Self-realization in the family is important for every woman. Therefore, in order to save the marriage, she is sometimes ready to make countless compromises and concessions. Most representatives of the fairer sex leave their husbands only in a situation of extreme despair, when they are finally convinced that further life together is impossible. After a breakup, a man often has an epiphany, and he asks the question: how to return his ex-wife home to his family? In this article we will try to give a comprehensive answer to it.
Is it possible to regain trust after betrayal?
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Trust is a simple but very meaningful word. It is trust that is the basis of any relationship, since trust, this invisible substance
, like powerful cement holds together that without which normal relationships are impossible.
If there is trust in your relationship, then you will sleep peacefully at night, feeling peace and tranquility. And it is trust that makes every phone call, every text message from your partner so welcome and enjoyable.
. And only thanks to trust can any relationship be preserved even when the partners remain for a long period of time at an arc distance from each other.
Set the record straight
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When betrayal occurs, this event is perceived as a disaster - nothing less. Emotions run high, a stream of mutual accusations begins, which develops into some kind of long-term military conflict
. However, nothing in this world happens for nothing. Everything needs a reason. And to clarify, we need to dig deeper.
Did something happen between both you and your partner that should have been addressed sooner, but was ignored?
Talk to your partner. Try to figure out what happened and why. You may be bursting with anger, no doubt, but if you really want reconciliation
, you MUST learn to listen to each other. The answers that are heard in such a dialogue often allow you to get to the bottom of that very first wormhole that appeared in your relationship long before the betrayal.
Cheating itself is just a symptom (and not the only one), but not the main problem.
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It is very important that both sides show a desire to start this dialogue - open, honest, although very painful. In other words, both sides
must be sincerely interested in:
- clarify what happened;
- be ready to re-concentrate the efforts that are necessary to rebuild the relationship again.
If this does not happen, then your relationship will surely die, agonizing in a flood of pain, regret and resentment.
Get your wife or girlfriend back: is there a difference?
It may seem that the wife can be returned in the same way as the girl. Legal spouses, as a rule, have known each other longer, run a common household, and often the couple already has children together.
But I hasten to upset you, the status of the relationship does not in any way affect the desire to leave. Of course, a woman can put off this moment for fear of condemnation from loved ones, jointly acquired property, or an established life. But when the boiling point is reached, no circumstances matter.
So the paths to winning a wife and a girlfriend are practically no different. The main task is to show that you are the best man for her, to restore faith. No amount of manipulation, threats, blackmail, or tearful requests will help in this matter; you need to act carefully and gradually.
Identify motives
People do certain things for certain reasons. Usually these actions are rational and important to the one who performs them. And such an act as treason is no exception. People who committed treason
, may feel hurt, lonely or unappreciated. Most often, they try to find on the side what they do not get from their partner.
Take a standard situation: one of the partners in a relationship receives less attention from the other. For what reason he is not given this attention is another question. Perhaps one of the partners is too busy with their career
, devotes a lot of time to friends or there were other reasons. And a person who suffers from a lack of this attention quite reasonably looks for it on the side.
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If on the path of such a person he meets someone who is ready to pay maximum attention, who is ready to spend all his time on communication and courtship
, it will not be difficult for him or her to reach the heart of a person deprived of this same attention.
It is also possible (and this is not uncommon) when the partner who was cheated on blames himself for what happened. There are also difficult situations when you did everything right, giving to your partner
the maximum that people in a relationship can usually give each other. But your partner still cheated on you for reasons that have nothing to do with you.
Motivation also plays an important role in maintaining or repairing relationships. And then it’s no longer so important what exactly led to the betrayal
– dissatisfaction with your sex life, some small old grievances, lack of the same attention.
Is it worth getting your ex-wife back?
A man needs to think carefully before taking decisive action. It is important to remember that a woman will never initiate a divorce unless there are compelling reasons for doing so. Let's look at the most common reasons for this decision:
- The wife turned into a servant and nanny for her husband: she is needed only to prepare and serve food, do laundry, and clean. The husband does not take any part in housework, he only uses the results of his wife’s labor.
- Mutual understanding has disappeared. She has accumulated grievances, but there is no point in expressing them: her husband does not react to her words and does not want to listen to her. Due to the inability to build a dialogue and lack of desire to meet each other halfway, contact between spouses disappears.
- The marriage was destroyed by domestic problems that the couple could not cope with.
- My wife lacks romance and attention. He prefers football, friends, fishing, and surfing the Internet to spending time together.
- The husband is dissatisfied all the time, reproaches and criticizes his wife, does not show due respect, is rude and rude.
- The husband is a lover of strong drinks and noisy companies.
- Sexual dissatisfaction of the wife, which can arise due to the selfishness of the husband, thinking only about his own needs.
- The family is constantly short of money, since he either does not work at all, or his earnings are insignificant and unstable.
A man must understand what are the motives for his desire to return his missus. If you only need her as a housewife, you shouldn't do it. Nobody likes to be used. Giving care is nice to those who are ready to give back. An attempt to win back a wife can be effective when the husband has sincere feelings for her
To return his beloved wife, a man must understand whether there is a chance of her return. Work should be done to determine the causes of the gap and eliminate them. If a man decides to act on the principle of least resistance and reassures the woman with false promises, the breakup will repeat, but now the spouse will most likely leave forever. Therefore, you should not waste your time and offer her a hopeless relationship.
It is possible that after some thought the husband will understand that the breakup was inevitable. And then everyone will go their own way to build new family ties.
Get serious about rebuilding your relationship.
How valuable was the relationship that ended in cheating to you? If the first passions
After you find out about the betrayal and have settled down, ask yourself the following three questions:
- Am I ready/willing to interact with her/him despite what happened?
- Do I still love her/him?
- Am I ready/willing to do whatever it takes to overcome this crisis in the relationship?
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These are complex questions that cannot be answered immediately, offhand. warm feelings and respect left in you
, which could become the basis for restoring relations. Ask yourself, for example, are you able to have fun together and share each other's company most of the time?
If you answered “yes” to all of the above questions, then, despite the long and difficult path left behind, it makes sense to make an effort to move forward together
. If you are willing to dedicate your lives to each other, if you are sincerely willing to work together to figure out the situation together, then the chances remain that will allow you to overcome these difficulties together.
If you accept this, then you need to move on. There should be no indecisiveness. Now you have a simple choice - all or nothing
. If you hesitate, then you are not ready to restore the relationship.
How to get your wife and child back
Any mother understands perfectly well that if she manages to meet a worthy man, then there is no guarantee that he will have warm feelings for her child. Therefore, the presence of children can play into the hands of a husband who dreams of the return of his wife. How to return a wife who left with her child? It's simple: you need to become an ideal responsible, caring, loving father.
Meetings with a child, active participation in the process of his upbringing and growing up are an excellent reason to communicate with your ex. Take an interest in the events of his life, show sensitivity and attention to his problems. Be aware of everything that happens to him. Good contact with your child will help you to be informed about everything that concerns the object of your affection. However, if you are interested in the baby only to find out the details of his mother’s life, without showing sincere feelings for him, he will quickly see through you. Children are acutely aware of falsehood.
Under no circumstances should children be drawn into conflict between spouses. A child should not become a bargaining chip in a showdown. Manipulating him can negatively affect the formation of his personality.
If you realize that you are not capable of becoming a good father, perhaps it is better for you to stop your idea and give a chance to a more worthy candidate to make your loved ones happy.
Contact a family psychologist
Jacob Lund
A civil engineer has an excellent understanding of construction; surgeon - in how the human body functions; and the psychologist deals with the complexities of human relationships. And if this were not so, such a specialty simply would not exist
. Almost always, rebuilding trust and wanting to rebuild a relationship is a difficult choice that requires courage. Sometimes with a lot of courage.
And since you have taken this step, but are experiencing difficulties on your chosen path, then why not take another one - turn to a family psychologist? People who are professionals
in matters of relationships and psychology in general, they know what to pay attention to first of all in such cases.
You and your partner may be quite smart and experienced, but you don't have to know, for example, how to operate on appendicitis. And don’t be embarrassed by the fact that you don’t know how to proceed after cheating.
. Third-party help, if it comes from a real professional, cannot be overestimated in this situation.
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A psychologist for those who have decided to cope with betrayal, forgive it and rebuild a relationship with the same partner, this is akin to a pilot who will guide your ship through stormy waters, avoiding rocks and reefs
. This is exactly what is needed not only by the person who was cheated on, but also by the one who committed the betrayal.
You found out about cheating - what to do?
Whatever the reason for betrayal, it is always tears and pain. Having learned about the betrayal of your spouse, the very least you want to do with him is destroy him, make him feel the same. But emotions will get you nowhere. In a fit of anger, you can make a decision that you will later regret. So what to do?
- Have a cry. Let all emotions go away with tears. Once you have calmed down, you can think and make a decision.
- Don't shout, don't threaten, don't humiliate yourself. Behave with dignity.
- Do not drag relatives and children into your family squabbles.
- Do not pay your husband in the same coin - do not cheat out of spite. After cheating, you will feel even worse, and your husband, when he finds out, will not forgive.
Forgiveness
You were fighting for your relationship. You worked tirelessly to overcome what happened. Your relationship is still quite fragile
, but at least you continue to work together to preserve and strengthen them.
Sometimes, despite the fact that you have not separated and hope to overcome the crisis
, feelings of resentment and even indignation persist. This only says one thing - the betrayal was not forgiven.
And then the victim of betrayal begins to use the situation in such a way as to extract various advantages from it. Phrases such as “it’s not for you to talk about this after what you did/did”
into your communication
every now and then . Treason begins to be used in disputes as a reproach; the person who has been cheated on constantly reminds the perpetrator that he has crossed a certain line.
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In other words, the victim of betrayal considers himself entitled to act as a kind of executioner (which, in fact, happens all the time). This means you haven't gotten over the betrayal yet.
– you, both partners. The cheater, perhaps, constantly feels guilty, giving in to disputes and conflicts.
This is a dead-end path that will not allow you to restore dilapidated relationships. Maintaining them for some time is possible. But build strong and trust-based
Only complete forgiveness will help the relationship rebuild. Complete forgiveness is when the victim of treason forgives the perpetrator of treason, and the perpetrator of treason forgives himself.
What to do if your husband cheats?
The first reaction of most people after discovering that their spouse is cheating is to end the marriage. Most women cannot even imagine a normal relationship after broken trust. The image of a husband in the arms of his mistress is infuriating. First of all, the thought immediately comes to mind: should I save my marriage after cheating?
But, remarkably, most infidelities do not lead to divorce. In fact, most couples try to reconcile after cheating and usually succeed. But even after a fairly successful reconciliation, distrust in the spouse often persists for a long time.
You might think that after a husband and wife restore their love for each other after an affair, all will be forgiven and all will be forgotten? Much can be forgiven, but not everything can be forgotten. In fact, many spouses find that memories of their spouse's betrayal haunt them decades after it happened.
Is it possible to erase the memory of this case? I believe that this is impossible. But the resentment associated with this memory can be overcome, and this is the topic of my article today.
I offer you three letters from my subscribers on the topic of betrayal to illustrate what hurt and resentment feel like for many people. And then I will explain how to cope with resentment in this most painful situation.
“Hello, Nadezhda! I recently found out that a little over a year ago my husband had an affair with a work colleague. The avalanche of emotions that covered my head was simply devastating and I just can’t come to terms with it. How to forgive your husband after cheating?
I know that my reluctance to make love to him before his affair may have contributed to his temptation, so I try to meet his needs now.
But the problem is that, although I still love him very much, I get really shaky when he touches me, let alone having sex with him. Whenever we try to have sex, all I can think about is the other women he has been with and these thoughts make me unable to breathe freely and I begin to choke! I have trouble sleeping and have a constant headache.
My husband says that the affair with that woman ended a long time ago and I need to learn to let go of this situation, but since this is so new to me, I just can’t, I can’t do anything. Please help me with advice. How to improve relationships after your husband cheats? What can I do to start getting better? How can I get my old relationship back after my husband cheated? KS
“Dear Nadezhda Alexandrovna, I am asking you for help. My husband and I were classmates. We got married right after finishing school and almost immediately gave birth to our first daughter. When our daughter was two and I was 20, I had sex with another man, just once, and felt terrible afterwards. My husband, when he found out about everything, was very hurt, but we still decided to stay together. Then we had two more children.
After much thought, I came to the conclusion that the reason I had sex with another man (whom I haven't seen since) was because I felt neglected and unattractive at the time. I think the biggest mistake I made back then was not telling my husband about these feelings before I decided to cheat on him with another man. And I so wanted to feel desired and attractive!
More than 10 years have passed. Life together after betrayal, of course, changed. Despite the passing of the years, my husband has not forgotten about my mistake. Today it is also fresh in his memory, as if it happened just yesterday. I feel deep down that he really learned from that past experience. I was young, stupid and immature. But whenever we have any disagreement, especially when I don’t feel like having sex with him, he remembers this. I have to live with the reminder of my mistake all the time, for 10 years!!!
Since then we have had many close moments. But my husband never forgets my past infidelity and says that I can no longer be trusted.
Please give advice if you can. How to save a family after betrayal? My husband is my best friend and I know he loves me. What can I do to help him finally find peace and overcome the memory of my wrongdoing? How to maintain our relationship after betrayal and is it worth the effort? Marina
“Nadezhda Alexandrovna, I ask for your help! Please tell me what should I do if my husband has been cheating for several years?
I have been married for 12 years, we have three children. Three years ago, my husband said that he had cheated, that two years earlier he had an affair with a woman (she was from another city and came to their company for an internship).
That he was very sorry and that it was just sex. Surprisingly, our marriage is better than ever. My attitude towards him changed, and we became much more attentive to each other's feelings.
Then, last year, he again admitted to having an affair with a woman, this time a close friend of ours. The affair was exposed only because the couple was going through a divorce and a friend threatened to tell me everything. The friend says she did it to get back at her husband for cheating in their marriage.
Once again my husband begged me to forgive him. I couldn’t understand how he allowed this to happen?!! This second affair began before I found out about the first betrayal. However, he allowed it to continue 2-3 months after he confessed the first time and after we started to really work on our marriage. He says he felt trapped and was afraid she would expose him if he refused their meetings.
After this second revelation, we went to a psychologist who advised us to be honest with each other because our marriage could not continue on lies. This time he confessed to four more affairs, mostly with women I knew. By this time I was so numb that I felt almost no pain. I just didn’t know how to live after my husband’s betrayal?!
Last but not least, he admitted that one of those women got pregnant. She was my friend. She didn’t want to give birth and asked him for money to have an abortion.
These few affairs happened within the first 6 years of our marriage.
I feel that after this he is honest and no longer hides anything from me. But the psychology of our relationship after my husband’s betrayal has changed anyway. SIGN UP FOR A FREE CONSULTATION
I love him and I feel like he has realized how much he loves me too. My problem is that I think about his cheating almost every day and every time I get very angry. From time to time I even tell him to leave, not because I don’t love him, but because I still can’t forgive his betrayal.
I only ever think about the women he was with at the time. I associate every event - the birth of our children, New Year, March 8, summer holidays - with a time frame when he slept with some woman.
How can I forget all this? How can I move on? I have the husband I always wanted, but his very presence always reminds me of the pain he caused me. I love him very much. I just don't know if I can live the rest of my life with him, carrying the pain that I have inside. I also find it very hard to believe that I will ever be able to trust him again. Yes, he is now devoted to his family, but what will happen during the midlife crisis when he is 40 - 50 years old? I can't trust him anymore.
When we make love now, every time I only think about the fact that he was with other women and negative emotions overwhelm me right over my head! Help me heal my pain. I'm already very exhausted, I have no strength anymore
Please tell me, is a harmonious relationship possible in the future after my husband’s infidelity? Is it worth saving the family after cheating or is it better to get a divorce before it’s too late and I can meet someone else?” Diana
My dear subscribers, thank you for trusting me as a specialist. I will try to answer your questions.
One of the most remarkable discoveries in my career as a marriage counselor is that marriages can thrive after infidelity.
Almost all spouses assume that infidelity will end their marriage before it actually happens. In their thoughts about the future, they cannot even imagine living with an unfaithful person. But what people think they will do in this case is not what they usually do. Oddly enough, after emotions have subsided, most couples are willing to make every effort to reconcile.
Give each other time
If someone has had an accident that results in a fracture, it will take a long time for the fracture to heal. But even then he will remind himself
, whine in bad weather, require special care and attention. Unfortunately, for many, betrayal turns out to be much more painful than a fracture.
A broken heart, even if you try to “glue it back together,” can take years to heal. Therefore, you should not be surprised that the situation does not let you go after a month, six months or even a year.
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According to psychologists, if couples manage to survive infidelity, it sometimes takes up to three years for the situation to be completely resolved
. Of course, a lot depends on the circumstances; much depends on the depth of feelings, on the sincerity of subsequent relationships.
However, if you are determined to restore your relationship, if you are ready to survive this difficult moment, give and earn forgiveness, you will need patience
. You must go through stages of anger, despondency, distrust, vulnerability and perhaps a feeling of shame. It is necessary to drink this bitter cup to the fullest.
Do not try to speed up this process - it is almost impossible. Take one small step towards each other
. Contact a psychologist when obstacles arise. Continue to move slowly in the chosen direction until the long-awaited healing finally comes!
Cheated on his girlfriend. How can I get it back?
A man who is dependent on a woman cannot change. He will be afraid of his beloved’s anger in advance and nothing will come of it out of fear. After all, adrenaline, which is responsible for the feeling of horror, blocks male power. This means that at the time of the adventures on the left front, you did not think about your madam.
A man is able to change only when he is in a strong position. This means that you were not afraid of losing the woman you cheated on. And also did not attach much importance to your relationship and did not feel emotions for your partner. But the girl who came to hand evoked these emotions. You succumbed to temptation and dived under the oncoming skirt to get a vivid experience. It's like bingeing on fast food after a long diet. Was it delicious? It's nice because now it's going to be bitter.
You don't like being a leader
There is no 50/50 balance of significance in a relationship between a man and a woman. If you were in a strong position, then your partner was in a weak position. A weak position causes a woman to be in love mode: she is afraid of losing you, constantly shows concern and tries to be closer. For the sake of preserving the couple, a lady in love will iron her socks and agree on everything, so as not to accidentally cause a conflict. In such conditions, the relationship is stable, the woman is faithful, the man is calm.
Most guys in a relationship with a submissive girl start to get bored. Because the usual model is to woo a woman, or at least receive regular jokes from her. When communicating with a problematic lady, a man experiences anxiety, a strong desire to take possession of her and fear of loss.
Do you think that such passion is true love? This means you are used to depending on your partner and are in a weak position. Therefore, the position of leader does not suit you: the girl is too submissive and does not give the desired experiences. For these experiences, you go to the left front: after all, problematic ladies live there, who will be called a bad boy and slapped on the ass. You can watch what happens next in the video about problematic relationships on my channel.
You didn't plan your next steps
This is the second proof that you are not capable of being a leader. Cheating was just an emotional outburst. Emotionality is a property of the female model of behavior, because a conscious man controls his feelings and thinks strategically. It turns out that you took a strong position with your legal girlfriend by accident. Previously, everything went by itself, now a conflict has arisen, and you don’t know how to behave in such a situation.
So you choose the simplest plan - no plan. In a relationship, this is always the worst option. When you don't predict a woman's behavior, her impulsive actions come as a surprise to you. It's like throwing the steering wheel of a car and hoping the road will turn on its own. Can you guess what's next? That's right: you'll end up in a ditch.
And so it happens: the lady notices something suspicious and the interrogation begins. Instincts fail and sooner or later you confess to what you have done. From this moment on, the balance in the relationship changes dramatically. At first, the woman is emotional: she gushes with negativity and threatens to leave you. You get scared, pathetic attempts to make amends begin. The relationship moves into an acute phase and a struggle for dominance begins, which you lose. As a result, you find yourself in the pose of a stooped dog, and your beloved is washing her skis for a trip to her mother or Vasily.
Put a dot here
The problems started with an impulsive decision to take the left path.
Then, just as impulsively, you made a stupid confession and accepted the blame. And in the end, he succumbed to emotions and tried to save the doomed relationship. Every step in this story was dictated by an impulse of emotion. As you can see, the feelings led to a sad ending. I recommend making the first conscious, rational decision - to put an end to this relationship. Admit your mistake and calmly leave forever. Be consistent at least this time. If you start running after her, you will become completely disgusted with both the woman and yourself. If you don’t know where to start, read the article “How to stop loving a girl and forget forever.”
Learn to appreciate relationships when everything is good
Only now did you realize that she was good and loved you very much? Did her departure and sudden unavailability make you see the light? Buddy, wake up - this is a dependent relationship scenario. Your feelings are dictated by a change in role positions: now the lady has the moral advantage, and you are emotionally dependent on her.
As stated above, your strong position was an accident. In fact, you committed treason, subconsciously wanting to turn out to be the guilty bad boy. After all, this is how you get the right to suffer for a woman and swim in the waves of love madness.
She left you - that's the end. You started for health and ended for peace: you yourself ruined the opportunity to have a stable relationship with a decent girl. You can start a total ignore and get her back, but you yourself will not change. You will again be pulled to the left and so on in a circle. In order not to find yourself in such situations again, you need to learn to value a calm relationship with a woman who loves you. It’s like giving up fast food in favor of buckwheat with salad and bland chicken: at first it’s boring, but then you feel how much easier life has become.
Be extremely transparent
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Yes, be transparent, literally like glass! After cheating has occurred and attempts are being made to repair the relationship, transparency is required from both partners, not just from the perpetrator of the betrayal.
, although this is primarily expected from the guilty party. Full transparency is essential to rebuilding lost trust.
Don't give your partner a single chance to think that you are hiding anything from him again. Don't hide anything, don't keep secrets
, because secrecy and secrets in your situation can be detrimental to the process of restoring relationships.
For example, if the phone rings, it would be unforgivably stupid not to let your partner know who exactly called you and for what reason. On the way to building a new relationship with an old partner
it is necessary to forget about small personal secrets. The period during which you will restore lost trust is simply inevitable in your relationship.
What is betrayal to you?
Different people define the concept of betrayal in their own way, and therefore everyone has different attitudes towards it. What do you consider treason? In what case is it impossible to forgive betrayal and we are talking about betrayal? Sex with a prostitute, virtual sex, phone sex, sex while drunk - men don’t consider this treason, but for women it’s probably not the treason itself that is much more offensive, but the fact that it has become known. No matter how a man cheats, for a woman it is a betrayal, because he broke all the promises of love.
Cut off old connections
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If you are the same person who, having committed infidelity, betrayed the trust of your partner, you need to cut off all ties with the person with whom you cheated.
. This means that it is necessary to exclude all phone calls, all messages, all email correspondence, not to mention any personal visits.
Once you and your partner have decided to go through this situation together, there should be no “last or goodbye” meetings with the one with whom you cheated. No contact at all!
If you've decided to leave this stage of your life behind, then that's where it belongs. Your partner who is trying to forgive you deserves it.
Perhaps you had reasons for doing what you did. However, you now have even more reasons to restore your broken relationship.
. And if you try to do this by maintaining contact with “that person,” then you will not succeed.
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Even if you have business ties with such a person, cut them off too. Otherwise, your partner simply will not have enough internal strength to restore his trust.
to you. Few people are ready to accept the fact that their partner maintains at least some connection with the person who almost destroyed their life together.
Stop discussing what happened
Treason has taken place. Both partners decided to continue living together, strenuously fighting for lost trust, jointly building on the ruins of past relationships
new relationships. Relationships for the sake of a future life - happy, full of trust. In other words, you both decided to move forward together.
This means that once clarity has been established and the motive has been determined, it is necessary to stop discussing what happened. We need to stop discussing cheating
, return to it periodically in your conversations, adding salt to an unhealed wound.
There is no better analogy than this: imagine that you get seriously injured. You received stitches and a bandage. But you, instead of giving the wound time to heal
, periodically you tear off this same bandage in order to... look at your wound. This is reminiscent of the behavior of a masochist, isn't it?
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If you sincerely want to recreate a strong relationship with the same partner again, leave the past in the past. Live here and now. Learn from what happened, make the necessary conclusions and judgments
, and then move forward. Otherwise, the healing period may take much longer (if healing occurs at all).
If you changed
Being the culprit of problems in a couple is a heavy burden. But again, in a normal, healthy relationship, both are responsible for the betrayal of one partner. If you know that you haven’t had enough fun and aren’t made for serious connections, why torment a girl with your trips to the left?
Break off the relationship
We are responsible for those who were bullied. So, be brave and take this important step - break off your relationship and go out as much as you like.
But if your mistake was an accident, there should only be one girl left in your life. And your reunion should begin by breaking up the relationship with your lover, if this is not a one-time relationship.
You can call her in the presence of your girlfriend so that she will be calmer. You have to say that you choose your girl. And that she is more valuable to you than having affairs on the side.
This act will not return your girlfriend’s trust. This will require a lot more time and effort. But you must reek of desire to restore your union. And yes, don’t ask your chosen one to marry you right away. This looks as stupid as possible.
Be prepared for quarrels and hysterics
You will swear a lot. Most likely, remember to each other all the mistakes of past years, even if you agreed never to talk about it, especially if you cheated. Your woman’s anger will burst out for a long time for any reason.
She needs to throw out all the pain and negative emotions that she has accumulated. And it is quite understandable that you will become the object of these attacks. Your task is to become an emotional garbage can for her, because otherwise she may begin to take revenge by spreading her legs in front of everyone.
Every time you will have to reassure her, tell her that you understand everything and you can fix everything, it just takes time. It's like a daily affirmation: we can fix this situation as long as we're together.
It will take some time for your girlfriend to return to her previous normal state.
Be patient
Is a relationship possible after betrayal if the cheater, instead of trying to correct the situation, breaks down? No. You must find all possible zen within yourself, stock up on sedatives and become the most exemplary boy in the world. It won't be like before. But you have a chance to build a new relationship that will be even better than the previous one.
Trust will take a long time to be restored. The attachment is also torn. The tenderness disappeared in an unknown direction. Passion has gone into binge. You have only you, a lot of pain, your joint and a blank slate. What you draw there will become a picture of your relationship.
Both of you are left with a strong residue, and it takes care to clean it up day after day. You need to restore her trust, and she needs to learn to trust you again. Be patient, accept negative emotions calmly and remember why you started this.
It is clear that you will have negative emotions. Anger, fear, shame, mistrust and sadness. Don't close yourself off and try to suppress it all. You need to try to throw out all the negativity, not accumulate it. And sports will help you with this: go to the gym, start running in the morning. It is not life-threatening and gives an adrenaline rush.
Keep your promises
If you committed adultery and are given another chance, you have an incredible responsibility. It's clear that you should be completely transparent and not lie to your partner. But this is not enough.
Now you must also be careful about what you promise. And if they promised, then they must do everything to keep these promises.
Say only what you mean and don't give false hope. Your optionality for a long period of time
will be perceived as a lie. Even a small attempt to embellish something can cause a suspicious attitude towards you.
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Each of your misdeeds will respond with a new blow to the structure that we call restored relationships. And any of these blows could be the last, destructive
. Not only be honest with your partner, but show that you are consistent and dependable.
Mistakes to Avoid
Many men perceive the end of a relationship painfully and, guided by emotions, commit rash acts that not only do not contribute to the return of their wife, but also alienate her. Here are some of them:
- Accusations, threats. Even if you are sure that your wife and her actions are to blame for the separation, do not attack her and do not blame her for all mortal sins. Dialogue must be constructive. Also, under no circumstances should you blackmail or threaten your wife. Even if she comes back to you out of fear, the marriage will not be happy for either her or you.
- Gifts, excessive attention. Romantic actions will not help restore trust; it can only be earned through internal changes. Excessive attention will only scare you. Expensive gifts will create the illusion that you want to buy love.
- Spontaneous actions. Act according to the plan, be calm and stay on track. Drunk calls in the middle of the night, your visit to her work and other impulsive actions will definitely not help.
- Jealousy. Of course, this is difficult to understand, but after breaking up, your beloved is a free woman and has the right to relationships with other men. Your task is not to scare off potential suitors, but to show in a fair and competitive fight that you are better and more worthy.
You will learn more about errors from the video:
Do together what you both liked before cheating
After betrayal, even if you have declared your readiness to survive it together, it is quite easy to get bogged down in everyday trifles. It’s very difficult to immediately abstract
from what happened and move on with your life. However, answer the following question: what was your relationship based on before the betrayal?
Any relationship is initially characterized by pleasant moments that need to be returned to again. Have a confidential conversation with your partner. Remember the things you did together
, and which gave you a mutual feeling of happiness. Think about all the places you have visited before; remember where you felt comfortable and warm together.
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It's time to visit them again! It's time to make dates again in the same places, go to the same cinemas, visit the same entertainment venues, cafes and restaurants. Such behavior will psychologically return
you back to the good times. Take them as a basis. And then organize new pleasant moments.
Cheating always brings chaos into the life of a couple, tearing it apart, breaking it into multiple pieces. The sharp claws of betrayal leave deep wounds on the heart, which take a lot of time to heal. However, they can be cured.
Sometimes it is simply necessary to destroy something shaky in order to build something stronger in its original place. And sometimes, in order to move forward, it is useful to look far back.
What not to do?
- Obsess over the situation.
And for the tenth time, complain to your girlfriends about your husband, “the dog and the goat,” go to psychics, tell fortunes using coffee grounds, and so on.
This will only make things worse. Yes, of course, you are a living person and you are in pain, but you don’t need to get bogged down in this pain. Otherwise, you’ll work yourself up to the therapist’s couch.
- Behave the same way as before.
If you don't want things to come to the same thing. Einstein said that the greatest stupidity is to do the same thing and expect a different result.
- Focus only on the man.
Shift the focus of attention (and therefore energy) to yourself. Urgently. Take care of yourself: gym, fitness, swimming pool, spa, new hairstyle, drawing courses, balloon festival... whatever.
You will begin to enjoy yourself and will “let go” a little, which will immediately affect your mood, self-esteem and your relationships, and your husband will look at you with different eyes.
- Retaliate or respond. No comments here.
Cling to dead relationships if you see that he doesn't want them. You need to get off a dead horse; a broken trolleybus won't go any further.
Don't try to save a relationship at any cost out of fear of loneliness or wounded pride.
If you feel that something has already broken inside, let it go. Work on yourself and you will definitely meet a normal man.
And think about this: if, in addition to your husband, in your close circle there were 3-4 more worthy men who were not indifferent to you, more successful, rich, and worthy than him.
Would you like to return it?
If you love each other and have decided to restore your family, you need to go through at least 5 steps.
Apologies
A person who keeps his remorse to himself is unlikely to be able to earn trust back. Be sincere.
To rebuild your relationship, you need to demonstrate to your partner that you are truly and sincerely sorry for what you did.
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This does not mean that you have to repent your whole life. But if you are not going to repent at all, live as if nothing had happened, and even in any conflict situation
make this clear, then you are hardly worthy of forgiveness. Express your sincere regrets and then move forward; restore what you destroyed with your own hands.
