How to become a different person in real life - tips for women

When a difficult period happens in life, a bad streak begins and everything does not work out as we would like - a person begins to look for something, often without knowing what. He has difficulty formulating his thoughts, but gradually gains confidence that he is not living his life, not the way he wanted in childhood, and that his aspirations are alien, instilled by those around him, his profession is a boring stay at the workplace from morning until the painfully anticipated evening.

Everything around is gray, gloomy, and he himself is out of place, out of time. When these sensations become especially strong, almost painful, a thought ripens in your head: something needs to be changed. Profession, place of residence, appearance - this, in essence, does not matter; what is important is a deep awareness of the need for change, thanks to which a person becomes ready to bring the idea to life. But few of us know exactly how to change our lives, and what kind of changes will lead to harmony in the soul, but it is disharmony that prevents us from enjoying life.

Comfort zone

The comfort zone is that area of ​​space around a person that gives him a feeling of comfort and stability.

The human psyche is designed in such a way that we:

• We feel best in a familiar environment, where all the stimuli are familiar, and we have long developed options for reacting to them;
• We are afraid of any new stimuli precisely because of the lack of familiar response scenarios.

Wherever we find ourselves, we involuntarily try to transform the space around us, physical and psychological, into a comfort zone in which everything is clear, familiar, and there is nothing atypical or frighteningly new.

Leaving your comfort zone, accidental or intentional, is in any case perceived by the subconscious as stress, and even a conscious desire to change your life will not be easy to implement simply because any change is a violation of the integrity of the comfort zone.

New look

Our character and behavior are greatly influenced by our external image. If you want to change for the better, then you will have to seriously work on your wardrobe.

First, you need to decide what suits you and what doesn't. Because things can look very stylish, high quality and expensive, but are completely unsuitable for you.

Secondly, remember the golden rule - you need to look neat and well-groomed. You may not wear branded or branded items, but your image should look harmonious, neat and tasteful. Search, select, find your colors. Don't use too many accessories. Focus on good shoes. Don't ruin your feet because you don't want to spend money on quality shoes.

On the Internet you can find a huge number of pictures of the combination of various elements of clothing. Don't be lazy and learn. Just go to the store and try on things, how they fit together, how they look together and, most importantly, how they fit on you.

Remember that the compliment should not be the expression: what a beautiful blouse, but - you look great today. When people compliment your clothes, it means the image is not fully developed. You're missing something.

Comfort zone as a battlefield

You should not assume that the comfort zone is an exclusively safe haven for those who like a passive existence within the framework of work and home.

Some people get so used to living in conditions of constant change of place, a kaleidoscope of events and a heap of incredible adventures that it is precisely this state of bedlam, confusion and endless bustle that turns into a comfort zone for them.

Force them to radically change their lives, settle down, start a family and go to work in the office every day - and such adrenaline junkies will quickly become patients of psychologists or give up everything and return to their usual, comfortable existence - into noise, to change.

The same problem is typical for workaholics who literally live for work. Something always falls apart at work, and they feel like the saviors of the world, burning out without noticing.

In order for such people to understand how to change their lives for the better, those around them sometimes have to literally give them ultimatums, knock them out of their comfort zone formed by endless sheets of reports, charts, plans and eternal lack of sleep.

Decide now who you will be tomorrow

Everyone is capable of changing established beliefs and character traits with regular effort. Maybe you have always been shy, but at one point you realized that this was preventing you from achieving something very important. Or you lived aimlessly until chance showed you the need for change.

It's possible. Find something that will push you towards transformation, choose a substitute habit or desired personality quality - and get started. The main thing is not to perceive old attitudes or traits as an integral part of yourself.

Habitual lifestyle or changes

Having made a decision to change our life, we begin to analyze the amount of work ahead, and it may happen that the task, which is growing in complexity before our eyes, seems insurmountable. “It’s too hard”, “too late”, “what if it doesn’t work out” - such doubts and fears are whispered by the subconscious, which protects the psyche from shocks and changes that can throw us out of balance. But we must remember that it is impossible to change life for the better without going beyond your comfort zone.

The beauty of a habitual lifestyle is its predictability. You seem to have already arranged your life, started a family, got a well-paid job, and although your soul strives to get out of a locked cage, you persuade yourself: they say, what don’t I like, how can I change my life for the better, if everything is fine in it?

But happiness is not always measured by the envy of neighbors, success at work or expensive repairs. The soul doesn’t care how much the tapestry-upholstered sofas cost, or how long it took you to achieve your position - if it wants to paint pictures, strives for art and beauty, then you won’t convince it that drawing up contracts in a stuffy office is better and more productive.

WHAT TO DO (BASE):

- You can do nothing and you will change. Which one then! Biohacking for the lazy (this episode would be great too))!

If you do something, the changes will happen faster!

— Healthy lifestyle : Sleep, Sports (2), Nutrition.

The simplest thing is appearance, well, there are sports, presik, proteins, creatines, tests, girls to pump up their butts and all sorts of such tags. Most likely you are aware, although it might be worth doing a “sports biohacking” issue with all sorts of scientific stuff. All these actions will definitely change hormones and neurotransmitters, which obviously affect the psyche and behavior of a person (3, 4).

Another point is the image itself, clothing style, image, etc. Google men's or women's hairstyles, figure out what suits you, what clothes look better. Sometimes you look differently and think differently. And here you don’t have to be an oligarch.

- Words

Pure psychology, another placebo effect. For example, instead of saying “I need”, it’s better to get used to saying: “I want / I can or I decided.” Need transforms into desire, and fear into aggression. An active position in life is more productive than a passive one.

It’s better to generally transform negativity into experience. Instead of thinking “I’m a loser / I’m a loser,” it’s better to tell yourself: “Yes, today I messed up! Yes, today is a failure! But a week ago, in that situation, I was absolutely handsome!” Well, then the standard work on mistakes, think “what needs to be done, what to follow, so that next time you can be cooler!” And you need to do this, and not imagine and “visualize” what you are doing.

- Praise yourself for your efforts

(now we have proofs, since graduation is becoming more difficult!) It is believed that praise spurs motivation, however, in a meta-analysis of 6 studies, they doubted this, double-checked and it turned out that when students are praised in the style of “You are so smart, you are talented, “You’re capable,” then this, on the contrary, undermines motivation. The man relaxes! Why bother? Thoughts appear in the style: “I’m already good, I don’t need to develop! Sports for weaklings! Money for the poor! And Nootropics are for stupid people!” Wherein! When students were told “You tried hard, you did a great job and that’s why you’re great!” — they became more motivated, learned and developed better (5). Take note!

Briefly: Replacing negativity with experience, praising yourself and others for their efforts and seasoning it with elements of a healthy lifestyle. The psyche will definitely begin to change! Let's move on to the underground, more complex and faster biohacking of the psyche.

Comfort zone: how to get out of the box

How can you radically change your life if leaving your comfort zone is perceived by the subconscious as escaping from prison at gunpoint by security guards, and every step can be followed by a burst of death?

Get out of it more often. We go beyond our cozy little world every time we do something unusual, some small new work: we go to advanced training courses, go to our first yoga class, call a stranger. And the more often we take ourselves out of our usual framework, the easier each small feat is tolerated, and such exits from the comfort zone gradually turn into an element of this zone.

The younger we are, the easier it is for us to perceive the process of entering the risk zone - the unknown part of life, entering which we do not have ready-made answers. But it’s not just about age, motivation and attitude are also important.

IMPORTANT

Now there is important information that will simplify your changes!

Long-term potentiation is stimulated by bursts of various neurotransmitters: Dopamine, Serotonin, Glutamate... And they, in turn, are intertwined with emotions. For example, you did a good job, completed a difficult task, the neurotransmitters sparkled like a Christmas tree and your brain recorded that “this behavior = success, which means you need to strengthen the corresponding neural connections where this particular process is encoded.” After some time, the same activity will become easier, this is how learning occurs (7).

If you want to become a different person, you need to create new connections and associations in the brain that cause emotions that cause bursts of neurotransmitters. If you feel on top of the world, then the new activity that you immediately begin to do will create a new personality.

Even simpler, let me insert a quote from my own book BIOFAKER, 3rd thesis for memorization: “if you want to be there and that person you have not yet been, you will have to do what you have not done before and think like We haven’t thought about it yet.”

New experience + emotional reinforcement lead to physical changes in the central nervous system, leading to neuroplasticity. It is a fact. This is not even psychology!

Okay, let's assume you're already doing the basic steps! What other acceleration options are there?

Motivation and attitude

If leaving your comfort zone is perceived by you as an extremely painful step that causes a storm of negative emotions, you have two ways to cope with it:

• increase motivation;
• learn how to properly adjust to change.

In order to increase your motivation to change your life, you should remember exactly what reasons prompted you to think about how to change your life for the better, what prospects await you after leaving your comfort zone, what results can be achieved with this step and how good you will feel after how the first stress will pass.

You can also adjust to change in different ways. You can think about future decisive steps in terms of “scary”, “dangerous” and “risky”, or you can use the words “interesting”, “educational” and “promising”.

In order to get additional advice, you can use specialized literature. For example, the book “Change your brain, change your life” can help you.

WHAT ELSE SHOULD I DO (INTENSIVE)?

- Experience

Schedule yourself every evening of the week with some events that really attract you. Various lectures, sports or entertainment events, sign up for training courses, start running, meet someone or go to interviews for another job.

A very important condition is active integration into the process! That is, going to the cinema or reading books will be an experience, but you sit there and do nothing, you cannot influence the development of the event. And what is more effective is immersion and understanding that you can influence something! Although good movies and books are still better than the absence of novelty.

Excerpt from the '18 study:

“The more challenges students successfully overcome, the more their personality traits changed over the course of the study.” Or, in layman's terms: the more action you take, the more you change (8).

- Music

Love the music. Go to open lessons on musical instruments. Look on YouTube how to play something. As a last resort, download a music creation program and try to make your own beat there. If nothing really works, then listen to different music, get interested in different genres and artists, and do it all the time!

The old people of this channel already know that playing a musical instrument physically changes the structure of the brain, increasing an area such as the Corpus Callosum, which connects the hemispheres of the brain (9, 10, 11, 12). What helps you think more holistically, which makes a person more creative and smarter.

And here is the latest data on music and the brain over the past year:

1. Meta-analysis that talks about listening to music as an additional way to treat mental disorders (13, 14). You won't be so nervous!)
2. Music therapy accelerates recovery from traumatic brain injury (15), also a meta-analysis. If you hit your head, play your favorite tracks more often, in addition to taking nootropics.
3. When people diagnosed with dementia or intellectual disabilities started listening to music regularly, their cognitive abilities increased compared to those who did not listen (16, 17). There are elderly relatives who know nothing but TV - let them find out about the Internet and music selections!

In short, music will really rewire your psyche and physically change your brain.

— Evaluate changes

Make periodic notes about what is going well, what is bad, what to work on, how you eat, what supplements you use, how your mood and productivity change. In principle, this method has already been discussed in other issues.

This way you can better understand your character. It’s like in mathematics, you know yourself, your initial data, which means you understand how and what to change in order to become a different person. For example: you used to consider yourself an introvert, well, there are books, loneliness, arthouse movies and all that, but from the records you will notice that you are very much energized by society, meetings, and the more people and communication, the better. Motivation, productivity and high mood remain for many days after. Take the introversion-extroversion test (for example, the Cattell Test is very good, take 30-40 minutes to complete it, it will tell you a lot about you) and suddenly it turns out that you are an extrovert. The opposite situation may also be true: constantly in society, but temporary solitude adds strength! The point is that you will understand what specifically improves you and you will begin to rewire your psyche even faster.

— Meditation

There was a detailed release. A great proven way to become more stress-resistant. It seems like a common practice that doesn’t take much time, but physically reduces cortisol, our stress hormone (18). Or here’s an excerpt from a recent meta-analysis: “average effect sizes of -0.41 for stress, -0.37 for anxiety, and -0.30 for depression” (19). Actually, if you think that you have any of this, meditation is more likely to work. In terms of the level of evidence for health benefits, it seems to me that meditation is already overshadowing the famous 7-8 hours of sleep and sports activities. Therefore, if you worry a lot and get tired, this will also help you renew your brain faster.

Types of change

Changes can be different: positive and negative, expected and unexpected, big and small, but all of them will help you realize how to radically change your life.

Our brain's attitude towards them also varies accordingly: positive expected changes will be greeted with joy and enthusiasm, while negative surprises can throw us off balance.

In order not to experience unnecessary stress when leaving your comfort zone, it is worth using the “there are positive aspects in everything” technique.

No matter what happens to you, try to find the positive side of events. Turn it into a game, an exciting competition with yourself, a test of your imagination, and gradually you will be able to change your life, guided by the habit of perceiving any change as a positive factor.

NOOTROPICS

Let's now move away from the tin to the legal wheels to renew the psyche - Nootropics.

The world of nootropics is multifaceted. Perhaps the most powerful nootropic, Modafinil, is banned in the Russian Federation. Therefore, let's focus on only 2, which are allowed everywhere and have good prerequisites for long-term changes in the brain.

Let's start with Bacopa!

Personally, I am glad that bacopa, which has been talked about on the channel for about 4 years now, is beginning to form an evidence base! This rarely happens with nootropics. By the way, we are now preparing a complex supplement, well, it contains the most effective substances among dietary supplements, in the right proportions, and seasoned with some vitamins, we expect it within six months! It’s not just about writing books) So one of the components there will be Bacopa and here’s why.

2017, in an animal study, bacopa stimulated synaptic plasticity of hippocampal neurons, this part of the brain is conventionally considered the center of working memory and the spatial orientation system (41). This effect will help you remember more and reduces topographic cretinism!) Moreover, back in 2002, when studying the effect of Bacopa on memory among people, it was published: “Bacopa reduces the rate of forgetting new information” (42).

2020, Bacopa may be beneficial for Parkinson's disease by reducing markers of inflammation in the brain (43). And similar data were in 2022 (44).

There have also been positive reports for Alzheimer's disease (45, 46). Overall, there is definitely potential!

Mushroom

Blackberry comb, there was an issue about it about a year ago and yes, it also changes the brain, not psilocybin, of course, but without hallucinations and legal.

It easily bypasses the brain’s protection – the Blood-brain barrier, causes neurogenesis of the hippocampus, this is the formation of new neurons, in short, increases the amount of RAM (47).

Like psilocybin, it can have antidepressant effects and improve mood (48). For example, cell survival when administered corticosterone, a stress hormone, and Hericium erinaceus extract (49). It can be seen that this fungus protects cells.

Nervous people take note! Well, the classic nootropic effect, in a placebo-controlled experiment, people taking crested blackberry had an improvement in cognitive function in tests (50).

Judging by the research, this mushroom is a worthy alternative to the forbidden ones, this is basically what the main mushroom propagandist of our time, Paul Stamets, says about this (Write “Paul Stamets, Joe Rogan” on YouTube).

Principle of reasonableness

Having made a final decision on how to change your lifestyle, you should not forget about the principle of reasonableness: by abruptly cutting off all the threads, quitting your job and leaving your family, you can be left without a livelihood and without moral support, and such changes can hardly be called positive .

Leaving home to go to war is also a way out of your comfort zone, but is such a step wise? Will it bring happiness?

Going to a casino is an entry into the risk zone, but is the game worth the candle? Is the risk too high relative to investments and hopes?

Not every risk zone is useful, and not every exit from the comfort zone can be called reasonable.

Why does the desire to change arise?

The most common reason why a desire to change arises is when a person does not feel happy at all. A person who is satisfied with life is unlikely to change anything radically. But for the dissatisfied, the outdated way of thinking, acting and character does not lead to any noticeable satisfaction with what the person has. This can be caused by both a change in life situation and many other factors.

And the desire to radically and completely change your own life arises when you no longer have the strength to continue in the old way, when there is absolutely no joy in what is happening. The reasons for this may be:

1. Doing something that has not been enjoyable for a long time or has never brought pleasure.
2. Life or relationship with a person who does not evoke pleasant emotions, constant scandals, or loneliness.
3. Life contrary to principles and dreams.
4. Living in an unsuitable location.

All this comes down to the fact that a person’s life does not correspond to normal and desirable indicators.

Limit of change

The limit of change is the amount of change that your psyche can endure without harm to itself per unit of time.

Having realized how to change their lives, many joyfully rush to break and destroy the established order. Inspired by their own courage, intoxicated with determination, they risk one day sobering up, looking back and finding themselves literally in the ashes of their lives, and at the same time they will have nowhere to return to lick their wounds - without noticing it, they have destroyed all the attributes of their comfort zone, in the worst case - life.

When trying to change your life, sometimes it’s worth stopping, taking a time out and going back to your comfort zone to soak up positive energy, return to a state of mental balance, look at the area of ​​work on yourself and decide whether you are sufficiently prepared to change your life .

When deciding how to change your life, you need to remember the limits of change and that changes do not have to be sudden and drastic.

Where to begin

Changes must always begin with the correct setting of goals. What do you want to get as a result of your transformation, what result do you plan to achieve.

Goals may be different:

• become healthy and athletic;
• create a strong family;
• change the field of activity;
• make a career;
• make friends, etc.

Each goal requires its own changes and is impossible without certain qualities. Take a sheet of paper and on one half of it write down the qualities that are needed to achieve the desired effect. In the second half, describe your current habits, qualities, appearance. This way you will clearly see what needs to be worked on carefully. And you can confidently start making changes.

Make a clear plan for planned changes in appearance, habits and character. Next, break this plan down into specific tasks with a realistic deadline. Complex changes will require more than one year of work on yourself.

Appearance

The very first and easiest step on the path to change is external transformation. As you change externally, your internal perception of yourself also changes. You become more confident, you feel more attractive, and others see it too. To transform yourself, just do the following.

1. Change your hairstyle . You can cut your hair short or, on the contrary, add hair extensions or dye your hair a completely different color. You can grow a beard or, on the contrary, shave it completely to change yourself beyond recognition. The right hairstyle will help you highlight your strengths and hide your flaws. And even make you several years younger.
2. Clear out the closet with clothes . It's time to audit your closet. Put in your bag things that you haven’t worn for more than a year, that you simply don’t like, as well as things that you wore back when you were in college or school. Feel free to take this bag to the center for social assistance to low-income citizens. This will make room for change.
3. Buy new clothes . Before you run to the store for new clothes, think carefully about the image you see yourself in, and how this image will reflect your inner state. Look through fashion magazines. Perhaps there you will find the desired image, according to which you will already choose your clothes. By the way, for a basic wardrobe it is enough to purchase only 10 items of clothing that will match each other in style and color. Experiment with color. If you've always worn dark clothes, try on something bright. Do you want to add bright colors to your life? Start with clothes!
4. Get a tattoo . Tattoos have ceased to be symbols of rebellion and protest. In Russia, every third resident has at least one small tattoo. Many people put drawings on their bodies, putting a special meaning into them and wanting to reflect changes in character and behavior. For example, a butterfly is a symbol of transformation as it transforms from a caterpillar into a beautiful creature. The owner of such a tattoo is ready to seriously work on himself in order to change and achieve what he wants. The phoenix also symbolizes internal changes. Some aspects of the personality burn out so that it is reborn in a new, more perfect form. Since a tattoo is for life, think carefully about whether you are ready for this step. And if you have already decided, then go to the professionals.

Habits

Our behavior and lifestyle are a collection of habits. Every day we repeat the same actions without thinking about how harmful or beneficial it is for us. The most common addictions include:

• smoking;
• alcohol;
• laziness;
• addiction to social networks or TV;
• use of obscenities or parasitic words in speech;
• late going to bed, etc.

But it’s enough to get rid of bad habits and start useful ones, and life will change radically and sparkle with new colors. You will have much more free time and energy to accomplish great things. To change your habits, you need to do the following.

1. Identify specific changes . Think about your daily habits and choose the ones you want to break as well as the ones you want to implement. For example, to become healthier and physically stronger, you need to give up smoking, alcohol, junk food, start playing sports and ensure that you get good sleep and get up early.
2. Set the order of changes . You shouldn’t immediately take on the task of eradicating absolutely all bad habits. It's better to focus on one first. So choose your worst habit or the one that is easiest to eliminate and start there.
3. Eliminate or introduce a new habit gradually . Radical changes in lifestyle will become stressful for the body and psyche. The brain will begin to resist, and the desire to give up at the very beginning can get the better of you. Therefore, we change our habits gradually. For example, to quit smoking, increase the interval between smoking breaks. If you are used to smoking every half hour, then first try to increase this interval by 5 minutes. Stay like this for a few days. When you feel that you can easily cope with this interval, increase it by another 5 minutes. Thus, you will slowly come to the point that you will be able to do without cigarettes altogether.
4. Set reminders and use a habit tracker . It usually takes at least 21 days to develop a habit. To remember to perform an action that should become a habit, set a reminder in your phone. Be sure to print out a habit tracker on a piece of paper in which you will mark the action performed. Let's say you decide to train yourself to do exercises. To remember this, set a reminder on your phone to go off at 7 a.m. every day. We heard the signal, did some vigorous exercises and ran to put a plus sign in the tracker.

Remember that change doesn't happen overnight. It will take quite a long time to achieve results. Every productive day will bring you closer to your cherished goal. And on the habit tracker you will clearly see how far you have already come.

I highly recommend watching the following video. It will clearly show you how you can change your habits in a couple of minutes a day.

Character

If transforming your appearance is the easiest way to change, then transforming your inner world requires colossal efforts and a lot of work on yourself. Each of us has our own type of character and temperament.

Temperament is usually determined from birth. Therefore, all babies are different from each other and behave differently. This cannot be changed. But character is developed as one grows up and depends on the upbringing of parents, the influence of the environment and emerging life situations. Character is completely adjustable, and individual traits can be corrected.

The most important thing, without which you will not be able to change internally, is the awareness of the need for change and the belief that it is possible. If you don't believe in success, then don't even try. It's a waste of time and energy. For those who are determined to change themselves and their lives, I advise you to start by identifying those properties that you would like to change.

In psychology, there is an approach according to which all individual human properties are divided into 5 large groups.

1. Extraversion . These include qualities such as friendliness, sociability, and energy. If you are introverted, are used to spending time alone, but this does not suit you, and you suffer from a lack of friends, then it makes sense to develop the corresponding qualities in yourself.
2. Integrity . This group includes qualities that are responsible for a person’s attitude towards the obligations they have given: responsibility, self-organization, competence, reliability. You should work on these qualities if you suffer from procrastination, that is, you constantly put off fulfilling your direct responsibilities and promises or even avoid them altogether.
3. Openness to everything new . This group concentrates qualities such as curiosity, the desire to experiment and learn. Anyone who does not strive to acquire new knowledge and skills will not be able to find their calling and achieve success in it.
4. Goodwill . These include sincerity, altruism, the ability to sympathize and trust other people. Without these qualities, it is difficult for a person to build long-term relationships with others.
5. Emotional stability . Remember how you usually react to minor incidents? If you are constantly accompanied by a feeling of increased anxiety, you are too hostile, or, conversely, cannot stand up for yourself due to low self-esteem, then you have a special trait - neuroticism. It does not allow you to effectively cope with negative emotions. I hasten to reassure you, you can get rid of this trait.

So, you have studied your character and reactions to external events. It's time to start working on yourself.

1. Identify the character traits you want to change . If you haven’t decided yet, but feel that changes can no longer be put off, then ask for help. Close relatives, friends or a psychologist can help you in this matter. The most important thing is that new qualities do not contradict your values.
2. Choose a role model for yourself . Find a person who has very well developed the quality that you are trying to cultivate in yourself. For example, you want to become a more sociable and friendly person in order to make many new acquaintances. Watch such an open and talkative person. How he behaves with others, how and what he says, how he stands during a conversation, etc. Imitate him. At first you will feel awkward, seem funny and clumsy. But developing a new trait is very similar to developing a habit. The more often you repeat the same actions, the more natural it will become for you.
3. Find a mentor . The role of a mentor can be played by a person who has already gone through similar changes. He will help you achieve your final goal faster, guide you and help you in difficult situations. Or you can get the necessary instructions from books. A lot of motivating and inspiring books have been written that tell you how to transform yourself and start a new life. Read books like these every day to fuel your resolve to change.
4. Track your progress . Personal changes are much more difficult to track than external ones. Because of this, your motivation will periodically fade. To rekindle the flame of determination, you need to start a journal from the very first day you decide to change. In it you will record your current state, the results of working on yourself, and other achievements. By re-reading old posts, you will see your progress. You can compare what you were and what you have become.

Change is like a drug

Having changed their lives once, some are so imbued with the consciousness of their own courage, receive such a charge of positive energy that they go to the other extreme - they become hostages of the risk zone, literally turning into adrenaline junkies.

Whenever they are no longer happy with something in life, instead of making an easy, calm correction, they use a proven remedy: they destroy everything to the point of ruins and try to rebuild something completely new.

Such “addicts” turn, for example, into renovation fans, endlessly wanting to bring their apartments to an ideal state that will never come, and as a result, constantly living in ruins.

This is a dangerous trend: the idea of ​​changing life is good, but like medicine, it is good in moderation. Total changes are not a panacea; instead of happiness, a person can get a series of failures associated with constant moving, changing lifestyles and unsuccessful searches for oneself, while in order to become happy, one only needs to stop breaking everything around at the slightest sign of discomfort and look at oneself from the inside.

Why It’s a Mistake to Consider Personality Type as Unchangeable

We are used to asking: “Are you an extrovert or an introvert?”, “Are you choleric or sanguine?”, “Do you prefer white or red?” - as if these labels forever define a person. But a recent study by M. A. Harris, C. E. Brett et al. Personality stability from age 14 to age 77 years / Psychology and Aging refutes this.

In 1947, educators rated 1,200 14-year-olds on six characteristics: self-confidence, perseverance, mood stability, conscientiousness, originality, and willingness to learn. After 63 years, half of the participants were tested again. The scientists asked everyone to evaluate themselves using the same criteria and get an assessment from someone close to them. As a result, there were almost no matches with the original characteristics.

According to Harvard psychologist Daniel Gilbert, after 10 years a person becomes different. During his research, Gilbert asked J. Quoidbach, D.T. Gilbert, T.D. Wilson. The End of history illusion / Science of people, how much their interests, aspirations and values ​​have changed over the previous decade. Participants noted significant differences. He then asked how much they thought their interests, aspirations, and values ​​would change in the next 10 years. Most assumed it was unimportant.

It seems to us that we will remain as we are now. But the same Gilbert said: “Every person is an unfinished project who mistakenly considers himself completed.” Therein lies the problem.

Circumstances are not always to blame for dissatisfaction with life

It often happens that a person, solving the problem “how to change his life,” makes a lot of physical movements, changes jobs, leaves his family, quarrels with friends, and every step is very difficult for him, but it seems to him that just a little more just a little, just remove one more obstacle from your life that prevents you from living and developing normally - and happiness will come.

But we often forget about the following important point: the environment and circumstances are not always to blame for our troubles, sometimes the problem lies within the person himself, and it will not be possible to escape from it with the help of such drastic changes and changes in one’s life.

Simply because it is not the environment that needs to be changed, but the one who lives in this environment - the person himself, his essence, character, outlook on life and behavior. It is useless to cover a rotten fence with new paint - this will not make it stronger, and it is very important, when deciding that it is time to change your life, to carefully think about why you should change it, what exactly to change and whether exactly what you are preventing you from living happily were going to change, not something inside you.

START

In a good way, at the beginning you need to decide on your goals and desires, and understand why exactly these goals. To specify them: when to achieve, how, how much time to spend... In a good way, you need to take a general blood test and a hormone test, correct the “bad” indicators, this will also change the psyche. But all this is constantly mentioned on the channel and there was a similar episode, you know which one, there is no point in repeating it. Next, we focus on practical tips that directly change a person’s personality, psyche and character.

Introducing: Neuroplasticity!

The ability of the brain to rebuild neural connections. Think of the brain as a collection of super-thin, jumbled wires that are made up of neurons. These wires encode your emotions, your memory, your fears, successes and stereotypes. And suddenly it turns out that these wires are not static, they are dynamic. You might not have liked a certain dish as a child, but neuroplasticity seems to have erased the connection between a particular food and disgust, and as a result, this food is quite tolerable, and maybe even tasty, how so?

The funny thing is that changes happen on their own from the influence of experience and a little stress (1). Open your correspondence on social networks from 5-7 years ago! Who is this person who wrote on your behalf? What kind of nonsense was he talking about?

Let's take a little break! Now there will be a little placebo effect) Try saying the word “sweet” 10 times, and each subsequent pronunciation should immerse you even more in this word, memories, atmosphere or images, about 1-2 minutes to complete. By the 10th time, you feel like you just hamstered a whole chocolate bar yourself. Because of self-hypnosis, they do placebo-controlled studies. This is already an axiom and no one in their right mind will say that the whole world is wrong and placebos do not exist, psychology does not work. Well, you need to use this effect!

What you load into your head now shapes that same head and psyche in the future. This is the first point to remember. This is not an ode to the now popular “visualizations”, like “imagine that you have a huge house and you will get it.” Unfortunately, pharma and external conditions are stronger. No matter how alert a person is, you just need to choose the dosage of sleeping pills. However, psychology is a truly powerful thing for everyday life! So take advantage of the placebo effect and put what you want into your head!

Ways to expand your comfort zone

If any exit from your comfort zone is a powerful stress factor for you, in addition to motivation and mental adjustment, a number of exercises will help you, designed to turn entering the risk zone into a less uncomfortable activity:

• if you have to solve a large task, and the need to do it is scary, divide it into several small ones and complete it gradually; It’s more convenient to take small steps;
• remind yourself more often that the more often you leave your comfort zone, the calmer you will be about it, and the more new things you will learn and see; the frog is warm under the leaf, but the huge world around is not visible;
• return from the risk zone in time to gain strength; Designate for yourself some small actions that will symbolize for you a fleeting departure to your usual state and give you strength - eat your favorite mint candy, twirl your bracelet, put on a lucky tie.

Remember that outside the cozy warm comfort zone, which saves you from stress but prevents you from changing your life for the better, hide not only horrors, but also prospects, success, independence, new positive impressions, pleasant acquaintances and a boundless world.

It is not easy to radically change your life, but the game is worth the trouble - by tuning in to happiness and striding towards it, overcoming your fears and indecision, you can get the result you expected.

Circle of friends

You won't believe how much our social circle influences us. If you want to change, then you will have to work with this part of your life. It so happens that in our environment there are people who pull us back. And no matter how cruel it may sound, such people are not on the same path with us.

We are connected by an invisible connection with everyone we know. And what happens is that either they pull us up, or we pull them up. You need to hold on to those who go forward. You should surround yourself with people whose qualities you admire. Meet new men and women who have the personality traits of successful people. The more successful, independent people in your environment, the sooner you will begin to behave this way and move towards success.

Of course, if you are not ready to give up communication with a particular person, but you understand that he is dragging you down, then be prepared to constantly push him and pull him along with you. Remember that this takes up your time and energy. But if you're ready for it, so be it. No one will force you to change your social circle.

Possible difficulties and ways to solve them

There are many difficulties that may arise, however, there are also ways to solve them:

My experience

I have a friend with whom we have been communicating since kindergarten, that is, for about 23 years. During this time, everything happened. During our school years, we even separated for some time and went to different companies, and then we started communicating again. I note that at this time no one said unpleasant things about the other, did not give away secrets. On the contrary, we continued to say good things about each other and defend the other’s name if necessary. By the way, this separation happened somehow smoothly, that is, without a scandal, as did the further reunion. And I no longer remember why this happened.

In middle and high school we communicated very closely. Then we entered different universities and moved to different cities, but continued to keep in touch. Now we rarely meet, but it happens - either she comes to me, then I come to her. And you know what, during these rare meetings there is no impression that we have become strangers. Although each has someone closer, each has changed, we still understand each other, turn to each other for support or advice.

I think, despite everything, we remained best friends. And this is based on those childhood and teenage memories, shared secrets, mysteries and discoveries. After all, new friends, no matter how close in spirit we are, do not know or remember the old us, but we have known each other all our lives, we have seen each other in all sorts of “aggregate states.”

Habits that prevent you from changing your life for the better

Let's talk about what behavioral stereotypes prevent us from achieving our goals and therefore require eradication:

How to start changing externally

The human body and psyche are interconnected. Internal changes are reflected in appearance, for example, self-confidence makes you straighten your back, and finding the meaning of life makes your eyes sparkle. But the same is true in the opposite direction: external changes can change a person’s sense of self:

• Try walking with a straight back, and you will notice how your mood improves and your self-confidence grows.
• Smile and you will notice how your mood stabilizes and your consciousness clears up.
• Put on a dress (for women) or a suit (for men), and you will want to fit in and stop swearing or slouching. The woman will want to behave softer, be more gentle, and the man will become more decisive.

Your style should be combined with your attitude and lifestyle. Think about what clothes will suit your new look, what hairstyle will match your inner world. As for the choice itself, this is rather a question for stylists and image makers.

And of course, remember the general rules of self-care. You don't have to follow fashion or buy expensive brands. It is much more important to be neat: clean skin (depending on your mental state and physical health), washed and ironed clothes, styled and cut hair.

Although all this is individual, I don’t know what your ideal appearance is. Someone wants to lose weight, and someone wants to gain weight or pump up. Some people deliberately strive for deliberate sloppiness, for example, teenagers who are sympathetic to subcultures have very specific ideas about ideals and changes for the better.

In general, it’s easy to change, the main thing is to start. Determine your ideal and gradually move towards it: hairstyle, clothes, weight, body proportions, behavior. The latter deserves special attention and is largely associated with internal changes.

How to determine what you want

Why does the connection with desires break?

How to find yourself and your purpose in life: what does it mean and where to start

Growing up, the child gradually gets used to doing not what he wants, but what adults consider necessary. The baby becomes confident that his desires are wrong. It’s better not to have them at all, when they dictate from all sides what to do. Today there are a lot of people who have lost touch with their desires. The rigid rhythm of life, a huge amount of information and a variety of opportunities leave little chance to understand oneself. People don't have the free energy to want anything.

However, this question is directly related to purpose and happiness. After all, people who have found their life’s work practically never get tired and feel deep satisfaction.

Variety of possibilities

How to find your desires

To understand yourself, you will have to stop this crazy flow that the life of a modern person is like. You need to get enough sleep, rest more often, set aside time for daily meditation, and do yoga or stretching in the evenings. You shouldn't eat before bed. By following these simple recommendations, a person will relax and begin to understand what he wants.

Important! At first these will be the simplest needs, but you shouldn’t mindlessly brush them aside, as they will gradually lead to important and significant things.

When moving along the chain of desires, it is important not to be afraid of mistakes. To understand yourself better, it is useful to:

1. Dream, spend a few minutes on pleasant fantasies, think through your new image to the smallest detail.
2. Think about what kind of life you would like to live, what the key events will be in it.
3. Keep a diary. Recordings help to unload emotionally and comprehend what is happening. It's useful to highlight the most significant events once a week (and month) to determine your priorities.
4. Imagine that you have received a huge inheritance, and you will never have problems with money again. What would you like to do so that your activity simply makes you happy, brings satisfaction and meaning to your life?
5. Understand how your free time is spent: on hobbies, work or degradation in front of the TV. Ask yourself if this makes sense.
6. Come up with a mission for your life and what to devote it to. Little by little it will become clear how you can completely change yourself.

If suddenly desires begin to coincide with abilities, and people are grateful for the work, then there is no doubt - here it is, the path that has not been found for so long.

Change your inner world

Start changing yourself by studying your inner world, because all events that happen in life originate from a person’s personal experiences, dreams and spiritual world. Every thought, word, movement affects how others treat us. If spoken words are not backed up by actions, then the attitude of others becomes extremely negative and disapproving. But even in this case, a person should not change himself to please others, he must make this decision himself and do it for himself.

Why I love my robot vacuum cleaner so much: sharing my own experience

No one should love others more than themselves, only true self-love can change life. After all, if you don’t know how to love yourself, how can you love someone else?

How to change your temperament

What is temperament and how does it differ from character?

Before understanding the difference between character and temperament, let's define these two concepts.

Temperament

– a set of a number of properties of the human psyche that influence his activities and behavioral habits. The nervous system is responsible for temperament, and its sensitivity affects events, memory, and the pace of human activity.

Character

- a certain set of human qualities that manifest themselves in interaction with the outside world. Like temperament, it has a connection with the psyche, but is not given from birth, but is formed under the influence of various factors. Character is influenced by the social environment, upbringing, environment, and so on.

It is worth noting that temperaments can be divided into certain types: sanguine, melancholic, choleric, phlegmatic. Often people have a mixed type of temperament, but let’s still try to consider them separately.

• Choleric is the most unbalanced of all types. Easily excitable, quick-tempered. However, it may work well in emergency situations when reaction speed is required.
• A sanguine person is easy to communicate, friendly, and quick to react. If there is interest, he is efficient; if there is no interest, he is lazy.
• Melancholic – characterized by increased anxiety. At the same time, he is very thoughtful, often erudite. Impressive.
• Phlegmatic is the calmest type. Outwardly, he is not inclined to show emotions and is characterized by equanimity. Can do work slowly, but diligently.

Is it possible to change temperament and how to do it?

Psychologists tend to believe that temperament is given to us at birth, and it is impossible to completely change it, unlike character. Still, we note that some traits can still be developed or slightly adjusted. For example, if you are choleric and want to become more balanced, then learn to keep your emotions under control. The most popular advice in this case: at the moment when you feel that you are “on the edge,” count to yourself from one to ten. In general, in order to change one or another trait of temperament in yourself, you need to undergo certain exercises, choosing those that you consider necessary for yourself.

A bad character can be corrected if desired.

With the right amount of diligence, you can certainly change certain aspects of your bad character, but it is worth realizing that this cannot be done in a day or two - it will take a lot of practice. It is also important to understand what kind of character you want to have in the end - if you don’t think about it, then it will be stupid to wait for significant changes. Spend a couple of hours imagining (on paper, perhaps) what kind of character you need, and only then will it be possible to outline a further plan of action.

Of course, if you want to make changes in your character, but do not start doing anything for this, then the whole plan is doomed to failure. Devote some time to self-development. At first, you will probably feel uncertainty and fear, but overcome yourself and continue with your plans - this is the only way you can achieve success.

Impact of external changes on internal ones

Your inner attitude largely shapes your appearance and behavior. You can also provoke internal changes through external ones. For example, if a person hunches over, lowers the corners of his lips and spends several minutes in this position, sad thoughts will come to his mind. On the contrary, if you straighten your back and smile, the brain will remember the state of inspiration and joy that the person experienced, and the negative will be replaced by pleasant dreams or memories.

The perfect suit gives you confidence

Many people wonder how to change their character. The simplest answer to this is that you need to start changing externally:

• putting your appearance and wardrobe in order means raising your self-esteem a little and becoming more confident;
• those who switch to proper nutrition and regular exercise will receive a healthy body, good health and optimism;
• if you learn to get up early, stop playing and wasting time on social networks, then you will have time for self-development: reading, journaling or meditation, so your inner world will become richer;
• putting things in order in your home or workplace will help you begin to understand your own thoughts;
• the people around you can inspire heroism or drag you into the swamp of alcoholism;
• Creative activities will help you find peace and satisfaction.

Important! The famous brain research specialist Tatyana Chernigovskaya claims that every little thing influences a person, be it a accidentally viewed advertisement or an insignificant conversation with a friend. All information enters the brain and contributes to the development or degradation of personality.

How to effectively change your character? It is very difficult, but worthy of the high title of a person.