In your daily worries about family and everyday life, you may not immediately notice that your spouse has become so distant from you that he does not want to go to the cinema, visit, or go for a walk together. A similar situation occurs over time in three out of five married couples. But this is unlikely to console you, so it is better to try to attract the attention of your spouse and revive in him the desire to go out into society hand in hand.
Is the romance gone?
Before the wedding, you and your chosen one led a fairly active lifestyle: visiting entertainment venues, traveling, and visiting. But the years of living together gradually eroded the romance in your relationship. And now, when you invite your spouse to go somewhere together, he brushes you off like an annoying fly with the wording: “I’m tired at work”!
And it doesn’t matter if you are a dedicated housewife who “does nothing,” doing housework all day long, or a businesswoman who has dozens of men under her command who follow her instructions unquestioningly. At home, you may have a couch potato waiting for you on the couch, who categorically does not want to go out with you.
Where has the romance gone in your relationship, and why doesn’t your husband want to take the children to grandma and spend the evening alone with you in a theater or restaurant? Perhaps, having once taken offense at you for your lack of attention, your spouse did not find the opportunity to speak out, and this resentment settled in the depths of his soul and gradually grows like a snowball with new grievances.
It is also possible that you have become a habit for your loved one. He made every effort to achieve you, with incredible efforts he pushed aside all his rivals and won. Now that the job is done and the bird is in the “cage,” there is no need to make any more effort and continue courtship. Why these kisses in the last row at the cinema, if at any moment at home you can reach out and touch your wife. So the scheme - work-home-work - is now more acceptable for him.
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Another reason why you sit at home: your husband has stopped loving you. It happens - feelings pass. But a crisis in family relationships happens to many couples. So there is no need to rush to file for divorce and take your maiden name again. First, try to fix everything and return it to its former self.
What to do if your husband does not spend time with his family?
What to do if your husband tries not to spend time with his family or does not have time for this? First, try to figure out why this happens. A serious conversation will help you with this. Just don’t start making trouble and blaming your husband, just ask - what’s the matter? Be gentle and calm him down if he gets nervous. Listen to what he has to say and evaluate the situation.
Once you determine the reason, you will need to think about what to do next:
- If your loved one is overcome by fatigue, then let him rest. And it doesn’t matter that you need to hang a shelf or it’s time to go to the store for new furniture. But he will relax and understand that at home you can really relax, and not just do business.
How to improve your relationship with your husband?
- If your husband is afraid to take responsibility for the child and he is worried that he will not be able to give him everything he needs, then you need to support him so that he gains confidence that he will succeed.
- When a man does not show interest in his child, then it is very difficult to do anything in such a situation. However, his attitude may change, but he will have to wait. Perhaps for years. If you are ready to take such a step, then be patient.
- If your husband simply physically cannot spend time with you because he has a lot of work, then talk and convince him that money does not buy happiness. Try to help him earn money, find a job, learn to save.
- Change yourself if your character is not very good and you constantly reprimand your spouse for something. When he comes home, greet him in a good mood, and you can turn a blind eye to small shortcomings, because no one can do without them.
- Try to diversify your life so that your spouse wants to be part of the family. For example, you can play in the evening, take a walk, or do interesting things.
- If a man has found another one or has a different family altogether, then decide for yourself how you want to live further.
- During a crisis, try to support a man so that he survives it with minimal losses. He must understand that the best is just beginning, and family is the main thing in his life. You will definitely have to be patient and become a “vest”.
- Try to find common topics of conversation. It could be a movie, a band, music, sports, and so on. If your husband likes his work, then always ask him to share how his day went, what interesting things happened, and so on. You can even learn more about his profession to make it easier for you to become an interesting conversationalist.
The man suddenly turned into a homebody
What can push an active and cheerful guy to at some point turn into an avid homebody who cannot be pulled out of the apartment?
Fatigue from work is not taken into account - it’s just an excuse. After all, the spouse has enough energy to watch football or play computer games! But I have no desire to go to the premiere of a film together, as before. And if you point out such a discrepancy, the man will answer you in an irritated tone.
The reason for his reluctance to accompany you to relatives or friends may lie in simple laziness. He is not interested in listening to women's gossip or pie recipes. And he doesn’t want to watch a movie surrounded by laughing teenagers loudly chewing popcorn. It’s much more comfortable to turn on a video at home and enjoy watching it while lounging on the couch.
Sometimes, having married a long-legged, well-groomed beauty, the husband ends up with some kind of disheveled, unmade-up beast in a shapeless T-shirt and leggings. He is simply ashamed to go out in public with such a lady. And it doesn’t matter that at first he himself said: “You don’t need to put on makeup! You are already so beautiful to me...” Now his tone has changed: “How can I leave the house with such an ugly person?!”
The virtual world can captivate a spouse so much that he will rush home after work, solely to quickly get to the computer and his favorite games. Here he can do everything that is inaccessible in real life - shoot, kill, break, destroy. Therefore, he will only brush aside your offer to go admire the crimson maple leaves in the park. This is already an addiction that needs to be fought.
Afraid of “extra” responsibility
Such a man is used to being responsible only for himself. If I have money, I invite all the guys to the country complex, ride ATVs and barbecue! There is no money - I grabbed it from friends, it’s enough for beer and a basic snack, but I don’t need more.
There was an extra day off - I want to go fishing, I want to sit on the balcony with a tablet, I want - I don’t get out of bed at all. Once a month I transferred money to my parents on a card - and all responsibilities were over. I don’t fool myself with planning and some other people’s desires.
Always being “relaxed,” such a guy does not want to live together because he does not want to take responsibility. While you are outside his personal world, you solve your problems on your own.
And he understands perfectly well that living together will mean a completely different level of involvement in your affairs. Your repairs, vacations, sick leave, dacha chores, pregnant cats, etc. and so on. will become his duties. And he will no longer look like a knight who nobly helps a lady - he will become “Vasya-come-here”, who is obliged to help and support. This is what he doesn’t want – and he keeps his distance with all his might.
If your attempts to impose responsibility have failed miserably, read the article “How to change a man so that he becomes ideal” >>>
Children interfere with holidays together
In theory, children should bring joy to the family, but in practice the opposite is often true. With the birth of a child, the couple’s lifestyle changes significantly, which can lead to a cooling of relations between spouses. Moreover, this can happen both to families with many years of experience, and to those who hastily got married in the middle of nowhere.
The wife is completely devoted to the needs of the baby, and the husband, left to his own devices, comes up with individual entertainment. And returning him to joint hikes in the future will not be so easy.
It is important for all family members to rebuild in time, unite and survive this crisis together.
He values his bachelor comfort
This, unfortunately, is the very first and most common reason. An adult man who has lived alone for some time values his freedom and his own space. And most importantly, the opportunity to manage himself and his time at any moment - the way he wants.
Most likely, your loved one has some established habits, his own idea of the home interior, his own requirements for comfort - and so on. And he does not want to disrupt the historical course and order of things. Moreover, the last thing he wants is to “experiment” with the appearance of a woman in the house, fearing the changes that you will bring.
Getting used to living together, adapting to another person with his lifestyle, desires and habits is not easy. Perhaps your boyfriend doesn't want to live together simply because he doesn't want to change anything.
We talk more about this topic in the article “A man doesn’t want a serious relationship: what’s wrong with him?” >>>
How to mend old relationships
Having figured out the reasons why your spouse ignores going out together, begin to resolve the problem . First, try to bring romance back into your relationship. Hug and kiss your beloved as often as possible, talk about your love, give cute trinkets. Try to introduce innovations into your intimate life; your spouse will relax with pleasure and will not be able to say a categorical “no” to your proposal to spend time together outside the home.
To distract a man from the computer, come up with an interesting reason. For example, children want to see the fish in the pond or feed the pigeons in the square. Say that you have chosen some item in the store and you need your spouse’s advice on whether it is possible to buy it for your home. Be smart and you will definitely succeed!
But first, take care of yourself so that your husband is not ashamed to be around you. Paint over your gray hair, get a manicure and a trendy haircut. Sign up for a fitness class or a swimming pool and lose a few extra pounds. Your self-confidence will be passed on to your significant other, and your husband will look at you with completely different eyes.
The main thing is not to throw hysterics and scandals. Under pressure, you will not achieve anything from a man, but if you act well, then in the future spending time together will turn into a wonderful tradition.
Effective ways to solve the problem
Having learned the scale of the current situation, do not rush to get upset and panic - calm down and determine for yourself the likelihood of restoring your love relationship. If the husband has “sank” to the point of physical infidelity, then it is difficult to help with recommendations. You must decide for yourself: Do you need this man? Are you ready to forgive him for his betrayal? After answering simple questions, follow the following advice from psychologists to establish mutual understanding:
Try to understand your husband without judging him. Arrange a romantic evening where you sit at a round table in a peaceful atmosphere. Organize a constructive dialogue, after which you will find out the true cause, proposing ways to solve the problem. Remind your husband of the words he said at the registry office. The fact that guys have muscles and brutal stubble does not deprive them of sentimental and nostalgic feelings. Marriage is a holy covenant made in the sight of God. Give the man time to realize the magnitude of the above phrase. Avoid conflicts that provoke a worsening of the current situation in the family. Negative thoughts and depression are true “enemies” of reconciliation, so give up aggression and reproaches. Tune in to a positive mood, conveying a charge of positive emotions to your husband. Every spouse wants to return to an understanding wife. Take care of your own appearance - visit a hairdresser, sign up for a session with a cosmetologist, purchase a gym membership. Even a busy mother who devotes a lot of time to raising children can devote 1 hour a day to face-transforming procedures.
Find out about your husband's new hobbies by studying the specifics of the identified area of interest. Does he like football? Read information about upcoming championships on the Internet. Your knowledge in the field of sports will definitely pleasantly surprise a man. Be patient, because in the current situation, a decision will have to wait an indefinite amount of time. If you show dissatisfaction with a man’s “softness,” he will not think about changing his own position. A spouse's worldview can only be influenced through lengthy conversations.
Innovations will invariably revive the love relationship between spouses, which means that a man will be able to look at his wife again from a different angle. The main thing is to notice the problem in a timely manner, replacing dirty diapers with lace underwear and “provocative” stockings. Awakening sexual desire in your chosen one, with whom you have woken up together for many years, is incredibly simple. You know about your husband’s preferences and are familiar with your husband’s “weaknesses” - all that remains is to use the available information correctly.
If the wife understands in time that she can be a mistress, a loyal friend, and a reliable colleague, then the spouses will not have to have an unpleasant conversation about divorce. The longevity of a marriage directly depends on the desire of the chosen one to change, so when looking for the reason, be sure to pay attention to your own behavior.
He doesn't want to spend enough time together
This is exactly the scenario that women face all the time. If he is more concerned about playing, hanging out with friends, going to the gym, or spending most of his time at work, then this may indicate that the relationship is getting worse and may soon end. My boyfriend and I had the same problems before we broke up. He preferred to spend time with his friends rather than with me.
Mood swings
One moment he may look happy, and the next he may pout and simply not talk or even become almost uncontrollable.
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His attitude may constantly change and this indicates the internal struggle he experiences along with his changing feelings. In any case, this does not bode well for the relationship. My boyfriend also became more irritable, aggressive, and began avoiding conversations about important topics.
So what to do?
None of the situations we have described are hopeless. He is afraid of responsibility, is used to living “in freedom” or does not dare to leave his mother’s care - in any case, the guy loves you! But for him to want to live together, certain efforts are required on your part. But only without clarifying relationships and “loud” emotions. You can correct the matter only by being patient and armed with knowledge.
Don't worry and don't be afraid. Don't push or demand. Set yourself up for the best and know that everything can be fixed. Learn to behave correctly and communicate correctly with your loved one. So that he himself has a desire to never part with you. And of course, live together – happily ever after!
This is the School of Gravity. We are here to make you happy and loved! See you at the online meeting >>>
It's not that important to him
For you, love, passion for another person is a process that has a future. Relationships develop, move from one phase to another, and you expect development as something natural. But there are men who look at relationships differently. They only need to satisfy two simple requests, roughly speaking – “borscht and bed!” If this exists, what other “prospects”? He's had enough.
And it’s not that such a guy doesn’t want to live together - he just doesn’t really understand why. He has no personal request for intimacy, no need to protect you, take care of you, or be close to you. I bought flowers for the holiday, I had them at a restaurant last week, a set of underwear, a manicure, earrings with stones, money for a taxi - I provided. What else do you want from him? He honestly doesn't understand.
To convey to your man why it is important for you to live together, read the article “The Five Love Languages: How to “Speak” so that you are clearly understood” >>>
Lack of plans
Men are quite passionate creatures, and when they are truly interested, they will actively continue to meet their girlfriend for coffee, a movie, or even to plan a romantic dinner.
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However, when he constantly changes his plans and becomes more evasive regarding meetings and conversations, then this is a clear sign that he is gradually moving away. We also stopped going out together and no longer had romantic dates.
