How to cope with your husband's betrayal: advice from a psychologist. Should you forgive your husband's betrayal?

November 22, 2019
Psychology of relationships
Marusya the Cat

Many women want to know how to cope with their husband's cheating. This situation, unfortunately, is not uncommon. However, each case is inherently individual.

Some ladies prefer to quickly forget this sad story, others remember it for the rest of their lives, and still others break off the relationship and file for divorce. Experienced psychologists are ready to share their recommendations on how to survive such a situation.

Psychology of betrayal

The situation when a husband cheats on his wife, unfortunately, is not uncommon. By nature, men are polygamous, so they have a desire for diversity. There are two main reasons forcing representatives of the stronger sex to take this step. The first is a thirst for sexual variety. The second is the desire to add a little spice to bland family everyday life. If we consider the second reason, then we need to pay attention to the following aspects:

Lack of understanding. If there is no mutual understanding in the family, sooner or later a man will go in search of a woman who can become his like-minded person.
The grumpy nature of the spouse. If a wife is constantly dissatisfied with something, but cannot correctly formulate her demands (she prefers to silently be offended, grumble, quarrel, tactlessly sort things out), the man will go to a more affectionate and flexible friend.
Appearance. Often the reason for cheating is the wife’s reluctance to take care of herself. The man stops receiving aesthetic pleasure from her appearance and leaves for someone else.
Thirst for new conquests. Some guys themselves cannot even characterize cheating and clearly explain its reason. Even with ideal family relationships, they look for adventures on the side.
Instinct. There is a category of men who cannot calmly react to female beauty. As soon as they see an attractive woman, they immediately forget that they are connected by marriage.
Adrenalin. Some guys can't do without adrenaline; they don't like the calm flow of life. The thirst for risk and new sensations pushes them to take such a step.

Ways to protect your relationship from cheating

In order to prevent possible betrayal, a woman needs to pay attention to creating a positive mental microclimate in the family. It’s a good idea to introduce such a wonderful family tradition as a weekly romantic dinner at home or in a restaurant. It is worth making decisions together and discussing particularly sensitive issues in order to avoid the accumulation of grievances and claims. Spouses who want to improve their relationship and bring a fresh breath into it should take into account the following recommendations from psychologists:

Find a hobby or hobby that will be interesting for both partners. This could be tennis, horse riding, rock climbing, or a more relaxing activity such as billiards or exotic language courses.
Agree on personal time when husband and wife can calmly take care of their own affairs or simply watch news on social networks or favorite TV series.
Periodically arrange romantic meetings outside the home. A change of scenery is conducive to improving relationships.

Situations should not be allowed where a man constantly comes into conflict with the adult son or daughter of his partner from a previous marriage. Psychologists do not recommend being torn between the concepts of “mother” and “wife,” so you need to make efforts and certain diplomatic talents to create the most comfortable environment within your own home.

Signs of betrayal

Don’t panic if the thought is constantly spinning in your head: “I suspect my husband of cheating, how should I behave?” You need to find out whether the man is actually cheating. Perhaps this is just your erroneous assumption.

In some cases, intuition turns on - you feel betrayal on a subconscious level. However, most often this is simply a figment of the imagination of a loving woman. To verify the presence or absence of infidelity, you need to turn to the recommendations of specialists. They distinguish the following changes in the behavior of an unfaithful spouse:

Nervousness and irritability. The man constantly avoids communication, reacts sharply and aggressively to any comment from his wife, and is often in a bad mood.
Overtime and business travel. Lovers need to meet, and this does not fit into a man’s current life, since he needs to return home from work on time. This is where emergency situations and sudden business trips arise.
Secret communication. The guy starts hiding his phone, never lets it out of his hands, and goes out to negotiate if there is a call to another room.
Increased attention to your appearance. A particularly careful selection of clothes, regular changes of underwear, visits to salons and gyms, if previously this time was used for watching TV or other recreation with the family, suggests that the man has a mistress.

How do wives find out about their husbands' cheating?

All of the above signs are not always a consequence of the fact that a man is cheating. They may just be a banal coincidence. To be completely sure, a woman needs to look more closely at her husband’s behavior. Here are a few additional signs that indicate that the husband has a mistress:

Called you by a different name. If this happened by accident, and the husband has nothing to fear, his reaction will be calm. If he himself is afraid of the spoken name or does it repeatedly, there is reason to doubt his loyalty.
My husband's expenses have increased. Since additional funds need to be spent on a mistress, the husband may have problems with money.
Traces of cosmetics and perfumes appeared on clothes (lipstick, powder, perfume).
Traces of female presence in the car (hair, hairpins, lipstick, underwear, persistent aroma of perfume).
Scratches appeared on the body (for example, on the back) and face.

Define concepts

pexels.com

What is treason? No, we will not now sprinkle with elementary definitions or cite concepts from Ozhegov’s dictionary. After all, you really don’t care what the authors of textbooks think about this or how this concept sounds in dictionaries. You're in pain, and that's the most important thing. Right now you need to start not with breaking dishes and tearing out your opponent’s hair. You need to start by defining for yourself: what it is for you.

According to statistics, the concept of betrayal between men and women is completely diametrical. Women for the most part consider spiritual feelings to be cheating. If some nymph simply inspired your man to the feat of giving a dandelion, is that cheating? Men usually don't pay attention to such little things. Is sex with another person the worst kind of betrayal? What if you have no feelings? What if you're drunk? What if your spouse doesn’t have sex on his side, but love?

Decide what exactly you consider cheating. Now transfer everything to your situation. Does what happened fit your situation? To suit your picture of the world.

If it turns out that the husband had sex while drunk, and he really doesn’t love this madam. Maybe there is a reason to save the family?

What if it turns out that your wife fell in love with a Tinder macho man via correspondence, and she has never even seen him. Maybe it makes sense to go to a psychologist and... save the family?

Types of betrayal

The situation when a husband cheats on his wife can be serious or spontaneous. In each individual case, the woman is advised to figure out why this happened. Psychologists identify the following types of betrayal:

Spiritual. Here we are talking about spiritual intimacy. Your spouse is happy with his new girlfriend, but you tire him or even annoy him. His mistress shares his views, supports him, and helps him assert himself. The man practically starts a new life with her, in which he is satisfied with everything.
Planned. It lies in the fact that your husband wants to find someone on the side. He thinks through all the details of his life on two fronts in order to avoid possible problems.
Spontaneous. The husband became a banal victim of circumstances that pushed him to cheat. The reason may be a long separation from his wife, stress, excessive emotionality, alcohol and other factors.
Ordinary. There are men who lead this lifestyle. They allow themselves to cheat even when they are satisfied with everything about their wife. They cannot do otherwise, because they constantly strive for change and vivid sensations. To put up with this or not is a woman’s choice.

Requests for help Write your story

I am 43 years old. Together with my husband for 22 years. A banal story - a husband fell in love with a work colleague 10 years younger than himself. She is divorced, a small child. When I realized that something was happening to him, I began to do terrible things - make complaints, get offended, make trouble. My behavior then was that of a child, not an adult woman. In general, I did everything to push my husband away from me. But I understand this only now. And then it seemed to me that now I would explain everything to him, I would tell him and he would understand my pain, my despair and everything would change and he would become the same person as he always was, and everything would return to normal and it would be the same family, where everyone was always happy and calm together. I didn’t understand that this made me feel good and calm, and that means something didn’t suit him, since this girl appeared. Then it was even worse, he moved away more and more, saying that all this was my invention. But this was a different person. I saw that it was hard for him, that he loved the other one. And I said that my daughter and I were going to see my mother, and that this couldn’t go on any longer. He said that yes, it would be better, he loves us and this girl too. We need to live separately and then, someday, he will come to us. What a person experiences when hearing such words from a loved one cannot even be expressed in words - inhuman pain that the heart cannot tolerate and in the head it only says “this is not happening to me, this is a dream, a terrible terrible dream.” But we couldn’t leave - on the day he abandoned us, my daughter dislocated her arm in kindergarten, hospital, cast, worries. Then he said that he couldn’t live without us. Let's move on and I agreed. I was completely broken, I couldn’t make any decisions or actions - whatever they told me, I did. Like in a dream. This story is about 3 years old. He says that if I didn’t pay attention to it, everything would be fine. I see that he lives a double life, that he loves and is loved, his self-esteem is simply off the charts, and I have turned into some kind of amoebic creature, my soul hurts and aches, I am disgusted with myself, I hate myself for my inability to do something, what - change, I don’t know how to live further. My parents didn’t want me and my daughter to come live with them (they live in another city). Rent an apartment and live on one salary, which you still need to find? Should I leave everything as it is and move on with my life? And most importantly, I can’t understand myself. Maybe it's my selfishness? The father loves his daughter, she loves him. He has no intention of leaving yet. Bye. Well, what else do I need?! After all, if you remove one element - love for me, then everything else is wonderful. I perceive leaving on my own as deliberately depriving a child of his father with his own hands. But the child sees and understands everything, the soul does not accept that she will grow up in an atmosphere of unlove. I either love him or hate him. But what next? The relationship that was there will never be again. I'm trying to decide something - should the kid go to school this year - should I stay in this town or should I still try to change something in my life and leave, rent an apartment, find a job, try to survive somehow, live without lies, betrayal. Or is this a whim, we need to look at things more realistically. I have some kind of split - if I leave, then for me it will be some kind of movement forward, life, but for my daughter it will be bad. I understand perfectly well that I am afraid to take responsibility. I'm afraid of making a mistake and harming the child. I understand that no one will decide anything for me, but how to deal with myself, how to put things in order in my head?

Anita, age: 43 / 06/07/2013

Responses:

Anita! I read your story and it’s like looking in a mirror. It even became creepy. I also lived with my husband for what seemed to me and everyone around me a happy 20 years. And suddenly everything collapsed. The story is 4 years old, I have been stewing in this mess for about a year. During this time, everything happened - I kicked me out, and accepted her, and tried to scare me with divorce. But now I understand that I was just delaying time. Believe me, it will never be better for you or your daughter to be with this person! If it’s bad for you, it means it’s bad for your child too. It’s easier for me (so to speak, if you live in hell) - my daughter is an adult, she understands everything perfectly and is on my side. Understand - he does not leave simply because it is convenient for HIS Majesty. He will only take and take from you, giving nothing in return. My head is just a little clearer now. We are convenient for them - amoebic, dumb. He even once called me “meat.” If you leave everything as it is, you will still have to endure a lot. But as I understood, patience is meaningless and such mental pain is meaningless. In the hope of saving my family, I endured a lot - humiliation, beatings. It’s all in vain - I understand only now. But I decided, took the first step and it became a little easier. And then, think about the child - seeing a mother always depressed, unsure of herself - what model of behavior will she carry into life? Swinging on the swing of love and hate, you will only lose your mental and physical health. Then you will definitely not be needed by anyone! These are no longer the people with whom we once linked our fate, but we continue to love them as before. Yes, this is no longer love, but some kind of pathology. Everyone around me kept telling me that there was no family anymore, there was nothing left to save, but I stubbornly didn’t listen to anyone. I thought “this is not about me.” It turned out it was about me. She allowed herself to do things that are scary to even describe, until she was on the verge of nervous and physical exhaustion. At the same time, at work I am a strong, strong-willed leader, and at home, next to him, I am a doormat. Anita, do not accept this situation - it leads to self-destruction. Look only forward - I know it’s very difficult, the fear of loneliness stopped me all the time. Then I realized - it’s even scarier!! My situation is further aggravated by the fact that my husband categorically does not want to leave, and when I took the first step, he began to threaten. I advise YOU to leave, or better yet, leave now, before your husband turns into a monster, and this is inevitable, because... With such a double life, constant lies, the need to invent something, to get out, sooner or later a split personality occurs. They themselves already believe in this lie. If you hope that this will someday stop and everything will be as before, it’s IN vain! Kill this hope in yourself. A person is already corrupted by what he is allowed to do, and then he becomes more and more corrupted. Think only about yourself and your daughter. Good luck and perseverance!!!

Ira, age: 40 / 06/10/2013

Anita, believe me, no matter how you behaved, the result would be the same. I didn’t throw hysterics at my husband, I didn’t sort things out. She just said: choose. He could not choose who was dearer to him: the family with whom he lived for 11 years - his wife and three children, or the girl whom he knew for only 2 months, and who would “disappear” without him. He only said that he “wouldn’t be able to live” without her. So I had to choose. I sent him to my “beloved” for permanent residence. Yes, it’s a pity that the children are without a father. But children need a healthy, happy mother, first of all. And my children have it. And in my marriage to that man, their father, I could no longer be happy, I could not enjoy life, seeing him rushing about and looking through me. If you are not happy, then you will not teach your children to be happy. You must have the moral strength to love your daughter, take care of her, communicate, go out, etc. And now, I am sure, you are in a very depressed state, you are probably not giving your daughter what you should give. Divorce is always a tragedy, always a loss and pain. But what do you have now? Are you married? Do you have a family? No, just an illusion. Nothing Anita will change in your life until you decide to change something. Your husband is very comfortable “on two chairs.” You can live in this state for the rest of your life. Or you can change your life and start a new one. Everything depends on you. My children, of course, need a father, but they need a happy mother more. I can say that I have never regretted breaking up with my ex-husband. Now I can give my children much more than before, when I was writhing in pain and humiliation. And I can teach my children to respect and love themselves and their loved ones. And do not allow traitors to wipe their feet on you.

Maria-Elena, age: 35 / 06/10/2013

Good afternoon I completely agree with Irina; when I read her advice, I realized how sorry it was that no one had told me this before. maybe they said it, but so to speak... no one laid it out. I experienced from my own experience how my husband quickly got used to a double life. And the fact that it seriously injured me and practically immobilized me (because I couldn’t even stand, my legs couldn’t support me), he considered it just ordinary woman’s troubles. And in general, the impression was created that he had no problems and everything was fine, but for reasons unknown to him, I could not live. The sooner you pull out this thorn of despair and lack of will, the better. After leaving your husband, life itself will force you to live. And you yourself will be surprised that the world did not collapse without him, but even began to play in a new way. Wish you luck.

Marina, age: 40 / 06/10/2013

Good afternoon, Anita. That's right, you're just afraid to take responsibility. You prefer to be stuck in self-pity for 3 whole years, live in a harem, with a man who doesn’t respect you, who lives in 2 families, but the main thing is to do nothing, because changing something is always a risk and always fear of failure. You hide behind a child, but in vain, you just silently give him consent to a double life, and it’s just convenient for him, and his pride is bursting, two women compete and try to please him, such a prince. why would he change anything? everything is just great: on the one hand, you are expecting and a child, on the other, you are a lover, where there is a constant holiday. You diligently convince yourself that you have a family, but what kind of family is this... Anita, just think, 3 years! This is 3 whole years of hassle! and you are only 43, why don’t you respect yourself so much? Understand that the only way to change the situation is to decide to change it YOURSELF. That's it, there are no more options. Start looking for a job, a part-time job, think about alimony, take care of yourself and your soul. Do SOMETHING. Sorry for being abrupt, I was in such a situation myself, it pulled me in too, and the beginning of my recovery was precisely the realization that only I myself can change the situation! I wish the same for you. Hold on.

Julia, age: 29 / 06/10/2013

Anita, I understand how hard it is for you, I’m on this path myself. And I’m a little older and therefore have a little more fears - about loneliness, about the rest of my life. Anita, I suspected that my husband had a mistress for a long time, for several years, but he had such a job that he could be absent on weekends and holidays, even on New Year’s - he said that he was working part-time. And I believed - because I wanted so much and it was so scary to lose him - when you love, it seems that you will endure everything just to be together. It turned out that everyone around saw and knew about him and his mistress, they didn’t tell me - “...you wouldn’t (I) believe it..” The result was natural - the husband left for his mistress. I almost died, I don’t remember the first months at all, only work and children pulled me through. And she cried and begged and begged. I couldn’t get out of the Internet: in the search engine “... how to get my husband back... my husband left for his mistress... and so on” and a bunch of articles and a lot of wasted time. After 9 months, he returned, went with me and my daughters and sons-in-law to relax, promised that everything would be fine... but literally a month after his arrival he began communicating with his mistress. I tried to fight and not notice. It's all empty. Believe me. After some time, the husband went on a business trip and... ended up in a hospital in another city, he was there with his mistress visiting her relatives. I flew to him at night by car, and he was not particularly happy with me. He came to our city and began to live with the nesting doll’s relatives - not with her and not at home, but with her relative, the matryoshka went there openly but I didn’t, he tried to meet me at his mother’s - after the hospital he was limited in his movements by bed regime, then he began to come home to visit - I almost went crazy - he comes, here he is dear and dear, and leaves... still the same dear and dear. I howled, drank, wanted to die and even thought about how. The children saved me; they are already older. And note, since my husband was sick, the main refrain was “... I can live well and calmly there. I (he) want to be cured.” I really howled, it was so painful and hard, but HE didn’t care, it was good for him - and here and there they were waiting and loving, blowing into the “oops”. And so it’s been seven months since the business trip. And I’ll tell you what, the belief is a hard-won and the only possible solution - I’ve already turned to a psychologist, and I’ve talked to my father and his friend, and I’ve changed my mind a lot and I ASK YOU VERY MUCH: HEAR ME. Everyone told me this too, but I didn’t believe it, gather your strength and drag yourself out of this swamp YOURSELF: believe me - YOU PERSONALLY have two options - either die and stop being a woman - which is practically equivalent, or return to life. Finally love yourself - a sweet, smart, beautiful - WOMAN - the one with you is not a man, he is a schmuck. And what was will no longer be. I also sobbed and cried, and my HUSBAND - ... I see that everything is fine and comfortable for him. So YOU PERSONALLY have one option - to start living your own life, without looking back at your husband and his desires. It’s very scary, it’s scary to live alone, it’s scary to make this decision, but believe me, it was even scarier when, lying on the sofa, I realized that this happened six years ago - this is communication and connection with my mistress, and I’m writhing on the sofa , and two years ago and a year. NOTHING CHANGES. Believe me, YOU must change. YOU personally. You need to move away from your husband and start living your own, personally, life. This is very difficult, but this is your life and you shouldn’t put it under the feet of this semblance of a man. And believe me, the first steps will be the hardest. But you must understand that not only you need this, your daughter also needs it. Don’t be afraid - the psychologist told me so - don’t think - he will leave / will not leave - will return / will not return. Start living for yourself and your daughter. You know, it was very difficult for me to decide on this, but I told myself - he’s fine without me - that means I’ll be fine without him. He doesn’t want to share personal things with me - and I won’t. It was very scary, we have been together for 33 years. The first steps - the first 100 meters are the hardest. You need to find your own ground under your feet, it’s not your husband who will give it to you, only you yourself. I went on vacation, and at that time he did such a thing that when my daughter told me, I kicked him out of the house. And what do you think - the daughter is still to blame - why did she tell me? Everyone is always to blame - the daughters, I think, and the mistress and relatives. We didn’t communicate for 2 weeks, then he came, and now sometimes he comes - he wants to communicate, asks for something, like he’s restless, he needs a mistress and a family, and this is getting harder and harder - I don’t want it. Believe me, when I was on vacation - I took a photo of myself and saw a sad face - I deleted these photos and began to force myself to smile, began to drive away these thoughts. And interest began to flow from men, offer after offer. One woman has already written here in previous letters - her husband left her at the age of 50 - You need to learn to live without him, force yourself not to think about him for 5-10 minutes and on and on. Don’t look for a man for your future life in everyone you meet. Everything will happen in due time. I REALLY ASK YOU, HEAR ME. STOP LOOKING AT YOUR HUSBAND, HE IS NOT YOUR HELP. I WENT ACTIVELY INTO SPORTS AND NOW I HAVE FRIENDS. DO WHAT YOU PERSONALLY WANT, WHAT MAKES YOU PERSONALLY NOT HURT AND GOOD. THERE ARE ONLY TWO WAYS OUT OF THIS - UP AND DOWN. I REALLY HOPE YOUR PATH WILL BE UP. I won’t talk about boomerangs, everyone is pretty fed up with them, don’t think about your husband and his mistress, don’t look for any information about them. By an effort of will, switch your thoughts and think only about yourself and your daughter. Happiness to you!!!

Alexandra, age: 43 / 06/10/2013

Anita, dear, you are afraid of a new life, you are afraid to be left alone with your daughter, so you hide behind her interests! It SEEMS easier to you. This is just an excuse: I’m not a coward or a weakling, I just endure for the happiness of my child. I don't want to offend you, understand. I may be writing harshly, but I want to help you understand yourself. My mother divorced when I was 6 years old. I wasn't tormented by the divorce, I just DON'T REMEMBER it. But I remember the scandals before that very well. It is from difficult relationships between parents that children suffer the most. And then my mother often talked to me as if I were an adult, asking for advice. We were best friends. And as a child, I didn’t even understand why I should miss my dad? I only began to understand when I got married and gave birth to a daughter. But my dad would never become such a father to me. And I am very grateful to my mother that she had the courage to raise two children alone: a daughter and a son, whom she was able to give a calm and happy childhood. And I know cases where women raised children in a complete family, making excuses like you. But the children suffered from bad relationships or their father's drunkenness. And now they have grown up and understand that they endured everything because of the selfishness of their mother, for whom personal peace and a well-fed life were more important than their happiness and nervous system. Hold on! It just takes courage.

Natalya, age: 49 / 06/10/2013

Anita! Girls! Well, how similar we are all... No matter how many stories I read here, I never cease to be amazed... It is US who are being betrayed. They cheat on US, they leave US, they tell us a lot of “nice things”, they trample on our soul... And despite this, we ourselves continue to blame ourselves, and justify them... Like, he has love, he can, oh, what a poor thing, he suffers - he can’t choose Maybe. And it’s my own fault - I nagged, cursed, didn’t give enough here, couldn’t restrain myself here. “When I realized that something was happening to him, I began to do terrible things - make claims, get offended, make trouble. My behavior then was that of a child, not an adult woman. In general, I did everything to push my husband away from me.” What did you do?? What are such terrible things? Well, yes, everyone reacts differently - some are hysterical, some cry, some swear. I calmly said “choose.” Understand that this does not change the situation. Because it is important to understand that this is primarily THEIR mistake, not ours. Anything can happen in a family—everyone has difficulties. But this is family. And to overcome difficulties you need to work, both of you need to work. And don’t look for easy ways out - find “happiness” with someone else. Because family isn't just about fun. This is a responsibility. Alas, not everyone understands this. I don’t know what the reason is - whether it’s ordinary human weaknesses, or whether this is our generation. I notice this trend of consumption everywhere. Nobody wants to give, everyone wants to consume, squeeze to the maximum, use and throw away. I worked in the employment field at one time. Young “specialists” arrive. Zero experience. Not much knowledge either. No skills. But the requirements are a carriage and a small cart. They immediately want a salary like a director’s, all in white, social benefits. package and please don’t delay, otherwise I’ll immediately start looking for another job. In a word, I don’t really want to work, but give me money. That’s how it is in relationships - almost everything is wrong - the wife has grown old (gained weight, started drinking, is tired in bed, etc.) - why do anything, here’s another thing - I’ll find another one. younger, more beautiful. This is “happiness”. Unfortunately, no matter how hard it is to admit this fact, there are very few people left who are ready to bear responsibility. No, I'm not saying that they don't exist. But there are really many fewer of them. Hence the huge number of sad stories here. You know, Anita, I'm not a very good adviser. Each story is unique, despite the fact that they are all carbon copies. I can tell you one thing for sure, as a person who has passed through this. You need to stop this and the sooner the better. Yes, it will hurt. It will be hard. In all senses. But the longer you get stuck in this swamp, the more difficult it becomes later. It has already happened - you have been betrayed. And this cannot be changed. The illusion of a family is no longer a family anyway. There is no family, no matter how hard you try to portray it. Even if the incident with this particular lady comes to naught, as practice shows (including mine), as a rule, a relapse is inevitable. Why do you need more nerves? Why do you need this swing now? Yes, we are used to thinking that we cannot cope alone, that we cannot cope alone. And also “what will people say”?.. With this we drive ourselves into captivity. I assure you that you can live alone. And even very good. The main thing is to get all these unnecessary superficial things out of your head. Why do we need a family if there is no longer mutual love, mutual respect and mutual responsibility in it. Your husband understandably doesn’t want to change anything – it’s convenient for him. Just convenient. He doesn't love you. The love passed (in my case it never happened at all), he just got used to it that way. Sits on two chairs with one butt. And no one bothers him - on the contrary, they hold the chairs. So why should he change anything? I very sincerely advise you - tear it all up. Yes, it will not be easy for the child. It’s not our children’s fault that things didn’t work out for us. But children grow up and leave, and our lives and the years spent in tears cannot be returned. Your daughter will grow up and understand everything, don’t worry, the main thing is to convey it to her correctly. It would be better for her to live in an atmosphere of love with one parent than to see the constant sprees of one and the tears of the other. Your task is to fill her emptiness from experiencing a breakup with your love. There is no need to prohibit communication with dad. If there is a desire, let him communicate. Don't destroy the child's world, both parents still love him. you just need to explain to her that you and dad are no longer on the same path. The main thing in this situation is not to make the father a bad hero in the eyes of the child. After all, for a child, both parents are one. He loves equally. So try to do it) I think everything will work out. But the most important advice is to stop it as soon as possible. It depends only on you and only your strong-willed decision is needed. Good luck to you! Sorry for some confusion - there are a lot of thoughts)

Lady, age: 28 / 06/11/2013

Why do you think that you acted wrongly by scolding him and causing scandals? The only thing you did wrong was that you didn’t immediately leave him, continuing your torment, the torment of a child (do you think she doesn’t feel it?), you encourage him in his state of fornication. This shameful woman will take from him and give birth - will you also wait by the sea for the weather?? How many more years are you willing to give them??

Mila, age: 38 / 06/11/2013

Anita, I endured it for a year, and you endured it for three years! If I had endured for three years, I would no longer be a survivor in this world. You know, the most important thing is that your soul is quiet, calm, and joyful. This is what you strive for. There is no need to indulge in other people’s sins, and to suffer from other people’s sins, there is no need to put up with this “madhouse.” Get away from him, cut everything off, and don't look back. People like your husband have such a corrupted brain... for them, black is white, and white is black. I have two children, I am raising them alone, and I have never, not once, regretted that I separated from my husband! You know, sometimes I’m proud of myself that I did it! That the spirit was enough. She loved him very much and lived half her life with him. But you know what they say - it’s not the horse’s food! But again, we are all very different. One of my friends’ husbands had 3 long-term affairs on the side during their 10 years of marriage (maybe there were more). So, my friend’s mother (such a fighting woman) insisted that her daughter put an end to this debauchery, she could not watch how her daughter suffered, how her husband wiped his feet on her. They broke up. So, this friend of mine, about a year later, told her mother: “If it weren’t for you, we would be together.” Well, what can I say... no comments. So it's up to you to decide, it's your life. Some women are victims in life; they will endure anything endlessly. Which one are you, Anita?

Natasha, age: 37 / 06/12/2013

Anita! Now, when your story is already three years old... There is only one way out, this is to at least temporarily separate from your husband, you have harmed your child for a long time, the children feel everything. And if the mother is deeply unhappy, it is unlikely that the child does not experience this. The child's excuse... it's just your excuse. You write, he loves and he is loved... how hard it is to hear, feel, live with this. You walk in circles like a horse around a well, but you cannot get a drink. It is simply impossible to put things in order in your head based on the fact that you are being betrayed and not loved. Make this leap into a new life, yes, on your own, yes, on one salary, and why on one? The husband loves his daughter, he will help... Let him go into his life, where he is happy. It is YOU who allow him to live a double life, it is you who do not allow you to find peace for yourself and go on a new path. Do you know who is the smartest in the triangle? The one who comes out of it first!!! Be the first. You know, your husband’s romance can last another ten years, they work together, see each other constantly, she accepted that he is married and will wait until he leaves you, only today you are 42, years will pass, and at 50 you will be able to build a life much more difficult, and how much pain can you still endure? And what are you waiting for? That somehow everything will be resolved miraculously? Will he stop loving this woman and love you as he once did? NO AND NO AGAIN. Even if he leaves her, the bitterness of betrayal, loss of trust, the feeling that you are not loved, but are just so comfortable, you can live with you, but love somewhere else... Anyone who says you can love two is mistaken, when you love, you don’t love anyone you want something else... don't you? Yes, of course, he can love you as a sister, as a friend, as a loved one... but this is no longer love as for a woman. HE made his choice, he loves and he is loved, give him something to strive for, let him realize his dream... And then perhaps he will think about the fact that he has lost his family. And yet, when we all find out about betrayal, absolutely all women, we do the same things... We cry, we persuade, we explain, it seems to us that now he will hear and understand everything. He won’t hear and won’t understand, because it’s you that he doesn’t hear... he hears the other one because he’s in love, and YOU are just in the way. Usually it is immediately necessary to separate for some period of time, for him to live with that woman, and for you to try to fight for your life without him. Six months is enough to understand what your husband wants, and especially what YOU want? Cheating destroys a marriage to the core, and life is divided into BEFORE AND AFTER. The relationship you had will never be there again, perhaps new ones and try to start living with a new relationship, this is when the husband ends all relationships on the side, leaves work, does not look for meetings with her, and so on. More often than not, this does not happen, and even if it does happen, it is only for a short period of time. As I write, I went through all this and am going through it, and I regret one thing... that I didn’t stop everything right away, but kept hoping, like you, that I would come to my senses. And even if he comes to his senses, when the first agony passes and you calm down, you will understand that you are already living with another person, he is just very similar to your husband, but this is no longer him... Pollinated and burned by another love, this is already a different person. Let him go and forgive, for yourself, not for him... you will continue to live, he will get used to the fact that two people love, and he will live like that, but I have already passed your life, this cannot be called life, this is a bitter coexistence... Get up from your knees and leave from him, try to build your life, even without him. And remember: True love is when your loved one feels good without you, and if you think that he should feel good only with you, this is no longer love. I wish you to get over your pain, to suffer, pray, may the Lord hear you!!!

Olga, age: 53 / 06/12/2013

dear Anita, my story is also 3 years old, my husband stayed, but now the relationship is not the same, betrayal ends the marriage... so I think, and we ourselves choose whether to try to glue everything together or build again, of course only you can decide, but the question is whether it will be worse for the child without such a father? he loves his daughter so much... but I wonder when his “adventures” began, wasn’t he afraid of losing the family in which his daughter loves so much?? to whom his adventures should not bring happiness, so he “loves” her, “if you want to understand the essence of things, call them by their proper names,” this is how I understand such love for children... Not a single child who grew up abandoned by his father said “dad abandoned mom ”, and always - “Dad abandoned us”, why did you decide that if he leaves, then everything will be so bad, and live in an atmosphere of unlove, apparently now he lives in love... seeing his exhausted mother. I really sympathize with you Anita, but still you need to make a decision, and you yourself know in which direction, you just need to gather your courage, don’t allow yourself to be treated like that, everything will be fine with you, you just need to take the first step, because “only the one who walks can master it.” the road"

tatasha, age: 34 / 06/12/2013

Hello Anita! First of all, I will say that you are a fool!!! Don't be offended, but even a fly can't allow himself not to love and respect himself like that!!! What does “did terrible things” mean? You are a living person!!! You have the right to speak out and fight for your happiness! Trust us all!!! whoever answers you won’t get any better, you’ll only end up annoying yourself! I was also thrown out onto the street (I was visiting). Without money, nowhere! Not our problem, they said. Nothing so far, I rented a room for a month, now I’m looking again, but I got distracted!!! We won’t be lost, we are the stronger sex! It took me 12 years to arrange the apartment, so at least they gave me my underpants. It’s okay, I’ll still earn money at 41, but he won’t be able to at 33! So take the first most difficult step and see how happiness itself extends its hands to you! Moreover, both of you at once!!! Good luck

Love, age: 41 / 06/12/2013

Dear Anita, how can this be? Why do you think that a normal and healthy desire to be loved is your selfishness? A daughter should feel not only her father’s love for herself, but also her mother’s. Bring yourself back to yourself, remember that you love yourself, that you are alone. Sorry for the advice, but I think your spouse needs to be given time to think about the choice in this situation (for example, two months) and if the choice is not in favor of the family, leave it. Don't give him the pleasure of living on two fronts. Take care of yourself and your daughter. God help you Anita. Be sure to turn to God and take communion. Trust in the Lord is not to be put to shame.

Olga, age: 32 / 06/12/2013

Anita! I have never written my story or responses to this site. This is my first attempt to respond. I think I understand you. You are stuck in the swamp of your own tossing. I cannot and have no right to give you advice about your life together with other people, but I want to advise you to live YOURSELF. Start simply living and loving yourself, and not thinking about leaving, resentment, betrayal. It doesn’t matter whether you take care of yourself under the same roof with this person or under different ones, but the solution will come when you love yourself and become interested in yourself. On the same facets of living together, what poisoned me most of all was THAT I WAS DISGUSTING TO MYSELF, I was sick of myself, I was turning myself into “nothing.” AND IT WAS IN ME, it was not in him, nor in her, nor in them, IT WAS IN ME. The same thoughts in my head, constant dialogue, a mirror and futile to see me there 10 years ago (younger, more carefree, able to laugh and not worry about serious reasons, and wait for the best - that’s a bright future tomorrow). Take a break from searching for a SOLUTION HERE and NOW, there is absolutely no need to cut off parts of yourself now. You understand, YOU DO NOT NEED TO CHANGE THE WORLD (him, her), YOU NEED TO BECOME HAPPIER. Happiness and self-sufficiency are also within us and do not depend on the outside world. There are wars and disasters in the world, but people are not all UNHAPPY ABOUT THIS. Take, I don’t know, at least the same reflection in the mirror, or read more, or learn something somewhere (courses) or go dancing…. THE DECISION WILL COME WHEN YOU FIND YOURSELF AND WANT TO SEE YOURSELF HAPPY. You will understand what YOU want and what YOU need for this. All our torment comes from disappointed hopes and expectations that we invent for ourselves. In essence, we are disappointing ourselves. We ourselves have all the torment, and we also have the joys that must be found. Sorry if something is wrong. I sympathize with you very much and I express it as best I can. But I still KNOW - EVERYTHING WILL BE GOOD. THIS IS THE ONLY WAY IT CAN BE.

Irina, age: 42 / 06/13/2013

Girls, thanks for the answers. Everything that is said here is exactly what I think. I understand everything, but taking the first step is unbearably difficult. It's like standing on the edge of a precipice and jumping with your eyes closed. Into the unknown. Because if you think about it, it’s terrible fear. Fear that I won’t be able to cope, that I won’t be able to provide for my daughter, that I won’t be able to clearly explain why dad isn’t with us. And judging by his strong attachment to the lady of his heart, I assume that he will not visit the girl often. How can I imagine all this... But I understand perfectly well that I can’t continue like this. Before this story, I was completely calm about my age, but now I feel like I’m an old woman. I’m afraid of getting seriously ill, what will happen to my daughter then. Some other scary thoughts come to mind. If everything is left as it is, I'll just go crazy. How I regret that I didn’t leave right away, then the psyche would not have been so disturbed and the child would have been smaller and would have understood less. Oh, those would be... The thought keeps spinning in my head - if he had left on his own, I would have been FORCED to move on, I simply would have had no other choice. Making a decision for me is something supernatural and overwhelming. What happened to me? If someone had told me about this even 5 years ago, I would never have believed it. But we didn’t have any scandals with the child. I myself grew up in a family where daily scandals from my parents were the norm, so I tried to keep everything quiet and peaceful. The result is that when we had our first explanation, he told me that we lived so well that it was too much.

Anita, age: 43 / 06/13/2013

Let me disagree with you, Anita. If you jump into an abyss with your eyes closed, you will probably hurt yourself, die, and have no further life... And in your situation it will not be a fall, but a takeoff! Flight towards a new calm (spiritually) life. And you’re wrong to think that since the child doesn’t see scandals at home, he doesn’t feel anything, just like he feels! And she is also restless, uncomfortable.. The girls wrote correctly, a child needs a happy mother, and not some semblance of a family.. It so happened that I had to pack a bag for my husband and send him for permanent residence to his lady love, having three children. Because they need me healthy, and not tattered, exhausted, with glassy eyes from tears. And there was not a day when I regretted my action. We have a family. And you and your daughter are family too. Take care of each other.

Olga, age: 35 / 07/01/2013

Dear Anita, I am your age and I have a very similar situation. I suffered like this for 4 years. I also kept hoping that he would come to his senses and get some exercise. And now I realized that this is his lifestyle, he is happy and comfortable, why should he change his mind? It’s been a year since I kicked him out to my mother, I’m trying not to see him. He constantly comes, gives gifts, tries to establish “relationships”, is afraid to jump out of his usual world. Otherwise, only that house will remain, and this is no longer there and will not be, and what if something doesn’t work out there, so we need to have wives like us in reserve. I’m also going to use my strength to finally put an end to it, it’s also scary. Now I see that this is not an abyss, this is the road to your real life, where you respect yourself, laugh, and rejoice. There will also be problems, but not as destructive as now. The worst thing has already happened, don’t be afraid, what could be worse than such humiliation and betrayal. Think about yourself, take care of your health, give yourself and your daughter little joys, and everything will definitely be fine, and the wounds will heal. And you are strong; you wouldn’t put a weak person in charge. You also manage somehow at work, solve some issues and problems, but can’t you really solve your own everyday ones? Of course you can!!! And women can cope weaker than you, but what do you have to be afraid of!!! They write that even with THREE children they survive and are happy. Shouldn’t we be able to raise one daughter at a time? Go forward, you are strong and confident, the situation is just difficult, but this is the situation, not you. I wish you good luck, and... even new love, faithful and devoted)))

Selena, age: 43 / 08/28/2013

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Accepting betrayal

How to deal with your husband's cheating? Before making a final decision on further actions, you need to prepare for this mentally. It is necessary to conduct a thorough analysis of everything that is happening. First, you need to calm down. It is very difficult to cope with the emotions and pain that is present in the chest. But you need to pull yourself together.

The statistics of male infidelity are catastrophic. You need to try to understand that this is not the worst thing in life, because everyone is still alive and well. Circumstances just changed. Perhaps this is even for the better.

Straight Talk

How to deal with your husband's cheating? There is no universal advice, but there are several recommendations that will help clarify the situation. If you suspect cheating and are trying to make sure of it, then you need this in order to properly plan your future life.

Try to call your husband for a frank conversation. At the same time, you need to look calm. Avoid loud voices, shouting, tears, insults, or threats. Make it a point to be your husband's friend for a while and let him have his say. Try to find out the reason for the betrayal, listen to your fiancé’s version, and demonstrate your readiness to help him. This will discourage your man. He will no longer feel like he is in charge of the situation.

How to live on

If you decide to save your family and continue to live together, then you need to change that part of your relationship that led to the betrayal. For example, if dissatisfaction with values led to betrayal, then start talking more with your husband. Find out what is important to him in a relationship, what he would like. Tell us about your values too. Start satisfying each other's conscious and unconscious wishes. And over time, you will notice that the relationship has become more harmonious and happier.

If, for example, the reason for betrayal was the lack of variety in life, then the time has come to begin serious and fruitful work on yourself. To be different all the time, you need to develop yourself spiritually, read, receive more varied information and increase your awareness. As a rule, the less rich and varied a person’s life, the less flexible he is, the more difficult it is for him to change. Men are polygamous, which means that if we want them to be faithful to us, we essentially want to change them. And for this we need to constantly change ourselves.

Solution for yourself

Listen carefully to your inner voice. He will definitely tell you whether you should forgive your husband’s infidelity. Do not forget that now you are driven not by the desire to stay close to him, but by your wounded pride.

Perhaps you yourself are already tired of constant showdowns or lack of mutual understanding. Cheating was simply a reason to make an important decision that will help each of you build a new life.

Delve into your true desires. Think about whether you can forgive this person. Try to answer yourself whether you can still trust your spouse. If not, then it's better to break up. Without trust it is impossible to create a happy family.

Move away

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Even if it was an accidental kiss, it hurt you. We need to distance ourselves. Ideally, leave. But you won’t leave with all your suitcases, your favorite frying pan and a pot of aloe, but with a traveler’s supply: a backpack with the necessary things.

You need to be alone with yourself and not see your trigger, the irritant, the mere sight of which brings a pack of rock salt to your heart. Ask him not to call you, not to write, not to look for meetings. Until you want it yourself.

You need to be alone with yourself and not make hasty decisions. You have to say no:

1. Communication with a traitor.

2. The impulse to “return everything the way it was.”

3. The impulse to break all loose ends and go to another country, leaving an application for divorce.

4. Treason in revenge.

5. Alcohol. Getting drunk at karaoke with your girlfriends and crying to Meladze is one thing. Fermenting all day long is another thing.

6. Other relationships. There is no need to start a new relationship when you are not yet done with the old one. New love will be doomed.

You have to say yes:

1. Tears. The pain will come with them. You need to cry everything out so that the pain does not remain in you. So that you don’t start to rot, which can only be cured by a specialist and serious medications.

2. Anger. You need to scream, break dishes, hit a punching bag, tear photographs and things - everything so that this feeling comes out as well as tears. And it did not leave an infection inside, which could develop into permanent depression and psychosis.

3. Sleep. You need a lot of sleep and recuperation.

4. Food. Don't forget about her. But don’t overeat, this is the same as alcoholism - an addiction that will not save you.

5. Walking. And the more, the better. If you can, go to the gym.

6. Communication with friends. Don't be shy to speak up. Tell your loved ones everything you feel. With words comes pain.

7. Write and re-release all your thoughts and feelings onto paper.

8. Cook, dance, sing, draw, embroider - do everything that can give you joy.

9. Take care of yourself. Make masks, go for a massage. You need to love yourself now more than ever.

10. Go to a psychologist. You need to talk. Friends may not be able to carry all this load. The specialist will not only listen to as much and as much as he wants. But also explain why everything happened this way. He will help you find the right path.

This stage can last from several weeks to several months. It is mandatory for you to recover, come to your senses, and find the ground under your feet. But then the time will definitely come for decisive action.

Objective assessment

The question of whether it is worth forgiving a husband’s infidelity needs to be considered from different perspectives. If you managed to find out exactly why it happened, draw the right conclusions.

Perhaps you did something wrong (stopped taking care of yourself, took up a career, or plunged headlong into housekeeping). If your priority is self-affirmation and career growth, wouldn’t the decision to fully comply with your spouse’s demands infringe on your own rights and freedoms?

My husband is tired of fighting what he doesn't like. He preferred to try to build a relationship with another lady. Try to give an objective assessment of your actions. Think about the prospects for the future. This will help you make the right decision.

Feels terrible

How should a person who has cheated and feels remorse feel? That's right, he feels terrible. Especially if your partner is not a pathological cheater who does not feel any remorse even with constant betrayal. A person who truly loves you will then feel unworthy of you. And the constant feeling of guilt and fear will not leave him even for a second. And if these feelings are genuine, you can try to forgive the betrayal and start the relationship from scratch.

A positive response

If you want to save your family, the question of how to cope with your husband’s betrayal will be resolved by itself. You have already found out what caused this situation. Try to talk with your spouse about joint future plans. His apology should be accepted with dignity. There is no need to listen to lengthy excuses or details of what happened to him. This issue should be closed.

A reasonable solution would also be temporary separation, which will help you finally decide whether it is worth continuing your relationship with your spouse.

Meeting with a homewrecker

Such meetings make absolutely no sense, especially if you want to rip out a clump of hair from your mistress and show who’s boss. Men are designed in such a way that they inevitably feel guilty. Oddly enough, it invigorates them. If there is a wife and a mistress, he will be especially guilty of one of them.

Feeling guilty before your mistress is the collapse of a marriage.

When his wife accompanies him to work, kisses him on the nose, gives him lunch, and his little son, who looks like him, immediately runs out, blinks his eyes and says: “Daddy, I’ll be waiting for you,” he feels guilty before his wife and family. When, after all this, he comes to his mistress, he will even have sex with her with a feeling of guilt in front of his wife, and, in the end, such meetings will come to naught. But if a woman says: “Hey, where are you going? To be home at 8,” she gives him a negative charge. This is what the mistress needs, who, after such “gentle” instructions, will tell him affectionately: “Don’t worry, it’s okay, she just doesn’t understand you.” And if his wife also calls him to check on him, and his “caring and sensitive” mistress, without showing dissatisfaction, quietly helps him open the window, as if he were driving in a traffic jam, at that moment he will begin to feel guilty in front of her. It is this woman who helps him in everything, accepts him for who he is, and therefore loves him. Feeling guilty before your mistress is the collapse of a marriage.

So, if the wife nevertheless comes and starts tearing out the hair of the homewrecker, then at the moment when the husband comes once again to his passion, she with torn hair and sad eyes will tell him: “Nothing, nothing, Kolenka, I understand everything, I same woman." That’s it, his mistress is a hero, she’s great. And you can completely forget about the hysterical wife.

Principles of conduct

If there is no understanding of how a wife should behave after her husband’s betrayal, she should start by completely abstracting herself from the situation. You must understand that all the worst is behind you. The news about the betrayal was very difficult, but today there is no need to dramatize the situation again.

Try to increase your self-esteem, change your image, pay more attention to your appearance. Make sure that men passing by pay attention to you. Feel like a beauty. Write a list of your positive qualities on a piece of paper, remember your victories. You need to love yourself so that this betrayal does not provoke the development of inferiority complexes.

You have children who love him

Nothing makes a breakup as difficult as having children together. The separation of parents is always the greatest stress for a child, even if he has grown up a long time ago. But an even greater shock for children is to find out the reason for the separation of mom and dad. What should you do if your child is from your first marriage, and he has already become attached to and falls in love with his new partner? After all, finding a person who will love someone else’s child as their own is not so easy. Of course, staying together after an insult just for the sake of a child is not the best solution, but if there is at least a chance that you can forget about the betrayal, it might be worth a try.

Restoring relationships

Some women are on the verge of despair because they do not know how to improve their relationship with their husband after cheating. Don't panic and think that from now on everything will be bad. Of course, you can’t return your old life, because the fact of betrayal will not go away.

However, it is possible to return to normal relationships when people begin to value each other even more. You must understand for yourself that you need to sincerely forgive your husband. If you constantly remind him of his misconduct, at every opportunity try to humiliate him or his former passion, your relationship will reach a dead end. The man will understand that he made the wrong choice. Most likely, he will want to break off relations with you. And it will be difficult for you to constantly be in such nervous tension.

Therefore, try to keep the situation under control so as not to return to the unpleasant past. Change your environment, go on vacation, come up with new hobbies. Don't be too strict. Excessive kindness will also interfere. Let everything be organic. Soon you will see that your relationship with your husband will reach a new level.

How to survive

You must understand that after cheating, in any case, for some time (from several months to a year) you will experience an unpleasant oppressive feeling that will be difficult for your man to understand, and for you to explain to him in words.

You will be able to survive this, as well as safely and calmly live through all the emotions that await you - from denial and anger to depression and acceptance - much easier and faster with a psychologist. In this case, the psychologist will not only act as a supportive link, but will also help you forgive, and will also show you what exactly formed this man’s attitude towards you (your beliefs, self-esteem or childhood experience) and how you can change this so that you build only happy relationships , where both partners are faithful to each other.

I am a psychologist and provide consultations via Skype.

I can help you not only survive the current situation, but also understand why you found yourself in it and how you can build successful relationships in the future. On this page you can find more information about me to get to know me better.

You can sign up for a consultation with me through VKontakte, Instagram @litvinova_lara or the form on the website. You can find out about the cost of services and the scheme of work here. You can read or leave reviews about me and my work using the link.

Confidence

The question of how to calm down after your husband’s betrayal is very relevant. First, try to regain trust in him. If you see that he sincerely repents of what happened, this is a very good sign. Don't be afraid to make mistakes twice. This fear can significantly slow down the process of your complete truce.

Every person has the right to make mistakes. Convince yourself that your husband had the right to try another option. There is no need to punish him severely for this. Try to cope with your ambitions and allow your spouse to atone for his guilt. Don't check it or control it. This will prevent trust from being born again.

When you shouldn't forgive betrayal

You don't always need to save your family. There are cases when a husband’s betrayal is already the last straw. This usually happens in the following situations:

There is no happiness in marriage; you feel either indifference, or sometimes even hatred towards your husband.

In front of you is a lazy, greedy, rude person. If you don't feel like going home because he's there. You understand deep down that it will be easier for you without him. Then there is no point in forgiving betrayal.

If the betrayal is systematic.

The husband regularly promises to improve, begs for forgiveness, claims that he will be a faithful family man, but history repeats itself again and again. In this case it will not change. There is no point in forgiving him. Living together is only possible if you have the strength to forgive a man and accept his infidelity as a bad habit.

If we are not talking about a fleeting betrayal, but about a long-term romance.

A man leads a double life, deceives you, lies to your face, makes up excuses, covers his tracks. If this is a long-term relationship, then not only physical intimacy is involved, but also affection, feelings, and sometimes love. It turns out that the husband has practically left. All that was left of the marriage was an appearance.

The man cheats and does not even repent of what he did.

He claims that you “make a mountain out of a molehill,” he doesn’t get enough of your attention, because of this he took a mistress. He won't give in. Nothing can be achieved in this relationship. Either you resign yourself and accept the role of the victim, or you get divorced.

Revenge

Some women hatch plans to teach their husbands a lesson for cheating. They damage his property (his favorite car), cheat on him, start making friends with his rival, or simply ignore him. Think about why you need this? If a person stays with you, it means he made his conscious choice. Punishing him for this is not only stupid, but also dangerous. Very quickly the husband will understand that he acted rashly. He will leave you forever.

If he left for a rival, it is useless to take revenge on him, since such behavior of yours will kill all the pleasant memories of the time spent together. And there is no reason to waste your energy on revenge. It is better to pay attention to more useful things that will help improve the relationship, and not completely dissolve it.

Talk

Just to understand all the details. You need to talk calmly and honestly, at least for the first time. You need to fully understand the situation:

1. Were feelings involved.

2. Was it intentional? If your spouse has been on Tinder for two years, and only now someone responded to him, and he rushed off to copulate in all the sails of love - this is a bell. Yes, no matter where it is, it’s an alarm bell. Or maybe it was a drunken kiss at a party. Another thing, right?

3. Was it systematic? Maybe this is the first and very drunk time?

4. Does the spouse want to keep the family together? Yes, maybe everything has already been decided for you.

5. Was there any protection? This is not for psychological peace, but for your health. Maybe it's high time to run to the doctor.

Psychologist's advice

How to deal with your husband's cheating? This is a personal matter for every woman. But there are general recommendations that will help you return to a full life. First, you need to forgive your husband and never remember the past again. Secondly, you need to tune in to moral and spiritual growth. To do this, you can find a new hobby, change your image, learn a foreign language, or start reading useful literature. Don't let your household get bored around you. Be positive. This will help you become happy and loved again.