For a whole year, my relationship with the man I loved resembled a swing: we came together, then diverged again. He started new affairs, but I didn’t understand what I was doing wrong. A relationship restoration course helped me find mistakes. As a result, the beloved returned with serious intentions and big plans for the future. Now everything is wonderful with us. What I was wrong about and how I managed to fix it - read on.
Now I know for sure: even if your loved one has stopped communicating, nothing is lost yet, love can be returned.
The same magical program that helped me and 2000+ other women get their beloved man back is
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Losing and rebuilding relationships: my personal experience
I had a problem. My beloved and I broke up, and he did not seek to restore our relationship. During this very period, on YouTube, I came across Elizaveta Volkova’s channel: I was attracted by the idea that I could build a relationship with any man I wanted. So I came to a course on restoring relationships.
But when I began to figure out in practice how to get my beloved man back, our romance turned into a swing: now everything is good, then everything is bad. Over the course of the year, we either restored relations or broke them off again. He made new acquaintances with women whom I myself attracted into his life.
For a long time I didn’t realize what exactly I was doing wrong - after all, I honestly tried various methods and practices. At times I became frustrated and stopped trying to restore the relationship altogether. And then she returned to practice again, with renewed energy.
At this point, my mental anguish is a thing of the past. My beloved man announced that he wanted to be with me, and I moved with him - to the city where he lives, to his apartment. We restored our serious and happy relationship. The “third party” has left our lives, and now there is only us.
Once upon a time, all this seemed to me like a fairytale dream, an unattainable dream. But now I know how to restore a relationship with a loved one - even from the ashes.
Analyzing my experience, I compiled a list of the most important women’s mistakes in relationships with men - those that prevented us from being together for a long time. Check, perhaps in some situations you behave the same way.
How to overcome depression after a breakup?
Try to understand some of the components that are involved in the structure of love and then it will become clear what to do with this feeling and its consequences. Psychologists distinguish the following stages of emotional attachment: the emergence of attraction, falling in love, attachment. The main participants in the drama are dopamine, serotonin, and endorphins. The worst offender in romantic relationships is dopamine.
Romantic love cannot last forever. Such love ends for biochemical reasons. The very effect of biologically active substances, which determine the emotional attitude, fades over time, and for this reason, desire also decreases. Those people who are addicted to dopamine love become disappointed after three years, and their love dies. This does not mean that you are bad if someone broke up with you. It’s just that your chosen one has stopped experiencing the pleasure of being with you. The statistics of divorces in the first years of a newlywed’s life is proof of this.
Mistake 1: Taking initiative
Everything that a person hunts for in his life inevitably escapes.
"Men love bitches"
Sherry Argov, New York Times bestselling author
The first mistake, because of which I did not understand for a long time how to restore a relationship with a man, was taking the initiative. I believed that if I disappeared from my lover’s radar, he would forget me and be carried away by someone else. But everything turned out the other way around: the more often I reminded myself, the more my beloved moved away from me. He even began to court another girl.
For some reason, the first thing that comes to mind when looking for an answer to the question “How to get your loved one back?” is restoring the relationship through some kind of action in the material world. Do you think so too? But here's what happens:
- you come up with some kind of plan (call, write, meet) and begin to act;
- as soon as you appear in your man’s life, the same old scenario starts, which once ended in separation;
- As a result, the situation either remains unchanged, or everything becomes even worse.
But it is very important to let the man go. Think about whether you really want to restore the old relationship model that once led to their breakup?
While you hold a man and do not give him freedom, he increasingly strives to run away from you. And during this period he is ready to think only about his escape, and not about restoring his relationship with you. What to do?
How to correct a mistake in a relationship with a man
Try to act like a king: let him go calmly, without scandals and humiliations, and get on with your life. Let the man forget everything negative that happened between you, get bored and figure out how to restore your relationship.
Only when I was able to let go of the situation and accept that my man wants to be free, he wanted to be with me.
Life after a long relationship - how to get over a breakup
After a long relationship, perhaps even marriage, recovery is much more difficult.
Partners are used to seeing each other every day, communicating, sharing impressions, and then it all disappears. It seems that life has lost its meaning. How to be? Here are a couple of tips from psychologists that will help you cope with what happened in the least painful way:
Change of image
Dye your hair a color you haven't dared to dye before, change your clothing style, go to a beauty salon and spend money on yourself. This change has a positive effect on a person’s emotional and mental state.
Sport
“Movement is life,” says popular wisdom. Indeed, physical activity can make you more fit, improve your health and lift your mood. So feel free to turn on your favorite music, exercise or dance at home.
Trips
A change of environment, and therefore new acquaintances and impressions, will also help to cope with the loss of a loved one. Mountains, sea, village or bustling city, it's up to you
It is important that you rethink your previous values and find the strength to live even better
Self-development
We receive joy hormones such as serotonin and endorphin from our loved one during a relationship. At the same time, people often forget about their hobbies and interests. With the departure of your partner, you can again plunge headlong into science or creativity.
How to get rid of mental anguish after a breakup?
Oddly enough, you need to talk to your ex-partner. Find out why he left you. This will help you learn what not to do in your relationship in the future, and it will also calm down your resentment about what happened.
Throw out all your partner’s things and don’t blame yourself for what happened. Once he left, it means he’s not worth grieving for.
Tips on how to survive a breakup with a loved one are suitable for both a girl and a guy, as well as a man and a woman. Let go of what has become obsolete and ended. Be happy because you deserve it!
Video about how to get over a breakup with a guy.
Video about how to get over a breakup with a girl.
Mistake 2. Attachment to deadlines and dates
Often girls, dreaming of returning love, become attached to certain dates, for example:
- I want him to come to me on February 14 with flowers and a declaration of love;
- I want us to get married on May 20 this year.
Attachment to deadlines is nothing more than inflated importance, which prevents not only the restoration of relationships, but also the fulfillment of any desire. You can learn more about the inflated importance of desires and ways to reduce it in the books of Vadim Zeland, the author of the doctrine of reality transurfing.
On the subject: How can a woman reduce the IMPORTANCE of desire when attracting love?
In addition, by being fixated on a certain date, you show your distrust of the Universe. I'll explain with my own example.
How I jinxed my wedding
I really wanted a summer wedding with a beautiful date in August 2020. But the closer this day got, the more anxiety grew in me. And when the wish was not fulfilled at the appointed time, I was very disappointed. I decided that our relationship was completely destroyed.
By being fixated on the date, I did not give the Universe the opportunity to realize everything in the way that would be better and more correct for me.
How to correct a mistake in a relationship with a man
If you're going to attract what you truly want, does it matter when it happens? The Universe or the higher mind - there is always some force that will make your dreams come true in an UNEXPECTED way, at the best moment for this. You do not need to fight for what you want. Just be patient and allow yourself to have it. Imagine your ideal relationship with a man. Try to feel them as if all this has already come true.
Desire has no power. It can't even lift a finger. This is done by intention, that is, the determination to act. Intention also includes the willingness to have.
Vadim Zeland “Reality Transurfing”
The moment you let go of deadlines, you demonstrate faith and gain determination, and your intention gains strength. And then the wish comes true much faster and better than you could imagine. The man himself makes the decision on how to restore your relationship.
Mistake 3. Lack of interests and hobbies
At some point, my whole life turned into one continuous practice of getting my loved one back. Meditations, affirmations, visualizations...
I was like a squeezed lemon. Practices took up all my free time, I didn’t see my friends and forgot about my hobbies. Real life passed me by. And here lies another mistake - perhaps yours too.
Understand that endless daily practices will not make your wish come true any faster; you will only waste your energy. Men have a great sense of when a woman is in a resourceful state and when she is not. Remember this.
How to correct a mistake in a relationship with a man
There is no need to work with your subconscious 24/7. Take time and do what you like or liked before you were in a relationship with a man.
For example, I remembered that I love to draw: it allows me to concentrate and relax. I slowed down the pace of my studies and began to devote more time to myself, my hobbies and meeting with friends.
Is there anything in your life that you, for some reason, stopped doing when your relationship began? Bring these activities back into your life.
There are methods for restoring relationships that do not require a lot of time and effort. You attract your man by being beautiful and full of energy.
Learn more about these methods in Elizaveta Volkova’s master class
“How to get your beloved man back in 35 days.”
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Reaction to a stimulus: first actions
Thus, a man intuitively understands that he can reach exhaustion without the usual energy supply, and his subconscious reacts with an alarm signal. It seems that there are no visible reasons for the breakup, so it’s difficult to even blame a woman for something, but there is anxiety, and it helps to achieve maximum clarity in the relationship.
So, if you are experiencing a state of anxiety, the first thing you need to understand is that the woman is disgusted with you. Therefore, the list of proposals that a man makes in an attempt to return the relationship should be completely different.
Mistake 4. Negative attitude towards life and the current situation
Do you ever get in that mood when you want to complain to your friends and tell the whole world how bad everything is? When are you angry at your man for something he did, or angry for something he didn't do?
The paradox is that the more irritated and sad you become, the more often the Universe creates situations for you that cause similar emotions again and again.
So I used to answer a friend’s question, “How are you and your loved one?” Every time I complained that he didn’t write, didn’t call, didn’t pay attention to me and didn’t want to be with me at all. Thus, I attracted this attitude towards myself more and more. It's scary to think how this could end...
How to correct a mistake in a relationship with a man
What did I do to change the situation and ultimately restore the relationship with my loved one?
Firstly,
I stopped discussing my personal life with others. If they asked questions, she would answer that everything was fine, that there was harmony and mutual understanding with her loved one (even though things were completely different at that time).
Secondly,
I stopped communicating with people who were only interested in the negative. Surely you also know those who like to gossip, who really blossom when they hear that everything is bad for someone.
Third,
focused on maintaining
the desired state
. I am the creator of my reality and I build my own destiny. And this requires a state of awareness, increased vibrations and positive emotions.
You must learn to maintain this state for as long as possible. It won't be easy at first, but every day it gets easier.
Start by maintaining a state of mindfulness for 15-30 minutes a day. Be present here and now
and enjoy your life.
Remember: your life is programmed precisely in the moment “here and now”. There is no need to live in the future or constantly return yourself to the negative past, con. The Universe itself knows how to return your loved one and restore your relationship - just let it.
On the subject: How to win back a guy or girl with the power of thought - 6 steps
Relieving pressure: freedom in decision making and increased weight
And here the distancing technique works, by performing this manipulation (by the way, in some cases this happens naturally) you increase your weight in the eyes of a woman. This is a process of removing any pressure from a woman, she wants you to finally leave her alone - and you do it.
It seems that this is happiness for a woman! But no, human psychology is structured somewhat differently, we are accustomed to something completely different - if we are really needed, they try to keep us in every possible way, they try to preserve love.
In the standard case, a man often subconsciously wants, so to speak, to “put a woman in a cage”, to make her completely belong only to him. However, this approach has never led to any good, desired results in relationships.
If a man acts in this way, the lightness leaves the relationship, there is less and less love in it, the atmosphere of the relationship for the woman becomes more and more suffocating and toxic. Distancing allows you to completely remove the pressure from her and give her a feeling of liberation and joy, because finally the woman has escaped from captivity in the form of your control, and in general - now she does not need to endure your presence.
Mistake 5. Demanding and wanting to have everything immediately
And then the moment comes when a man, after several months of silence, suddenly appears. He writes to you, invites you to a meeting, or even suggests restoring the relationship.
And at this moment, many girls, like me once, become demanding
, which is an error.
Naively believing that I had achieved my goal and returned my beloved, I began to demand... Demand that he immediately give me a huge bouquet of roses. To offer his hand and heart. To announce publicly that he loves me and is committed to a serious long-term relationship. To…
All this led to the swing of our relationship rolling back again.
How to correct a mistake in a relationship with a man
If you have scared off your loved one by being too demanding, start acting calmly. The next time he appears in your life again (and if you do everything right, it will definitely happen) remember that you are the Queen.
Do not make claims or impose conditions. But don’t let them treat you in a way you don’t like. Of course, you deserve better. But if a man is too busy to spend time with you, you should always have a backup plan - something to do without him.
If he decides to do without flowers, buy yourself a large bouquet yourself. Let him think that you have other fans. If you're in no hurry to give a ring box, don't show how much you want it. Remember to have a backup option - meet with friends, engage in hobbies, go to the cinema or to the gym.
Should I put an end to it?
With our actions or words, sometimes we unwittingly offend loved ones, which can lead to a breakup. Some time after the quarrel, the understanding comes that the problem is not so big as to put an end to it.
After the insight, another problem arises, how to improve relationships, make concessions, because everyone’s pride begins to “play.”
The love and advice of a psychologist will help you restore your relationship after a breakup and find happiness again.
Reasons for separation, according to statistics
- A relationship crisis, when respect for a partner and tenderness suddenly disappear.
- Quarrels over trifles, which accumulate negativity towards each other over the years. Most often these are domestic issues, disagreements over raising children, problems with finances.
- Jealousy, distrust of the partner, constant reproaches.
- Treason. This reason most often leads to separation. Today it is no longer considered too vicious to have a boyfriend or girlfriend on the side. But for many, such behavior from a partner is unacceptable, so betrayal is followed by a breakup.
Is it possible to live your whole life with one person?
Psychologists say it is possible. You can even get your relationship back after any breakup if you want.
What helps preserve a family unit? This is sincerity, discussing problems, talking about everything openly and honestly. If problems arise, discuss them together and find a solution together.
Honesty and trust are the basis of strong relationships. The partner must be 100% sure that he will not be betrayed or stabbed in the back.
Supporting each other is an important part of a strong family life. Don't make fun of your partner, even if his plans seem ridiculous. Discuss it calmly.
Don't think that your partner has to entertain you or do something nice. Do something nice yourself, without reproaching, without putting yourself forward. Have fun together, sometimes letting your partner hang out with friends without you.
Remove boredom from your life, including intimacy. Proximity brings people together, which is why it is called intimacy.
My Favorite Practices for Reconnecting with an Ex
Finally, I want to give you a few recipes. I will share the practices that helped me become a Queen in the eyes of my man, restore our relationship and no longer make serious mistakes along the way.
Develop self-love
To keep a man, it is important to love yourself. Increase your self-esteem and begin to put yourself and your desires first, and not at all the interests of a man and your relationship with him.
I like these practices, they are the ones that helped me change the situation for the better.
- Meditation How to make a man fall in love with you in 21 days;
- Meditation How to learn to love and accept yourself;
- Practice How to love yourself to solve love and financial problems.
Enjoy life
Ask yourself: what do I want to do now while the man is not next to me? After all, when your relationship is restored, life with your loved one will be different. Joint things will appear, and you will not be able to devote 100% of your time only to yourself.
Make a plan for 1-3 months: write down everything you have long dreamed of doing. For example, here are some of the things from my list, with the help of which I have already lifted my mood and added bright colors to my life:
- go to a cool salon (in another city)
and get a tattoo; - do permanent makeup for eyebrows and lips;
- go to a professional photo shoot;
- visit the zoo.
Surprise yourself, live happily, and the Universe will give you a gift - an ideal relationship with the man you love.
Notice the signs
In the process of restoring a relationship, I came up with a sign for myself: if I see a car on the street with the same license plate as my beloved man, it means that the fulfillment of my desire is already close.
Every time I saw a car with this number, my mood lifted and a smile bloomed on my face. At such moments, I understood that the Universe was ready to return my beloved to me and restore our relationship.
Make up your own signs and notice the coincidences. If, for example, you meet a couple in love or your friend is invited to get married, do not be upset under any circumstances. Such random-non-random coincidences are called synchronicities. It is simply a reflection of your thoughts: you attract the desired future to you, and it is reflected in your reality. This means that the fulfillment of your desire is already close.
What does it mean?
It's normal and natural to feel terrible after a breakup. The chemical effect of love is similar to drug intoxication, and separation is similar to the withdrawal syndrome of an addict in the absence of a dose of a substance that usually provides a high level of dopamine. They say they experience approximately the same longing for cocaine after parting with it.
In a survey I conducted for my Telegram channel, 58% of people reported that they had lost a loved one one to five years ago, while 66% of respondents noted that they still felt pain.
Consider this an illness from which you need to recover (by the way, severe stress actually leads to a drop in immunity and increases the risk of contracting all sorts of viruses in addition to reactive depression).
Understanding that some of these heartbreaking feelings are not in the soul, but in the body, gives some relief and a sense of control. We can more or less control our body and make it experience a little less stress and get a little more pleasure.
There is no need to undermine the already unbalanced reward system with alcohol and drugs (at least, it is better to know the limits of drunken grief if you couldn’t resist). Help your dopamine. Of the useful entertainments, he most likes movement, knowledge and the fulfillment of small short-term goals. The reward system will reward you with a boost for making and following through on plans, whether it's cleaning the house, watching those long-postponed movies, trying to go for your first run in three years, or even clearing out the spam in your inbox until it's completely empty.
Don't give up!
Sometimes we see only one scenario for fulfilling our desire, although in fact there may be many of them. For example, I believed that since my beloved man and I live in different cities, my desire would only come true if I moved to his city. So I programmed myself for the only possible scenario for the fulfillment of a desire. As a result, this scenario took longer to come to fruition.
You can become desired by your ex again and restore your relationship much faster if you do everything right right away.
Sign up for a free master class by Elizaveta Volkova and receive step-by-step instructions “How to get your beloved man back in 35 days”:
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In this article, I shared my own experience, and I would be interested to know - what methods helped you (or did not help) get your loved one back and improve your relationship with him? Tell us in the comments.
Liabilities
You must give him and yourself your most honest promise that you will try to create conscious relationships. That you will always try to be by his side, no matter what. True, it’s worth asking him for the same.
But before you try to get your ex back, consider whether you can really keep those promises.
And finally, so that you believe in yourself, I want to give a review from one of my wonderful students:
