How to swear correctly so as not to quarrel to pieces: 5 simple rules and 3 life hacks

Keep your distance

After the conversation, you should not immediately pretend that everything is fine. Keep your distance for at least half an hour. If you don’t do this, the man will decide that the quarrel was not serious. It’s better to be alone with yourself or get busy. At the same time, you should not play silent and ignore your partner. And if a man after a quarrel behaves as if nothing had happened, then tell him that you are still offended and you need time to come to your senses.

It may take a woman anywhere from 30 minutes to several hours for the feelings to really subside.

If you learn the correct behavior during quarrels, your relationship will only become stronger. And remember that all people make mistakes. If you understand and forgive your man, then he will understand and forgive you.

Punish with a fine

Although your indignation, dear reader, is not entirely groundless: the article really teaches the wrong things, in particular how, when and why it is wise to use curse words. So if this somehow traumatizes you, it’s probably better to really leave with dignity. As for you, another respected but intelligent, patient and understanding reader, please refer to the table..... Mat allows a person to hide many complexes. Verbal manifestations of rudeness and swagger, oddly enough, are a defense mechanism of notorious and insecure people. Consciously or subconsciously feeling their lack, they try to compensate for it with feigned rudeness so that others, God forbid, do not feel their weakness and insecurity.

Useful lifehacks

Agree on everything “on the shore”

Let's be objective: no relationship is complete without quarrels and conflicts. That is why it is better to agree on how to behave during possible “combat operations” “on the shore.” Let’s say that in case of a quarrel, it’s easier for you not to communicate for at least one day, and then discuss everything with a fresh mind. Add to this a few more rules that you would like to follow, and during one of the conversations, discuss with a friend - believe me, in the future this will help you save a lot of nerve cells.

Switch to "you"

Funny but effective advice. During a quarrel, you can try to switch to “you” in communication. This, firstly, will help to “distance” the conflict from oneself, and secondly, it will defuse the situation. Here, of course, it is worth remembering that such a step is appropriate during a quarrel that has not yet flared up - if the conflict is in the “acute phase,” then switching to “you” can only anger the interlocutor.

Remember the good things

A banal, but no less effective recommendation, which many people do not take seriously and do not use in their lives, but in vain. If you feel like you have a conflict brewing with a friend or partner, and your patience is about to burst, think about the pleasant time you spent together. After all, if you've been together for a long time, your loved one probably has more positive qualities than negative ones, and therefore he hardly deserves you to attack him with all your strength and fury. At the very least, this trick will make you stop for a second and think - are you doing everything right and is the game worth the candle?

Honestly

Another explanation for why we like people who avoid euphemisms is that we simply think they are honest. On the one hand, this is strange. Swearing is a taboo, but those who swear don’t give a damn about the norms of decency, and it’s probably easier for them to break other rules of social interaction. But it turned out quite the opposite. American scientists conducted a major study: they interviewed hundreds of respondents and also studied the speech behavior of tens of thousands of people on social networks.

As a result, a stable positive correlation was revealed between the habit of swearing and honesty, both in live communication and in the virtual space.

It seems that our consciousness perceives rude remarks that have not passed internal censorship as intuitive and therefore sincere.

Do not resolve conflict in a state of emotional arousal

No conflict will be resolved if you are in a state of passion. Always remember this and calm down first. The easiest way to calm your emotions is to breathe deeply. For some reason, leave the man alone, go out and do breathing exercises. If you don’t have the opportunity to be alone, then breathe in front of your partner. This way he will see that you are trying to control your emotions. If the exercise does not help, move on to more radical methods, for example, stomping your feet or swearing. But you can only do this alone with yourself. To calm down, it can be helpful to breathe, think, and move more slowly for a few minutes. This will help you cool down and remember why you love your partner.

You should not try to resolve a conflict in a state of emotional arousal.

Content:

• Is it normal for children to swear?
• Reasons and characteristics of children's swearing at different ages Preschoolers and parents' reaction
• Junior schoolchildren and demonstration of growing up
• Adolescents and self-affirmation among peers
• Why else would a child start swearing?

How to stop swearing: nuances

• For adult women, this is a way to look on par with the stronger sex. This phenomenon often occurs when working in a male team. Teenage girls try to gain authority among their peers with the help of obscenities.
• Sometimes swearing is a form of protest and self-expression among young people. With strict parental upbringing, obscene words help teenagers feel the desired freedom of action.
• Swear words deprive the fair sex of their femininity. It is better to gain respect with the help of natural charm. An educated and well-mannered girl will be able to fight back with simple literary words. If you want to learn how to offend or insult a person without using swear words, we recommend reading this article.
• Both women and men sooner or later become parents and set an example for their children. If we don’t want our children to swear, then we must put an end to obscene language once and for all.

What to cover with asterisks?

In the Russian language, unlike many Western European languages, obscene vocabulary is taboo. For the media, Roskomnadzor has compiled a special list of words that cannot be used. It’s easy to remember - there are only four roots: “... An obscene designation for the male genital organ, an obscene designation for the female genital organ, an obscene designation for the process of copulation and an obscene designation for a woman of dissolute behavior, as well as all linguistic units derived from these words.”

Psychologist's advice

When visiting a psychologist, girls often complain: “We constantly quarrel with the guy. What should I do?”, “We constantly quarrel with the guy over trifles.” After such quarrels, they do not know what to do, how to behave further. Family analysts advise following simple recommendations:

1. Find out what caused the quarrel

When girls are under the influence of emotions, they react on an instinctive level. Most often, this becomes the reason for rash actions and words, which are then embarrassing to remember. Therefore, think that it is possible that your lover is also offended no less than you. Try to figure out what triggered the conflict. Because the longer it drags on, the harder it is to understand where it started

This is very important, because without a sincere apology it is impossible to heal a relationship.

1. Give each other time to think things through

Most likely, you have already managed to express everything to each other, and not in the most unpleasant words. Now you need time to be alone with yourself. If your loved one initiates thinking things over, don’t interfere with him. Respect his decision and do the same - sort out your feelings. If you let your lover cool down at the right time, then most likely you will not have to separate.

1. Talk to your spouse and listen to him

After you have been alone and thought about everything, you can move on to reconciliation

But here it is very important to be extremely careful and attentive. Don't rush things, don't rush, try to remain calm and patient. The main thing in reconciliation is to find the right moment

You must be ready to listen to your chosen one, try to prevent the quarrel from continuing. This conversation is necessary in order to solve the problem and find a compromise.

The main thing in reconciliation is to find the right moment. You must be ready to listen to your chosen one, try to prevent the quarrel from continuing. This conversation is necessary in order to solve the problem and find a compromise.

1. Admit your mistakes

An apology may not be enough. Therefore, you need to not only ask for forgiveness, but also make it clear to your beloved that you fully admit that your behavior and words caused him pain. And then try to promise not only him, but also yourself that you will not repeat such mistakes again.

1. Think about your feelings for each other

In the heat of a quarrel, lovers often tell themselves things they don’t really mean and call each other offensive names. And then they often regret it greatly. So it’s time to remember what you really feel for your chosen one and show him these feelings. A little attention and care will help smooth out the pain caused to each other.

1. Forgive and forget grievances

To make peace after a serious quarrel, you need to learn to forgive and leave grievances in the past. But never tell your beloved that you forgive him if you are not really ready to do it. Because the burden of resentment will weigh on you, and you will definitely remember this quarrel to your beloved.

Calm down

It is useful to throw out emotions, even negative ones: anger and resentment hidden inside only aggravate the situation. However, the expression of emotions should be constructive. Before broadcasting negativity, it is better to take a walk, take a bath or do squats. If your emotions are running high, and you already know from your own experience that you will later regret what you said, squat down, and then swear.

Make the fight productive

With the right approach, you can find a solution that suits both of you. Otherwise, no matter how touching the reconciliation may be, disagreements on the same issue may arise again. Alas, in addition to one-time quarrels, there are also long-term conflicts - when a controversial issue regularly arises in the path of a couple. If there is no better solution, then find at least a satisfactory one, which at this stage can be acceptable to both partners.

Separate the problem from the person

When voicing complaints, do not depart from the essence of the matter and do not get personal. After all, the task before you now is to find a way out together, and not to prove to each other that you are right.

Make love

You can complete reconciliation with sexual pleasures only if you complete it and not replace it. For example, you quarreled over a trifle, and the quarrel itself is more of an outbreak than a serious conflict. Then the accumulated tension can be released in bed. This way you can feel your chosen one and his love for you. But only on the condition that both of you are ready for it. If one of you doesn't want any touching, it's best to be patient.

Don't push

Some people find it very difficult to admit they are wrong. There may be several reasons for this. For example, men do not want to admit their guilt, because for them it is a defeat or even humiliation. If you feel that it is difficult for your loved one to accept that he was wrong, do not put pressure on him. And if you yourself cannot admit that you are wrong, then prove it with your actions.

Unite

Any problem for lovers is a common problem. Listen, support and try to understand each other, then solving it will be much easier than looking for someone to blame or finding out who is good here. Sincerity and honesty towards your partner and yourself is the key to a strong and trusting relationship.

Mat in the works of Russian classics

Often, to justify their bad habit, people remember Russian classics: Pushkin, Lermontov, Yesenin, and so on.
What can we say here: a pig will find dirt everywhere. If among the huge number of works of these talented poets a person sees only obscenities, then one can only feel sorry for such a person. It is important to understand that poets were mere mortals, and they also tend to make mistakes. Their talented works are not at all a reason to follow their example always and in everything. Yesenin also suffered from alcoholism and had suicidal tendencies, which is also reflected in his poems. But this does not mean at all that this should become a reason for imitation. A turning point in the issue of attitudes towards swearing in our society occurred during the revolution of 1917. Soldiers, sailors and proletarians, trying to express their protest against everything and everyone, began to instill foul language in society, first among themselves, and then throughout society. And, as the usual way of life was destroyed, the understanding of good and evil was turned upside down, and beautiful, competent speech became an indicator of a person’s involvement in the aristocracy. And swearing and obscene language became a kind of calling card of the proletariat, which sought to destroy everything old and build a new world, and, apparently, the main criterion of this new world should be its complete difference from the previous way of life, and no matter what the cost.

For example, Academician Likhachev in his memoirs about camp life said that swearing at that time was almost a sign of trustworthiness and almost devotion to the ideals of the revolution. But intelligent, pure speech was perceived almost as a sign of a counter-revolutionary mood.

What exactly is swearing? And is there Russian swearing? Is swearing a feature of our people? According to Vasily Irzabekov, a philologist and linguist, there is no Russian swearing, but swear words exist in all Slavic languages, and the Russian language is not at all the champion in this matter. For example, in Hungarian there are many more swear words. As mentioned above, these words are called obscene because they blaspheme the Mother of God. And for the very worldview of the Russian person, who has always been highly moral by nature, this is unacceptable.

So what happens next? The fronts of the Civil War in Russia died down, and the new government quickly realized that swear words destroy a person. Therefore, starting from the 30s, the fight against swear words gradually began at the legislative level, and in 1961, the Moral Code of the Builder of Communism directly stated that swearing is a phenomenon unworthy of a Soviet person.

But everything returns to normal, and with the new redivision of the world and social upheavals in the 90s, swearing returns to our society again. Moreover, this is happening on two fronts at once. On the one hand, rampant crime and a change in values, drawing young people into criminal activities lead to a sharp drop in the level of culture and, as a consequence, the prosperity of the fashion for swearing. On the other hand, from the side of the media and “culture”, weaving swear words into speech becomes a sign of “freedom of speech” and so on.

The peculiarity of any person is that by nature he has such a quality as conscience, that is, a deep understanding of what is good and what is bad. And therefore, no person can live in the mud for a long time: he either must get out of it, or distort the understanding of good and evil and convince himself that dirt is the norm. And various modern theories that swearing is an original Russian phenomenon, that swearing permeates the entire Russian culture - literature, poetry, music, and so on - is nothing more than an attempt to justify oneself, one’s inability to fight such an infection as obscene language .

And a person’s language is a calling card, it is a reflection of the contents of his consciousness. And if in speech the mention of genitals and the like is constantly used as commas, then this only indicates that a person’s consciousness is at this level, and not at all about his freedom, self-expression, and so on.

Rule No. 6: if the man is at fault, assess the damage received and ask for compensation

If the man was still wrong and has already admitted his mistakes, experts advise not to be shy about asking for compensation for the suffering or inconvenience caused to you.

“For the first time, there is no need to forgive anything and say: “Come on, everything is fine, my love!”, because the situation caused the woman discomfort

It is important to explain to the man once what the problem is and clearly indicate that you do not like this attitude towards yourself. The best way to demonstrate this is to talk to a man: “This made me uncomfortable and damaged my nervous system and health, and I don’t like to be nervous. Therefore, to atone for your guilt, buy me such and such a thing

Then I will forgive you, but I will no longer tolerate such antics directed at me. I respect others, but I demand the same from myself in relationships.”

And tell (just tell, not ask) the man to buy you something that will be adequately commensurate with the damage caused to you. Not a dish sponge or frying pan. Not a carnation or a single rose. Not a chocolate bar or a diet bar. And something significant that will make a man regret what he did and work hard to atone for his guilt,” says Anastasia Stepanenko.

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Rule No. 2: convey to the man how solving a particular problem will make you happy

When arguing with a man, you need to focus not on personal reproaches

It is important to convey to him why a broken tap, lack of a car and a vacation make you unhappy, advises Olga Lazareva, a psychologist at the MEDIKA medical holding.

So, to get results from a man, tell him how important it is to you. Speak softly and without reproach

Be weak. For a man there is no greater incentive for achievement.

“Another thing is that it can be difficult for a woman to cope with her feelings, and a quarrel happens by itself. A man perceives conflict as a challenge to a fight, where he must show who is stronger. The head turns off at these moments, only instincts work: we must win. Later, when everything is calm, he will understand that he defeated not a real enemy, but his own woman,” says Lazareva.

“I-messages” work great, they allow a man to understand the logic of your experiences, dissatisfaction and other negative feelings.

“The scheme consists of three blocks: “When you... (we describe what he does, but do not push, strictly facts) stay late at work and don’t call, I... (we describe my emotional state) I get angry and worried, I come up with various horrors, it seems to me you got hit by a train and I’m scared... Please (we formulate a request - what we want from him in connection with these feelings), let me know if you’re delayed. Or do you want me to call you myself, tell me when it’s convenient for you?” The scheme works great. Men usually understand the language of logic well. Therefore, if they know the reason, it will be easier for them to do what you ask,” emphasizes psychotherapist Yulia Kolonskaya.

Individual response phrases

Here are humiliating and threatening responses, as well as conventionally ironic ones.

Examples with different contexts:

The girl is rude beautifully

• in order to talk with you on the same level, I will have to sit down;
• mind like a shell / memory like a fish - three seconds;
• in order for you to convince me, you will finally have to say something smart;
• The only positive thing about you, apparently, is the “Rh factor”;
• your right to your own point of view should not trample on my right to protection from idiocy;
• It’s easier for you to silently pass for smart;
• I'm sorry for not living up to your personal stereotypes;
• your manner of communication brings back memories of the dashing nineties and tasteless crimson jackets;
• the further into the thicket, the angrier the woodpeckers;
• Look, God is not alien to the human, since He approaches the creation of individual personalities with such humor.

The main purpose of all such statements is to repel the attack while stopping further conflict. To do this, you need not to overdo it with aggression, which will become a catalyst for further proceedings. Rather, you need to ensure that the person understands the meaninglessness of the dialogue, as well as your disinterest in it. Or he was simply taken aback by your statements, realizing that he was wrong.

Psychologist's advice

Mistake #1. You have stopped taking care of your health. It is necessary to start introducing new habits without delay: go in for sports, set a sleep-wake schedule, start eating right.

Mistake #2. You don't respect your own boundaries and don't value yourself. You feel sorry for spending an extra ruble on yourself; you spend all your resources in the name of your family. First, think about what household responsibilities you can delegate to your spouse or children. Learn to trust others with some of your household chores.

Mistake #3. You are not interested in anything except your family. You want to be important to your household. In this case, you need to separate yourself somewhat from your family. Do something interesting, find a new hobby. Over time, you will become self-sufficient, and your spouse will look at you with new eyes.

Mistake #4. You are emotionally unstable. Sometimes you want to send everyone to hell and leave, slamming the door. Or, conversely, lie in bed all day and do nothing

It is very important to learn to manage your emotions, feel them and at the same time live in harmony with them.

Mistake #5. You are not satisfied with your intimate life. 85% of Russian women are unhappy with sex with their partner. There could be a lot of reasons for this. However, it is possible to improve your sex life in almost all cases. The main thing is that both partners want it. First of all, learn to listen to yourself and your body.

Mistake #6. You are dependent on the opinions of others. In reality, no one can understand you the way you would like. It's time to realize that you can't listen to anyone. Make decisions yourself, so you will get your own personal experience. And even if you stumble, it will only be your mistake.

Mistake #7. Maybe he really isn't that good? If you correct all your mistakes and nothing changes for several months in a row, you can rest assured that the problem is not you! However, one should not rush to conclusions. Perhaps your spouse also needs time to change.

Why do people use foul language?

Mastering swearing probably begins in childhood. For children, this is a sign of adulthood. Due to mental characteristics and personal immaturity, children choose the simplest path - imitation. And if for young children this is a way of adaptation, of entering the world, then teenagers regard this as “coolness,” maturity, authority, and courage.

Why, having matured, do not all people stop swearing or try to do it not everywhere and not always:

• First, habit is strong.
• Secondly, according to scientific research, swearing acts as a pain reliever due to the production of joy hormones - endorphins (additional reinforcement).
• Thirdly, swearing may be the norm in an individual’s environment.
• Fourthly, a person simply does not know how to express his thoughts differently due to weak thinking and poor vocabulary.
• The fifth reason is an attempt to relieve stress, emotional tension, and excitement (“Ugh, I feel better”).

The researchers came to another interesting conclusion: when swearing, the one who swears produces testosterone, and the one in whose direction the swearing is facing, testosterone decreases. Thus, scolding is a way of suppressing an opponent. It is worth noting that the method may be effective, but it is not social, inferior, primitive. There are many more correct ways to show and earn authority.

Thus, it can be argued that swearing is a trait of insecure people. It is they who choose such forms of self-affirmation (“Swearing is prohibited, but I, so brave, bold and dangerous, swear”). “I don’t care who thinks what. This is my challenge to society,” thinks the inveterate swearer.

All people are familiar with swearing. Those who do not swear restrain themselves. In what situations is it especially difficult to restrain yourself, when you can hear swearing from the calmest and most cultured person? In a state of fear, danger, anger, risk, affect, extreme irritation and indignation. Back to uncertainty again. Remember: swearing is always perceived as aggression. “The best defense is an attack,” says worldly wisdom.

However, there are people who literally use obscenities. Here, I think, it is more correct to talk about lack of culture or a specific perception of the world and the vision of a certain charm, charisma, and acuity of speech in swearing. Yes, for some people it is part of the image. What’s interesting is that the environment itself cannot perceive them differently. But even the image has its deep roots.

Why conflicts arise in the family ↑

The most common reasons why people living together begin to quarrel include:

1. Different ideas about family life. If for a wife an exemplary life is quiet everyday life and tireless work for the benefit of the newly created unit of society, and for a husband it is a continuous holiday consisting of trips to nightclubs and get-togethers with friends, disagreements are inevitable. The problem can only be solved by lowering the bar of expectations and agreeing to mutual concessions.
2. Modest budget. Waking up every morning with the awareness of your own poverty is not very pleasant. Spouses, tired of denying themselves everything, gradually become irritable and begin to blame each other for financial failures. There can be only one way out of the situation - an active search for a higher-paying job.
3. Alcoholism or drug addiction. Having decided to throw in your lot with a person with a pathological addiction, you can forget about peace for a long time. Such people are characterized by sudden mood swings, poor health and a disgusting habit of dragging everything that is “bad” out of the house. The only way to influence them is to carry out an effective course of treatment.
4. Treason. Unfortunately, even an official stamp in a passport does not guarantee marital fidelity. Having caught a loved one cheating, you can and even need to give vent to your emotions, but after shouting enough, you need to figure out what motivated him. If it is a banal thirst for new sensations, then this can still be dealt with; it is much more difficult if he has met a new love.
5. Indifference towards children. Many people, seeing this point, will be surprised: “well, how can you not love your child?!” In fact, what we are talking about here is a reluctance to actively participate in his upbringing. By the way, the most common sin of this is fathers, who mistakenly believe that since they bring money to the family, everything else is the mother’s lot.
6. Rare sex. Having been married for several years, it is quite difficult to maintain the former ardor. At first, sex goes from daily to weekly, and then one of the partners begins to evade the fulfillment of marital duties in every possible way. The consequences are quite predictable: reproaches, insults and attempts to convict the draft dodger of treason.
7. Lack of help around the house. Daily household chores are a thankless task, especially if they are completely entrusted to one person. Fatigue accumulated from endless household chores will make itself known through attacks of aggression and nervous breakdowns. Such troubles can only be avoided by a fair distribution of responsibilities.
8. Different faith. Religious intolerance, sweeping victoriously throughout the world, is increasingly penetrating families, forcing two loving people to engage in long theological debates. The only advice that can be given in this case is to respect each other’s faith and then happiness will reign in the house.
9. Bad habits. When falling in love, people lose the ability to sensibly evaluate the actions and behavior of the object of their passion. Loves to eat in bed? Wonderful! Does he smoke without leaving the house? Better! However, euphoria cannot last forever and with its disappearance, discontent appears on the scene, accompanied by irritable reproaches.
10. Heightened self-esteem. There can be no peace in a family where one spouse a priori considers himself better than the other. Full of complacency, he will demand preferential treatment, and not getting what he wants, he will throw hysterics and threaten divorce, which will most likely end the matter.

Energetic power of checkmate

Defectiveness (and swearing against the background of full-fledged speech is defective) is always aggressive. This format of communication is chosen by losers, people with an unbalanced psyche who cannot find their purpose in life. Swearing destroys - first speech, then personality.

It is impossible to communicate using swear words, because this way people cannot convey their thoughts or express emotions. A person fills in his own stupidity and insufficient vocabulary with obscenities.

Important! Swearing is a manifestation of disrespect for the interlocutor and the whole world. Swearing undermines trust between people, since from the point of view of a normal, educated, cultured person, swearing is unacceptable.

The effect of obscene words on the body

In medicine, it is not uncommon for people stricken with paralysis and unable to speak a word to clearly pronounce entire strings of swear words. This indicates that swearing is formed along different nerve chains, not like normal speech. Agree, this fact makes you think.

Scientists, as a result of long-term research and experiments, have come to the conclusion that the use of swear words in everyday speech reduces the quality of life and worsens human health. Each swear word carries an energy charge with negative energy.

Over the course of several years, two groups took part in the experiment. The first group used the mat, but the second did not. As a result, people who regularly used swear words have worsened chronic diseases, their biological age has increased by an average of 10-15 years compared to the data in their passport.

Man, as a spiritual being, comes to earth to learn, gain wisdom, and gain new knowledge. However, if he begins to behave indecently, gets carried away by dubious pleasures, he will receive a limited flow of vital energy. People who use swear words are essentially vampires. They receive all the benefits at the expense of their loved ones and friends; it is from them that they constantly take energy.

Important! A lack of vital energy leads to problems in all areas of life - human development slows down, health deteriorates, and problems arise in personal life.

The impact of swearing on expectant mothers

Mat has a very strong effect on women's health. Moreover, women who themselves swear, as well as those who regularly hear it, are at risk. Foul language can lead to such a serious problem as infertility in men and women.

A woman, using swear words, blocks her sexual center. As a result, gynecological diseases appear, as well as frigidity. As a result, the woman becomes unable to produce offspring. It is noteworthy that no specialist is able to cure infertility that has arisen due to the use of swearing. The only way to conceive and give birth to a child is to repent and stop swearing.

The harm of obscene language for children and adolescents

Unfortunately, parents do not always think about the fact that swearing in front of children is prohibited; as a rule, they think that children do not understand or remember anything, but in fact, the situation is absolutely the opposite. Mat is dangerous at any age.

First of all, swear words are a conductor of violence and aggression in a child’s life. Swear words always accompany fights, anger, and aggression. Accordingly, the child quickly becomes saturated with negative energy and begins to radiate it to the people around him.

In addition, the child develops a dependence on swearing. Experts tend to draw a parallel between foul language and the use of alcohol and drugs. The sooner a child starts using a mat, the more difficult it will be for him to get rid of it.

Also, swearing significantly reduces the child’s chances of becoming a parent in the future.

Important! The task of parents, first of all, is to eliminate swearing from their own vocabulary, and also to explain in detail to the child why it is forbidden to use foul language.

The child must clearly understand that swearing insults people and disgusts others. With people who regularly use foul language, communication is kept to a minimum.

Use "I-messages"

An “I message” is a statement in which a person describes his own feelings, sensations, thoughts, expectations and actions. At the same time, without blaming others for your reactions.

You can react to a conflict situation in different ways: accuse your partner of all mortal sins or admit what emotions this situation evokes in you. In the first case, it will be an attack (albeit unconscious), in the second you will show openness to dialogue and winning sincerity.

Example: you don’t like it when your partner raises his voice at you. Instead of telling him, “Don't yell at me,” use an “I message”: “I really hate being yelled at.” This is how you show that, in principle, you do not accept shouting, rather than reproaching the other.

How to turn reproaches into the beginning of a constructive dialogue:

• “I'm upset” instead of “You're making me upset.”
• “I’m offended” instead of “You offend.”
• “I feel angry” instead of “You are angry.”
• “I feel unpleasant” instead of “You do unpleasant things.”

Where else can I-messages come in handy?

Why people swear: five main reasons

A very valid point. Many scientists have long proven that thought can influence reality. The word is a continuation of thought. And if this word carries a spiritual message, then it is nothing more than an attempt to hide one’s shortcomings and weaknesses. King Solomon wrote: Now imagine the legendary commanders of the Russian army - Suvorov, Kutuzov, Nakhimov, who communicated with their subordinates in this way. A strong person, capable of gaining authority with his talent and human qualities, simply does not need to assert himself using dirty and vile methods. And the statement that there is “no other way” in the army is an attempt to justify one’s own weakness and incompetence.

Sequencing

First, you need to realize that your best friend, even if he is very offended now, feels the severity of what happened. It is likely that he worries no less than you and also wants to make peace, especially if your friendship has lasted more than one year and the two of you have already experienced a lot. Secondly, you need to understand how your friend feels. If you can explain his behavior, it will be easier for you to approach him. No need to worry about how to take the first step. You should not hope that your friend will decide to be the first to reconcile

It is important to understand that the more time is lost, the more difficult it is to restore the old relationship. But you still have to wait for some period

You shouldn’t rush to make peace immediately after a quarrel. Allow your friend to cool down and deal with his emotions. Sometimes you need to wait a few days. Before you go to make peace, you should analyze the whole situation, realize what was the reason for the quarrel, who is really to blame. But you should not engage in analysis in the first hours after the scandal. You also need to calm down, look at the situation from the outside, and not only from your point of view, but also put yourself in the place of your friend. If your analysis has led you to believe that your friend is to blame for what happened, you need to determine for yourself whether it’s worth putting up with him at all. Everything could happen due to the character traits of a comrade whom you will no longer be able to change. Perhaps he betrayed you, therefore, there is no guarantee that he will not do this again in the future. Therefore, it is important to evaluate the whole situation, to understand whether you need this reconciliation at all. If you understand that the conflict occurred because of you, you need to think about whether you can change and no longer behave in such a way as not to provoke new quarrels in the future. If you decide that you can cope with your negative traits in order to preserve your friendship, proceed to the reconciliation stage. When you're ready to connect, call your friend on the phone or write a letter, but it's better if you go up and talk in person. It is possible that the comrade will be overly offended and will not want to make peace. In such a situation, do not despair. Perhaps he needs more time to be ready to improve the relationship. Of course, it all depends on what caused the conflict. If, for example, you stole a girl from your best friend, it is not surprising that you are now relegated to the category of enemies and reconciliation is impossible. Remember that the process of building relationships must be correct. It is unacceptable to humiliate yourself or slander yourself, even if you are to blame for the quarrel. If the blame lies with you, say that you regret what happened and will try everything to not repeat what happened. If the fault is on a friend, you can behave as if nothing had happened, invite your friend to the bar, sit over a glass of beer. But you should not express your dissatisfaction with his behavior and point out that he is to blame for the quarrel, otherwise a new conflict will develop.

Be careful, comrade Gender

So far, everything looks like swearing will allow you to become the star of the party. However, there is one subtlety here: how the speaker’s speech will be perceived depends on his gender.

In 2001, R. O'Neill of Louisiana State University conducted a study in which he read transcripts of recorded speeches to volunteers in which speakers occasionally uttered the word fuck. If he reported that the speech belonged to a man, everything was fine, but when it turned out that fuck was heard in a female speech, the attitude of the respondents changed.

Finally

This simple approach to quarrels takes a lot of practice, but if brought to automaticity, it will help improve any relationship. The most important thing is to understand that you cannot get rid of problems, but you can learn to benefit from them.

A wise man once said:

Don't be afraid of storms, clarity always comes after them.

Any woman is capable of “sculpting” her husband into whatever she wants, as if from melting plasticine. And nature has provided the most effective tools for this - affection, tenderness and love. True, not everyone has the strength or desire to use these tools. As a result, it is impossible to avoid a quarrel with her husband.

Quarrels happen in any family, but it is not them that lead to the collapse of the family boat, but the behavior in their process. How to quarrel with your spouse correctly and what absolutely should not be done?

How to achieve mastery

Another important feature of a lover of obscene language is emotionality. This is also attractive: people like to see displays of emotion, and the stronger their intensity, the more reluctant we are to leave the theater.

Although expressive coloring is characteristic of swearing in general, there are also special studies that conclusively establish a connection between swearing and increased emotional arousal. In one of them, subjects were asked to play computer games. The first group got meditative golf on green lawns, the second - a first-person shooter (this is when the player sees his character not from the back, but as if he were holding a rifle in his hands). After ten minutes of shooting or stomping on the lawn with a stick, the scientists tested all participants' level of swearing fluency. The guys who played the shooter won, which allowed the researchers to conclude: emotional intensity helps us quickly find the right expressions and easily select the appropriate witty word.

Causes of conflicts

There are a great many reasons for a quarrel every day: you looked at a stranger girl wrong, forgot about your mother’s birthday, left one cutlet in the frying pan and did not wash the dishes. In fact, such little things are just the tip of the iceberg. The true reasons for quarrels are always hidden much deeper

Most often, quarrels in couples arise due to the fact that partners are in no hurry to meet each other’s expectations. Admit it to yourself honestly: when you first met your man, you were already annoyed by some little things. However, every woman is convinced that she can fit her soul mate to her own ideas about the man of her dreams. When this does not happen, mutual reproaches begin.

Distrust in a partner often provokes conflicts in a couple. You may think that your dissatisfaction is justified, because he has a new project at work with a nice colleague. Remember that this is not jealousy, this is mistrust. If a man doesn’t give you a reason to doubt his fidelity, and you’re still looking for incriminating evidence, think about it. Maybe you just need an acceptable reason to end the relationship?

Fear of betrayal and deception significantly undermines a woman’s emotional background. When our partner does not show his feelings to the extent we would like, we begin to doubt the sincerity of his intentions. The reason for these doubts lies in self-doubt. It’s not for nothing that they say that women dress up not for men, but for other women.

If you constantly expect a trick from your other half, take care of your life: buy yourself those same shoes, go to the cinema with a friend, find a hobby you like - fitness, reading, Italian language courses. When a person is busy, he does not compare himself with others. If a woman is confident and feels that she is interesting and attractive to other people, her partner will begin to see the same.

Specifics of response

If a person is offended by the words of his interlocutor, then, as part of an instinctive reaction, he hits this ball and sometimes directs even biased conclusions and assessments towards him. In this way, he simply returns the pain that he felt at the time of the attacks or statements. Even if the latter were completely objective.

But this does not always happen. The course of a potential conflict situation may change depending on the awareness of at least one of the participants. When a person hears unpleasant words addressed to him (which are accompanied by actions that are incorrect in his opinion), he has a choice: to respond in kind, not to defend his position, or to stop the interlocutor without continuing the conflict.

The conflict is in full swing

Compared to the first option, the last two seem the most reasonable. But it is also not always appropriate to resolve the conflict with your consent. The outcome depends on the context of the problem and how a dissatisfied person presents it to you. That's why we learn to be rude beautifully. If one of the interlocutors understands that the second person is guilty for objective reasons (and not his subjective assessments), then leaving the situation unresolved is similar to giving him a free hand in the future. With you, and also with other people. This is most relevant for the personal and social spheres of life.

The most obvious and effective technique is often the golden rule: do not make excuses and do not continue the conflict.

Different behavioral tactics

What to do:

Attack tactics for a girl in conflict

• Make fun of your opponent.
• Tactic “attack with questions”: why did you come to such a conclusion, why do you decide that such a division of people is true, what category do you classify yourself in, etc.
• The technique of abstraction is the transfer of a personal insult to the category of some individuals in the general mass. Sample dialogue: - You're an idiot. - Yes, some people in this world are truly idiots.
• Consent and reductio ad absurdum. For example, when someone calls you a homeless person, you can answer: “Yes, I haven’t been included in the Forbes list yet.”
• Attentive listening, which is supported by an interested facial expression and encouraging phrases: “continue”, “Yes, very interesting”, etc.
• Reacting from the position of “I” (if you are on good terms with the person, but he blurted out something out of place). For example, if someone insults you about your clothing choices, don't respond in kind to the other person's style. Here it would be more appropriate to answer something like “I spent a long time choosing this thing. I like her. And your statements offend me.”
• Abrupt interruption of dialogue. The transition to personalities (especially in the social sphere) must be interrupted by a clear and conflict-free departure (from the topic and in terms of physical presence).
• Revealing to a person his true fears. The method is based on the fact that all aggressors project their fears onto other people at the moment of insulting them (paying less attention to other shortcomings).
• Appeal to feelings of guilt. You can tell a person that you treat him well and do not understand his attack.

What to do if scandals become constant

The most important thing: be tolerant. Remember why you once chose this person. All these positive qualities are still alive in him! Now take three steps towards reconciliation.

If scandals occur in the family, and the child is to blame, sit down at the negotiating table and clearly state the responsibilities of each spouse in raising them. A woman may believe that her husband should bathe her son because that was the custom in her family. But this does not mean that it should be so! In the discussion, one can understand where the roots of the reasons provoking this or that scandal lie. Never tell your parents about the causes and consequences of family feuds. A constant stream of negativity will give them the impression that your family is worthless, and they will begin to convince you to get a divorce. Even when you make up, your parents will remember and ruin everything. The reason for each misunderstanding must be carefully analyzed so as not to be repeated

In addition, it is important to do two good things for every one bad thing. We had a fight, apologized, admitted we were wrong, and went on a date to give each other a pleasant experience.

Do everything possible to get out of the constant cycle of abuse and reconciliation, learn to negotiate. If it is difficult for you to do this on your own, know that Yekaterinburg is known for several psychological centers that will help you save your family.

Checkmate is a viral program of the mind: what to do?

What did the legendary teacher Makarenko say about swear words? He said this about swear words: “Unvarnished, petty, poor and cheap crap, a cynical, arrogant, hooligan denial of both our respect for women and our path to deep and truly human beauty.”

It’s enough to ask yourself the question: “Do I want my child to swear?” Almost any reasonable person will say “no”. Moreover, the first swear word from a child’s mouth shocks a person to the core, while we rarely realize that he most likely heard this swear word from us or our relatives. Why, when we allow ourselves to say these words, do we not want our child to do the same? The reason is simple: deep down we understand that this is disgusting and unworthy, but for some of the reasons described above we continue to behave this way.

This is interestingSilence. Instructions for use

Silence represents the absence of both external (speech) and internal dialogues and monologues (active activity of the mind). Inner silence becomes achievable only at the fifth stage of yoga - pratyahara (distraction of the senses from external objects), which is inaccessible to most people, especially at the initial stage.

Thus, swearing is a destructive destructive program that, like a virus, spreads and cripples the psyche of everyone who succumbs to this virus. And all the arguments in favor of swearing are nothing more than an attempt to cover up one’s own shortcomings and weaknesses. King Solomon wrote:

“By the blessing of the righteous a city is exalted, but by the mouth of the wicked it is destroyed.”

Very accurately noted. Many scientists have long proven that thought can influence reality. And the word is a continuation of thought. And if this word carries spiritual meaning, it is nothing more than an attempt to cover up one’s own shortcomings and weaknesses. King Solomon wrote:

Is it possible to imagine a spiritually developed person who uses obscenities? Not a single spiritual mentor, philosopher or simply worthy person, whose activity is aimed at creation, will ever stoop to swear words. Because such speech automatically causes degradation of both the one who speaks and the one who hears.

We all know the proverb: “Cleanliness is the key to health.” And we are talking not only about physical purity, but also about spiritual purity. And the purity of our language is the guarantee of the moral health of an entire people. A worthy and harmoniously developed person will never stoop to swear words, this is simply a model of behavior alien to him. Mat is, first of all, a sign of infantility, inferiority, spiritual and moral degradation. And, descending to this level of thinking and communication, we will inevitably degrade, no matter what versions and theories we use to justify our behavior.

What should you definitely not do? Parents' mistakes

When parents hear a child swearing, there is a great temptation to punish, put the child in a corner, or threaten with a belt. It seems that the more you punish the little offender, the better he will understand his guilt and will never repeat the mistake again. However, an inadequate reaction from parents can not only lead to pedagogical failure, but also destroy close parent-child relationships.

Let's look at the main mistakes of adults that can lead to a worsening situation.