- October 18, 2019
- Psychology of relationships
- Fedorova Victoria
Losing trust is not at all difficult, but regaining it requires enormous effort. Many women, faced with a similar problem, ask a psychologist: after my husband’s betrayal, I can’t trust him. After all, when your heart is broken, it is especially difficult to restore faith in it. What is the right thing for a woman to do? She should understand and accept the fact that the family cannot be preserved in its previous form. The connection between husband and wife goes to another level, which is normal.
Why is it important to trust?
Trust is one of the internal states of a person, giving a feeling of calm and stability. It gives confidence in your other half and helps you approach business meetings with other women without jealousy. A wife who trusts her husband calmly lets him go fishing or go to the bathhouse with friends. She knows exactly where he is and will not control him with phone calls or a sudden visit. Trust is an important component of two loving hearts.
If it is destroyed, then the man has committed a serious offense. As a result, trust in the relationship is completely lost. At the same moment, confidence in the dearest and most beloved person disappears. The woman experiences pain and disappointment. It seems to her that she will never be able to trust her husband again. When there is no trust in the husband, then such a relationship cannot exist - all psychologists are sure of this. In order not to completely ruin her life and not lose the opportunity to love, a woman must understand how to live further.
When not to save a marriage
Maintaining a relationship will not always have a positive effect on a marriage. There are situations when it is better for people to separate and go their separate ways. It is better for spouses to separate if:
- the husband does not consider his betrayal a bad act;
- a man justifies his infidelity by his polygamous nature, saying that he can cheat on you, but you cannot cheat on him;
- you have already repeatedly caught your spouse red-handed, he promised to improve, but the betrayals were repeated;
- a person physically cannot walk past a skirt; no stick can knock the womanizer nature out of him;
- your spouse accuses you of cheating, completely denying his guilt.
No matter how painful it is, no matter how many years you spend on marriage, it is better to end this painful relationship and allow yourself to be happy, even if in splendid isolation.
Trust is a complicated thing. To begin to trust a person who once deceived you will require a lot of vitality and wisdom. If love for your husband is higher than insults, disappointments and life's troubles, you will definitely restore the relationship. The main thing is that you both want it. Otherwise, this relationship will bring you nothing but frustration.
How to restore trust in your husband
A woman’s phrase “after my husband cheated on me, I can’t trust him” usually indicates that there are a lot of problems in the couple. This is a signal of reassessment of values and rethinking of your own life.
It is advisable to avoid emotional barriers in communication, and for husband and wife to become best friends, establishing a strong connection. Then the relationship will move to a higher level. And the woman will not have a question about whether betrayal can be forgiven.
However, in this situation one should not go to extremes and replace love with psychological dependence. A woman's happiness and self-esteem are not related to her partner's fidelity. The feeling of enjoying life originates within, always in positive thoughts. Women need to respect their own interests and needs and not get hung up on men.
How to save a family when your husband cheats? The wife needs to analyze how she felt when she learned about his betrayal. Perhaps this happened due to special trust in relation to her husband. Most often, women do this unconsciously, trying to live as if behind a “stone wall.”
A mentally mature person is able to independently take responsibility for his words and actions. For him, betrayal is simply an unpleasant fact. It hurts, but life goes on.
For an insecure person, betrayal seems like a collapse and confirmation of one’s inferiority. In this case, the matter is not only in the betrayal of the husband, but also in the complexes of the woman herself.
How to regain peace of mind
To understand how to restore trust in a relationship, women must realize that family life largely depends on the efforts of both partners. You should not shift all responsibility to the chosen one. Trust is a special part of love.
It is easiest for a woman to be offended, to revel in the pain and be afraid of losing contact with her husband. At the same time, you are dealing with your fears, and not solving the problem. A woman needs to leave this blaming position and let go of the past.
She needs to start living life to the fullest. Doesn't any woman deserve love and respect? You can continue to enjoy life and experiment with your appearance. Healthy selfishness has never hurt anyone.
A woman should open up to new knowledge and acquaintances. Thanks to this, her life will be filled with new meaning and relieve her of negative thoughts.
A woman should look for inspiration. You can also keep a “success diary” where you note all the good moments that happened that day. It's time to change your picture of the world.
It is important for a woman to monitor her health, which is a guarantee of her attractiveness. Over time, tragic events will become a thing of the past and will not become so traumatic.
When visiting a psychiatrist, many women ask whether cheating can be forgiven. At the same time, the husband asks for forgiveness and dreams of saving the family. How can a woman believe in his sincerity and return to her previous relationship?
Steps to reuniting with your ex-spouse
Step 1: Cut all ties with your lover.
The first thing to do is cut the third person out of the relationship. It is part of the existing problem, which means it needs to be gotten rid of. Break up with him, avoid meeting him; if this is not possible (for example, he is your work colleague), set strict boundaries in communication.
Step 2: Continue to communicate with your ex-spouse.
Men find it difficult to adapt to a new life after a divorce - you need to remember this. While his emotions are raging, it would be useful to make occasional calls to inform him that, for example, your son has a parent-teacher meeting that you cannot attend.
Important!
You need to talk to your ex-husband in a friendly and welcoming manner on the phone, look stunning at meetings, and unobtrusively remind him of the pleasant moments of your life together. You should evoke only positive associations in a man.
Step 3: Apologize and talk.
When a little time has passed, the man’s emotions will subside, you will feel that the time has come, you need to make an appointment, apologize and talk. Much will depend on your husband: is he ready to forgive and give you another chance. However, for your part, you can and should influence a man’s decision. An apology is a turning point. You have to go through it correctly.
Why does betrayal occur in a family?
In all situations, it is not recommended to resolve the issue rashly. A woman needs to be quiet for some time. And also find out what is the reason for the betrayal.
Sometimes the wife herself is guilty of betraying her husband. However, she has no idea about it. When he declares that after his husband’s betrayal he cannot trust him, then you need to find out the reasons for this situation.
The main reasons for cheating include:
- When a woman gets married, she stops taking care of her appearance. Nobody demands an ideal figure, but more than 100 kg is too much.
- A woman stops taking care of her clothes and hairstyle. It is much more pleasant to live with a well-groomed and beautiful wife. To do this, it is not necessary to visit beauty salons. It is important not to walk around the house in a torn robe and with disheveled curls.
- It is worth evaluating your behavior. If quarrels and scandals constantly occur in the family, then even love will not save you from betrayal.
- Jealousy is a dangerous feeling. If you interrogate your husband about women every day, this can also push him to cheat. After all, then the scandals will be justified.
To strengthen family relationships, it is important for a woman to show her love and fidelity. But this should not be done too intrusively.
Why do husbands cheat? In this situation, the woman needs to calm down and let her husband talk if he wants to explain. You shouldn't decide everything for him. All quarrels between partners are the mistakes of both. This also applies to betrayal. A woman needs to listen to all her husband’s arguments, and only then make a decision.
Letting go of grievances if a girl proves her loyalty through her actions
At first, you treat the girl the way your wounded feelings dictate. You love a girl, but you don't trust her - that's normal. Do not forget that time passes, and if a girl proves her devotion, then you need to let her treacherous act become a thing of the past.
It's normal not to trust a girl at first. But the situation will become destructive if, after a long time of the girl’s loyalty to you, you do not change your attitude towards her and continue to distrust her. It is no longer the girl who will be to blame for the destruction of your relationship, but you.
Confidence, faith and trust are words with the same root. When do they arrive? With time. In other words, you cannot immediately, but only over time, understand that you believe in someone, trust someone in something, and are confident in yourself.
Why does trust come over time? Right today you can notice the manifestation of certain character traits in another person. But you cannot be sure that they are his permanent qualities. Notice that even you change during the first few days when you fall in love. You become kind, gentle, affectionate, etc. But then the euphoria passes, you get used to it, the “bright” character traits pass and what remains is what is your essence. And if you really hate all members of the opposite sex, then this will only begin to manifest itself over time.
This is why trust comes over time: you want to make sure that the qualities, characteristics and habits that you observe now will continue to manifest themselves later. There is no need to rush to trust someone. There is no need to rush to immediately run to the registry office. There is no need to rush to immediately transfer your authority to a good friend. Until you are convinced that the good and strong qualities that you observe in a person are not permanent (and not feigned), it is better to leave everything as it is.
Of course, you can trust the person, but remember that much of what you observe now may disappear in a few months. Don’t forget that there are people who play, put on “masks” and seem good, there are people who quickly change when the circumstances of their lives change, and there are people who intend to change, but have not yet achieved their goal . Therefore, it is difficult to trust people if you know them very little. There's no need to rush. Trust comes with time. It is better to make sure that those wonderful and pleasant qualities of another person that you observe in him are truly permanent and not temporary.
Change your attitude towards the girl gradually as she does. If she proves her loyalty, then gradually let go of all grievances and forget her traitorous act, so as not to destroy the relationship.
Is it necessary to forgive betrayal?
Women ask psychologists whether it is possible to forgive betrayal and how to continue to trust their husband. You can decide whether to forgive or not after a one-on-one conversation. Women should not seek outside advice. This will affect the situation negatively and will not give the correct answer. After all, it is easy to completely break off a family relationship, but the husband’s return to the family may not happen.
If a woman can calmly assess the current situation, she will try to listen to her husband. By doing this she will raise herself in his eyes. After reconciliation, partners can even take a short vacation together. This will help you understand your feelings more accurately. And a woman will be able to understand whether or not she has trust in her husband.
How to get rid of the fear of cheating again
If a woman has decided to save her family, then she needs to trust her husband again. First, she must learn to control her feelings. A woman often has a feeling of fear that this situation may happen again.
How to learn to trust your husband after cheating? To do this you need to do the following:
- A woman should distract herself from such thoughts. She can go to the pool or gym. Communicate with friends more often. But you shouldn't start talking about treason. This will not allow emotions to cool down and will traumatize the soul.
- A woman can occupy herself with a hobby. This could be knitting, embroidery, reading books. She needs to change her style and hairstyle.
- You can engage in your self-development. Read fiction and scientific literature.
- The most important rule for a woman is to love and respect herself. This will raise her in the eyes of others.
- A woman should try not to be jealous of her husband, but give him freedom. Let him be afraid of losing his wife, who behaved wisely and at the same time looks wonderful.
- If a woman cannot cope with the current situation on her own, then it is best for her to consult a psychologist. This way you can solve the problem faster.
It is such a woman who will be able to attract attention to herself, and not a lady who is depressed. Seeing the changes that have happened to her, the husband will value his wife more.
How to forget your husband's cheating
When a woman complains that after her husband’s betrayal she cannot trust him, then she should learn to accept his apology. This will help her in the future. Apologies can be expressed in the form of regular help with housework, flowers, and walks around the city.
In some cases, the cheating husband feels much worse than the betrayed spouse. It gets much harder for him. After all, he practically destroyed the family.
After reconciliation, you should live in the present and not remember past mistakes. Forgiving your husband's infidelity is a wise decision that only a strong woman can make.
After all, such situations happen in many families. And not all women are able to forgive, but only some. Sometimes this makes the family stronger, and the husband begins to appreciate his wise wife.
Scandal, excuses and other means that will not help restore trusting relationships
The following methods are strictly not suitable for reconciliation:
- an attempt to justify yourself, which will show your partner that you have not repented of what you did;
- screams and hysterics. Even if your loved one behaves aggressively, do not respond in the same manner. After all, he is the injured party, and you are to some extent a “criminal”;
Screaming is the wrong way to convey information to an offended person
- seeking help in resolving the conflict from third parties. Such behavior will only aggravate the situation and increase the intensity of passions.
Sometimes you need to be friends
How to behave after your husband cheats? Women often ask themselves this question. Psychologists advise, after a surge of emotions, to express to the spouses everything that specifically does not suit them. This is done in order to prevent repeated betrayals.
If a woman has decided to forgive a man and save her family, then at first it is best for them to be best friends. After betrayal, you should not blame your husband for all mortal sins. It should not be forgotten that a decision has been made to start the relationship again. It's best not to touch on the past.
Take responsibility
When an adult commits adultery, this is his conscious action, and blaming someone for what happened is simply not serious. Take responsibility for the wrongdoing and confess yourself. There is no need to wait for pressure from the outside, or for some circumstances after which it will be unacceptable to remain silent:
- stop blaming your significant other for what happened. Even if there was a lack of attention on the part of the husband, this is not a reason to cheat;
- do not rely on sympathy during a conversation;
- Avoid false apologies and excuses. Be honest with yourself first. In any case, you acted without coercion, so take courage, stop shifting responsibility to others;
- Avoid giving arguments to justify yourself. They simply cannot exist.
You can get a guy back after cheating with sincere regret and repentance. More emotions and honest confessions, and perhaps feelings will be restored and trust will return.
How to strengthen relationships
To build trust in a relationship, spouses need to spend more time with each other. If you don't have a vacation planned, you can travel on weekends. At this time, a woman will be able to discover new character traits of her husband.
From time to time, thoughts about betrayal will pop up. Especially initially. Spouses should not start a conversation about this. As a result, all efforts will go to waste and the family will fall apart.
If a woman doesn’t know whether cheating can be forgiven, then the most ideal option is to cross out the past. It is best to start your married life anew. And try not to make mistakes that served as a reason for betrayal. Ideally, the couple can have another honeymoon.
