Do you know what Google search is one of the most popular among women?
“How to get back... your ex, current, husband, boyfriend, someone?” I have one question: “Why?” Because the position of “returning the relationship” looks something like this: the hunter killed the hare, but continues to run after it. Already exhausted, the lunch hare is far behind, but he still runs, runs, runs...
Yes, this happens - relationships end and always for different reasons.
In my opinion, it is better to analyze why this happened and what to do next time. If you don’t want to do this, I’ve prepared a couple of tips that will help you get back into your relationship and add harmony to it.
Don't give yourself a complex
Stop thinking about relationships from the perspective of “I’m bad.” Analyze, weigh the pros and cons. Just don't run to your friend for advice.
Think with your own head more. Gatherings with wine usually do not end in something productive. It all comes down to “men are assholes” and “he doesn’t deserve you.”
And it all ends in self-flagellation, because there was at least some, but now there is no one at all. And there was no need to show off, you just had to accept him as he was.
Then you shift all the blame onto yourself and run after the killed hare to ask for forgiveness. Think about it. If you still haven't changed your mind.
You need time to take a break from a date
You are near an energy vampire if you feel physically exhausted.
So says interpersonal relationship consultant Dr. Jennifer Rhodes.
Emotionally sensitive people usually do not immediately notice the signs that someone is draining their strength. If you just ended a date and you're feeling exhausted, take some time to think things through. How do you usually spend your day and why do you need a whole weekend to recuperate? Try to figure out who exactly is taking your energy. If this is your partner, you might want to consider making changes.
talk to him
Yes, yes, I know, someone will consider this advice too banal, and why even talk to him about it?
However, fortunately or unfortunately, people know how to express their thoughts and intentions in words. If you still haven't explained yourself to him, try talking to him.
Just without hints or reproaches, say directly what you think and why you want everything back. Find out how he feels and get feedback.
If you want a productive conversation, conduct it calmly, gently and in a feminine way. I tell you in detail how to communicate with a man so that he understands you in my free author’s online course Man: Honest Instructions.
If a man is tired of a relationship, it means it was tense. This means you didn’t behave like a real woman, and he didn’t feel like a normal man.
This happens when partners do not hear or understand each other.
Change your behavior strategy. Remember on what grounds the conflicts occurred, what irritated you. Such situations are the norm for any relationship between a man and a woman. The only question is how the partners get out of this impasse.
Some use it as an impetus for development, others lose touch and disperse.
Your partner doesn't fulfill you emotionally
The easiest way to tell if your partner is taking all of your energy is to immerse yourself in how you feel when you spend time together. In most cases, we are accustomed to not noticing how we feel moment by moment, however, the important things come from the little things. A text your partner sent you or going somewhere together can all trigger feelings that will help you identify how your partner influences your emotions.
Over time, the days that were special to you will become routine and no longer give you those butterflies in your stomach. But it’s worth asking yourself, does this fact make you feel emotionally drained? Do you really put off answering calls and messages or do you avoid spending time together? Even the shortest answer or phrase can show how your relationship affects your emotional state. By answering these questions for yourself and analyzing your feelings, you can understand whether you are filled with positive emotions when you are together. If you feel empty, take this call and talk to your partner.
Jealousy is an extreme
This moment might work. But I’ll say right away - this is dishonest, this is manipulation. You can get his attention back if you give him a reason to be jealous.
If you show that everything is fine without him and a new candidate for your hand and heart was already waiting for you around the corner when you parted ways.
BUT... Let's face it: if you're reading this now, you're falling asleep alone. There are many reasons for jealousy. The main thing is to think about the time and place.
You won't be happier and neither will he. If the man changes, the problems will remain, so I recommend working on your world map.
Do you always feel like your partner demands too much?
If you are emotionally overwhelmed by your partner's demands and feel that this is too much, then it is worth noting that this is not just about him. Perhaps there is nothing reprehensible in his style of behavior, it’s just that your reaction does not match his. What is normal for one may be too much for another. Constantly fighting over these misunderstandings is another sign that you are emotionally exhausted. Everyone has their own limit and boundaries of personal comfort, it is worth taking them into account if you want to be together.
Admit your mistakes
I will not open America if I say that admitting your mistakes is hard. Always. Firstly, for this, you need to at least trust yourself. Secondly, have courage.
Yes, it takes courage and initiative to admit and tell your man that you were wrong. If it was really only you who was to blame.
If the noun “courage” still surprises you, perhaps you are one of those women who believes that only a man can (or worse, should) apologize and admit his mistakes. No, that's not true.
There is also a category of women who think that admitting a mistake is the same as bending over and putting a man on their neck.
This is nothing more than a myth. Everything will happen exactly the opposite: by admitting your mistakes and giving a man the opportunity to take the helm of your relationship, you will do better, first of all, for yourself as a woman.
Do you dream of being alone
New York-based relationship expert and author April Masini says:
You breathe a sigh of relief when you get the chance to spend the weekend alone. If you're spending more energy on your partner and their needs, then a break sounds much more rational than a breakup.
Of course, there is a downside to this, because if you are impatiently waiting for your partner to leave you alone, then you should think about the value of your relationship as a whole.
If a weekend alone is a reason for fireworks and shouts of “Yeehoo,” if you are overjoyed at the opportunity to be alone, then this is a sign that your partner is emotionally destroying you. Of course, a break is good, but if you don't get bored when your partner is not around, then it's time to think about the meaning of your relationship.
Remind me where it was good
Yes, for this you need to resume communication. And bring the conversation to the point that everything is not so bad. The two of you just need to make a choice in favor of a relationship. Moderate selfishness and pride and learn to find compromises.
Remember the moments in which you had fun together and use them as fuel and motivation for a second chance.
Unfulfilled communications are a separate story. Especially if everything was fine and you swore to love each other until the grave, were going to get married and have children with a dog, and then suddenly it all ended.
Few people think about WHICH woman these promises were made.
In love, soft, feminine, radiant - this is exactly what a woman of the candy-bouquet period looks like.
And then you moved in together. And you decided to order him where to sit, what and when to eat, who to meet, how many times to go to his mother and not put his feet on the table and what to do, because you know better.
Did you do this too? Confess in the comments.
Honey, if you just “cut him down”, the situation can be corrected. Show yourself from the other side. Love is a very important, but not the main point in your relationship with a man.
He promised to marry one, but in everyday life he saw a completely different woman. And it’s not surprising that he changed his mind.
Analyze your behavior. I guarantee that along with your condition, your relationship changed, you just didn’t notice.
Why does your partner get tired of the relationship?
When men enter into a relationship with a woman, they first of all see her as a sexual object. And this is right for them, initially. Because these individuals of the human race are designed in such a way that they choose the object of their passion according to the principle: I want to see her in my bed. And the first “bell” that a guy is cooling off towards a girl can be precisely her intractability in intimate matters or her complete refusal to have sex.
There are several more reasons for guys to cool off towards their chosen one:
- He got used to his companion's actions. When a guy is not surprised by anything for a long time, does not expect anything special from his girlfriend, then boredom and disappointment set in;
- He is not allowed to be himself in a relationship, an independent unit whose aspirations and needs are listened to. And the woman literally suppresses him;
- He feels the need for a more passionate relationship, not content with the quiet and calm development of the current ones. Perhaps before that he had a girlfriend - a scandal, or a lady - a holiday, when communicating with whom he was in constant good shape and expecting miracles and surprises, albeit not always positive;
- Lack of novelty. The very existence of people presupposes their spiral development towards improvement and acquisition of new knowledge and skills. Stagnation, cyclicality and boring constancy can gradually ruin a guy’s desire to continue such a relationship;
- Lack of intimacy, lack of sex. This part of the couple's reciprocity has a special need for men. And if a girl, for various reasons, does not give the young male body a full-fledged and high-quality intimate relationship, then such a couple will not exist. It is worth understanding and remembering that a man can forgive his girlfriend for not preparing dinner or not ironing a towel, but not for periodic refusals of sexual intimacy. Nature has created our bodies in such a way that intimacy is a vital necessity for normal human functioning. High-quality, regular sex, in addition to mutual pleasure, is a powerful protection for the physical and psychological health of both men and women;
- Differences in the expression of feelings. Men, unlike women, are more primitive and straightforward creatures. They are not inclined to guess and be tormented by doubts. Guys prefer frankness and do not like hints. In the notebooks of Ilf and Petrov there is the following phrase: “He did not know the nuances of the Russian language and, therefore, always told the woman: I want to see you naked.” This is how many men are built. And they don’t understand women’s grievances about direct and open proposals. This aspect must be taken into account before expecting cute words or a fluffy bunny from a brutal macho. Don’t “get” men and don’t change them;
- He has realistic expectations for the future of your couple, and the girl has high expectations and expectations for her boyfriend. Some ladies behave like Alla Zakharovna from “Love and Doves,” accepting a simple man for communication, and then demanding from him the actions of a medieval knight. It doesn't happen that way. A miner will not return from work smelling of roses, and a dropout will not quote Kafka. And a man, discovering that he does not live up to his girlfriend’s expectations, will be surprised and then bored, due to his inconsistency;
- He is not in love with his girlfriend. This is a couple that exists only due to circumstances, i.e. almost without feelings;
- There is an assumption, which over time becomes less certain, that he no longer expects anything new from his companion, since she is uninteresting and rather predictable. Monotony and boredom are sad companions that often walk side by side.
The lack of age or moral readiness for a serious relationship should not be discounted.
Conversations wear you out
If you are tired of conversations with your partner, then rest assured, this definitely indicates emotional devastation, the cause of which may be your partner.
Relationship expert Noah Van Hockman says this:
It can start with feeling tired and then develop into irritation. Perhaps you are really just tired, but if this situation repeats regularly, then soon any little things will bother you. If after every argument you want to say: “It doesn’t matter,” and then leave, slamming the door, then you are definitely dealing with an energy vampire.
Picks on appearance
You have gained weight, lost weight, but everything will not be the same for your chosen one. You hear: “get plastic surgery,” but the whole truth is that your partner is tired of you and he doesn’t want a relationship with you.
Sign up for our psychological consultation (Moscow), in person or Zoom:
Psychological violence, recovery from abusers and narcissists, breaking up with an abuser, changing abusive behavior, self-esteem, the “no longer a victim” program, relationships, loss of meaning, nice (comfortable) person syndrome, age-related crises, existential problems, loneliness, relationships “adult children” – parents,” and more...
About us/Make an appointment
How to understand that a man is going through difficulties
Photo by Pavel Danilyuk: Pexels
In an effort to remain strong and resilient in your eyes, a man can remain silent about the troubles that have happened and hide his inner experiences from you. Unable to express emotions, a person accumulates them within himself. Over time, the realization comes that fatigue is not due to specific reasons, but has become chronic and constant.
Emotional stress is one way or another reflected in everyday activities and the nature of communication with others. If you notice changes in his behavior, it means that the very peak that provokes a breakdown is just around the corner - it’s time to take certain measures.
What criteria can be used to judge a man’s fatigue:
- excessive irritability;
- apathy, predominance of sad mood;
- refusal of usual leisure options;
- thoughtfulness, absent-mindedness;
- desire to spend time alone.
Your task is to carefully and tactfully find out the causes of fatigue and find the right words of support. The most important thing is not to provoke, intentionally or unknowingly, even greater aggression, to behave in an identical way and “attach” personal grievances to the matter (for example, to take revenge for the fact that once a man himself did not pay attention to your fatigue and did not behave like that , as you would like and expect from him).
