This phobia is usually formed against the background of strong experiences and manifests itself as a result of emotional attachment to one’s parents, relatives, or other half. The degree of involvement indicates the level of manifestation of the problem. On the one hand, it seems that the fear of losing loved ones is completely natural and justified. And it’s hard to disagree with this. However, when it becomes excessive and crosses some boundaries, there is a danger of neurosis. For this reason, it is imperative to work with him and not allow the situation to significantly worsen.
Search for reasons
First, let's try to figure out what could provoke increased anxiety for loved ones. Of course, each person will have their own underlying reasons, which can be identified in individual work with a psychologist. But here are the two most common reasons:
- early loss of one of the parents or a painful separation that was not fully experienced. Then the fear of repetition of the traumatic event remains in the unconscious;
- lack of inner support, deep connection with oneself and personal meaning in life outside of family and relationships with others.
I'm afraid of the death of my parents and people close to me, because my life completely depends on them
This phobia occurs when there is a strong dependence on another person. Actually, complete dependence on loved ones can be combined here along with a phobia of the death of loved ones. And here again a certain selfishness can be traced. On the one hand, a person is sincerely worried about his parents or loved ones (fear for a child is especially common), and on the other hand, his anxiety is initially caused by addiction. His attachment gradually transforms into dependence, and then a panicky fear of the death of loved ones is formed, reaching the point of phobia.
The life of such an addict is filled only with worry about his own well-being, which he successfully disguises as concern and a phobia of losing loved ones. It is extremely difficult for them to stop being afraid of the death of loved ones; they often imagine pictures of the horrific death of relatives. Therefore, the size of this addiction and phobia can reach amazing proportions. Against this background, depression, persistent anxiety disorders or other mental disorders in the affective sphere develop.
Fear of losing yourself
If the reason lies in an unprocessed loss, then this topic should definitely be discussed with a specialist. The way to solve the problem in this case is different for everyone.
But what happens if the cause of fear lies in the second option? In this case, the sense of one’s own “I” is built through relationships with loved ones. Who am I if not a mother, not a daughter, not a wife, not a sister - what is my life?
And then the fear of losing someone from your family is more than the fear of losing a loved one. It's largely the fear of losing yourself.
With such a value on relationships, we tend to overly focus on others, trying to make them feel good. And we often forget about ourselves. As a result, this leads to a weakening of the connection with ourselves. We forget about our desires, we are not in search of our own meanings: “I feel good when they feel good.”
What else can support and intensify these worries about loved ones? This is an unconscious feeling that our anxiety makes some contribution to the situation: when I worry, I at least do something. This is a kind of protection against the inability to control the future.
Psychology of acquisitions ↑
The explanatory dictionary defines the word “loss” as the disappearance of something or someone. So it was, it was and it was gone. A wise Russian proverb says: as it comes, so goes. That's it!
A person comes into this world naked. All he has at the time of birth is his helpless body and his parents. Everything that then surrounds us is acquired.
But look how the fists clench when something hits them, how the hands reach out to everything, how quickly the baby learns to say the word “mine!” This normal innate instinct helps to survive not only in extreme situations.
It’s as if the baby knows that losses and loss await him ahead, and therefore strives to maintain balance.
The Negative Work of Fear
It is clear that this is an illusion. Our experiences do not help our loved ones in any way, do not give us control over the future, but they significantly worsen our lives.
- Fear consumes our mental energy, exhausts us, and it is difficult for us to engage in our own life and enjoy it.
- Fear narrows our consciousness, we stop noticing the good things in our life and the opportunities that could improve it.
- We waste time on these experiences, which no one will make up for us.
Treatment methods
You can cope with the manifestations of feelings of fear and anxiety on your own.
First, you need to analyze the situations that could be the true cause of the excitement. Next, trying to turn off emotions, you should soberly consider the reality of their threat. This helps you separate from the scary object. Switching to physical or mental work promotes distraction and dissipates the concentration of the source of excitement.
You can “play” your health condition. Sometimes a demonstration of confidence and calm is perceived by the subconscious as a signal to calm down, helping to stabilize the state.
Physical methods of getting rid of anxiety involve exposure to space and environmental factors. It is necessary to remove unnecessary irritants: turn off the Internet and TV, eliminate watching and listening to negative news, programs and music.
It is effective to use the following relaxation methods: breathing control with leveling, slowing down and slowing down breathing movements, contrast showers and self-massage. You should not take medications without finding out the cause of the problem, as this can lead to addiction. Allow yourself to ask others for help - this will reduce the uniqueness of your experience and help you gain peace and confidence.
If you are unable to cope with the problem of anxiety and irrational fears on your own, you should seek medical help. A psychotherapist will help you find out the true causes of the problem, prescribe an examination, and advise which tests to take. When treating anxiety disorders, diabetes mellitus, tumor processes, and osteochondrosis of the cervical spine are excluded, and blood biochemistry, hormonal levels, and ECG are also checked.
Panic attacks and other anxiety disorders can be effectively treated with body-oriented therapy, which effectively relieves tension, removes blocks and promotes awareness and elimination of causes.
Medication to combat anxiety disorders consists of taking anxiolytics, antidepressants and tranquilizers.
Prevention of causeless fears and anxiety includes regular physical activity in the form of sports, exercises, and breathing exercises. A nutritious diet containing essential microelements and vitamins is mandatory.
It is also important to adhere to a work and rest schedule and sleep that corresponds to human biorhythms. And taking care of your information environment is just as important as hygiene for the body, as it can contribute to pollution or, conversely, restoration and improvement of the mental sphere
Irrational fear and anxiety involve deep layers of the psyche. They cause a lot of trouble, but armed with knowledge and looking at them without fear, you can cope with this problem yourself, with the help of loved ones or by seeking help from a specialist.
How to help yourself?
Such fears are quite deep and individual, so it is difficult to give general recommendations here. However, if you are susceptible to this kind of debilitating anxiety, you can try the following:
- Realize that these worries are not only meaningless, but also bring harm to our lives: “If this does not help me or my loved ones in any way, then why do I need it?”
- Catch yourself in these fears and return to the present moment, because fear refers to the future, what has not yet happened and is unknown when it will happen.
- Returning to the present, try to fully enjoy what is happening, notice all the good things, spend more time with your loved ones - now they are still with you.
- Take care of yourself, understand your needs and desires. Do not focus only on others, but ask yourself: “What do I want and how can I do well for myself?” Strengthen your connection with yourself.
- Explore your life outside of your relationships with family and friends: your professional life (does it bring you enough satisfaction and meaning?), your hobbies (do you have a hobby that gives you positive emotions?), your small joys (those that only for you). And invest more of your attention and energy in these areas. ⠀
And then, perhaps, your anxiety will ease, and you will have more space for yourself and for life in all its fullness and depth.
Complex of manifestations
Symptoms of anxiety disorders are divided into two groups:
- Somatic symptoms. Characterized by pain, deterioration of health: headaches, sleep disturbances, darkening of the eyes, sweating, frequent and painful urination. We can say that a person feels changes on the physical level, and this further aggravates the anxious state.
- Mental symptoms: emotional stress, a person’s inability to relax, fixation on the situation, constantly turning it over, forgetfulness, inability to concentrate on something, inability to remember new information, irritability and aggression.
The transition of all of the above symptoms into a chronic form leads to such unpleasant consequences as neurosis, chronic depression and stress. Living in a gray, scary world, where there is no joy, no laughter, no creativity, no love, no sex, no friendship, no delicious dinner or breakfast... all these are the consequences of untreated mental disorders.
Focus on the present moment
Sometimes the cause of unnecessary anxiety is a well-developed imagination, which gives rise to unexpected options for the development of events. Many people tend to get hung up on coming up with negative scenarios. Often the basis for them is unpleasant events from the past, projected onto current circumstances.
Constantly rethinking your own actions, it is difficult to stop worrying, so such reflections are addictive. They require enormous mental resources and drain all mental energy, depriving us of the opportunity to work productively. Learn to concentrate on the current moment without tormenting yourself with unpleasant memories and without coming up with negative scenarios.
General recommendations for reducing anxiety
It is important to understand that you will not be able to get rid of anxiety forever. Only the dead do not worry and worry; a living person cannot escape from the innate feeling of anxiety, which is designed to save his life
So, if a person has an anxiety disorder and wants to reduce its severity, the following advice from psychologists will help:
- Anxiety does not like order and routine, so you need to go to bed and get up at the same time and make a schedule of your affairs.
- Sports are a great way to relieve stress. You can go to the gym and at least run in the morning a couple of times a week. Your well-being and mood noticeably improve almost immediately after training.
- No alcohol. Alcohol is a powerful depressant and is contraindicated for people with anxiety and phobia of death.
- Watch less TV, especially the news. Scary, unpleasant events, one way or another, affect the level of anxiety. And, in general, a large amount of information overloads the psyche and nervous system, which leads to general tension.
- Move and walk more: walks in the fresh air, pleasant communication with friends, shared hobbies lift your spirits.
- Communication with animals is actually a moment of therapy. You can visit the petting zoo, where you have the opportunity to touch and pet the animals, while experiencing pleasant feelings.
Learn to quickly eliminate or reduce anxiety
In Western psychotherapeutic practice, there is a fairly popular technique that involves using special “anchors.” It allows you to almost instantly stop worrying and move into a peaceful state of mind. The role of “anchor” can be played by any phenomenon: a favorite song, phrase or a specific tactile sensation. Experts often offer ready-made templates:
- counting table from 1 to 9 (you can enhance the effect by choosing a non-standard number segment);
- deep breathing with a specific rhythm;
- listing first names, last names, or street names in a specific order.
By creating such an “anchor”, you can quickly divert attention from disturbing things and switch to productive work.
Learn to be aware of anxiety
Despite the seeming banality, this advice is one of the most important. Sometimes it is enough to understand in time that a senseless panic attack is brewing in order to prevent it. If you allow yourself to worry, the experience will grow with every second. And having realized the excitement, you can concentrate on finding the cause. Most likely, it will turn out that the reason is not worth serious stress. You can almost always take control of your own feelings by simply recognizing what event is causing a panic attack.
Treatment methods
The fear of losing a loved one can and should be treated, and this should be started as early as possible. The best solution is an integrated approach consisting of several stages.
Psychotherapy
Using exposure therapy, a psychologist will teach the patient to switch from a “fixated” phobia to pleasant and more important moments in life.
We recommend that you read: What is the fear of snakes called - causes and treatment of phobia
When diagnosing a phobia, the psychotherapist will use existential psychotherapy, showing the patient the basic values of life. Hypnotic procedures will help you get rid of phobias from childhood.
After diagnosing a phobia, if the situation requires it, psychiatrists will prescribe the necessary course of antidepressants, sedatives or tranquilizers.
Independent struggle
Having noticed the above symptoms in yourself in time, you can help yourself in the early stages to stop thinking about the death of a loved one:
- Don’t isolate yourself – communicate more with your loved ones, ask them for advice. A confidential conversation will calm you down and eliminate dark thoughts.
- Use meditation, relaxation, aromatherapy to relieve tension and stress. In combination with thematic auto-trainings, they will give a lasting positive effect.
- For stable insomnia, use herbal sedatives - valerian, motherwort, peony. Read light fiction and beautiful poetry before bed.
- It's time for believers to remember God and start regularly attending church, confessing and taking communion. Father, having listened to the problem, will give the right advice and instructions, and teach you to be calmer about the inevitability of death.
- Don’t think about the future, but live in the present, work more, so that there is simply no time left for “dark” thoughts.
Experts recommend learning to cope with an impending panic attack of a phobia - convincing yourself that nothing bad will happen. It is better to minimize TV viewing completely, excluding negative news, and choosing to watch comedies and humorous programs. And if the phobia begins to “cover”, it is recommended to stop it with the help of breathing techniques. To do this, take a deep breath, hold your breath for 4-5 seconds, then exhale for a long time for 4-5 seconds. Repeat 5-7 times.
What harm does worry bring?
Unnecessary experiences prevent a person from controlling his own behavior and negatively affect his health. Let us note the most important negative consequences of anxiety:
- Decreased intellectual abilities
. The brain is the center of the nervous system, and it is where stress bears the brunt. Constant nervousness impairs memory and the ability to concentrate on tasks at hand. - Difficulty with self-control
. A person who cannot restrain emotions creates a negative impression in professional activities and personal communication. - "Broken Focus"
. Nervousness weakens concentration. As a result, we focus on the little things and lose sight of the really important things. - Chronic fatigue
. Constant worry is more tiring than complex intellectual work. A person who constantly worries about little things loses the ability to work effectively. - Bad habits
. Nervous people are constantly looking for ways to distract themselves from unnecessary thoughts, resorting to the help of tobacco and alcohol. Sometimes it comes to more dangerous means. - Real diseases
. Constant stress can result in serious health problems. It has a particularly strong effect on all kinds of inflammatory processes in the body.
Get rid of factors that cause nervousness
This method involves getting rid of habits that make a person nervous. Without bringing any benefit, they poison our lives, taking away a lot of strength and energy. Such habits include:
Smoking
Many people believe that smoking helps cope with stress. This is not true, since nicotine addiction makes a person more nervous, and a cigarette helps to cope with this condition for a short time.
Alcohol consumption
Like cigarettes, alcohol has a temporary effect. Even if it helps you stop worrying for one evening, the subsequent recovery of the nervous system will take at least a week.
Taking sedatives
Such medications can only be taken in short courses as prescribed by a doctor. If you take it constantly, the cumulative effect will be the same as from nicotine and alcohol.
Chronic lack of sleep
In an effort to improve themselves, many begin to skimp on sleep. At first it seems to them that they are very energetic and get enough sleep in 5-6 hours. But the effect of “lack of sleep” accumulates slowly and has a detrimental effect on health, so you need to sleep at least 7 hours every day.
Well, friends, we’ve sorted out all the basic steps that will help you stop worrying. Remember that they will only be useful if you remember them and apply them in practice. To consolidate the result, let's look at the harm that constant worry can cause.
Be prepared for anything
Often the cause of nervousness is an internal feeling of unpreparedness. It seems to a person that he is not good enough, has not understood everything, has not studied all the information, has not foreseen all possible risks. But procrastination usually does not improve the level of preparedness, but only makes us even more nervous.
Be prepared for anything. Try to anticipate possible stressors and don't view them as a failure. Calculate in advance how you will act if events do not go according to plan. Always think through several backup plans that provide for various errors and undesirable scenarios. By adopting this simple principle, you can stop worrying at any time and save a lot of nerve cells.
Plan the upcoming event, taking into account key points where deviations from the plan are possible. Think about what you will do in the event of unfavorable developments. It is necessary to identify several main blocks and provide for an unfavorable outcome for each. This will allow you to act with maximum efficiency, no matter how events develop.
