Can't sleep again. Thoughts stubbornly swarm in the brain. My legs are like ice, but I don’t want to cuddle up to my husband. When I'm offended or dissatisfied, I don't want anything at all. It's good that he falls asleep quickly. But then he will start spinning in his sleep and shuddering. What a vacation this is!
If only I could take a little nap...
...The doctor in a white coat leans over my head and says doomedly:
- Well, the diagnosis is clear, my dear! Yes, yes, this is a disease when a wife does not experience her former feelings for her legal spouse. What to do if you don't love your husband? Decide yourself. Treatment or divorce - the choice is yours.
Divorce is unpleasant, but quick and radical. But what will you do then? New search? There is no guarantee that you will not catch this infection again. The disease is slowly becoming an epidemic. Over the many years of marriage, it is a rare wife who has never doubted that she still passionately loves her husband.
The treatment is not easy and requires determination and patience. But if you want to save your family, then everything will work out. You will acquire lasting immunity from this disease yourself and protect your husband from it.
Brrrrr... I'll dream about something like this!
I listen to the snoring under my ear and understand that the doctor from the dream was right: I really don’t love this man anymore and I don’t know what to do with such a bleak fact.
A terrible diagnosis sounds in my head, causing confusion and fear. What if it really is a “disease”?
An incomprehensible sadness that has been creeping up more and more often lately, lethargy and lack of interest... What if these are the signs? Plus feeling unwell, anxiety, insomnia... It looks like I'm actually sick. What to do?
So, you need to Google it! I type into the search:
How to understand that love has passed?
I don't know if I love my husband?
Falling in love and intense feelings go away, relationships between partners change, and conflicts begin to arise more often.
In such a situation, it is difficult to understand whether there is still love between you or whether you are together simply out of habit .
If you want to figure it out, try asking yourself a few questions:
- Are you happy? If you close your attention to some little things, put aside conflicts and listen to yourself, then how will you answer this question? Not when you move to a bigger apartment/your husband changes jobs/you have a child, but right here and now are you happy?
- Are you ready to work on your relationship? It is no secret that a happy marriage is the work of partners on themselves and on their relationships. Do you want to make efforts to get out of a crisis situation? And why haven't you started doing this yet?
- Is there something about your partner that you don't accept in a relationship? He may be drinking too much, not working, or even hitting you. It happens that this is revealed only after several years of marriage. If you categorically don’t like it, then why tolerate it?
- Why did you start dating and get married? Maybe there just wasn’t a suitable couple nearby, and then things somehow got complicated? Or did your relatives constantly pester you? Or are you terribly afraid of loneliness?
- If your partner asks you to break up, how will you feel? Just be honest with yourself. Will you be unhappy? Are you upset? Or will you feel relieved?
Be sure to answer these questions sincerely. Don't lie to yourself. And then you will understand whether you really have fallen out of love with your spouse or whether you are just going through a crisis phase in your relationship that needs to be worked on.
I don't love my husband. What to do? Find out from the video:
The path from “I love” to “I don’t like”
At the very beginning of this path (“I don’t like a loving husband”) the wife began to feel some kind of vague discomfort .
As a rule, this discomfort comes after the wedding has been celebrated. And often, after the birth of a child and the purchase of a home. That is, when there is already a stamp in the passport, everyone knows that this man is yours. And life is good.
But at the same time, cats scratch at my soul. This happens because while life together was settling down, the wife kept her true needs, desires, opinions and boundaries to herself. She was compliant.
Because it seemed to her that she needed to be comfortable, compliant, so that a man would agree to stay with you forever.
But time passed. Your own desires and your own essence are torn out. And then the wife begins to, as they say, “blow her brains out” to her husband and explain what doesn’t suit her, what she wants instead.
But husbands are often deaf and blind to the removal of the brain . They don’t like him, immediately feel bad, guilty and leave such a conversation .
Thus, the wife accumulates resentment because she is not heard or understood. This resentment has an unpleasant property - it accumulates, and does not disappear with the passing of the next PMS, as the man thinks.
At some point, the ultimate disappointment occurs. Such a “point of no return”. Which is experienced by a woman as an understanding that “her husband has become disgusting.” His caresses became unpleasant. It began to seem that he was very bad at dealing with s**t. “Forgot how to do it or something...” she is perplexed. Also, it became unpleasant how he eats, yawns, laughs, his jokes are also disgusting. In general, love leaves.....
What are the reasons for the fading of feelings in marriage?
The crush passed, the romance ended and ordinary life began .
A man no longer strives to surprise and conquer a woman, because she is already his.
And the woman does not have enough attention, but she has a lot of worries around the house, and she herself forgets to charm her man.
Gradually, the spouses begin to spend time together less often, are less interested in each other , and practically do not communicate. The relationship is cooling, the gap between them is growing wider.
Perhaps the man just wants to protect his chosen one from his problems. And a woman encounters indifference or misunderstanding when she herself begins to talk about something.
The main reason for the fading of feelings is the lack of dialogue between spouses and the reluctance to work on the relationship.
Don't expect things to work out on their own . If you ignore the problem, sooner or later a serious conflict will arise. It is better to immediately discuss emerging problems and misunderstandings.
Complete lack of mutual understanding
Loving people try to make concessions to each other. If this statement does not apply to your couple, think about your relationship. How to understand that love for your husband has passed? Mutual understanding is a quality indicator. If it is not there, it means that the partners no longer want to be together. After all, misunderstandings do not appear immediately as soon as a couple is formed. At first, both partners try to understand their other half as best as possible. Then one or both of them get used to the fact that they are together and “relax”, realizing that there is no need to sacrifice anything for the sake of their beloved.
When feelings fade away or disappear altogether, neither of the couple is ready to make concessions if it is unprofitable for him. Remember that a loving person will always try to find a solution and respect the opinion of the other, and not do everything his own way, not paying attention to the opinion of his partner.
Psychology of such relationships
It often happens that for some reason a family is either formed without love, or is forced to continue to exist without it.
Psychologists distinguish two types of such relationships:
- old feelings turned into alienation and indifference. You can often observe mutual reproaches, resentments and showdowns. Everyone is for themselves and lives their own lives. Perhaps there is even a rude attitude or betrayal. Spouses are not comfortable in each other's company;
- the feeling of love left the couple, but grew into respect and mutual understanding. They do not have strong feelings for each other, but they can continue to live together, being interested in each other and communicating. The partners are still comfortable with each other.
How not to fall in love with your boss? Advice from psychologists will help you!
I don't want my man! Reasons and what to do about it? Psychotherapy:
Married without love from the point of view of psychologists
Sometimes it happens that a marital union is created without any feeling of love at all .
For example, a girl became pregnant unplanned or put pressure on her husband. Or the man proposed, and the girl agreed out of fear of loneliness.
It also happens that a girl simply sees a profitable future , because her fiancé does not suffer from poverty. Or a young man proposes because everyone around him says it ’s time to settle down.
From a psychological point of view, marriage not for love, but because “it’s time” or “necessary” usually leads to disappointment.
Without mutual feelings, it is difficult to conduct a dialogue with a partner, sort out relationships and deal with everyday life.
Girls often think that their husband is not going anywhere and that they can turn him around as they please .
Young people feel a loss of freedom; such relationships depress them. Therefore, life together is spent in constant oppression until one of the spouses decides to leave.
Why do feelings fade away?
A man's addiction to alcohol often causes the fading of women's feelings
- Routine, monotony, everyday life.
- A common reason why love may fail is the degradation of the husband due to addiction to alcohol, gambling or drugs.
- Another factor is the disrespectful attitude of the spouse, moral humiliation, and constant reproaches.
- Men's assault turns feelings of love into hate. Although there may be cases when a woman continues to love her offender, no matter what.
- Consequences of husband's betrayal. With his betrayal he kills all love.
- The lack of signs of attention from the husband can dull a woman’s feelings, the man stops kissing and forgets about marital duty.
- The appearance of another man in a woman’s life, new feelings are a strong passion or love, but completely cover the usual attitude towards her spouse.
- Lack of sexual attraction to a partner.
Is it possible to love a second time?
No matter how many years you have been together, you can always freshen up your relationship and fall in love with your partner again.
This can happen as a result of you working together on the relationship or someone else's initiative.
For example, the husband will devote more time to his wife and arrange pleasant surprises.
The wife will begin to take better care of her appearance and will stop reproaching her husband and becoming offended for no reason. And then love will flare up between you again.
How to attract love into your life? You will find practical recommendations on our website.
Married without love? Is it possible to love your husband after marriage? Find out from the video:
How to love your husband again and is it necessary to do it?
Each case is individual. Preserving a family only for the sake of children or common property is not worth it, especially if the husband has become addicted to alcohol or has committed betrayal on his part. But if there are no obvious reasons for separation, if you are still not completely sure that the feelings have completely faded away, it is worth trying to return love.
There is no need to forcefully show tenderness or impose your company on your husband. Be patient. You greeted him with a passionate hug and he pulled you away? He had a hard day at work, and now he just wants to rest. You gave him a compliment and he responded with a barb? Perhaps the husband hears compliments so rarely that he sees a catch in this action.
Return love gradually. Talk more, be interested in your partner’s thoughts and feelings. Invite him to go for a walk on his day off, plan a joint vacation. Gradually, you will feel that your spouse has again begun to evoke tenderness, and the hours spent together begin to bring joy.
What should I do to get my feelings back?
How to love your husband or wife again? If you don't want to give up and are determined to bring love back into your relationship, then try the following:
- Remember why you are with this person. How did your relationship begin?
What exactly attracted you to your partner? Try to recreate how you felt on your first date or the first time he held your hand. What about the first kiss and long walks? Just don’t compare how it was then and how it is now. Just enjoy the memories, they will help you get into the right mood. - Talk to your partner. Open up to him, tell him that your feelings have faded. But what you need now is not a showdown and a scandal, but a calm, constructive dialogue. Tell us what you are missing and decide together with your spouse how you can fix it.
- Accept each other. There are no perfect people. But when the feelings go away, we increasingly see negative sides in our partner. Think about what exactly you don’t like; perhaps you are too critical. Is there something we should close our eyes to? Try to focus more often on exactly what you value in your spouse and what you are grateful for. And another important point that many couples forget about: if something in your partner really irritates you, tell him about it. Calmly discuss this point and most likely you will be able to reach some kind of compromise.
- Try something new. Sometimes it’s not enough to remember the past and you want some kind of freshness in your relationship. Try going somewhere you haven't been before. Spend an evening together in something unusual. Come up with new traditions. Surprise each other.
- Understand that change is normal. You can often hear: “You are not the man I married!”
Or “You have changed a lot, I don’t recognize you anymore!” Understand that it is much worse if a person does not change for many years and remains the same. People must develop. - Take a break. There is nothing wrong. If you see each other every day, spend weekends and vacations together, then you simply do not have time to miss each other. It's okay if you're a little tired of each other. To begin with, try to at least spend a day off separately from each other. In the future, you will need to get used to the fact that spending time apart is sometimes even useful. It can also bring fresh feelings into the relationship.
How to cope with the death of your beloved husband? Read about it here.
Why did you lose love for your husband? 8 probable reasons
People fall in love, get married, and then suddenly the love fades. A once dear and close person seems like a stranger, why does this happen. Why does love for my husband go away? Psychologists name several different reasons. Many of them are associated with certain stages of life.
Reason #1 . People get to know each other better and become disappointed. The further the relationship develops after marriage, the more the woman sees shortcomings in her beloved. If the first year passes “captivated” by vivid feelings and emotions. Then on the second day, irritation begins because the spouse does not help, throws things around, earns little, etc. In the third year, scandals often begin. Spouses cannot always resolve their relationship and get divorced.
Reason #2. Frequent quarrels and resentments. When people constantly quarrel, they quickly get tired of each other. In addition, during scandals, husband and wife often insult or humiliate each other. It is unlikely that such behavior will help strengthen the relationship. Although it is said that loved ones scold - they only amuse themselves, quarrels always leave an unpleasant mark on the soul. If they are repeated constantly, one day even the greatest and brightest feelings will cool down.
Expert advice on how to live with someone you don't love?
You can often observe situations where there is no love left, but you need to live together.
What to do in this case? How to learn to live without love:
- Firstly, try not to start empty quarrels. Who needs it? Constant showdowns will only spoil everyone's mood. Therefore, before starting another conversation with a claim, you should think several times: is it worth it?
- secondly, treat your partner with respect. Be that as it may, he once meant a lot to you, didn’t he?
- third, talk to your spouse. For cleanliness. Explain everything as it is. It will be better if even in such a situation you are honest. Think together about how you can move on and avoid uncomfortable situations. This will also help avoid scandals in the future;
- Fourth, be understanding. You may have fallen out of love with your spouse, but he could still have feelings? Do not play with them under any circumstances;
- fifthly, do not try to hurt a person on purpose and do not provoke him to make a decision to break off the relationship.
It happens that one of the spouses does not want to take responsibility and tries to make the partner break off the relationship. Decide for yourself whether you want to live with this person. If not, then find the strength within yourself to finish it all.
Is it worth living in an unhappy marriage for the sake of children? Psychologist's opinion:
Marriage of convenience
