How a woman can raise her self-esteem and start loving herself: a psychologist answers

In the era of the heyday of social networks, the ability to take photos is almost a paramount skill. Whether it’s a spontaneous selfie or a professional photo shoot, the result should be completely satisfactory. But what if you haven’t managed to make friends with even your iPhone’s camera yet? Evgenia Kuleshova, a posing and gait coach and the author of an individual technique, thanks to which every frame becomes a masterpiece, shares useful life hacks and her story with us.

It happens like this: you look at your photo, and everything seems to be fine: your figure is slender, your legs are long, your waist is no worse than Kendall Jenner’s, but your face... To put it mildly, it spoils the whole picture.
Why such injustice? I want normal photographs as a keepsake, and not “that’s all.”

First, I’ll tell you why this happens. The fact is that we are used to seeing ourselves in the mirror from one angle. And when we encounter someone else, we experience a whole range of emotions - from bewilderment to hostility. At the same time, from a technical point of view, everything can be fine with the frame. But the face decides!

Let's look at the factors that may cause us to not like ourselves in the photo. And there are only two of them:

• wrong light;
• wrong shooting point.

Why self-esteem decreases

Before you begin to increase a woman’s self-esteem, it is important to determine what is meant by self-esteem. Simply put, this is the perception of one’s qualities and place determined in society. The formation of one's own perception is formed in childhood under the influence of the family. It depends on the parents whether their child will be successful or will constantly doubt his own abilities. According to family analysts, mothers and fathers should not use certain educational techniques, as they have a detrimental effect on the psyche of children.

Similar methods include:

• conversation in an orderly tone;
• criticism;
• threats;
• comparison with other children;
• ignoring the child’s opinion;
• reluctance to see a person in your child.

Experts call such methods direct suggestion, and since in childhood people do not yet have their own attitudes, they turn out to be easily suggestible. If you regularly tell someone about their insignificance and stupidity, then as a result the person will believe it. To better understand how to increase a woman’s self-esteem, psychologists recommend remembering the puberty period. Teenage girls are very vulnerable and susceptible. If parents say day after day that their daughter belongs in prison or in the trash heap, then these words will sooner or later be confirmed. Take the test and find out what your chances are of getting your husband back

Change your job if you are constantly criticized

Excessive focus on work leads to serious emotional stress and emotional burnout. A man or woman will not be able to increase their self-esteem under such pressure. The most important thing is that the entire recovery should proceed calmly. If your actions and behavior are always criticized by your boss or colleagues, it’s easier to change the team and position yourself there in a new way. Remember, for your friends you have read a book. The more contacts you have with new people, the faster your confidence develops.

Reasons for low self-esteem

In addition to the peculiarities of upbringing, psychologists identify three more main reasons for self-doubt:

1. Failures in childhood. For example, she did not take first place at the Olympics.
2. Inability to set goals. This happens when communicating with people for whom self-realization means nothing.
3. Atypical appearance. If a girl was overweight or wore glasses, and was laughed at at school, then she is unlikely to develop adequate self-esteem.

How to learn to respect yourself

If a woman does not show herself respect, others will treat her the same way. Therefore, the development of such a skill must be approached with the utmost seriousness. How to do this correctly?

Understand your essence and nature

Both characteristics are inherent in every living creature from birth. It turns out that a person should initially be happy, have adequate self-esteem, respect the personality and body.

Everyone has the opportunity to independently determine their life path, make a choice between good and bad, bear responsibility for it, set goals for the future and achieve them. This is a gift of fate. Appreciate him and yourself.

You can start changing with simple actions: learn to live for others, without forgetting about your own dignity. You need to take care of others, pay attention to their interests and desires, but at the same time not relegate your interests to the background.

What kind of men do women with low self-esteem prefer?

Insecure young ladies, as a rule, attract authoritarian, selfish and domineering men, who easily convince their chosen ones that the main task of their life is to ensure the well-being of their spouse. After all, a wife who knows her place is very easy to manage. She silently follows instructions and does not expect gratitude. Agree, a convenient wife. That's why he lowers her self-esteem. The head of the family will not rack his brains about how a woman can gain self-confidence, because in this situation there is no need to strain. The partner will forgive everything, because she does not believe that she deserves more. Such husbands are alien to the feeling of jealousy. Girls are grateful to the one who deigned to marry her, and even in their thoughts they do not allow themselves to communicate with other men. And it rarely comes to divorce.

As a rule, girls are manipulated not only by their husbands, but also by those around them. Usually, for this purpose, the victim is instilled with a feeling of guilt, and in order to make amends for it, the ladies solve other people’s problems and invest all their efforts so that everything is at the highest level. After such an attitude, it is difficult to believe in yourself.

Chakra pumping

Anyone who is interested in this can try to pump up their 3rd chakra. The chakra called Manipura is responsible for our self-esteem and is located in the navel area. During meditation, you must plant the seed within yourself with the “I can!” program. It is this phrase that strengthens self-esteem and makes it autonomous.

There are two ways to pump up the chakras:

Sport

If you like to play sports, then during physical activity, scroll through your positive qualities in your head: I can cook well, I can help animals, I can enjoy life, etc. During such activities, your energy is strengthened and your self-esteem increases.

Sports and money give great self-confidence.

Observation

• Given: you are a test scientist, your low self-esteem is your guinea pig.
• What you need to do: observe in your laboratory how the rabbit behaves.

How to raise a girl's self-esteem using this method? Once you look at the problem from the other side, many pitfalls will begin to emerge. And all this will be much easier to work with. You don’t need to overcome bad self-esteem, you just need to observe, reacting to everything: “Clear/understandable. So, what is next? So what?" .

Signs of low self-esteem in women

Before you look for ways to increase a woman’s self-esteem, you need to make sure that she really has problems with self-confidence. Here you need to take a closer look at the young lady for the following signs:

1. Reliability. She does not get pleasure from fulfilling extraneous requests, but she does not know how to refuse, since she does not want to offend and disappoint.
2. Painful reaction to criticism. With adequate self-esteem, a woman either accepts or rejects criticism, but does not cause hysterics. Insecure women perceive criticism as a personal tragedy, since negative statements addressed to them are considered evidence of their inferiority.
3. Inflated criteria for assessing appearance. Due to low self-esteem, the girl is always dissatisfied with her face, weight, and hair condition. At the same time, they publicly speak poorly about their appearance, hoping to hear a refutation of their words in response.
4. Inappropriate reaction to compliments. These ladies love it when people give them compliments, but they don’t know how to accept them.
5. The woman plays the role of the victim. The girls believe that those around them have set themselves the goal of inflicting as much pain as possible. They are completely sure that all the failures in their lives are a pattern.
6. Giving up your own desires. Your desires and dreams come last. Young ladies put the desires of others first, without thinking about developing self-love.
7. Fear of decision making and responsibility. It’s easier for them to shift responsibility for decision-making onto someone else’s shoulders.
8. Dissatisfaction with the environment. Insecure girls believe that no one appreciates them. Psychologists say that they themselves attract those people who make them feel worthless.

Take the test and find out what your chances are of getting your husband back

How to love yourself and your appearance

Dissatisfaction with appearance is much more common among women than among men. They get angry because their hair is too straight or, on the contrary, curly, chubby cheeks, thin lips. This is a direct symptom of low self-esteem and a strong obsession with the body.

You need to take care of your appearance. But at the same time, you should love what is given by nature at birth. Do not try to remake yourself through plastic surgery, strict diets and anything that is harmful to your health. Women need to understand that the physical body is a gift presented by fate. It is much better to devote yourself to developing your inner world. A neat appearance and a beautiful soul in a harmonious combination will help a woman love herself and change the attitude of others towards her.

Simple techniques to increase self-esteem

Self-esteem can and should be increased. Undoubtedly, you will have to fight hard with yourself, but the game is worth the candle. Adequate self-esteem makes a woman happier, more positive and self-confident. Take the test and find out what your chances are of getting your husband back

Find the cause of the problem

Low self-esteem is not determined at the genetic level; its development occurs under the influence of external factors. First of all, you need to determine the root of the problem. Be that as it may, further work on yourself will be much more effective if you visualize the problem of self-doubt.

Stop criticizing yourself

Every person has the right to make a mistake, and there is no need to reproach yourself for any mistake.

By stopping to criticize yourself, you will get several advantages at once:

• the energy that was wasted on self-criticism will be released;
• you will be able to accept yourself and throw all your strength into achieving your goals;
• strong personality traits are activated.

By approaching your failures creatively, you will learn to benefit from them and sometimes turn a mistake to your advantage. In addition to self-criticism, it is very important to be able to respond correctly to criticism from others.

Praise yourself more often

Get into the good habit of praising yourself for small successes. Celebrate each of your victories and analyze what character trait enabled you to achieve this. Thanks to this method, you can acquire adequate self-esteem and develop useful qualities with which you can achieve success.

Learn to refuse

Reliability and low self-esteem have a cause-and-effect relationship. It is necessary to learn to refuse individuals who put their own interests above the interests of others. By learning to firmly say “No!”, you will automatically increase your self-esteem. You will begin to respect yourself and learn to defend your boundaries, which is the basis of a harmonious personality. You can even enroll in courses that teach this.

Create a positive environment around yourself

It’s not without reason that psychologists advise avoiding communication with negative people. They are able to notice the most unpleasant little thing and will certainly remind you of it. Try to make sure that there are only positive people around you who see only good things. Of course, it will not always be possible to adhere to this advice, since a family member may turn out to be a transmitter of negativity. In this case, you need to regularly say that you do not want negativity in your relationship. Tell people things they might not like. Under no circumstances should such things be hushed up.

Play sports

You don't have to spend every evening doing grueling workouts in the gym. Make it a habit to go for a walk or exercise every evening. Don't be afraid to spend time doing physical exercise. Every woman who makes it a rule to devote time to jogging will quickly notice that she has surprisingly more free time. The fact is that sports activities give a powerful energy boost, and things get done faster.

Leave your comfort zone

Under the burden of problems, women begin to become dependent on their own weaknesses, which give them a feeling of comfort. Junk food, alcohol, smoking and other ways to console yourself help you close yourself off from external problems in your own cozy world. Only problems accumulate instead of being solved. On a subconscious level, she understands that she has closed herself off from reality, so her self-esteem decreases at the speed of light. And there is only one method that can effectively and quickly improve it - leave your comfort zone and embrace problem solving.

Use Affirmations

In psychology, there are exercises that can increase self-esteem even for a woman who considers herself a complete loser - these are positive affirmations. These are short phrases that contain positive attitudes. They can be found both in audio recordings and in text versions. They need to be listened to, read aloud, learned by heart. Such attitudes need to be remembered in difficult life situations. Take the test and find out what your chances are of getting your husband back

Find your strengths and develop them

To increase self-esteem, a girl should identify her strengths. According to the modern VIA classification there are 6 of them:

• Wisdom, knowledge. Characteristic of inquisitive people who are able to think broadly. Doing what you love and devoting time to study helps develop quality. Strengths: creativity, originality, inventiveness, ability to think rationally.
• Courage. Man is characterized by courage, fearlessness, perseverance, perseverance, and diligence. People need to live their lives to the fullest in order to expend all their energy.
• Love, humanity. The main features are kindness and generosity, the ability to show feelings and care. It is necessary to find a worthy partner and value close relationships.
• Justice. A person endowed with this quality has a clear civic position and knows how to work independently and in a team. He can increase his self-esteem for free without a psychologist, accumulate enough courage and develop leadership qualities. With a mindset like this, it's easy.
• Moderation. It is a strong character trait. Its owners are endowed with the ability to self-regulate, the ability to control emotions, be prudent, and careful. You can easily smooth out any conflict, the main thing is to use all your charm, temperament, and sense of humor.
• Transcendence. The strength of people lies in beauty, they know how to appreciate and create beauty. The credo of life should be optimism and positivity.

A person does not have only one strength, which is why psychologists recommend developing everything. Try to find something you love. When performing it, relax your soul and body, fill yourself with a positive charge. Regular practice will build self-confidence. Understand that you will not change on the outside. Appearance is a shell, beauty can be found inside and loved.

What will work on self-esteem give?

In order to definitely get a positive result in working on your own self-esteem, to become self-confident, it is very important for a lady to consolidate her motivation and determine for herself what qualities a person with an adequate attitude towards herself has:

• Confidence in your strength;
• knowledge and ability to use your strengths;
• knowledge and acceptance of your weaknesses;
• absence of stress and anxiety;
• immunity to criticism;
• the approval of the environment is not important.

And this is just a small part of the qualities that a woman with normal self-esteem possesses. It's worth developing and growing, isn't it?

Watch the video of an independent psychologist to get rid of fears and increase your self-esteem.

What does “The Way of a Woman” teach? Course to a new, happy life

The “Woman’s Way” course is aimed at helping every woman open up, realize her purpose and find happiness in relationships. You can:

• Get rid of complexes, blocks, negative attitudes.
• Learn more about male and female psychology.
• Stop stepping on the same rake and understand the reasons for failures.
• Attract a worthy man for whom you will always come first.
• Reanimate relationships, take them to a new level.
• Work through your inner state, become happy, calm, confident. Learn to love and accept yourself.

Yes, the Path will not be easy and you will have to make efforts, but the result is worth it. Offers:

• Bodily and psychological practices.
• Detailed video lectures.
• Communication with experts, during which you will receive answers to your most pressing questions.
• Practical tasks.
• Meditations.
• Constant psychological support for mentors and other participants.

Alla Pilipyuk, Growth Phase

Don't be afraid to see a psychologist

Often women are simply afraid to turn to a psychologist; they believe that a specialist only works with people who have serious disorders. No, the doctor helps to find the trigger that caused the problem. Already during the first session, the causes of uncertainty will be established and methods for its correction will be outlined.

Much in solving the problem depends on the patient himself. He must prepare himself for a frank conversation, be ready to talk about his childhood and youth, and current life circumstances. With coordinated interaction, the outcome of the correction will be successful.

Challenge your inner rock star

Albert Einstein said: “We are all geniuses.” But if you judge a fish by its ability to climb a tree, it will live its whole life thinking it is stupid.”

Each of us is unique . And we all have different skills and inclinations. Someone may be a brilliant musician, but he completely lacks the makings of a cook.

No single quality can fully describe you. Recognize your strengths and use them to boost your confidence and rid yourself of negative thoughts.

Psychotherapist and certified sexologist Christy Overstreet advises asking yourself the following questions: Was there a time in your life when your self-esteem was high? What were you doing at this stage of life? If you find it difficult to recognize your unique qualities on your own, ask a friend to help.

Sometimes it is easier for others to see you than for you to see yourself.

❺

Play sports: watch your figure

How good a person looks depends on how he feels about himself. Regular exercise does not just keep you in shape, it increases self-esteem. A girl who notices how her curves become more attractive will be able to more easily accept her flaws. Grueling hours of training are completely unnecessary. Exercise should be enjoyable, so even simple jogging or evening walks in the park will be useful.

Autotraining

To get rid of low self-esteem, psychologists advise practicing auto-training. However, most people misunderstand this technique. This is not just self-hypnosis and working with your internal complexes. Initially, it related to therapeutic psychotherapeutic techniques. Self-education is only the second part of any autogenic training. Many people haven’t even heard about the first one, but without it, reciting the same affirmations is most often useless. We are talking about muscle relaxation, which consists of 5 main exercises.

Let's figure out how to properly conduct auto-training to raise self-esteem.

Part 1. Muscle relaxation

The task of this stage is to prepare physically for auto-training. To do this, you need to relax your body as much as possible and disconnect from the problems of the world around you. The German doctor Schultz (the founder of this technique) called this the switching point when the activity of the cerebral cortex decreases to a minimum. You need to achieve a state close to somnolence. This is the initial stage of hypnosis, intermediate between wakefulness and sleep.

To achieve this state, you need to consistently perform 6 exercises. But first, take the correct starting position: half-lying, half-sitting, or the “coachman” position.

Exercise 1. “Heaviness”

Goal: relieve muscle tone.

Close your eyes and imagine how one of your limbs fills with heaviness and becomes leaden. Mentally convince yourself of this: “My right (left) arm (leg) is heavy.” You need to feel it physically. 21 days are allotted to master the exercise:

• 3 days work with the right leg;
• 3 days - with the left leg;
• 3 days - with both legs at once;
• 3 days - with the right hand;
• 3 days - with the left hand;
• 3 days - with both hands at once;
• 3 days - with all limbs at once.

Execution time: 7-10 minutes.

Exercise 2. “Warmth”

Purpose: to expand subcutaneous blood vessels.

Close your eyes and imagine how one of your limbs fills with warmth, as if you are plunging it into warm, even hot water. Mentally convince yourself of this: “My right (left) hand (leg) is warm.” Feel it physically. The sequence and time for mastering the exercise are similar to the first.

Exercise 3. “Pulse”

Goal: normalize heartbeat.

Lie down on a flat surface. Close your eyes, place your hand on your heart or wrist to clearly hear your pulse. Imagine your chest filling with warmth. Instill this in your mind: “My chest is warm, my heart beats evenly, clearly, powerfully.” Feel it on a physical level. After your heart rate reaches a normal value for your age and health, you need to learn to control it: slow it down (do not drop below 50 beats per minute) and speed it up (do not exceed 90 beats per minute) using mental affirmations.

This exercise helps you cope with anxiety in stressful situations, quickly pull yourself together, and avoid sweating and panting during public speaking.

Exercise 4. “Breathing”

Goal: to develop uniform breathing.

Before this exercise, it is recommended to spend 5 minutes doing any physical activity to slow down your breathing a little. Then you need to relax as much as possible and restore it as quickly as possible by taking a deep breath through your nose and exhaling as much as possible through your mouth. At the same time, mentally every 30 seconds you need to repeat the phrase: “My breathing is even and calm.” After 2 weeks of daily training, you will be able to bring it back to normal in 1.5 minutes.

This exercise will help you cope with an attack of anxiety in a difficult situation.

Exercise 5. “Solar Plexus”

Goal: to establish blood supply to internal organs.

Close your eyes and imagine your stomach filling with warmth, as if you were placing a hot water bottle on it. Mentally convince yourself of this: “My stomach is warm.” Feel it physically.

Exercise 6. “Cool forehead”

Goal: to put your thought processes in order.

Close your eyes and imagine how your head becomes cool, as if you are in the cold or have put an ice compress on your forehead. Mentally convince yourself of this: “My head is cold.” Feel it physically.

The exercise will also be useful in stressful situations, which so often insecure and shy people find themselves in. Surely everyone is familiar with this state when the blood rushes to the head, the temples pulsate, and thoughts refuse to work. When you learn to take control of these processes, it will be easier for you to make informed and correct decisions - one of the key points for those who increase self-esteem.

For 3 weeks, practice all 6 exercises daily in the order in which they are given. At first this will take quite a lot of time, but soon you will be able to achieve a state of somnolence in just 5-10 minutes. And only after this can you move on to that part of auto-training that many people practice - speaking affirmations.

Part 2. Self-hypnosis and self-education

Before pronouncing affirmations aimed at increasing self-esteem, you need to prepare for this:

1. Ensure complete silence: close the windows, turn off the intercom and telephones, warn your family not to disturb you.
2. Leave the position in which you performed muscle relaxation: half-lying, half-sitting, or the “coachman” position.
3. Close eyes.
4. Feel complete relaxation and a state of peace.
5. Imagine a pleasant picture: forest, nature, sea, beach, rye field, space - everyone’s illusions will be different. The main thing is that the color palette evokes peace.
6. Turn on relaxing music: it can be classics, sounds of nature, white noise. It shouldn't be loud.
7. You can use aromatherapy. Coniferous and citrus scents are recommended.
8. You need to practice either early in the morning, when your consciousness is still clear, or in the evening, just before bed - this way the affirmations are absorbed better.

Schultz called this moment of auto-training catharsis (culmination). Only after this is it allowed to recite selected affirmations to increase self-esteem. They also have many requirements:

1. It will be better if a psychologist suggests them to you in accordance with your individual characteristics.
2. Do not type more than 10 affirmations at a time.
3. Sets of 10 affirmations need to be changed every 1-2 weeks.
4. It’s better to memorize them rather than read them on paper or from your phone, as this will disrupt visualization (you can’t open your eyes). Another option is to listen to audio recordings with them, but not with headphones.
5. They need to be spoken out loud, in a clear, even, calm voice.
6. Pronunciation schemes can be different: the entire list from beginning to end, and then repeat it from the beginning, or say each phrase 2-3 times. It's up to you.
7. There is an effective technique that recommends working with only one affirmation until it becomes entrenched in the subconscious, and only then moving on to another.

Be careful! Auto-training is contraindicated in case of vegetative-vascular dystonia, acute somatic attacks, epilepsy, tendency to delirium and unclear consciousness.

The most common mistakes:

• using the future tense in affirmations;
• use of verb forms “can” and “will”;
• use of the negative particle “not”;
• Irregular work with affirmations (not every day);
• a vinaigrette of phrases: today - one block, tomorrow - another;
• lack of action: if you read the af, but you yourself once again refused to read the report at work, auto-training will be useless.

The task of auto-training is to clear the mind of negative thoughts and replace them with positive ones. A person with low self-esteem is a glass of dirty water. Activities of this kind are a filter that gradually clears it of unnecessary impurities. Do this until it becomes crystal clear.

Affirmations that increase self-esteem (approximate traditional block):

1. I am worthy of love and respect.
2. I act independently, without regard to other people's opinions.
3. Everything about me is beautiful: from the smallest details to serious actions.
4. Mistakes and criticism are inevitable, but they are just part of my experience and help me become better.
5. I forgive everyone who once offended me. And I myself let go of the feeling of guilt. All in the past.
6. I am the master of my life.
7. Everything works out for me. I'm lucky. I attract love, happiness and success.
8. I can take care of myself.
9. I am confident in the future.
10. Nothing can limit me in my actions and actions.

Lifehack. When you select a block of affirmations for yourself, write them down on a piece of paper with your left hand if you are right-handed, and vice versa. This activates the work of both hemispheres of the brain, and the effect of phrases on the subconscious will begin from this moment.

If you carry out auto-training correctly, you can literally increase your self-esteem in a month and love yourself even in the most advanced cases without the involvement of hypnosis and psychotherapy. This is an effective technique that is available to absolutely everyone at home.

Lifehack. Print or write affirmations on bright sheets of paper with inspiring pictures and hang them in different places in your apartment where you visit most often. When your gaze rests on them, mentally pronounce the phrase, convince yourself that you have read it, and do it all with a smile.

For auto-training, the correct formulation of affirmations is of great importance. For people with low self-esteem, they often become traps that, instead of treatment, drive them into an even greater dead end.

This happened to one of the writers. When she was young, her books sold well, but after the crisis of the 90s, publishers stopped taking her creations into circulation. She fell into depression, during which she convinced herself that it was not the economic situation in the country that was to blame for her lack of recognition, but a lack of talent. She stopped doing what she loved and sat at the checkout counter at a grocery store. Nervous work with capricious customers, undervaluation from her superiors, low salary - all this led to her self-esteem falling even more.

At some point, she realized the need to change something in her life and began doing auto training on her own, resumed work on a book, and left the hated position of a cashier. A month later, a tragedy occurred: all the publishing houses she applied to refused to publish her new work. The result is cut veins. Although everything worked out, thanks to the doctors who arrived on time.

Psychologists and psychotherapists began working with the writer. They couldn’t understand why auto-training, designed to increase her self-esteem, led to disastrous results until they looked at the list of facts, “My books are being sold like hot cakes by publishers,” and stuff like that. She convinced herself of what she had not yet achieved. And when these beliefs collapsed in real life, her subconscious could not cope with it.