Family relationships are, unfortunately, not only mutual understanding and love. These are also quarrels, scandals, insults, disappointments. In general, anything can happen. So what should we do? How to teach your husband a lesson for disrespect? Advice from psychologists will help you understand this situation. After all, under no circumstances should we let such a situation take its course.
How to teach your husband a lesson for disrespect? Advice from psychologists: gather your thoughts
It is, of course, unpleasant for every woman to hear insults addressed to her. Naturally, there is a desire to insult in return or completely stop communicating with this person forever. The situation is completely different when humiliation and insults come from one’s own spouse. Firstly, his words hurt much more painfully. After all, he knows perfectly well how and where to “hit” you with a word in order to hurt and hook you more precisely. Secondly, leaving and not returning is much more difficult. You are still connected by marriage, children, friends and relatives, common living space, financial dependence. Thinking about what to do in this situation, a woman, as a rule, begins to rush from side to side. But he can’t decide on a certain rational action. This can go on for years. But this is simply unbearable. You need to figure out how to teach your husband a lesson for disrespect. The advice of psychologists in this case will be very helpful. First of all, you need to decide not “what to do,” but “what will happen if you do something, but incorrectly.”
What to do if the husband suddenly lost interest in his wife
If you always greet your husband with a smile, catch his eye, try to attract his attention, but he doesn’t even look at you, then there is reason for thought.
- How many years have you been together? Has this happened before?
- If this is not the first time this situation has arisen, what were the reasons? And how did a similar incident in the past end?
- If not the first time, did you immediately notice your spouse’s unusual behavior, or did it happen gradually?
A man experiences the consequences of stress longer than a woman, this is a known fact. The reason for withdrawn behavior can be anything: a new apartment, moving to another city, a postponed vacation, even an argument with a colleague or a remark from a boss. Perhaps the external coldness of your loved one is connected precisely with internal problems, and not with you.
Psychologists believe that in most cases, a husband grows cold towards his wife due to stress or an internal conviction of his inadequacy as a father of a family or a spouse. But if experts cannot fully understand the complex psychology of a man, then what can we say about his wife? However, she has the main advantage over scientists - a loved one loves her and is ready to trust her in everything. Therefore, only a wife, surrounding her husband with love and care, can help.
In the process of communication, lovers develop their own special language. These can be words, gestures, some expressions, thanks to which they instantly determine mood, emotions, desires. Try to remember what made you understand each other even without words. Non-verbal signals, according to experts, in 85% of cases can suggest the cause of a problem and identify possible ways to solve it.
Even your closest friends are unlikely to say anything useful, so don’t panic ahead of time and don’t run to them for advice, but try to figure out the current situation yourself. Perhaps your timely participation and emotional support will be able to stir up your spouse faster than a tedious showdown, manifestation of resentment, dissatisfaction. Constant reproaches will only increase the stressful situation and force your husband to actually change his opinion about you.
The proverb “Patience and work will grind everything down,” known since childhood, also works in family relationships. If two people agree to make an effort to preserve them, then a compromise will be found.
What is the reason?
So, let's act! How to teach your husband a lesson for disrespect? The advice of psychologists may be different, but all experts unanimously say that it is necessary to identify the essence of what is happening, the reason for such behavior.
In most cases, women believe that the reason lies in themselves. Either they “didn’t have time” for something, or they “didn’t do it,” or they “didn’t please.” Either they are “bad mothers,” or “bad cooks,” or “unkind wives.” In fact, this is not the case at all. These are just reasons for the spouse to find fault and throw out his negativity. The real reason lies in the fact that the husband is sadistic in this couple on purpose. He takes pleasure in humiliating the weak. It is impossible to confuse a sadist with any other person. We are all human, of course. Everyone can sometimes swear and be rude. However, in the case of a sadist, everything is completely different. His insults are filled with horrific filth. The vocabulary contains expressions intended not just to call a person, but to offend, cause pain, and humiliate.
Shows of disrespect
A family quarrel, even the most heated one, is not the same as a manifestation of disrespect. You can shout, you can even break dishes, but at the same time do not cross the boundaries of a respectful relationship. Do not stop seeing and accepting the other with his otherness. But what then is considered a disrespectful attitude, and how can it manifest itself?
Attention! The following list should not become a guide to categorical self-diagnosis and a call for immediate severance of relationships. This is just a reason to think about whether it’s time to properly sort out the relationship and talk to each other.
The main thing is to act!
As soon as you start thinking about how to teach your husband a lesson for disrespect, the advice of psychologists will become your best assistant. In principle, it is impossible to change such a spouse either with the help of persuasion, or with the help of conspiracies, or with the help of coding, or with the help of hypnosis, and certainly not servility to him will help. Accordingly, it makes no sense to expect that everything will work out and get better on its own. That is, it is necessary to take active action. It is not the husband who needs to be changed. It is necessary to seek protection for yourself and your children.
Fatal mistake
Not every woman thinks about how to teach her husband a lesson for disrespect. The fact is that representatives of the fairer sex are accustomed to adapting to different situations. To adversity in life as well. In addition, our women, due to the peculiarities of their mentality, are much more patient than elsewhere. It is not surprising that they are so simply and easily ready to accept humiliation and insults from a man, slowly getting used to them. And this, of course, is their fatal mistake.
By insulting and humiliating his wife, throwing nasty things at her, the husband deals a painful blow to her psyche. Even if she endures all this, it will not bring anything good. But the worst thing is that each time these attacks “take an upward course.” If initially this was the only rude word, then over time there will be a dozen of them. And then blows may follow. As a result, a woman cannot realize herself in life, hobbies, work, or feel joy and love. She can only expect further attacks every day.
A blow to children
But our children suffer the most from such violence. Unfortunately, among many women there is an opinion that for a child the presence of absolutely any father is very important - even a tyrant and despot, even a name-caller and humiliator, even an alcoholic, as long as there is one. Women console themselves with the fact that he is still their own father. They are even more confident of this if men do not touch children. They endure everything for the sake of marriage and financial assistance.
Naturally, this is a huge misconception. For a child, the mother is always the person who provides him with protection. If they yell at her and cause pain, it means that the baby loses his sense of security. Accordingly, he gets stressed. And this is fraught with negative consequences. Some children begin to steal and lie, others begin to fear death, and still others begin to torture animals.
People rarely connect problems with a child on the one hand and humiliation from a husband on the other. And in vain. The connection is the most direct. Therefore, a woman who wants to maintain peace in her family must definitely figure out how to teach her husband a lesson about disrespect. There are a lot of tips. The main thing is to choose exactly what you need. Stop at the best option.
Potential for decay
Many spouses assume that if they are not openly angry with each other, then there is no real reason to worry. But indifference can be even worse because it means an extreme state of disconnection in which you no longer care about each other. When partners get angry, frustrated, or even fight regularly, they do so because they still have a vested interest in the marriage and in their spouse to feel those emotions.
A husband's indifference to his wife means something completely different and potentially more dangerous. At first glance, this may seem preferable to an angry confrontation because it involves less conflict. But this can be a real problem in a marriage.
Most negative outcome
The most dire consequences can be expected if your children have a sound vector. The ears of such children are hypersensitive. That is, they generally require quiet sounds and calmness. If the father yells at the mother, and even throws humiliating words, such a child not only loses the sense of security like other children - he also receives a powerful blow to the most sensitive area. Hearing terrible screams, he may gradually lose contact with the outside world and withdraw into himself. This sometimes even leads to autism or schizophrenia.
In general, a woman, especially if she is a mother, needs to take care of her family. Take the necessary actions that could help in the current situation. In a word, do everything to ensure that the husband respects and appreciates his wife.
Excessive attention
So, the next stage. You figured out the reasons and made conclusions. Now you need to decide how to teach your husband a lesson for disrespect. Psychology offers several methods. The main thing is to correctly define the task. If you still love your husband, you should not make him suffer. This task is so that he can realize his guilt, understand what mistake he made and what pain he caused.
Start giving him undue attention. Most likely, this will not be easy at all. However, it's still worth a try. Give compliments, pleasant surprises, have romantic dinners. For what? Looking at your efforts, your spouse will be able to understand that he really was wrong, that you are the best woman, that no one will ever take care of him the way you do. Having realized all this, he will begin to suffer from remorse and repent in the depths of his soul. And self-flagellation, as you know, is the best punishment. If your spouse only slightly offended you, do exactly that.
Inattention
Next method. How to teach your husband a lesson for disrespect? An effective method, the opposite of the one described above, is inattention on your part. If your husband doesn’t see how you try to please him and forgets about important dates, naturally, this is very offensive. However, do not shout or swear. Just keep quiet. He will definitely remember everything he forgot about.
Let's say your husband promised to be back for dinner. Without warning, he goes with friends to a cafe or bar. Do the same to him in revenge. Let him feel like he is in your place.
Has your spouse stopped thanking you for the food you prepared? Think fried potatoes are ordinary? Stop cooking for him altogether. Leave several times without breakfast, lunch or dinner.
Constantly talking about how you are doing nothing while sitting at home? Why endure slander? Sit at the computer or sit in front of the TV. Don't actually do anything. Let him know what it's like.
Do you want to teach your husband a lesson because he claims that you are “resting” on maternity leave? Leave it with your baby all day. Well, have a shopping day with your friends or visit a spa. It is unlikely that after this he will be able to say that caring for a child is simple and easy.
How to make the right decision
Not a single article in a magazine or a single psychologist can make a decision for us. Personal relationships are a private matter between two people. If we see or feel that not everything is going smoothly, this is a reason to try to start working together.
You can contact a family psychologist, you can try to figure it out yourself. After all, another person may have a completely different picture of what is happening and his own “black list” of our mistakes and gaps.
Don’t look for clues in pop psychology articles titled “7 Signs of a Perverted Narcissist.” If we have already reached the desired emotional condition, we will definitely find these signs even in our cat.
In case of betrayal
This is probably how one of the most terrible troubles manifests itself, when a husband does not respect his wife. What to do in this case? Someone cannot forgive their spouse and simply breaks up with him. But many loving women, who cannot imagine their lives without insidious traitors, are not ready to take this step.
The easiest way is to declare a boycott. Stop washing and ironing his things, cooking, and helping with something. In general, ignore your husband completely. Communicate with him only in case of emergency. Just remember that this method is quite risky. With this attitude, the spouse can simply leave for another woman. However, think: do you really need such a husband?
One of the most difficult ways to punish a faithful person is indifference. Pretend that his betrayal is completely indifferent to you. Surely he expects scandals, screams, and hysterics from you. And you will act as if nothing happened. Make fun of him from time to time about the fact of his betrayal. In this case, he will definitely begin to be tormented by remorse. He will ask you for forgiveness and try to justify himself. Any man will be shocked by such a reaction. Thoughts will appear in your head that you have stopped loving him, that you need to somehow atone for your guilt. According to many psychologists, this will serve as an excellent lesson for the future for your spouse.
How can a woman regain her self-respect?
First let's look at why this respect may be lost.
“The main thing we are taught is to respect adults,” says psychoanalyst Natalya Oblakevich. - Respect means speaking respectfully, calling adults “you”, not raising your voice, watching your words and tone... all this is understandable, familiar to everyone, and at the same time nothing is clear...
Why should younger people respect their elders? Isn't it the other way around? Why can adults shout, blame, and sometimes even physically punish... Is this respectful? When a child is treated in this way, he seems to make a decision: “When I grow up, I will force myself to respect” or “When I grow up, I will build a respectful relationship with my partner.”
In case of drunkenness
Another big problem. Why does the husband not respect his wife, driving her to nervous breakdowns with his daily drinking and partying? Perhaps he cannot cope with this addiction? Or maybe he doesn’t even try, doing it out of pure selfishness or, even worse, out of spite for his wife?
What to do? To begin with, take into account absolutely all the consequences that his drunkenness affects. If this happens regularly and ruins your plans, he definitely needs to be taught a good lesson.
It is best to present your husband in the most unflattering way possible. Show him how stupid he looks when he's drunk. Give free rein to your imagination by choosing your punishment. You can cover his fingernails with a bright polish and hide the nail polish remover away. Give it only when he asks you for forgiveness. You can draw a mustache with a waterproof marker or write an obscene word on your forehead. You can paint your lips. Or you can even cut the clothes he came in so that in the morning you can ask where he was wearing it.
When does it make sense to fight for a relationship?
There cannot be a single correct answer here; each case is individual. We can only say that it is not worth fighting for a relationship in which there is physical and emotional abuse. All other options are up to the couple. If both partners believe that they need to fight for the relationship, we can only wish them a speedy victory and the least losses. And most importantly, let this struggle be specifically for relationships, but not turn into a struggle with each other or with yourself! And to make it easier to achieve victory, you can take note of several useful “fighting techniques”; we list the main 5.
