Hatred is a destructive feeling. It eats a person from the inside, causing him to get sick, grow old, wither, and fade away. It’s especially scary when you experience such strong negative emotions towards a loved one with whom you share everyday life, a roof over your head, responsibilities, children... Why does hatred consume families that, it would seem, were born in love and desire? Why are women the most vulnerable to bitter disappointment? And most importantly, is there a way out?
I hate my husband: reasons
In fact, the solution to the problem most often lies on the surface. Many people think that the easiest way is to get a divorce. After all, it’s really impossible to share everyday life, much less bed, with a person you hate and experience the most negative feelings and sensations. What makes a woman live with such a man? Basically the whole problem is in the children.
Many women believe that the child will be best off with his own father. It is because of this that many women tolerate their husbands and live with them, even hating them. However, psychologists believe that divorce or separation from a given person does not always help resolve the situation. The fact is that hatred for a given person can remain even after a divorce.
And this negatively affects a woman’s health. The fact is that hatred destroys us from the inside and significantly worsens our health, not only mental, but also physical. It’s not for nothing that they say that all diseases are caused by nerves. Accordingly, divorce is not the easiest way out of the situation; very often it does not solve it at all. Therefore, try to understand yourself and the reasons for hatred.
Hatred towards husband
Causes:
- Since childhood, many of us have dreamed of a beautiful wedding, a white dress, and a happy family life. Everyone wants great and pure love, for the husband to carry in his arms and give flowers. However, married life is not always smooth sailing. This is due to the fact that in any couple there can be quarrels, omissions, and conflicts. After all, everyone looks at the state of affairs differently. It is for this reason that conflicts occur.
- Thus, over time, resentment towards a specific person accumulates. That is, the woman gradually begins to feel negative emotions towards her own husband. Over time, the feeling of annoyance and resentment turns into the most severe hatred.
- It becomes difficult for a woman to breathe, speak, and live in the same apartment with an unloved person whom she hates. However, very often it is emotional, mental, and financial dependence that prevents you from breaking off a relationship. After all, very often the husband is the breadwinner in the family, so the woman is completely dependent on him. However, before taking any decisive action, you need to analyze your condition and behavior. Very often a wife hates her husband for one simple reason.
- Often, after the birth of a child, a woman devotes herself entirely to her family, although she once dreamed of a good career. Therefore, the woman still has ambitions, but physically she cannot go to work because the children are sick and there is no one to sit with them and raise them. In this case, try to find a way out of the situation and in any case get a job, at least part-time. Now there are options for part-time jobs where you can work part-time.
- Thus, a woman will be able to realize herself in the profession, and somehow unwind. That is, the whole family life will come down not only to pots, but also to one’s own development, as well as climbing the career ladder.
I hate my husband
Requests for help Write your story My husband was in prison for 5 years. I was faithfully waiting for him, went on dates with him, became pregnant, gave birth to a beautiful son. My husband left me 8 months ago, started drinking, using drugs, beating me, and humiliating me. 2 weeks ago I found out that I have a tumor in my head, cancer, from his blows. I’m going to die soon, and he doesn’t even give money for the hospital, medicine, he doesn’t work and doesn’t plan to. He is a stroller, he visits women. I want to commit suicide so that my 3-year-old son does not see me die in front of his eyes. I hate my husband, he destroyed my life. I do not know what to do…
tania, age: 24 / 03/01/2009
Responses:
Dear Tatyana! My mother died of cancer five years ago. But she wanted to live! She fought for her life. Check with your doctor. Cancer patients are provided with a number of medications free of charge. Search the internet for cancer charities. Fight, don't give up! Pray to the icon “Our Lady of All Queens” and read the akathist dedicated to her. If you are in Moscow, then in the Church of All Saints near the Krasnoselskaya metro station: 2nd Krasnoselskaya lane, 7, this icon is located. Don't lose your soul! It will be more traumatic for your son if you commit suicide. And your “husband” will have to answer to God.
Anna, age: 32 / 03/02/2009
Hello Tatiana. Have you tried contacting the police? Is it really impossible to find any justice for your husband? In your case, you also need to think about the child, I advise you to contact the relevant authorities and the sooner the better.
Anatoly, age: 24 / 03/02/2009
Hello! What kind of suicide are you?!! What will happen to your son, have you thought about that??!! How will he live knowing that his mother committed suicide???!!! How will he live without his mother??!! We need to fight - fight with all our might!!! Contact here - “471-21-63 Suicide Crisis Center” - just call and tell us your problem - they will definitely help you!!! DO NOT DESPAIR!!! EVERYTHING WILL BE FINE!!! Another question: why don’t you go to the police? Don't be afraid of anything! Be sure to contact us! And if it’s unbearable to live with your husband, file for divorce! As for your illness, people live with cancer for many years! And people recover from it when they believe that everything will be fine! Just believe it!!! I'm sure your life will get better! Best regards))))
Alexa, age: 16 / 03/02/2009
Dear Tanechka! Take your son and leave your husband as soon as possible. You probably have parents, relatives, and acquaintances who can support you. And don’t dare think that you will die soon. There is such a good writer Viktor Nikolaev, the author of the book “Alive in Help.” In 1991, he was diagnosed with brain cancer, which developed after being shell-shocked during the war in Afghanistan. He was operated on, he is still alive, and has published several new books. You definitely need treatment, and for this you need to live separately from your husband. And your son will be better off without him, what good things can such a father teach a boy! But there is no way to voluntarily leave this life, dear Tanya! You must make every effort to get well. This is your duty to your son; he must have a mother. Go to church, Tanya, talk to the priest, pray, if you don’t know how, just in your own words, ask the Lord and the Most Holy Theotokos to help you in trouble. The Most Pure Virgin Mary will never refuse her mother's request. Hang in there, dear Tanya, may God bless you!
Nataly, age: 46 / 03/02/2009
Tanya, what’s better for your baby to grow up with the idea that NO ONE needs him??? Neither his father, nor his mother, did everyone abandon him? You have a very difficult situation, only a very strong person can survive... and if this happens to you, then YOU CAN LIVE! Live, please! Yes, you are sick. But you have a son! Wonderful son! please live!
Mariyka, age: 29 / 03/02/2009
Tanya, darling! Well, do you want to leave your son with such a father? Do you have somewhere to go? Are you an orphan or do you still have relatives? If you have nowhere to go, then contact the police, at least they will protect you (especially since your husband’s biography is not the best). Be that as it may, now there is only one thing left for you to do - pray to God day and night for help. What is happening in your life now is scary, but there is God above fear and above death. If you decide to commit suicide, then neither you nor your son will have God. Now you are still free to make a choice - either to quietly fade away in this hopeless hell, or to entrust your life with your son to the Lord. You have no idea how your view of this situation will change if you become a believer. And now you have no choice but to believe, because people here are already powerless to help you. Don’t be afraid, go to church, talk to the priest, grab God with both hands and He will not leave you. Hold on honey, hold on!
Marina, age: 30 / 03/02/2009
Tanya, don’t do this, it’s a terrible sin. You will not end your suffering by suicide, but will prolong it forever. In your situation, the main thing is to simply believe in God, and that he will manage everything for the better. Nothing is impossible in life and there is always room for a miracle. Your son should see in his mother an example of the struggle for life, and not see how she gave up. God gave everyone as many years on this earth as he saw fit. We don't know when we will leave, tomorrow or in 10 years, and even doctors can't tell you exactly how long you have left to live. Therefore, hurry to do good deeds, even small ones, destroy hatred, despondency in yourself, forgive and humble yourself, think and do everything for your son, to take care of him. I believe in you!
oli, age: 20 / 03/02/2009
And who will you leave your son with? To a fanatical husband? Tanya, don’t you dare think!!!
Alfarata, age: 20 / 03/03/2009
You have to run away from the bandit and the drug addict! Bless and help, Lord, Tatiana. Everything will be fine with you, dear, you have to believe.
Valentina, age: 45 / 03/03/2009
Tanechka, hello, dear! Go, dear, to the Most Holy Theotokos, to church! Get down on your knees and ask!!! You have someone to live for!!! There are no situations or diseases that God and the Most Holy Theotokos cannot heal!!! Maybe God is calling you to him, come, give him your whole life at his discretion!!! Everything will change!!! Time will pass and you will understand how right it was that you endured moments of despair, believed in the best and entrusted everything to God and the Most Holy Theotokos!!! Tanyusha, everyone has willpower! Build your path as the road to happiness, and follow it with God!!! Clearly define for yourself: you have to live! do everything for this! Cut off everything that prevents you from doing this (I mean your husband, but pray for his lost soul). Tanya, they’ve already written to you, and it’s true! Only God can help you!!! And He will send doctors, and kind people, and everything that will be necessary for your and your son’s happiness! And there, look, a new happy family! Believe in the best and it will happen! God bless you, Tanechka!!!
Tatyana, age: 41 / 03/04/2009
File a police report, Tanya. Collect testimony from neighbors, acquaintances, and relatives. He will quickly be removed to where he came from 8 months ago. A tumor in the head is not necessarily cancer; it could also be an ordinary hematoma from a blow. But brain cancer can also be cured. I have a young relative who was cured and an elderly writer I know. You just have to really want to be cured and not lose heart. Tanya, go to the temple and talk to the priest, you really need spiritual help now. God bless you, dear!
Agnia Lvovna, age: 68 / 03/04/2009
Tatyana, imagine how you would feel if your loved one committed suicide? Now think about how your son will feel... There will always be a way to survive, you just need to really WANT it, without anger and negativity (in your soul) towards other people and towards yourself too. The choice is always yours, every day. With God
zhenchan, age: 33 / 03/05/2009
Girl!!! First we need to save our son!!! He will fall into the clutches of the beast!!! Divorce, deprivation of parental rights!!! Urgently!!!!! There's still time!!!!! Look for guardians!!!! Where are your relatives? We must fight for our son!!! He's just a little baby!!!!!! Fight for the sake of your little blood, do at least something for him, and don’t leave your wolf father to the mercy of fate!!! I wish you a miracle!!!!! God help me!!!!!
Natalya, age: 44 / 03/05/2009
I tried to contact the police, but I live in Moldova where everything is for sale, they didn’t do anything to him and I continue to rot at home. I don’t see the point in living!!!!!
tania, age: 24 / 03/06/2009
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How do you understand that I hate my husband, is it really hatred?
Adviсe:
- Try to persuade grandmothers and husbands to take turns with the child. Find a babysitter if necessary. Indeed, now using the services of a nanny is not at all cheap, so not every family can afford it. Try to communicate with your neighbors. Perhaps there is a retired woman, or a young girl who does not work. They might occasionally look after your child for a small fee.
- Sometimes women do not fully understand what hatred is. Therefore, we recommend that you first make sure whether you really hate your husband. To do this, you can imagine several hypothetical situations. To do this, you need to imagine how you will live if your husband is gone.
- That is, you need to imagine his death or absence. If you notice that after separating from your husband you will begin to live better, there are prospects before you, then you can safely say goodbye to this person. It doesn't let you breathe easy. In addition, it is necessary to analyze what could have caused your resentment, as well as hatred. If a man regularly insults or humiliates you, try to talk to him.
- After all, every humiliation and insult provokes an accumulation of resentment, and, accordingly, an increase in the feeling of hatred towards this person. Therefore, try to look and evaluate what exactly does not suit you about your husband. If you don't like the way he behaves, try to talk and correct the situation. Many men are dissatisfied with the appearance of their wives, especially if this happened after the birth of a child.
Hatred towards husband
I hate my husband - how to live: psychology
Let's fix the situation:
- Indeed, many women simply do not have time to take care of themselves, so they tend to gain extra pounds after the birth of a child. If your husband stops wanting you as a woman, this can leave a significant imprint on your married life. In this case, you need to solve the situation not with your husband, but with your weight. Try to lose weight and improve your physique.
- Observe your husband's attitude towards this. If the problem really was in your appearance, your husband will soon change and begin to show signs of attention to you. Accordingly, you will not hear any more reproaches about your figure from his lips. If this was only an indirect reason, things are worse, try to analyze your husband’s dissatisfaction and what makes him humiliate you.
- The main mistake girls make is that they try to change their significant other. That is, you want to mold your man into an ideal, thinking that this will help you cope with hatred. However, in reality this is not the case. In most cases, you need to change your attitude towards a person, and not try to change him. Hatred is our reaction to a certain kind of behavior, and the partner is not always to blame for this. Because resentment is also a very subjective feeling. A person is not always trying to offend you; very often he wants to joke, or say something completely different from what you were thinking. Very often hatred is born out of nothing. Try to look at your man differently.
Hatred towards husband
Ways to deal with the problem
What to do if a husband hates his wife, and how can this be corrected? These are the questions asked by many women who are faced with a problem. The first advice that psychologists always give when working with married couples is to try to establish a dialogue.
It is very important to talk and not hush up the conflict. Some ladies believe that communicating with their lover will only worsen the situation and give rise to a new conflict. Yes, a man can really become furious at the fact that his secret hatred becomes an object of discussion. However, gradually the lover’s admonitions will have meaning and will result in the couple being able to make contact.
During the dialogue, it is worth finding out why the man’s attitude has changed. Perhaps he learned something extremely unpleasant about the woman, or maybe his feelings simply disappeared. One way or another, you should discuss the source of the conflict and try to eliminate it, because the happiness of both depends on it.
I hate my husband after cheating: what should I do?
The way out of the situation can be one of three:
- Divorce
- Further family life in hatred
- Restoration of relationships, and a second wind in marriage
Of course, the easiest option is divorce. However, very often, as mentioned above, there is a wife’s dependence on her husband. Therefore, for many objective reasons, divorce becomes impossible. In this case, living with hatred means further poisoning yourself. You will acquire a huge number of mental and physiological diseases if you do not stop feeling hatred. Therefore, the only correct option is to change your attitude towards a man.
Try to be the best for him. Also, try to make yourself better and also satisfy your husband's wishes. In most cases, women perceive some omissions as complaints. However, instead of listening and solving the problem, women play offence, and also that the man is always to blame. This is a wrong behavior trend, so try to improve and be the best for your husband. Perhaps in this case he will change his attitude. In this case, your marriage can be saved.
Hatred after betrayal
I hate my husband after giving birth
According to psychologists, there are only four reasons for hating your own husband.
Reasons for hatred:
- The man deceived or cheated . Indeed, after her husband’s betrayal, the wife may feel acute resentment and not want to live with this person. A huge hatred grows in her heart and soul for what he hurt. There are two options here: forgive or separate. Which option is available to you, choose for yourself.
- He didn't live up to expectations . Oddly enough, very often a woman hates her husband for the simple reason that he did not live up to expectations. Although in fact the reason, strictly speaking, lies with the wife. The point is that a person does not have to be what you want him to be. Initially, at the very first stage of a relationship, a woman draws a specific portrait of herself. In the course of family life, it turns out that the husband does not quite correspond to the invented portrait. Because of this, you develop hatred. Although in fact you should have blamed yourself, because there is no need to paint a portrait and make a person what he really is not.
- It seriously poisons your life . Most often this happens in a family where the husband is a despot, a tyrant, a domestic sadist, or an alcoholic, drug addict, or gambler. In this case, the woman constantly experiences negative emotions towards her husband. This is expressed in the fact that the husband is either constantly dissatisfied with his wife, or drinks away his money, offends, humiliates, and beats the children. In this case, it is not the woman who needs help, but the man. Most psychologists think that it is the spouse who should change. The main question is, is he ready for this? As practice shows, 95% of men are quite lazy and do not like to take any categorical steps. Accordingly, the husband is unlikely to go to a family psychologist. In this case, divorce is inevitable.
- He fell out of love. There's nothing you can do about it. In this case, the only correct option is divorce, or life as two friends.
Of all the reasons described above, you can cope with hatred in case of betrayal, failure to live up to expectations, and also if a man has fallen out of love. In the case of life poisoning, you are unlikely to be able to restore your previous attitude towards your spouse and improve your relationship.
A break up
Such a complicated love
How were scientists able to discover the hatred that was hidden behind love? They conducted a series of studies. Participants were asked to think about important and loved people. Then you had to describe your feelings towards them - both negative and positive. Surprisingly, both the extreme degree of anger and the most vivid manifestations of tenderness were addressed to the same person.
After this, the participants took a computer test. It made it possible to capture even unconscious, hidden emotions. First, the name of a loved one appeared on the screen, and after it - emotionally charged words, both positive and negative, such as garbage, blood, dirt. The subjects had to press buttons and thus classify words into groups, negative and positive, as quickly as they could.
Hated husband: is it worth living for the sake of a child?
Many women believe that living with their husband is necessary for the sake of the child. However, in reality, such sacrifice does not lead to anything good.
Adviсe:
- Yes, indeed, not everyone treats adopted children very well. However, there are times when a stranger is much better than his own father. If the husband has a negative attitude towards the child, offends him, beats him, humiliates him, there is no point in thinking about hatred and saving the marriage. The only option is divorce. If the husband really is a good father and takes care of his child, it makes sense to reconsider his attitude towards his spouse.
- Try to make sure that you have a lot of common, good, positive memories. This can be done through regular romantic dinners, going to the movies, or simply taking walks in the park.
- Try to spend more time together, and not yell at each other and sort things out, but communicate normally. Choose some unobtrusive comedy or humorous program and watch it together. Positive emotions experienced together will help correct not-so-smooth relationships with each other. Try going on vacation together.
Breakup of relationships
As you can see, hatred is a negative, poisonous emotion that is born in our hearts, thanks to ourselves. That is, we ourselves invent a bad attitude towards a person, we begin to hate him, in response to some kind of offense. Try not to take it to heart, and treat every comment not with hostility, but treat it critically.
If there is one step from love to hate
Love and hate. Few people know, but these feelings have a lot in common. To think that these are two completely opposite things is to think wrongly, because the other side of love is not hatred, but complete indifference. It will be the absolute opposite of hatred. Think for yourself: with an indifferent, indifferent attitude, we do not waste any emotional energy. But with love (as with hatred), the maximum of our attention is drawn to what or to whom we experience such strong feelings. So it turns out that both feelings are very close and equally emotionally charged, although in one case this charge is positive, and in the other – negative.
