Shyness is an explosive mixture of various unfavorable components of the inner world. A shy person is shy, indecisive, fearful. She is covered by a spectrum of negative experiences: fear, shame, ideas about her own inferiority.
Shyness controls a person's thinking and behavior, forcing them to avoid situations in which tension and awkwardness are likely to arise. A shy person is constrained and withdrawn. He cannot be active and active, deprived of the opportunity to feel the fullness of the colors of life. Shyness prevents you from developing and achieving success in your professional field. A timid subject is cautious in his statements and indecisive in his actions. He is unable to defend his point of view and rarely asserts his rights.
Shyness hinders the construction of a happy and harmonious personal life. A fearful person experiences embarrassment and awkwardness in the presence of other people. Often, hypertrophied shyness makes it completely impossible for the individual to fully function in society, rewarding with obsessive fear, irrational anxiety, and anticipation of imminent misfortune.
Learn to be brave
Shyness is the exact opposite of confidence. So, if you strive to be a confident person, then you must have the determination to do what you are afraid of. For example, giving a speech in front of a large audience. However, before you do this, you need to set yourself up properly, encourage yourself, tell yourself: “I will do it.” This will help you be more courageous and confident. The more often you try to deal with your shortcomings, the closer you become to your goal - to stop being a shy person.
general characteristics
Closedness characterizes the severity of a person’s communication skills.
It is the opposite of sociability and is often assessed as a negative quality. It is more difficult for closed people to make acquaintances, maintain friendships and business connections, and socialize. Children who tend to avoid social contacts often do not have time to master the school curriculum, intellectually lag behind their peers, and are more prone to aggression. The basis for this is negative self-perception, exaggeration of possible failures, inhibition of activity. It is a common belief that lack of sociability is always experienced by a person as a serious problem. However, in practice, various options are possible. Isolation is a cause for concern if it arose as a result of internal confrontation - fear, uncertainty, lack of communication experience. Then the general orientation of the individual toward relationships remains, but there is no courage or skill to become open and sociable.
Another option is when a person is closed and focused on the inner world - on emotions, fantasies, ideas. Isolation does not bother him; life is interesting and filled with experiences. They say about such people that they know how to enjoy solitude. They enjoy reading books, watching movies, and playing computer games. Many people actively communicate in the virtual space – on thematic forums and chat rooms. Such interaction does not require emotional involvement or the use of non-verbal means (facial expressions, gestures, intonations), and therefore is more attractive to reserved individuals.
Relationships between people are changeable; successful socialization requires the manifestation of both sociability and isolation. Openness and talkativeness help to establish contacts, fulfillment in the professional sphere, and informal interactions such as friendship. Closedness allows you to pay attention to your internal state, protect yourself from ineffective and unpleasant communication, and recover faster from emotional and stressful stress.
Don't be afraid to talk to others
Practice, practice and only practice. Talk to other people over a glass of wine or just a cup of coffee or tea. Ask the person what brought him to this place, to this event. If he keeps up the conversation, ask him to tell you a little about himself: what he does in life, what he is interested in, what he likes and what he doesn’t.
The interlocutor will feel that you are interested in him, and this will endear him to you. Communicate with others as often as possible, do not hesitate to make new acquaintances, and after a while you will notice how your shyness begins to evaporate.
How to relieve muscle tension during neurosis with massage
A nervous disorder requires careful treatment, so the massage should not be intense. Light rubbing and kneading is enough. The main focus is on the area of the neck, shoulders and head, since it is there that muscle tension during neurosis manifests itself most clearly. Acupressure techniques also have a relaxing effect.
The massage therapist works the tense muscles of the shoulders and neck, gradually moving up to the head, then acts on points located at the temples, in the area of the eye sockets, and on the forehead. The massage ends with circular movements of the hands over the scalp. The patient's discomfort during the procedure is a signal to stop it. The relaxing effect of a massage is enhanced when combined with a calm environment, quiet music and pleasant aromas.
Patients can learn self-massage and acupressure techniques to help themselves at home when attacks of neurosis occur.
Fight your shyness every day
Here's what helps me fight shyness every day:
- Don't be afraid of rejection . If a complete stranger or even an acquaintance refuses you something, then think about it, is it really that scary and have you lost something?
- Stop beating yourself up and imagining the worst. In your own head you are in captivity, from which no one can get you out except yourself. If you belittle yourself in every possible way, you will soon believe it yourself and begin to behave accordingly. It will be enough for other people to simply look into your eyes to understand everything: in front of them is an extremely insecure person.
- Remember that no one is perfect . Other people have exactly the same shortcomings and problems as you. No, I don’t encourage you to rejoice in the fact that “others are no better,” just understand that everyone experiences exactly the same as you. And most people have absolutely no time to think about you.
- Inhale and exhale. Everything will be OK .
How to loosen up and stop being shy: tips for special cases
There are many situations when people feel embarrassed. They can be combined into several groups. Right now we’ll figure out how to overcome embarrassment and uncertainty in specific life situations!
Fear of public speaking in front of people
Many people are afraid of public speaking, I am one of them! This is a situation where you are standing in front of an audience of people looking you up and down, listening to what you say or sing. Here, fear may be associated with poorly learned material, uncertainty about one’s appearance, or the presence of a large number of people. What to do about it?
Advice: Before the performance, learn the part, report, speech well so that you can start confidently. A confident start gives a boost to the entire performance. Think in advance about what you will wear, what kind of makeup and hairstyle you will wear, what shoes and accessories you will wear. Before the performance, tell yourself: “I am irresistible! I will succeed!"
For men, the preparation for speaking in front of an audience is different. They don’t stand in front of a mirror for an hour, but they repeat and structure the material. Therefore, it is important for all speakers to have 10 to 30 minutes of reserve before going on stage.
It won't hurt to go to the toilet and drink water on time. First, you distract your body from stress. Secondly, prevent unexpected physiological manifestations of anxiety - a dry throat and the desire to defecate.
Shyness in front of the opposite sex
There are many reasons for this, the fear of unrequited love manifests itself here, because it is very difficult to stop loving a person who does not love you. There is also a fear of your shortcomings, non-acceptance of your physical forms, embarrassment to expose your body in front of a man, fear of losing the guy you are dating.
Advice: If you have a problem with presenting yourself to the opposite sex (either you throw yourself at everyone’s neck, or you’ve been a nun for…eleven years), decide what is most important to you in a relationship. For example, when all you care about is having successful sex, then why exhaust yourself with shyness? One spark is enough and the goal in bed is achieved.
Shyness in front of the opposite sex goes away by itself with complete acceptance, love and trust of a man and woman. If you are embarrassed by your husband in bed, try to figure out why. Perhaps he reproaches you for not meeting the model parameters? Or do you have some kind of scar, wear glasses or braces that interfere with intimacy?
You can overcome shyness by focusing on others, on your strengths. In bed with your loved one, it is important to forget about your shortcomings and behave confidently. Then this confidence will inspire the person next to you.
Girl is shy of a man in bed
Not accepting your appearance
This is a deep problem, and a personal consultation with a psychologist would be helpful, but I will try to “point my finger in the sky” by giving advice on how to accept yourself. Teenagers often and often feel embarrassed about their appearance among their friends and classmates. And this is normal, hormone imbalance and uneven maturation take their toll.
But if a mature, adult person does not accept his reflection in the mirror, the reason is hidden in some traumatic event. This manifests itself in a reluctance to be photographed, to look in the mirror, denial of compliments, disgust from one’s voice, one’s thinness or fatness.
Advice: Let’s turn to your mission in life; you can read more about it in this article. You live for something and for some reason you have poor eyesight, protruding ears or a large forehead. Your appearance does not depend on you!
BUT if it really annoys you, change what you can change: wear contacts instead of glasses (but I wouldn’t rush, because now glasses are in trend!), straighten your teeth, cut your bangs, go to the gym so as not to be embarrassed about your weight and your breasts that sag after childbirth (special exercises will help return to their former shape!).
I once read a very good prayer, it is now used in wishes, various philosophical memes: “Lord, give me strength to change what I can change, patience to accept what I cannot change, and wisdom to distinguish one from the other. Nice phrase!
Shyness in children - good or bad?
I have met children who are like a tank on the way to the goal, and some are terribly shy. We will not analyze the first case, but in the second, should parents sound the alarm? I have been approached more than once with the problem of how to help a child stop being shy.
Advice: Watch your words, how often do you say “aren’t you ashamed?”, “you should be ashamed here”, “I’m ashamed of you”... With these phrases we set the tone for embarrassment and shyness. Think about it…
Developmental psychology and child-parent relationships are separate topics. But it is easier to overcome shyness in a child under 6 years of age than in an older age. Preschoolers will be helped in this matter by fairy tales like “How the Baby Elephant Stopped Being Shy.” But shy schoolchildren need more praise and support.
Any failure is a wonderful lesson
Shyness is something that many people suffer from, myself included. I believe that our upbringing and environment play a big role here. Don't be afraid of what other people will think of you. You don't have to make a big deal about it, you have to be able to take risks. Don't worry about someone making fun of you. Every failure, every failure is a wonderful lesson that will help you become more self-confident in the future. And don't forget to remind yourself that you will get through this problem.
The problem of social phobia
We are no longer talking about fleeting attacks of tightness . Our goal is to help those who suffer from severe forms of stiffness. You will learn how to get rid of the internal shackles that prevent you from breathing deeply. Most often, constriction is associated with society. Shy people find it difficult to be in society; outside the home they experience constant discomfort.
Dry and inexorable statistics say that every tenth person is susceptible to social phobia . Such people have to live with a permanent feeling of inferiority associated with the opinions of others.
This often leads to chronic stress. If you are experiencing this, read how to win the fight against stress.
Their self-esteem is tied to other people's perceptions of them. Of course, in their understanding. When in society, those suffering from tightness become nervous, blush, and swallow saliva. They often have difficulty breathing and their speech is slurred. Their imagination paints a picture in which society’s interest in the current situation is directed exclusively at them. Such interest, coupled with confidence in the inability to please people, causes an attack of panic - the greater the more active the interaction of the social phobe with society .
A walk in a crowded place or a trip on public transport is already accompanied by excitement and tightness. The need for public speaking, expressed in any form, even if it is congratulations at a wedding celebration or notifying a driver about a stop, requires enormous efforts from social phobes to smooth out external manifestations of constraint.
This problem is rarely talked about. A person who does not suffer from tightness has no idea what it feels like. Should you shout to the driver to stop or, while standing in line, publicly communicate with the cashier? No big deal. But not for social phobes who suffer from tightness.
Other people don't think about you at all
I'm also a shy girl and I've always wanted to change that. Every time I have to say even a couple of sentences in front of a large group of people, I say to myself:
They are strangers to you, they know absolutely nothing about you. It is unlikely that they will remember your name or recognize you after a couple of days on the street. Even if you do something wrong, they will just laugh and forget about it in a minute.
This may seem too simple and naive, but it really works, at least for me. For example, I don’t speak English very well, but I can focus on the main goal - to convey my idea to people and try not to pay attention to my mistakes.
Behavioral cues
“Withdrawal” does not happen suddenly.
This is the result of a long and unnoticed internal conflict. The child begins to behave differently, signals arise that need to be paid attention to: 1) the teenager comes to his parents less often “just to talk”; 2) interest in hobbies disappears, the teenager may stop participating in a club or section; 3) communication with friends is reduced to a minimum; 4) lack of interest in events in the family; 5) aggressiveness may increase, or the child no longer shows emotions to parents; 6) school performance deteriorates and behavioral difficulties begin.
The sooner the signals are noticed, the easier it is to correct the situation and prevent self-isolation from getting worse.
Shyness is an inner monster
I was also very shy. It felt like there was some evil creature living inside me that wanted to take control of my body and life (it may sound stupid, but it’s true). My main goal was to fight this inner monster every day, that is, I tried to do exactly what he is afraid to do. Of course, I made a lot of mistakes and stumbled a lot before I learned all the rules of the game.
And then the inner monster left my body.
How do you deal with shyness? Share in the comments.
Causes of stiffness
Leg problems grow from negative experiences, most often received in childhood . Rejection by parents, classmates, and teachers rarely leads to the formation of an integral character and a self-sufficient personality. Constant criticism that is poured out on a child almost always leads to the appearance of another squeezed social phobe in society.
An increase in self-confidence received from outside could help the child resist self-consciousness. But instead he receives another bucket of criticism and insults. Children who are not yet capable of strong self-analysis and following psychotherapeutic methods cannot get rid of the problem on their own.
For example, menopause in women is almost always accompanied by stiffness and tightness.
You can acquire tightness even at a very conscious age . Finding himself in a “closed” situation - army, prison, etc. - without developing as a strong personality, a person, in circumstances of continuous negativity, loses himself and his inner freedom. Fortunately, there are ways to positively influence the situation.
Survey
Mild forms of withdrawal do not require special treatment or diagnosis; they are usually successfully compensated for by volitional efforts and the organization of suitable living conditions. A psychological examination or examination by a psychiatrist is necessary in cases where a person’s secrecy seriously interferes with his socialization: visiting an educational institution, place of work, official and unofficial meetings. To determine the severity of shyness and its causes, a group of methods is used:
- Clinical conversation.
During the survey, patients answer briefly, in monosyllables. Their speech is devoid of an emotional component or is dominated by anxiety and a negative attitude towards the examination. Severe mental disorders may be accompanied by a complete inability to establish contact and build a dialogue. Then obtaining clinical information becomes impossible without the participation of relatives or other accompanying persons. - Observation.
Closedness is expressed by the patient’s behavior – his posture, gestures, facial expressions. Characterized by stiffness of movement and general physical tension. The pose is often “closed”: arms crossed on the chest or abdomen, one leg lies on the other (the pelvic area is closed). Patients often use a bag or a folder with papers as a “shield”. Most of them look down or to the side during a conversation, and rarely make eye contact. Emotional reactions are outwardly manifested very weakly or completely absent. - Psychodiagnostic questionnaires.
Special tests are used: “Assessment of the level of sociability” by V.F. Ryakhovsky, methods for diagnosing the communicative attitude of V.V. Boyko, “Personality differential” (Bekhterev Research Institute). The results make it possible to assess communication skills, establish the reasons for secrecy and reticence, and help distinguish situational isolation from psychological, pathological. - Projective techniques.
Drawing methods and situation interpretation tests are used to identify mild forms of communication disorders that cannot be determined through conversation or observation. The data obtained indicate alienation and a person’s preferred role in the group (participant, outside observer). Additionally, the presence of shyness, low self-esteem, and aggressiveness is established.
Psychological tests and questionnaires are used to diagnose the causes of withdrawal.
