My husband hates me: what to do, useful advice from a psychologist

Family problem

If people live together for some time, then it is not news that there is monotony in their lives. At first glance, everything is good and wonderful, but when you look more closely, you immediately notice that those feelings and that passion no longer exist. It’s as if they remained somewhere in a past life.

To prevent this from happening, it is necessary to periodically arrange some kind of “shake-up”. As a result, the relationship will be the same as before, and maybe even better.

In the same case, when neither spouse does anything, the feelings slowly disappear, and indifference comes in their place. But it should not be confused with hatred.

Please pay attention to any changes

If such a situation does happen in the family, then the woman perceives it much closer and more painfully. As soon as the wife notices some changes in her husband’s attitude, most often she continues to pretend that everything remains the same - she is desired and loved. And this can continue for some time. But the husband moves away more and more, and the wife simply closes her eyes and, deceiving herself, plays at the ideal marriage.

Under no circumstances should you do this. And all because after a certain period this game is no longer called a happy family, but a parody of it. And when there is complete inaction during this difficult period, the wife’s humility will not only not bring her husband’s feelings back, but, on the contrary, will alienate him even more.

If you don’t look at everything with rose-colored glasses, but pay attention to even minor changes in attitude, and at the same time analyze, then you can not only save your family, but also strengthen it. After all, when a spouse moves away, and his other half diligently tries not to notice this, it will not lead to anything good. At some point, it is safe to say that the husband hates his wife.

Wife problems

What is the wife's mistake? Instead of looking for the causes of stress, she focuses on the symptoms: irritability, fatigue and other unpleasant feelings. And she begins to blame her husband, who is unlikely to be the source of stress.

She begins to perceive her husband as her slave, as an employee. She cannot talk to him calmly and openly. She does not want to discuss with him possible changes in life that will allow her and him to rest more and regain strength.

Photo by priscilla du preez on Unsplash

She works her butt off, and when she feels that she has absolutely no strength left and there are still many unfulfilled tasks, she lashes out at her husband. It's mildly offensive and the wrong way to communicate. When she screams at her husband, she experiences release. But it hurts him, which can be bad for the relationship.

The wife in this situation needs to realize that the very fact of a ten-year marriage is not an excuse for such behavior on her part. The husband did not undertake to be her slave; he has a choice: leave or stay. He may decide to stop being her punching bag.

It is important for her to understand that there are no situations in which she is always right and her husband is always wrong. She needs to get to the bottom of it and understand what drives her into a state of frenzy. And change these circumstances, and not throw out your dissatisfaction on the person who is trying to support her.

Factors

There are several factors that give signals that there is a crack in the relationship.

If at the beginning of their life together the spouses did everything together, the husband always listened to the opinion of his wife, then he begins to make decisions and eliminate problems, not only without consulting, but without even sharing this with her. This is the first sign that her opinion does not matter to him.

A woman should pay attention to whose interests come first for her husband. If it is him, then over time she will understand that she will no longer have the reliability and support that she had at the beginning of the relationship.

If nagging and reproaches begin, followed by irritation and indignation, then this is a sign that something needs to be changed, otherwise hatred may soon appear in your relationship.

If a husband does not respect his wife, but does not speak directly, but simply constantly criticizes her both as a woman, and as a mother, and as a housewife, you should also pay attention to this.

Particular importance can be attached to such a situation when spouses, being together, do not have common topics for conversation. And there’s nothing to say about laughing heartily at the simplest joke.

There is no need to ignore those moments when a husband does not want to just touch his wife. If this factor is ignored at the beginning, then after a while, when the spouse shows the slightest affection, she will receive nothing other than hostility and irritation in response.

It also doesn’t hurt to wonder why my loved one isn’t in a hurry to go home? It seems that everything was done for his convenience, but he would still rather meet with friends after work than come earlier.

The change in the husband's relationship with his wife is clearly noticeable when he begins to protect his personal space. At first, the woman turns a blind eye to this, always finding some kind of excuse, but rarely does anyone think about how it could all end.

The lack of sex, despite plausible excuses, must first push the woman to change something, otherwise the result can be disastrous.

You can often hear from a woman’s mouth: “My husband hates me and insults me, without thinking about how offended I am.” But few people think that perhaps she, through her actions, provokes a man to such an attitude.

What to do

Family psychotherapy helps to cope with problems in couples

First of all, it is necessary to understand what exactly causes the feeling of hatred. Perhaps the reason is not the spouse at all. You need to imagine what would happen if the woman who now lives nearby were not in your life. Would you feel the same as you do now, or would something change?
Don't rush into filing for divorce. Perhaps everything can be fixed, we just need to figure out the reason for the hatred that has arisen. It is especially necessary to think about saving the family if you have children together and the cause of hatred can be solved.
If you are familiar with the phrase: “I hate my ex-wife,” then you no longer live under the same roof, and you still harbor a grudge against your spouse, then you need to let go of the situation, understand that you need to move on with your life, forgive if the woman in front of you is guilty of something guilty, let go of negative thoughts. After all, by doing this you are harming yourself first and foremost.
If the hatred is due, for example, to the reluctance of the wife to allow him to see the children, then you need to find a way out of this situation, if necessary, contact a lawyer, but it is better to have a heart-to-heart talk with your wife, without showing anger, and amicably agree on a solution to this issue. Most likely, when the conflict is resolved, the feeling of hatred will disappear.
If hatred is caused by your spouse’s betrayal, then you need to either forgive her and get over this betrayal, or, if you realize that you will never be able to come to terms with what happened, it is better to break up.
If you are annoyed by a woman’s behavior, which is manifested by excessive guardianship, jealousy, throwing tantrums, constant scandals, then you can try to talk to her, explaining how you feel and how difficult it is for you to put up with her behavior like that. Or, if this is not your option, you need to go to an appointment with a family psychotherapist, who will help more smoothly explain to the woman that her behavior is unacceptable.
If hatred is caused by childhood psychological trauma, then you should contact a psychologist who will find the reason in your childhood and teach you how to live it so that the events of childhood do not affect your life today.
If the woman who lives next to you feels disrespected and unsupportive, she may simply not love you. In such a situation, you need to think about whether it is worth maintaining such a relationship.
If the reason for hatred lies in problems in your intimate life, then it is best to talk about it with your soulmate, talk about what you feel, what does not suit you, perhaps your spouse does not even know about it.
If you married not for love, but because of certain circumstances, and during all this time the feeling of love for the woman did not awaken, but on the contrary, anger and hatred appeared, then it is better to end such a union.
If a woman behaves inappropriately, abuses alcohol, drugs, or hits children, then she must be taken to see a psychotherapist, and, if necessary, a narcologist, because a man is unlikely to be able to change anything on his own. But you shouldn’t leave such a sick woman to the mercy of fate, leave her without help. Even if you hate her at the moment, you probably loved this woman before.
If you hate your spouse because she is more successful than you, then you need to work on your self-esteem. Anyone can achieve a lot, you need to believe in yourself. You can also work with a psychotherapist who can guide you on the right path, change your behavior pattern and internal attitudes.
If you hate your spouse because another woman has appeared in your life, and you are convinced that the feeling that has arisen for her is real and you are ready to live your whole life with her, then you should honestly talk about everything with your wife and part ways. -good.
If you feel dislike for your spouse because after a certain period, she has changed a lot and is no longer attracted to you, then you definitely need to discuss this with her. After all, she may not even know what is going on in your soul. You need to tell her that you would like to see her slimmer and more well-groomed. But you need to speak carefully so as not to hurt her pride or offend her. You can also start playing sports or going to the gym with your spouse. Physical activity will not hurt anyone, and a woman will not be so scared and in pain that you, for example, send her to lose weight.

Now you know, if a husband hates his wife, what could have preceded it. It is important to understand that hatred is not born out of nowhere; in any case, something provokes it. It is not always, in fact, aimed at the partner. Therefore, you should not get excited and rush to think about divorce, because it is possible that this will not solve your problems.

Problem with ex-spouse

Even if a marriage breaks up, in many cases men are left with not just an unpleasant aftertaste, but disgust. When a representative of the fair sex says: “My ex-husband hates me, and I don’t understand why, what did I do?”

There are many explanations in such situations. After all, every family and relationship is individual.

You can consider this option when at first there is complete harmony and mutual understanding in the family, but some time passes and the wife, without feeling guilty and believing that she is right, is constantly dissatisfied with something, expresses not very pleasant things or commits unforgivable acts . The husband takes it all calmly and without scandals, trying to find a logical justification for everything. But it can't be like this for long. Inside, this negativity accumulates and accumulates, and in the end, he looks at his wife not with that loving and adoring gaze, but full of hatred.

And even after the divorce, the wife believes that she is the innocent “victim” who tried so hard. But as a result, only streams of hatred come from the ex-husband.

Requests for help Write your story My husband hates me, no matter what I say, no matter what I do, he yells at me and accuses me of everything. I apologize for something for which it’s not my fault, but this also irritates him, “Shut up your shit, I can’t wipe myself off after you, schmuck scandalous” - this is the most tender thing I hear from him! She drives me to the point of hysterics and then accuses me of being a brawler and a hysterical woman, and of ruining his life. I can’t leave, I have a small child and I have nowhere to go. I want to commit suicide. I'm bad, I hate myself

dura, age: 28/07/20/2012

Responses:

leave this one and leave or go to your mother. God gave the child and will give for the child. when you finish you will get nothing but hell. prayer with faith can do anything. Believe and everything will work out

Denis, age: 32 / 07/20/2012

Why don't you love yourself so much?! Whatever it is, know: YOU DESERVE HAPPINESS!!! Do not allow yourself to be humiliated and offended. Especially a baby. Protect him. Contact the helpline. Look for a way out!!! You don't have to endure it! Search. It will be difficult, but we can’t continue like this. And if you survive all the difficulties, if you don’t do something stupid and end your life so stupidly, because of some kind of bastard, then God will reward you. You are young!!! There are many happy years ahead, but only if you want to help yourself now!!! God is with you, HE WILL NOT LEAVE YOU!!!

Alexandra, age: 42 / 07/20/2012

no one is waiting for me at home, I told my mother about family life, she said, solve your problems yourself, you’re a big girl now! And it’s become simply impossible to live with my husband under the same roof, he calls me names, is always rude, and at the same time says that it’s my fault, I'm rubbish, I get on his nerves, if I cry he takes it as an attempt to make a scandal with him, he gets mad, if I answer in the same way he does some nasty things to me, I tried not to react to provocations, he said that I was making a fool of him and got mad again, they were talking about divorce he said that he would sue my child and put me in a psychiatric hospital, like there are connections in different circles, after the last quarrel I went to the balcony and wanted to jump from the 7th floor, my husband grinned and said why didn’t you jump, it would have been easier for all of us, but I’m suddenly afraid I’ll remain alive, I’ll just break everything and remain disabled, then he definitely won’t need me, if I’m healthy I cause such fierce hatred with just my appearance, I’m quite slender and pretty, and he looks at me and says why you have such a gloomy face and would have hit you like that! and we live, I endure in silence, I always apologize for everything, but for some reason I cause waves of rage; I want to die!

dura, age: 28/07/20/2012

Read this https://www.pobedish.ru/main/ikill?id=133 and don’t step on the same rake. Run away from your husband, or even to a monastery.

Gulya, age: 35 / 07/20/2012

Nickname is terrible! A girl shouldn't sign like that! Don’t pay attention to your husband, don’t you dare humiliate yourself and apologize for anything... you have a small child, you don’t have enough to take care of your husband! Believe and pray constantly, you have only one hope in God, and He will help, be sure! Know your business, raise your baby and don’t think about anything else, God willing! Just communicate less with him, always respond to rudeness, only so that he doesn’t want to continue! God help you!

Vadim, age: 55 / 07/20/2012

Do you really think you’re a fool, if so then your husband’s attitude towards you is very understandable. You can’t live like that, run to your mother, do you really want to make the child an orphan, he won’t thank you. Either there is something in your life for me, or leave him. This is all, otherwise he will either kill me, or he will simply wipe his feet.

Olga, age: 51 / 07/20/2012

you shouldn’t be doing this... it’s not your fault that a person behaves with you like I don’t know with anyone... the reason for such aggression is interesting... one piece of advice = run away from him. Do you think it would be better for a child to grow up and hear such things about his mother, and don’t let God himself...and if it goes further and hands are used??? I’m sure that at 28 years old you will meet more than one man worthy of you and your child! The main thing is to decide on this step - leave him! and remember, nothing happens right away, but I think everything will be back to normal for you!

who, age: 18 / 20.07.2012

Honey, good! I understand how bad you feel! It’s bad for a child to grow up in such hatred. And yet, think about it! Why are you ready to take your own life, deprive your baby of mother’s love, but are not ready to leave your husband, or even to nowhere? After all, there are probably some relatives, friends or just kind people who will provide shelter at least temporarily, there are live-in jobs, there are funds to support young mothers who find themselves in difficult life situations, charitable organizations... Yes, it’s difficult and scary to decide. But is this really worse than death? Is it really better for a child to remain an orphan than to live in poverty with his beloved mother?! And in a couple of years, maybe everything will be fine, who knows? Run quickly, you will gradually arrange your life. While your husband is around, accept his hatred as a fact, don’t look for reasons. They lie in his embittered heart. Someone else's soul is darkness... Don't take insults personally: well, you're a sick man, what are you going to do?! Spiritually weakened... Try not to provoke screams, but if it doesn’t work out, don’t make excuses, don’t prove anything, don’t answer, no matter what the cost. Disconnect. Well, it seems like noise from a train station or factory. Don't believe a single word! Anger is never true. Only a loving person sees the truth. And this is not about you. This is pouring from his heart, he is talking about himself, how bad everything is inside him... You have nothing to do with it at all!!!

Elena Ordinary, age: 35 / 07/20/2012

Everything will work out. But you can’t tolerate it not only because of you, but because of the child. It gets worse. Gather your strength, your thoughts and leave. To relatives, to friends, just to acquaintances. Not all people are callous. Believe and they will help you. Don't blame yourself. There is no point in wasting energy on self-flagellation now. They will be useful to you. Good luck to you.

Natalya, age: 23/07/20/2012

Hello! your story is pretty typical. Please understand, my dear, beautiful girl and mother of the most beautiful angel - you are a woman! and the only bad thing is that you are still with a man who is a porno, feces, feels it and takes it out on you. You can always leave and you will be a hundred times better off without him, you and the child. decide if you want to leave? in reality and what is holding you back? or maybe you don’t want to and are already used to him mixing you up with dirt. Understand, dear, he is a loser, he will never rise above insulting and humiliating a woman, and you must live, because your happiness is still ahead. his life will not change after your death. he will find himself another weak girl by mocking whom he can assert himself. and you, my dear, must live, at least for the sake of your child. the fact that he instilled in you the idea that you are bad and good for nothing is all complete nonsense. and you know, I believe in you. get away from him! you can! With him you will definitely be lost! happiness to you and the baby!

Little Red Riding Hood, age: 19/21/07/2012

Hello, what city are you from? If the two of you are suffering from this, then maybe you should go to a family psychologist? At least for the sake of your own child. You can go/start going to church; for many people over many centuries, this has changed their lives for the better. In any case, this is your personal business. God bless you!

Rusik, age: 22/07/21/2012

who here calls this bastard sick?..we need to find justice for him! Brother, neighbor, social worker service at last! so that they come and intercede on you!!..strength requires strength!!...you are all hounded by this non-human who is mocking the Mother of his child!!...it’s too bad that they don’t exchange contacts here, otherwise I would have come and dispersed him to damn mother!!!…

Inga, age: 51 / 07/21/2012

do you love your husband? if not, just get a divorce, what he is doing now is called incitement to suicide, a criminal offense, and most importantly, difficult to prove. people get divorced when they become strangers to each other. your husband is just a demon who wants to harass you, if you can’t just leave, find an opportunity to get away from him for a while, understand that you are no longer on the same path, don’t let him insult and humiliate you.

Rihanna, age: 29/07/21/2012

Thank you all for your support

dura, age: 28/07/21/2012

You were unlucky... you ran into a family tyrant. You can’t reach his pity and soul, don’t even try! Tested by thousands of women. The more you endure, the more difficult it will be to leave... you will have less and less strength. Look for ways to get away. There is definitely a way out! Life has taught you a lesson - to endure humiliation is a betrayal of yourself... As soon as you understand this and feel it to the marrow of your bones, the door to a new happy life will open! Good luck to you ! EVERYTHING WILL BE FINE ! And don’t call yourself a fool anymore... You are smart and very strong!!!

Alsou, age: 34 / 07/21/2012

Sunny, what your mother told you, “Solve your own problems,” is her problem. Well, don't let yourself be humiliated like that. Return to your mother in the form of an ultimatum, with a suitcase and a child in your arms, this is in every way better than such a “marriage”, you probably have the right to a corner in her apartment, but you cannot live with a monster. He, your husband, excuse me, is a sadist, and there are obvious deviations in his psyche. It’s bad, very bad that before the wedding we don’t need any tests or doctor’s examinations... although even then there would probably be girls who believe that love will overcome everything. It is unnecessary to write that he does not love you, he is a nonentity who, mocking the weak, feels cooler than boiled eggs. We know people like that, my father-in-law is like that, my mother-in-law, a golden woman, constantly humiliates. Their son, my husband, is a very good person, but after spending his childhood in hell, he became hot-tempered, nervous, acquired a lot of illnesses by the age of 30, and at one time seriously thought about suicide. Do you want this for your child? No? Then put your feet up and run away from this monster; in large cities there are special centers that will shelter both you and the baby, if not to the mother. But I would still try to go to my mother... I also left my first husband, having lived with him for nine years, I won’t say, it wasn’t as bad as yours, but it was bad... My father also yelled: “No one is waiting for you.” , you are not needed here.” I calmly answered: “No one is asking you, here are my legal nine meters, and if you think that I am using more footage, sue me.” And that’s it. Of course, it will not be easy, you are not used to defending your interests, but there are also the interests of the child. I am 100% sure that he will not sue the child, this is a way to intimidate, why does he need a child? There won’t be any mental hospital, file for divorce, and in court tell about domestic violence, about psychological pressure, about incitement to suicide... If you remain calm and he either starts yelling or doesn’t show up to court at all, then it’s all his “ fake” “connections in different circles” (c) will not help him in any way. But first you need to get away from him. Anywhere, really, even to a monastery. Have pity on yourself and take care of your baby’s mental health.

Irina, age: 38 / 07/21/2012

Darling, at least write your name! Please! Mom said: “Solve problems yourself.” She really can't make a decision for you. So you decide for yourself: live like this or leave. My mother won’t kick me out, of course, and that’s the main thing now. You just need a corner to live, the rest will come over time. My husband likes to tease me. Such a person. Therefore, your attempts to avoid conflict greatly amuse him and inflame him: “Hurray, she is still reacting! That means I’m very strong, and she’s stupid for believing!” He feels like a complete insignificance in his soul, but dreams of being powerful. Therefore, it is approved at your (and your child’s) expense. Hence the fantasies about “I have great connections”, “I will do something with you!” You can't indulge! Threats from the same “opera”: to subjugate, to deprive one of one’s will, to force one to obey. Run quickly, dear! What is the point of always being nervous and afraid?! You didn’t answer: “Why is going to your mother more terrible for you than jumping out of the window?” Don't feel like taking action? Are you waiting for someone to decide and do it for you?! This is not possible... To scare people with “connections” is simply ridiculous. Only serious people can have this kind of connection (big business, high position. Or is he from a family of hereditary intelligentsia?! It doesn’t seem like it!). What has your husband achieved in life?! If there’s really nothing, then take the noodles off your ears! The child will stay with you. You just need to document all your steps. Contact a family law attorney now. Now you can get the necessary certificates about anything: even your own sanity, if this is necessary for the future struggle for the child. Evidence of domestic violence can be provided. Violence is not only sexual or physical. There is an article in the Criminal Code “incitement to suicide.” I do not call for judging your husband according to the Criminal Code. I argue that you can and should defend your rights to a child, to divorce, etc., there are mechanisms for this. Otherwise, your rights will remain on paper. Only you can make the decision. Helpers will be found later: lawyers, people with life experience (even on the Internet!) The second horror story is the psychiatric hospital. Nowadays they are NOT forcibly taken to a mental hospital (well, only the dangerously violent) and are NOT treated!!!! Even people who are really sick, with long-standing diagnoses! Get the noodles off your ears! In fact, the worst thing for a husband is to lose the object of bullying, i.e. you, who demonstrates complete dependence every day. And she’s even ready to give up her life BECAUSE OF HIM. “Thanks” to you, he feels terribly strong, well, just “on horseback.” But you are not backed into a corner! You have YOU, you have the law, you have the mother, you have the baby!!! Yes, your husband doesn’t like it if you don’t respond to provocations! So what next?! Dance, twitch?! Amuse him with your hysterics? What is your goal: to change HIM or to live normally YOURSELF?! It's different. Let him think of you as whatever he wants! This is just his opinion. People are free, everyone has their own life. Family is a voluntary matter. Sorry for the confusion. I wanted to help.

Elena Ordinary, age: 35 / 07/21/2012

..no you are not stupid!! and don’t you dare get this into your head!!! have a sense of your own Dignity!!!... I don’t know where you live, but try to come to the Intercession Monastery to the image of Blessed Matrona. The queue sucks, no matter how hard it was for you...just for the image! Write a note about your hard life asking for Help and Matrona will help! you will see life will begin to change for the better!...or if you are far away, buy her icon and prayer, Mother will help, she helps women and children...

Irina, age: 51 / 07/21/2012

What about the child! You can’t, try to distract yourself, take a friend. Drink valerian yourself to calm down.

Maria, age: 13/07/22/2012

Listen, you are a woman with a child. Don't you dare call yourself a fool. Why he behaves this way is not important. This is his problems. What matters is that YOU feel bad. And it’s bad for your child. But he, like a sponge, absorbs such an attitude towards you - and if you don’t stop this disgrace, the baby will also be rude to you, capricious, etc. Start respecting yourself, it won’t end well anyway, believe me. Just leave - feel your strength, your confidence, responsibility for yourself and for the child. You will very quickly learn to solve your problems, learn to smile and be happy. While you are with him, you will be harassed, tear-stained, inadequate from humiliation and deeply unhappy. All sorts of terrible diseases develop on this basis. Don't cling to this person and never trust him - he won't change. Take everything that legally belongs to you from your property - take it decisively and firmly and move forward to a normal life.

Anna, age: 36 / 07/22/2012

hello, I really sympathize with you, I want to offer you a way out. I am disabled with a spinal disorder, I have been living with my mother for 30 years. Move with your child to us and it will be easier for my mother to care for me and you will also get rid of your idiot husband. If you answer, we’ll talk there

Mikha, age: 30 / 07/29/2012

My darling!!! I understand you like no one else! I have the same problem at home! And different thoughts came to mind! But I don’t consider myself a fool! If you wrote here and asked for help and support, then you are no longer a fool!!! No matter how bad your soul is, stand in front of the mirror, smile at yourself and say “Unitsa! Gorgeous! You are so happy that you have a baby! Well, you chose a fool for your husband! To spite him I will live happily ever after!!!” Return the serve! He yells, and you smile! He'll yell and stop! Let him drown in his anger, but don’t let this anger come to your heart! And pray!!! Neither the Lord nor the Mother of God will abandon those who trust in Them! If the opportunity arises to change something, then you’ll leave!

Lenusya, age: 33 / 09.29.2012

I'm so sorry we're so indecisive! Listen to what they advise you! Think about baby! Protect the baby with your love and life! Death cannot be a solution!!! Live!!! I also live with such an inadequate person, but I have three children... I just treat him as if he is mentally ill, I pray for him and hope that there will be an opportunity to LIVE HAPPY!!! Fight for your life! God help you!

Lenusya, age: 33 / 09.29.2012

I left my “man.” A few months before giving birth, I bought an apartment in the village for 8 thousand hryvnia, bought the cheapest wallpaper, bought used furniture, and it turned out very cozy. My daughter is almost 5 months old. I’m already receiving children’s children, I paid off my debts, changed AGV house, installed water, started a small household. Of course, it was hard with a newborn in my arms to go around collecting certificates and putting things in order. But now it’s so good, I have a baby and a home. I don’t even want to go to the city, except to go to the cinema and go straight home. Next year I’ll plant beds :-D, I’ll hand over my license, I’ll buy a Cossack (it costs as much as a bicycle). And in a couple of years I’ll open my own store in the area. I don’t understand why you’re suffering? Do you see my husband is hurting me, I want to die, what nonsense? Leave your idiot loser, stop suffering and being idle and everything will be fine. It’s never too late to start over and become happy and save your child from nightmares.

Everything will be ok, age: 30 / 10/12/2012

Common situation. The same thing happened to me, only worse, my husband beat me during pregnancy and after. I married for love, we lived together for a year, in the end he kicked me out with a child in his arms, my daughter was not yet 6 months old. It's all the other woman's fault. After giving birth, I lost weight and became like a skeleton due to nervousness. When she got divorced, she became so prettier that people around her began to notice. And now I don’t regret anything, even the fact that the child is from him - I dreamed of a daughter for 9 years. Men are not permanent creatures, but children will always be with us, because they are a part of us! Therefore, you need to live for the sake of your children and not bother with these men!!!

alka, age: 25 / 04/04/2013

I have the same husband! Also a civil servant. We have been together for 8 years, I am an orphan, when I became pregnant, he beat me, his mother encourages him for this (she is a math teacher), his father pretends that everything is fine, and his brother also attacked me... I have twins, I used to endure humiliation, but now I’m fighting back and threatening that I’ll take him to court, now he’s harassing me morally, we live in the village, so while the kids are growing up (they’re 4 years old), I’m sending my hubby to his mommy to spend the night, and let him they will be happy PS Now he chews it together with his brother and father in the evenings.

Lesya Stroqaya, age: 25 / 04/22/2013

Hello. I have the same problem. We have a small child. Now I’m pregnant. 8 months.. when the term was small, it forced me to do something heavy. move the sofa. I refused. He was freaking out. He said that he couldn’t do it alone. always considered me. if he holds one package of groceries. I have to carry the second one. If I say anything I start to get irritated. curse me and the child. Once he got drunk and made threats. grabbed a knife and said that he would stab me and the child in the stomach. on the trail. does not remember the day or is lying. he hates me. I suggest let's get a divorce. he does not want. The man has his own apartment. car. work, but I'm at home to take care of the child. I can provide for the children. I tell him we hate each other, let’s break up. on the trail. the day he sings and talks with me as if nothing had happened.

Yulia, age: 30 / 08/26/2013

You are the mother your child needs. You don't want to leave him with such an inadequate person. There is always a choice where to go (girlfriend, parents, etc.)

Inessa, age: 28/08/27/2013

Dear girl, I am your friend in misfortune, my husband also stopped loving me (or maybe he never loved me), he also humiliated me, he even tried to beat me, my advice to you is to leave. run, your husband is mentally ill, he can do something irreparable, but they will give him a certificate and treat him (or maybe not) and he will move on with his life. reconcile yourself - accept it as it is, when there is something to preserve, you can still try, but if a person does this, you have to run. he is dangerous, really and seriously dangerous!! In response to all his threats, file a complaint with the police - you need this for the future legal process for divorce. (I’m a lawyer, I know) all his shavings and God forbid beatings should be documented immediately in the first hours. and show him that you are not afraid of him, but only after you leave, otherwise if he realizes that he has lost power over you, he can do business if he has mental disorders, and it looks like it. God bless you. look for support in Orthodox centers, contact the social service for the protection of women and children. don't sit idly by!

Svetlana, age: 27/10/25/2013

Previous request Next request Return to the beginning of the section

print version

Another woman

There are also situations when the wife does everything possible and impossible for her husband to make him feel good and comfortable, but after a while he gets used to it and imagines that it’s like that everywhere. He begins to cheat, first secretly, and then openly, and a certain moment comes when he leaves the family.

A woman, so devoted and so caring, despite the moral pain he brought her, lets go with a pure soul and wishes him only happiness, but at the same time knows very well that even if he asks to come back, there will be no turning back.

A man who has lived with his new passion for a short period begins to understand what a treasure he has lost in the form of his ex-wife. But at the same time he believes that if he knocks back on the door, she will gladly take him back.

But when a wife refuses her ex-husband, he is first surprised by this turn of events, and then begins to get angry with her. Because he cannot morally accept that fact.

The woman, for her part, cannot understand the aggression and hatred that her former husband feels towards her. It seems like she let her go and didn’t mean any harm, but she refused to return... And she’s racking her brains over the question: “Why does my ex-husband hate me?”

The answer in this situation is very simple. He hates not his ex-wife, but himself, from the realization that she cannot forgive everything and not always, and human patience is not limitless.

When a turning point comes in family life, and a woman feels her husband’s dislike and hostility towards her, she immediately falls into a panic, asking the same question about what to do next and what to do at the moment.

How to define male hatred

Even though the hatred is almost always obvious, some ladies sometimes doubt whether men are really that negative. They feel that the relationship has changed, but cannot connect this with the collapse of the marriage.

Here are just a few signs that will help you identify male hatred in time:

the beloved is quick-tempered, he is enraged by every comment, every word of his significant other;
a man often behaves inappropriately, destroys everything around him, is able to raise his hand;
in a relationship, such a person always takes the position of leader and does not respect the opinion of his wife;
quarrels with such a person arise out of nowhere almost every day;
a man who hates his wife often cheats, disappears at work for days, just so as not to spend time with his other half;
the partner often makes fun of the woman in public, trying to piss her off;
the man’s negativity also extends to his relatives, as a result of which the woman has conflicts with them;
he refuses to have children, and if the couple does have heirs, he may hate them too.

Most often, negativity towards a partner is expressed in elementary aggressiveness, undisguised anger. Often men do not hesitate to use force; assault becomes quite normal for such a family.

Psychologists emphasize that in the absence of measures to save the relationship, the partner’s feelings will only progress. Over time, the man will throw tantrums every day, beat his partner, and take it out on the children.

It is important to understand that hatred can be not only obvious, but also hidden. A man raised with a standard set of values may be embarrassed by the sudden outbreak of negativity towards his partner. As a result, he will hide it by any means possible.

However, his behavior is still deformed. So, the partner will become silent, secretive and extremely irritable. Literally any comment from his partner will enrage him. In such a situation, you must immediately contact a psychologist or try to resolve the conflict yourself.

Ladies are accustomed to perceiving themselves as victims in such situations. However, psychologists advise looking at the problem from two sides. Usually both lovers are to blame for the conflict, and when this can be understood, the problem will disappear by itself. If you blame the hatred only on the man, the marriage will certainly fall apart and bury possible joint happiness under ruins.

Analyzing situations

In order to choose further tactics of behavior and not make things worse, you first need to analyze why this could happen.

The first thing that comes to mind is that the beloved has another woman. But what does this have to do with it if it seems that the husband hates his wife. When a man does not intend to leave the family, he often changes his mistresses, but it is not so easy for his significant other to notice this. Even if this happened, he had one answer - he wanted some kind of variety.

Perhaps the attitude has changed after the birth of the child, since, basically, the mother almost completely focuses on the baby. At this time, the spouse experiences a feeling of indignation and resentment that he is no longer given as much attention. Then he begins to attract him with aggression.

Having analyzed the current situation well and clearly, a woman must draw conclusions for herself and determine whether she wants to continue living with this person. Or the best option will be a divorce, after which not immediately, but gradually she will gain not only calmness and peace, but also self-confidence, which she so lacked in her family life.

But what should I do when a woman says that my husband hates me, but at the same time I love him and don’t want to lose him? You can try to somehow change the situation, putting a little effort and patience into it.

If, for example, a spouse works and does not have as much time for her family as she would like, and this is the reason for the spouse’s dissatisfaction, although he himself has a good salary, it is preferable for him that his wife sits at home and pays more attention to him than a career. Then, if you want to save your marriage, the only option is to give up work.

Likely consequences

It is important to understand the consequences of hating your wife:

divorce as a mutual desire;
living with a feeling of hatred and the inability to break off relationships leads to the development of constant stress and depression;
aggression, which may involve the use of physical violence;
a man who lives experiencing such negative emotions towards his partner will never be happy, and will not make the woman next to him so;
Children who grow up in a family where the father has a negative attitude towards the mother will not develop normally, and their psychological state will be subject to stress. It is worth understanding how deeply children feel what is happening around them.

Always be on top!

Often married women make the same mistake - they stop taking care of themselves (either they didn’t have time to wash their hair, or they didn’t have time to get a manicure), and this, in turn, pushes their husband away. Since he married an always well-groomed representative of the fair sex. To prevent this from happening, you must always remember this and do it in such a way that the spouse can not only admire, but also proudly demonstrate that this is his woman when someone else looks in her direction.

It is necessary to constantly develop spiritually and intellectually in order to always be not only a beautiful picture for your husband, but also an interesting interlocutor.

You need to try to make sure that your spouse spends his free time more often nearby, and at the same time he does not have the desire to go somewhere, for example, with friends for a beer.

You always need to find many reasons to praise your husband and say a gentle, kind word to him.

Very often in family life it happens that one of the partners does not know how to correctly express his thoughts. Then it is very difficult for the couple to negotiate and explain themselves. If a woman has such a deficiency, then she needs to express her thoughts more constructively, so that the husband understands what is being said and what exactly the wife wants to say, and is not left again thinking that once again something was left unsaid.

Often an offended spouse turns to specialists and declares: “My husband hates me.” Psychology is a subtle science. And experts in this field agreed that in such cases the most important thing is to objectively analyze family relationships and see future prospects for their continuation.

Mutual hatred

What should I do if my husband and I hate each other? The problem here is not that the feelings have become a little dull or a habit has appeared. From the very beginning of their family life, the couple did not have the emotional intimacy that lies behind love. And when the latter goes a little into the background, misunderstanding immediately appears. In this case, even the most insignificant little things lead to discontent and alienation between spouses, which accumulate more and more every day. As a result, everything that united the couple disappears.

When a woman tells her friends and family: “My husband hates me,” people give a wide variety of advice. Most believe that you should have an honest conversation with your loved one. But do this very carefully so that he does not refuse to discuss his feelings, and the attempt itself does not turn into another scandal. To do this, you need to express yourself judiciously and calmly. It is advisable to achieve this (possibly unpleasant) conversation. Then the result will be clear, the spouse will finally understand whether there is still any chance to save the family. Otherwise, you will have to come to terms with reality.

Husband's problem

So, the wife constantly yells at her husband for doing everything wrong. What is he wrong about? He is not her employee, and does not have to act as if he works for her. The husband needs to stop reacting like a subordinate. And take the position of an equal partner in the dialogue.

He's a grown man, why does he need a to-do list? Does he have no eyes? He is not able to assess whether it is time to do the laundry, whether there are dirty dishes, whether he needs to pick up the child after school? People do these everyday things without focusing on any lists, automatically. Whatever problems they see in front of them, they eliminate them.

Photo by Drew Hays on Unsplash

It is very strange to hear from a man who feels like a cornered horse that his wife is “not relaxed enough.” Do you think she's tired of the difficulty of managing a grown man?

Everyone should be happy!

If a girl says: “My husband hates me.” What should she do? Now the time has come for the wife to remember that she is a woman and also has the right to personal happiness. Pointless conversations and wasted energy will not bring anything good, except for another disappointment and disappointment.

It is best to let go of your spouse rather than cling to him and keep him close. After all, the feeling that he needs his wife, and that she is desired as before, will never return. And so, left alone, sooner or later a woman will find complete peace of mind, perhaps she will have a desire to build a new relationship.

What to do for both

If you recognize yourself in the description, read the recommendations and understand that this is about you, conduct an experiment. Write down everything you do around the house on a piece of paper. Be petty, learn all the nuances down to who takes out the trash and changes the toilet paper roll, who wipes the children’s noses and pours tea into everyone’s mugs.

Then, on this list, highlight all the things, all the items that you do for yourself, and not for your wife or children. Let your spouse do the same. If betting could be done in such cases, most experienced psychologists would bet that the wife's list is much longer than her husband's. There is no need to guess here: whoever gets more tired is more likely to break down.

Quarrel at a psychotherapist's appointment

Try another experiment: switch roles for a week. If your wife used to tell you what to do all the time, now it’s your turn. Ask for whatever you want: buy beer, bring tea, run to the store, put money on your phone. Let her serve you in addition to her standard to-do list. Then ask each other questions.

Did she manage to complete all your instructions?
Did she manage to hold out for a week?
Did she manage to hold out for at least one day?
Did she manage to do everything right? Or did you also have to make comments?

Go to church

When the husband said that he hates, the wife may need to pray to avoid succumbing to depression. So that the Lord gives her strength and patience to survive all this and not do anything stupid.

Sometimes some mistresses do everything to make the husband hate his wife. They can weave intrigues and trick a man. As a result, he really has such feelings for his legal wife.

There are women who do not believe in all sorts of magical conspiracies and rituals. What should they do? After your husband begins to hate, it is best to go to church and confess. Perhaps the priest will help restore faith in life and in yourself. It will push you to the fact that life is priceless, but short and you need to enjoy it, enjoy every day, and those family troubles are a test from God, which he sent, knowing that a person will cope with it.

Possible reasons

Constant scandals thrown up by a wife can cause a feeling of hatred towards her.
The relationship between husband and wife is quite often ambiguous. Often, along with love there is irritation, which over time can develop into true hatred.

Let's look at why the development of hatred can be observed, what could happen for a husband to begin to hate his wife.

A woman who does not develop and degrades is annoying. The man is no longer interested in spending his time with her. This irritability will gradually accumulate and at some point it will turn into hatred.
Cheating on your spouse or her betrayal in another form. This is one of the most serious reasons that can lead to fierce hatred.
Over time, the wife’s excessive care, intrusiveness, and control begin to drive out and enrage the man.
When a wife throws tantrums with or without cause, she irritates and sometimes causes aggression in her husband.
When a man feels that his significant other treats him with disrespect, he understands that he does not want to love such a woman, and since he is forced to live under the same roof with her, he gradually begins to secretly hate her. The same applies to situations where a woman does not know how to empathize, listen and hear her partner.
Problems in intimate life. In a situation where a woman does not give a man what he needs in bed, he subconsciously becomes angry with her.
Hatred can also develop when a woman has changed a lot, for example, she has gained a lot of weight. If a husband likes slender women, then a plump wife will cause a feeling of hostility, sometimes even disgust.
Marriage of convenience, or forced, for example, due to pregnancy. The man has not experienced and does not experience tender feelings for a woman. Only over time does his indifference develop into a hateful attitude.
The feeling of hatred may hide the presence of life problems, and they are not necessarily directly related to the spouse. For example, he experiences serious difficulties at work. That is, in reality, a man does not hate his wife - she simply falls under his hot hand.
Hatred can also develop towards a wife who leads an antisocial lifestyle, abuses alcohol, smokes a lot, or treats children poorly.
Feelings for your wife can be killed by family troubles and everyday problems. A situation where a young couple, during the period of dating, is going through a romantic period, starting a family, living day after day under one roof, faces many difficulties that are not always possible to cope with. A man begins to blame his wife for all problems, and this is how hatred towards her is formed.
When a wife is more successful than her husband, has achieved more in life, has career growth, earns more money, the man begins to hate her because his pride suffers, he feels insignificant compared to his wife.
Hatred may be the result of childhood trauma. This is mainly noted in cases where a man had a difficult relationship with his mother, for example, she overly controlled him, used physical violence in the process of raising him, suppressed all his desires, and hindered his endeavors. When such a boy grows up, he sees his mother in all women, that is, they pose a hidden threat to him. The same situation can be observed if a man was abandoned by his mother and grew up only with his father. He harbored a grudge against his mother, who betrayed him. What is important is that in a situation with childhood psychological trauma, a man himself may not even be aware of the reason for his frolicking hatred towards the female sex or towards a specific woman who is now nearby.
Hatred can develop in a situation where the husband met another woman, fell in love with her, and is in two relationships. When meeting his lover, he flies on the wings of love. Returning home, his wife begins to irritate him, enrage him, the man begins to dislike his wife.

You can also learn about the reasons why a wife hates her husband.

Let go

If a woman says: “My husband hates me, living with him is becoming more and more difficult every day,” then perhaps the best way out of the situation is to let him go. After all, in the end, two people will not suffer themselves, and they will not force anyone to suffer next to them.

If a woman complains about life and says: “My husband hates me, family relationships are going nowhere, what should I do next?...” We must not forget that there is no specific answer to this question. And the decision to save the family or, on the contrary, not even try, must be made by the spouses themselves.

It’s not for nothing that there is such a proverb: “From love to hate there is one step” and vice versa. The likelihood that, having tried to save the marriage, the spouse will be able to interest her lover, as at the beginning of the relationship, and maybe more, is very high. Then married life will continue like a permanent honeymoon.

How does this manifest itself?

Behavior is inconsistent and unpredictable. An alcoholic always has a desire to drink, and it is more important than obligations and agreements. It’s impossible to plan anything, from going to the movies together to going on vacation—alcohol interferes with any plans and ruins them.

Aggression and violence. A drunk person has no control over himself. If someone is nearby who is dissatisfied with drunkenness, lectures, and does not share the love of alcohol, a conflict arises, which quickly turns into swearing and physical violence. Once you “forgive” the alcoholic for this behavior, you allow him to continue in the same spirit.

Depression. Between binges there are periods of “calm”, but they may not bring joy. A person forced to abstain from alcohol becomes depressed and withdrawn. He is not interested in communication, joint plans, or relaxation. Even if he makes an effort on himself and participates in the relationship, the craving for alcohol remains a painful “background” that affects the emotional state of the couple.

Mutual mistrust. A dependent person does not consider his sober spouse one hundred percent his “ally,” because he does not share his main hobby and, moreover, is opposed to him. It is difficult to trust an alcoholic: he can break at any moment, forget about obligations, planned deeds, promises.

Addiction affects all aspects of personal relationships: both emotional and sexual. There are few prospects for a love triangle in which alcohol is involved: it is impossible to plan a life together, marriage, or children in such a situation.

Order alcoholism treatment

We work around the clock, experienced doctors, 100% anonymous.