How to understand that a person is worried?

The most common human emotion is anxiety. The reasons for worry are varied: from the desire to hide the truth to fulfilling a responsible situation. Anxiety is often easy to identify. But how can you tell that a person is worried if he hides it? Knowing the signs, you can learn to hide emotions from prying eyes.

What is this knowledge needed for? An important meeting or interview is coming up. There's an important family event on the eve and you don't want to look like an insecure person.

At the same time, if you realize that a person is too worried, you can calm him down.

Obvious signs

Some emotions immediately indicate that a person is worried.

Speech becomes confused, stuttering and trembling appear. A person tries to cope with emotions, but this is easy to see, since the voice reveals emotions.

Trembling in the joints and throughout the body. The person’s knees and fingers begin to tremble. This is a sign of stress caused by hormones. Initially, the body tries to prepare for the upcoming load and increase muscle activity. A person holding back emotions creates overstrain, resulting in tremors.

Movement back and forth. Experience makes a person become more active. Nervously, he jumps up and begins to move around the office, unable to contain his excitement. To stop yourself, you can try placing your hands on the table or back of a chair.

A sign of excitement is a shifting gaze. Often, in order to hide emotions, a person tries to avoid the oncoming gaze.

Excitement and worry - what is it?

Anxiety is an emotion that makes you worry about various things. Such an emotional experience makes it difficult to sit still and concentrate. It forces you to constantly think and resort to certain actions. The most common reason why anxiety occurs is a lack of self-control.

Anxiety leads to the following manifestations:

Inner (mental) peace is lost;
Inappropriate behavior is observed;
Self-doubt appears;
Strength and energy are lost, which leads to stress;
The ability to concentrate on any task disappears;
Efficiency decreases, set goals are not realized, and inaction arises against the backdrop of one’s own powerlessness.

For better understanding, the listed manifestations can be considered using a specific example. So, a young guy needs to pass an interview for admission to a music school, and for this he will have to perform on stage in front of the examiners, with a prepared number. But he got so excited that when he went on stage, his voice began to tremble, and, as a result, he was unable to perform the prepared number, and this led to the fact that the exam was not passed, and his admission to the music school failed.

The above example clearly shows that excitement and worry do not lead to anything good. It does not help to cope with the problem; on the contrary, it aggravates it. Emotional experiences deprive a person of peace, confuse his thoughts and prevent him from concentrating, which ultimately does not help him achieve his goals.

Indirect signs of excitement

Some people have adapted to mask or control their own emotions.

Inattention. The person misspoke and cannot immediately remember the previous phrase. Because of this, the essence of the story is lost. It is impossible to finish the topic because its beginning has been forgotten.

A person is able to suppress some excitement. He holds himself straight, stands in one place, but at the same time his running fingers give him away. They touch each other and lying objects. Some begin to “crunch” them, others sort through their hair, and others scratch parts of their body.

Uncontrolled tapping of fingers on the table also indicates emotional stress. This harmless gesture can convey excitement.

Handling a cup of coffee or a glass of water will also tell you a lot. In excitement, a person will drink greedily or in small sips, but often. In a relaxed position, drink the cup slowly.

Just like shifty eyes, an unblinking gaze is a sure sign of excitement. Trying to hide it, a person tenses, which is why his gaze becomes detached.

If you know that a person rarely smokes, frequent smoking tells about the experience. While smoking, your nerves calm down, and your hands are busy with work.

The lighter does not work immediately and the person splashes out his emotions.

Feigned indifference or sudden mood swings indicate anxiety. A person can laugh uncontrollably and this is explained by physiological processes. Muscles involuntarily contract, forcing a person to express emotions unusual for that moment.

With all his might, trying to hide signs of excitement, a person puts on a mask of indifference and irony. Sharp comments and sarcastic remarks are fully consistent with the state of excitement.

In moments of danger, people activate defensive reactions. A person becomes aggressive, which means he worries about his own life or the fate of loved ones.

Increased sweating. At the moment of excitement, all systems begin to work faster. Therefore, you can tell about anxiety both by rapid breathing and by beads of sweat on your forehead, hands or upper lip.

How to cope with anxiety?

When I was little, I always slept with objects. Everyone laughed at me terribly. Well, how do you sleep with a hoop? I put the hoop near the bed. I believe in it. It seems to me that everything on earth is absolutely alive, so you need to love your objects. I kiss them sometimes before going out. Or a ball, or clubs, or jump ropes.

Alina Kabaeva,

Olympic champion in rhythmic gymnastics

World-class competitions - not only your mother’s peace of mind, but also the honor of the country depends on you. How to get rid of anxiety while waiting for the X hour of such importance?

A sensual heart can be calmed only by feelings and only by the right ones. Many public people say that they have a special attitude towards their sports equipment, microphone, guitar, pointe shoes, sneakers, suit, which brought success. It seems to give you strength before starting or going on stage.

How can you now inflame your feelings for the tablet, so as not to be nervous during the presentation? The training “System-vector psychology” by Yuri Burlan allows you to see deeper dependencies and know unmistakably where exactly you should direct your feelings. Then the excitement before a significant event will not spoil it.

People with a visual vector feel safe and are able to express themselves fully only if they are connected with strong emotional ties with other people. That is, they love and are loved, they feel and open up, they respond with their souls.

She loves what she does so much and loves those who look at her so much that there is some kind of invisible thread going on. Everyone is in love with her!

Irina Viner about her student

In the process of development, a child with a visual vector, as it were, trains to love, to build this emotional thread with everyone and everything that is important to him. In his imagination, his favorite teddy bear, a table lamp with a fancy shadow, a slipper with sewn eyes, a bush with “horns”, a lantern in an imaginary hat, a hippopotamus cloud, a hoop that will always support you come to life.

Everyone knows the cute peculiarity of children's perception: “If I can’t see, then I can’t be seen.” There is a similar analogy with feelings: “Since I love, that means they love me too!” And immediately my soul is calm and joyful. In this spiritual simplicity there is a precise pattern that grows and is projected in a good situation not on objects, but on other people.

Growing up, the visual soul needs more emotions. “Response feelings” from a doll or ball are not enough. This means that your feelings need to be reoriented. The spectator who has chosen other people as a priority, his spectators, listeners, colleagues, students, can cope with the excitement before the World Cup or the Olympics, a city competition or the first appearance on the field, skating rink, carpet or stage under the gaze of millions of eyes. Then, feeling a wave of warmth from them, he turns excitement into fuel, giving strength to please those who love him and whom he himself treats with care.

I understand people’s attitude: Isinbayeva is a world record, but it’s not perceived separately. Today a whole stadium gathered for the competition, and everyone expected exactly this from me. If I hadn't set the record, all these people would have been disappointed, I'm sure. And I didn't want that.

Elena Isinbaeva, two-time Olympic champion in pole vaulting

A person who is fulfilled in his natural profession knows how to transform excitement into responsibility before people for doing his job with dignity. The more real feelings, the less fears and destructive emotions.

Recognize signs of anxiety by looking at your face

Take a closer look at the person sitting opposite.

Does he bite or lick his lips? This is a sign of excitement. This emotion causes dryness that you want to fill. If emotions are overwhelming, a person is able to bite his lips until they bleed. This is an involuntary process that is not subject to consciousness. Redness of the skin. The vegetative-vascular system begins to work more actively, due to which blood flows to the smallest capillaries, filling them. This is an uncontrollable action that betrays anxiety. The nodules are playing. When excited, the muscles tense, causing the cheekbones to move. This is more common in men, since their facial muscles are more developed. The nostrils flare due to frequent and uneven breathing. Excitement provokes the production of adrenaline, which causes a rapid heartbeat and faster breathing. During this process, the nostrils flare to take in more air.

When anxiety gets in the way of life

Worrying about trifles poisons the lives of many people. There are two ways out of this situation:

Progressive.
Regressive.

A person’s inability and unwillingness to cope with constant anxiety can lead to a worsening of the situation and the emergence of obsessive actions and special rituals and rituals. This is a regressive method that relieves internal tension, but does not relieve or cure a person completely from this condition.

Obsessive movements are a neurotic condition of a person in which he makes uncontrolled movements. Most often this is biting nails, clicking a pen, winding a strand of hair around a hand, scratching the ears, nose and other parts of the body, checking whether electrical appliances are turned off, whether the door is locked, performing such actions and movements a hundred or more times.

Rituals and rituals that relieve anxiety. A person who is often worried about trifles, even when doing the same work every day, develops certain rituals without which he cannot concentrate. He gives them a special meaning, believing that only by observing them is he guaranteed success. As a rule, this means arranging things in a certain order, washing hands a certain number of times, observing signs and others that a person invents for himself and observes without fail.

How can you tell if a man is worried?

Men are able to hide their own worries, unlike emotional women. But if you want to find out what your man is hiding under the mask of calm, take a closer look at his involuntary movements.

Men hide their excitement by clenching their hands, resting on nearby objects. Excessive sweat can give away your anxiety. If you notice shiny droplets on the forehead or above the upper lip, the man is trying to hide something from you.

Some individuals, trying to hide behind a mask of carefreeness, begin to hum or drum tunes. Take a closer look, maybe in response to your question the man begins to involuntarily smile or laugh out loud? This is also a sign of excitement.

Express ways to relieve anxiety

What to do if panic takes you by surprise at the most crucial moment? There are several effective ways to help you quickly get back to normal:

Wash with cold water. When intense anxiety sets in, dissociation occurs. This is the principle of psychological defense, when a person perceives everything that happens as if it were happening to someone else, that is, from the outside. Control over feelings is lost, the pulse quickens, breathing becomes heavy, which further fuels fear. Cold water perfectly revives us, returns us to the body and distracts us from worries. We begin to feel in control again.
Clench your fists. In moments of strong excitement, any activity is very useful. Ideally, you can walk briskly or even jog a little. If this is not possible, then begin to actively clench and unclench your fists. The scheme is as follows: we clench our fists while taking a deep breath and unclench our fists as we exhale. You can place your palms on your knees or place them behind your back. Perform a few repetitions and then straighten your fingers as hard as you can. By this time, the anxiety should have subsided.
Repeat a calming phrase. Remember what Carlson said? He repeated: “Calm, only calm.” Start saying it in the character's voice. You can come up with something else, for example: “I’m safe,” “Everything will be fine,” “I’m completely calm.” Say the same phrase to yourself like a mantra for 1-2 minutes.
Panic. Yes, you read that right. To cope with something, sometimes it is enough to remove resistance. The more we resist something and try to suppress it, the more it overtakes us and intensifies. Tell yourself: “Yes, I am worried right now. And that’s okay.” You can even admit this to a loved one or the public if, for example, you are standing on stage. It will become easier.
Calculate. What to count? Whatever! Flowers on the windowsill, tiles on the wall, planks on the parquet, buttons on the shirt of the interlocutor. You can fix your gaze on some object and concentrate only on it. Or you can start coming up with associations: who or what do you associate your opponent with, who he resembles, whose voice he resembles.
Pretend. Fake it till you make it. Have you heard this American saying? It translates to “Fake it until you make it true.” Pretend to be someone who is confident and not afraid of anything. You can remember the hero from the film and imagine how he would act in this situation, what he would say, how he would feel in your place.
Breathe. Breathing practice is great for managing anxiety and stress. There are many options for such exercises. I suggest the simplest one. It's called "Square". For 4 seconds you need to inhale slowly, hold your breath for 4 seconds, then slowly exhale for 4 seconds and hold your breath again for the same time. Perform several repetitions and evaluate the condition. An exercise also helps when you breathe through a tense place in the body: identify it and direct your breath there, as if exhaling excitement and inhaling calm.
Select the alarm symbol. If you are going to an important event, take some attribute with you, such as a pen or handkerchief. Let this thing be a symbol of your excitement. Look at it: it is small, and you are big. The anxiety is not inside you, but lies nearby, while you can now speak calmly. You can do the opposite and choose a symbol of luck. Take some pebble or pencil, endowing it in your head with the property of bringing success. By the way, many famous athletes have lucky uniforms, shoes or props that they use only in competitions.

You may be interested to know what depression is and how it is dangerous for a person.

Why do we get nervous when communicating?

From a physiological point of view, this is due to the properties of our nervous system. The tendency to worry is also associated with human psychology (uncertainty, tightness, fear of failure, shyness).

Most often this happens in the following situations:

When we don’t feel sympathy or affection for the person with whom we have to communicate. This causes irritation and hostility.
When the interlocutor is completely unfamiliar. There is a fear of being misunderstood and rejected.
When a person’s status (boss, minister, director, dean) influences. Tension, uncertainty, and embarrassment arise.
When a person overestimates the significance of events (audit, tax audit, exam, job interview, etc.).

Success in resolving important issues depends mainly on the careful preparation of evidence (reasoned presentation not only in words, but also in writing, mandatory confirmation with drawings, diagrams, decisions of higher authorities, etc.).

Many people, when talking with their boss , are so nervous that they cannot concentrate on the question with which they came to him, they speak indistinctly, with a broken voice, and even stutter. This makes an unpleasant impression. Therefore, people with such increased excitability must definitely prepare for visiting persons with a certain title; it is advisable to even outline the main aspects of the upcoming conversation on paper.

Breath! Do not breath

During anxiety, people breathe quickly and shallowly. When we are in a calm environment and feel confident, breathing becomes deep and slow. So make your breathing measured - deceive the body, let it think that there is no reason for alarm.

Imagine that you have a small ping pong ball in your groin area. You inhale and the ball rises to the solar plexus area. You exhale and the ball drops back to the groin area. The ball should move smoothly, without jerking; for this you need to breathe deeply and calmly.

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By phone

Even when talking on the phone , some people are often worried, afraid to ask again if they didn’t hear something, ask them to speak more slowly, or wait until they take paper and pen to write down what they need. Confidence on the phone comes with self-confidence. Never forget that the caller needs you no less than you need him. And if you call yourself, then write your questions on paper and the tension will go away.

Nervous tension can turn into stress, depression, social phobia (strong persistent unreasonable fear and anxiety of various social situations), which cause consequences at the mental and physiological level.

Initial data

Despite the fact that living conditions literally force a person to come into contact with the social environment (nursery, kindergarten, school, university, work, etc.), for many of us it is communication with people that creates incredible problems. Human activity is determined by the degree of intensity of his interaction with the environment – natural and social. Since ancient times, human temperament has been associated with the innate physiological characteristics of each human body. In the 5th century BC. e. The great Hippocrates identified (supposedly by the presence of the fluid that predominates in the body) four types of human temperament. Translated from Greek it is:

choleric (bile) - an impulsive, very active and energetic person, sociable by nature, easy to make contact with. At the same time, they love to lead and be first everywhere.
sanguine (blood) – cheerful, quite sociable, easy to make contact with. This type of temperament is the most sociable and sociable of all. It is easy for a sanguine person to meet and find a common language with new people. He loves to be the center of attention. He always has a lot of friends and acquaintances, but, as a rule, few close friends.
phlegmatic (mucus) - always even-tempered, calm, moderately sociable, his mood is stable. This type of person is uncompromising; pragmatic, selectively sociable and does not like to chat in vain.
melancholic (black bile) – sad and vulnerable, indecisive, withdrawn and not sociable. He is characterized by restraint and muted speech and movements, shyness, timidity, and indecisiveness. They avoid other people and are not the first to make contact. They are most interested in their own world than relationships with neighbors and colleagues. Melancholic people have very few friends, but they are very important for unsociable pessimists. Friendship is always strong and lasts for many years.

This is the initial data that, according to coaches and psychologists, can and should be worked with. And even a shy melancholic person can be turned into a successful information businessman, you just need to work on yourself.

Switch

As a rule, during anxiety a person is very concentrated on what worries him. The world is literally converging on one point. We need to try to expand our horizons.

Close your eyes, open them and look out the window. If there is a wall in front of you, keep your eyes distracted and don’t concentrate on anything. Look as if through a wall. Then, after 1-2 minutes, on the contrary, focus on any insignificant object: a pencil, a button, a thumb. Examine the item in detail. Close your eyes and try to see it exactly.

To make the effect of the exercise stronger, close your eyes as you exhale, and as you inhale, look at the object again. Do the exercise for at least one minute.

Fear when meeting people

Almost every man in his youth experienced emotions of excitement, uncertainty and fear when he met a girl. Fears are inherent in us by nature itself for self-defense, and also by upbringing, ridicule and humiliation at school. And these fears begin to live in our heads. The guy is afraid to approach the girl, and when he gets nervous, he doesn’t know what to talk to her about. In this regard, he prefers to sit at home, and water does not flow under a lying stone. You are a male conqueror and this is inherent in you by nature. After all, the girl will not be the first to start a conversation with you. Start your conquest with a smile, and if they also responded with a smile, then you can start communicating. Gritting your teeth, go up and tell the girl that you really like her and how scared you are of being rejected. Fears will immediately disappear and there will definitely be topics for conversation.

a girl meets a guy , she also feels constrained, tense, and, as they say, “out of place.” Due to anxiety, he cannot relax and carry on a conversation.

Do what you're afraid of

I will never be able to forget how I felt during the interview when entering a university. The tables at which the commission members sat were arranged in the letter P. And in front of them, in the most prominent place, stood a lonely chair, on which I was asked to sit. I sit down and feel myself starting to blush. My knees involuntarily bounce, no matter how hard I try to press them with shaking hands. There was a terrible confusion in my head. I was gripped not just by fear, but literally by horror. This silent scene took a little longer. When they asked me the first question in the field of chemistry, the answer to which I knew perfectly well, the muscles of my face were so tense that they did not allow my mouth to open for some time, and my mouth was so dry that my tongue could not turn. Only knowing the answers and an irresistible desire to study at this institute made me overcome the tension and speak. The more I focused on the questions, rather than on internal emotions, the freer I felt and the more confident I was in answering them.

Many people, when worried, even become speechless. There was a case in my life when I decided to help my classmate correct her bad grade in geography. Homework was to study the names of all the countries of the world and their capitals. At home we learned this topic together, and the girl repeated everything to me five times independently without prompting. On the way to school, she again told everything without a single mistake. And when the teacher called her to the board and asked her to tell this task, the girl could not say a single word. She explained her condition to me as stage fright, which paralyzed her ability to think.

Do what you are afraid of, then the fear will disappear (go to the dentist, jump into the water to learn to swim, get on a bike to learn to ride, etc.). With practice you can overcome your fear. At sales trainings, people are often given the task of asking 10 strangers for money or selling 10 people some trinket. This technique is based precisely on the principle - practice and you will succeed. After such 10, 20 people, you will already notice that the trembling in your voice has disappeared, after 10 sales you will feel the fear receding.