Ideal relationships only exist in fairy tales. But even there, during a period of family crisis, against the background of regular quarrels and insults, such a phenomenon as female infidelity often arises. It can be triggered by a lack of sex or its inferiority, a drop in interest in each other, a decrease in trust, or simply a genetic predisposition of the female sex to weakness in the form of trips to the left.
But how can you find out whether your wife was unfaithful with 100 percent accuracy, without making a mess and thereby destroying the family idyll? In fact, all the signs of female infidelity are purely indirect and may indicate problems of a completely different nature that have nothing to do with betrayal. Next on the blog, we’ll look at working ways to recognize a vile cheater in your woman, and also give a number of useful tips that will help you get rid of painful thoughts once and for all and start living with calm nerves.
Why do women get jealous?
It happens that women are very often jealous for no reason, thereby offending the feelings of their chosen one. This may be due to low self-esteem or bad experiences from past relationships. When meeting a handsome man with an ideal appearance, a girl does not believe until the very end that she was lucky enough to capture his attention and often sees every friend and acquaintance as a competitor. In this case, you need to start not by checking the guy, but by increasing your self-esteem. You need to learn to love and appreciate yourself, celebrate your best sides both in appearance and in character. And under no circumstances should you talk to your partner about your complexes, constantly lowering your own bar. After all, with this you can really convince him that he made an unworthy choice and that he should take a closer look at those around him. Believe me, most often your shortcomings exist only in your imagination. Learn to turn them into advantages and give your partner happiness in a fulfilling relationship. Make him unravel and recognize you, intrigue and give him the opportunity to pursue you, such a hunter's instinct will keep your feelings in good shape, and your loved one will definitely not be scattered with other women. Having the bitter experience of breaking up due to the betrayal of your significant other, you should not now treat all men with caution and suspicion. New partners do not have to be responsible for other people’s mistakes and have the right to count on respect and trust in the couple. Therefore, you can simply warn about why you broke up with your ex, explaining that the very fact of betrayal is very painful for you and absolutely unacceptable. If a new partner loves you and values your relationship, he will try to completely protect you from worries, constantly proving his love and loyalty to you.
When to suspect cheating
But if you begin to notice changes in your man’s behavior and communication that you had not previously noticed in him, then you should be seriously wary.
- What may indicate new acquaintances on the side:
- excessive attention to one’s own appearance - the desire to lose weight and pump up, changing the style of clothing, haircut, perfume scent, etc.;
- some isolation in communication, detachment and coldness in relationships, decreased attention to family issues and raising children;
- planning a vacation separately, although you have always vacationed with your family before;
- a change in attitude towards your actions - an indifferent ostentatious perception or a quick temper over any trifles will equally indicate that he is not comfortable and not interested in you;
- Frequently staying late at work or going on business trips. You should be especially wary of business trips that fall on holidays and weekends;
- an increase in his expenses without visible purchases;
- cooling in bed or new preferences in caresses and positions, etc.
If you notice a couple of such changes in your partner's behavior, you should not immediately sound the alarm. It is quite possible that he is stuck at work or simply has entered a new stage in your relationship. And then any suspicions on your part will only worsen the situation. The best option would be your understanding and support, trust and love with which you surround him in your home. But if you are painfully familiar with more than half of these changes in the behavior of your chosen one, then it’s time to clarify the situation with the help of a test of fidelity.
By SMS
This option is suitable for couples who are at a distance from each other. For example, a husband goes on a shift, a loved one studies in another city, partners spend their holidays apart. You'll have to buy a new number and write SMS from it on behalf of another girl (fake).
You can check a guy’s fidelity from a distance via SMS like this:
- Write to the guy that you want to meet him. Explain that you got his number from mutual friends.
- Tell him that you have been watching him from the side for a long time. For example, you study in the same stream at the university and work in neighboring offices.
- When a guy takes the bait and allows himself to make contact with a stranger, do not delay the conversation.
- Ask if he has a girlfriend. If he answers truthfully, praise your lover. But keep the conversation going.
- Offer to meet to get to know each other better. You can use more explicit language and hint at sex.
- If the guy agrees, arrange a date.
Then act according to the circumstances. You can confess to your failed lover who corresponded with him, or go up to the meeting at the appointed time and cause a scandal. Or forget about checking and try to improve your relationship with your loved one.
Don't send voicemails to a guy if you're checking him out. He will quickly understand who is talking to him, especially if you have been together for a long time.
How to find out if your loved one is capable of cheating
In fact, whether your partner is prone to cheating or not is indicated by many features of his character and behavior, which are worth paying attention to even at the dating stage.
- Guys with the following qualities can hurt you by betraying your love:
- pronounced egoists are a kind of “Narcissist” who do everything in life for their own good and for their own pleasure. Such a man does not care at all about your feelings, and he will easily follow his, albeit not very plausible, desires, calmly stepping over your tears and insults;
- disrespectful attitude towards the mother - by speaking rudely about the woman who gave birth and raised him, without listening to her advice and not attaching importance to her opinion, he, in fact, shows what kind of attitude awaits you in the future. And believe me, your suffering about fidelity will be of least interest to him;
- low self-esteem - this factor, although it is radically opposite to the narcissism of an egoist, can also play a bad joke. Very often, such men look for ways to assert themselves and easily respond to any flirtation of a more beautiful and successful partner;
- a tendency to flirt and a desire to be the center of attention. Having assessed your boyfriend’s behavior towards familiar and unfamiliar girls in your presence, it will not be difficult for you to predict the development of events if they met in private - no one will remember you there;
- excessive attention to appearance and clothing - such a partner will select a wardrobe from the list to attract more female attention to his person and win more women’s hearts. Do you need to be one of this list?
What to do if your chosen one has a couple of these qualities? It’s better to immediately ask your partner about his attitude towards cheating. And don’t listen so much to the answers (don’t expect that they will openly tell you the truth), but watch the reaction. Calmness and looking straight into the eyes will indicate your partner’s honesty, but his forced laughter, darting glances, and active gestures will reveal his excitement and desire to hide the truth from you.
How to understand that your husband is cheating and deceiving
Observation and a sober mind will help you get to the truth. A woman needs to decide in advance what will happen if the fact of infidelity suddenly comes to light: it is difficult to pretend that nothing is known, it is pointless to swear, not all wives plan to get a divorce. But if suspicions interfere with a normal life, the imagination pictures the husband hugging another girl, an investigation will have to be carried out.
Signs of a cheating husband's behavior
The first indicator of adultery is sudden noticeable changes in behavior. An enthusiastic man is busy with fantasies, dreams, reveling in dreams.
The usual way of life, which interferes with romantic sighing, weighs down the guy, irritates him, and is perceived negatively.
- Life is Beautiful. The morning of a man in love is painted with rainbow colors and magical sparkles. The husband immediately jumps out of bed at the first sound of the alarm clock, fakes “shower” roulades, swallows his coffee and breakfast in one gulp and rushes on wings to the place of duty, wanting to quickly meet the object of his affection. If the signs appeared recently, suddenly, without an objective reason (promotion, long-awaited purchase of a car, etc.), it’s worth thinking about.
- Workaholism. Weekends, normal working hours, holidays? I didn't hear! The spouse is ready to “plow” all day long. It happens that behind this there is a change in management, the prospect of taking a lucrative position, a scolding about insufficient enthusiasm for the benefit of the native company, but more often the answer lies elsewhere. An unobtrusive conversation with colleagues and your husband’s boss will help clarify the situation. Special attention to business trips, if they are not required by the position and have not taken place 10 years before today.
- New hobbies. People change their preferences in music, food, and hobbies throughout their lives, but if the husband is a follower of classics, rock, and is a sharp “fan” of chanson and love pop music, this is strange. New words, expressions, jokes - to the treasury of evidence. Feeling sympathy, a person becomes imbued with the hobbies of the chosen one, adopts habits and sayings.
- Call me, call. Getting through to your spouse becomes a problem: the line is busy, “I’m at a meeting,” there’s just no answer (I didn’t hear). At home, the phone does not leave my hands. A man sets a password for his gadget, constantly looks at incoming messages, and spends more time than usual watching news and social networks. He takes the phone to the toilet or shower, gets nervous when his wife or children ask him to use his phone, fearing that the family will see unnecessary information. Email and social networking pages are carefully protected, password-protected, and browser history is cleared.
A simple test to assess the fidelity of your chosen one
An excellent way to objectively assess a guy's behavior and his tendency to cheat is to take a simple test. Provide answers to the following questions:
- Does your guy often leave your side when answering phone calls?
- How often can he be called after hours?
- How does a guy react to other women?
- Are there times when you cannot reach him on the phone?
- How does he feel about making friends with girls?
- How often does he stay late at work or go on business trips or go fishing with friends on the weekend?
- Has something changed radically in his behavior and character?
- Has your intimate life changed?
- Do you often start to quarrel?
- Do you hear compliments addressed to you?
A - no, he always talks in front of me; B – it happens that it goes away, but this is fully explained by poor audibility and the presence of extraneous noise near us; B – very often tries to hide both the caller’s number and the conversation itself from me, running away to another room or locking himself in the bathroom.
A – very rarely, mostly our parents or close friends; B – very rarely colleagues and friends, in the case of real emergency situations and force majeure; B – friends constantly call, forcing you to solve their problems.
A – somehow doesn’t notice them; B – may pay attention if it is one of our mutual friends; B – loves to smile and flirt, give a compliment, arguing this with banal politeness and gallantry.
And - only when he warns - we always know everything about each other; B – this happened a couple of times, but I heard quite convincing arguments that did not make me doubt the reliability; B – from time to time I have to call him through acquaintances and friends or wait for him to show up.
A - his friends are a close-knit “brigade” of guys who have known each other since childhood; B - he can include my close girlfriends or the wives of his friends among his friends, without crossing the permitted boundaries in communication; B - he has girlfriends from his youth, whose friendship he values, and also continues to look for real friends from the opposite sex.
A – he works according to his usual schedule, and prefers to take me with him on vacation; B – even if I have to stay late at the office, he will always find time to warn me and dispel my suspicions; B – I have already begun to get used to his frequent absence, and besides, my questions are increasingly perceived as nagging and lead to quarrels.
A - no, he behaves as usual; B – decided to tighten up his figure and joined the gym; B – changed his haircut and clothing style, arguing that it was fashionable now, although he had not really followed it before.
And - no, we still feel good together; B – sex has become less frequent, but more varied; B - he always has some reason to avoid intimacy.
A - no, we solve all problems in conversation; B - some quarrels have become present in our lives, but they are always followed by reconciliation; B - is critical of everything I do, finds fault with trifles and strives to leave the house at the end of every disagreement.
And yes, he continues to pamper me with his attention; B - you never know his reaction - either everything is very good, then nothing suits him anymore; B - began to notice all the shortcomings, while calmly writing down those that he once considered to be my advantages.
- By counting your answers, you can easily give an objective assessment of your partner’s fidelity:
- the predominance of answer A gives confidence in the sincerity of the partner’s feelings and his reliability;
- more answers B serves as a warning - someone has either already interested your boyfriend, or he is just bored with you. Draw the right conclusions to maintain relationships;
- a large number of answers B indicates that another woman has appeared in your man’s life. And now it’s only in your hands to change his attitude towards you and return your spouse to the family, or to get to the bottom of the truth, risking losing your loved one forever.
TOP 5 ways to test a guy's fidelity
To be absolutely sure of his infidelity and get carte blanche from irrefutable evidence, you can use several verification methods.
Fake VK account
If your partner is on social networks, then you can check his fidelity by creating a fake account. The main thing here is not to get burned by the lack of posts and friends, sowing suspicions in his soul about the reality of his interlocutor. It’s better to wait a month, actively filling your new page with photos and materials, making numerous friends (invite everyone - on social networks they very rarely specify the level of acquaintance and easily confirm a friend request). After preparing your account, start following your husband’s page on VKontakte, Instagram, Facebook, like or leave minor comments. Next, start making non-forced acquaintances, offering the guy a new level of relationship with each new communication. If your boyfriend immediately tells you that a certain girl is stalking him online, you can rest easy, such an honest partner will not sneak around to the left. If he remains silent even after he arranges a meeting, the decision is yours alone. In any case, to dot the i’s, you will have to go on this date and convict your boyfriend of his ability to cheat.
Straight Talk
The most honest test would be to discuss the issue of fidelity. True, when asking questions directly, you should not count on utmost honesty. Therefore, it is better to explore the situation by raising other topics. You can ask questions about his former relationship: Why did you break up? Was there love? Were there any betrayals? Could he have cheated on his ex while they were still together? How would you react to her betrayal? By talking about the past, a guy can relax and tell you some secrets that will indicate his attitude towards fidelity in general. So, if dating and flirting with another girl is unacceptable for him until the previous relationship is officially broken, it means that such a partner will please you with his honest behavior and fidelity. If the phrase slips through that there were betrayals, but the former chosen one is to blame for this, then you should think about whether you need such a guy and whether you can be confident in his reliability.
Studying the phone and computer history
Immediately remove suspicion from those partners who do not set passwords and do not block access to their gadgets. This can well be regarded as their trust in you and the fact that they have nothing to hide. By delving into your loved one’s calls, checking his correspondence and looking at the sites he most often visits, you can determine whether he is so passionate about a relationship with you. You can also check which numbers he calls most often or who constantly calls him. It will not be difficult to recognize the subscriber by dialing the number of interest from another phone - this way you will at least find out whether “Pavel Rabota” is the owner of an exciting female voice. But when doing such a check, you need to remember to be careful. And yet, it wouldn’t hurt to put yourself in your partner’s shoes – how much would you like the invasion of your personal territory in the form of checking your phone and other gadgets.
Mock test
To test fidelity, some also ask girlfriends or even hire actresses to create spicy situations that involve cheating. Of course, you can think through the whole plot - from dating, flirting and moving on to active enticing actions, and even raise money to pay for the services of professional seductresses. But no one will give you guarantees that the relationship will be maintained after your verification plan is revealed. Firstly , the seductress can simply take your boyfriend away. Secondly , a partner humiliated by mistrust will probably want to end any relationship with you.
Private detectives
Wives often resort to this kind of checks, trying to obtain real evidence of their husbands’ betrayal and infidelity. Qualified specialists, for very good money, will quickly bring your spouse to clean water and provide you with photos and video recordings of his adventures on the side.
On VKontakte from a fake page
To check a guy’s fidelity by correspondence on VK, Instagram, WhatsApp, you need to create a fake page on a social network or messenger. Prepare to communicate with your loved one in advance, make a couple of dozen “friends”, fill an album with photos from the Internet, write posts, join groups that are interesting to the alleged liar. A blank page and a new account can alert a partner and suggest fraud.
You can check a guy’s loyalty on VKontakte using this correspondence model:
- When the “fake” girl’s profile is filled with friends, photos, videos from YouTube, gradually get closer to the guy. Put a class under his pictures and statuses.
- Offer friendship.
- Once approved, write a humble “Hello.” If he doesn’t respond the first time, don’t insist and calm down, your man is not dating online.
- If the answer is received quickly, start actively communicating, flirt and monitor the reaction to vulgarities, intimate offers, sent porn.
- Invite the potential cheater to a meeting. If he agrees, admit that you were testing him and break off the relationship. There will be no need to talk here.
Which methods are doomed to fail from the start?
A woman's fantasy, fueled by jealousy, has no boundaries. Therefore, women are constantly coming up with new ways to test a man for jealousy. At the same time, there are several initially disastrous options that not only will not help strengthen the relationship, but will completely destroy it. These methods include:
- persistent calls and the desire to constantly monitor every step of the partner;
- an abrupt cessation of communication in the hope that the guy will come to his senses and understand what he is losing. In such cases, men perceive their partner’s actions as a desire to end the relationship or as evidence that they have found another love;
- making inquiries about the whereabouts, plans and capabilities of a loved one from those around him - friends, relatives, colleagues.
In any case, you need to understand that healthy harmonious relationships do not need testing. Love, respect and trust for each other initially reign there. If doubts about your partner’s fidelity begin to creep in, and you begin to notice that you are turning into a notoriously jealous person, you need to immediately think about whether this person is really that valuable to you and what he can give you in the future. Based on this, draw your conclusions, love and be loved, change yourself and help your partner - build your love together, where there is no place for betrayal and deception.
Reasons for male infidelity
Only complete womanizers cheat without reason, with whom either those who are ready to turn a blind eye to infidelity or too naive women connect their fate. In other cases, after decades of marriage, wives themselves can become the reason for the cooling of passion. After all, marriage is a constant work on oneself and relationships. The strength of the union and the monogamy of a man completely depend on the woman, on her wisdom and experience. And no matter how unpleasant it may sound, you need to know the provoking factors and be on alert:
- Routine and fatigue. A husband is not an addition to the family; he does not become property after being registered at the registry office. This is a living person with his own shortcomings, emotions and desires. Often, especially after the birth of a child, a wife distances herself from her husband, turning him into an addition to the budget, forgetting about the need to be desired. In more than half of the cases, during the maternity period, men stare at the young and carefree, relaxing in fleeting affairs and replenishing their sexual dissatisfaction in them.
- Frequent business trips. A job that involves constant travel tests a couple. Men cannot live without sexual intercourse for long, and the more often and longer the absences occur, especially to the same places, the higher the chance of ceasing to be the only one. The only exceptions can be considered workers of drilling wells, who fly to uninhabited places, contacting only male colleagues for months at a time. But this is more due to lack of opportunity.
- Wild life. In a couple where the man freely enjoys gatherings with friends in the evenings, often drinks or has other bad habits, cheating is only a matter of time.
- Lack of variety. Differences in sexual temperament cannot but be a problem. If a wife has enough sex once a week and according to a monotonous program, and her husband wants new positions, toys and role-playing games, then, having not received what he wanted on the marital bed, go elsewhere.