In this article we will talk about what a break in a relationship is, why it might be needed at all, and how to offer it.
Every couple dreams of having a perfect relationship. But, as practice shows, this does not happen. Every couple at least once has such moments when a lot of complaints accumulate and people no longer see any other way out but to break up. In order not to spoil the relationship at all and not to lose the person, some go for a temporary break, that is, take a break. Is it really that effective and is there any point in using it? Let's find out.
What does a pause in a relationship with a guy mean?
Pause in relationships
In relationships, sometimes there comes a period when it is impossible to look at the once loved one without irritation. Absolutely everything about him infuriates him, even his breathing. And it seems like your feelings haven’t gone away, but it’s unbearable to be around him. And his behavior has changed. This is where the distance begins. Why is this happening?
In this case, a pause in the relationship can help to rest and figure out whether you need to continue being with this person. And here it doesn’t even matter which partner offers a pause. Anyone can do this. This does not mean that they will definitely break up. They will just have time to reevaluate their relationship, to look from the outside.
You have to tread carefully
The most important thing is to do everything possible on your part, and if there is no response, you just need to accept it, and not torment yourself with unrequited love. Lovers often go to two extremes:
- excessive secrecy, fear of saying a word about one’s own feelings;
- when there is no longer any strength to endure and emotions have reached the limit, a literal volcanic eruption occurs - streams of lava burst out, burning everything in its path, including the slightest chance of reconciliation.
Beware of both of these two evils, look for a middle ground, be yourself, because wearing a mask and being good, feeling that they wanted to spit on you, will not always work.
Is it possible to take a break in a relationship?
Psychologists believe that a pause in a relationship is quite dangerous. First of all, most couples end up breaking up and the problems are never resolved. At the same time, this method of solving difficulties in relationships is considered to be an avoidance of the main problems. That is, a person runs away from difficulties, hiding behind the need to get a break. Still, in some situations a pause is appropriate. She has certain advantages.
So, among them stand out:
- An opportunity to test feelings . When two people love each other and then separate for a short time, they quickly realize that it is difficult for them without each other. Then they have a desire to improve relationships, and they are ready to resolve all the issues that are no longer bothering them so much.
- An opportunity to calm down . Nobody likes constant conflicts. Sometimes you don’t even have time to calm down. Moreover, out of anger, people often say a lot of unnecessary things, which they later greatly regret. In such a situation, a temporary break will be a good option to calm down and find a way to solve the problem.
- The opportunity to get bored . Temporary separation of loving people makes you bored. After just a few days of separation, they begin to feel sad. This means that relationships can really be improved, which is worth doing.
However, temporary separation also has significant disadvantages:
- Risk of treason. Some people perceive a pause as temporary freedom and go on a spree. This already indicates a lack of feelings for the other. It is unlikely that it will be possible to improve relations even then.
- Complications in relationships . The partner does not always understand why they left him, even temporarily. Accordingly, he may become very offended and ultimately refuse to get back together.
- Withdrawal . In a couple, perhaps the feelings were not so strong, and therefore a pause will allow you to clearly understand this. Ultimately, it will drag on and people will lose the habit of each other.
What if he calls HIMSELF?!
This is quite possible. Under no circumstances should you pick up the phone right away. Answer no earlier than the fourth or fifth ring. And, of course, do not show your joy and interest. A good answer: “Speak quickly! I need to run." Answer to five plus: “Sorry, busy, I’ll call you back” (of course, there is no need to call back).
The purpose of this little exercise is to show the young man that you are not sitting at home, moping, and meditating on the phone screen. And this is his discovery No. 1. You have (suddenly!) your own life, some of your own affairs. They turn out to be important to you. And to find you and gain access to you, you need to make an effort!
Ask colleagues in the office to answer that you are busy or “with the boss.” Let him call his girlfriends, talk to your mother... The answer should be one: “I was there, I went, I didn’t say where.” Let him send SMS or voice messages - which you may listen to, or maybe not... If the guy is smart, then insight No. 2 should hit him. He must understand that your life is no longer under his control! You live on your own. So what? Didn't he decide that himself?
And finally, your “man on pause” should come to understand: you are not just on your own. You are also busy with something, you are having fun and are not bored! You have your own life and your own affairs. And this is insight number 3. Which should be followed by conclusions.
By the way, if he calls himself, this is a direct indication that you are still loved. (Despite all his “I need to think, I think I’ve fallen out of love.”) But this is not the only sign, we talk more about this in the article “Does my ex love me” >>>
How long should you take a break in a relationship?
How long does the break in a relationship last?
In general, if you think that you need a break in the relationship, then you should not stretch it out for a long time. If you and your other half separate for a few days, well, a week at most, and then return back to each other, then this will not go well. But separation of several weeks or even months is no longer good. Then you really won’t be able to restore the relationship.
Basic mistakes
Initially, you need to understand that a timeout does not solve the problem. This is a method for young and ambitious boys and girls who are just learning to build relationships, play love and test the feelings of their partners. Adults use other methods: frank conversation, compromise and argumentation of their own decisions. The main misconception is that separation inflames passion. If there are no feelings, distance will lead to even greater cooling.
A pause will not help, and in some cases it will harm. Before suggesting temporary separation, you should carefully weigh everything and be prepared for any development of events.
Why do girls and guys take a break from relationships: reasons
Psychologists have carefully studied the situation when relationships reach a dead end. People begin to grow cold towards each other and want to take a break in the relationship. First of all, you need to understand that this does not always mean separation. At the same time, you shouldn’t delay things too much, because loving hearts don’t need rest, but sometimes life turns in such a way that harmony is lost.
Problems can arise due to various circumstances, especially since it is sometimes impossible to plan your life. So, the main reasons why there is a pause in a relationship are:
- The romance has disappeared . No matter how strange it may sound, men also love it when relationships are just beginning and there is a lot of passion. Passion gradually fades away in any relationship, but not everyone is able to maintain it. Over time, one or even both partners decide to end the affair. They argue this by the need to maintain relationships.
- Uncertainty about your partner . Not all people rely on their family and friends, especially since ideal people do not exist. Yes, their support is important, but sometimes in difficult situations they do not act and this is upsetting. Moreover, the partner may have a flighty character, which harms the relationship. As a result, there is a desire to temporarily break off the relationship in order to understand oneself.
- Constant quarrels . When a couple constantly sorts things out, it doesn’t lead to anything good. If one person is conflictual, then the second will get tired over time. This will lead to the desire to take a break. If there is also aggression, then the matter may end in separation.
- Treason . Not everyone is able to approach this event constructively. In anger it is very difficult to control oneself, and the victim is still oppressed by despair. The traitor is still dear, but he turned out to be a traitor. And it is very difficult to make any decision.
- Passion for others . Sometimes a partner asks for a break if he is interested in another person, but his feelings for his current other half have not yet cooled down. It turns out that he is, as it were, chasing two birds with one stone. In the end, a person may simply be left with nothing, because when he falls in love with two people, he does not take anyone seriously.
- Stress . People don't always tell their other half about their problems. Closed people try to withdraw into themselves and be alone. They solve their own issues, but for this they need a short pause. In addition, the emotional partner also needs to get himself in order.
- Uncertainty . This can apply to both men and women. It happens that a person is simply not sure whether he needs a chosen one. This is due to the fact that passion quickly disappears and ultimately brings disappointment and romantic feelings burn out.
As a rule, even before the reason for the temporary gap appears, the prerequisites for this arise. In addition, before deciding to pause, you must definitely think about the consequences. After all, losing a person is easy, but getting him back later is a big problem.
Why do people decide to break up temporarily?
This phenomenon has long been studied in detail by professional psychologists who work in the field of personal psychology.
The main reason that leads to the decision to temporarily separate is that the partners realized that they were at an impasse. Moreover, they suddenly realize that they are experiencing alienation, and the former warmth has gone somewhere.
In this state, people want to find themselves in a different situation, to feel their own individuality, separateness from their partner. And this is not surprising, considering that the presence of a partner nearby has ceased to be a source of joy and comfort.
A pause in a relationship has the advantage of not always implying that the story will end with a final breakup. Nevertheless, quite often the pauses drag on and gradually develop into the end of the relationship.
Someone will say that if people love each other, then they don’t need any pauses, because those who love feel good together. This means that all these pauses are just one way to gently hint to your partner that the need for him has disappeared forever, and the feelings have faded away.
But life is much more complex and multifaceted. Every couple can experience crises, and this does not mean at all that feelings in this union no longer live.
At the root of such problems lie, as a rule, various circumstances that did not allow a couple or an individual partner to realize any goals or fulfill a life plan.
Despite the fact that everyone understands that life is often unpredictable, few are willing to accept the collapse of their own hopes due to starting a family.
But among the most basic factors that can lead to alienation in a union, psychologists name:
- Lack of romance. Almost all couples who are in long-term unions face this problem. It may seem that romantic nonsense is not the foundation required for a happy marriage. But without passion, without romance, without courtship and without beauty, it is impossible to maintain a harmonious relationship between the sexes. Unfortunately, after the candy-bouquet period, the romance in the couple gradually fades away. It is replaced by a dull life, life turns into “Groundhog Day”. And living in such circumstances is quite difficult. Therefore, sooner or later, monotony will bring one of the partners or both to the extreme point. A couple or one partner will decide to separate. In this situation, a temporary separation will help to take a break from each other, from everyday life, from the usual course of life. If mutual feelings are still alive in the couple, then such a measure may well save the union and refresh it.
- Lack of confidence in your partner . Complete trust in a couple is very rare, despite the fact that harmonious and healthy relationships can only be built on the foundation of mutual trust. Often one of the partners considers the other to be flighty, sometimes with good reason. As a result, the level of trust in an unreliable partner decreases, becoming lower and lower over time. A state of constant tension, worry, fear, uncertainty - all these negative feelings can ultimately lead to the first partner deciding to break up, because it will be vital for him to get rid of this negative burden and free himself from mistrust. But even in this situation, a temporary separation does not mean a complete break. Perhaps the partners just need a break from each other.
- Constant scandals . Quarrels in family life cannot be avoided, but in some couples they become an integral part of life. Moreover, each time the showdown becomes louder, brighter, more hysterical. If one of the couple has a temperament prone to conflict, and the other does not, then over time the first will mortally tire the second with his constant desire to quarrel. As a result, the second member of the couple will need a pause in the relationship in order to free themselves from the constant oppression of aggression. Quite often in such situations the pause turns into a complete break.
- Treason . This event is difficult for every couple. And not all partners are able to cope with their own feelings and solve the problem quickly and competently. Being angry and resentful, a person can make the wrong decision. Therefore, in such a situation, it would be quite reasonable to take a break from the relationship to calm down, come to your senses, check your partner and his ability to keep his word, and also decide whether you can forgive him. Often, when cheating, pauses drag on, since it can be difficult for the injured party to make a final decision in favor of maintaining or ending the relationship.
- Affairs on the side . A pause in a relationship is not always used for noble purposes. Often they hide behind it in order to try a relationship with another person whom they have liked for a long time. In this case, the person does not risk anything, because if the new relationship does not work out, he will be able to return to the previous one. But if the second member of the couple finds out that his partner has already started a new affair, then he may follow his example, and then the situation will become even more complicated.
- Severe stress . Despite the fact that it is customary for couples to help each other, in some situations a person just needs to be alone. Certain types of stress can be so severe that no amount of persuasion and support will help you get back to normal. On the contrary, the participation of another person irritates and causes aggression. In such circumstances, a break in the relationship is initiated by the partner who is in a state of stress, because he needs to solve the problems that have arisen in a calm environment, alone with himself, to experience grief or simply cope with an emotional upheaval. After this, he will be able to return to the family and continue normal communication with his partner.
- Lack of confidence in feelings . This is also a fairly common reason for breaks in relationships. Over time, people stop noticing the feelings that were previously in the couple. And both from the partner’s side and from one’s own. As a result, people wonder if these feelings exist at all? Perhaps everything has long been overgrown with cobwebs, and we are together only out of habit? To test their own relationships and return passion to them, people decide to take a break.
In most cases in which a decision is made to break a relationship, there is a real threat of its complete termination.
Therefore, you should not take this method of regulating relationships in a couple lightly. After all, the consequences can be unpredictable. It is quite easy to destroy an alliance, but it is almost impossible to gain the trust of a partner again.
How to offer a break in a relationship to a man or woman: tips, recommendations
How to offer a break in a relationship?
When a partner says that he needs a break in the relationship, it is a complete surprise for the other one. As a rule, he does not expect to be offered a temporary break now. He begins to fear what will happen next and what exactly will change. So, with a temporary separation, preparation is also required. You should never put pressure on your partner; this can lead to you breaking up completely.
In this matter, it is important to take into account the gender of the partner. During a temporary separation, a large role is given to the partner, who is the initiator. Moreover, men and women always react differently in the same situations.
A pause in a relationship initiated by a man
Usually men try to end long-term relationships. They even ask for a break most often. Men often have similar thoughts. Usually the reason is a simple misunderstanding, a reluctance to understand and understand your partner, as well as the woman’s demands, perceived as whims.
When a man sees that real problems are emerging, but tries to preserve them through a pause, then he must correctly convey this to his woman. In this case, you should behave like this:
- Analyze relationships . A man must admit that his attitude towards a woman has changed, and also understand why this happened in the first place. If the woman’s bad deed is to blame and it is serious, then a pause is really needed so as not to aggravate the situation and not break up completely. It is important to explain all this clearly to the woman so that she understands the importance of the temporary gap.
- Prioritization. As a rule, it is easier for men to survive a temporary separation, especially if they proposed it themselves. At the same time, maximum attention to the woman’s condition should be given. Convince her that you haven't broken up, but just want to reset the relationship a little. However, if he still realized that he does not love the girl, then he must say so so as not to give her hope.
- Determine the break date. It is always important for a woman to know what period a man implies if he proposes to separate temporarily. Then it will be much easier for her to get over the breakup. Although, even this does not guarantee that the woman will not decide to break up earlier.
Pause in a relationship initiated by a woman
This situation does not occur very often. However, her decision always turns out to be more balanced than that of a man. This is due to the fact that women are naturally more emotional. They feel it's time to shake up the relationship.
Women, when it comes to proposing a pause in a relationship, should also be careful and adhere to several recommendations:
- Preparation . It is impossible to simply state that you want to separate and this is not even discussed. How to give ultimatums. It is better to approach this from afar, gradually explaining that something wrong is happening in the relationship. Well, then we can talk about a method for solving the problem. It’s very good if there are real examples where a couple was able to solve their problems with the help of a temporary break.
- Choose the right moment . A man may have some problems, for example, at work. And just imagine, he comes home from work overloaded, and then you start to sort things out and offer to break up temporarily. It will look like running from the battlefield. In this case, it is better to first wait for everything to work out for him, and then resolve all the issues.
- Choose your words . You must provide complete information and speak clearly and understandably. You need to speak calmly and without any disturbance. It is important not to create illusions for a man. He must understand everything correctly and accept your decision.
Should I take a break and for how long?
The practice of taking a break can indeed be useful; often the spouse considers the other person property due to the presence of a stamp (typical for men). They are sincerely confident that having won a girl during the period of candy-bouquets, having received the coveted “yes”, you can calmly rest on your laurels all your life.
The wife turns into something like a cat; if she wanted to, she stroked her; if she didn’t want to, she pushed her away. Closeness of souls, friendship disappears, life is reduced to solving everyday situations. An offer to live separately can have a sobering effect and force you to rethink your values and priorities.
In some cases, a pause aggravates the situation, contributes to an increase in alienation, and final distance.
Time must be used correctly:
- Relax . It’s trivial to get enough sleep, adjust your diet, add physical activity. Chronic fatigue negatively affects the psychological state, provokes irritability, short temper, and touchiness.
- Think about the situation. Analyze the problem in detail and look for solutions. The priority should be shifted in your direction; blaming others is easy, pleasant, but unconstructive.
- Identify the most conflicting moments , try to look at the problem from different angles.
A pause requires meaningfulness and responsibility from both. It would be a mistake to go all out. The ostrich approach of ignoring the results will not work, just like running away from difficult moments that require elaboration into active flirting, friendly drinking, trips to clubs in search of a candidate for a vacant position. There is a great risk that one will resuscitate the relationship, and the second will go free.
How to take a break in a relationship with a man or woman?
How to take a break in a relationship?
So that both partners are not so uncomfortable and the pause in the relationship does not strain them too much, it is important to adhere to several recommendations:
- Don't push . If you have decided to break up temporarily, it is important not to torment each other with constant calls, confessions and messages. Any pressure in this case is excluded. Otherwise, a temporary break will not have the desired effect and will lead to separation rather than reconciliation.
- Do not use unethical methods. This concerns the manipulations that some people love to use. For example, women scare men that they will not show their children, men threaten suicide.
- Periodic communication . Partners don't have to completely leave each other's lives. They need to communicate at least sometimes so as not to forget from each other. At the same time, everything should happen in a friendly environment without any conflict.
- Summarizing . When enough time has passed and both partners are ready to talk and sum up, this must be done. In the end, it is important to find a solution to how the relationship will develop further.
The most important thing is to decide on the behavior of each partner during this difficult time. This is what will help not only maintain, but also improve relationships.
No support
In a relationship, it is important to encourage your partner when he achieves something, and to provide support if he is surrounded by troubles. In this case, the process must be mutual. If this does not happen, the relationship resembles communication of the “parent-child” type: one educates, takes care of, and the other only uses. This is a sign of an unhealthy relationship that you should leave.
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How to resume a relationship with a girl or guy after a break?
Some people are afraid to take a break from a relationship because they think that their partner will not understand anything and will think that they have decided to break up with him. However, if you understand that a pause is simply necessary, then offer it. However, remember that you have not broken up and you still have obligations to each other. You should not perceive this period as a time for permissiveness and look for new relationships or simply start affairs. If you decide to improve your relationship, you should behave calmly and not put pressure on your other half. Give her time, or yourself. And only then make the final decision.
Consequences of a break in couples
Several scenarios are possible here.
The relationship will end
Even if you lived the “time-out” period correctly and productively, be prepared for the fact that its consequences will be unexpected for you. For example, you may realize that your partner is valuable to you, but he, on the contrary, decides to go his own way. And in this case, it is important to accept his decision, no matter how painful it may be for you. If you decide that it’s time to break up, then it’s important to honestly tell your other half about it.
A “second wind” will open
It may also happen that you both look at each other in a new way and your feelings will sparkle with renewed vigor.
Is it worth taking a break in a relationship: a psychologist’s opinion
Should you take a break from your relationship?
Psychologists are sure that a pause in a relationship is almost always suggested by one person. This happens when something is very unsatisfactory or the relationship is at an impasse and it takes time to think whether it is worth continuing at all.
As a rule, this happens after a quarrel, when a person leaves, but no one talks about the fact that this is a “pause”. That is, everything happens by itself.
But when a partner says in words that he needs a break, this usually does not lead to anything good. Although, every rule has exceptions. It is possible that both partners are exhausted and need rest. It also happens that everything ends well for them, they cope with all the problems and understand that the person is dear to them.
The most important thing is to remember that you won’t be nice by force. If you can’t reach an agreement, then it’s time to part ways.
The meaning of a pause in a relationship
Usually the initiator of temporary separation is the girl. Her secret goal is to make the guy change his mind and see what will happen in case of separation. The girl hopes that the guy will start to get bored and that the separation will inflame passion and the old hot feelings. The chosen one will imagine how bad it will be without a bride or girlfriend, and will do everything possible to keep her. A guy thinks almost the same thing when he offers his chosen one a time out in a relationship.
You need to think carefully before suggesting a break. Temporary separation does not always lead to heightened feelings and inflamed passions. Sometimes it leads to separation and the end of relationships. When a person is nearby, there are points of common ground with him: common issues that are resolved together, situations that require a reaction.
If one partner disappears from life, and the other gets along well without him, he ceases to be afraid of the end of the relationship. When the fear of separation disappears, and only memories remain, you can call it a day.
The meaning of a pause for a man and a woman is to check feelings and sensations, forcing the partner to think about their future fate. The result of a time-out is the resumption of the relationship or a complete cessation.
Is it worth taking a break in a relationship: reviews
Many people look for answers to their questions on forms. And indeed, sometimes people there give practical advice, because they themselves have already been in a similar situation. The pause in the relationship is also actively discussed. We invite you to read a few people's opinions:
Reviews 1
Reviews 2
Reviews 3
Reviews 4
Reviews 5
There is always a chance
Is everything really so hopeless? After all, it happens that couples come together again. Of course, such situations do occur. But this requires desire on the part of both partners. No doubt, no one is perfect.
It is extremely difficult to date a person for at least a year and not make a mistake. There are no saints among us, and ideal relationships, like a blue sky without a single cloud, exist only on the pages of books. If the initiator of the temporary break rethinks the situation and changes his line of behavior, everything has a good chance of working out. It often happens that after a pause in a relationship, a new round of feelings begins.
There is a wonderful film by American director Jerry Rees, “The Marrying Habit.” According to its plot, the characters, played by Kim Basinger and Alec Baldwin, appeared at the altar five times. Their story is full of passion and vivid emotions, although, of course, it was not without difficulties. However, the partners, one way or another, returned to each other's arms. Those who are in deep thought about the further development of their own personal life will find it extremely useful to take the time to watch this romantic comedy.
