How to get a girl back after a breakup: how to understand that a woman will return, what problems need to be worked out before restoring the relationship, how to offer to make peace?

08/22/201602/06/2017 Nadezhda Plotnikova

Did your beloved leave for someone else, just fall out of love, and realize that you are not on the same path? There are many possible reasons and reasons for such an act. And although it seems that now it is too late to do anything, the heart and feelings protest in every possible way against “giving up their positions.”

The question of how to return a beloved girl worried young people many centuries ago and has not yet lost its relevance. What to do? First of all, you need to understand that you won’t be able to step into the same river twice, but it is possible to change yourself and try again to improve relationships.

How to understand that a woman will return?

Against this background, several main cases can be distinguished .
Sometimes a representative of the fair sex is a little hesitant and just wants to step away for a while. If she is nervous in the presence of a man and often shows awkwardness, she is definitely not indifferent to her ex.

In this case, it is advisable for the man to begin active steps to renew the partnership when the woman calms down. She shouldn't claim that everything happened too quickly.

So that a woman is not afraid of frank intentions, it makes sense to go into the shadows for a while . If a girl still feels something, constantly remembers the past in correspondence and tries to “meet by chance” - this also indicates a predisposition towards her ex-man.

It happens that growing problems and conflicts forced her to leave, so it is important to do everything possible to show the chosen one that this will not happen again.

It may also be that we are simply dealing with completely unrequited love - and this is the most difficult case for a representative of the stronger sex. It is unlikely that such a woman will want to return on her own.

We focus on career/earnings and success

Work is an effective way to redirect your energy, take your mind off personal problems and achieve the desired financial well-being. Constant employment helps you forget about a painful breakup, avoid meetings or phone calls, and find your place in life. A new project, moving to another position, opening your own business, international internship are integral parts of male self-realization.

Not having to spend money on restaurants/gifts/vacations together is a great way to save some money to invest in study and self-development.

The time has come to take English courses, learn to play the guitar and fulfill other long-standing “wants” for which there was no time or money before.

Step by step, a man turns into an “advanced” version of himself, becomes self-sufficient, can forget without regret the woman who betrayed him, and calmly build new relationships, or easily get back into a relationship with his ex (although this is questionable, because “broken vase" will never be the same as before).

What issues need to be worked through before the relationship can be restored?

Before returning a woman, it is necessary to work out the return of women's trust . When is it okay to break another person's trust? First of all, when it comes to betrayal and lies, but also when there is disappointment for any other reason in a situation that is important for a woman.

Rebuilding trust is a long process, and it is necessary to understand that a banal apology is not enough.

In addition to these, other aspects are also important:

The first is to ensure that trust is not lost again.
The man must prove that this time he is telling the truth and the woman will not be disappointed. This is why it is so important, for example, to break contact with the person with whom you cheated on your partner.
The second aspect is to restore intimacy and restore trust by showing that trust is mutual.
A man must clearly show that he is ready to try, fight for the relationship, accept punishment with humility, but also become closer to his chosen one in order to prove that the woman needs him. If there is a lie in the past, a man feels guilty about hiding something, he can say this directly: “I want our relationship to be based on mutual trust.”

A big part of the process of rebuilding trust must be dealing with the problem that undermined that trust. Demonstrating that a man cares about his resolution and is able to take responsibility is an important step towards restoring the trust of a loved one.

If she forgives you and trusts you again, prove that she will not regret it , but also try not to let her constantly return to bad experiences and blame us for mistakes.

"Reboot" on the other

New acquaintances and flirting are the best way to gain self-confidence, make sure you are attractive to women and increase your self-esteem a little.

To “cheer up”, it is enough to go on a date several times: it is quite possible that a man will meet “the one” and become convinced of the pointlessness of restoring past relationships. If not, it’s important to tell your new acquaintance honestly that you’re not ready for serious intentions.

You shouldn't make someone else suffer because of your continued love for your ex.

If a man wants to get his girlfriend back, “reboot” is also a great option. If on a date he accidentally catches the eye of his ex’s friends and acquaintances, they will convey interesting information to her. This will show the woman what a mistake she made when she decided to break up.

How to offer to make peace?

You can say your decision directly or write an email if you don’t have the courage to voice your feelings while looking into your eyes. The message recommends asking for forgiveness and saying: “I thought a lot and realized that I behaved wrongly.

Then it is permissible to talk about the news from your life after separation - without flirting, provoking jealousy and other actions that can cause negative associations in a woman.

Sometimes a simple phrase “I'm thinking about you,” which will remind you of the feelings you experienced, is enough for a woman to take the first step towards reconciliation. But you shouldn’t talk openly about love and passion right away - this can scare away your ex-girlfriend.

No snot with mutual friends/acquaintances and on social networks

A typical mistake a man makes after a breakup is to sit with friends with a bottle of alcohol, complain about life, and tell him how bad he feels because his loved one left. If these are your mutual friends, you can’t do this. Information told confidentially over a drink will reach the ears of the ex, and she will once again be convinced of her power over the guy, and that she did everything right.

If you really want to share, choose reliable friends who do not communicate with your significant other and definitely will not run to tell her about what they heard.

Against the backdrop of a breakup, not only girls are drawn to rash and stupid actions. Men can also write tearful posts on social networks, post stories with sad music on Instagram, etc. After a breakup, the girl will monitor all the guy’s pages, given that he doesn’t get in touch, so “snotty” posts are of no use.

But posting a photo of a vacation with friends or another positive photo is the right strategy.

How to behave correctly?

Let's look at how a man can get a woman to come back:

If the man himself initiated the breakup

Is it always possible to return a loved one if you yourself want to leave? Of course, because female nature is very quick-witted. Therefore, in this case, it is reassuring that there are always chances (small or large). But a lot really depends on the real man.

First of all, it is important:

Establish contact with your loved one and explore the “neighborhood” around him.
For example, scout out the situation with the help of a close relative or friend who is friendly to you.
To be able to start the first conversation with your partner after separation, choose a favorable atmosphere: your favorite cafe or an important place.
You can also try organizing a casual meeting at which you can voice all the most unshakable arguments in favor of why you regret what happened.
If a woman mentally asks herself if things have really changed for you and if she should consider giving you a second chance, then you've almost won.
The main thing is not to show all your cards at once and do not clearly show that you want to return to the woman - it is better to focus on creating appropriate, positive emotions and a little sexual tension. From there everything should go smoothly!

If the woman left on her own

The woman she loves may show pride and, therefore, refuse to return, especially if she herself was the initiator of the breakup. She may want to punish you: “Let her suffer like I did.”

What you should do is respect someone else's decision and step aside a little . This approach can help with lightning speed (if the person who broke up with us is not firm and hesitates in his decision). In addition, resting and standing at a distance gives more space for the right actions and increases the chances that your loved one will get bored and change her mind.

The most important secret of how to act in this case is to apologize once, but really honestly. You need to try to explain what you really want. And don't expect immediate forgiveness.

You must give the other person time and space so that he does not feel manipulated, but comes back on his own, maintaining and even demonstrating his sense of self-worth.

Once this happens, you must gradually develop the new intimacy so as, firstly, not to scare off your companion, and secondly, to ensure that she does not change her mind and does not change her decision to return.

What should you not do?

Before considering ways to get your girlfriend back, you need to clarify the list of actions that are strictly contraindicated. Is it possible to resort to them? Yes, but only if you want to turn your ex-lover away from you forever.

There is no need to constantly call, talk about love, send gifts. Women's psychology is such that a guy kneeling and begging for forgiveness seems like a creature unworthy of attention. Your active imposition will generally destroy at least some respect and alienate your ex-lover even more.
Stop threatening to commit suicide. Unfortunately, this method is quite common among the stronger sex. Firstly, even if this works, then keeping the girl next to you will not be love, but pity. Secondly, next time such a trick will not work, since the young lady will develop a kind of immunity to threats.
One should not promise global changes. The notorious female psychology forces girls to believe not in logical arguments, but in emotions and sensations. She will not understand the global nature of your plans; she needs sensory evidence: to look, to feel the difference. Only then will she be able to trust you.
Do not drown out the pain and your blues with alcoholic drinks. Alcohol only enhances real emotions. If you are sad, then a few glasses of strong alcoholic drink will only increase the intensity of this mood. Besides, you don’t want to sink even further in the eyes of your ex-darling?

Rebirth of feelings after a long breakup

In case of prolonged rupture, you should pay attention to the following:

What exactly caused this person to leave for a long time.
We rarely end relationships overnight, and the reason for the breakup is usually due to certain patterns.
Don't count on your loved one to make it easy for you and tell you directly that he wants to come back. You should do some self-reflection considering that your good intentions may have backfired.
The principle of “total ignoring”: this rule should be applied in the vast majority of cases. Cutting off contact for a period of time, for example, 3 months with a person who left us, allows us to make changes in the world, cope with negative emotions and regain some control over the situation.
Intuitive actions: if you need to bring back a woman who has left for a long time, you cannot rely on chance. If there is a belief that the woman you are attracted to is not confident in us and therefore wants to take a long break, we should not ignore this issue, but take it as a sign that we need to fight for it so that a final separation does not occur.

In such a situation, reverse psychology comes to the rescue, suggesting taking actions that seem contrary to common sense. However, they are designed to evoke certain emotional reactions and push our loved one to make a decision that is favorable to us.

Take a break and adjust your behavior according to the traditional breakup recovery strategy, i.e., no contact, change for the better, and make a second attempt to approach or provoke your loved one.

If a woman clearly has some doubts that haunt her, try to minimize these concerns. If a man notices that something is wrong in an honest conversation and sincerely invites himself to take some time to solve the problem, this will change the situation for the better.

Convince the woman to identify herself and try to make her understand that you don't want to lose her.

What to do if her feelings have cooled down

In a relationship, the presence of harmony and mutual understanding is very important, but it does not always reign between a couple. More often the opposite happens, conflicts and resentments occur. Often, as a result, old feelings cool down. As a result, an obsessive question arises in the guys’ heads: “how to get a girl back if she’s fallen out of love.” Often the stronger half is tormented by this issue because their pride is simply wounded. But this feeling will not help in returning your partner’s love. If the desire “I want to return the girl” is based on love for your partner, then you need to be patient and follow the rules presented below.

Firstly, it is not recommended to have a heated showdown with the girl; there is also no need to reproach her, much less threaten her. A man must be guided by reason and remember that he is, first of all, a civilized person, and not a Neanderthal. Threats and reproaches will only push the chosen one away even more.

Also, one should not put pressure on a woman’s feeling of pity. Since such actions can evoke pity, and where there is pity for a man, there is no place for love. Therefore, you should not tell your loved one how bad it is without her.

Before taking any action, you should wait until your emotions subside so that you can adequately assess your own actions and understand the reasons that led to your feelings cooling down. If you cannot independently identify the cause of the cooling, then you can ask advice from those close to you who observed the couple’s relationship. Finding the cause of the breakup is the key to the success of returning old feelings. Since the reason is a kind of direction in which you need to move to win the heart of your beloved.

You should not constantly tell your chosen one about your own love. It will only tire her out. It is better to demonstrate a friendly attitude towards her. It is necessary to begin to unobtrusively take an interest in her life and work. You can also offer help in resolving any issues. It is recommended to do everything possible to make your beloved realize that you can rely on a man. Girls love reliable and responsible individuals.

Also, you should not think that the reason for the girl’s cooling of feelings was the guy’s bad behavior. Most likely, on the contrary, if the guy was too helpful, fulfilled every woman’s whim, took into account exclusively the desires of the chosen one, even those that went against his own, then it was precisely this behavior that served as the impetus for the cooling of feelings. Men must always follow one immutable rule, which is as follows. The fair half should never occupy absolutely all men's thoughts. You must always leave space for your own personality. Successful and strong male individuals, in most cases, put their own desires first and sometimes compromise.

It should also be taken into account that the set of attractive personality traits differs between ladies and gentlemen. For the male part of a woman, an attractive appearance, her figure, her face are quite important, while for women in the stronger half it is more important to have leadership qualities, determination, reliability, responsibility, self-confidence, courage and other traits that make a male individual a man . It seems nothing complicated and quite simple to meet the described ideal of attractiveness for women, but in practice a lot depends on the little things. For example, girls often ask guys how they plan to spend their time today, to which the guys answer that they themselves don’t know and invite the girls to decide, thereby demonstrating their unattractive trait called “lack of leadership qualities.” Therefore, if a man is looking for a solution to the problem of “how to get a girl back if she has fallen out of love,” then first of all, he needs to eliminate all unattractive traits in himself, replacing them with attractive ones.

Main mistakes

Essentially, every relationship is different, and each individual situation has additional obstacles. However, some universal principles remain the same because this is where the basic mistakes happen that ruin your chances of success:

Pressure .
The biggest and most common mistake we make after breaking up with a loved one is putting pressure on him. This can take various forms:
- an attempt to beg for attention at any opportunity,
buying gifts and theatrical gestures in the style of romantic comedies,
searching for allies among a friend’s inner circle,
blackmail and awakening pity.
Reluctance/excessive desire to change oneself and change the situation, which served as the main reason for separation. Breakups happen in most cases because something went wrong in the partnership aspect. But you shouldn’t show too much feigned interest and commitment, trying to appear to be someone you really are not.
To get your partner back, you need balanced changes - those that will be noticed and appreciated. Therefore, it is worth reflecting on yourself, taking stock of the relationship and drawing constructive conclusions. Then think about what you can improve to interest your chosen one.
Changes in appearance are obvious at first glance, but the most important ones are related to our lifestyle, approach to controversial issues, our ambitions, goals and plans, as well as worldview and character.
Feigned modesty and invisibility. Vice versa! In such a delicate situation, it is important to do everything to stand out. If we want to get back into the circle of interests of our ex, we need to plan well what impression we want to make on him or her.
Ideal = create an atmosphere of surprise, because it itself creates curiosity. Your task now is to show that we are different, more attractive, better. For example, publicly boast about your (professional, scientific) achievements or a key life change (a new hobby, promotion on the career ladder, moving to improved living conditions).
In addition, you should not forget about social relations: be friendly, responsive and interesting, a good organizer of parties and spending time together. Do everything possible to evoke in your loved one the same emotions that you had when you first met.

Non-standard methods of getting your ex-girlfriend back

If you are unable to return the feelings of your ex-girlfriend using the methods described above, try turning to other, not entirely standard methods. The only condition is that you must firmly believe that such methods will help you, even if the girl has left for someone else.

Prayer

A prayer for the return of a beloved must come from a pure heart. It is love and sincere feelings that will help make it as effective as possible. If you want to achieve guaranteed success, you should not rush and bother the girl, since it is unlikely that she will change her decision so abruptly.

The prayer should be read by a baptized person; you can turn to God, his son or your own guardian angel. There are many prayers that should help bring back lovers. The prayer to Saint Matrona looks like this:

“Holy Matronushka! I turn my prayers to you! Please, save my love, turn slave (name) back! Ask the Lord for blessings! I pray to you with words from my heart! With bow, Matronushka, to you, amen!”

You can read the prayer both at home and in church. However, priests advise performing the sacrament in the temple so that the effect is more clear. Regardless of who your prayer is addressed to, stand near the icon, take a lighted candle or lamp.

Love spell from a photo

If you belong to the category of people who are sure that love and feelings must be fought for by any means, try to return your ex-lover using magical rituals - for example, by bewitching her using a photograph.

Esotericists consider a photo to be an imprint of the human aura containing a particle of the information field. The sequence of actions during divination looks like this:

Peer carefully at the image of the girl, imagining a happy future together.
Light the wax candle and take the photo. Say your wish by turning the photo face down and passing it over the fire.
Say the following words: “As I, the servant of God (your name), yearn for the servant of God (name of the chosen one), so let her yearn for me! Amen!"
Then set the photo on fire with a candle flame, and the ashes need to be scattered in the wind.

It is extremely difficult to return a former lover who has fallen out of love, but you can interest her in your new personality, in an improved way. To return love and refresh the feelings of your old girlfriend, love yourself. This will help you understand your own priorities, look at old relationships with new eyes and choose the right strategy. Good luck to you!

Hear her side

To help your girlfriend feel heard, Parker recommends introducing yourself as someone outside the relationship who cares about both of you. Ask yourself what this person might see that is missing from your own perspective, and acknowledge any valid arguments your partner has.

For example, you could say:

“I understand that you didn’t call me to warn me that you would be returning home late because you got carried away with the project and lost track of time. This happened to me too.”

M+F Why you should always listen to what your girlfriend tells you (we're not kidding)

Give her time

Just like you, a girl may need some time after a fight to be alone with her thoughts and feelings, so give her this opportunity.

“Avoid the temptation to continue to cling to your partner after the fight is over. By punishing him and continuing to reproach him, you are more likely to aggravate the conflict than contribute to its resolution,” recommends Parker.

Cheer yourself up

“Pleasurable sensations can help our bodies relax and feel less stressed, even in times of conflict,” says Parker.

So, if you feel like dragging out a fight even if everything that needs to be said has already been said, try to remember a time when your girlfriend did something nice for you, something you appreciated about her, or even just some good memory not associated with her.

Or do something that makes you happy, like drinking a cup of tea or playing with a pet.

Admit you're wrong

If the cause of the conflict was an offense on your part, because of which your girlfriend was very unhappy, find the strength to admit your mistake. Try to analyze what exactly you did wrong, and also sincerely apologize for what happened.

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Parker advises:

“Remember that the most effective way to avoid repeating a quarrel because of your mistake in the future is to prove by action that you have drawn conclusions from what happened and are ready to take certain steps to improve your relationship.”

In contact with

You should only make attempts to make peace with a girl online if she wants to forgive her offender. You need to find words that will help you forget about the scandal and remind you of the good. Express your feelings without hiding, give your loved one virtual gifts, like photos and write comments on them. Try using humor when reconciling.

If you want to be original, master Photoshop and make a collage of their photos together with captions. Post your finished picture for discussion among friends. Let them write what a beautiful couple you are. The opinions of others will definitely affect the girl’s mood and disposition.

By SMS

A personal meeting after a quarrel is not always the best method for restoring relationships if the woman is angry and does not want to talk to the offender. In this situation, telephones and SMS come to the aid of men. The following messages will help you make peace with a girl after a breakup, betrayal, or major scandal:

Romantic. These are sweet letters about what you miss, love, and dream of meeting.

Let mountain meet mountain, let all the seas merge into one, then we will part with you, but now you are only mine and I will not let you go anywhere.

Beautiful. Be sure to contain compliments and declarations of love.

What a pity that I can’t touch you with my hand, my unshaven cheek. I love you so much.

Funny. They should make the girl smile and lift her spirits.

And I am luckier than anyone in this world: every morning two suns shine for me - one in the sky, the second is you.