One percent of the entire world population are psychopaths. A psychopath is not the kind of person who is waiting for you with a prison in a dark entrance. This is not a serial killer or an inmate of a mental hospital. This could be your colleague who gets away with any tricks at work. Someone's "perfect" ex who suddenly ran away with someone else one day. Or a completely ordinary guy who made you coffee in the morning.
There is only one difference between a normal person and a psychopath - psychopaths have no conscience. They hurt and do not feel the slightest sense of remorse or guilt. They are able to imitate normal human emotions, but do not actually experience them. Compassion, love, trust, forgiveness - these emotions make you vulnerable, and psychopaths only use them to influence you.
Any outside observer will not be able to identify a psychopath. They are often nice, friendly and charming people. But if you get close to such a person, then life turns into a nightmare. Fairy-tale relationships mutate into a mess of cruel mind games. Does this sound familiar to you? Here are 10 warning signs that you might be dating a psychopath. Data collected from real stories and surveys on the Psychopath Free website.
What did scientists find?
Normal people are not attracted to psychopathy.
In general, people do not find psychopathic traits particularly attractive in any form of relationship - be it dating, short-term or long-term relationships. Across the board, expressed preferences for psychopathic traits were low, averaging no more than 4 on a scale of 1 to 10. However, some psychopathic characteristics were considered relatively more attractive than others. On average, people found traits associated with self-focused impulsivity to be particularly unattractive compared to traits of fearless dominance. These findings reflect research on narcissists: that their selfishness often appears (at least on the surface) as bold and self-confident.
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He provokes you all the time
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Testing the depths of your tolerance for manipulation, a psychopath constantly finds new reasons to provoke a partner through difficult, dramatic and ambiguous moments.
He can openly flirt with someone in front of your eyes, and then say offendedly that you are again jealous of him for no reason. Or he may not answer calls for days, waiting for you to get out of the rut and then sadly conclude that you are being dramatic again.
Fell, woke up...
Borderline disorders are not always an inherent personality trait. They can appear after suffering exogenous hazards: head injuries, neuroinfections (encephalitis, meningitis), intoxication, including alcohol surrogates, which adversely affect the brain. But most often these are injuries.
A person has an accident, gets hit on the head, a year and a half passes, and suddenly the one who was previously calm and balanced becomes hot-tempered, irritable, picky, and does not tolerate alcohol well. As a rule, such people react to changes in weather - their mood changes, irritability increases.
- What should be done in this case? - Professor Makushkina continues to explain. — If an injury or severe infection occurs, you need to get help from a neurologist: nootropics, vascular drugs that improve the functioning of the brain, must be used in courses and not just once, but for a long time. The reversibility of symptoms depends on the severity of the injury, the person’s ability to recover, age and treatment. In any case, this disorder will not go away on its own.
Professor Oksana Makushkina
Photo: Pavel Orlov / Lenta.ru
Prepare for the worst consequences
Psychopaths can redirect all the arguments said against him against you. Get ready for his counterattacks in the form of slander, spreading gossip, and refutations of your words: “it happened for other reasons,” “we were children and it is impossible to remember the reasons for what happened,” “she was under severe stress at that moment,” and so on. ... An attack can look different. If your communication consists of correspondence on the Internet, through social networks, then he can use them against you by starting to openly comment on your photos on Instagram, discuss you in VKontakte groups, and the like.
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Researchers weigh in on the results
Given their young age, students tend to have less relationship experience than adults. Therefore, they probably have no idea how problematic relationships with psychopaths are. Young people have not yet experienced partner infidelity, violence or emotional pressure.
Although women may express a general preference for psychopathic men, such enthusiasm may wane or even disappear due to negative romantic experiences.
Indeed, research shows that women's attraction to pathological personality traits tends to decline with age. In both men and women, psychopathic characteristics are a significant reason for divorce. The flair of romance of a “not like everyone else” partner very quickly disappears, revealing the ugly truth.
"Rule of Three" and breakup
If the topic of how to morally defeat a psychopath is too complex, and we are talking about a sadistic husband, friend or work colleague, then experts advise taking the least difficult path. First of all, you need to pay attention to how a psychopath behaves. If this is not the first time he insults, humiliates, or, even worse, beats, then you should not tolerate such an attitude towards yourself. The first few times you can forgive such behavior and try to understand the person. However, if he drives household members into hysterics with enviable frequency, then it is worth moving on to drastic measures.
Only ending the relationship will help minimize losses and preserve your psyche. Although this seems like a very difficult and impossible step, you need to understand that as soon as you manage to free yourself from a psychopath, a new life will begin, calm and happy.
Intelligent books on communication
- “How to Talk to Assholes”, Mark Goulston - “Never Eat Alone”, Keith Ferrazzi and Tal Rez - “We turn on the charm using the secret services method”, Jack Schafer and Marvin Carlins - “Secrets of Great Speakers” - James Humes - “ Key Negotiations”, Kerry Patterson, Joseph Grenny and Ron McMillan (in the process of reading, but already enjoying it)
Several book reviews: - 30 smart books on business, self-development and creativity that changed my life - 5 best books for an aspiring entrepreneur + 1 advice - 5 books that will help you think outside the box and why it is important right now
Why do women become attracted to such dangerous people?
There can be many options: from the desire to feel like a rebel to hopes for a more exciting and adventurous life. Many criminals are “stars” of sorts; a lot is said and written about them, people are attracted to this. Self-esteem problems, usually resulting from past psychopathic relationships, may also be the cause. The desire to become involved with a dangerous person can also be driven by a desire to control and have power over someone who needs you more than you need them.
Two types of ill health
“If we talk about the problem of mental illness,” continues Oksana Makushkina, “the medical community adheres to the classification of diseases. Currently this is ICD-10 - International Qualification of Diseases, 10th revision. In accordance with it, mental disorders are divided into two large groups: severe, pronounced disorders, and less severe, so-called borderline ones.
The first group includes schizophrenia spectrum disorders, in which control over behavior may be largely lost. A sick person has a changed worldview and relationships with other people, and often there is also a pathological motivation for behavior. If such a person commits illegal actions, there is a high probability that he will be declared insane.
The second group includes personality disorders, or in the old terminology - psychopathy, as well as neurotic disorders. Personality disorders, or psychopathy, affect, according to various sources, from 4 to 15 percent of the world's population. Among the causes of occurrence: genetic predisposition, upbringing, consequences of stress and mental trauma, violence suffered, including sexual violence, head injuries.
Personality disorders differ from character accentuations in a greater degree of severity. That is, these are character traits, but greatly exaggerated. The line is quite thin, but accentuations are not as stable over time as psychopathy and do not lead to social maladjustment. On the other hand, what distinguishes personality disorders from schizophrenia is that they have virtually no dynamics throughout life, that is, they do not develop. People with personality disorders, if they commit a crime, are usually recognized as sane and are held responsible for their actions.
