How to leave your lover: the main reasons for breaking up, advice from a psychologist

October 16, 2019
Psychology of relationships
Marusya the Cat

Some women are interested in how to leave their lover if there are no more prospects for continuing the relationship. This situation may arise for various reasons, but the goal of such a separation is to move away from this relationship with minimal losses for both yourself and your almost ex-partner. Experienced psychologists are ready to help you understand this issue and give useful advice.

Reasons for breaking up a relationship with a married man

Parting always carries a tinge of sadness, especially if this process concerns a relationship with a beloved man. But sometimes this connection is so exhausting that there is no other choice but to take this step. The solution to the question of how to leave your lover largely depends on the reasons why this idea arose. There can be a huge number of situations, but the main and most common reasons are the following:

The woman was simply tired of waiting for a strictly limited time for her. The lover spends all holidays and weekends with his family, and the girl gets only insignificant hours of communication between finishing work and returning home. In rare cases, you have the opportunity to go on a short vacation together, which is carefully disguised as a “business trip.”
The girl understands that her lover will never leave his family, even if he has been promising her this for several years (sometimes even dozens).
The woman decided to leave her lover because she could not introduce him to her friends and relatives. She was simply tired of the constant secrecy, which did not allow her to introduce the man to her loved ones and hold joint events, for example, with him and his family (or with him and friends).
The representative of the fair sex is completely unsure of her chosen one. She believes that a man who cheats on his wife so easily could do the same to her. Therefore, she does not want to connect her life with such an unreliable person, whose behavior lacks moral principles.

How to finally break up with your loved one?

This is probably the most powerful shock in the life of any representative of the fair sex. It is difficult to endure such an event, maintaining self-respect and moving on calmly, even if you yourself initiated the farewell.

The reasons for separation can be different - different goals in life, difficulties in relationships, betrayal. If a couple is intelligent people, then they will do everything to make the separation go smoothly and beautifully. After it, they may not be happy, but they will go in different directions in search of their true happiness.

If you made the decision

If you notice that meetings with your beloved are becoming less frequent, he has become very busy, inattentive to your holidays, successes and stories - this may be a sign that your loved one’s heart has cooled towards you. Of course, you can live in fear and expect it to go away every day. Or you can maintain your self-respect and take a step towards separation yourself, so that later you don’t feel abandoned and get out of the situation without damaging your own self-esteem.

Of course, in this case, your partner will try to win you back so as not to feel the bitterness of defeat. If your goal is to love and be loved, and you want to feel real feelings and build a family, stand by your decision and try to make sure that parting with a man is as beautiful as possible and does not leave scars in either your heart or his. Let beautiful, good and pure memories remain in your soul.

Your choice

Take control of your emotions. When you meet, discuss with your lover the experiences that are caused by your relationship. Don't break down, don't raise your tone and try to speak calmly. If possible, avoid moments that could hurt his pride and do not get carried away by good memories together.
Don't be persuaded. If you have made a decision, no matter what your man does, even if he is weak-willed and tries to make you pity, be firm in your decision. Do not give in, even if you are reproached and accused of being callous and heartless.
Tell me everything. Think about everything you would like to say in advance. Do not leave unsaid and unspoken thoughts, emotions and experiences. Let this separation begin a new life in which everything will be from scratch. If you don’t have the strength to tell everything during a date, call or write a letter and say everything you feel. Be clear about the words that mean the end of your relationship.
Don't go on the final date. If your lover offers you a last date, under no circumstances agree or initiate this yourself. Goodbye touches and kisses can change your mind or make the breakup process even more painful. It is better not to touch wounds that have not even begun to heal.

Parting

The main thing in breaking up is to try to keep the whole situation under your control in order to endure a difficult life situation as easily as possible.

If the separation was initiated by the lover

It is very difficult to survive such a situation and come to terms with this fact. In addition to advice on how to break up a relationship, we have prepared for you some advice from psychologists on how to survive a breakup and set yourself up for a final breakup with a man.

Don't look for the reason within yourself. To avoid similar situations in the future, look at everything from the outside later. Now the best option is to simply engage in self-improvement. Find a new hobby, go on a trendy diet, change your style, go to meet your friends, enjoy life. Take care of your career, business, home. Go to the sports section. The success you achieve will make you more confident and more attractive to men. When some time has passed, if you want, you can try to look within yourself for the reasons for your breakup.
Look for flaws in your ex-lover. This will help you ease your emotional pain. Understand that he is not the ideal man you pictured for yourself. Take a blank piece of paper and divide it into two columns. Write down its advantages in one, and disadvantages in the other. These two columns will help you take a more sober look at your lover.
Give yourself time. Give yourself a certain period of time to cry and suffer. Let it be a specific period - for example, a week or two. This attitude will help you avoid prolonged depression and pull yourself together. At the end of this period, remove his photos, gifts, and other things that may remind you of him.

Give it time

Tell us about your trouble. Of course, you shouldn’t go out on the street or necessarily to your friends and tell them everything. But if you can, share with your mom or best friend. If you don’t have such a trusting relationship with someone, trust a mirror or a diary. This way you will get rid of the burden of obsessive thoughts and sad memories. Many psychologists recommend writing down your experiences in a diary along with an awareness of the situation that you experienced. You can also write everything down on a piece of paper and symbolically burn it.
Scream. If you feel very bad, you need to release your emotions. Go where you can't be heard and scream as loud as you can. Scream until you feel relieved or simply that your sadness has eased.
Have holidays. Create holidays for yourself - small meetings with friends, buying a new book or thing, going to a concert, taking your parents on a picnic in nature. In any case, remember that everything that is not done is for the better.

Reasons for leaving a lover for a married woman

In life, situations often arise when not only men, but also women cheat. And when this relationship becomes painful, the girl begins to think through a plan on how to leave her lover, avoiding negative consequences. The decision to break up may come as a result of the following reasons:

The woman is tired of deceiving her husband, her conscience haunts her, and her interest in another man is not great enough to value him.
The lover is also a married man, so the lady does not see any prospects for living together.
The woman made her choice in favor of her husband because she had the opportunity to compare these two men.
The fair sex is afraid of condemnation from children and relatives.
The main role is played by the material factor, when a woman is completely financially dependent on her husband.

Breakup and the psychology of men

How to get over a breakup with a friend? Representatives of the stronger sex rarely need advice from a psychologist. This is because they prefer to deal with their problems on their own.

Sometimes it may seem that women experience a breakup much more intensely. But that's not true! It’s just common for men to hide their emotions, experiences and feelings.

The psychology of family relationships only proves the fact that it is indeed sometimes more difficult for men than for women to survive the pain and loss of a loved one.

Most men tend to look happy after a breakup. They immerse themselves in parties, lead an active lifestyle, and flirt with various girls. But this situation does not always reflect the true picture of feelings. Some men, with the help of such a pastime, try to get rid of melancholy and drown out the pain of parting with their ex-lover. But away from everyone, he can again look through photographs of his ex-girlfriend and hope for the restoration of relations.

How to get over a breakup with a girl? Counseling from a psychologist is especially necessary when men begin to lose self-confidence. Such stress can seriously affect the health of a representative of the stronger half of humanity. Therefore, if you have been feeling depressed and disappointed in women for a long time, you should consult a psychologist.

To many girls, men seem insensitive people. But they, like women, tend to count on a future marriage, common children and all the joys of living together at the beginning of a relationship. Therefore, as soon as a relationship collapses, they worry no less than women.

Psychological preparation

Some representatives of the fair sex do not want to endure an uncertain relationship for a long time with a man who already has a family, so they prefer to leave a married man. The stories of these women are different: for some it works out easily, since the lover also has doubts about further communication. Others have to suffer for a long time, because the man categorically does not agree with the prospect of losing the joy of communication with two loving women.

If a woman has finally decided to break up, psychologists recommend preparing mentally for this. To do this, it is necessary to soberly and objectively analyze the situation that has developed. Do not allow yourself to be manipulated (this is exactly what is happening in your relationship now, even if you consider this connection to be your initiative). Surely you were hoping to build a serious relationship, but you were simply deceived. And if your plans included only physical relaxation, variety in routine life, or a thirst for extreme sports, consider that you have already gotten what you wanted.

The role of temperament during a breakup

Finally, we suggest reading interesting advice from psychologists. They relate to four types of human temperaments. How does each of them react to the news of farewell and what should they do to protect themselves and their loved one from trouble?

So, here we go:

Choleric. Impulsive, active, hot-tempered. Accustomed to achieving what he wants through his favorite paths, he reacts painfully to refusals. If a lady said that she wants to break up, the answer can be unpredictable (even physical force). Therefore, think through your actions so that the initiative comes from the man. Also, don't go overboard with the "bitch" method. And it’s better not to intersect with such a person at all.
Melancholic. A neurasthenic person, extremely vulnerable. Can create a lot of problems with unexpected antics. Prepare such a person for farewell gradually - each time say that you are tormented by a feeling of guilt about your spouse, remember the children, and so on.
Sanguine. The person is cheerful and stable. With such a person, a sincere conversation is enough. Usually, a sanguine person understands at a glance and leaves his mistress without any problems.
Phlegmatic person. You can escape from a married lover with a phlegmatic character “in English.” He will not demand explanations, and will take the news of the breakup as a given.

Ways to come to terms with dramatic changes

Solving the question of how to leave your beloved married man will not cause pain if you approach it philosophically. Experienced experts recommend finding the right time, taking your favorite pose, surrounding yourself with the surroundings to your liking and thinking about the following:

Imagine yourself in the place of your lover's wife. Try to experience at least a little the feelings that she experiences (if you are already in love, this will not be difficult for you to do).
Think about who exactly made a man the way you could love him. Surely he was less successful, looked different, etc. At the moment you are “using” the results of someone else’s work. But each person definitely has personal ambitions, so think about it, do you like to “choose” something that is made to someone else’s taste? Try to imagine this as clearly as possible, and you will understand that you can leave your married lover without much regret.
Think about the fact that you are a “backup option” for your lover, just a toy for entertainment. After all, he cannot allow himself to be who he really is in front of you. Think about how you dress up when you go to a celebration, and then imagine that these events happen every day. Don't you want to put on a soft robe and just relax for a while without makeup or an elaborate hairstyle? Your man feels the same when he relaxes not with you, but next to his wife.
What will happen when you lose your former attractiveness (time is inexorable)? Do you have a guarantee that your lover will not run away from you at the speed of light? How will you feel when next to you is an elderly person with a lot of illnesses and a lot of problems (children or joint property acquired with his first wife)?

If you carefully analyze this situation, and then remember these questions more often, your interest in your lover will gradually fade away. It will become much easier for you to break this useless connection.

How to survive a breakup without harming yourself?

You can break up completely painlessly only when your feelings for the person have disappeared. Since this case is rare, you need to look for a way out of existing circumstances. How to survive a breakup without harming yourself:

Accept the fact that happened. Now you are not together, and it is stupid to bury yourself in worries. Try to lead an active lifestyle so that depression does not overtake you.
Throw away all reminders of the man. Stop sniffing your ex's T-shirt and looking at the teddy bear you got two years ago. Throw away or hide memorabilia. You're not a masochist, are you?
Go shopping. Now no one will drone on in your ear as you make your fifth lap around your favorite shopping center. Spend half your salary on shopping - buy what you have long dreamed of.
Sleep. In sleep, not only the body rests, but also the restless nervous system. The easiest way to get over a breakup is to get enough sleep regularly. If you experience insomnia, take a short walk in the evening and breathe in some fresh air, and also eliminate coffee and strong tea from your diet in the afternoon.
Complain to your friends. Who else can help in a difficult situation, if not the ambulance of every woman - her friend? Over a glass of wine, tell them the problem in detail and vigorously discuss everything that has boiled over.

Such techniques are the best way to help you painlessly part with your loved one. But if nothing works, you should seek professional advice.

Finding flaws

If you still don't know how to leave a relationship with a married man because you still care about him, continue to find reasons to leave. Put aside romance and rose-colored glasses, try to approach the issue as objectively as possible. Pay attention to his shortcomings, believe me, they are necessarily present in every person. Remember how he eats, dresses, behaves during a quarrel or when he doesn’t like something. Or maybe he already considers you his wife and makes you account for every step? Do you agree to continue to endure this, or do you prefer to remain independent? Time is running out, and you have to put up with the way of life that is dictated to you by a person who is still a stranger to you. Think about it and draw the right conclusions.

Confess to your husband about cheating or keep a secret

Our conversations helped Priya shed light on the complex picture of her situation. She was glad that we didn't have to pick apart her relationship with Colin. But having accepted full responsibility for the betrayal, she was filled with guilt.

“The last thing in the world I want to do is harm him.” If he finds out about everything, it will break him. He will never believe that this has nothing to do with him.

Priya found herself at a crossroads. She could have confessed to her husband that she had cheated on her, and then dealt with the consequences, as many would have advised her to do. She could also end the affair and keep everything a secret, hoping that her husband would never find out about anything. Or she could continue to lead a double life.

The first option didn't appeal to me. Although I do not accept lying, exposing the betrayal would inevitably lead to a paradigm shift. A story of self-discovery would become a story of betrayal. In my opinion, this could hardly help them.

What about the second option - quietly ending the affair? Priya tried to do this several times: she deleted his phone, returned home a different way, leaving the children at school, told herself that all this was wrong. But self-imposed restrictions invariably became new rules that she was tempted to break. Three days later, his number appeared on her phone again, recorded under a false name.

As for the third option, Priya's suffering grew in proportion to the risks. The secret tormented her. She was scared in every movie theater and in every hidden parking lot. Given all this, I was hoping to push her towards the fourth option.

She was basically telling me, “I should end this, but I don’t want to.” I saw, although she did not yet understand it, that Priya was afraid of losing not him, but the part of herself that he had awakened.

“You seem to have started a relationship with the owner of the pickup truck,” I told her. “But in fact, through him you were able to establish close contact with yourself.

To help people get out of their own affairs, it is very important to show them where the line is between the person and the experience. The affair will end, but the memories of it will remain forever.

“I don’t expect you to believe me right away, but you can end the relationship and keep everything it gave you,” I said. — You felt a surge of energy again, returned to your youth. I know you feel like leaving him will cut you off from all of this, but I want you to know that over time you will discover that some of this lives inside of you.

Children from a previous marriage

Sometimes the memory of his children can help you leave the married man you love. The point is not that they are annoying (although this can happen), it’s about the upcoming communication. Even in the most ideal scenario, you will have to completely rebuild your life to make room for children. The father will want to help them financially (which will significantly reduce your budget) and see them constantly (there is a risk of returning to his ex-wife). You will have to constantly pass the exam to become a “good stepmother”, who is forced to please her lover’s offspring in everything. And if you don’t have a relationship with them, it’s unknown which side your man will be on. You will be alone again, but at the same time a large number of people, led by your chosen one, will already be opposed to you.

Talk

Before leaving the married man you love, you need to prepare yourself mentally (this was discussed above). Then they should act in the following way: do it quickly and sharply. Don't let yourself or him doubt your decision. First of all, think about your upcoming constructive conversation. There should be no place for tears, aggression, insults, reproaches or conditions like: “If you had spent more time with me (left your wife, etc.), I would have stayed with you.” The conversation should be calm, concise and uncompromising. Don't give yourself a single chance to hesitate, you have already decided everything. It may be cruel to the lover, but he does not deserve to be treated differently. This person has wasted a significant part of your life without giving you the opportunity to live it fully.

What mistakes do women make?

When breaking up with a lover, it is common for a woman to have doubts. Especially if the man resists in every possible way. Promises to buy an expensive gift or take you to a long-awaited resort can make you change your mind.

Beautiful words can change a woman’s decision or postpone a serious conversation for an indefinite time. You should not blindly believe in a possible happy future if the intention to separate was meaningful and deliberate.

The second common mistake that a woman makes when breaking up with her lover is talking while drunk. Alcohol significantly affects a person's behavior, thoughts and feelings. Drinking alcohol “to be brave” is not a good idea for a serious conversation.

It is also inappropriate to resolve an important issue over the phone or choose the tactic of silent “self-elimination.”

Without understanding the situation, it is impossible to predict the man’s further actions, his reaction, and intentions .

In a conversation, you should not use foul language, hurl accusations and insults. If possible, parting should take place in calm tones, with a minimum of passions. Then the likelihood that the offended lover will attempt revenge is negligible.

Remorse and guilt towards their husbands often force women to confess everything to their spouse. The development of the conflict is unpredictable, but often, wives want their honesty in the very next minute.

Parting without problems

After this conversation, you will understand how to leave your beloved married lover in such a way as to end the relationship forever. During the conversation, it will definitely become clear how he feels about this. If you do everything correctly (find the most suitable place, control your intonation, speak tactfully and loyally), then the issue will be resolved. Your young man will understand everything and agree to the proposal. If he cannot immediately realize how serious this is, you need to provide for this so as not to return to this topic again. Change your phone number, your Internet address, and, if possible, your place of work and residence (at least for the first time). In a word, do everything to avoid meeting him. And if you have to meet, do not contact him under any pretext, there should not even be friendly relations.

How to behave after?

The period after the breakup will be difficult. A woman will no longer be able to live the way she used to, because an important component has disappeared from her life.

To avoid getting lost in sad thoughts, you can resort to several simple but effective techniques:

sign up for new courses, sections;
go on a trip;
keep a personal diary;
change your image.

It is important to get rid of all gifts, photographs, and memorable messages. Nothing should remind you of past relationships. Naturally, personal meetings and any communication with this man should also be excluded.

If the married lover is a boss or colleague, it is advisable to change jobs. No matter how promising this place is, it will no longer be possible to work normally there.

Not only will you have to meet your ex-partner in the office, but it is also possible that he will begin to take revenge .

Problematic breakup

Sometimes the question arises of how to leave a relationship with a married man when he categorically resists it. If you understand that you shouldn’t hope for a quick and easy departure (you are bound by certain financial obligations, the man has the ability to pursue you, has a bad character or simply can harm you), you need to act slowly but systematically. Psychologists recommend:

Constantly return to the topic of his divorce and legitimizing your relationship, and do this persistently demanding a specific answer (set deadlines).
Demand more money. Complain that you need to update your wardrobe, renovate your apartment, or buy a new car. I categorically disagree with his arguments regarding the lack of finances.
Demonstrate lack of mood, apathy, poor health. Frequently cry and throw tantrums.
Voice your desire to have a child with him, and immediately. Tell us about your gender preferences, choose names. Make sure the man understands the seriousness of your intentions.

If you do all this, the question of how to leave a married lover will automatically disappear. There is no such man in nature who could instantly fulfill these requests. Moreover, he has already become accustomed to doing nothing during the period of your relationship. The lover will probably prefer to leave on his own, and that’s all you need.

How to get out of a relationship in difficult situations?

It is not always easy to destroy an alliance that has outlived its usefulness. There are various factors that influence breakup behavior. How to painlessly part with a loved one, if not everything is so simple?

Leaving a married man

Typically, a relationship with someone's husband is like a fairy tale. Flowers, courtship and wild sex are their integral attributes. But time passes, and it becomes clear that the man is not going to leave his wife at all, but simply decided to have some fun on the side. He still feeds you with promises or meaningfully remains silent in response to reasonable questions about a future together.

It's time to change this uncertain situation in life so that you don't end up with nothing. The prospects for a relationship with a married man are disappointing. The entire novel is built on deception, because his wife most likely does not suspect anything. Reconsider the decision and use these tips on how to break up with a married person you love:

Accept the situation. Reduce the number of meetings with your partner to weaken the attachment. Let everything end not abruptly, but gradually, which will make the separation less painful.
Think through the conversation. Better yet, write down the speech and then re-read it several times. This will make it easier to build a farewell dialogue live. An exciting moment will affect composure, and a little preparation and rehearsal is the basis for a quality revelation.
Follow your line. If your partner resists the decision, don't give up. Mention his family in conversation; if there are children, focus on them. Don't change your position, you know better what to do next.
Avoid dating after a breakup. Until enough time has passed, it is better not to intersect with your ex-man. The wound in my heart is still fresh, and there is no need to stir it up with possible dates.
Think about a bright future. Being in a relationship with a married man limits you. You can’t build a real family, you can’t have children, and simple romantic walks in crowded places are simply impossible. Understand that you will definitely meet a guy who is loving and faithful.

Breaking up with a lover

If you find yourself in a situation exactly the opposite and want to break off a vicious relationship with your lover for the sake of your family, then there is an optimal solution here too. It is commendable that, having succumbed to weakness, you pulled yourself together and realized your total mistake.

How to break up with your lover? If the hobby was fleeting, then breaking such an alliance is not difficult. But in life, not everything is so simple, and sometimes partners develop strong attachments. Often it is you who prevent yourself from breaking ties with a man and returning to your family by coming up with a thousand excuses. Living on two fronts will not lead to happiness and prosperity. The issue needs to be resolved right away. If you chose family instead of an unsubstantiated hobby, start acting today. How to break up with your lover if there are feelings between you:

Find flaws in the object of passion. And don’t say that your lover consists only of merits, otherwise you wouldn’t think that you should start a relationship with him. Visualize the minuses you found and soon you yourself will feel a chill towards the man.
Let the meetings become less and less frequent. If you are unable to voice your choice and want additional time to think, then the best way in this situation is to minimize communication. This way you will start spending more time with your family and will understand whether you miss your partner. Having become unaccustomed to your lover, you will begin to perceive him more coldly.
Have a fight with him. A major quarrel will help you get away from a serious conversation. Find a reason for conflict (like any woman, you have this skill perfectly) and stop communicating. He is unlikely to call and stalk, since he has the status of a lover. So the separation will happen by itself.
Tell the man your decision. There is no need for unnecessary words and emotions. Just short and clear: “We need to break up.” Most likely he won't mind. A relationship with someone else's wife is walking on a razor's edge. How to understand that a man also wants to break up? By his easy agreement and fake frustration. If you see exactly this reaction, then there was nothing to lose. Calm down and return to your family.

How to break up with your loved one

Love is a forgiving feeling, but there is a limit to everything. Anything happens in life, and sometimes you have to make a tough but fair decision to leave the one you love with all your heart. Treason, betrayal, and vices cause the severance of a romantic relationship with a person, even if he is dear.

How to properly break up with the man you love:

Weigh the pros and cons. In order not to regret later about the wrong choice, it is necessary to analyze the situation very carefully. No one but you can make a decision, so take responsibility for breaking up with your loved one.
Give free rein to your emotions. During a breakup, you will need to pull yourself together and become calm. This is difficult to do if tears treacherously well up in your eyes. Therefore, cry into your pillow, talk to your friends or mother so that they can support you in difficult times.
Choose a time and place to talk. It is better to show respect to your partner and not blindside him with a letter of resignation in the middle of the working day or during his trip to his parents. It is better to wait for the optimal moment when the man has time to recover. Friday evening after work or Saturday morning is ideal.
Find words for a farewell dialogue. You shouldn’t start everything with mutual reproaches. Voice the decision gently but persistently and listen if the man has something to say. Be prepared for a negative reaction, but don't allow yourself to be manipulated.

You will need mental strength to break up. Don’t be afraid that you won’t cope – time heals. Contact a psychologist or take a course of sedatives if you really can’t bear it. But the reserve of the human body is unrealistically large, so believe in your strength.

How to part with a scoundrel?

Some men use girls for their own purposes without experiencing romantic feelings. Such scoundrels may covet a high position in the society of their chosen one, her connections, money, or they simply want to receive regular sex and emotions, but do not really love the woman. If you realize that you have fallen into the network of such a person, then the only right decision will be to get out of them and take a deep breath.

How to break up with a man who is blatantly using you:

Cultivate resentment. After all, you deserve better treatment, why endure moral bullying? Think about how a man treats you badly. Then parting will become much easier. There is no need to come up with excuses for your lover - you must see the situation soberly.
Tell him everything that’s boiling over. Just in this case, you shouldn’t hold back your emotions. Maybe the man’s conscience will not awaken, but you will throw out the accumulated negative energy. And you will feel relieved, since the last word will remain with you.
Take revenge if your soul asks. A woman is scary when she's angry. When you can’t part on good terms, act as your heart tells you. Come up with a dirty trick that will be remembered for a long time and will help teach your former gentleman a lesson.

Don't be burdened with hopeless relationships. After breaking up with a man who is using you, you will feel as if a stone has been lifted from your soul, preventing you from living.

Breakup with husband

Women who have left for a lover may also feel differently. If we are talking about a situation in which your ex-husband behaved extremely badly, then this is the most favorable of all outcomes. Every woman has the right to happiness, and no one is obliged to suffer with an unloved or unworthy man. If your ex-spouse is against it (which happens very often) and there are children in your family, you need to find the most suitable compromise for everyone. You should not neglect the feelings of other people for the sake of your personal happiness. You need to try to tactfully convey your position to each family member and solve all the problems that have arisen in connection with the changes.

Breakup of a married woman with her lover

If a woman left her lover on her own, it means that she had enough strength to cope with this problem on her own. She probably had the opportunity to compare the two men and make the final choice. The reason for leaving could be the lack of prospects with a new young man (he was satisfied with a relationship in which he did not need to officially register the marriage). Perhaps the children became an obstacle to the emergence of a new union (the lover was indifferent to them or did not accept them).

In any case, psychologists recommend looking at your husband in a new way in this situation. After your return (it doesn’t matter whether he knows about your connection or not), you need to try to do everything so that the family reaches a new level. It’s not in vain that you paid attention to another man; this indicates that there were problems in your relationship. Diversify your leisure time, change the environment (globally or locally), communicate more, remember your feelings during your first dates and try to renew them.

If you're left alone

Ding-ding, reminder once again: he was not free from the beginning! If he was not going to leave his family, then the denouement had to begin sometime. What ways can you think of to forget this man?

It will also be useful: How to find a lover

Drastic changes

There is one tricky way you can try to deceive yourself. Do you remember the movie “50 First Dates”? There, the main character forgot every previous day, living only for today. She had her own habits, starting early in the morning.

You need the same thing - just remove from yourself the time in which you lived, loving your married man. To get started, do this:

You cannot change your place of residence, but you can move the furniture in this apartment. This is necessary so that the old environment does not remind you of the visits of your ex-boyfriend, if the meetings took place at your home.
At least change the curtains to a more cheerful color if you can't re-stick the wallpaper. Orange, yellow and green shades lift your spirits and help cope with depression. A small thing, but very important.
The reflection in the mirror should also give off some other image, different from today’s. Yes, everything is banal and simple - change your hairstyle, hair color, clothing style. This is not for beauty, but for dramatic changes.

Now change your habits, starting in the morning:

Are you used to drinking tea and sandwiches for breakfast? Drink cocoa with croissants.
Do you like girly melodramas? They are of no use now, watch comedies.
Do you usually go to bed with your head facing west? Shift to the east.

Changes must occur in your life that contradict your usual way of life, even in small things. It is from this day that your fight against depression will begin.

Don't think it will be easy right away. But you just need to focus on that unusual day for you, which will become a habit. It will be easier later. But this is the first step towards liberation.

Recovery Tips

When the separation has already occurred, the following question may arise: how to leave your beloved married man or lover (in the case of a married woman) with the least loss for your well-being? After all, the breakup of a long-term relationship is usually very painful and often ends not only in severe depression, but also in the emergence or intensification of chronic diseases. To prevent this from happening, it is recommended to take the following steps:

Share your experiences with loved ones. If there are none or you do not want to advertise your condition, describe all your feelings and sensations on paper, and then burn it.
Seek help from specialists.
Change your wardrobe, pick up a new look, try to become different, completely refresh yourself.
Change your place of residence at least temporarily.
If it is not possible to move to other conditions, make repairs (cosmetic ones are enough).
Don't be alone, go to crowded places, don't ignore new acquaintances (not necessarily with men).
If you are married, try to discover (or simply remember) positive qualities in your husband.
Find yourself a new hobby.

Useful advice from psychologists

After a breakup, both men and women may experience psychological problems that need to be dealt with.

To easily cope with the biggest disappointment in your life, it is important to listen to the following advice:

You need to radically change your image: dye your hair, get eyelash extensions, get a haircut, grow bangs. With a change of image always comes a new life, in which there will be no past memories.
If possible, go on a trip. Any change of scenery will be beneficial after a breakup. You can take a vacation, go with a friend to the sea or to another city for the weekend. Once you return, you will see improvements in your emotional state.
Don't hold on to past relationships. At first, you need to fight with yourself, with your habits and desires to call or write to your ex. Such manipulations will only aggravate the situation and destroy you from the inside even more. Psychologists recommend cutting off all connections and meetings from the first day.
Engage in self-development. A beautiful and confident woman never goes unnoticed. Just love yourself and you will see how much the world and others love you.

These tips from psychologists will help you tune in to the right wave in life, gain psychological stability and get out of a state of depression and depression as quickly as possible.