the language of gratitude!
But there is one more nuance. We said that we should develop in ourselves, first of all, positive emotions, positive experiences. But let’s say I see a man beating a woman. Try, as some psychologists advise, to change your perception and develop a positive attitude towards what is happening? Hardly. Firstly, negative emotions are most appropriate here, and secondly, you should not limit yourself to negative emotions, but intervene and stop the outrage. Now a milder example: someone smokes in the wrong place, someone crosses the street in the wrong place, etc. It’s probably not worth interfering (although you can intervene in these cases if you wish), but negative emotions would be more appropriate here too. And now here is an example, seemingly similar, but seemingly not similar to the previous ones. I see a guy in a bright red car, a woman who has dyed her hair an unnatural color, young people dressed extravagantly and, in my opinion, indecently. Many will say that negative emotions are also appropriate here: “Only women drive red cars; no self-respecting boy would drive a red car!”, “You should have shaved half your head, you fool!”, “I should rip you all out with a belt and army! Stop! Do you see the difference with the previous examples? I see. Therefore, here we really change the mood to a positive one. “What a great guy, he doesn’t live by stereotypes, I’ll be happy for him and I’ll follow his example!”, “He’s a smart girl, she’s not afraid to experiment with her appearance, even if the experiment was unsuccessful, without trying, you won’t know!”, “We were young and They also liked to provoke adults, this is normal behavior for young people.” Although there is something else in the above examples, if you look at them very deeply. Let's remember what we just talked about empathy. An empathetic person will probably feel that a red car, bright and extravagant colors in hair and clothing most likely indicate that a person wants to attract attention to himself, and this can come from loneliness, from lack of communication, from complexes, from problems , from self-doubt. You should sympathize with such a person, at a minimum, privately, and at maximum - in words, deeds, actions; perhaps he really needs your help.
Thus, starting with the development of emotionality, one should expand and move on to the development of empathy, and even more broadly - to the development of sincerity - the ability to feel other people, understand them and help them to the best of one’s ability and ability.
Exercises for children
Childhood is the time when the foundation for the harmonious development of emotionality is laid. To develop as a person, it is important to be aware of your feelings. To communicate, you need to understand the state of your interlocutor. Like language, a child learns this on his own, literally grasping it out of thin air. But still, you should not let the development of the emotional sphere take its course.
To help your child develop their emotional sphere:
- first of all, do not isolate yourself from your child with gadgets, talk to him more about everything;
- while the child is very small, speak out his emotions for him, tell him how to cope with them;
- when the child has grown up, regularly ask him how he feels at the moment, what he liked in kindergarten today, and what upset him;
- encourage story-based games on various topics and didactic games to develop emotions;
- listen to music together and discuss it with your baby;
- read literature together, discuss the behavior of the hero, his motives, experiences;
- do not limit your child’s contacts with peers;
- Make sure that the child’s feelings are not confined purely to personal experiences, but can be realized in specific actions;
- encourage work that can be useful to others;
- develop empathy in your child.
The end of attachment for parent and child
The first stage of separation from the mother occurs at the age of three - at this stage the child makes a significant leap in development, he is separated from the original infant unity with the mother. But this separation is not yet final. Emotional and personal development in adolescence, on the contrary, includes complete psychological separation from the parental nest. Relationships with parents are vitally important for a child, but in adolescence, separation occurs, the final disappointment in the omnipotence of father and mother. They say that “being an adult means doing as you see fit, even if your parents advise you to do the same.”
Personal maturity is preceded by a stage in which a teenager strives to act contrary to the authority of his parents in everything. The concept of “adolescence” arose relatively recently - the word “teenager” was first mentioned in Dostoevsky’s novel of the same name. In ancient society, a person who reached puberty became a full member of society - he received the right to vote, made vital decisions for himself, and worked. In many cultures, puberty was accompanied by an initiation rite, after which the “adolescent” did not return to the parental home.
Emotional and personal development accelerates in adolescence: the child suddenly comes to the realization that he and his parents are different people with different tastes and life positions. The teenager considers his opinion to be the only correct one, and the opinion of his parents as hopelessly outdated. Although separation from parents is a painful process for a teenager, it is also difficult for mother and father. After all, before that they lived only “for the sake of the children.” Now they can find themselves in a completely empty place - difficulties with work, the marriage is destroyed, and now the parental role is lost. The main recommendation that can be given to parents of a child at a “difficult age” is to pay attention to their own lives. The children have grown up, and now it is much easier to do this - you can learn new things, realize yourself in different areas.
Child in a foster family
Adopted children - like all others - can have different personalities. Some are mobile and active, others are quiet; some are harmful and disobedient, others are docile. But they all have one thing in common: the biography of an adopted child always begins with a tragedy. Then this tragedy can be replaced with pleasant memories. But at the beginning of the story there is always parting with the closest people. This trauma significantly predetermines the further mental development of the adopted child.
Parents are tormented by the same questions: should they reveal the secret to him or not? How to explain to a child the fact that the people closest to him abandoned him? Is it worth having this conversation at all? Will he stop loving us? There are no clear answers to these questions. Historically, there have always been many orphans in Russia. They were taken in by relatives and, in extreme cases, by neighbors. In one family, adopted children grew up surrounded by care and love. In another, they were an object of contempt. But the fact of adoption was never hidden from them. Only in some cases was adoption kept secret - for example, when they wanted to hide an inheritance from a child. Some cultures are known for having various adoption rituals and special attitudes toward adopted children. Many of the heroes of various legends are often “strangers,” descendants of unknown spirits.
There is a fairly tough game among teenagers called “Truth or Consequences.” One of the participants who received the lot must choose from two options. He either honestly answers any question posed by members of the company - and the questions of teenagers are usually provocative, because they love extreme experiences; or unconditionally carries out any order. This is a game that foster parents have to play all the time. Orphans who did not know the secret of their origins and who had never set foot in a psychologist's office often described their emotional and personal development using the same metaphors: “I always felt like I had lost something, but I couldn’t figure out what,” “I don’t understand where my life begins,” “I don’t feel happy with my child.”
Orphanhood: the social situation before and now
But in the last two centuries, the world began to change, and with it the attitude towards orphanhood. The fate of the abandoned child was no longer of interest to the community. Other public organizations began to deal with it - the church, politicians, and the state. There are children who are not attached to the family - “nobody’s”. These were those whose parents went bankrupt in the big city and did not have the opportunity to return to the village, to their home; illegitimate children and children of those convicted of crimes. If earlier the life of an orphaned child was an “evil fate” for those around him, his misfortune, now the concept of “bad roots” has appeared. Orphanhood has become a shameful fact, a constant source of feelings of shame and guilt.
The institution of marriage has also changed. The modern average family has a life philosophy of “One family - one home”; it is called nuclear. Once upon a time, a lonely, childless woman had the opportunity to realize her maternal instinct - she babysat her nephews and children of other families. At the same time, she was respected by society. Now the situation has changed, and single women have completely different interests. The position of men became no less uncertain. If earlier he worked for the good of the family, now it is not clear to a childless man who will receive all the wealth he has acquired. And is it necessary to work at all to earn it - after all, you won’t take what you earn with you to the grave?
Urban reality gave rise to a feeling of personal “inferiority” among those families who remained childless. It was intensified by the fact that there were “normal” nuclear families around. This was the emotional background against which the adoption procedure began to take place. On one side of the scale there were internal doubts, on the other - the orphan’s “shameful” ancestors. It is therefore not surprising that the idea of a secret adoption was born. This state of affairs reached its maximum in the post-war years - because then the number of orphans and illegitimate children was huge. Among other things, there was a large number of illegitimate children “from opponents” who were born due to violent contacts. Despite the fact that the USSR was considered a secular state, free from prejudices, the fact of origin from “enemies of the people” was hidden from such children.
The only child in the family
Most adults who once grew up as the only children of their parents feel safe and secure in their life's journey. An only child receives all the attention of his parents - but the demands placed on him are higher. His father and mother expect him to fulfill their best hopes.
Also, an only child is more susceptible to the standards demonstrated by parents - individualization of acquired qualities occurs very quickly. The son strives to adopt his father's manners and keeps his word no worse than his parent. An only child can always count on help from his parents, and enjoys using it. But this is also the disadvantage of raising an only child. He will demand help when needed and when not, manipulate his weakness. The mental, emotional and personal development of the child occurs faster - after all, he communicates a lot with adults.
A child growing up without brothers and sisters feels like the sun, around which the planets - other family members - rotate harmoniously. When he gets into the school environment, for the first time he begins to compare himself with others, which often turns out to be painful. An only child surrounded by overprotective adults risks either growing up too shy or remaining a selfish despot.
These children actually desperately need to interact with other relatives their age - for example, with cousins. From an early age, it is necessary to cultivate in him the ability to respect elders - grandparents. No matter how much one would like to protect the “favorite of the family” from all the troubles of the surrounding world, an only child cannot be raised in “greenhouse conditions.” This applies to both young children and teenagers. Children need dialogue with the outside world without constantly looking at their parents. Harmonious emotional and personal development in adolescence presupposes that parents provide even more freedom to their child. After all, adolescence is the period when a growing child must learn to make his own choices and take responsibility for them.
