Women often have the question of what to do if their husband constantly insults and humiliates them; the advice of a psychologist in this situation will help to cope with the problem. When getting married, a woman wants to be loved, create comfort in her home, give birth to and raise worthy children. But it happens that a person who was dear yesterday turns out to be a monster, with curses constantly flying from his lips. The wife feels humiliated, tries to find flaws in herself, eliminate them, treat her husband more kindly, but this does not work. Humiliation and insults continue to pour from his lips, often the situation comes to the point of assault.
She would like to take it and leave, but the children are already growing up in the family, and her husband is still beloved. What to do in such a situation, forgive and wait until he comes to his senses and changes, or pack his things and leave the inhospitable home?
What to do if your husband constantly insults and humiliates you? Let's fight back!
Love without guarantees on the part of a man humiliates and insults a woman.
Sunday Adelaja
- 1. Reasons why a husband humiliates his wife
- 2. If you only hear insults from your husband, will it be better later?
- 3.What to do if your husband beats you?
- 4.Advice from a psychologist
- 5.Conclusion
- How to stop loving someone you love very much?
- What to do if your husband constantly insults and humiliates you? Let's fight back!
- A game of four hands: when a husband does not respect and value his wife
- How to forget a loved one: advice from a psychologist
- How to stop being jealous and suspicious of your husband: advice from a family psychologist
Reasons why a husband humiliates his wife
There are several reasons for constant humiliation and insults, and different approaches to solving them are required.
Here are the main reasons why a husband may insult and humiliate his wife:
- His warm feelings for his wife have already passed
, but love needs support, the feelings themselves gradually cool down, and a moment of cooling occurs for any couple. If you try to strengthen the relationship during this period, it will be restored, but both spouses must work. If this stage doesn’t mean anything to any of them, problems are just around the corner. - The husband took a mistress
. In this situation, it is more convenient for him to humiliate and insult his wife in order to force her to be the first to leave the family and file for divorce. This is how a man unties his hands and frees up territory for new relationships in which he has already plunged headlong. - The man no longer has respect for his wife
. There are several reasons, one of which is the wife’s maternity leave. During this period, many ladies do not take care of themselves, they are busy only with the child and do not give their husband the attention he requires. His wife is just annoying him now. - A man's self-esteem is very low
, so he raises it by humiliating a woman. - The woman herself treats her husband with disrespect
, completely controls him, constantly asks where and why he went, when he will be home, rummages through his phone, rummages through his things, rummages in his pockets. - The woman is afraid of making the situation even worse, so she silently tolerates the man’s indecent behavior
. Among the main reasons: she has nowhere to go or she is heavily dependent on him financially.
The psychologist's advice is simple
: if this happened for the first time, then you need to calmly ask your husband not to talk to her in that tone again, otherwise the “conversation” will have to be stopped. The reasons for rudeness on the part of the husband can be anything, but he must control himself, so you should not react silently to his offensive expressions.
You can tell your husband about feelings, about love, that such words hurt the soul and are very unpleasant. Communicate that you can change something, change yourself, but together, and if there is a problem, it needs to be voiced tactfully, and find a way out together.
It happens that a husband does not want to react in any way to his wife’s words, does not want to change anything about himself, then this is a reason for a woman to think about whether she needs exactly such a relationship, and what more radical measures she is ready to take.
But when the question of what to do is acute, if the husband constantly insults and humiliates, then this may be a temporary or permanent separation - divorce.
Why does he offend me?
If your husband offends you, then there can and should be certain reasons for this. This behavior can be explained by the fact that there is a gradual fading of feelings towards the previously beloved wife. Everyday worries, routine - all this absorbs the original passion over time.
Therefore, the husband may have more and more claims and accusations against his beloved. He may begin to insult and express dissatisfaction for various reasons. A man can also insult and humiliate all the time.
He may not like his wife’s changed appearance, for example, her figure after childbirth has changed not for the better. And this becomes a reason for constant ridicule, to which the girl can be seriously offended. But there may be other reasons for nagging and grievances.
If a man offends, the reason may be the husband’s mistress. Constant nagging begins, the man insults, often without even a clear reason, tries to provoke a conflict, ruin the mood. With this attitude and constant harassment of his wife, he can make her want to separate.
They will also single out a category of women who allow themselves to be treated this way without reacting properly to insults. Often such a family consists of an inconspicuous wife and a bright, handsome husband.
Another reason why he treats you badly is because you are dependent on him. Typically, such women try not to react to such attitudes and insults and endure in silence. Another provoking factor that he allows himself to treat his wife this way is the disgust that has arisen.
Time passed, my wife changed noticeably. This is no longer the young, slender girl he once fell in love with. And this provokes subconscious disgust, which he tries to throw out towards his wife.
If you only hear insults from your husband, will it be better later?
When a man constantly calls his woman offensive words and finds fault with her for any reason, this does not mean that she is bad and he is trying to correct her.
The reason may not be immediately noticeable, and the woman will never change the way he wants. The couple has been married for several days, but the wife has not gotten any worse, she has children and she takes care of them. In such a situation, the reason lies in the husband himself.
He may be dissatisfied with himself, his own career, salary, and the team may not like him. But he doesn’t want to look for the reason in himself, change himself, correct the situation; it’s much easier to have a blast at home with his wife. A wife can point out to her husband his own mistakes and failures, but there is no way out, you can only aggravate the situation, make him angrier.
There are two steps you can take:
- Pack up and leave it
. - Wait until he realizes the reason on his own
. But in this case, you can waste many years to no avail.
If your husband abuses alcohol and becomes cheeky and aggressive after drinking, you don’t need to console yourself that he only does this when he’s drunk.
In the future, cases of drunken rudeness will become more frequent and last longer. As a result, they can turn into physical violence, since each time the husband will go further and further in his obscenities. And the reason here is not at all alcohol, it’s just that in a sober state a man can quite keep his emotions and feelings under control. If he has reached the point where he can humiliate his wife in front of strangers, in front of the children, then the situation will not get better. It is convenient for him to solve his own psychological problems in this way. You will have to either endure it or take radical measures, that is, leave him.
A man wants to feel superior to the victim; if you don’t stop this, you may no longer remember your own name in the future, and he will call you whatever you want, and it’s always offensive. If, when trying to change the situation in this case, the husband does not draw conclusions, there is no need to call him names in response, he will not change.
Why does my husband insult me in front of strangers?
Humiliating his wife in public is a man’s way of raising his own self-esteem in the eyes of others. As a rule, such techniques are used by weak and insecure people.
There is no need to insult your beloved in response. On the contrary, try to say only good things about him, making him more confident. If he can believe in himself, then he will no longer have any reason to assert himself at the expense of his partner.
What to do if your husband hits you?
If a husband raises his hand, who is he, a scoundrel or a worthy man? Many women think that this is a manifestation of true love. But if this is a problem, and the husband constantly humiliates, insults and beats his wife, and even in front of the child, then what to do? The problem is that the man in this case does not feel any remorse.
He believes that she herself is to blame, she brought it on. He had a hard day at work, and she was on hand. Or you had a nice conversation with your neighbor, get it! There's no point in flirting.
Some men regard beating as a last resort to “convince” their wife that she is behaving incorrectly from his point of view. You can find fault with everything, even if you didn’t hand out the slippers at the doorstep correctly. Unfortunately, such behavior of men has been justified for centuries, but today a marriage takes place between equal people, and not subordinates to one another!
Is male authority really earned through beatings, and this is male wealth? But often the cause of violent behavior is alcohol; it causes aggression for which there are no motives. You need to think about whether you want to live with an alcoholic in the future? The solution is obvious.
The man suffers from an inferiority complex, his career is at zero, he has achieved nothing, neither a position in society, nor a decent salary. A person who has not succeeded anywhere wants to feel like a ruler at home. If a wife tries to show independence, she will be severely punished, especially if she is higher on the career ladder and has an income that exceeds her husband's earnings.
There is no need to look for reasons for beating your husband; he will find fault with everything. And he often raises his hand against children, crippling them mentally and physically. According to statistics, tens of thousands (about 50,000) children run away from home every year to escape parental beatings and bullying.
Approximately 2,000 children attempt suicide every year. A huge number of children are sent to a juvenile colony for the murder of their father, from whose violent behavior they saved their mother or saved themselves. And for a woman to maintain such a relationship is already a crime against her own children.
Husband calls and humiliates in front of children
If the head of the family allows his chosen one to be rude when children are nearby, then there is no time to puzzle over why the husband shouts and insults. A negative atmosphere in the home has a detrimental effect on the health and psyche of children.
Talk to your loved one about whether they realize they are ruining their children's lives. When such methods do not have an impact, it is better to seek help from a psychologist. If therapy turns out to be ineffective, then it is better to put an end to the toxic relationship.
Psychologist's advice
If a woman is faced with humiliation in the family, psychologists give clear advice
:
- It’s stupid to think that your husband will come to his senses overnight - he won’t change.
- You should not show affection, care and love in response to humiliating words; you should not expect a positive result from such behavior.
- There is also no need to insult in response, it is the wrong tactic.
- There is also no need to satisfy your husband’s whims without desire.
- It is impossible to re-educate an adult without his own desire.
- It is impossible to think that such relationships in a family are the norm, it is not so.
If your husband continues to behave vilely, constantly causing mental pain with his words, it is better to break up with him and find another half. If, for some reason, a woman does not want to do this, she can only come to terms with the role of the victim and not complain that life is not a success.
If you can't change your behavior
All the recommendations listed above will bring success only if the man also wants to save his family and work on himself. If he does not want to change anything about himself, continuing to do his own thing, there is no need to regret the years lived together. You can't allow yourself to be treated like that.
A temporary separation will help you both understand how important family is. Your spouse will be able to think about his behavior and understand whether he wants to live with you or not. If temporary separation does not change anything in the relationship, behavior does not change, there is no point in continuing the relationship.
What is the purpose of a man's silence after an argument?
Punishment.
A man punishes his woman by not communicating with her. He wants her to understand how wrong she is, and how right he is. At the same time, silent people believe that a woman should suffer and feel guilty. And also, they seem to be making an investment in the future - so that she will draw conclusions and not behave like that with him again.
There is a feeling as if such men are trying to train their wives. Fortunately, they are not very good at it. But sometimes, there are exceptions when a woman madly loves her man and is even ready to be a doormat. In such cases, you need to actively increase your own self-esteem.
Many women perceive their husband’s silence very hard; all sorts of thoughts about relationships, about the fact that he has someone else, etc. begin to spin in their heads. Most often, a man’s silence is caused by simple factors and reasons.
Increasing your own importance and value through silence.
You see, if the quarrel is over and the husband is silent and does not speak, then this means that he is waiting for you to admit that he is right. This means ask for forgiveness, and in this way he will become more significant in your eyes, and especially in your own eyes. What can I say, this behavior speaks of his low self-esteem.
But again, this does not apply to all men. Some punish their wives for months, remain silent, ignore, and most likely, the woman who is trying to return peace to the family has already asked for forgiveness 10 times, but he remains silent and remains silent.
Cannot admit he is wrong, mistake, etc.
In such cases, pride does not allow men to be the first to start communicating; it seems to them that if he is silent longer, the problem will resolve itself. It’s hard to accept that he wasn’t wrong, doesn’t know what to do, etc., so he’s silent. But it also happens that the woman herself adds fuel to the fire, constantly reminding him of his mistakes, misconduct or miscalculations. Every time, he needs to justify himself and defend himself, and he chooses the path of silence; in these cases, he feels like a hero, because in this way he resists accusations from his wife. It’s not a fact that there really are accusations, he just wants to think so.
A man is a child.
Unfortunately, such men are not mature boys who do not know how to solve problems in an adult way, through a constructive conversation, who are able to see the whole situation as a whole, and at the same time, see the consequences of their actions.
To be offended and shut up is childish behavior when a child simply does not know how to get out of a conflict situation and does not have the skills to defend his boundaries. After all, what is a quarrel?
2 adults cannot agree on some issue, each of them tries to be right and forgets about the common good of the family. At the moment of a quarrel, everyone defends only their own positions, and is completely unaware that their closest and most beloved person is arguing with them.
It turns out that adults automatically turn into children and achieve their goal through silence, screaming, etc.
Does not know how to express his dissatisfaction, resentment, etc. in any other way.
Every person is different, and each of us has our own conflict resolution skills and, most importantly, ways to resolve these conflicts. Most often, methods for resolving conflicts are taken from the parental family, they are simply automatically copied by our psyche, and there is simply no other way.
Many families use the language of silence in their arsenal for resolving conflicts and discontent. For example, a child brought a D in math, a common thing that doesn’t happen to anyone. But in such families, everything is much more serious.
So, deuce... the mother found out, and silently turned around and went to her room, she may not talk to her child for several days, emphasizing with all her appearance how bad a child he is, and how much she is dissatisfied with him.
How does the child feel at this time? He feels guilty, he can’t do anything because his mother doesn’t talk, he can’t explain why he got a bad grade?
Or... parents argue with each other, and then remain silent for weeks, and the child watches this and believes that such behavior is normal. The child grows up and also remains silent after quarrels and even after minor conflicts over trifles. A man who grew up in such a family will remain silent and believe that he is right, that this is how he should behave. He doesn't know any other way.
Want to improve your relationship? Do you want to receive support, attention, love from your man? In fact, it is not so difficult, you just need to learn to say the right words at the right moment! I suggest you download the checklist “22 phrases that will save your relationship”!
Your husband wants your apology when you are wrong.
Women can also be very proud and will never be the first to reconcile, and do not want to admit that they were wrong. Therefore, a man wants to hear from his wife that she was wrong. If you apologized, and the man accepted the apology and started talking, then this is just such a case.
But if you have to constantly ask for forgiveness and humiliate yourself, then this is something else, it’s more like manipulation, humiliation of another person, abuse.
I often recommend to my clients to start with this – apologize, look at the result. If your husband became cheerful and calmed down, it means that he sincerely believed that you were wrong.
After all, asking for forgiveness does not mean losing your pride. This pride prevents you from saying a few words so that peace and tranquility reign in the family.
Your husband is “jammed” - this is your case if he remains silent for a short time.
It happens that a man cannot digest a situation, some facts, and he literally gets stuck in a certain problem. He has nothing to say, he doesn’t know the answer, and he can’t switch to something else. The woman begins to think that he was offended and fell silent. But in fact, he is “stuck”; some time will pass, his thought processes will be restored, and he will return to normal.
When it's time to call it a day
There is no point in saving a family if:
- The husband no longer loves his chosen one. It doesn’t matter why this happened, on its own or because of a new passion.
- All methods have been used to change the situation, but no changes have occurred.
- Due to the husband's aggression, the child's health has deteriorated.
- You realize that no one in this union is happy.
- You realize that you no longer love your life partner.
What to ask an abusive spouse
- Does he understand that his behavior causes psychological trauma to children? Does he know that children are afraid of him? Does he realize his responsibility to them?
- Does he have feelings for you? If he loves you, then why does he behave this way? And how much, in his opinion, you should tolerate his rudeness.
- What's his problem? What prompted him to assert himself at your expense. And is he ready to accept your help?
You need to ask without fear of his reaction.
When to seek help from a psychologist
Understanding why a husband calls names and humiliates his wife is not always possible without outside help. You need to see a psychologist if:
- the husband shows aggression only when intoxicated;
- in addition to verbal humiliation, physical force is used;
- there are serious mental disorders;
- a married couple is trying to solve the problem, but there is no result.
Take the test and find out what your chances are of getting your husband back
What to do when your husband is silent and does not speak after a quarrel?
Now I will say a banal thing - do nothing! Nothing at all, don’t notice that the person is silent, don’t think about it, don’t try to solve the situation by any means.
Think for a moment, what does your husband want to show with his silence?
What is more certain is that he is not here. He is not next to you, he was offended and left, although his physical body is in the next room, and perhaps even sits opposite you and happily eats delicious borscht. But at the same time, he doesn’t talk to you!
Conclusion! If it's not there, it means it's not there!
Therefore:
- Why feed him if he doesn't exist?
- Why should he wash things if he is away?
- Why talk to emptiness and try to improve relationships?
- Why endlessly apologize and ask for forgiveness from someone who decided to separate from you for a while?
In order to show that you are indifferent to his silence, you need to have good restraint and nerves of iron.
There is good news - you will definitely succeed! If, with his silence, your husband is trying to manipulate your feelings of guilt or he is silent for some reason, then now it’s your turn to manipulate and make him worry and be nervous!
Sometimes I hear the following words: “We are in a quarrel and don’t talk!”, At the same time, the person is upset, upset, sad, sometimes even falls into a depressive state.
But this is a standard pattern of behavior, and a person who finds himself in such a difficult situation subconsciously tries to follow this pattern. And the important point is that the one who is silent silently implies that his partner will behave this way.
And I’m sure that your bad mood and upset appearance brings him a lot of pleasure. Your task is to break the pattern! Just take it and break it!
Ask yourself questions:
- How would I feel if I lived alone?
- What would I do if my husband went on a business trip?
- Where would I go?
- What was I doing?
After all, if he is silent and shows with all his appearance that he is indifferent to you and your condition, then it means you need to take care of yourself!
And imagine this situation: your husband is silent and does not speak to you for several days after a quarrel.
Do you think he sits there and only thinks about himself? Nothing of the sort, is he watching you and assessing how much you suffer and worry?
But you actually suffer and worry. In the evening - feel sad, yearning, perhaps even cry. The pattern of a suffering person in reality.
Now, another approach. Evening, you get ready, dress up, put on makeup, twirl in front of the mirror... if you have children, then negotiate with someone who will stay with the children or write a note to your husband and take it to him. It is important that he sees you so beautiful, smiling, and does not even know where you are going. Let him worry, freak out, think...
We got dressed and left. Maybe to see a friend, maybe to have a cup of coffee in a cafe, or maybe just to take a walk around the park.
This is one option, and believe me, this option works very well.
Of course, there are side effects, if the husband is jealous, then he will probably stop being silent and start asking questions and suspecting all mortal sins. But he will stop being silent.
The next step is to live as if he does not exist next to you.
- Don't invite him to dinner, and don't even cook for him. After all, he eats with you? And since he pretends not to notice you, then let him not notice the food you are preparing.
- Don't wash his things. Now many will think, how can this be, he is my husband, why should he walk around dirty? Does he have hands? Let him put his dirty clothes in the washing machine and take them out and hang them up himself!
Be a little bitch, such a bad wife who doesn’t care about her husband. Let him feel how bad he will be without your attention, care and attention?
Of course, we need to find an opportunity to talk like adults and resolve all misunderstandings, figure out what is behind his silence?
Only this conversation should be held when everything is fine with you, when his boycott is over. And it is imperative to talk so that you understand what is behind his silence and do not torment yourself with a feeling of guilt.
I end here, and I hope that you were able to figure out what to do if your husband is silent and does not speak after a quarrel?
Also, I suggest you watch the video “My husband is silent after a quarrel. What should I do?”, in it you will find a few more tips that I did not voice in this article.
Sincerely, psychologist Natalia Gnezdilova.
IMPORTANT! Don't forget to download the free checklist “22 phrases that will save your relationship”
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The author of the article is Natalia Gnezdilova , family psychologist with 15 years of experience. I help women 35+ regain love, respect and trust in relationships with men. I consult online in any of the messengers - Skype, WhatsApp, Viber. Subscribe: my Instagram YouTube channel VK page
