It often happens that when a girl breaks up with a guy, she sobs into her pillow for several days, then goes on a spree with her friends, then makes an appointment with a psychotherapist and, after a long period of self-healing, finally begins to feel self-confident and pay attention to other men. But as per the law of meanness, just at the moment when life is getting better, the ex appears... Asking to give him a second chance. Is it necessary?
It is clear that many girls find it difficult to resist in such a situation, old feelings flare up with renewed vigor and all that. But do you really think that he has changed and now you will definitely live a long and happy life with him? Take off your rose-colored glasses. We'll tell you why your ex got the idea of getting you back and what you should pay attention to.
He's trying to get to know you better
It’s worth noting right away: messages with birthday or New Year greetings do not necessarily mean that the ex-lover intends to renew the relationship. Perhaps he just wants to maintain friendly communication. But if the correspondence becomes more personal and the person regularly asks how you are doing at work, what’s going on in the family, or simply asks what your mood is and how you spent the weekend, this may indicate that he is trying to get to know you again and regain lost trust.
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Doesn't make eye contact or acts strangely when meeting you
If he can’t look you straight in the eye, then there are two reasons for this: he regrets letting you go, or he doesn’t know what to say. In any case, this is a good sign.
A change in behavior is another sign that your ex is still thinking about you. Some changes will be noticeable immediately, while others will take some time to come to the surface. Remember that being friendly doesn't always mean anything.
When you see each other again, he may either be glad to see you, or show with all his appearance that he is in a bad mood. Both can be a good sign. If he's happy to see you, he's probably bored. Regardless of how the couple's breakup occurred, friendly behavior shows that its purpose is to create comfort between you. If you're moody, you're probably upset about the breakup. Either way, try to stay positive.
He monitors your social networks
Often, after a breakup, couples unfollow each other on social networks: this does not necessarily indicate resentment - it is quite possible that people simply do not want to embarrass each other by publishing photos from their new lives. However, if your ex keeps a close eye on your social media—viewing stories, liking, and leaving comments—it's a sign that he's still thinking about you.
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Doesn't take things for a long time
One of the reasons for a new meeting is things left with an ex-girlfriend or wife. This is the perfect chance to see how they treat you after a breakup. If feelings are still strong, then there will be no rush to return things. In the best case scenario, your ex comes over and then calls a few days later to say he forgot something else. It is likely that this was done on purpose.
If everything is taken away at once, then he still feels offended, angry, etc. This happens especially often when everything ended very badly. Therefore, if things are still lying around, then there is hope.
If you want your ex back, never return things yourself. Once this happens, the relationship is truly over. If you need another chance, then under no circumstances burn this bridge.
Don't rush things and don't despair. If you take your time, this situation will be on your side. Take some time off from communicating with each other, which will allow both of you to think and miss each other.
He takes responsibility
Admitting mistakes and trying to correct your behavior pattern is the surest signal that a person still loves you and wants to return you. We often tend to put the blame on our other half for a breakup, but if your ex has admitted his share of the blame and apologized to you, it means your love still has a chance.
Instead of a conclusion
It is very important to remember that you should not focus on any one of the signs: individually, any of these signals may mean nothing. But when taken together, they can actually serve as evidence that your relationship still has a chance.
But before you make any drastic moves, consider whether to give your love a second chance. It is important to make sure that you both accept and understand your mistakes and are ready to change. And the most important thing is to remember the main reason for the separation and understand what has changed since then (and whether it has changed). Otherwise, you risk stepping on the same rake again: most often, you should make a strong-willed decision to finally break the painful connection and move on.
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Appears where you do
How to understand that your ex wants to come back? If he randomly appears in the same places as you, then this is either a sign of jealousy or regret. Either way, it's good.
Many people who used to be a couple have mutual friends, which means that sooner or later you will end up in the same place together. At this moment, pay close attention to his body language (facial expression, movements, etc.), and then you can understand how he feels.
When people meet for the first time after a breakup, they don’t know how to behave and choose the tactic of distancing. But this in no way means that he doesn’t care. On the contrary, perhaps the meeting will stir up feelings.
Psychologist's advice
- You need to understand that your current life together will be different from the previous way of life . But if you don’t agree on some points, you won’t be able to let go of the negative. Spouses need to understand how they will resolve disputes, whether they are able to change their views and forget about the past.
- We need to build new relationships together. If only one side puts in the effort, nothing will come of it.
- When agreeing to take a man back, you should not remember his mistakes . Expecting constant apologies can turn into a scandal.
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Should I take it back?
Reviving a marriage is always a difficult process. Most often, the reason for the breakup was the man’s misconduct. When the ex-husband wants to go back, the wife faces a serious choice. Let's speculate.
For example, a couple reunited.
At first everything goes perfectly. But suddenly an event occurs that caused the breakup. Maybe the breakup was due to male infidelity. And now betrayals are happening again. In such conditions, a new separation is inevitable, only this time it will be much more difficult to survive.
Most likely, the woman does not want to experience torment again. Therefore, before agreeing to revive the union, you need to figure out why the partner wants to return.
Important ! It is necessary to categorically refuse a man to return if the feelings have not yet subsided, the woman experiences aggression and hatred towards her former half. You also cannot agree to a new relationship if the spouse intends to repay her partner in the same coin.
!— Yandex.RTB RA-461895-21 — >
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Fear of Rejection
Rejection poses a huge risk to the ego. That's why sometimes a guy makes a timid attempt to get back to a girl. He makes a one-time call or message and doesn't try to do anything else. This allows you to place all the blame on the girl, saying that she did not take retaliatory action. This is less painful to the ego than saying, “I never even tried.”
Deciding whether your ex wants you back is a bit like reading a foreign language without translation. Because an ex who wants you back will most likely do the opposite of what you expect. Here are four signs that your ex still feels love for you.
SMS without continuation
The above algorithm describes a happy development of events. But in this way, only 1% of 1,000,000% of exes return. So let’s face it and, in order not to suffer, let’s immediately wisely cut off all the bridges:
- Greedy. If your dad holds a high position or you are the headman at the university, He will decide that you should not miss the opportunity to communicate and gain benefits. Therefore, he will write periodically, maybe invite you for coffee.
- "Spare." He has a girlfriend, but he has problems communicating with her. In order not to be left alone in the event of a breakup, he keeps you on a “short leash”. If everything goes well, he will loosen his grip. This often explains why an ex is actively texting at first and then suddenly disappears.
- Abuse. This is the saddest option, when He turns out to be not just bad, but a real maniac. He takes pleasure in the sight of a broken heart, tears and prayers. Therefore, he flies in from nowhere, sprinkles with beautiful words, gives sweets and flowers, and when heaven comes, he disappears. And so on in a circle.
What to do next?
By this point, you should have already understood whether the ex-boyfriend wants to return, at least in general terms.
In fact, this knowledge is a double-edged knife. On the one hand, if you doubt whether he still has feelings, then you cannot start a new relationship. On the other hand, if you know 100% that he misses you, you will want to speed up the process of getting back together as much as possible. What, as mentioned above, cannot be done.
We have dealt with the first case, but what should we do with the second? How to behave correctly?
The secret here is to keep your emotions in check.
If you want him back, the only thing you need to do is not make contact and keep your distance.
Lack of contact reinforces what the partner already has. If he is truly bored, then some constant lack of communication will fan the spark into a real flame. Depriving attention, the ex will need it more and more. The moment you finally get in touch, these feelings will overwhelm him.
Here are the recommendations:
- Don't be the first to contact. Let the ex do it himself, especially if the initiative to break up came from his side. Do not rush to call or write if very little time has passed. Let him think about what happened.
- No sex together if it continues after the breakup. This behavior may cause problems in the future.
- Don't write to him more often than he does.
The main rule is to keep a little distance all the time. Let him take the initiative himself.
To answer or not
Situations are different. It’s one thing if He showed up a week later, when feelings are still bubbling, and another when years of a long recovery from depression and building new love on trust have passed. The same applies to situations where a guy leaves you cruelly or humiliatingly, and then writes as if nothing had happened. If your past relationship was toxic, a harmless “hello” can throw you off balance. Therefore, psychologists recommend not to give in to calls and letters if this causes unpleasant feelings. It is even possible to block a subscriber by adding them to the “black list”.
But there are also happy stories when the breakup took place on a friendly note, or the romance is so beautiful and passionate that the memories of it cover the mental pain of the breakup. Then the past time can finally hide all the bad things, leaving in memory only memories of an ideal man, with ideal actions. And now He writes again, which means he didn’t forget, he loved, but you shouldn’t be sure of it. You need to be careful, pause and not open up completely:
- Determining the motive. After the greeting, it is necessary to build non-binding friendly communication. At this stage, you need to keep yourself from emotions, without promising anything.
- Continue communication. If a man wants to win a woman back, he will do everything to keep her attention. But the most important thing is that he will offer to meet, and not just correspond for months. Of course, this should be a cafe, a park or your favorite joint vacation spot. Important - no hints of intimacy! At the first meeting, you should also avoid developing events too quickly.
- Renewal of love. It is worth understanding that it will not be the same as before. If you decide to get back together, then love must undergo a complete rebranding.
The cognitive dissonance
According to psychology, “cognitive dissonance refers to a situation involving conflicting attitudes, beliefs, or behaviors. This causes a feeling of mental discomfort, leading to a change in one of the attitudes, beliefs or behavior in order to reduce the discomfort and restore balance.”
Basically, what someone thinks doesn't agree with their actions, and they feel terrible until it's resolved. This internal struggle usually manifests itself as extreme self-sabotage until the person deals with it.
Let's say your ex breaks up with you, but then he gradually decides that he can't live without you. He will naturally try to make his actions consistent with his own beliefs until the pain becomes too great. He will remain broken for a while and will not be ready to try to come back again because the actions are consistent with past beliefs.
He doesn't want to go back to saying "I want to break up" even though he might end up doing that in the future. The situation will bother your ex until he decides what to do. However, the seeds of doubt must take root before anything happens. Hesitation, mistakes, and behavior that doesn't make sense occur.
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