Inexperienced people believe that it is impossible to develop communication skills. It's either given or it's not. But professional psychologists actively refute this stereotype. In fact, communication is a skill, just like dancing, playing music or cooking. And like any other skill, even an introvert can develop communication skills.
The editors of Bowandtie talk about what sociability is, how it differs from sociability, as well as techniques and exercises that will help develop this skill.
Benefits of communication skills:
- the opportunity to achieve success in different areas of life (career, family life, creativity);
- gaining spiritual harmony, getting rid of complexes and excessive isolation;
- the opportunity for self-realization in all spheres of public life;
We show signs of communication skills in everyday life. But some people can be called the “life of the party,” while others are only silent.
And if you look at sociable people, you will notice that they easily achieve their goals and achieve success in life.
Sociability and self-confidence also help in business. Many employers choose talkative candidates for a vacant position, because such an employee can easily find a common language with the client, and accordingly, he will bring profit to the company.
We talk to people about topics that interest them
Why? Dale Carnegie gave an exhaustive answer to this question. He noticed that there is only one way to influence another person: talk to him about what he wants, what he strives for, and reveal to him the way to get it. To make it completely clear, Carnegie gave an example that was adopted by people involved in sales. It is also called the “strawberries and cream principle.”
Dale Carnegie said that he likes strawberries and cream, and fish like worms and grasshoppers, so when he goes fishing with the intention of catching it, he hooks what the fish likes, not him, that is, a worm, not strawberries . Otherwise, there will be no catch.
This means that if we want to please a person and interest him, we must talk with him on topics that are close to him, and not to us. The subject of his interests can be found out with the help of leading questions. If we guess right, then perhaps we won’t have to speak ourselves, but will only need to actively listen. This way we can maintain a conversation even about things in which we are not particularly competent. People like to feel important, so let's help them with this.
Why develop communication skills?
What is special about a sociable interlocutor? First of all, such a person loves to communicate. He enjoys the process of communication, tries to learn something new, he meets new people, gets a positive experience and teaches his interlocutor something.
The ability to communicate allows you to successfully build life priorities. After all, flexibility, loyalty in conversation, and understanding of the interlocutor help achieve the final goal.
If you develop these skills, then you may well become a leader in any team, you will be able to achieve promotion on the career ladder, and learn to show initiative in various issues.
An interesting and sociable person is always noticed; he becomes the epicenter of everyone's attention.
Look at the entertainment TV presenters. They are always sociable and open. They understand when it is appropriate to joke or ask this or that question.
Let's smile
Each of us will be much more willing to do business with a person who has a friendly smile on his face. It is impossible to be sociable and at the same time have a sour expression on your face. People instinctively avoid those from whom ill will emanates.
True, some supporters of natural behavior say that sincere unfriendliness is better than an artificial smile on duty. However, we prefer to communicate with smiling people. And so that our own smile does not seem glued, we “put it on” not immediately, but a second after we see the person for whom it is intended.
Types of Communication Skills
Modern psychology identifies two main types of communication skills. This is a verbal and non-verbal type.
Verbal communication
Verbal communication occurs using certain phrases, constructing sentences, and maintaining a dialogue with the interlocutor.
It is important to be able to correctly express your speech, interest listeners, and enjoy the conversation.
Read more: How to learn to speak beautifully and competently
Nonverbal communication
The nonverbal type of communication involves the use of gestures and facial expressions.
Sometimes our facial expressions can say more about us than our words.
Mirror exercises can be used to develop nonverbal communication skills. Imagine that you are communicating with your interlocutor. Watch your facial expressions and gestures.
Read further: What can gestures tell us? 75 Signs of Body Language
It is impossible to learn to communicate with people in a couple of steps. Be prepared for the fact that the process of improving public speaking may take more than one month.
Read further: Oratory for beginners: exercises and rules
Exercises to develop communication skills
Photo: Background photo created by mindandi – www.freepik.com
Record, listen, analyze
A voice recorder will help develop the talent of an eloquent storyteller. Some speakers use a video camera to look at themselves from the outside. Record the dialogues you engage in and then listen to them. Note the tone, emotional coloring, and literacy of presentation. There will probably be unsuccessful sentences, so in a calm environment, think about how you can rephrase them and improve them.
Mirror
Before an important event, sit in front of the mirror and watch your reflection: how you hold your head, control your hands, facial expressions and legs, what kind of posture you have. This is a very effective exercise. After it, it will be easier for you to behave in public.
Remember quotes, interesting facts
You can strengthen your speech with sayings and parables. If someone you are talking to has difficulty expressing their thoughts, support them with a captivating story. Add a good joke or anecdote if appropriate. This will enliven the conversation and make it more relaxed.
Sell your pen
I recently used this idea with marketing directors. It was necessary to compare two popular smartphone manufacturers. First, we named 5 advantages of Samsung over the iPhone, and then swapped them. This exercise only seems simple. But it is very useful: you will learn to argue your position and become more confident.
Smile
Smile - even when talking on the phone, typing a message, or hearing negativity from your interlocutor. Show empathy. Sincerity and kindness are the key to the soul of any person. With a smile, it will be psychologically more comfortable to communicate under stress. Internal tension will disappear, and an irritated opponent may well adapt to your positivity and become more supportive.
Forming endurance
When faced with aggression, mentally place yourself in a glass dome. At the same time, imagine your opponent as more positive, think about his positive qualities, wish the person well, just like that, from the heart.
How to develop communication skills and become a sociable person
Top tip: don't avoid communication
Are they contacting you? Don't avoid communicating with your interlocutor!
Do you feel like you are not a sociable person? Believe me, each of us can have a great conversation in any situation, but this requires time and certain training.
3 rules for overcoming your shyness or indecision
- put yourself in the shoes of your interlocutor: silence or avoidance of conversation would not be very pleasant for you;
- do training, try to act out verbal debates in front of the mirror;
- Learn from the examples of good speakers. Pay attention to how a famous politician or show business figure enters into a dialogue;
Practice visualization
Imagine that you are about to meet a person you know, but you have no desire to communicate with him. Don't avoid meetings and don't close yourself off.
Residents of megacities often do not like to actively communicate. This is understandable, a big city puts pressure and oppression on the human psyche. Sometimes people really want to hide from the annoying and noisy crowd into their own quiet corner.
But the more you withdraw into yourself, preferring virtual communication to live communication, the less chance you have of developing communication skills.
We strike up a conversation on our own. Let's show our emotions!
The special talent of a sociable person is that he is not afraid to be the first to start a conversation, maintain a conversation, or come up with a new topic for discussion.
Don't show your hostility or withdrawal. Do you know interesting cases from life? So share them with your interlocutors.
But it is important to understand that your speech should be interesting to people. Carefully monitor the behavior, facial expressions, and gestures of your opponents.
Respect your interlocutor
One of the fundamental rules for acquiring communication skills is the ability to respect your interlocutor.
You should not get into a verbal spat, proving that you are right. Even if your opponent is wrong, still learn to hear him.
It is considered great disrespect to interrupt the interlocutor, attempt to shout down, interrupt the conversation, or change the topic of the conversation.
The goal of constructive dialogue is to find so-called common ground with the interlocutor.
Watch your facial expressions, because your movements and facial expressions should show your disposition and complacency towards your opponent in the conversation.
What to do if the interlocutor himself does not respect you and is rude? Learn to respond correctly to rudeness.
Read more: 10 methods for responding to rudeness
Tip #1 – How to use “body language” (non-verbal communication)
Nonverbal communication accounts for 55% of how a speaker is perceived. This means that most of what a speaker says is conveyed not through words, but through physical signals.
There are many techniques and forms of nonverbal communication. To develop communication skills, this topic should be studied in detail. The editors of Bowandtie provide several simple techniques that will give an immediate effect.
Take the correct posture
Don't slouch - it makes you visually and on a subconscious level smaller than you are. Keep your back straight and your shoulders back. Do not cross your legs (for example, cross your legs) or cross your arms (for example, across your chest). A closed posture not only creates blocks in communication, but is also not always appropriate, and sometimes disrespectful to the interlocutor.
Do not cross your legs, arms, fingers - a closed posture creates barriers to communication
Maintain a relaxed and friendly posture. Tension can be interpreted in different ways, but always negatively. For example, like self-doubt. Get rid of the habit of touching your hair, fidgeting in your chair, and fiddling with a pen or mobile phone in your hands.
Maintain eye contact when the other person is speaking
Eye contact shows interest in the other person's words. If it is not possible to look directly into the eyes (for example, you are experiencing internal discomfort, or the interlocutor wears glasses), you should look at the bridge of the nose (the upper part of the nose adjacent to the forehead). This will create the illusion of “eye to eye.”
Try to maintain eye contact even when moving. Turning your back and the back of your head to your interlocutor is already bad form, and in the case of a tense or important conversation, this will be interpreted as a sign of disagreement, neglect or readiness for conflict.
Eye contact helps build connections
Don't squint or open your eyes too wide, trying to "act" emotions. Such facial expressions are appropriate for real feelings, but an attempt to fake them will be read and interpreted not in your favor. At best, you will be considered insincere, and this will not benefit your communication skills.
The main secret of communication skills
Do you know what the main secret of communication skills is?
This is a kind of magic elixir, thanks to which you can become a communicative person.
Everything is extremely simple. You need to enjoy communication. You should not force yourself to smile insincerely at your opponent, the person will feel false.
Know how to win people over
You need to start any business with a smile and a good mood. You must enjoy active communication. We ourselves shape the world around us. And we also create a social circle ourselves.
Treat people the way you would like to be treated yourself. And you will see positive, smart, interesting interlocutors appear around you. This rule applies to all areas of social life. Be it work activity or the sphere of personal relationships.
Tune in for the good
Never set yourself up for an uninteresting, sluggish and boring conversation, even if you have one.
Include imagination, the power of persuasion, and a good mood.
Learn improvisation, which is the pinnacle of achieving a high level of communication skills.
Try to interest your interlocutor with non-verbal gestures, switch his attention, and do not load him with too much unnecessary information.
Differences in communication between men and women
There is an opinion that women are more sociable than men. This is not true, sociability does not depend on gender. However, there are indeed some differences between male and female communication skills:
- women are process-oriented, and men are result-oriented;
- it is more difficult for men to be restrained in communication, especially if they disagree with their opponent;
- women pour more “water”, men speak briefly and to the point.
It is important to understand that these features are not an axiom. For example, some women like to speak briefly and without unnecessary lyricism, and some men prefer to “roll cotton wool”, use epithets, and abound in compliments. Sociability does not depend on gender, it is associated with individual psychological characteristics and conditions of human development.
