How to become kinder: Freepick Do constant overwork, personal problems and difficult relationships turn into aggression towards the world and towards yourself? Break the vicious circle of negativity, because there are already enough haters. Experienced psychologists share effective tips on how to become kinder and calmer.
Make kindness a habit
Popular blogger Leo Babauta claims that kindness, like any other habit, can be developed by every person. To do this, you need to focus on it every day for a month.
Directed concentration can change your life for the better. This will help you become kinder not only to others, but also to yourself:
- Every morning, think of a good deed and carry it out throughout the day.
- When communicating, be friendly and compassionate, even if the other person is angry, nervous, or irritating.
- Try meditation, use loving-kindness meditation (metta).
In the evening, analyze the past day, celebrate your successes and think about how else you can let goodness into life.
Say no to judgment
Truly kind people are open to different opinions and accept others with their weaknesses and shortcomings. Constant criticism of others only embitters and deprives you of strength.
If you are used to thinking badly about others, you think that there are no worthy people around and everyone is somehow different, try to find the reason in yourself. Remember that:
- Those who criticize and gossip will not be able to move beyond their intentions to become kinder.
- Being kind means thinking well of others.
It is always easier to judge another than to understand. Focus on wanting to help rather than judging anyone, including yourself. Psychologist Natalia Kholodenko reminds us of this.
How to become kinder to yourself and others: 7 tips from a psychologist
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It’s difficult not to succumb to negativity; not to lash out at yourself and others is even more difficult. Together with Leroy Merlin, we talked with Grigory Misyutin, a clinical psychologist, cognitive behavioral therapist, founder of the Grigory Misyutin Psychological Center, and asked him about how to be kinder in these difficult times.
Try to support yourself and others more often. Affirmations come in handy here!
Being supportive means being respectful, giving yourself room for error, and still maintaining critical thinking. That is, noticing what else you can work on. The devaluing phrases that you are used to telling yourself will not help you be effective and improve in achieving a particular goal. For example, the phrases “Oh, I do everything slowly! So I won’t be able to do anything,” they just depress me. And this is where positive affirmations can come in handy, but the point is not in the technique itself, but in its application. Affirmation is just a way to remind yourself of what your goals are and what it takes to get there. Agree, the phrase “Not everything is perfect, but I’m trying, and there’s such a long way to go” sounds better.
In our culture, it is customary to be critical of oneself, cherish pain, and proceed from the motivation to avoid discomfort: “If only they wouldn’t scold you,” “If only they wouldn’t find out.” It is much more important to remember about pleasure, to know that after effort there will be satisfaction. So try, for example, to think of how you will praise yourself after completing a difficult task.
If you take care of yourself enough, you can take care of someone else. By supporting loved ones, we learn to better understand their needs - not only physical, but also emotional. At the same time, the main thing is not to forget that the border of our freedom may intersect with the freedom of others: for example, your support may be forced. Always remember: we cannot force someone to be happy.
Sometimes complete strangers need support, and it only takes a few steps to show it. On the eve of the New Year holidays, Leroy Merlin is launching a charity event together with the DaDobro Foundation - “The magic begins with each of us.” As part of the campaign, you can give New Year's gifts to people who find themselves in difficult life situations.
Spend more time with yourself and your inner child
Each person is a unique fulcrum for himself: we are always close to ourselves and, most often, we understand better than others what we really need. A person is not just intelligent, but also self-sustaining and copes with difficulties. And in order to have a resource for this, you need to find time for yourself. This is especially important when you don't understand what's going on; you get tired quickly; you are irritated - both by yourself and by other people; you live with the feeling that you always don’t have time to do anything and that you don’t have enough time.
At such moments, remember your inner child and make sure that there is enough room in your life for creativity, spontaneity and carelessness. Take a break from adulthood and responsibility. Don't think that this is a waste of time. It's quite the opposite: to be effective not only at work, but also in relationships with other people, you first need to take care of yourself. This is healthy egoism, seasoned with pragmatism.
Write down gratitude and try to see different facets of events
We are all, to one degree or another, experts in the bad, and such practice is training for the brain to notice something good, an opportunity to expand its optics. Yes, bad things will not go away, but it is important to see what else was happening that went unnoticed. Events are multifaceted: even in tragedies you can find a small story of happiness. If only the negative prevails in your optics, you are likely to lose awareness of what is really happening. This will not help you become more resilient and efficient.
You can simply keep gratitude in your head, or you can write it down - so that over time they are not erased from memory, but linger longer.
Follow your values, not the white rabbit
Values are certain fundamental coordinate points, what a person strives for and what he would like to achieve. They help you choose activities and environments. At the same time, on the one hand, values cannot be fully achieved, but on the other hand, they allow the accumulation of positive emotions if a person does something that brings him closer to them. For example, if you strive for freedom and do something for it, you will feel happier, although you may not have complete freedom.
It's one thing to do something mechanically and get paid for it, it's another to engage in projects that our brain recognizes as something significant when there is an emotional response. For motivation, it is important that you enjoy your work, and values allow you to achieve satisfaction from meaningful activities with a greater guarantee.
Leroy Merlin hypermarkets now have special boxes for collecting gifts. Every visitor can become a charity! To do this, just purchase any product from the Leroy Merlin New Year's assortment and put it in the box, which is located behind the checkout line. The boxes will be donated to the DaDobro Foundation - and for each gift, Leroy Merlin will add another gift for home renovation or improvement. And the parcels from the fund will be sent to the families.
Learn not only to give compliments, but also to accept them
We often think critically about ourselves, and a compliment is anti-criticism, which can irritate and seem unnatural. Compliments are about the fact that you have the right to feel good. Thanks to them, you change others and others change you.
If a person believes that he does not deserve compliments, it is important to develop curiosity, flexibility of thinking, and ask himself questions: “What kind of person(s) can I be?”, “How different(es) can I be?” be?”, “How might I be perceived?” And consistently approach the main question: “What am I?” If you find it difficult to accept compliments, just allow yourself to be with this difficult, ambiguous feeling.
It’s probably easier to give compliments to loved ones: you can rely on their credibility. You can voice compliments to support those patterns of behavior that resonate with you, say them not for the sake of flattery, but for benefit. In relation to strangers, a compliment can be started with a polite introduction, which will allow it to be done not as an arrogant and impudent invasion of someone else's space, but as a guest response.
Whether a compliment is a violation of personal space depends on the receiving party. How to feel about meeting people on the street? For some, this is a violation of boundaries, for others it is a manifestation of attention and sympathy. In such matters, you can rely on universal human principles and not switch to an unacceptable form of interaction, when compliments make people feel awkward and other unpleasant emotions.
Live your emotions. Any!
Those emotions that are usually called negative are not actually something bad. It is normal to experience them, because they provide information about what is happening, prepare for action: anxiety - to avoid something, anger - to protect your interests, sadness - to isolate yourself, be alone and reduce your involvement in other activities. If you do not take into account some part of the experience that is in life, if you take into account only the good and consider the rest unpleasant, you will not receive quality information about yourself. A flattering picture leads far from the truth. And this, in turn, will not help you adapt to life circumstances more effectively.
It’s not always possible to experience these emotions in the moment, so it’s worth returning to them later. For example, think about why this or that situation grabbed you emotionally, why someone annoys you, try to construct different options for events: which alternative would upset you more, and which would make you happy, and why.
If you ignore your emotions, this can lead to the accumulation of tension, and this, in turn, can manifest itself in different ways: for example, in the form of fatigue, anxiety and depressive disorders. This can also affect relationships with other people: when a person experiences emotions, they provide information about what is happening to him. If he is angry or upset and you know him well, then you can understand that he probably needs support right now.
Remember that kindness lies in the little things too
Kindness is a broad concept, and if we were to describe a kind person, what would he be like? Fair? Honest? Supportive? Kindness depends on where you direct it. If we take the concept of kindness as a general humanistic value, then it is most likely about caring for oneself and others, helping those who are more vulnerable. Kindness in small things is the skill of noticing what is happening around us, which means taking responsibility for it.
There is no need to make distinctions with whom to be kind: with yourself, with people you know or with people you barely know. Showing kindness to loved ones and trying to be attentive to what happens to them can help improve the quality of relationships. If they receive enough support from you, then surely you will be able to rely on them in the future. As for strangers, you don’t know when you will meet them again - and this is not about being afraid of their vindictiveness, but about the opportunity to start the story with something good and benevolent.
The Leroy Merlin charity event together with the DaDobro Foundation is taking place throughout Russia and will last until December 20. Don’t worry: the gifts will be handed over to families before the New Year.
Made in sold out!
Photo: Shutterstock, in the announcement - SeventyFour / Shutterstock
Show caring and compassion
Let judgment be replaced by care and compassion. Kindness is demonstrated by genuinely caring about others and understanding their needs, desires, hopes and fears. To develop a kind attitude towards others:
- Practice generosity, learn to share without regret.
- Don't ask for anything in return. Good deeds do not imply promises or conditions for the person to whom they are addressed.
- Be compassionate towards others. Remember that other people are experiencing uncertainty, pain, difficulty, sadness, disappointment and loss.
- When performing any action towards another, ask yourself the question “Am I doing a good deed?” If the answer is no, reconsider your intention.
Kindness helps you cope with the negative emotions of others and maintain warm relationships. Care, according to philosopher Anna Kiryanova, prolongs life.
Be lenient
Psychotherapist Andrei Kurpatov reminds us that showing kindness, especially to ourselves, is often hampered by perfectionism, competition, eternal haste and a fast pace of life. If you are afraid of appearing lazy and selfish, you can easily become rigid and forget the importance of kindness. For this reason, it is important to forgive yourself and others.
If you have made a mistake, do not worry and compare yourself with others. Show compassion for yourself and do the same for others. People do most of the things we are unhappy with unintentionally and will act differently if asked to do so.
What prevents a person from being kind?
Unfortunately, not all people can be called kind. Why is this happening? What prevents a person from being kind? Psychologists identify the following reasons for this:
- people tend to compare themselves with others and experience a sense of superiority and arrogance, which interfere with the manifestation of their humanity;
- the self-esteem of most successful people, who could be kinder to others, is inflated, as a result of which they are proud of their successes and do not want to help others become successful;
- wanting to satisfy his own needs, a person ignores the needs and desires of others;
- people are not always willing to offer help to each other, because they do not want to take on extra responsibility;
- members of society view members of their class as competitors.
Learn to listen
Listening is a very valuable skill. During any conversation, try to immerse yourself in it, listen to the person with all your heart, do not interrupt or rush. Self-help author Brian Tracy says this will help you become a good communicator.
The most important act of kindness is listening to others. Empathize with people, even if you can't help them. Often a person needs to have a heart-to-heart talk with him.
Be optimistic
Kindness consists of happiness, joy and gratitude. Blogger Anastacia Kay reminds us how important it is to learn to see the good in people, to believe in humanity and that any difficulties, despair and cruelty can be overcome. In addition, a positive attitude and sense of humor help to calmly accept life's contradictions and difficult moments.
Maintaining optimism can be difficult; looking for the good around you will help:
- Pay attention to positive news and limit your consumption of negative content.
- Learn to enjoy the successes of others.
- Read inspiring books and watch movies about happy people.
Be friendly
Candidate of Psychological Sciences I. G. Doroshina writes that kind people are friendly. They sincerely expect good things from others and know how to win people over. For this it is important:
- To be polite. Politeness is not a sign of kindness, but sincerely expressing this character trait demonstrates respect for the person you are communicating with. This is a great way to grab a person's attention and be heard.
- Monitor your style and manner of communication. Analyze how you behave in certain situations, remember those people with whom you enjoy communicating. Try to become the same easy and pleasant person to communicate with.
- Behave with dignity. Do not be familiar with new acquaintances, but do not ingratiate yourself either.
- Give sincere compliments.
- Smile more and don’t be shy to share positive emotions with the world.
A shy person will have to completely change and become an extrovert, but such simple rules will significantly improve the quality of communication and help you become not only kinder, but also more confident.
What place does kindness have in life?
The actions of any individual are the result of his personal choice, a reflection of his internal attitudes and principles.
Each person has the right to decide for himself what behavior is acceptable to him.
Any situation confronts us with a choice of what to do best. Someone decides to respect their own interests at any cost, while others are guided by considerations of morality and morality.
For some people, kindness is a natural quality that is given to them by nature. In any situation, they act positively automatically, without even assessing the motives for their behavior.
For other people, it is an optional character trait , which is manifested depending on their mood, attitude towards specific people, satisfaction of their own interests, etc.
It is generally accepted that there are more good people in the world than evil ones. This is explained by the fact that kindness gives a person the basic meaning of life.
We get real pleasure when we see someone's joy in response to our generous gift, assistance provided, or good deed.
By helping others, a person learns the meaning of his existence. He understands that his actions are for the benefit of other people. Anger and selfishness only give rise to a constant desire to satisfy one’s own needs, which does not make it possible to receive joy from simple things.
Kindness tends to return to the one who originally showed it.
That is why peace on Earth depends on how positively people treat each other.
So, we help a colleague solve a difficult professional issue, and then, when we ourselves find ourselves in a similar situation, we receive support as gratitude for the previously provided help.
If you are constantly guided by exclusively positive intentions, then you can count on some favor from fate.
Sincere and selfless people are always surrounded only by people with similar life attitudes, since evil and hypocritical individuals simply do not take root in such a circle. Accordingly, having the qualities of a noble person, you can count on having only positive people nearby .
It is important to be able to maintain your position despite all life's adversities and losses. It happens that initially positive people gradually become embittered and intolerant due to constant failures in their personal lives, financial problems, illnesses, etc.
You can maintain a good attitude towards life by constantly working on yourself and avoiding bad thoughts.
Be interested in people
How to become kinder: Freepick
Truly kind people are friendly and open to others not because they need something from them. This is really interesting to them, they want everyone to live happily and harmoniously.
To be kinder, develop an interest in others, pay attention to them:
- Ask people about their business not out of necessity, but sincerely.
- Show interest in hobbies, interests, family.
- Ask about important events in life.
- Don't forget to say good luck before a difficult exam or interview.
- In conversations, focus on the other person, not on yourself.
- Don't use gadgets during a conversation.
- Call your friends just like that.
Andrey Kurpatov reminds you that you shouldn’t try to change those around you. Accept them for who they are, find positive moments in communicating with people.
Who can be called a kind person?
Who is this kind person? Where can I find it? This is the one who will do good deeds, support, protect and not ask for anything in return, the one who does not expect good in response to his actions. Such a person is alien to envy, cruelty and gluttony.
He is always joyful, cheerful and optimistic, as well as generous. A kind person does not enter into conflicts, does not insult the people around him, he is very tolerant and patient. Such a person will never pass by an outstretched hand, will never leave anyone in trouble.
A person is kind not because his upbringing requires it, but because his soul tells him so. If a person does good only because it is accepted in society, or because he wants to appear better in the eyes of others, then this is not good, but only the creation of an illusion, hypocrisy.
Goodness must come from the heart. A good person tries never to do harm to anyone; his conscience does not allow him to do this. Let's look at kind people using literature as an example.
F. M. Dostoevsky showed us a very good example in his novel “ Crime and Punishment ,” the main character of which, Sonya Marmeladova, sacrifices a normal life to save her poor and hungry family. Sofia goes to work at the panel with a yellow ticket, where she sells herself for 30 rubles. She ruined her life to save her family.
For the sake of her alcoholic father, who drank away all the money that Sonya brought in with her hard work, for the sake of her younger brothers and sisters, for the sake of her stepmother, on whose fragile female shoulder family hardships and adversities hung. But the girl did not complain or grieve. She had no idea of blaming her family for anything.
On the contrary, the girl found solace in religion. Moreover, when she met Raskolnikov, she helped him a lot, eased his mental suffering, and showed him the way to get rid of his torment.
It was Sonya who advised Rodion to confess to his crime, and soon went with him to hard labor. Raskolnikov owes his spiritual cleansing to Marmeladova The girl is an absolute example of selflessness, humility and goodwill.
An example to follow is the main character of L.N. Tolstoy’s novel “ War and Peace ” - Maria Bolkonskaya, who constantly endured the rude treatment of her own father, Prince Bolkonsky. The prince treats children very coldly and does not show fatherly affection. Bolkonsky even attacked Mary's religiosity.
The main character spent her entire life caring for her father, indulging in all his whims. She is the only one who remains with Bolkonsky until his death, and accepts his repentance. From this it is clear that Maria is a very kind person, distinguished by her kindness, meekness and ability to forgive insults.
It is thanks to the kindness of such people that the world still holds on. It is important to do good in any situation, because this is what makes us human.
Be grateful
A kind person easily expresses gratitude and always does so. He takes nothing for granted and is grateful for any help. It is important to say thank you from the bottom of your heart, write thank you cards, and not feel embarrassed about the help you receive.
Cultivate gratitude. You can, for example, keep a gratitude diary or every evening remember three things for which you are ready to say thank you on this day to people and life in general.
Attention to acts of kindness addressed to oneself stimulates readiness to reciprocate acts of kindness. Knowing and understanding how a kind attitude feels, you will want to give this feeling to others.
Good deeds
There are a lot of people in the world who do good deeds. A person who has done a good deed will always be remembered and thanked in his soul and in words. Because there are such people in the world, millions of children recover, accidents are avoided, those in need have a roof over their heads, the elderly receive the necessary support and help, animals find homes and loving owners. Good deeds cannot be counted, and a good person is one whose words and deeds are for the good.
Do charity work
One way to show kindness is to donate unwanted personal items to a charity or help those in financial need. Clothes, books, household items - someone will definitely need something that someone else has long ceased to need. Feel free to give things to those who need them more.
Every person wants to live in a good world, surrounded by good people. To achieve this, it is enough to start with yourself and try to give the world and others more positive emotions, care, compassion, acceptance and gratitude. The world will certainly respond in kind.
Original article: https://www.nur.kz/family/self-realization/1586792-kak-stat-dobree-spokoynee/
