The topic of conflicts is quite confusing and is closely related to the topic of expectations and so-called introjects - imposed attitudes that sound like “should”, “should”, “can” or “I have no right”. We decided to find out what types of conflicts exist, why they arise and how to behave in such situations. Psychologist-consultant Daria Volkova helped us deal with this issue.
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What is conflict
The conflict itself reflects the inconsistency of the interests of two or more people: it is a difference of opinions that cannot be satisfied at the same time. When talking about interpersonal conflicts, we are often dealing with a clash between two egos, two universes with their own needs for recognition, and social attitudes. There is no generally accepted theory of conflicts that could unambiguously explain the nature of their occurrence. But many authors from the field of psychology often divide conflicts into several types.
Intrapersonal
Intrapersonal conflicts, as a rule, reflect a clash between different personal needs, motives, feelings, and values. This can be a role conflict when a person's different roles make conflicting demands on him. For example, being a good family man, a person should spend his evenings at home, as his role dictates, but his position as a manager may oblige him to stay late at work. A conflict arises when one role cannot be realized because another is being realized at the same time. How to resolve intrapersonal conflicts? Through reassessment of values, through greater awareness, through the desire for balance - to find time for both work and family.
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Interpersonal
The other most common type of conflict is interpersonal conflict. This type is not necessarily associated with the dissimilarity of the opponents’ characters. Quite often, the basis of such conflicts is the struggle for limited resources. Everyone believes that they are the ones who need the resources. It is important to remember that such a struggle for resources is not always objective.
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Between the individual and the group
A conflict between an individual and a group arises when the group establishes certain standards of behavior, and one of the participants breaks out and does not comply with them. It is such a deviation from accepted norms that leads to conflict between the individual and the group.
Intergroup
The clash of several groups with different interests leads to intergroup conflict, where the dispute is conducted at the level of interests of the whole group, the position of the team is defended, and not of each person individually.
Suppression
Suppression is used mainly if the subject of the conflict is not clear or if it has entered a destructive phase, i.e. has become a direct threat to the participants; and also when it is impossible to enter into an open conflict for any reason or when there is a risk of “falling face down in the mud”, losing authority, etc.
Basic human actions with the “Suppression” strategy
- Targeted and consistent reduction in the number of opponents
- Development and application of a system of norms and rules that can streamline relations between opponents
- Creating and maintaining conditions that prevent or complicate conflict interaction between the parties
Pros and cons of the Suppression strategy
Effective suppression of conflict is possible if the essence of the conflict is not clear enough, because this will nullify the mutual attacks of opponents and protect them from senseless waste of their energy. Suppression can also be effective when continued conflict would cause serious harm to both sides. But when resorting to suppression, it is important to correctly calculate your strength, otherwise the situation may worsen and turn against you (if your opponent turns out to be stronger or has more resources). The issue of suppression should be approached by thinking through all the details.
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Behavior in a conflict situation
Our behavior in personal relationships also varies depending on who we are in contact with: for example, the model of behavior in the family circle and in the work team will be different. The question arises, how many roles can one person simultaneously perform?
Not everyone is capable of engaging in self-observation and analyzing their actions, the feelings they experience, and predicting the reactions of those around them. However, there are those who constantly think about the consequences and predict possible reactions. And so the second type more often chooses a model of behavior that it considers more acceptable to others, that is, it adapts to them.
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Strategies for exiting a conflict situation
It’s normal to adjust your behavior depending on the situation and the people around you. When we come into contact with each other, we encounter personal boundaries. And conflict situations actually allow these boundaries to move and expand the sphere of influence. The opponent can cede part of his territory depending on how much subjective significance the person to whom he is conceding has for him.
On the other hand, everything that concerns restraint and compliance is not always explained by any correct reason. Therefore, it is better to find out for yourself what lies at the basis of your behavior: is it compliance out of a desire not to become an outcast, compliance out of a desire to be liked, to drown out your inner voice so as not to stand out, to give in in order to win in the future, or is there some other motive? Being able to analyze yourself in contact with other people and your manifestations is fascinating work, which in many ways allows you to transfer conflicts into the field of conscious perception.
Tactics
Each strategy corresponds to a specific set of tactics.
Rivalry:
- strict control over the actions and sources of information of the other party;
- systematic pressure (physical, psychological, moral);
- deception, flattery, manipulation, cunning, “set-ups”, provocations;
- refusal to make contact, to discuss anything (the person adheres to the position “I have my opinion and it’s wrong - there’s nothing to discuss”).
Evasion:
- demonstrative avoidance of discussion (“I was offended”, “don’t touch me”);
- refusal to use physical force;
- ignorance and mistrust, refusal to collect information and analyze facts;
- shifting responsibility;
- delaying decision making;
- denial of the conflict.
Compromise:
- bargaining and discussion of problems, active negotiations;
- deception and flattery (needed to convince an opponent that he has certain qualities).
There is an attitude towards equal sharing of benefits.
Device:
- agreement in everything, constant concessions;
- demonstrative reluctance to enter into confrontation;
- flattery, servility, indulgence.
Cooperation:
- collecting information about the opponent, problem, conflict;
- analysis of your resources and the capabilities of your opponent;
- selection and presentation of alternative solutions;
- open discussion identifying specific problems;
- listening and accepting the opponent’s position.
Behavior strategies in conflict situations
To analyze behavior strategies and types of conflicts, let’s consider the series “Unprincipled” about the life and morals of Moscow residents. This series was released in October and was based on the stories of the writer Alexander Tsypkin.
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The main narrator of the series, played by Pavel Derevyanko, is an incorrigible rogue who often faces conflict situations due to lies. On the one hand, a lie for him is a way of communication that allows him to gently avoid sharp corners in his relationship with his wife and maintain his status as a family man, despite an endless string of affairs. On the other hand, it gives it lightness and charm, which make it attractive to the fairer sex. At the same time, the hero does not suffer from internal conflict, but we see a picture of an external conflict with others: when he has to surrender his territory to his opponent. In order to restore relations with your wife and lull vigilance, give unexpected and expensive gifts; in the case of inheritance, agree to a deal that is unfavorable for oneself.
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Slavik’s closest friend, Kostya, played by Maxim Vitorgan, is an example of a different model of behavior in conflict situations. In the family he adapts to his wife, at work he acts as a leader. And in his case, the role of henpecked is a conscious choice, which allows him to delegate household chores to his wife, and in the meantime, at work, build a career and reach new heights.
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Another hero worth paying attention to is Roman, played by Yuri Kolokolnikov. He appears in a very common image: wealthy, lonely and in an eternal search for “the one,” which is what his new employee, Vera, seems to him at some point. And it clearly expresses the internal conflict between the search for adventure and the desire to find some kind of constant comfort.
All these stories give us a valuable conclusion: each of us performs many social roles throughout our lives, therefore masks and costumes must be changed in accordance with the scenery.
How to behave in conflict situations
Here are a few rules to remember when interacting with other people, including in conflicts.
Adaptation rules
We all strive to adapt because humans are social creatures. We are forced to pay attention to the rules and values that exist in each social group. A similar situation happens to us when we meet a new person: we are forced to adapt to each other if we want to maintain and develop contact.
More naturalness
Our environment always influences us. Both adaptation and attunement to the environment affect us as individuals, so the issue of choosing an environment requires attention. How is interaction with the environment structured: do you have to force yourself to play or not? As a rule, we are able to build the strongest and most natural relationships with those with whom we behave most naturally. The more pretense and deception, the higher the likelihood of not reaching an agreement in the event of a conflict.
Conscious choice of environment
Balance between taking and giving. An equally important question is how much your surroundings inspire or devastate you. We all strive to be in a certain environment or in several environments: for interests, for work, for self-realization, for spiritual growth. Some of them will inspire, develop, stimulate, promote and motivate us. Others - to devastate. Task: to minimize contact with the devastating environment. A conscious choice will give us the opportunity to create an environment around ourselves that will help us grow and develop.
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Facing conflict head on
It is normal to adjust and adapt to your environment. Conflict too. The only question is, how much do we maintain contact with ourselves at this moment? Conflicts in business and in everyday life are given to us in order to reach a different level of relationships. Through clarification of values, through compromise, through bargaining. And if you can’t reach another level right away, you can take a break and come back later. You shouldn’t ignore conflicts. The idea of conflict that arises by itself is a marker that some situation requires clarification. And containment here will not give anything except the opportunity to delay only for a while what will definitely come to the surface at the most inopportune moment.
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Device
Adaptation as a way of behavior in a conflict is characterized by the fact that the subject is ready to put his needs, desires and interests into the background and make concessions to the opponent in order to prevent confrontation. This strategy is often chosen by people with low self-esteem, insecure and who believe that their position and opinion should not be taken into account.
Basic human actions with the “Adaptation” strategy
- Constant agreement with the opponent’s demands to please him
- Active demonstration of a passive position
- No claim to victory and resistance
- Flattery, pandering to the opponent
Pros and cons of the Accommodation strategy
In the event that the subject of the conflict is not particularly important, and the main thing is to maintain constructive interaction, allowing the person to gain the upper hand, thereby asserting himself, can be the most effective way to resolve the conflict. However, if the cause of the conflict is something significant, something that affects the feelings of all people involved in the conflict, then such a strategy will not bring the desired result. In this case, the result will be only negative emotions of the one who made concessions, and all trust, mutual understanding and respect between the participants may completely disappear.
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