How to find strength and leave your husband if he doesn’t let go? Effective tips to help you start a new life

Often one can only be surprised at how much patience a woman experiences in order to maintain a relationship. However, it gradually becomes more and more difficult to turn a blind eye to existing problems, and mutual feelings between partners fade away.

A woman faces the need to leave her husband. Often a woman is stopped from taking this step by her children, but this is a mistake - a boy will not grow into a normal man if from childhood he sees his tyrant father bullying his mother; a girl will not be able to build a normal family in the future if the norm for her is the image of a man who drinks heavily.

It is necessary to decide to leave your husband, even when there seems to be nowhere to leave.

When should you leave?

The need for divorce or preservation of the family is influenced by the current situation. In cases where a man is mentally ill, aggressive, prone to cruelty, leaving him is the most correct decision. If you have one or more children, this step should be taken as soon as possible so as not to risk their lives and your own.

Before leaving your spouse, you need to carefully analyze your family life. Maybe there will be a different way to solve problems in the family. Good reasons for divorce are:

Spouse's alcoholism or drug addiction. A man prone to such addictions is unpredictable and most often dangerous to the life and health of a woman. While intoxicated, a husband can become aggressive, cruel, and commit actions that can harm others. You cannot put up with this; you must quit the drug addict or alcoholic immediately.
Beating. You can’t get used to beatings from your spouse. Having once raised his hand against his wife, he will continue to practice domestic violence. There is only one way out for a woman - to get a divorce.
Spouse's infidelity. For some women, it is quite natural to forgive their spouse after learning about his infidelities. Of course, you can close your eyes to one casual relationship, but if your husband is constantly cheating, you should think about whether you should stay with a man who does not feel love and respect for his wife.
Love is gone. It often happens that a woman continues to live in marriage with a man, realizing that all feelings on her part have passed. Thus, she causes torment for herself. It is better not to pretend and get an honest divorce, as in the case if it is obvious to the wife that her husband has stopped loving her, because life with an unloved person does not bode well.
Irresponsibility of the spouse in financial terms. If a man is healthy, but avoids any work, as well as attempts to find one, the wife should think about whether she needs to provide for such a parasite.

Whatever the reason that prompted the divorce, the main thing is to develop the right tactics to make the divorce less painful.

If you no longer have any feelings for your husband, you might want to consider divorce.

The best ways to tell if your husband is cheating

Divorce and children

Regardless of the number of children or their age, they always suffer greatly when their parents divorce.

This is aggravated by the fact that one parent or both often make thoughtless mistakes that traumatize the child’s psyche:

Live together for the sake of the child. This is the most common mistake parents make. Children clearly understand the situation and feel that love and respect have disappeared between their parents. In this case, the child does not see a normal example of a warm relationship, which will prevent him from creating his own prosperous family in the future.
White lies. If parents try to deceive the child so as not to traumatize him, this produces the exact opposite effect.
Talking about your other half is bad. For every child, both parents are the best. It hurts him to hear unpleasant things about mom or dad. The child can take these words personally, because he is somewhat similar to each of the parents.
Take it out on the child and show him your despair and pain. This will make him even worse.
Give ultimatums. A very big psychological trauma is caused by the phrases of one of the parents that the son or daughter must choose who he/she loves more. This absolutely cannot be done. In the child's mind, both parents are good.
Demand love for the new dad or mom. Children have the right not to feel positive emotions towards their new stepmother or stepfather. These people can become friends, but they cannot replace their own parent.

How to do it right?

If you are absolutely sure that you want a divorce, you need to calculate every step you take. Almost everything depends on this: whether your spouse will agree to a divorce, how your children and your loved ones will perceive this news, whether you yourself will experience mental comfort. The ideal option is to break up without scandals, but this is very rare.

How to decide to start a new life?

If a plan for divorce has been brewing in your mind for a long time, but you just can’t begin to put it into practice, use the following tips:

start visiting a family psychologist;
find support from someone close to you;
save money little by little;
make a list with your husband’s shortcomings, problems in your marriage, keep it before your eyes and add new items;
scroll through your memory all the insults inflicted by your husband on you, your children, and your loved ones.

You need to be able to convince yourself that it is impossible to solve the current situation in other ways, except by getting a divorce. You literally have to force yourself to leave your husband. This will give you confidence and determination.

How to prepare?

If you've been married for a long time, it's impossible to just grab a suitcase and disappear, especially with children. Prepare to leave your husband with all care, not forgetting about the little things:

find a lawyer for advice on how to divide property and apply for alimony;
prepare the children so that the breakup is not unexpected and painful for them (however, if you are sure that they will not tell their father about the plans);
decide where you will live if the apartment remains with your husband;
save up at least some money;
think about what reaction your spouse will have in order to determine your further actions in the event of his inappropriate behavior;
Ask someone close to you or contact a moving service for help with your upcoming move.

Good preparation of a woman will help her feel calm after separation from her husband.

What to tell your spouse?

The words you say to your husband are influenced by the situation and the reason that prompted you to decide to take such a step. If you are planning to move from the place where you lived with your husband, it will be easier for you. If you just can’t muster the strength to talk, just take your things and disappear, explaining everything in a note or letter.

Of course, this is not the most beautiful thing to do, but there are situations when it would be impossible to separate from your husband otherwise. For example, it is unlikely that a tyrant husband will let his wife go peacefully. In addition, he can harm her in a fit of rage: beat her, lock her in the apartment, take away her phone, threaten to deprive her of communication with children, etc. This also applies to the behavior of an alcoholic husband: it will not be possible to talk calmly with him, but it is easy to cause a scandal and a fight.

If the apartment is shared and you are not going to leave it, it all depends on the adequacy of your spouse. If you are sure that he will leave the house without any problems, just start a conversation without turning it into a scandal. If the reaction is unpredictable, it is better to decide in advance where you can live for a while. You can voice your decision in a letter or by telephone. You can ask people who are an authority for your husband to convey your words.

The most important thing is to avoid serious losses, both for you and for your spouse. Under no circumstances should children be involved in disputes between parents. You shouldn’t tell your spouse everything that’s boiling over.

It is better to limit yourself to a brief and succinct explanation of one or two important reasons for divorce. For example, “I’m tired of your affairs on the side,” “My feelings for you have passed.” The main thing is to convince your husband that you won’t change your mind.

Try to immediately decide how you will divide the property and how your spouse will pay alimony. Also decide on communication. If you have children together, communicate only on issues that directly concern them. If there are no children, you should refuse any further contact.

The conversation about divorce can be long and unpleasant, but in any case it must take place if you decide to leave your husband

Life after a breakup

If the decision to divorce is conscious and clear, then separation will help you start your life with a clean slate.

There are some simple tips to help you get through a difficult period:

Don't look back.
Do not try to meet another love immediately after the divorce.
Don't bore your friends with endless conversations about your ex.
Don't follow your ex-husband's life on social networks.
Find time to be alone and relax.
Ignore gossip and discussions of personal life.
Build new relationships, taking into account the mistakes of the past.
Take care of yourself, your appearance, your figure.
Pay attention to children, their development, spend more time with them.

You shouldn't be afraid to start a new life. We must thank fate that the ex-husband was in a woman’s life. This will be a useful experience, a lesson for the future. You should believe in yourself and happiness.

Difficult situations

If there are no common children and the husband agrees, leaving is quite easy. However, some women find themselves in other, more difficult situations.

How to find strength and leave if the tyrant does not let go?

Long life with a tyrant husband gives rise to psychological dependence. A woman suppresses her own interests and desires for the sake of a man, tries to please him in everything, submits to all demands. This behavior leads to self-doubt. The woman wants to leave, but is very afraid. In this case, you cannot delay leaving!

To make it easier to make a decision, you need to determine for yourself why you should live with such a man:

Summarize. You need to think about what you get from your man, besides humiliation and constant stress.
Fear of loneliness. This feeling cannot be avoided. But think about how you lived before you met your husband, and how you managed to cope with everything. Enlist the support of your loved ones.
Fear of change. You can talk yourself out of getting a divorce, thinking: “I’ve created a family, I’m used to my husband...”, “What if my life doesn’t get better after the divorce? What if I can’t live alone?” You need to drive such thoughts away from yourself. Only by taking a risk can you find out what lies ahead!
Financial dependence. If there is no source of income, education, housing, or work, you should take care before getting a divorce to learn something, for example, take some courses.

Try to save up at least some amount of money in advance for the first time after the divorce. Take away every coin, for example, received as change.

Don't fool yourself. An intelligent, beautiful and confident woman does not need to be bullied and abused. Don't confuse patience with tolerance. If your tyrant husband is bullying you, don’t force yourself to endure it. Leaving such a husband is a balanced decision. You have every right to a full life, the realization of your potential, normal human relationships, the most important thing is that you must do everything to prevent your children from growing up in an environment of cruelty and violence.

First, choose a place where you will go. It is desirable that it be as far as possible from the current house. Don’t even tell your parents and mutual friends that they don’t know where you will be. The possibility of not seeing the tyrant is already a break. You will not be subject to psychological attacks, you will be able to think and make decisions for yourself.

Make a list or remember what items you need to take with you. If you can carry large luggage, pack everything you can. Otherwise, limit yourself to documents; if there are documents confirming the fact of joint acquisition of property, things, clothes, shoes, take them too. When the moment is right (your spouse was sent on a business trip, he went on vacation with friends), run away.

You will:

Get a divorce.
Start a new and healthy life.
Restore strength - physical and moral.
Reshape your personality.

It will take you a long time to adapt to new life circumstances. Don't give up! All your efforts will allow you to enjoy freedom. Focus on your career, new hobbies, and hanging out with friends.

What to do in case of threats from your spouse? An angry husband, whom his wife left, can use anything to threaten him: take away the children, kick them out of the house, tell about your secrets, refuse alimony, deprive them of jointly acquired property. Therefore, it is recommended to consult with a lawyer in advance on all issues. Then the husband’s threats will not be scary. If a tyrant threatens physical violence, use a voice recorder to record his conversations and contact the police.

Signs of a tyrant husband: escape or get along

How to gain courage and quit an alcoholic?

How to get rid of an unloved drinking husband and part with him forever? Thousands of women across the country regularly seek the answer to this question. A sick person strives for treatment in order to recover, and so that the recovery process occurs as quickly as possible. As for alcoholism, a person with it is not inclined to treatment. An alcoholic enjoys being taken care of. Of course, at first the spouse will express complaints, but she will still bring a bottle to soothe her hangover, sympathize, and regret it. And the alcoholic will also blame his wife for his misfortune, that she is to blame for everything. Take pity on the unfortunate person - leave him so that he does not suffer because of you. The main thing is not to take the blame on yourself, do not convince yourself that your husband really drinks because of you. If his feelings have faded, let him boldly admit it and leave, and not try to hide the problem in a glass.

Choose a moment when your husband is sober, at least relatively, and in a calm tone tell him that you will leave him if he does not stop drinking alcohol. Determine a convenient day for yourself, for example, when you go on vacation, and mark it on the calendar. Set yourself up to file for divorce on the designated day and don’t allow yourself to think about changing your decision.
If your husband has not stopped drinking, on the marked day go to the registry office or court to clarify the details of the divorce. Then submit your application.
Divorce is carried out at the request of both spouses or only at your request in court. While property is being divided and it is being clarified who the children will stay with, start looking for a suitable exchange for an apartment.
After divorce you gain freedom. Change your phone number, place of residence and start living the way you want.

If a woman has a firm desire for divorce, she will go to the end; such an act is worthy of respect. Divorce is always scary, and if the spouse is not adequacy, it is doubly scary.

You will have to stay alone, with children, if available. You will lose a beautiful picture of a happy family. But think about it - a happy family is a thing of the past. Gradually, calmness and a feeling of comfort will return, you will no longer have to participate in scandals. You can focus on raising your children instead of dealing with your drunk husband. You can put yourself in order without fear that your husband will accuse you of cheating. You can become a completely different woman! In the future, you will only think about why you didn’t leave your drunken husband sooner.

Of course, you will have to rely only on yourself and your income. If your alcoholic husband brought some money into the house, then having lost it, you may not even notice it. Remember how much money was spent on buying alcohol, anti-binge medications and calling a doctor. Another advantage of divorce is that you no longer need to guard every valuable thing in the apartment that your spouse might drink away, and you no longer have to worry that he will lock himself in the apartment from the inside or start a fire while drunk. If things get really tight financially, don’t be afraid to ask your relatives for help.

It is likely that changes in living conditions will not be for the better. But an exchange of housing is required. Living in a tiny room, but freely, is still better than living in a huge apartment, but in constant fear for yourself, your children, and your home itself. If possible, change the area so that it is difficult for your ex-husband to find you, do not go to mutual friends for a while so as not to meet him there. Heal your wounds in a secluded corner. Why should you avoid dating your ex? Over so many years of living together, your husband has taught you too well, it will not be difficult for him to manipulate. If you encounter him every day, you will be tormented by a feeling of guilt and pity for him.

The status of a divorced woman awaits you. But this is not a sentence. Don't rush to find a new relationship so you don't end up completely alone. You may run into a man similar to the previous one and you will have to again look for ways to get rid of the tyrant and alcoholic.

Enjoy life, work, find something interesting to do. Do not allow yourself to think that family life could still be saved - this is not so. You have done everything possible, but it is impossible to constantly fight alone to save the marriage when your husband exchanged you for a bottle.

What to do if you have children?

Deciding to leave your husband if you have a child is not easy, but sometimes it is necessary. If the decision to divorce is firm and justified, listen to these recommendations to avoid a painful perception of the breakup by all family members:

Don't get emotional. The decision to break up should be thoughtful and balanced. Decide whether a divorce is really necessary, whether this desire is not a momentary whim.
Contact a lawyer and consult with him about the legal consequences if you leave your husband and take your child. If you cannot decide with whom the child will live peacefully, go to court. Most likely, the court will be on your side in this matter: in judicial practice, most often children remain with their mother.
Decide where you will live, especially if you are taking a child. If you are not leaving for a new man, you do not have an apartment or money to rent a place, ask to temporarily live with your parents, girlfriends, or colleagues.
Start a conversation with your spouse. This is the most important moment before divorce. Don’t delay your explanations: the sooner you talk to your husband, the sooner you will continue to move towards a new life. Remember, in a conversation you should not reproach and accuse your husband; calmly and clearly convey to him the reasons that prompted you to leave. If you start blaming him for all his sins, you will only achieve retaliatory aggression. In this case, it is unlikely that all issues will be resolved peacefully.
Having made a firm decision to leave, realizing that the marriage has long been on the verge of collapse, do not delay leaving. Leave immediately. You shouldn’t torment yourself with feelings of pity for your husband. If you put pity at the forefront of the relationship and stay, you will humiliate both yourself and your spouse. Such a relationship will destroy both.

You should under no circumstances keep your family together for the sake of your children. You will also exhaust yourself, and it is unlikely that the child will grow up to be a happy and fulfilling person if he feels and observes tension and hostility between his parents.

American scientists conducted research and revealed the enormous negative and destructive impact of parental conflicts and unresolved problems in the family on the psyche of children.

If the relationship between parents is smooth, calm and harmonious, then children are not subject to negative mental reactions, they do not develop mental disorders. If the relationship between parents is difficult, the child may experience anxiety and depression, which affects his character and behavior. You especially shouldn’t be afraid of breaking up with an alcoholic or a tyrant when there is not one child in the family, but two or more children, because such a man cannot give them anything good.

What to do if there is nowhere to go?

It happens that you hate your husband, you want to leave with a child or, for example, two or three children, but there is nowhere to go - where and who should you turn to for help?

If you don’t have children, you can go anywhere. You can live in a hostel, if you have a small family - you can rent a room in them even with a modest income. The problem with work can also be solved. If relatives or friends are ready to help, stay with them.

Deciding to leave with one or more children is more difficult, especially if you are on maternity leave. The best option is to live with your parents. If you have money, go to rented accommodation. If the need arises, ask your family and friends for help. The main thing is to act in the interests of the children.

Parents or relatives. The best option would be to leave your tyrant or alcoholic spouse for them. They will provide moral and material support if problems arise with work, and look after the children. Unfortunately, not all parents find it a pleasure to welcome their daughter, especially with grandchildren, back into the home. And not all women want to replace their husband’s nagging with parental claims. This option should only be considered as a temporary one. It is more favorable to start a new life in a separate territory.
Friends. Often women receive great support from their friends when they complain to them that they want to divorce their tyrant husband, but have nowhere to go. You should agree to such support, but immediately decide with your friend how long you can stay with her, discussing expenses for utilities, so as not to lose shelter and your friend herself.
A job that gives you a hostel. You can often see advertisements in which one organization or another provides housing to non-resident employees. Usually such work is not monetary or prestigious; most often it is a dangerous production. Calculate your strengths correctly and assess the risk: you can ruin your health and not get the promised room. In addition, according to employers, young mothers are not the best workers: few people would want to constantly let them go on sick leave with their children. However, you can temporarily agree to such work.
Social assistance centers. It happens that a woman is completely alone, she has no one to turn to. But even in such cases, staying with a man who abuses alcohol or beats his wife is not an option. You can find support at a crisis center; they are located throughout the country. They are often located on church grounds. They provide shelter and food to all those in need. In addition to material support, they will help you psychologically and advise you on where to find work and housing.
Exchange of living space. Some women are unaware of their rights. They believe that they cannot count on part of the real estate. Contact a family law attorney. You can use free consultation services. Of course, you will have to wait your turn, since there are many who apply to such services, but it’s worth a try. Lawyers will explain what share of property and alimony are due to you and your children, and how to prove the insolvency of your spouse.

How to meet the man of your dreams?

The stress experienced by family members when a marriage ends is second only to the stress experienced when a loved one dies. You will have to overcome many difficulties, material and psychological, but if you want and decide to take this step, even with children in your arms, it will be a worthy choice.

Always remember - leaving your husband is not leaving into emptiness, you will not cease to exist. This is the path to a new, happy life. You will have to put in a lot of effort, but the opportunity to breathe freely is worth it!

Child support

Both spouses are responsible for the costs of caring for their children after they separate, even if they were not legally married. In any case, the spouse who does not remain in the family with the children must pay alimony, which goes towards:

daily content;
additional needs for children with disabilities;
post-secondary education;
additional education.

Leave an abusive husband7

In some families, relationships quickly deteriorate and the spouses mutually agree to divorce. But sometimes, a woman is tormented in a suffocating marriage with a dictator - her husband, and is afraid to leave him. A man perceives a woman as his own thing, as a slave, and suppresses any attempts to “break free.” He intimidates the unfortunate victim, locks him in the house, takes away his phone and cuts off all paths to “freedom” and a “normal life.” A desperate and frightened woman resigns herself to an unhappy fate and is afraid to change her life, convincing herself that it will be even worse. No need to be deceived! Millions of unhappy wives took a step forward and were able to change their lives for the better! They, too, were scared, uncomfortable, sad, but they strived for a better fate and achieved their goal.

To return the relationship or not12

Whether to get back together with your ex-husband or not is not an easy decision. A woman must weigh it carefully and think it over:

Is it possible in their case to renew the relationship?
Will this be good for her and her children?

In fact, a person can change for the sake of loved ones and dear people. But it’s not worth repeating the same rake if no progress is observed.

Why is it so difficult to break up?

How to leave your husband? After all, deciding to break up can sometimes be very difficult, especially if you have lived with a person under the same roof for many years. Psychologists identify several reasons why women are afraid of divorce:

Material dependence. It is very difficult to start a new life when the apartment, car and much more are the property of the husband. Situations often arise when a woman simply has nowhere to go. That is why she continues to live with her unloved husband.
Habit. Sometimes it is difficult for a woman to break up not because of love. She continues to be near an unloved man because of habit. An established life does not allow her to make fundamental changes in her life.
Child. A woman wants her children to be raised in a complete family. However, this is not at all a reason to give up on your own life.
Threats. Sometimes men intimidate their wives so that they do not leave them. The woman does not dare to ignore the threats because she fears for her life.

Unsuccessful marriage

Leo Tolstoy's book Anna Karenina begins with the words: “All happy families are alike, each unhappy family is unhappy in its own way.” There can be plenty of reasons for divorce. An ideal marriage without hassle is only possible in a fairy tale. In real life, spouses have to find a compromise, work on their relationships, their shortcomings, be able to forgive and smooth out rough edges in order to create a strong and happy family.

Often a guy and a girl, wanting to live together, are not ready to make such sacrifices. Being selfish, none of the spouses agree to meet each other, do not value each other, and divorce occurs due to stupidity and thoughtlessness. In some cases, it’s really worth closing your eyes to many things, learning to understand and forgive your husband, and trying to save the relationship. But there are situations when family life turns into hell.

Deciding to end the relationship on your own

Every woman must make her own decision about divorce. She can consult with friends, a psychologist, and relatives, but at the same time decide for herself what to do. Under no circumstances should you give in to pressure from relatives and friends and leave your husband only based on their assumptions. But you shouldn’t engage in self-deception either. For many unhappy wives, it is easier to close their eyes and endure the unpleasant and cruel reality than to change anything in their lives. Observing humiliation and disrespect from their spouse, they often reassure themselves with the following words:

“I live with him and tolerate this, only for the sake of the children”
“He will definitely change”
“It’s my own fault that he does this to me.”
“There’s nothing to worry about, everyone lives like this...”

Talk to your spouse6

Before a divorce, you should first talk with your husband. Perhaps the man will take into account his mistakes and change his behavior. In some cases, a Woman may temporarily leave her husband alone. Such a “time out” will help both her and her husband to be separate from each other, rethink values, and perform a kind of “divorce rehearsal.” If the pause did not help to “remake” the guilty party, then separation becomes inevitable. You should not convince yourself otherwise and take drastic measures.

Don't be complacent with false beliefs4

You should not engage in self-deception. There is only one life, and it is worth living happily.

There is no need to endure humiliation and beatings, just so that the father and breadwinner lives next to the children. Young and mature family members will not be happy and grateful to their parents, who contributed to them living in an atmosphere of fear and tension. It is better to divorce your husband and help the children develop friendly relations with their father than to remain married and instill in children disgust and hatred of the parent.
It is not a fact that a negligent spouse will change his attitude towards his wife and children if there is nothing to change. People don't just change. The aggressiveness and ignorance of the husband will not correct the “sheepish” behavior of the wife and the over-obedience of the downtrodden children.
In some cases, the spouse can indeed provoke her husband into bad actions and irritation. But if the humiliating and aggressive actions of a spouse are regularly repeated, there is no need to justify the behavior of a tyrant.
There is no need to reassure yourself that the surrounding families are also unhappy. Don’t you really want a happier fate for yourself? It is better to pay attention to those who were able to build happy relationships after breaking the Gordian knot.