Hello, my darlings! Lyudmila Redkina is in touch. In this article I want to raise a rather banal, but very useful and relevant topic. In whose life there were no disappointments? This feeling is probably familiar to many. I was once so disappointed in a person that I couldn’t “pull myself together” for a long time. Sometimes we are simply upset about something, and sometimes we worry so much that we need to fill the spiritual emptiness with new emotions, habits, and people. And it is then that we decide to start a new life without the old one that drowns us. Together with you, we will look at how to start a new life and change yourself to become better.
Why start living in a new way?
Everyone knows the hackneyed phrase: “I’ll start on Monday...!”, “I’ll definitely start from the New Year...!” And each person has his own idea of what to start and why to start it. Everyone has the need to become better, to be recognized and loved, to one degree or another. Every person one day comes to the decision to change something in his life, because it cannot continue like this.
Serious changes in our lives come after we realize we are in a dead end, be it a relationship with a guy, terrible working conditions, living in a hated area, constant conflicts, etc.
It is in these crisis situations (and a person goes through several such crises in his life) that a desire arises to change everything for the better, to start life from scratch.
And that's great! But where to start? How to determine what exactly needs to be removed from your life? If it’s difficult to figure it out on your own, specialists – healers of human souls – are ready to help. But you can help yourself, you just have to listen to yourself and decide to change your life.
Reasons for wanting to reset your life
Everyone has their own reasons. Someone is simply bogged down in the everyday routine, tired of going to a job they don’t like and living a life that isn’t theirs. The realization could come that pleasure had become something exotic, and despondency and apathy had become a habit.
If you don’t take control of everything in time and start acting, you can fall into depression for a long time and subsequently realize that the past years have not brought anything good.
Someone wants to throw the past out of their memory and start living on a new page after a difficult event: the death of a loved one, separation, divorce, dismissal, loss of valuable property and other troubles. In this situation, there is nothing left but to recreate your life piece by piece and rebuild it.
For those who have already suffered from deep depression, I recommend that you first read how to get out of depression on your own.
How to start life from scratch: advice from a psychologist
If you have decided to give up something in your life forever and acquire something, then the advice from a psychologist described below (I am a psychologist by training) will help you start making changes.
Forget the past
I understand that this is easy to just say. But be that as it may, the past only drags us back. There is already a sensational phrase: “The past is forgotten, the future is hidden, and the present is given.” So, you cannot live in a new way if you are carrying a bag of old problems.
Tuning in for the best and living in the present is the most useful thing you can do for yourself on the path to a new life. For example, why don't the poor get rich even if they want to? Because they don’t want to give up their habits and problems.
Believing in yourself will help you forget the past. It is important to never give up, no matter what happens in your life. There are different situations: when you were abandoned, you were left after a divorce with a child in your arms, you lost something important in your life. But life goes on, you don’t need to remember the old, but look for new meaning, start respecting and appreciating yourself.
Say goodbye to your habits
By throwing away past ballast, you have freed up a niche for new thoughts and habits. At this stage, it is important to understand what in the present is preventing you from moving on. For example, I like to sleep longer in the morning and fall asleep late at night. But this arrangement of things doesn’t suit me, because I don’t get a lot done in a day. This habit hinders me in the present, so I get rid of it.
You may have many such habits or situations. For some, this is a job that takes all their energy; for others, they understand that they are studying in the wrong place. Some of you will understand that a protracted, uncertain relationship with a guy or girl is stressful - you want specifics.
So, an easy way to find out what is bothering you in the present is to make a list of what irritates, stresses, and does not suit you. Honesty is important here. Write down everything that comes to mind: habits, friends - emotional vampires, work, interpersonal relationships.
After this, psychology advises to burn or tear up the list, but I will take responsibility for not advising you to do this. It is better to consciously approach the matter and note point by point which of them were able to be changed or completely eradicated. But if you have accumulated negative emotions, then you can do whatever you want with the list to reset the negativity.
On the way to something new: setting goals
The beginning of a new life must be based on something. If you decide to say goodbye to some of your principles, it’s time to “plant” others to replace the past.
Now is the best time to set new goals and come up with hobbies. If you've been afraid to stand on a roof before, it's worth a try, only with insurance, of course! Think about what you would like to do, what to do. Let me remind you once again: you can give up everything, but you need to try so hard to build a “new you”! Make decisions thoughtfully.
Changing old habits
Changing your habits leads to a change in your character. This is what you need on the path to a new life. You can develop a new habit in at least 21 days. For some, this process takes up to 60 days. But it can be done!
You know that some actions have become automatic. For example, morning procedures in the bathroom, driving a car with drivers and others. You weren't born with these skills, were you?! This means that other skills can also be developed.
At first it will be difficult for you, for example, to go for a 15-minute jog every morning, but then little by little you will get into this mode. First you need to overcome laziness, then it will go away on its own. Having overpowered yourself, you will already be at the beginning of the path to a new life.
No concessions
Even when laziness overwhelms you and your willpower suddenly disappears somewhere, it is important to set yourself up to achieve your goal.
I understand that there is not always enough internal motivation, so it is important to immediately reinforce your new habit with powerful motivation. For example, you are a very responsible person when you promise something. So, promise someone close to you that you will keep your home in perfect order for 2 months. Or say that starting tomorrow you will stop eating meat.
There is one more advantage to being accountable to another: it is this second person who can give you a “magic kick” in his own words if you suddenly want to “jump off”.
Expanding our circle of acquaintances
It will not be possible to live from scratch with old acquaintances. You definitely need to meet other people who share your new hobbies and habits. Interesting acquaintances will help you let go of the past faster.
Making new, positive friends is impossible without emotional intelligence. It is he who helps you be a more sociable, active and interesting person. By becoming like this, you will strive to communicate with your own kind.
As a result, you will gradually change your environment and free yourself from constantly whining people to more positive and productive ones.
Drastic changes
By changing some of your habits, thinking and the people around you, you have reached the next important stage in life - “time of dramatic changes”. The time has come to find out what really brings you joy in life: life in a new place, in a new status, etc.
We dreamed of leaving for the village - it’s time. If you want to live in another city, it’s time. We decided: “I want to quit!” - it's time. By the way, you can read how to do the latter correctly in this article.
Dramatic life change
Take risks
Of course, without fanaticism! Often stereotypes and patterns become an obstacle to starting life over with a new leaf. Take risks to express your bold ideas, express yourself. Often you will be hindered by childhood stereotypes and patterns inspired by your environment. But try to hear yourself, what you really want, and strive for it.
Enjoy
After a divorce, it is difficult to think about something positive; after being fired, fear for your future life may appear. But don't panic. Try to enjoy the moment. Every moment. We have one life, and even after parting, the loss of something, it continues. We ourselves write the script of our life.
You can always make it in time
It's never too late to start over. In adolescence, at 30 or 50 years old, when it would seem that half of your life is behind you. Always be open to something new, do what you love and you will see success.
It is known that Henry Ford built the world famous engine only at the age of 40. This was the beginning of his new life.
Ray Kroc, who founded McDonald's, sold paper cups until he was 52, and only then opened his first store.
Dietrich Mateschitz, at the age of 40, founded the Red Bull company with his companions, which made him famous throughout the world.
Therefore, years are not an obstacle to starting a new life!
Why do we find change so difficult?
Goal lists literally inspire you. But a couple of days (and sometimes hours) pass, and the motivation to overpower yourself disappears. And then laziness gives way to regret and self-aggression. There are several reasons.
Unpreparedness for discomfort. For example, you decide to start running. You look forward to a toned figure, good health and the pleasure of a good habit. Of course, the day before you will be charged with optimism. But early in the morning, and even in winter... well, who needs this jog? If you do not realize and accept all the difficulties that the path to a new life will entail, it will be difficult for you to overcome them.
Expecting quick results. But days and weeks pass, and he’s still not there. Here Instagram is still breathing in your back, where transformations happen instantly. And now the motivation is already leaving the chat. In fact, there is a cumulative effect here. You won’t see the results right away, but then you’ll look back and realize what a fruitful job you’ve done.
Postponing life. This is when you think that real life will begin only after changes. And you begin to put off all the pleasant moments for later. Ultimately, you won't want to change if your life is always on the back shelf.
A sharp breakthrough and work on all fronts. Sometimes it seems that if we’re going to start a new life, we’ll do it in full. Yoga, jogging, gym. On top of that is a complete change of diet, getting up at six in the morning and a book club three times a week. “Don’t do this,” the brain will say and begin sabotage. A big result comes from small gradual steps, not sudden races.
Mistakes and failures. Negative experiences are the most demotivating. Here, too, special thanks to social networks, where people succeed the first time and without a single mistake (which is not true). We must remember that there are failures in any endeavor. It's not how many there are that matters, but how you deal with them.
Books
There are no specific instructions on how to become a different person in order to live differently. Everything described above is just recommendations and advice that you may not even use. But to reinforce your desire to move to a new city or change something else, read motivating books:
- Eric Bertrand Larssen “Without self-pity. Push the boundaries of your capabilities” (electronic version on liters | paper version on labirint.ru).
- Brett Blumenthal “One habit a week. Change yourself in a year” (electronic version on liters | paper version on labirint.ru).
- El Luna “Between need and want. Find your path and follow it” (electronic version on liters | paper version on labirint.ru).
- Robert Holden “Starting a new life!” (electronic version on liters | paper version on labirint.ru).
You can even memorize some quotes from these books. They can become the motto of your changes.
Take responsibility
No one can do the work for you. The weather, a solar eclipse, and a hole in your gym leggings can't be responsible for giving up your new lifestyle.
You'll have to implement new habits and deal with the challenges they bring. This won't be easy, especially since our brains are terribly afraid of change. Because change is the unknown, to which you have to adapt.
But look at it this way: if you are responsible, you don't have to answer to anyone but yourself. At any time, you can step back and tell yourself that you are not ready for change or do not want it. Your life will not change in any way and will simply continue to flow along the old channel. And if you decide to try, then all the positive consequences will be solely your merit.
What to read
- Elena Rezanova “Never. How to get out of a dead end and find yourself"
Training to start life from scratch
Training is a great way to “put your brain back in place” after an event or stress. On the way to your dream, he helps you set priorities, make sure your goals are correct, and begin to change.
An excellent online training course is “Brain Detoxification”. You can find it on the Wikium website, where various simulators for brain activity are located.
This training is an excellent basis for internal and external changes. After completing 10 lessons, you will be able to completely “reflash” your consciousness, learn to concentrate only on what is important, feel how the level of anxiety has decreased, and the quality of rest has improved, absent-mindedness has decreased, and toxic thoughts have begun to appear less often.
Vikium offers a 7-day money back guarantee!
Well-known developmental psychology expert Viktor Shiryaev conducts classes with practical tasks. In addition to theory, he will provide you with various materials to work on yourself and give you the necessary recommendations.
This investment in yourself will pay off very quickly, and you will become much more productive.
In any case, friends, you have several options on which way to go: you can improve yourself or buy a course for little money and achieve results as quickly as possible.
You can also find other training options on the Vikium website. Try it, it's free. In any case, there is a guarantee that you will upgrade yourself in new directions. There is a review article on our blog, read:
- Brain simulators and courses Vikium - the most detailed and honest review of the online learning platform + reviews
Well, are we studying?
Determine what you want to change first
If you want change, but can’t figure out what exactly, a written practice—the “List of a Hundred”—may come in handy. With its help, you will unload everything that lies in your head and cannot take shape in any way, and you will begin to reveal your true thoughts and intentions.
Make time for this technique. You'll need to write everything down in one sitting, so make sure you won't be disturbed. Take a piece of paper (or several), a pen and get started. Write down all the points that do not suit you in life. Do it as quickly as possible; if it’s difficult, don’t hesitate to write down even nonsense. It’s also normal to repeat yourself, but only if it’s unconscious. And don't forget to number the points.
Once you're done, look at the list and identify four to six categories. For example: money, profession, home, skills. And sort the list into these categories, marking the items with a marker or stickers. After that, see which category has the most items. You can start making changes in your life with it. And then gradually connect the rest.
The first place change begins is habits. When you choose the direction of change, you need to understand which habits you need to develop for this and which ones you need to eliminate.
First, write down three habits that move you forward and praise yourself for them. Then find three habits that are getting in the way. Finally, add three habits you would like to develop. So you will see a plan of action in front of you: remove unwanted habits, and add three new good ones.
What to read
- Darren Hardy "Cumulative effect. From action to habit, from habit to outstanding results.”
