How to increase a child's self-esteem? Advice from a psychologist. Increasing self-esteem of a preschooler

The success of human life, in addition to objective circumstances, is also influenced by the level of self-esteem, which begins to form in the preschool period under the influence of the child’s environment, primarily parents. Self-esteem is a person’s assessment of his capabilities, qualities and place among other people.

A healthy atmosphere in the family, the desire to understand and support the child, sincere participation and empathy, a sense of psychological security - these are the components for the formation of positive adequate self-esteem in the child.

A child with high self-esteem may believe that he is right in everything. He strives to control other children, seeing their weaknesses, but not seeing his own, often interrupts, treats others down, and tries with all his might to attract attention to himself. From a child with high self-esteem you can hear: “I am the best.” With inflated self-esteem, children are often aggressive and belittle the achievements of other children.

If a child's self-esteem is low , most likely he is anxious and unsure of his own abilities. Such a child always thinks that he will be deceived, offended, underestimated, always expects the worst, and builds a defensive wall of mistrust around himself. He strives for solitude, is touchy, and indecisive. Such children adapt poorly to new conditions. When performing any task, they are set up for failure, finding insurmountable obstacles. Children with low self-esteem often refuse new activities for fear of failure, overestimate the achievements of other children and do not attach importance to their own successes.

Low, negative self-esteem in a child is extremely unfavorable for the full development of the individual. Such children are in danger of developing the attitude “I am bad”, “I can’t do anything”, “I am a loser”.

With adequate self-esteem, the child creates around himself an atmosphere of honesty, responsibility, compassion and love. He feels valued and respected. He believes in himself, although he is able to ask for help, is able to make decisions, and can admit that there are mistakes in his work. He values himself, and therefore is ready to value those around him. Such a child has no barriers that prevent him from experiencing a variety of feelings towards himself and others. He accepts himself and others as they are.

If you praise, then it’s right

Of great importance in the formation of a child’s self-esteem is the interested attitude of an adult, approval, praise, support and encouragement - they stimulate the child’s activities and form moral habits of behavior.
Physiologist D.V. Kolesov O. If a child does not receive timely approval during an activity, he develops a feeling of insecurity. However, you also need to praise correctly! Understanding how important praise is for a child, it must be used very skillfully. Vladimir Levi, author of the book “The Non-Standard Child,” believes that there is no need to praise a child in the following cases:

For what was not achieved through one’s own labor - physical, mental or spiritual.
Beauty and health are not subject to praise All natural abilities as such , including good character.
Toys, things, clothes, random finds.
You can't praise out of pity.
Out of a desire to please.

How and when self-esteem is formed in childhood

At an early age, the child acts thoughtlessly, without predicting the results of his actions, only under the influence of a momentary desire.

At this stage, parents begin to form future self-esteem with the help of limiting phrases: “ Ay !”, “ You can’t ,” “ It hurts ” and show the child the possible consequences.

Gradually, purposefulness and dependence on the situation arise. The child begins to follow more complex verbal instructions and receives reward or punishment for this.

Praise and encouragement: for what?

It is important to remember that absolutely all children are talented in their own way. Parents should be more attentive to their children in order to find the talent inherent in the child and develop it. It is important to encourage any child's desire for self-expression and development . Under no circumstances should you tell a child that he will not become a great singer, dancer, etc. With such phrases, you not only discourage a child from wanting to do anything, but also deprive him of self-confidence, lower his self-esteem, and reduce motivation.
Be sure to praise your children for any achievements : for good grades at school, for winning sports competitions, for a beautiful drawing.
One of the methods of praise can be an advance , or praise for what will happen. Approval in advance will instill in the child faith in himself and his strength: “You can do this!” “You can almost do it!”, “You can definitely do it!”, “I believe in you!”, “You will succeed!” etc. Praising a child in the morning is an advance for the whole long and difficult day.

Vladimir Levi advises remembering the child’s suggestibility. If you say: “Nothing will ever come of you!”, “You are incorrigible, you have only one road (to prison, to the police, to an orphanage, etc.)” - then don’t be surprised if this happens. After all, this is a real direct suggestion , and it works. The child may believe in your attitudes.

Techniques for increasing a child’s self-esteem:

Ask for advice as an equal or elder. Be sure to follow the child’s advice, even if it is far from the best, since the educational result is more important than any other.
Ask for help as a peer or elder.
There are moments when an all-powerful adult needs to be a junior - weak, dependent, helpless, defenseless... from a child!

Already at the age of 5-7, this technique, used from time to time, can give miraculous results. And especially with a teenager, in a mother-son relationship - if you want to raise a real man.

Causes of inferiority complex

They are numerous and occur at different stages of a child’s growth. Let's look at some:

words from loved ones, especially with a negative connotation
lack of faith in the child, but strength and ability
life without support and desire to help the baby in difficult situations
parental “deafness” to the real needs of the child
discussing and ridiculing his behavior with strangers
parents conveying their unhappy scenarios
manipulations in communication
education with the predominance of market relations: you give me this, and I’ll give you money
lack of access to the parent’s body at critical moments for the child
parents placing excessive hopes on fragile children's shoulders

Thus, while our society and each individual parent is “sick,” raising children with healthy self-esteem becomes more difficult.

Punishments: rules for parents

Not only encouragement, but also punishment plays an important role in the formation of self-esteem. When punishing a child, you should follow a number of recommendations.

Punishment should not harm health - neither physical nor psychological. Moreover, punishment must be useful.
If there is any doubt whether to punish or not to punish, do not punish . Even if they have already realized that they are usually too soft and indecisive. No "prevention".
At one time - about the bottom of the punishment . The punishment can be severe, but only one, for everything at once.
Punishment is not at the expense of love . Whatever happens, do not deprive your child of your warmth.
Never take away things given by you or anyone else - ever!
You can cancel the punishment . Even if he acts so outrageously that it couldn’t be worse, even if he just yelled at you, but at the same time today he helped the sick or protected the weak. Don't forget to explain to your child why you did this.
It is better not to punish than to punish belatedly. Belated punishments instill in the child the past and prevent him from becoming different.
Punished - forgiven . If the incident is over, try not to remember the “old sins.” Don't bother me to start living again. By remembering the past, you risk creating in your child a feeling of “eternal guilt.”
No humiliation . If the child believes that we are unfair, punishment will have the opposite effect.

Techniques for normalizing a child’s high self-esteem:

Teach your child to listen to the opinions of people around him.
Take criticism calmly, without aggression.
Teach to respect the feelings and desires of other children, as they are just as important as your own feelings and desires.

We do not punish:

If the child feels unwell or is sick.
When a child eats, after sleep, before bed, during play, while working.
Immediately after mental or physical trauma.
When a child cannot cope with fear, with inattention, with mobility, with irritability, with any shortcoming, making sincere efforts. And in all cases when something doesn’t work out.
When the internal motives of an action are unclear to us.
When we ourselves are not ourselves, when we are tired, upset or irritated for some reason...

To develop adequate self-esteem in a child

Don’t protect your child from everyday affairs, don’t try to solve all his problems for him, but don’t overload him either. Let your child help with the cleaning, enjoy the work done and receive well-deserved praise. Set feasible tasks for your child so that he can feel skillful and useful.
Don't overpraise your child, but don't forget to reward him when he deserves it.
Remember that to form adequate self-esteem, both praise and punishment must also be adequate.
Encourage initiative in your child.
Show by your example the adequacy of your attitude towards successes and failures. Compare: “Mom’s pie didn’t turn out well - well, that’s okay, next time we’ll put more flour.” Or: “Horror! The pie didn't work out! I will never bake again!”
Don't compare your child to other children. Compare him with himself (what he was yesterday or will be tomorrow).
Scold for specific actions, not in general.
Remember that negative feedback is the enemy of interest and creativity.
Analyze his failures together with your child, drawing the right conclusions. You can tell him something using your example, so the child will feel an atmosphere of trust and understand that you are closer to him.
Try to accept your child for who he is.

Raising self-esteem for teenagers (12–18 years old)

In this video , psychologist, creator of the Academy of Professional Parenting, Marina Romanenko talks in detail about what parents need to do so that everything is in order with a teenager’s self-esteem. We recommend watching to the end.

The seemingly independent and self-sufficient schoolboy suddenly turned into an insecure young man. An alarming symptom that cannot be ignored. A professional diagnosis will help you understand the reasons, as will a confidential conversation with your father or mother. Choose the most appropriate method and try to raise your teenager's self-esteem before it becomes problematic:

Focus the young person's attention on the fact that it is much more important to be yourself than to live up to other people's ideals . Give examples from the lives of people who are significant to him (relatives, peers, or even stars).
Conduct conversations without teaching intonations . Try to explain by your example that to achieve success you need to truly accept and love yourself.
Shift your attention away from the problem area in which low self-esteem has developed.
Support hobbies, take an interest in the teenager’s extracurricular life, even if you don’t really approve of anime, gothic or street art. Be sincerely proud of the results of your joint work: hang a certificate for participation in the exhibition in the common room, post a report on your joint trip to a hip-hop competition on social networks.
Forget about negative assessments and criticism. You will have to overcome the evil teacher within you. Learn several NLP techniques and learn to give negative feedback in a positive way: “ You came up with a great idea!” What if you add/change here? ..” Conflict with a teenager is a sure way to lose his trust for a long time.

Important ! Don't expect your teenager to obediently comply. Any conflict model of behavior is doomed to failure. Another strategy that is also ineffective is to lower demands in response to protest.

Teenagers protest on every convenient occasion, expressing their opinions and their position. Parents should not underestimate the strength of their teenager's personality. His sense of self is equal to that of an adult, and self-esteem and self-confidence can go off scale, even with low self-esteem. This is the sign and paradox of growing up.

Games and tests

I suggest you get acquainted with some games that will help determine the type of self-esteem of your child, as well as form and maintain an adequate level of self-esteem in him.

Test "Ladder" ("Ten steps")

This test is used from 3 years of age.

Draw on a piece of paper or cut out a ladder of 10 steps. Now show it to the child and explain that on the lowest step there are the worst (angry, envious, etc.) boys and girls, on the second step - a little better, on the third even better, and so on. But at the very top step are the smartest (good, kind) boys and girls. It is important that the child correctly understands the location on the steps; you can ask him about this.

Now ask: on what step would he stand ? Let him draw himself on this step or put a doll. Now you have completed the task, all that remains is to draw conclusions.

If a child places himself on the first, 2nd, or 3rd steps from the bottom, then he has low self-esteem .

If it’s 4th, 5th, 6th, 7th, then average (adequate) .

And if it is on the 8th, 9th, 10th, then self-esteem is too high .

Attention: in preschoolers, self-esteem is considered too high if the child constantly puts himself at the 10th level.

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“Name” (N.V. Klyueva, N.V. Kasatkina)

This game can provide additional information about a child's self-esteem.

You can invite your child to come up with a name that he would like to have, or leave his own. Ask why he doesn't like or like his name, why he would like to be called differently. This game can provide additional information about your baby's self-esteem. After all, often giving up one’s name means that the child is dissatisfied with himself or wants to be better than he is now.

“Playing out situations” (N.V. Klyueva, Yu.V. Kasatkina)

The child is offered situations in which he must portray himself. Situations can be different, invented or taken from life. Other roles during the enactment are performed by one of the parents or other children. Sometimes it is useful to switch roles. Example situations:

You took part in the competition and took first place, and your friend was almost last. He was very upset. Help him calm down.
Mom brought 3 oranges for you and your sister (brother). How will you divide them? Why?
The guys from your group in kindergarten are playing an interesting game, and you are late, the game has already started. Ask to be accepted into the game. What will you do if the children don't want to accept you? (This game will help your child learn effective behavior patterns and use them in real life.)

Try to be more attentive to your children, encourage and praise them, spend more time together, and you will help your baby become happier, fill his life with bright colors. I believe in you!

"You are the most beautiful in the world"

Preschoolers often hear such phrases - today it is fashionable to cultivate leaders and instill irresistibility in business kids who do not see barriers in front of them. In psychology, this is called affirmation - an attitude that influences subsequent behavior.

But everything is good in moderation. It is better to organize acquaintance with failures at an early age than to treat a child for neuroses when the first teenage difficulties in communication and achievements arise.

Do you criticize or praise your child more often?

I criticize more than I praise 43%, 85 votes
85 votes 43%
85 votes - 43% of all votes
I praise and criticize approximately equally 38%, 76 votes
76 votes 38%
76 votes - 38% of all votes
I praise more than I criticize 20%, 39 votes
39 votes 20%
39 votes - 20% of all votes

Total votes: 200

21.05.2018

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Primary school is the period when self-esteem is most influenced by academic success. The first teacher is the most authoritative elder in the life of a junior student, and it is important to choose a modern teacher who develops talents and helps in the development of the best personal qualities.

Parents should avoid criticism and conflicts based on academic performance, and patiently help them cram the multiplication tables and solve problems about trains.

A teenager's self-esteem often depends on the opinions of peers. The leading activity at this age is communication and knowledge of all facets of the social life of an adult. Every day of a teenager is a competition in adulthood; studies fade into the background. Girls focus on appearance, boys on physical strength.

It is difficult for adolescent children to adequately evaluate themselves, because a confident sense of adulthood conflicts with insufficient life experience. The result of this conflict is anxiety, self-doubt, fluctuations in self-esteem, and decreased school performance.

To raise a teenager’s self-esteem, it is necessary to maintain contact with the child by all means, explaining the limitations by external factors: “You are still a minor, you need to grow up and gain experience.” Teach the child to reflect, analyze situations and trust in elders.