How to become tougher in character and more self-confident: useful tips

October 3, 2019
Psychology of Personality
Ekaterina Kirillova

Being tough is much more than just having a strong character. Tough people handle difficult situations by combining strength with grace. They remain positive instead of letting cynicism and frustration consume them, and they are the ones who volunteer to help other people by taking the lead in difficult situations. The question to which the article is devoted is more relevant than ever. Even the fair sex these days are interested in how a girl can become tougher. Therefore, our material will be useful for them too.

Don't understand how to become tougher? We'll explain it to you. Like wisdom, endurance can only be achieved through experience. In fact, every challenge you face gives you a chance to become a better person. The next time you are faced with a difficult obstacle, will you hesitate or decide to be tough?

How to become more confident

Resilience and confidence go hand in hand. Here it is appropriate to talk about what it means to be tough and cruel and how these qualities differ. “Being tough” comes down to making deliberate and sometimes ruthless choices about any given situation.

Self-confidence allows you to make the right choice and make the right decision. Learn to recognize your true views and desires, and not allow yourself to be influenced by other people. Trust yourself to know the right way to handle the situation. This is one of the best tips that can be given in response to the question of how to become more confident.

What kind of tough person is he?

Rigidity of character is a manifestation of personality strengths, such as will and self-control.

A tough person is often a leader by nature.

This quality of character is rarely innate ; it is often formed by life conditions, namely difficulties.

Rigidity means inflexibility and the ability to withstand both external and internal stimuli.

External ones include grievances, insults and oppression. The internal ones include your own weaknesses and desires. Tough is not a complete synonym for strong-willed, but one, as a rule, rarely exists without the other.

Characteristic portrait of a tough man:

Able to quickly navigate difficult situations of choice.
Promotes his opinion and asserts his position on any important issue.
He does not allow himself or his loved ones to be offended.
Able to stand up for himself.
Disciplined, careful, accurate on time.
Responsible for his words and actions.
Can accept responsibility for actions and cope with the consequences with dignity.

These traits form a solid core in a person, which in a number of situations manifests itself as rigidity.

This property can be useful in:

Labor and professional conflicts.
Stressful situations.
Force majeure situations.
Rapidly changing conditions.
Disputes and discussions.
As protective measures against various types of aggression.
In case of emergency, in wartime.

However, rigidity has its downsides . Such a person usually:

Stingy with emotions.
Does not take other people's feelings into account.
Considers being right above all else.
Rarely shows tolerance and democracy.
Pedantic and critical of himself and others.
Quickly “burns out” with prolonged stress exposure.
It is difficult to build friendships and family relationships.

A tough character is manifested by precise and sharp decisions, inflexibility and perseverance under the pressure of circumstances, but this does not always contribute to the harmonious development of the individual.

Don't compare yourself to other people

It's a rabbit hole that many of us fall down again and again, but comparing yourself to others undermines your self-esteem. The next time you are faced with making a decision, look within yourself. Learn to say no. People will respect your opinion more if you say what you really think. Always look them in the eye when you say no so they know you are confident in your decision. This point may be the answer to the question of how to become a tough person.

Look at Confidence Differently

First of all, it is important to learn to look at confidence differently. “Confidence does not mean that you will always be in conflict. You are ready to discuss problems and negotiate. This does not harm anyone, but only benefits everyone. A confident person can remain polite and modest!” Blazinska explains.

You want to work well and be useful? Uncertainty often has a negative impact on an employee's productivity - hesitant to say no to others, he takes on too much work and ends up feeling tired and dissatisfied.

Stay calm under pressure

Do you explode or burst into tears when something makes you angry or upset? Being tough doesn't mean not having emotions, but it does mean controlling them so you can think clearly and make rational decisions. If you tend to overreact to unwanted news, start monitoring your emotional background. Before you do anything, take a deep breath and count to ten. This is a well-known trick to get yourself together, and it really works. After 10 seconds, the first surge of emotions will subside a little. Channel your energy in the right direction instead of throwing it out on other people. Exercising, journaling, and meditation are good ways to give your emotions a positive direction. After you get rid of all unnecessary emotions, you can answer your own question about how to become tougher in character.

How to deal with female manipulation

Girls are masters of manipulation! Either she sweetly flatters, then she stoops to blackmail, then she provokes and leaves you “on the extreme.” This attitude is unacceptable. If she was used to communicating like this before, then it’s time to take up re-education and show that you are not like others. Here are a few techniques on how to dominate in a relationship and respond correctly to manipulation:

Don't get emotional, stay calm and confident, and look straight into her eyes to show her that you're in charge.
Change the topic of conversation if you understand that the girl is smoothly leading to the topic she needs and is going to press for pity or make a scandal.
Ignore the frivolous problems, but don’t ignore the important ones. You are the main person in her life, so you have to find a balance.
If a girl starts to play around and tries to confuse you, talk to her directly: what does she want. Show that you are in charge.
Don't be manipulated by sex and tenderness. She loses just as much from the refusal of intimacy as you do. If this is not the case, then this is another problem, in which it is also important that you be in charge.
Don't go crazy when she openly flatters you. If you're in charge, don't fall for cheap tricks.
Don’t let a girl take the position of a “princess” who is capricious and doesn’t want to do anything. Sometimes a girl supposedly gives leadership, but in fact she simply shifts all the problems onto you, but in key issues he will achieve his goal at any cost. If you are in charge, then this should be in everything.

Don't worry about the little things

If you're interested in getting tough and are committed to it, you can't let disappointing news or negative comments ruin your day. If every little challenge makes you feel like you failed, you won't have the strength to make good choices about bigger issues. How can a man become tougher? First of all, a real man should not be suspicious and give in easily, as well as worry about little things.

Create the desired image and work hard to realize it

It is important not to get hung up on creating the desired image, but simply understand what you are doing. The point is to become who you want, now. If you want to gain self-confidence, become a tough and determined person, you don’t need to wait for some kind of evolution from weak to strong. Make a list of the key qualities for your desired new self—and start putting those qualities into action. If you are not satisfied with your body, start exercising. If you don’t know how to say “no”, we will talk about this in a separate paragraph.

Achieve your goals

Everyone sets goals, but achieving them is a completely different matter. Achieving most goals requires hours of monotonous hard work. If you want to be tough, be prepared to put in the time and effort required to achieve your goals. Break your goals down into manageable steps and set a timetable for completing them. This way you will know exactly what you need to do to get to the finish line. Be relentlessly persistent. If you give up before you reach your goal, you are letting yourself down. Don't let yourself lose interest or get tired of working hard.

Effective organization

People who want to become a good leader must be able to find an approach to the working staff, regardless of whether there are five people under them or a couple of hundred. It is important to be able to convey the essence of actions to the employee as accurately as possible. It would be a good idea to create a company charter with prescribed norms and principles.

Goals and objectives written down on paper have been proven to be more effective than verbal instructions. You can draw up a work plan for each employee in advance and offer group work. You should not introduce innovations into a project when it is at the implementation stage and half finished.

Subordinates will perceive this as a whim and will be disoriented in further actions. A competent manager will need control over the completion of tasks and minor adjustments along the way.

Don't be self-righteous after making mistakes

Mistakes are an inevitable part of life. Tough people use their mistakes as tools to learn how to succeed next time. If you tend to let mistakes get the better of you, or worse, blame someone else for your own mistakes, then you have the wrong attitude towards failure. Try to approach your mistakes differently. Learn to acknowledge them (first of all to yourself). It is a misconception that in order to be tough you must act as if you are always right. In fact, the opposite is true: tough people are willing to admit their mistakes so that they can then correct them.

Useful tips

Have the patience to listen to each employee, even if you fundamentally disagree with him;
By controlling every step of an employee, you automatically cause aggression in him and a reluctance to do anything effectively;
Don't overreact to every mistake made by your subordinates;
Develop positive relationships between all team members;
Strive to learn new things;
Focus on one global goal, breaking it down into several stages, this will make it easier to achieve success;
Get rid of ineffective employees. In a team, everyone must work for results, and the negligence of one person can nullify the efforts of hundreds of people;
Practice leadership skills every day and improve yourself.

Look problems in the eye

Don't try to avoid difficulties by running away or pretending they don't exist. The ability to “face” reality will help you make practical decisions that will ultimately lead to positive change. If you bury your head in the sand, problems will only accumulate. Resist the temptation to ignore problems by indulging in escapist behavior. Drinking alcohol, sitting in front of TV in the evenings, sleepless nights on the Internet, gambling and other similar forms of destructive behavior will distort the view of reality.

Who is better man or woman

Nowadays, both men and women can become leaders. Women directors are tacticians, while men are strategists. It is more difficult for representatives of the fair sex to gain the authority of the team. You will have to prove your professionalism, especially if most of the employees are male.

Men are more stress-resistant. They are not so quick to go to extremes. Nevertheless, women are more attentive to their subordinates.

To clearly answer the question “Who is better?” It’s impossible, because it all depends on the person and his character. Therefore, women and men equally can and should fight for the title “Good Leader”.

Think carefully about your actions

In every situation you face, you have a choice. It is up to you to decide how you will react and what actions you should take. Sometimes the right choice is obvious, and sometimes right and wrong cannot be distinguished from each other. Taking the time to think things through will help you make the right choice. Let's say you receive bad news: you weren't accepted for the job you applied for. What possible ways out of the situation can you name? What is the right way out?

Realize that you have already seduced a woman3

Experienced men only need one glance to understand how to seduce a girl. Of course, this is also a matter of practice, but even a beginner in love affairs should take signals from a lady. If you don't understand very subtle hints, you can start talking to the girl about sex. The more openly she talks to you, the better. You need to come from afar, after all, the phrase “do you like to fuck?” unlikely to be suitable for such a situation. When you realize that a woman wants you, the level of adrenaline in your blood will decide everything for you.

Listen to advice from wise people

It's good to admit that you could use some tips. Other people's opinions can be valuable if you find yourself in a situation you haven't encountered before. Ask people you trust what they would do in your position. Remember, however, that only you can ultimately determine the best course. Other people's opinions are secondary to your own values. Friends and family are good people to confide in when you need to make an important decision. However, don't always follow their advice because people who know you, even if they love you very much, may have a vested interest in your decision. For example, while your mother would prefer you not to move to another city, her advice about which college you should choose may be purely emotional. Seeing a therapist or counselor is a great idea if you think a professional opinion would be helpful.

Dispose of her checks and manipulations.

Why do women do this? Two options.

Good - she tests you for weakness. She does this not to subjugate you, but to make sure that her choice is correct. From time to time, all young ladies do something similar to calm down. If you don't demonstrate your masculinity often enough, she will sometimes check whether the man next to her is strong or if you have relaxed.

Option two - she is manipulating you. Perhaps she is used to acting this way around other men. Or she tested you for weakness, you failed the test, and this option suits her. Such women are accustomed to leading a man; I wrote about this in detail in my article about henpecked men.

And remember that a wise woman will act as the “neck” while you are the “head.” She will obey you in small things and lead you when making important decisions. Don't get caught, she might try to fool you with tricks.

What do we have to do? Show your inner core and prove to her that you are a man.

Don't back down (unless you have to)

Once you have made a decision, stick to it and stay true to your values. The difficult decision is often the least popular, so there will be times when other people will oppose you. Stay strong when others try to destroy you for doing what you think is right. Although there are exceptions to this rule - for example, when you clearly did or are doing wrong. Don't automatically defend yourself if you are accused of being wrong. If you realize that it would have been better to do something different and your choice turned out to be wrong, just admit it.

Work on healthy self-esteem

Because of self-doubt, people give up, retreat and believe only that any conflict or problem is an unsolvable task. Even strong people, who usually have some advantage in the face of difficult tasks and problems, are prone to this behavior. But this advantage is of no use, because you yourself don’t know about it, you don’t see it, and it’s as if it doesn’t exist for you. To learn to assess a given situation correctly, you need healthy self-esteem. No extremes - only adequacy, as close as possible to objectivity.

Keep yourself in good physical shape

Being physically strong and healthy is good for your mind too. If you constantly feel tired and in a bad mood, it will be much more difficult for you to solve problems that arise. Don't neglect your body's health if your goal is to be tough. There are a few simple steps to keep your body healthy:

Get enough sleep. This will keep your body healthy and help you stay alert. The goal is 7-8 hours a day. Make it a priority!
Eat plenty of vegetables and fruits. By making this the basis of your diet, you will get the vitamins and nutrients your mind needs to stay strong.
Exercise. Strength training will keep your body and brain in good shape.
Fight stress. If your world is cluttered with millions of things to do, it will affect your ability to make good decisions.

How to learn to dominate: basic dominant techniques

Start by choosing your own form of dominance. Understand how far you want to go: dominating a woman in communication or in bed is enough for you, or do you want to turn your companion into a convenient tool to satisfy your needs. You may want to settle for less and all that's left is to develop the appropriate habits.

If your goal is global, learn to use the well-known “carrot and stick”: punish a woman for disobedience, reward her for submission. Punishment may include bans on anything, temporary cessation of communication or sex, ignorance, revenge, or deprivation of some privileges.

Remember that not every girl will tolerate this. Another variant:

be softer
more carefully,
more caring
do something good in return.

But if you come across a girl who is knowledgeable in psychology and sees that you are reconfiguring her for yourself, the whole house of cards will collapse.

Learn to be tough and gain strength. You will need to be tough either occasionally or all the time, depending on your strategy. This will require self-confidence and a lot of practice. Other people won't believe in your strength until you believe in it yourself.
Train on random people and isolated cases. Are you able to crush someone with your will and charisma? Do they see your strength and obey it? When you learn to manage people who are higher than you in status, merit, or even just a career ladder, consider that you have learned.
Don't try to do absolute evil. If you only seek to suppress others and establish yourself at their expense, you will be thrown off. It is necessary to give them something positive and desirable, which will prevent them from making an unambiguous decision about you.

Make strong connections with other people

There is power in numbers. It's easier to build a wall around yourself than to reach out and create deep relationships with other people. Earning and maintaining people's trust is no easy feat. It may sound strange, but showing vulnerability in front of others is actually an important part of being tough. Show your family, friends and colleagues that you deserve their trust and love. Answer emails and calls quickly and be there for people when you need it. Take on a leadership role in your community. You can dedicate your time to helping others, coaching a small team - say, at work or at the recreational level. Place a bet in your community!

Strive for a reasonable balance

You shouldn't always refuse to help your colleagues, but it's important to make sure that your own productivity doesn't suffer as a result. “Don’t forget that you are all one team. The main thing is to be realistic about your capabilities. Track your productivity, pay attention to what happens when you take on too many tasks. Think about how you can bring the most value to your company,” recommends Joanna Blazinska.

If you notice that you are being overly compliant, it is important to understand the real reason for these tendencies. Being too soft can create a lot of problems for you in all areas of your life. Don't forget that your health and mental well-being are our top priority. Taking good care of yourself and advocating for yourself will only benefit your relationships with others.

Enrich your spiritual life

An active spiritual life will help you understand what you need when your problems seem to threaten to consume you. Find ways to become more spiritually aware and connected to the rest of the world. Doing yoga, meditating, participating in worship, and spending time in nature are all good ways to enrich yourself spiritually.

Creating favorable working conditions

Rational management of the labor process depends on the use of modern technology. Automation of manual labor can increase a company’s productivity and bring it to a new level of development. You can actively introduce electronic computer technology, as well as modern office equipment. In addition, there are additional tools to improve the work process:

Strict compliance with all sanitary and hygienic standards;
Availability of a workplace for each employee;
Arranging the office space with all necessary furniture and equipment;
Full provision of employees with all office supplies;
Effective organization of work schedule, alternating with rest.

The performance of the team is influenced by many factors: location of the room, lighting, temperature, humidity, etc.

Stay true to your values

Ultimately, being tough comes down to knowing your values and acting on them. Understanding this will help you fend off petty insults and avoid sinking into depression. This will help you understand what is truly important to you and develop a strategy for achieving your goals. This, by the way, is the answer to the question of how to become tough in a relationship. Subordinate your relationship and your partner to your own moral, ethical, life and personal values - and then everything will go like clockwork.

Creating a favorable climate in the team

Many people focus exclusively on their own authority, the desire to demonstrate their “I”.

You should not push your own interests under pressure; it is important to be able to hear your subordinates, since they are capable of generating interesting ideas just as well as a leader.

Listen to the view from the outside, find out more often the point of view of your subordinates. Then they will feel free, will be able to enjoy the work process and will respect their Boss. You can introduce the practice of anonymous writing or the ability to present proposals in electronic format. In this way, it is possible to stimulate the work activity of subordinates and instill in them a desire to work for the benefit of the common cause.

Learn to say no

This last tip is indirectly related to the previous one. Having determined your own life values, goals and desires, you must remove from your life everything that does not correspond to them in order to become truly independent from the world around you and the people around you. If someone asks you to do something that is contrary to your personal principles and interests, refusing is not only the best choice possible, but also your sacred duty. There is no need to adapt to those around you. A tough and self-confident person must force those around him to adapt to himself.

Mastery of the intricacies of the work process

To become a good leader, you need to constantly develop, keep abreast of the latest innovations related to the field of activity in which you are involved.

To do this, you need to attend business trainings, take part in online conferences, watch training videos, be interested in new software products, etc.

An excellent analyst knows how to plan his own day as efficiently as possible and focus employees’ attention on the distribution of working time, increasing labor efficiency. This approach allows you to focus on the work process and effectively organize not only your own work, but also the employees of the enterprise.

Instructions

So, you are internally ready to change, become more mature and serious. You have already determined your life goals and priorities. Now is the time to work on yourself and develop certain character traits.

Appearance

Before we start working on our character, let's start with the simplest thing - image. I suggest you take a short test. Imagine that you have been invited to an interview for a fairly high position in a reputable company. Which image will you choose for yourself?

Ripped jeans, a stretched T-shirt, huge headphones around his neck, multi-colored bracelets on his hands, disheveled hair.
Tracksuit, sneakers, backpack.
A formal suit, carefully cleaned shoes, a neat haircut. Accessories include a watch and a briefcase for papers.

I think the answer is obvious. Although you can argue that a highly qualified professional will be hired in any clothes. Maybe. However, it’s not for nothing that they say that you meet people by their clothes. The first impression of a person is formed based on his appearance. And we must make sure that it is correct. So that when others look at you, they are confident in your seriousness and competence.

So reconsider your wardrobe. Do you even have dress pants, a shirt, a jacket? For girls, this can be a strict office dress. No? Then you must definitely purchase these items of clothing. Already trying them on in the store, you will feel yourself becoming more serious. How your behavior and way of thinking changes.

A business suit does not have to be worn everywhere and always. Choose your look depending on the event. Jeans and a T-shirt can be worn to a meeting with friends or for a walk. And it is best to come to the office and business meetings in a classic suit.

Responsibility

This is one of the most important character traits of a serious person. If you are given an important task, you must do your best and complete it. For example, your boss asked you to make a sales report by tomorrow morning. However, the marketing department provided you with the necessary data too late. In 30 minutes your working day ends.

Of course, you can get up and leave with a clear conscience. We are all people, and everyone has their own personal life. Don't spend the night at this job! But the responsible person will stay late and complete the assignment in order to provide the manager with a high-quality report in the morning. Don’t make excuses and shift the blame to marketers.

The ability to take responsibility is a sign of true maturity.

Punctuality

This point is not only about the ability to not be late, but also about effective time management. Learn to plan your day. In the evening, make a list of things to do and meetings that need to be done. Estimate how much time each item will take. And be sure to add 10-30 minutes for unforeseen circumstances.

Try to follow your list. Then you will be able to clearly say: “I’m afraid I won’t have time to do this today. Let's reschedule until tomorrow." This is much better than promising and not delivering. People around you will begin to treat you with understanding and respect.

Well, modern gadgets will help you wake up on time and remind you of an important meeting. A smartphone will replace your alarm clock and diary, and will remind you in advance of what needs to be done.

Promises

A serious person always keeps his word. Or he doesn't give it. Therefore, before you promise anything, think carefully about whether you can do it. And if you have given your word, then keep it, no matter how difficult it is. Can not? Admit it and swear once and for all to make impossible promises.

Sense of humor

If a person does not have a sense of humor, then he most likely has mental disorders. Serious people have a sophisticated, refined sense of humor. Their jokes are always appropriate. They do not offend or offend anyone. Such a subtle sense of humor is a sign of high intelligence.

A serious person will not show his middle finger behind the manager's back. Or “sort out the dirty laundry” of one of the employees. It's time to leave rude teenage humor in the past.

Self-development

The interests of a serious person coincide with his global goal. For example, if he wants to become a successful businessman, he will read specialized literature, attend trainings and seminars on a topic of interest. That is, do what will benefit him.

Computer games, comics, and watching entertaining videos on YouTube are unlikely to help a serious person achieve his goal. They will only consume his time. It’s another matter if he himself creates games, applications, and runs a useful YouTube channel.

Therefore, spend less time watching TV, social networks and parties. If you can, give it all up altogether. And read more, study, learn new skills.

I have listed the main signs of a serious person. As you can see, carelessness and constant fun have nothing to do with a responsible attitude towards your life. However, you don’t have to be overly important and gloomy.

Why can't you be a strict leader?

Example:

You need to assign a task to a subordinate and set a deadline for completion.

And when the moment comes to agree on deadlines, and you need to ask whether the task will be completed conditionally by Friday, by 17-00.

You need to speak loudly and clearly! Stand in an open position and look your subordinate straight in the eyes! And shut up. And without taking your eyes off, wait for an answer.

But to do this, you need to solve your psychological problems, described here >>>

And a lump comes to your throat, you begin to look away. You begin to “flicker”, you strive to break off contact. Because you have a deep conviction that you are inferior. You are wrong. You are not worthy to lead others.

This belief is not conscious; it has been ingrained in you since childhood. When your parents scolded you as a child, you curled up into a ball, you tried to get out of contact. This conditioned reflex has been preserved. Preserved until adulthood. And in a certain stressful situation, the same feelings of fear and shame and a feeling of inferiority arise in you again.

Remember, at school they took a conditioned reflex. When Pavlov's dogs salivated when they rang. Exactly the same thing is happening to you. A certain neural pattern has formed in your brain. And a signal circulates through it.

It is triggered in a stressful situation. It was formed in childhood, when you were a helpless child. But the same program, like a conditioned reflex, is launched in adulthood. When you are no longer a helpless child. And you can respond to the threat. And bark so hard that everyone around will shut up!

But this doesn't happen. It doesn’t happen because this conditioned reflex is triggered in you. And you react with your body. Your legs will become weak. The diaphragm contracts, you cannot squeeze out a word. And this happens every time. And it's a vicious circle. And with each subsequent such situation, your conviction that you are inferior becomes even stronger. You can't lead. And with each iteration this belief intensifies.

To become stricter with subordinates, you need to remove this feeling of inferiority, this feeling of shame for yourself. How? See below!

Tips for those who want to become a first-class leader

Analyzing the activities of many successful managers, we have compiled recommendations that will help each boss earn authority in the team.

Behave “the right way” from your first day as a manager.
Get to know the team well. Immediately after taking office, familiarize yourself with all the personal files of your employees. Try to remember their names. This way, your subordinates will see that they are not just labor for you, but first and foremost people.
Always be honest and keep your promises.
Discuss the production process in your team more often, let your subordinates express themselves, ask them to take the initiative.
Don't be arrogant, but be a little simpler. After all, the same people work in the team, only one rank lower than you.
Don't scold employees in public. It’s better to reprimand a careless employee in your office.
Praise and encourage staff at general meetings. You will provide incentive to others.
Don't sit idle. A good leader always has a lot to do. Bad directors shift part of their work to subordinates, and then suffer from idleness.
Don't be afraid to lose your position and let talented employees develop.
Control your emotions.
Rate yourself by your worst employee. After all, part of the blame for his failures lies with you. Perhaps you did not motivate him or assigned him a task that was too difficult.
Do not spare money on material incentives for staff. If people do not have an incentive (for example, in the form of bonuses for the highest performance), then they will work half-heartedly and half-heartedly. Remember that average employees work for average salaries.
Learn to resolve any domestic disputes. Do not stand by if a conflict arises in the team. Try to understand the current situation and help resolve it peacefully.
Demand discipline. Use discipline sometimes. The main thing is that your complaints are relevant.
Don't indulge your employees' whims. Behave kindly, but strictly. Otherwise you will be ignored.
Show your competence and do not shift all problems to your subordinates.
Congratulate the team on the holidays, take an interest in the health, family, and children of employees.
Never go to extremes, and assess any situation soberly.
Study psychology and attend psychological trainings. The healthy climate of your team depends on this.
Determine the place of each employee in the team. For example, someone is a generator of ideas, while someone likes monotonous paperwork, and someone is an inspiration.
Don't pick favorites. Try to treat all employees well.