In this article we will tell you:
- Types of behavior of a tyrant husband
- 19 key signs of a tyrant husband
- Advice from a psychologist on saving a family if the husband is a tyrant
- 13 steps to get rid of a tyrant husband
It is almost impossible to recognize a tyrant in a future husband. At the very beginning, relationships always seem cloudless, and nothing prevents a woman from making plans for a future together. But it happens that almost immediately after the wedding the husband shows his true colors. Scandals out of the blue, shouting with or without reason, and even assault, unfortunately, become part of family life. It also happens that a man gets by without beatings. But the psychological tyrant is even worse, because he revels in the moral suffering of his wife.
You will say that signs of tyranny could be seen at the beginning of the relationship. Undoubtedly, there are a number of points that are worth paying attention to. But for many women they seem unimportant, and many mistakenly believe that their spouse will change after the wedding. So is it worth breaking off the relationship if your future husband seems like a tyrant? And what to do if after the wedding a man literally turns into a monster because of trifles? Is it possible to save a family with a tyrant husband?
Types of behavior of a tyrant husband
Insecure boys turn into domestic tyrants, and over time they become dangerous men. They will always strive to take out their resentment on loved ones. It doesn’t matter to them how much they are loved or what their financial situation is. Other factors are not important either. The greatest aggression always spills out on the wife. It is she who acts as a kind of lightning rod for her tyrant husband.
Psychologists believe that there are three types of such men: controlling, devaluing and aggressive.
- A controlling husband is a tyrant.
The essence of his tyranny is to control everything that happens in the literal sense. Who and where is at each moment of time, why it took 10 minutes, not five, to get from the stop, how much money was spent and on what. They are even interested in what their relatives dreamed about and why, as well as much more.
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Every day the tyrant husband bombards his wife with questions. It’s unclear what to do about this, and it’s not possible to simply remain silent. It is better to answer him immediately after the question. Otherwise, his suspicion will turn into a scandal. This state of affairs becomes difficult because it is disguised as caring for you. Therefore, many wives do not immediately recognize obsession, considering it a concern for themselves.
Gradually, the tyrant husband begins to forbid his wife to see any male representative, even her father and brothers. He is suspicious of all colleagues or friends, tracks the movement of vehicles on maps, and keeps his wife’s profile on social networks under control. It is important for him to keep track of literally everything: wardrobe, perfume, manicure and his wife’s makeup. Often such men install a special listening device at home.
Slaps and slaps on the head came already in the first years of marriage
“My husband and I met by chance,” Elena recalls. “Everything started to spin very quickly.” He immediately offered to live together, then quickly invited her to marry. He never left my side. And how beautifully he spoke! I believed him. My parents died shortly before we met. He took me “lukewarm” - in a state of shock. He easily convinced me of his reliability, which was so lacking.
When we started talking about her husband, Elena’s manner of speaking changed dramatically. Not a trace remains of the cheerful chatter.
“And so we started living together,” Elena continues. “We didn’t fight often at first. At that time I already had little Seryozhka, a son from my first marriage. It really influenced me - that Seryozhka liked him. Bribed me.
Elena says that slaps and slaps on the head came already in the first years of their life together. The woman always found an excuse for this - they say, it was her own fault. But after 11 years of marriage, more severe beatings began.
The family had financial problems and had to go to Russia to earn money. Elena got a job at the market, but her husband could not find a job for a long time. He said: “Well, I won’t go to the market as a loader.”
He has only a basic education, but his hands are golden - he earned money by finishing work in houses and apartments. But in the end I had to go to the market. He didn’t bring money home - he drank and skipped. And he raised his hand more and more often. Even when Elena became pregnant.
“I had a case,” says Elena. “I was walking through the city after another scandal - pregnant with David at that time. I saw the headlights shining and stepped under the car. The driver braked and jumped out. At first he began to scold me. Then I saw that I was all in tears, I realized what state I was in. He put me in the car to talk. He turned out to be a policeman, an investigator. He supported me then. He said that you can report your husband so that he doesn’t let go. But I was afraid - we were nobody in Russia.
Elena forgave her husband again. But the “swing” – beatings and apologies – continued. The woman kicked her husband out only when she became pregnant again. And she found out that only she wants this child.
“Then my husband wanted to return. He said that in order to provide for his family, he would go to Israel. He will make money there, everything will be cool. I fell for it again. Listen, he can lie so beautifully. I'm ashamed, but I believed. I needed to trust someone, and he was there. If someone told me: “Open your eyes, look wider. This, this is wrong,” I would draw attention to. But I was alone. There were no close people; all acquaintances in Russia were casual. Forgave, forgave - betrayal, drunkenness, beatings.
Why doesn't a woman leave on her own?
Common reasons why a woman does not leave on her own:
- A pity. The husband can put pressure on pity and not let his wife go, manipulate the children, say that he cannot live without her.
- Material question. If a man files for divorce, the woman can receive material benefits.
- Aggression. The spouse may behave aggressively and threaten violence if he tries to leave.
- Guilt. A husband can manipulate children and cause feelings of guilt.
Whatever the reason, there are ways to get rid of a husband who doesn’t want to leave .
Punishment for stalking
From the point of view of the law, such behavior is punishable. A man is infringing on your privacy and freedom of movement. In case of violation of established norms, the law provides for punishment as specified in the Criminal Code. If the situation becomes uncontrollable, you can safely file a lawsuit.
A certain part of the male population experiences a breakup quite hard, believing that the woman has personally insulted them. Women who reject them fall under the wrath of the aggressor and are forced to defend themselves. To begin with, sensibly assess the situation, whether the man really wants to harm you or whether this is a banal attempt to win you back.
In case of real danger to life, immediately go to the police.
For safety reasons, it is better to go out less often until the current problem is finally resolved. The most terrible threat is considered to be a threat to human life; in this case, you should not take any steps on your own. You must write a statement to the police.
In accordance with Article No. 119 of the Criminal Code (threat of murder), the punishment is imprisonment for up to two years. The most problematic thing in this matter is the provision of evidence. In this case, you need to collect any evidence against your ex. These could be recordings of telephone conversations, testimonies of neighbors and relatives, and even your children (only if they are over 10 years old). You even have the right to file a lawsuit against your ex-spouse and win in court, where the children will testify under the supervision of a psychologist.
If you have already collected a certain amount of evidence, go with it to the police, the guardians of the law are obliged to take action after you write a statement on this fact.
You also have the right to file a claim with the prosecutor's office. In the header of such an application you must make a note “copy - police department.”
In the claim, you indicate your full details and the person who is pursuing you (date of birth, place of work, position). State in any form all the circumstances of your problem. At the end, you make a request to protect your rights, citing the Constitution.
Why is psychological violence dangerous?
Damaged self-confidence, fears, complexes, depressed mood,
even
depression
- these are the consequences of “bloodless” violence for the victim.
They are quite comparable to the damage caused, for example, by beatings. Experts have long trumpeted on every corner that psychological violence is just as destructive as physical violence. Only women who are accustomed to direct or veiled ridicule, insults, humiliation, neglect, and devaluation ignore the warnings and do not see the seriousness of the situation. “When sharing their stories, women often laugh and make jokes.
Like, just think: you came, stomped your feet, took the money - all the same, he says, you’ll go crazy,” says the psychologist.
psychological defense
manifests itself in those who are not ready to look for a way out of the current situation. The woman shared her emotions, relieved the tension - and that was all. She is again ready to endure the barbs of someone who craves power over her.
rileylawfirm.net
“Where should I go? I didn't have my own home. And it’s very expensive to shoot.”
After her husband returned from Israel to Russia, Elena packed her things and left with the children for Belarus. He did not bring the promised money to the family, and during the year of living in Israel, he was not particularly interested in how Elena copes with two children. The woman went to Babichi, Orsha district - her sister and grandmother lived there. I got a job - first as a salesperson in a cafeteria, then as a social work specialist, then as a watchman at a poultry farm.
- My husband came up. "Sorry" again. And again, stupidly, I forgave him. The children asked: “Mom, let’s live with dad. Let dad be there." And I listened to the children. Then I didn’t really believe his words anymore. But my husband got rental housing - a three-room apartment. We lived practically like neighbors. I just endured it. If only it was quiet. There was no friendly family. So they lived together for another 11 years.
Sophia listens to her mother's story in silence, stroking the puppy on her lap.
“I felt that I needed to leave my husband,” Elena continues. -Where should I go? I didn't have my own home. And it's very expensive to shoot. I felt that my salary was not enough. I started looking for options. I went to the bank and asked to calculate the loan that they could give me. If I want to buy any house in the village - even the size of a bathhouse. I was told that my income was too low.
I remember then walking across the field with the dogs and praying. Lord, God, is there anyone in heaven? Well, someone help me! It is impossible to live the same way. And every day I walked with the dogs, every day I called out to the universe. She raised her hands to the sky and screamed. If anyone had seen me at that time, they would probably have thought: “What a fool.”
Elena not only sews and repairs clothes, but also makes brooches, bags, toys, and paintings.
Many people can “try on” Elena’s story. Every third woman in Belarus is subjected to physical violence, not to mention other types of violence - sexual, psychological, economic. Women are bullied not by strangers, but by those closest to them - husbands, fathers, sons, brothers.
Only a third of affected women seek help. Most often because it is embarrassing to talk about your problem. And also because, like Elena, there is simply nowhere to go. So that women can leave the aggressor and receive temporary protection, the non-profit organization “Radislava” created the “Shelter” project.
This is a house where a woman from any corner of Belarus can come at any time for free to live with her children and, in addition, receive psychological and legal assistance. Over the 11 months of 2022, the Shelter project - thanks to the financial support of IMEN readers - helped 84 people, of which 44 were women and 40 children.
