What to do if a husband constantly yells at his wife, how to react to her husband’s screams: advice from a psychologist

Why a husband constantly yells at his wife: reasons

If your husband used to be calm, and only recently began to behave aggressively (shouting, losing his temper over trifles), it is necessary to determine the reason for the change in behavior. First, think about what you said or did wrong. You should not blame yourself, look for the source from which the quarrel occurred.

The main reasons why a husband constantly yells and is dissatisfied with everything include:

Difficulties at work or lack of finances;
Stress related to psychology;
Cooling of feelings;
Lack of self-esteem. Often, if a woman is more successful, earns more, or even looks better, for a man with low self-esteem or psychological problems, this becomes a cause of dissatisfaction;
Irritability;
Bad habits and gambling addiction. When men start using alcohol or drugs, their behavior changes. This is due to the fact that changes occur in the nervous system;
Heredity. Very often men behave the way their fathers behaved.

Resentment and fatigue:

Society, unfortunately, does not accept men who can express resentment and fatigue. When they accumulate negative emotions, they are unable to express them, which results in excessive irritability.
If a man returns home from work and begins to behave aggressively, do not take his anger personally. Do not try to respond to him with malicious remarks, so as not to further inflame negative emotions.
You can ask how your day was at work or how you are feeling. This will allow him to understand that he is not alone with his problems. Often men themselves do not understand why they begin to behave aggressively. After your leading questions, your husband will be able to understand his emotional state and apologize for the inconvenience caused.
When the emotions subside, you can talk to him about not bringing all the negativity home. Discuss rules for behavior at home in case of trouble at work.

Projection:

Quite often, husbands return home and project the behavior of their boss, friend or mother onto their wife. If your husband is calm, he will not respond angrily to a person who has gotten on his nerves. Therefore, he will bring all the anger and negativity home. If you notice that your husband starts yelling when he gets home, don’t take it personally. His anger is not directed at you.
Ask him who caused such a flurry of emotions. When a man tells everything, he will feel better and all the negativity will go away.

Why a man might yell at his wife
Demands for approval and gratitude:

There is a rule in society that a man must take care of the family. Considering that he works for the benefit of his wife and children, it is important for him to hear words of gratitude and recognition . He will not be able to directly ask for this, because he is afraid to show weakness.
Learn to thank your man for providing for your family. Tell him that you love him, even if he is not in the mood. After all, you understand that he is trying for the sake of his family and is getting tired. This will make him feel understood and appreciated. This will not only reduce the degree of anger, but will also push him to new achievements.

Temperament:

If all of the above reasons do not apply, and the husband continues to yell at his wife and child, there is a high probability that the problem lies in his character. It is quite possible that screaming and aggression are a manifestation of his temperament.
It is impossible to help cope with this reason if the man himself does not want to change. If nothing is done about this, the wife and children will develop a victim state. This often leads to divorce.

A man shouts: when is a woman to blame?

Some women, consciously or unconsciously, drive a man out of himself, forcing him to scream. From a psychological point of view, such behavior can be justified either by an emotional need or by a desire to obtain secondary benefits. In the first case, such a woman’s behavior is associated with a lack of emotions, or after a stormy showdown, the couple experiences an equally stormy reconciliation in bed. By causing a man to scream in order to obtain secondary benefits, a woman expects that her husband, having lost his temper, will feel guilty before her, and, in order to make amends, will fulfill any requests.

Sometimes a woman unknowingly provokes a man to scream, because she observed similar relationships between her parents in childhood. At the same time, a husband who grew up in conditions where his father constantly shouted at his mother will subconsciously transfer such relationships into his family, without himself understanding why this happens.

My husband constantly yells at me and the child: what to do, advice from a psychologist

You should immediately understand that it will be difficult to immediately correct the situation. We'll have to be patient. If you try to actively deviate from your previous behavior, this will cause even more aggression and dissatisfaction with your husband.

To prevent the shouting from progressing to the stage of assault, it is necessary to act in stages.

If the husband constantly yells and is dissatisfied with everything, the wife must learn to work on her emotions, because changing the behavior of another person, in this case the husband, will be much more difficult.

If your husband is constantly yelling and being rude, in order to calm the man down, follow these recommendations:

Do not provoke conflict situations.
Don't nag him for not paying attention to you or not bringing in enough money.
Don't raise your voice first. Learn to control your emotions, even if you know you are right.
Treat claims addressed to you calmly. Don't run to do everything your husband wants. And do not try to ignore complaints, so as not to provoke increased claims. Learn to say everything calmly.
In case of conflict situations, speak calmly .
If the man is the only one working in the family, do not force him to do housework. Let him relax in a calm environment after a hard day at work.
Meet a man from work. Prepare dinner in advance, clean the apartment.
Say words of gratitude and praise. Hug your husband often to make him feel cared for and supported.
Analyze your behavior. Perhaps it was your words or actions that caused the scandal.
Don't think that such strained relationships are the norm. Try to develop them and change them for the better.

Try to talk calmly or consult a specialist

If the above recommendations do not give the desired result, contact a specialist. Experienced psychologists, after just a few sessions, will be able to point out the true reason for the husband’s aggressive behavior.

If you only hear insults from your husband, will it be better later?

When a man constantly calls his woman offensive words and finds fault with her for any reason, this does not mean that she is bad and he is trying to correct her.

The reason may not be immediately noticeable, and the woman will never change the way he wants. The couple has been married for several days, but the wife has not gotten any worse, she has children and she takes care of them. In such a situation, the reason lies in the husband himself.

He may be dissatisfied with himself, his own career, salary, and the team may not like him. But he doesn’t want to look for the reason in himself, change himself, correct the situation; it’s much easier to have a blast at home with his wife. A wife can point out to her husband his own mistakes and failures, but there is no way out, you can only aggravate the situation, make him angrier.

There are two steps you can take:

Pack up and leave it
.
Wait until he realizes the reason on his own
. But in this case, you can waste many years to no avail.

If your husband abuses alcohol and becomes cheeky and aggressive after drinking, you don’t need to console yourself that he only does this when he’s drunk. In the future, cases of drunken rudeness will become more frequent and last longer. As a result, they can turn into physical violence, since each time the husband will go further and further in his obscenities. And the reason here is not at all alcohol, it’s just that in a sober state a man can quite keep his emotions and feelings under control.

If he has reached the point where he can humiliate his wife in front of strangers, in front of the children, then the situation will not get better. It is convenient for him to solve his own psychological problems in this way. You will have to either endure it or take radical measures, that is, leave him.

A man wants to feel superior to the victim; if you don’t stop this, you may no longer remember your own name in the future, and he will call you whatever you want, and it’s always offensive. If, when trying to change the situation in this case, the husband does not draw conclusions, there is no need to call him names in response, he will not change.

My husband constantly yells and freaks out: the correct reaction to screams

If constant quarrels have caused poor health or emotional stress for children who constantly watched their parents quarrel, it is likely that your relationship has become “toxic”. Trying to improve them with persuasion, threats or tears is pointless. A person cannot change unless he wants to.
Many families turn to specialists for help to save their family. It can take years to mend relationships. If you are afraid to leave your husband because of financial dependence or attachment, be prepared to suffer for a long time. Only a small percentage of women who suffer from their husband's screams decide to file for divorce.

There are several reasons why wives decide to divorce if the husband constantly yells at his daughter, son, or herself:

depression due to constant stress;
lack of mental strength;
health problems.

All these factors make it impossible to continue saving the marriage. Often, couples who have been married for more than 10-20 years file for divorce.

Some women do not decide to divorce because they do not want to leave their children without a father. However, this may negatively affect the future of children. They will adopt the behavior of their father and mother, and will continue to follow this pattern when they have their own families.
Think about preserving your children's sanity. Don't let them adopt this pattern of behavior in the family.
If you decide to fight for the safety of your family, learn to support your spouse. If you can’t establish relationships on your own, turn to specialists. You may need a non-family relationship psychologist.
Let your spouse first visit a specialist who will help him understand his personal problems.

You have to understand that this is not a healthy relationship.

How to deal with aggression

We often experience bouts of aggression towards people around us. It occurs in response to irritation caused by various reasons. The result of aggression is quarrels and damaged relationships with loved ones. In men it manifests itself more strongly, in women it is much weaker. There are people who cannot start or end the day without having a row with their loved ones.

Psychologists distinguish between natural aggression, which is a personality trait, and situational aggression, which is a person’s response to an unpleasant situation. Each of us has a certain level of aggression: some have more, others less. People who have a high level of aggressiveness are very difficult to communicate with. For a family, such a person is a real punishment: at any moment he is ready to find fault with any little thing, start a quarrel and thereby throw out his irritation. He is like a vampire, feeding on the positive energy of the people around him. But such people achieve more in life than those who have below average aggressiveness. A low level of aggressiveness is characteristic of people who are spineless and incapable of fighting.

Situational aggressiveness does not always arise, but only when the level of irritation goes off scale or in response to threatening circumstances. But whatever the aggressiveness, it is destructive for marital relationships, as it gives rise to frequent quarrels and conflicts. What to do if you are a person of tough character? Are you ready to break down for any reason? Realizing this, are you trying to control yourself? It is impossible to restrain aggressiveness all the time, and it is harmful to health. The causes of many diseases lie in this. Thus, it is necessary to get rid of aggression, but the question arises about acceptable methods.

Passive methods of relieving aggression are suitable not only for women, but also for men.

You feel bad. You are ready to “tear and throw” everything you meet on the way. But stop! Think about what it will be like for the people around you.

Advice for women: speak out, complain and cry. Really, cry! The therapeutic effect of tears can hardly be overestimated. Nature designed us this way: after crying, we feel relief. Tears remove enzymes that accompany stressful conditions, they cleanse the soul and wash away unpleasant experiences.
Talk to your spouse about troubles and problems. At this moment there is no need to ask or give any advice: just talk and listen. This will help you calm down and find solutions to problems.
Do not try to relieve irritation and aggressiveness with alcohol. The consequences can be unpredictable. More often, alcohol weakens self-control and pushes a person to rash and dangerous actions.
Avoid the kitchen and refrigerator if you are in an aggressive state. You will not notice how you will empty all your food supplies. Don't eat your negative emotions. Aggression and unresolved problems will remain, plus extra pounds on the sides.

Active methods of relieving aggression are based on physical activity.

It is known that adrenaline, which causes tension and aggression, is well produced during physical activity. The more work, the harder it is, the better. Having done a good job in the garden or at the dacha, after general cleaning of the house, you will feel peaceful.
Find time to exercise. Those sports that involve confrontation and movement are good (sports games, wrestling, boxing, and so on).
Cyclic sports, which include repeated elementary movements and exercises (walking, light jogging, swimming, walking) are good for health and relieve stress.
Watching television broadcasts of competitions can give vent to aggression. After all, watching the athletes, cheering for them, you experience the same emotions as the athletes. Your muscles involuntarily tense and start working. This is how excess adrenaline is “burned” in the blood.
Hobbies such as fishing, hunting, mushroom picking bring a lot of pleasure and perfectly relieve aggression.
Detective novels and horror films, thrillers, computer games help get rid of aggressiveness.

You can come up with or find dozens of ways to relieve irritation and aggressiveness and thereby protect yourself and your family from unnecessary quarrels.

Advice from a psychologist to a woman whose husband constantly insults, humiliates and even beats her. What should a wife do if her husband insults her in front of the child?

Women often have the question of what to do if their husband constantly insults and humiliates them; the advice of a psychologist in this situation will help to cope with the problem. When getting married, a woman wants to be loved, create comfort in her home, give birth to and raise worthy children. But it happens that a person who was dear yesterday turns out to be a monster, with curses constantly flying from his lips.

The wife feels humiliated, tries to find flaws in herself, eliminate them, treat her husband more kindly, but this does not work. Humiliation and insults continue to pour from his lips, often the situation comes to the point of assault.

She would like to take it and leave, but the children are already growing up in the family, and her husband is still beloved. What to do in such a situation, forgive and wait until he comes to his senses and changes, or pack his things and leave the inhospitable home?

My husband constantly yells: what to do, reviews

Alexandra, 28 years old : Men who cannot show emotions in public often throw out their negativity at home. In our family it is not customary to do this. Before the wedding, my husband and I agreed that we would leave all problems outside the apartment. Therefore, we do not shout at each other, but clarify all misunderstandings in a calm tone.
Renata, 34 years old: When I got married at 20, my husband seemed adequate. However, after 2 years of marriage, he began to constantly yell at me. I tried to calm him down, wrap him in care, etc. Unfortunately, it was never possible to change it. After 2.5 years of marriage, we divorced. Now I have a new family, in which everyone respects each other, and no one raises their voice.
Maria, 40 years old : In our family, which is already 22 years old, it is not customary to shout at each other. We leave all problems that do not concern the family outside the perimeter of the house. In case of misunderstanding, everyone calmly expresses their opinion and a compromise is sought. My husband and I were taught this by our parents, who will soon celebrate their golden wedding.

As you can see, a husband can yell at his wife not only because his feelings are cooling. It is quite possible that he is not going through the best period of his life right now. Envelop him with care, support, and learn to find compromises in the family. This will save your marriage, your psychological health and the peace of mind of your children.

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Husband insults and humiliates his wife in front of children

If a man allows himself to be rude in the presence of children, then there is no time to think about why the husband insults and humiliates his wife. Negativity in the home destroys the child’s psyche and health.

Start by talking to the man about whether he understands that he is ruining the lives of his own children. When such methods are not helpful, it makes sense to consult a psychologist. If psychotherapy is ineffective, there is only one way out - to put an end to the relationship that is destructive for you and your child.