In this article we will tell you:
- 5 reasons why husbands cheat
- Should a wife forgive her husband's infidelity?
- 12 tips from a psychologist on how to forgive your husband’s betrayal and move on with your life
- Situations when you can’t forgive and let go of your husband’s infidelity
Many women, through their own bitter experience, have to decide for themselves how to forgive their husband’s infidelity. Unfortunately, there are not so few of them. Husbands are pushed into adultery for various reasons. If going “to the left” has not become a habit, if feelings are still strong despite the mistake, if there is someone to save the family for, many women decide to forgive the betrayal.
But this is much more difficult to do, especially when the heart is torn by resentment and the very fact of betrayal. And if loved ones do not support, blaming the woman herself, it is even more difficult to let go of the situation. Our advice will help you make a decision and forgive your husband’s betrayal in order to part with the past forever.
How to forgive your husband's betrayal and move on? (11 tips from a psychologist)
Psychologists advise to first throw out your emotions, otherwise they will only hinder the return of peace of mind in the future. Breaking dishes helps some people. However, it may take a whole mountain of it. It’s easier to turn to your friends, cry into their “vest,” and talk it out. Even if the story is repeated, you need to continue it until the woman herself gets tired of complaining.
Another way to express your emotions will be:
1. Listening to loud music.
2. Brisk walks, jogging, heavy physical activity.
3. You can do something useful. The main thing is to keep your hands busy all the time.
The main rule is not to show an outburst of feelings to your unfaithful spouse. However, anger simply needs a way out. At the same time, psychologists note that although speaking out is useful, when reproaching an unfaithful spouse, there is a risk of moving away from him even more.
Should I forgive my husband for cheating? When this is an isolated case, then you should not immediately “cut in from the shoulder.” If a woman does not want to lose her husband and wants to continue life with him, it is better to use the “empty chair” technique. You need to imagine this object and your spouse sitting on it and begin to express all your grievances and emotionally throw out your anger.
It's better to speak into empty space. At the same time, the feeling of resentment will melt with every phrase spoken. The result is that the risk of a conflict situation that will lead to divorce or a new outburst of anger is reduced.
Accept what happened
After the woman speaks out, a stage comes when what happened should simply be accepted as a fait accompli. The main thing here is to remain reasonable. Anger will prevent you from soberly assessing the situation. If there is a desire to save the family, a woman should remain calm. The most correct, but not so easy, solution is to let go of the pain. It is important to accept the fact that what happened cannot be changed.
Betrayal has taken place, now we need to focus on improving the future. To do this, you need to work on yourself and try to fill your days with only positive emotions.
Make your husband repent
Traitors always tend to blame others for their betrayal. Quite often, the coldness of the spouse is to blame. In other cases, the cheating husband tries to simply arouse the pity of others by blaming his wife. A woman should not allow herself to feel guilty. Adults get married. Shifting responsibility for your actions to someone else is just “kindergarten”.
You can forgive only if it was an isolated incident, committed out of stupidity and when the spouse sincerely repents of what he did. In other cases, and especially when husbands try to press for pity, these are immature individuals who are ready to repeat the offense in the future.
Frank dialogue
For some men, infidelity is just an accident, a temporary “cloudness of mind.” If they want to save their family, then they are interested in the question “do women forgive their husband’s infidelity?” It depends on the character of the woman and the specific life situation.
Often the spouse’s behavior leads to male infidelity. Before blaming her husband, a woman should look at herself from the outside (including her inner world). If there is such an opportunity, it is best to “talk heart to heart.” Such a discussion will reveal where the cracks in the relationship begin and make it possible to return the old feelings. A woman should not blame her husband, she should listen to him. At the same time, it is very important to remain calm and control your emotions.
Aggression will only automatically provoke defense. Then the husband will no longer open his thoughts to his wife. Often a peaceful, frank conversation can resolve a conflict situation. At least we can remain friends.
If your husband cheated once, it may happen again. Trust that has already been lost is very difficult to regain. You can try to talk about late calls, coming home, etc. Express how this is perceived from the female side. If a spouse values family life, he will try to correct the situation and gain lost trust.
Remember good moments
Don’t dwell on the negative – betrayal. You need to try to remember the good moments that were initially as often as possible. Re-experience the joy of the first meeting, a kiss, try to return that feeling of joy that was during the meetings.
Experiencing small, but family joys will help you gain peace of mind. At the same time, you need to remember all the virtues of your husband, because he once deserved love. All his good qualities need to be spoken out loud. This will automatically and unconsciously help you forgive the betrayal and the pain caused.
Living separately
To think about the situation, both spouses need to be alone. A good solution is to temporarily live separately. This will help not only regain your independence, but also understand how great the value of marriage was. After time, the woman herself will understand what she wants to do next and how to build her life.
New hobbies
New hobbies will also help you forget. If there are free hours left in the day, you need to take them completely. Then depression will stop bothering you. For example, you can go in for sports. Fatigue relieves stress well, and the body begins to produce “happiness hormones.” Yoga will help you achieve harmony.
You can do renovations, remodeling your apartment, photography, etc. Any activity that you like will distract you from sad thoughts and give you positive emotions. Monotonous work that needs to be done with your hands is especially helpful.
Take care of children
Children always give us strength to get through even the most difficult times. We need to pay them even more attention, communicate more often, and take walks. Kids always feel discord in the family and at this time it is very difficult for them. However, it is impossible to punish a father by prohibiting him from seeing his children.
Increase self-esteem
Insecure women have the hardest time dealing with their husband's betrayal. Men like just their antipode. You need to try to distract yourself, laugh, have fun and attract the attention of the opposite sex. It is recommended to update your wardrobe and start visiting fitness and beauty salons.
It is important to increase your own self-esteem by any means. (Read how to deal with low self-esteem). To do this, you can even remember compliments. Ask a friend to describe your strengths. Even better is to write down even every little thing, and then re-read the notes. It is important to regain faith in yourself and a sense of admiration from others.
You can't be jealous
How to forgive and forget your husband's betrayal? After the betrayal of your husband, it is very difficult to trust another person. Jealousy often stands in the way of returning harmony to a relationship. We need to try to understand why the husband left for another woman.
Help from a psychotherapist
Psychotherapists can help cope with the problem. They will be able to assess the problem impartially. An outsider's view can reveal nuances that even both sides of the conflict do not see. Any situation can be overcome, the main thing is the desire, including for correction. A psychologist will help you regain self-confidence, cope with depression, despair, and low self-esteem.
11. Waiting
There is no need to “cut in the heat of the moment.” It takes time to cope with pain and resentment. You shouldn't pretend to be a happy woman if you're not. It is advisable to delve into the past and remember mutual grievances, and then let them go. You should not torment your spouse with constant reminders, this will only push him away even more.
Key words
As a psychologist, I understand well what a woman experiences when her husband cheated on her. It is not easy to realize this betrayal and learn to live with this thought, with the understanding that the closest and dearest man can, while in a relationship with you, choose another person. Even more difficult is to accept your husband even after this terrible act, try to trust him again, improve relationships and learn lessons.
Now you need to live the pain you are experiencing and be in it. There is no need to fence yourself off from it, deny it or fight it. To be able to win the game, you need to accept its rules. I can go on for a long time about how bad your husband is, that he did this to you, lament, say: “How could he!”, “This is unworthy!”, “How can the earth even bear such people!” And such words really take place, regardless of the reasons for the betrayal, even if your responsibility also played a big role here. But in this way I will only cultivate the victim in you, pitying and blaming the other. Also, by blaming and criticizing your husband, I will only increase the time during which you can forgive him. And to forgive now is your main task, because you want to feel better. So let's get to it.
How to behave after forgiving your husband for cheating?
Is it worth forgiving your husband’s infidelity if this is an isolated incident? This situation indicates problems in the family. Quite often, after marriage, a woman gradually stops taking care of herself, completely dedicating her life to her children or her beloved spouse. However, we must not forget about our own appearance. To return to your previous relationship, you will have to work on yourself.
After your husband’s betrayal, it is advisable to live separately for some time. This will give the opportunity to understand her own feelings, and the woman will then be able to appear before her husband, having changed in appearance. If you have common children, there is no need to prevent their communication. There is no need to ask your husband to come back. Reconciliation is a long process. This is a difficult period and both parties must restore the relationship.
You won't like what you read here.
Some of what is written below may stress you out... Some may simply be bombarded.
Well, I never shoot sunbeams into the asses of my readers. I tell it like it is. I operate with my knowledge of the workings of the human mind, impartial observation of people and real statistical data.
Therefore, if you have a negative response, I recommend asking yourself - what of what you read do you simply not want to accept?
If you fundamentally disagree with what was written, express your disagreement in the comments. I'm sure we'll have an interesting discussion from this.
The article will be structured as follows. First, I will give you my definition of adultery. This is necessary because by adultery different people mean different things.
Next, I will give you two definitions of forgiveness. Based on which definition you use, the answer to the question “Should you forgive your husband for cheating” will most likely be different. I'll give you detailed comments on each of these definitions and even give you some statistics to support my point of view.
Finally, in conclusion, I will answer the question of whether you should forgive your husband. I will also give you an action plan, following which you will be able to answer this question yourself, applicable specifically to your situation.
Should cheating be forgiven?
When considering whether to forgive your husband’s infidelity, it is worth recalling several arguments for reconciliation:
1. This could only happen once, absolutely by accident, and the man does not feel any feelings for his mistress. Especially if he apologized and repents of what he did.
2. Shared values. This could be children, business, housing. Is it worth losing this because of a single man's mistake?
3. Loneliness is always bad for any person.
4. Forgiveness is a noble act (read what nobility is). He will let the man know that the one he cheated on is loving and strong. Most often, betrayal will not happen again.
However, there is another side to the coin - the constant infidelities of the husband, should I forgive this or not? If this is repeated systematically, it means it will continue until the devoted woman changes and again attracts the attention of her lover. In this case, there are only two options - to separate or turn a blind eye to infidelity.
Responsibility versus guilt
I understand how great the risk is now of blaming my husband for all my troubles and falling into a state of self-pity. I understand how strong the resentment is and the thoughts that “I was betrayed,” “he is to blame,” “how could he,” “I would never do that.”
Unfortunately, such thoughts are a surrogate for self-love, and lead to nothing but loss of energy, powerlessness and the cultivation of a whining, pitiful part of the personality. They do not lead to action and only make you an even weaker person, and do not in any way contribute to further improvement of relations with your husband, rather the opposite. After all, only if you take, at least partially, responsibility for what happened and start doing something to prevent it from happening again, only in this case can you change something.
In order for you to get out of the impasse in which your relationship has now reached, and to create in your partner the desire to always be faithful to you, I wrote for you the book “Into a happy relationship through self-love.”
She will help you figure out what exactly happened between you, what problems created your husband’s desire to change, and how to solve them now so that it doesn’t happen again. In this book, I analyze all aspects of relationships, and tell you how to practically build relationships that are faithful to each other.
After reading the book, you will become a magnet for your loved one, strengthen and return passion and attraction, revive desire and interest. You will become the person you want to run home to from work and with whom you want to spend time. The book is written in a theory-practice format, and as you read, you will be able to immediately implement the acquired knowledge and improve the climate in your relationships.
As you might have guessed from the title, all of these things are based on self-love. Only by knowing yourself and learning to treat yourself with love will you be able to build healthy relationships in which no one will have the desire to look the other way.
You can read the full description of the book, read reviews and purchase the book using the link.
A positive response
If you want to save your family, the question of how to cope with your husband’s betrayal will be resolved by itself. You have already found out what caused this situation. Try to talk with your spouse about joint future plans. His apology should be accepted with dignity. There is no need to listen to lengthy excuses or details of what happened to him. This issue should be closed.
A reasonable solution would also be temporary separation, which will help you finally decide whether it is worth continuing your relationship with your spouse.
What factors influence the possibility of forgiving a husband?
Psychologists recommend taking a break after cheating, sorting out your feelings, thinking about what is happening in order to make the right decision on how to live further. It would be a good idea to live alone for a while in order to assess the situation in a calm atmosphere. The fact of forgiveness is influenced by the following points:
- Have there been any betrayals before?
- Duration of betrayal: one-time meeting or long-term affair.
- What was the betrayal based on: “drunkenness” or love.
- Does he respect you, does he support your reputation?
- How I found out about the betrayal.
- Does he make any attempts to save the marriage?
- What prompted him to cheat, was it your fault?
- What was your relationship like before the cheating happened?
Is it possible to forgive a man's betrayal?
By collecting this information, you will understand whether you should take the step of forgiveness or not.
