Useful tips
Each of us has at least once found ourselves in a dispute and could not find the necessary arguments to win it.
We all tend to want to be right.
, and for this reason we often get involved in disputes. However, unhealthy arguments can lead to aggression, stress, depression, and also ruin your reputation.
Moreover, as a result of an argument, we rarely manage to convince someone that we are right.
, and each participant remains with his own opinion.
However, there are ways that will help you get away with it during conflicts and not lose face. Here are a few psychological techniques that will help you gain the upper hand in an argument without straining or humiliating your opponent.
Persuasive speech
The art of rhetoric originated in Ancient Greece. Then the art of persuasion was a factor of survival: the accused in court was forced to defend himself. The Greeks hired expensive tutors to learn the subtleties of sophistry. Today this is not necessary. Thanks to the Internet, we can find out for ourselves how to make speech literate and beautiful.
Why develop speech
Speech is the main way of communication between people. With the help of words we solve pressing problems and conflicts. A person with a beautiful speech can talk to anyone. The benefits that persuasive speech gives us:
- rapid advancement up the career ladder;
- harmony at work and in the family;
- attractiveness in the eyes of others;
- increased entrepreneurial abilities, the ability to successfully establish a business;
- self-confidence, stress resistance;
Aura method
According to one study, three times more people will cross behind a person in a suit and tie at a red light than a person in work clothes. This psychological test confirms that, on a subconscious level, we ourselves tend to assign authority to a person who knows how to look and even speak convincingly. Of course, this could be the most ordinary clerk or just a person going to an official event, but you will not approach everyone you meet on the street and be interested in the type of his activity or the reason why he put on a suit. A person in a suit creates an aura around himself that is transmitted to others.
What does this information give us, and how can we use it for our purposes? As we have already found out, a suit or other official form of clothing gives you importance; you, as if without meaning to, form the status of a specialist in the minds of your interlocutor, and this is already a lot! People tend to trust more those who look reputable and seem knowledgeable to them. If you work as an administrator and your usual dress code is casual, such as a T-shirt and jeans, try dressing more formally and compare the reaction of clients to your words, beliefs and arguments in the first and second case. This method has another characteristic advantage, which I have already described above. People will consider you an expert even if you are not. Whatever you say in a suit, you will always say it more convincingly than if you were dressed in a T-shirt and jeans.
Subtleties of persuasive speech
Persuasive speech is, first of all, reasoned arguments. Often people resort to false arguments. They confuse the interlocutor, humiliate him and undermine his authority. If a person acts not of his own free will, but under pressure or coercion, this will not lead to a good result in the long run.
5 False Arguments That Will Repel Your Opponent
In business and interpersonal relationships, dishonest tricks seem like a good idea. But only at first glance. We'll talk about how to lie convincingly a little later. First, familiarize yourself with the basic logical fallacies and how to avoid them.
Appeal to false authority
“An authoritative person did the same. This means we must do the same.”
It is a logical mistake to cite as an example a person who is incompetent in the area of the dispute. For example, grandmothers force their grandchildren to eat oatmeal for breakfast and say:
“The Queen of Great Britain eats oatmeal for breakfast every morning. And you will eat."
Is the Queen of Great Britain a nutritionist? It would be more appropriate to tell the child about the beneficial properties of porridge, to help him see the benefits:
“Porridge is very healthy and nutritious, it helps the body become better. If you eat porridge, you will become the strongest among the guys” - an example of the correct argument.
False reason
It is not always possible to correctly establish a cause-and-effect relationship. It is wrong when a false reason appears as an argument.
“You can't do anything because you don't try hard enough! Work harder!”
Instead, it's better to say:
“Let's think together about why the project failed. This way we will avoid failure in the future.”
And look at yourself!
This logical fallacy often pops up in informal communication. Here's an example:
– You don’t know how to count money and you buy all sorts of nonsense!
- And you are greedy!
Instead of mutual accusations, it would be better to answer like this:
“This month I bought necessary things for the family: (listing). Come shopping with me and you will see how much the prices in the store have increased.”
Appeal to the majority
“All our colleagues think so. Are you taking us for fools?
People once believed that whales kept the earth flat. The statement did not become true from universal faith. The crowd is mistaken and is often mistaken. Instead, say:
"I respect your opinion. Let's have a meeting so that you can argue your point of view, and I can express mine. We will make a decision by voting."
Getting personal
“Your point of view has no merit because you didn’t go to university.”
Subtext: “You are not smart and educated enough to put forward your pathetic opinion.” Initiative shows a person’s concern; this should be encouraged, not destroyed. Any opinion deserves attention. It is correct to say this:
“Yes, I agree with you here. But here you are wrong, because...”
Always back up your arguments with facts. This will make your speech seem more convincing.
Persuasive speech and safe words
Keeping safe words to a minimum will add decisiveness and build trust. How to speak confidently and convincingly, avoiding prohibited words:
- Instead of “but”, “and yet”, say “and”.
- Instead of “no” - “not now”, “not in this form”, “not like that”.
- Forget the words “simple” and “only”. Replace “it's just an idea” with “my initiative.” Don't discount your thoughts.
- Instead of “should” and “must”, indicate clear deadlines. Use the word “important”, “main thing”.
- Don't say "you should." It is better to use “I recommend you”, “you better do it”.
Remember: don't deny everything. If you want it to be your way, first praise the person for his diligence, idea, etc. Then make your own adjustments.
The main rule of persuasion
The whole essence of persuasion comes down to one thing: you need to show the person that your offer is beneficial to him. If you can clearly describe the benefits for your interlocutor, consider success in your hands.
The matter becomes more complicated when you want to convince the interlocutor of an unprofitable or unprofitable offer. Then the psychology of suggestion and persuasion comes into play. You can read more about the impact on the interlocutor in the article “Psychological impact”
Comparison method
So, if you set out to speak convincingly, under no circumstances should you do it head-on. Any changes are best implemented gradually. You should do the same. And the comparison method works best in this regard. For an example, we can turn to car dealers. If a sales manager immediately shows a car for $15 thousand, it may seem expensive to the client. For this reason, they always show the more expensive car first, say $25,000, and then show the one they want to sell. It no longer seems so expensive to the client, because everything is learned in comparison.
The same model can be justifiably applied in any other area that involves interaction with clients, including working as an administrator or manager of a fitness club. Start from expensive club cards and move towards cheaper ones. Why? Because in comparison with the former, the price of the latter will seem more affordable. And why? Because customers always react positively to price reductions. Satisfaction is achieved through the process of comparing “what is” with “what can be obtained.” Compared to a more expensive club card, the client no longer considers the cheaper one to be so inaccessible, which means that you have changed his attitude to the situation.
Persuasive speech: how to lie without your interlocutor noticing
The persuasiveness of speech does not make a lie look good if there is a lot of it. It is better to focus on the truth and omit unpleasant details. But sometimes it is necessary. To lie effectively, you need to believe your own lie, become part of it.
- Watch your gestures. Stand in an open position, look your interlocutor straight in the eyes. Better practice in front of a mirror. Remember - you are not lying.
- Think through everything down to the last detail.
- Deny everything. Reinforced concrete evidence does not work against you. You're telling the truth, haven't you forgotten?
- Don't make excuses.
- Don't apologize or humiliate yourself.
Have you been refused? Was your lie considered too far-fetched? They turned around and left. The interlocutor is waiting for the moment until you start begging him: then he will take a dominant position. If you leave abruptly without getting into verbal confrontations, your chances of winning will increase.
Association method
You've probably seen those TV commercials where they recruit people off the street to evaluate a product. On the screen, it often looks like a person who was brought in to test, say, a month-long English language course, talking about how well he managed to master it. The key phrase of the entire interview is his words “If it works for me, then it can work for you too.” And he knows how to speak convincingly (or at least he was taught). These are exactly the same people you meet on the street every day, and no matter how good their English is now, what matters is the idea, or rather the idea that they convey to potential buyers: “If I can do it, then you can too.”
Needless to say, the best way for you to learn to speak persuasively is to use the association method? Its essence is to show or tell a potential client that you, your friend, relative or colleague have achieved excellent results in gaining muscle mass or losing weight, although initially experienced some difficulties with this. Human nature is such that we constantly associate ourselves with someone. In career, in family life and including in the field of sports achievements. When two women communicate and one says, “At first I was also afraid of all these barbells and dumbbells, but with a good trainer I lost weight and toned my figure,” the second, on a subconscious level, thinks about whether she can do the same? At this moment, it is enough just to confirm her in your thoughts and say “If I could do it, so can you.”
Important little things that guarantee success
Watch for nonverbal cues from your interlocutor that indicate a willingness to cooperate:
- head nods;
- the body is tilted forward;
- verbal confirmations (yes, yes, of course, wonderful);
- carefully follows the progress of the conversation and your gestures;
- does not object, listens;
If your opponent expresses most of these signals, he is ready to agree with you.
But these signals indicate the interlocutor’s disapproval:
- crossed arms over the chest, closed posture;
- lowered head, unblinking gaze;
- distraction from the conversation (went off to sort through papers, fidgets with something in his hands, wants to leave);
- self-touching;
When a person is in a closed position, give him something in his hands and divert attention to yourself. Show him a document, a schedule, a presentation. Share a chocolate - it will put you at ease. After that, we begin to plan how to speak convincingly and beautifully.
Persuade and Influence
If the interlocutor is not positive, you need to win him over to your side. The psychology of influence and persuasive speech offer us several tricks to quickly win over a person.
How to be persuasive in negotiations:
- Create an informal atmosphere. Offer your opponent a cup of tea or coffee. At your own expense or the company's expense, of course (especially if this is a potential client). He will relax and warm up to you.
- Be brief. Condense your main idea into 30 seconds or 1 minute.
- Keep calm. Even if the other person is wrong, your composure is the key to success.
- Be neat. A neat and scrupulous person is more trustworthy than a slob.
How to make speech clear and intelligible
A person’s diction plays an important role. Correct diction is rarely innate, so it needs to be trained:
- prepare speeches on different topics, speak in front of the mirror;
- read more scientific papers, expand your vocabulary;
- say tongue twisters every day;
- avoid filler words;
- learn not to swallow words;
A persuasive person is a person who has 100% mastery of language skills.
Refinement method
It's about numbers. You will speak convincingly if you operate not with vague formulations, but with specific data. There are plenty of examples of this, literally at every step. Take, for example, soap whose packaging says “Kills 99.8% of all bacteria.” Would it sound just as convincing if? No. Which statement is more convincing: “97% of our aircraft arrive on schedule” or “Most of our aircraft arrive on schedule”? The data clarification method helps to build trust among customers.
When you name a round sum, it seems that it was taken from the ceiling. At the same time, exact numbers create the impression that the price has been calculated and is formed from a certain list of parameters. Every day in electronics stores or supermarkets you see price tags that say “Only $499” or “Only $498.50”. Firstly, 499 is no longer perceived as 500, and secondly, 498.50 is more credible, since it is clear that the amount was not rounded up to a larger number, which means they decided not to profit from consumers. Sounds quite convincing. A club card for half a year, for example, for $465, will inspire more confidence than if you quote a price of $400 or $500 for it. Clarification is always more credible than a vague generalization.
Useful literature about the psychology of persuasion
To consolidate the material, we advise you to read literature on the psychology of influence in your leisure time. List of good books:
- Psychology of persuasion. 50 Proven Ways to Be Persuasive (Noah Goldstein, Robert Cialdini).
- Psychology of persuasion. The main secrets of influencing people (Rob Jung).
- An easy way to stop procrastinating (Neil Fiore).
Remember that persuasive speech is the key to success in family and work. A housewife, a businessman, an office clerk, and even a freelancer will find the psychology of suggestion skills equally useful.
Intrigue with a phrase
Almost every person wants to speak in such a way as to intrigue and captivate any audience and so that people listen attentively and even with delight; I want to intrigue listeners literally from the first words - with one phrase! And this is a normal desire. Good speaking skills will help you find a job and, most importantly, not lose it and be a valuable employee.
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