Every person experiences anxiety before making important decisions (change of job or place of residence, wedding or divorce, choice of school, etc.). We weigh the pros and cons, try to predict the development of events after making this or that decision, and figure out how we will cope with possible difficulties. And in the end we choose. But there are people among us who are pathologically afraid to make decisions, they are not ready to take responsibility for their lives, they are unsure of themselves, and have not decided on their life. Why this happens and what to do about it - let's figure it out.
Reasons for development
What is decidophobia? This is the fear of decision-making and the fear of action. It arises due to a suppressed, undeveloped emotional-volitional sphere of the personality. This, in turn, can happen for several reasons.
What leads to suppression of the emotional-volitional sphere:
- Overprotective parenting style. The child’s wishes are guessed, any requests are fulfilled, the child has no responsibilities or assignments.
- Constant help from parents, solving problems for the child.
- Authoritarian parenting style. The child’s opinion is of no interest to anyone, the parents themselves choose clubs, social circles, etc., the child is obliged to obey in everything.
- Punishments, criticism and nagging, high expectations and demands. The child loses the incentive to do something and develops a fear of making mistakes.
- Loser scenario. If parents constantly tell a child that he won’t succeed, that he is mediocre, that he can’t do anything, then sooner or later the child himself will begin to think so. He is convinced that any decision he makes will be wrong.
- Dependence on other people's opinions, statements. Follows from dependent relationships (overprotection, tyranny). The child does not know how to make independent decisions, is accustomed to following the majority, or is accustomed to the fact that another person makes decisions for him.
- Frequent changes. If parents often moved, separated and got back together, transferred the child from one school to another, etc., then due to stress he could develop a behavior pattern such as submission, submissive silence and following adults.
- Personal psychotrauma. Fear can be caused by a situation where a person has made a decision that has had dire consequences.
The sensitive period for the development of will is 8–12 years. At this time, a person can already make decisions independently and bear responsibility for them, plan his actions, and organize activities. But for this, the child needs the support of his parents and unobtrusive control on their part. If a child is suppressed or for reasons of care they do everything for him, then the will and strength of character are not formed. The child grows up infantile and dependent.
Fear of decision-making and fear of action are associated with passivity, uncertainty, and the inability to prioritize and set goals. Defidophobia is a manifestation of infantilism. Behind it lies the fear of failure, fear of criticism and evaluation, fear of responsibility, fear of disgrace. A person is afraid of making the wrong decision, finding himself in an awkward situation, or being criticized.
It is important! Behind the fear of decision-making are other fears. This could be fear of failure, guilt, loneliness, responsibility, loss of freedom, punishment.
"The worst is yet to come"
This is the most common way of thinking that provokes anxiety. In this pattern, we ignore more likely scenarios and increase the worst possible outcome even if it has a low probability of occurring. This way of thinking is equivalent to focusing on a crooked tree branch and ignoring the surroundings.
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But many of our worries are just imaginary constructs living in the brain. We treat them as inevitable, although many of them are never realized.
Focus on taking reasonable precautions to protect yourself from the worst possible outcome. This can help you see what is within your sphere of control.
Manifestation of decidophobia
The specificity of a phobia is that a person experiences severe anxiety in those moments when he needs to make a decision, or at the thought that he will someday have to make a choice. At an early stage of development of a phobia, the patient can calmly consider different options and the consequences of making decisions, but panics immediately at the moment of the decisive choice. Therefore, the patient tries to delay this moment as much as possible, comes up with more and more options, finds new details and begins to analyze them.
In advanced stages, panic arises even when considering alternatives. The more advanced the phobia is, the more difficult it is for a person to make a choice. He cannot go to the store, order food in a cafe, or choose clothes on his own. In these situations, the patient is guided by the choices of other people.
It is important! It seems to a person that he is always doing something wrong. He is tormented by anxiety and fear of mistakes and consequences.
Avoidance of decision making
With decidophobia, there are two behavioral patterns: avoidance and shifting responsibility. In the first case, a person tries to avoid situations where decisions need to be made. Typically, this tactic leads to isolation and loneliness. The characteristics of this behavior depend on the severity of the phobia.
Passing the buck
This tactic is more common. The patient chooses a job where he is simply given instructions, asked to complete a task according to a strict algorithm or instructions. In relationships with friends or in love relationships, he always follows the lead of the majority or enters into a dependent relationship with one person.
Symptoms
During a panic attack, a person begins to feel dizzy and may feel nauseous, even to the point of vomiting and loss of consciousness. The heart is beating so fast that thoughts of a heart attack arise, because at the same time there is also a strong pounding in the chest.
Breathing becomes frequent and shallow, due to which the amount of oxygen in the blood becomes so large that a paradoxical thing happens - the person suffocates.
Which is even more frightening. After all, death from suffocation seems extremely painful and undesirable in principle, especially at the moment.
And getting even more frightened, he, accordingly, begins to gasp for air even more often, bringing himself to the point of hysterics. After all, the symptoms are only getting worse.
Blood pressure rises, stomach hurts, sweating increases. The brain perceives the cause of fear as a mortal danger, so it goes into “survival” mode.
Adrenaline is released into the blood so that the phobe can escape. What he happens and tries to do. Only the tunnel consciousness prevents us from adequately perceiving the surrounding reality.
A person is so absorbed in anxiety that he does not notice obstacles in his path, which is why he injures himself. For example, falling down the stairs or crashing into a wall.
There were situations when people simply “went out” out the window, their feelings were so overwhelming at such a moment that they were simply unable to orient themselves and saw only one way out, so to speak, a path to salvation from the room in which danger arose.
Overcoming Fear
The choice of treatment depends on the specifics of the phobia. If a person realizes the reason or can potentially realize it, then sessions of cognitive behavioral psychotherapy are necessary, that is, you need to work with rational components. If the patient does not understand the reason for the fear of acting, then one needs to work with the irrational components. Hypnosis is suitable for this.
Rational components
During psychotherapy sessions, a specialist helps the client explore the characteristics of a phobia. After this, relaxation and self-regulation methods are selected.
What you need to do to overcome a panic attack and get rid of the fear of making decisions:
- imagine the best case scenario;
- study all the advantages and disadvantages of the current situation, analyze all possible scenarios for the development of events;
- take lessons in courage and optimism from those who are used to coping with difficulties;
- praise yourself every day for some victory, give yourself at least one compliment;
- do not exaggerate, adequately assess difficulties and failures, look at them on the scale of your entire life;
- challenge yourself and purposefully overcome difficulties (development, a new step is a combination of goal and willpower);
- don’t dwell on mistakes, analyze them, draw conclusions and move forward.
It is important! If panic attacks cannot be controlled, then drug therapy with tranquilizers is first prescribed. After this, the medical history is studied, and rational methods for correcting the condition are selected individually.
Irrational components
Correction of irrational components, that is, what lies deep in the subconscious and forgotten by a person, is possible through immersion in a trance. With the help of hypnosis, a person is immersed in an intermediate state between sleep and reality. The specialist asks questions that help identify destructive attitudes. After which the hypnologist instills a new attitude towards old memories.
Ranging
First you need to think about the issues on which decisions are made. It is very important to be able to determine what is more important at the moment. Successful people often use rankings in accordance with their intended goals.
Also at this stage it is advisable to pay attention to your moral values. Then, if you fail, you can be proud that you remained true to your principles. This helps many people survive failure. It is much easier for them to analyze the results of their actions and then develop new plans.
How to get rid of a phobia
The phobia is treated with psychotherapy. Psychology methods such as hypnosis, psychoanalysis, relaxation, self-regulation methods, and cognitive behavioral psychotherapy are used. The success of treatment depends not only on the actions of the doctor, but also on the actions of the patient and the support of loved ones. It is important that a person praises and encourages himself, is active and is ready to face scary situations.
Self-training during an attack
How to overcome panic when making a decision yourself:
- Take a deep, slow breath, hold your breath for five seconds, and exhale deeply, slowly. Concentrate on breathing and counting. Repeat the exercise until your heartbeat returns to normal.
- Imagine a negative scenario of the consequences of the decision. Get rid of abstract horror, divide the threat into specific situations and think through options for solving problems. Now imagine a positive scenario, opportunities for growth, positive change. After that, remember the difficulties and overcoming them from the previous scenario, consider them as opportunities for growth.
- Tell yourself that any decision will be correct, there is no problem that you would not solve.
Use auto-training both when solving small everyday issues and when making major decisions.
Advice from psychologists and hypnosis
Hypnosis allows you to penetrate a person’s subconscious, quickly find destructive attitudes and change them. At the initial stage of the disease, one or two sessions will be enough. In a state of trance, blood pressure normalizes, muscles relax, breathing and heartbeat are restored. At this time, simultaneous relaxation and restoration of the entire body, especially the nervous system, occurs. Hypnosis not only allows you to change the client’s attitudes, but also helps you return to a traumatic situation, reconsider what happened, remember new circumstances, and change your attitude towards the past.
It is important! Psychologists ask people to seek treatment as early as possible and say that you can cope with the initial stage of the disease on your own. The main thing is that the client is aware of the problem and wants to get rid of it.
Other advice from psychologists:
- imagine a positive future, successfully overcoming difficulties;
- communicate with cheerful and strong people who can teach you how to overcome difficulties;
- celebrate even the smallest victory, praise yourself;
- realistically assess the size of the consequences (remember your last experience, which of what you thought of came true);
- perceive difficulties as opportunities, overcome them and develop, learn from your mistakes;
- regularly expand your comfort zone (learn new things, do something you couldn’t decide to do for a long time).
It is important! Treatment of phobias is aimed at working through psychological trauma, eliminating complexes and stereotypes, and developing confidence and courage. You need to change your entire thinking program, behavior and life scenario.
Decision making using the Cartesian square
Any person can face a difficult choice. Especially for such situations and for setting priorities, there is a psychological decision-making technique - the Descartes square.
How to use the technique:
- Take a blank sheet of paper and divide it into four parts.
- In each square, from left to right (counterclockwise), write four questions. What will happen if I do this? What won't happen if I do this? What won't happen if I don't do this? What happens if I don't do this?
- Answer each question in detail. You can interview those people who are also affected by the situation. Also write their answers in the squares.
This method allows you to evaluate all the advantages and disadvantages, risks and opportunities, pros and cons. But the problem is that this may not be enough for a person with a fear of making decisions. Even with a visual analysis, he may be overcome by the fear of making a decision.
conclusions
- Anxious thoughts are the brain's way of protecting us from potential threats. But this is why we may experience excessive anxiety.
- Changing your all-or-nothing or “the worst is yet to come” thinking patterns can reduce your anxiety levels.
- By breaking down problems into smaller, smaller pieces, you can deal with them better and faster.
So, when you feel anxious, take time to think about your mindset. Your thoughts may be based on faulty assumptions that fuel your anxiety.
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Consequences of decidophobia and the cost of indecision
The more advanced the phobia, the more noticeable it is in larger areas. Patients enter into dependent love relationships, get jobs where they just need to run errands. Some people cannot even make everyday choices, for example, they cannot decide what to cook for lunch. In such advanced cases, a person needs a guardian.
The patient's social circle consists of people who are older and more independent. As a rule, these are people with higher social status. In order to shift responsibility for their actions onto someone else, decidophobes surround themselves with strong-willed people or people with hyper-responsibility and a heightened sense of caring.
Decidophobes are accustomed to going with the flow, waiting for someone else to solve their problems, or for the situation to resolve itself. If there is no strong-willed person, then the patient can go to a fortune teller, magician, psychic, representatives of religious sects, etc. He is looking for some sign that will make a choice for him, decide his fate. The patient becomes an easy prey for scammers, he turns into a driven person, and cannot develop and self-realize.
The stress of life
Every day we make dozens of decisions. A person with decidophobia lives in constant stress and tension. He is frightened both by those situations in which decision-making is required and by the likelihood that such a situation will arise. Chronic stress and discomfort negatively affects mental and physical health. Secondary mental disorders and psychosomatic diseases arise.
Mismatch between internal and external
If you constantly trust another person to make vital decisions, then one day you may discover that life, work, relationships, hobbies do not correspond to your inner world. This is fraught with chronic dissatisfaction, cognitive dissonance, and intrapersonal conflict.
Stress
Unfortunately, some life situations can cause us stress. At the same time, you often have to figure out how to learn to make decisions. Everyone understands perfectly well that during times of stress, healthy thoughts do not come to mind. Therefore, it is absolutely unreasonable to decide something while being angry, irritated, upset.
It is extremely important to try to calm down quickly. To do this, you need to weigh the situation using the experience of past decisions, and also try to picture the future in your head. You will have to delve deeper into the business in which you are interested. To do this, you need to study all the facts and materials in order to better understand the essence. Finally, try to remain objective. It's better not to make hasty conclusions.
Comfort zone
…every problem has a solution. A very difficult problem may have a very expensive solution, but there is always one. Boris Akunin
We are afraid of changes, even if they are positive for us, because we do not know how life will change. The future is unknown and therefore scary. And then we become dependent on minimal amenities and comfort, even if we already want more. Even if the salary is 15,000, there are delays and you have to work a lot, but the team is good; who knows what I can expect from a new job? There's uncertainty there.
Solution: you look for the pros in the current situation and the cons in the future. Try doing the opposite. Then the motivation to act will increase. Go into fear.
Books
If you have difficulty making decisions, read special books. Some of them are practical aids. John Lehrer wrote a lot of useful advice in the book How We Make Decisions.
To cope with emotions, you can read the book “Thinking Traps” by Chip and Dan Heath.
To better understand your own body, which sometimes interferes with decision-making, you can read Talm Lobel's work “A Warm Cup on a Cold Day: How Physical Sensations Influence Our Decisions.”
Adviсe
When it comes to learning how to make decisions quickly, advice is often treated with skepticism. We all understand that not always tips can really help. But no one forces us to act as we are advised. You can simply listen to the recommendations. Sometimes a new idea arises based on tips from outsiders.
Plus, there are truly experienced people who can help. They may have encountered a similar situation before and understand the risks you may face.
Some decisions may affect your loved ones. This means that it is simply necessary to consult with them, because not everyone likes surprises.
Restrictions
How to learn to make decisions on your own? You can work on your discipline. It is extremely important to constantly set deadlines for yourself so that you can control your time and feel responsible.
Of course, this method may not work for everyone, since disorganized people often do not take deadlines seriously. If you are a very responsible person, then such a method will definitely help to consolidate your strong-willed decision with real conditions.
For many people, a timer works effectively because it does not allow you to relax, be lazy, or put off until a later date what can be done today. In addition, discipline develops a sense of confidence in a person.
