Unfortunately, the reality turns out to be not as rosy as in dreams: many specialists, especially young and inexperienced ones, are faced with outright rudeness from the boss in the very first days of their work. Most often, strictness and exactingness turn into unreasonable nagging and quarrels.
Reasoned criticism is good, it helps you develop and work on mistakes. But what if the boss constantly finds fault for no reason? Let's look at the problem in more detail.
What's your boss like?
When analyzing the question “why does the boss find fault with me?”, it is better to start with an analysis of his character. This can come up with the right strategy.
- Hysterical. Frequent outbursts of anger, dissatisfaction with subordinates. He is not endowed with high intelligence. I am ready to accuse anyone without admitting my guilt. He often appropriates the fruits of someone else's work and does not consider this shameful. It is difficult to establish a constructive dialogue with him, and his arguments and accusations are unjustified and not supported by facts.
- Perfectionist. Management's desire to organize work at a high level deserves praise and approval. But sometimes it becomes extreme. Everyone makes mistakes. But not for the perfectionist. We are not talking about any kind of democracy. He keeps everything under control and scolds his subordinates for minor mistakes in their work. "Best the enemy of the good". Such a boss is used to keeping everything under control and refuses to delegate, even when necessary. Does not allow managers under his command to make independent decisions.
- Petty tyrant. Inappropriate behavior is a consequence of more serious personal problems. Lack of self-confidence, the desire to prove importance and significance by belittling others, excessive confidence and selfishness. He finds fault with every reason, belittles his subordinates, is dissatisfied with the work performed, and does not miss the opportunity to extol himself. If the boss is a tyrant, it is absolutely not clear how to behave. You don't want to lose your job, but you can't stand it. You should not allow your dignity and honor to be humiliated. If the situation has gone too far, do not be afraid to contact the labor inspectorate or court.
- Schemer. Dangerous and insidious guy. You can expect any trick from him. He craves power. All methods are good for him in achieving his goal. If he is guilty or has made a mistake, he will try by all means to “throw off” this unpleasant burden.
It's not that easy to get fired
One might even say it is very difficult. In any case, it is not as simple as it seems to your superiors. No one has filed a lawsuit for reinstatement at work, and in court the burden of proving that you were fired legally falls entirely on the employer.
It is the employer who must prove to the court the legality of your dismissal, and then the court will get to the bottom of everything, and the employer will have to explain why all the big shots in the organization fell on one employee.
There is a whole stack of disciplinary orders against one employee, and the rest, it turns out that, white and fluffy, is everyone else really crystal clear? And what is this act of absence from work for 10 minutes, who signed it, why not in the form approved by the Ministry of Labor, where is the explanatory note, where the requirements for giving explanations are described, how it is confirmed that it was handed over, and so on.
In general, if the court reinstates the employee, the employer finds himself in an unenviable position, especially if he has already hired someone for this job.
The real reason for the dissatisfaction
The average employee prefers not to enter into open conflict. This is what nagging bosses take advantage of. Many people quit without ever trying to correct the situation.
It is important
Assess the conflict from the outside. If there are unfounded accusations, open anger and other “delights” of unprofessional labor relations, it’s time to act.
Ask your boss for a confidential conversation. Finding out the reasons in a calm environment can solve a problematic situation.
You will need to prepare for this meeting. Make a rough plan for the conversation. Think about what your boss might ask or answer. Go into the conversation in a calm frame of mind. You should not have the goal of pointing out to the manager his incompetence or accusing him of personal vices. Find out the real reason for the dissatisfaction.
Start by describing the situation. There is no need for long, plaintive stories about difficult working days. A few striking facts or situations (that took place) will say much more. Here is an example of such a conversation.
- Good afternoon. I want to talk about the current situation. I have been working at company N for several years now. I see prospects for my own growth, and I really like working in a team where there is mutual help and understanding. But a certain misunderstanding has arisen in our working relationship. (List several facts that most clearly demonstrate this).
– What kind of misunderstanding are you talking about? You are disgusting at your work responsibilities...
Here it is necessary to interrupt and ask to explain what the boss means. Remember to remain calm and respectful. If you were wrong, don't be afraid to admit it. Shifting the blame to others and being in complete denial will only anger your boss even more.
As a result of the conversation, you should find out the reasons that prevent you from “living together” and propose solutions. This conversation is not easy, but it is necessary to have it.
If a compromise is not found, then you should seriously think about changing jobs. There is another option - contact higher management or special authorities. But this is unlikely to bring the long-awaited calm and relief of tension.
In other cases, the boss will seriously think about the following points:
- you are not a helpless and cowardly employee, but a person capable of defending your interests;
- he may lose a valuable employee due to the fact that he clearly “goes too far”;
- his accusations were unfounded for a number of reasons that he did not know before (the information was presented incorrectly or did not exist at all).
All types of bosses
Some people are born with the quality of a leader, while others have to learn this quality for many years. A competent leader must be confident, sociable, organized and stress-resistant.
If the work structure is collapsing and clashes regularly occur in the team, it is worth thinking about the professionalism of the boss. There may be a good prospect of taking his place.
Inept bosses not only stop the company's progress, but also destroy relationships within the team.
Below are all types of leaders:
- Creepy
- a middle-level manager whose mood depends on his superiors. Today he can praise an employee, and tomorrow he can insult him in front of the whole team.
- Dictator
— hardly anyone likes his authoritarian regime. He doesn’t want to hear criticism and suggestions, everything should be as he says. Often this type of boss cannot be pleased; he will always find something to complain about.
- slob
- does not know how to monitor the team and organize business meetings, events, monitor the progress of work, forgets about the deadlines for receiving a salary, etc. As a result, he lashes out at his employees and blames them for everything.
- Sadist
- uses his knowledge for negative purposes. He uses all the weaknesses of his subordinate to insult and humiliate him in public. Thus, he instills feelings of fear in others as well.
- Artist
- does not have leadership competence, so plays the role of a specialist. If he needs to show his power, he will begin to insult employees.
- Coward
- is afraid of any competition, therefore he deliberately destroys competitors by humiliating them.
- Father-mentor, mother-director
— professionally copes with the responsibilities of a leader, but can periodically lash out at his subordinates. The mood is restored quickly, so such behavior does not cause serious damage.
To choose the right answer to your boss, you need to determine its type and analyze the situation.
Personal enmity - what is the reason?
What to do if your boss bullies and humiliates your honor and dignity? It doesn't matter what the reason for this behavior is. This is unacceptable. But do not go into open conflict, do everything delicately, observing the limits of decency.
Advice
If you start insulting, getting personal and blaming your boss, what will you say better than him?
The main reasons (and more often reasons) for nagging in the presence of personal hostility from superiors are the following situations.
- Failure to comply with the dress code. The attention of the authorities is focused on you, do not be surprised by this situation. The boss's claims are often unfounded (unless you suddenly decide to surprise everyone with a chic neckline). Do not give a reason to reproach you for inconsistency. You can publicly measure the length of your skirt or read out the dress code rules. If this is an isolated incident, turn it into a joke and say that this will not happen again.
- Lack of subordination. Learn to restrain yourself even in the most unpleasant situations. The boss deliberately challenges you to conflict. You must respond with dignity to all attacks directed at you. If you were reproached for insubordination, but this was not the case, reasoned and calmly explain the necessity and correctness of your chosen tactics.
- Frequently arriving late and leaving early. Remember the clauses of the employment contract. You get paid for the hours you work. Don't allow yourself to be treated this way. Here the boss has every right to apply penalties or reprimand.
- Scandalous gossip. They can come from anyone, but the bosses will sincerely believe in them. The boss has neither the time nor the desire to figure out their veracity on his own. So find a convenient time and explain that this is a lie. There are no guarantees that they will believe you, but you should definitely try. You shouldn’t wait for your boss to call you to such a conversation; work proactively.
- Reluctance to help the organization. Quite an abstract accusation. Don't be afraid to get specific and find out what you're doing wrong. Remind them to perform their job duties responsibly. Often such claims come from perfectionists, therefore, adequacy tends to zero.
All about protection
Constant quarrels have a negative impact on the work of the entire staff: you must admit, it’s not very pleasant to work when everyone around you is frozen in anticipation of the next scandal. How to proceed:
- The first thing to do is to isolate yourself from problems as much as possible . Solve problems gradually: when the boss starts arguing with you, then get involved.
- Don't forget what responsibilities are stated in your agreement. Try to do what you need to do, and then your conscience will be clear. Don't complicate your life in hopes of pleasing the director. If your boss is always criticizing you for no reason, he won't stop.
- Don't react too emotionally: this pleases the boss and some employees too. Think of nagging as an unpleasant fly - yes, it interferes, but it does not ruin your plans at all.
If your boss calls you into his office for a private conversation, act confident and calm. Don't yell, don't make a scandal.
Speak as usual and always use arguments when arguing with your boss. Never do this in public.
ATTENTION! There are times when being aggressive actually helps. It is enough to explain to the director once normally that you do not want to tolerate his arbitrariness, and the attitude changes before your eyes. The main thing is not to overdo it - you don’t want to get a reputation as a brawler.
An employee may, independently or with the help of a lawyer, defend his rights by any legal means, including:
- apply to the TI;
- file a claim in court.
Appeal to such bodies is justified if the interests of the employee are not taken into account or discrimination occurs on any basis.
Sexism in the workplace
How to behave if your boss finds fault with you and humiliates you just because you are a woman and he is a man? This phenomenon has a clear definition - sexism.
He may manifest himself in inappropriate jokes and remarks on the part of a male boss or a reluctance to promote you in your career and “bestow” you with well-deserved bonuses and privileges. It is possible to fight the phenomenon.
It is enough to collect facts and evidence (record it on a tape recorder) and write a report to higher management if it was not possible to reach an agreement at the local level.
In case of refusal of a well-deserved promotion, provide a comparative analysis of your merits and those who already occupy similar positions.
Another manifestation of sexism is overt sexual advances. It is necessary to stop them. State in a calm, laconic manner that you do not want such a relationship. That's not what you're here for. Remember your rights and don't let yourself be intimidated. If you cannot resolve the conflict peacefully, collect evidence and go to court with accusations of sexual harassment.
Is it necessary to respond to rudeness?
A common situation at a corporate meeting. You hear the phrase addressed to you: “You’re an idiot, you don’t understand anything about this, you’re nothing at all. How could you even say/do/think that!” Do you need to answer this, given that you are in a corporate field where your colleagues and perhaps even your superiors are present?
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There are several possible answers.
- Calmly remain silent with awareness of your strength
Let's remember the Japanese parable. One day, an old teacher and sword master was sitting and drinking tea, while his student was doing housework nearby. And suddenly a samurai burst into the house, who wanted to challenge the sword master to a duel, insulting him, but not attacking him first - in Japan there were quite strict rules prohibiting raising a sword against an equal if there was no formal reason for the fight. The samurai continued to say unpleasant words, and the sword master continued to drink tea. When the samurai exhausted his supply of curses and left, because there was no reason to draw his sword, the shocked student asked the teacher why he remained silent? To which the master replied: “Tell me, if a person comes to you and brings you a gift that you don’t need, and you don’t take it, who will have the gift?” The student answered: “To the one who gave.”
What is important in this rule is how you remain silent. Silence with an awareness of confidence and strength “sounds” and is perceived differently than silence resulting from weakness. Imagine that a small dog “no bigger than a thimble” runs up to you and starts barking at foot level. You probably won't pay attention to it and it won't affect your self-esteem.
But if you remain silent from the position of the weak, then you admit that the boor insulting you is your equal or older, because he has the right to insult you.
- Say the word "stop"
We all forget the beautiful phrase: “Stop talking to me like that” and its more polite version: “I ask you in front of everyone to stop talking to me in such a disrespectful tone.”
Boors attack only when they consider the battle to be won in advance
The problem with human relationships is that we are brought up more on movies than on standard life situations. Someone made an offensive comment, the hero gets up and delivers a spectacular blow from the side, the defeated offender falls, drops of blood scatter across the white walls, and the women freeze in delight. The most effective methods of struggle, oddly enough, are the simplest. You don’t need to learn humor, you don’t need to know martial arts, or have a black belt. Simply saying, “Stop it” is enough. As practice shows, the enemy fades away - any boors attack only when they consider the battle to be won in advance. If they continue to be rude to you, then you can put an end to it and finally finish off the offender: “I’m very sorry that you showed everyone that you are a *** (an extremely ill-mannered person).” That's it, the end of the game, because the person was asked politely in front of witnesses, and he turned out to be a rude person.
- Ask for help
The first thing you can do is ask for help. Come to your manager and ask him to stop the rudeness towards you, because he is your manager. We constantly decide for others and don’t ask for anything. But we forget that a person (in this case, your boss) will be pleased to show his strength and generosity, and this must be used to stop the corporate boor.
In addition, no one is obliged to think for you, to “read” your feelings and reactions. Your boss may not even notice that the situation is out of control, or may believe that this is the norm for you. Until a request for help is made, the problem remains in the realm of guesswork.
Third, testing your environment for crisis behavior is something any reasonable person should do in the background. If you are denied the help you need, this is a reason to think about whether you need such a boss and such a job. You can compare testing the environment to walking along a path through a swamp: if the stick with which you are testing the ground for the next step goes under water, it is clear that you should not step there. Likewise in the corporate world, you gain knowledge of who you can approach and with what questions. Knowing who you can rely on and who you can't is worth gold.
How to stop insults
Often bosses go too far, allowing themselves to shout, humiliate and insult subordinates. This cannot be tolerated. Many people make the mistake of responding in the same tone and getting personal.
When you hear an insult addressed to you, calmly and calmly ask your boss what caused the negativity. Remind him of the administrative responsibility for humiliation and rudeness. No one is allowed to break the law, no matter what the reasons behind it.
The position of a superior gives him the right to assign responsibilities and demand their fulfillment. But he is not a slave owner who is allowed to do whatever he wants.
You should not forgive even a single humiliation. This can become a habit and will be repeated with enviable regularity.
Responsibility for harassment at work
We answered the question of what to do if a manager insults and humiliates, now let’s move on to responsibility. If a boss yells at a subordinate or insults him in an indecent manner, he faces a fine of up to 30 thousand rubles, and the organization - up to 100 thousand rubles. If insults were expressed in a public speech, the maximum fine for officials increases to 50 thousand rubles, and for legal entities - to 500 thousand rubles.
In addition, if a boss yells and insults at work, forcing him to quit, he may be held liable for failure to comply with labor laws. A primary violation faces a fine of up to 5 thousand rubles, a secondary violation - up to 20 thousand rubles. Disqualification is also provided. The manager may be suspended from office for up to three years.
Conversation in a raised voice
What to do if your boss bullies you at work, constantly raises your tone and doesn’t let you say a word? There is only one answer - do not ignore it. The position of a “humble lamb” will be very convenient for leadership. And the incidents will continue.
When trying to tame your boss, do not forget about self-control. Don't allow yourself to shout or raise your tone in response. Your speech should be calm, convincing and clear. No belittling, doubts or attempts at flirting in the voice. Explain that you will continue the dialogue only in a calm tone. The following methods will help reduce the heat:
- looking eye to eye;
- drinking a glass of water;
- an offer to sit down and discuss everything calmly.
The boss continues to shout, don’t humiliate yourself either, trying to calm him down. This is not your responsibility. Say that you do not intend to continue the conversation, but are happy to resume it in a businesslike manner. After that, you can safely turn around and leave.
Reasons for nitpicking over trifles
Do not forget that your employer is an ordinary person, he may dislike someone. Perhaps your manager simply associates you with an unpleasant moment in his life. In such a situation, a reasonable approach will help: sit down with him at the negotiating table and find out why he treats you this way .
Make it clear that you truly love your job and have no interest in leaving your position.
The main thing is to speak calmly and slowly, without raising your voice. Maybe after this discussion the director will change his anger to mercy.
Pay attention to your character and behavior. If an employer only picks on you, then you give him permission to do so. Perhaps the formed image worsens the situation.
ATTENTION! Do you regularly avoid problematic situations, remain silent when people say rude things to you? Do you blush when your manager raises his voice a little? Then, don't ask yourself why your boss chose you as a scapegoat.
Weak and insecure employees are immediately visible: they are easily intimidated and forced to do something that is not on their to-do list. And they never contradict, because inside they consider themselves worse than everyone else. Living with such a problem is quite difficult.
There are also tyrant and sadistic leaders who feel good when those around them are upset and cannot change anything. Having seized power, such citizens often abuse it. It is likely that the boss enjoys wearing you out with constant nagging with or without reason . It’s a pity, but it’s difficult to fight this character trait, but it’s still possible.
Intimidation by dismissal
If the boss says: “If you don’t like it, quit,” then this is a direct manifestation of psychological pressure.
It is important
That is, either you agree to the terms or look for a new job. Don't fall for this blackmail. Such actions are illegal.
The reasons why you may be fired are clearly stated in the labor code. And no one is allowed to exceed their authority. In this case, the management has no legal grounds for dismissal. Defending your rights is the task of every self-respecting employee. There are not many ways to counter it. You can contact the trade union or write a complaint to the labor inspectorate. Another option would be to draw up an additional agreement with a clearly stated amount of payment for the duties introduced.
The situation is more complicated in private organizations where labor relations are not properly formalized. But it’s worth trying to defend your rights in this case too.
Clings to a girl
A more advanced case is when a male leader finds fault with a woman. Let's look at it separately:
- Despite the fact that the feminist movement has existed for a long time, in Russia high positions are most often occupied by men. Sometimes nitpicking can be caused precisely by this point. The main reason why an employer may find fault with a lady is a feeling of weakness of the enemy.
- A boss may feel sympathy for his subordinate. Naturally, not every person can reciprocate: unrequited “love” is a common occurrence. But the insecure boss will get angry and begin to use his position to humiliate the lady and make her stay at work uncomfortable.
- If you are a real expert in your field, then it may well be that the boss feels like a prof. inferiority in your background. It's sad, but that's life: even small success can cause envy. But there is a reason to smile - you have really achieved something in your life!
Girls tend to remain silent and may not talk about conflicts: they are not always ready to fight if they see that their opponent is higher in terms of position. The reason is the inability to value oneself and problems in childhood.
Last resort
If all attempts to stop the unreasonable nagging of management have not brought results, then the question of dismissal arises. This is an extreme measure, and it is worth taking it thoughtfully and carefully. As they say, don’t cut from the shoulder. If you decide to leave your job, first look for a new one.
Send your resume to the vacancies that interest you, call (or better yet, visit) the HR departments of other companies. Don't be afraid to undergo multi-level testing and don't be intimidated by high requirements.
During the interview you will be asked the reason for your dismissal. Do not rush to tell the whole truth that your boss is a tyrant and you constantly argued with him. This will not work to your advantage, even if it is true. The new employer does not know you, and will be inclined to think that you are a conflicted person who tends to blame everyone but himself. This will be followed by a refusal. It’s better to talk with reason about the impossibility of career growth or lack of prospects.
Being nagged by your boss at work is an unpleasant, but quite common, phenomenon. Everyone has encountered it to one degree or another. You should not tolerate and take on the role of a victim. Save your nerves and do not forget about your self-esteem.
What to do if your boss is a tyrant?
Finding a common language
Tyrants differ from those who like to throw a tantrum in that they behave aggressively towards everyone around them. Any tyrant boss is confident in his superiority over people. Typically, tyrants are men who have managed to occupy the position of general director of a company or top manager. They firmly believe that everyone around them is idiots and that communicating with fools is worse than medieval torture.
When communicating with a tyrant, you must initially behave correctly. Make it clear that you are proud enough to not become a scapegoat. This task is difficult, but if you cope with it, you will not be afraid of nagging and attacks in the future.
You can put a tyrant on your back by instilling in yourself the idea that you are no worse than him (this is actually true). The second option is for people with a good imagination - imagine a boss with a trash can on his head, in a pink T-shirt and slippers with teddy bears. Such a funny person simply has no right to look down on you.
