In her iconic novel Gone with the Wind, Margaret Mitchell wrote: “Strong men are called to command, and weak men are called to obey.” Of course, then the role was not about sexual practices, but this idea became key to classifying people into dominant and submissive ones in relationships. In BDSM practice they are called dominant and submissive. Each has its own psychological characteristics and certain roles in intimate and everyday life.
Division into dominant and submissive
In BDSM, all participants are divided into submissive (top) and submissive (bottom). This is their orientation. There are people who combine the ability to be both. They are called switches. Most men and women can occupy both roles, alternating and having an interesting experience. They will simply perform worse in one of the roles than the other. We have collected everything you need to know about dominance and submission in the article at the link.
In personal life, there are problems between people who have the same temperament. For example, when both are not ready to submit or make concessions. The same is true in BDSM - a dominant cannot get along with a dominant, just like two submissives. Therefore, each participant is looking for an ideal pair of compatibility.
To understand which role is more suitable, a person must listen to his inner voice. It happens that men who have to command and control actually dream of complete submission to the “mistress”. You can also try to try on the role of both, and then decide in which case the person was more comfortable.
According to data obtained on the basis of the works of Deryagin G.B. (teacher of criminal sexology) and the book of American authors “Sexual bondage: a review and unobtrusive investigation”, the roles are most often distributed as follows:
- The role of dominant is chosen by 71% of straight men and only 11% of women.
- 12% of gay men become dominant.
The remaining percentage are people who choose the subordinate role. Thus, dominance is more typical for heterosexual men.
Emotional investment of the parties
A more liberated person, ready for humiliation and radical influences on his body, is more suitable for the role of a sub. Less emotional and cold-blooded, confident in his actions - for the role of the top. A submissive is often a woman, but “mistress” is not uncommon among the fairer sex.
According to surveys among BDSM club members, in more than 40% of cases the practice is used in married couples, and just over 30% among lovers.
Regardless of the relationship status, emotional investment should be the basis of games between partners.
Details of the dominant role2
This is the name given to a participant in a BDSM relationship who is the leading partner during the game (session, “action”). He dominates the other, which is manifested in orders, punishment, as well as tying up, spanking and other actions towards his partner. The Dominant is also called Top, Top, Master or Dom.
A person can simply pretend to be like this, or he can actually have peculiarities of his moral and psychological state that make him a leader in life. In the second case, such a person needs a companion of a submissive type, with whom a close relationship will be most comfortable. A true dominant will not be attracted to types other than the submissive. Then he needs a permanent submissive partner. Dominance in BDSM is the only comfortable state for him in close relationships.
Levels of development
Femdom is a subtle concept. It is wrong to come to him quickly and spontaneously. Partners should prepare themselves, especially the man, since for him the image of a person who obeys may be unusual.
Elementary
Here a man is just learning to obey. He needs to learn to pretend to be a well-mannered person. He will always give a woman a seat, carry her bags, open doors for her. In this way, the man will gradually get used to doing everything to please the woman and satisfy her needs.
Higher
When a man goes through the initial stage and gets used to serving a woman, he becomes her personal slave. From that moment on, he listens to her in everything and unquestioningly follows all her instructions.
About the submissive3
This is the name given to a participant in a BDSM relationship who is a slave. That is, he completely submits to his partner, obeys his orders and accepts punishments and rewards, acting as the dominant partner tells him. Also called Bottom, Slave or Saba. If a person enjoys this, then he simply plays the role of a subordinate during the game. But there are also those who have such a character that makes them dependent on other people, their decisions and desires. Accordingly, they choose a partner of the dominant type.
Psychological motives sometimes provoke a person to become a submissive. For example, this is a great opportunity to get rid of the fear of losing your partner. The fear that he will leave for another, more socially successful or externally attractive person, combined with strong feelings, often pushes women to take such a step. After all, BDSM is something that gives the Dominant almost unlimited opportunities, a kind of “exclusive”. The submissive will not have to conform to others, as he is already special.
Dominance Hierarchy
Leaders of social groups did not appear in our century: dominance has reached us from primitive times. A strict hierarchy helped our distant ancestors survive in the harsh conditions of the primitive communal system. A similar division of social positions is also inherent in herd animals, however, in modern human society, hierarchy and leading positions are not so categorically visible. Nevertheless, the hierarchy is preserved, and each member of society occupies his rightful social positions.
Conditional division into leaders and subordinates in society:
- alpha type;
- beta type;
- omega type.
The alpha type includes the leader of the group, the dominant. Alphas are not afraid to take charge, compete with other alphas and win the battle. These are, as a rule, selfish and wayward individuals who know how to quickly navigate changing circumstances and make the only right decision. Agree, not everyone can cope with this! Group leaders are aggressive and assertive, do not tolerate objections and consider their opinion to be the only correct one.
Beta people do not strive for a leadership position, but under circumstances they can lead a social group. However, in other conditions they can occupy omega-type positions and unquestioningly obey a stronger dominant.
Omega-type people are passive and do not think about dominant positions. They do not tend to strive for competition: a quiet life is much more important than worries. They are happy to obey leaders and do not seek to change their social status. Omega-type people make up the majority in any society.
How does human society differ from animal society? In the world of people, one and the same person can occupy all three levels of the hierarchy at the same time. For example, the father of the family may be the dominant one among his household, occupy a beta type position among his friends, and be an omega at work.
Relationships between Upper and Lower4
When a submissive and a dominant meet and mutual sympathy arises between them, such a couple is called a thematic couple. The relationship between them takes on a 24-hour format. That is, they constantly live in such a way that one dominates and the other submits. In the BDSM community this phenomenon is called “lifestyle”. It is much less common than just sexual games of Mistress and Slave in BDSM.
“Ordinary” relationships that do not have a BDSM color are called “Vanilla” in society.
Lifestyle is characterized by drawing up a special agreement between the parties.
Head turns, what are the advantages
Our next topic is head turn, I also learned it from the girl. I was driving, we were talking and she turned my head towards her. It’s a great thing if you need to kiss, if you need to say something special to a girl, don’t say “turn to me” there and so on. You grab her chin and turn her head towards you.
Just pay attention, there is one nuance here. You don't have to take it with two fingers like that.
Try to pick yourself up and move your head, you will realize that your finger has moved towards your teeth, pressing on them, all this is painful and unpleasant. To prevent anything from driving you anywhere, you don’t need to put pressure on your teeth, you need to grab this bone, the bottom one.
That is, in order to ensure that nothing moves out of your way, you place the third finger here.
And then, like a wand, you take her head and turn towards you.
This is one way. This method works on a tense head and neck.
Second way. If the girl’s head is 100% relaxed, then feel the bone here, push your thumb exactly behind the bone.
If you relax, your finger will fall there. Accordingly, you grab this notch, and the walls of the jaw serve as a great support for you.
You can easily return a human head.
Contract between dominant and submissive5
This is a classic element of BDSM relationships between a Top and a Bottom. Even though there may be love, devotion and deep emotional involvement between them, the ritual of making a pact is still present.
A contract is a document consisting of several sheets. Of course, it has no legal force; these are the couple’s personal records. It spells out all the rules of relationships between partners, not only of a sexual nature, but also of a simple “everyday” nature. By signing this agreement, Saba gives herself into “slavery” to the House. The person at the top cannot force him to sign it; the document must be discussed in advance and, if possible, corrected, and then both participants put their signatures.
Why is this paper needed? Firstly, it is a special symbol of the connection between partners. As long as this agreement exists, their relationship is valid. Secondly, clearly defined rights and responsibilities of participants facilitate communication between them and prevent conflict situations. Thirdly, it spells out everything that the submissive is ready to do if the dominant wants it (punishment, practice). The rest is “taboo”. Thus, the document is a kind of security factor for Nizhny. And lastly, the agreement maintains trust between partners if both parties clearly adhere to its rules.
A lot about the agreement is told in the first part of the book and film “50 Shades of Gray”. The main character Anastasia Still had the opportunity to familiarize herself with the document before she entered into a BDSM relationship with Christian Gray.
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Dominance Closely related to the characteristic antagonism of type VIII is dominance. We can say that antagonism serves the purposes of dominance, and dominance, in turn, is an expression of antagonism. In addition, dominance serves as a means of protecting the individual from
Sensorimotor dominance
CHAPTER 22
CHAPTER 22 MAX WAS RIGHT. It was time to stop. But Joseph still surprised himself when on Monday morning he entered Ward No. 13 and announced his full recovery. Nietzsche, who was combing his mustache while sitting on his bed, was even more surprised. “Recovered? - exclaimed
CHAPTER 7 A LITTLE THEORY. CHAPTER WHICH COULD BE AN INTRODUCTION
CHAPTER 7 A LITTLE THEORY. CHAPTER WHICH COULD BE AN INTRODUCTION HOW WE ARE STRUCTURED THREE STORIES Each person is like a three-story house, where the subconscious lives on the 1st floor, consciousness on the 2nd, and social and parental on the 3rd floor
PART I. SECRET COERCION OF PERSONALITY AS A WAY OF SOCIAL MANAGEMENT Chapter 1 Chapter 1 Evolution of technologies of power
PART I. SECRET COERCION OF PERSONALITY AS A WAY OF SOCIAL MANAGEMENT Chapter 1 Chapter 1 Evolution of technologies of power Over the course of thousands of years and especially the last centuries, there has been an evolution and improvement of technologies of power and social management in society.
Chapter 16
Chapter 16 1. Blanton (2005).2. dw-world.de/dw/article/0,2144,3333396,00.html. Corrected October 13
Chapter 17
Chapter 17 1. Weick (2001).
CHAPTER II
CHAPTER II Mohammed was the son of happy Arabia. The Arabian Peninsula is a combination of endless sandy deserts, rocky mountains, wild barren places with places of unusually picturesque oases with a source of water and life, fruit trees and green grass. But
CHAPTER III
CHAPTER III So, the Arabs, according to legend, descend from Abraham, through his son Ishmael. The descendants of Ishmael settled throughout Arabia and, according to their lifestyle and activities, were divided into two classes - nomadic and trading. The merchant lived mainly along the seaside and inhabited those small towns
CHAPTER VI
CHAPTER VI When Mohammed was forty years old, he had his first divine revelation, which had an extremely stunning effect on him and fatally threw him into the service of God. This was at Hira, during a time of fasting and prayer. Mohammed fasted diligently and spent days and nights in prayer.
CHAPTER VII
CHAPTER VII Arabs from all over Arabia gathered for festive celebrations at the Kaaba. Mohammed took advantage of this opportunity to spread his teachings. He walked among the arrivals, looked out, listened, and, if he found favorable ground, tried to convert them to his faith. So Mohammed
Attributes in games between a dominant and a submissive6
During “sessions,” the dominant and submissive use special accessories that allow one partner to increase their influence on the other. The most popular types of sensory deprivation (limitation or deprivation of external input to the senses) are gags, masks and blindfolds. Dominants use devices for spanking, which are divided into:
- Hard ones – paddle or “spankers”;
- Flexible, such as a stack or rod;
- Movable - whip, whip or flogger.
Fixation and bondage are provided in a variety of ways - from the usual handcuffs and collars, to large installations and spacers. Bondage can be made of ropes, chains and belts. It ensures complete immobility of the partner. Used on a submissive.
Interesting: According to Russian marketers, after the premiere of the already mentioned film “50 Shades of Gray” in Russia, sales of accessories one way or another related to BDSM practice increased by 20%.
Sex toys are also widely used: nipple clamps, anal plugs, vaginal balls, feathers, etc.
Everything for lovers of light BDSM is collected in our article.
Chapter 4. Dominance
Chapter 4. Dominance
Let's move on to the second attractive male quality - dominance . It is expressed in the fact that guys who dominate in any social group are the most sexually attractive to women in this group. In classical psychology this is called the alpha male theory. Alpha is number one.
In the wild you can find many examples of similar hierarchies. For example, the closest relatives of humans - monkeys - have a pronounced hierarchical structure. In a pack there is always a dominant male, who can be easily identified by his behavior. He is often in the middle of the pack, moving slowly, raising his head and lifting his tail. His movements are slow and confident. The look is calm, appraising.
Scientists have conducted many experiments, and it turned out that the amount of attention that the leader of the pack receives is significantly greater than that of other members. The leader is the first to gain access to resources - be it prey, amenities, or a place to mate. The leader always has a company of friends, beta males, who are also respected and, if necessary, can lay claim to the position of leader. Remember Biff Thanon and his friends from the movie "Back to the Future". Well, the weakest individuals in the social sense - gamma males - are some kind of unattractive dregs of society who do not get either resources or sex.
And before I tell you how to learn to use this quality in seduction, answer me this question: why does the society in which we live need leaders? What kind of stupid idea is it to submit to someone, share resources and women?
It turns out that the idea is brilliant! Look around: any society is chaotic. This means that if it is not regulated, then the whole order will collapse, chaos and anarchy will ensue. Remember, at school we learned that the strongest government system is a monarchy, when all power is concentrated in the hands of one person - the king. The dominant man or leader is a kind of regulatory body in the group. And when society entrusts management to one person, he regulates order and controls that everything is fine in the territory entrusted to him. Also, the leader is responsible for everything that happens, which is very convenient for everyone else.
When a girl pays attention to a dominant guy, she is doing the right thing. If she has a connection with him, then she and her offspring will have everything: resources, protection, confidence in the future.
You might now be thinking: “Well, I’m not like that!” Okay, let's say you are the most downtrodden, modest and insecure guy in your city. You dress in gray clothes, walk somewhere on the edge and look at your feet. But are you a conscious person, since you are reading this book now? This means that you can realize and begin to demonstrate the behavior of an alpha guy at the right moments! And I, like no one else, can teach you this, because in the past I myself was like that - a downtrodden nerd who did not understand how to communicate with girls at all!
I propose to find out what signs a dominant man has.
Firstly, he has a territory - this is his physical dominance. Leaders always take up more space than other guys. When they communicate with someone, they always choose a more comfortable and spacious place than the interlocutor. Their body movements are free, unfettered, the movements of their arms and legs are wide. They stand in the center of the room, going through the central places, and not somewhere on the edge.
One day, my students and I met in a cafe to discuss the signs of a dominant man. We sat at one large table, and I told them that you can lay out your things on the table to mark your territory. Imagine everyone’s surprise when it turned out that on the table around me were my phone, car keys, glasses, and at a distance of one meter from me, on top of one of the guys’ wallets, was MY wallet! He really marked the territory.
When you walk down the street, try to walk in the center of the sidewalk. Always, no matter where you go, you can find a virtual line running exactly in the middle from the edges. A good example would be a dance floor in a nightclub. You may remember that on the dance floor there is always a certain “path” along which people come to the back and then leave so as not to disturb others. As a rule, such a “path” is located at the edge, so as not to disturb the rest of the dancers. If you are dancing on the dance floor, then do not be afraid to walk through the dancers, through the circles in which they stand, and take a place in the center. Smile and show everyone that this is normal for you.
If you occupy the correct position in space, then you will be able to feel the second effect of dominance: more attention from others will be focused on you. Try to occupy territory that is under the attention of other people. For example, if you come to meet girls at a nightclub, then the best place is the walk-through area with the maximum amount of traffic.
I have a friend, Alex, and one day we met on the stairs leading to the entrance to the academic building. Since he was shorter than me, he used this trick: in a conversation he stood up a step higher, which compensated for this shortcoming. However, I made a reservation, using steps is just a small trick. In fact, Alex compensated for his short stature with a confident, dominant demeanor. When we were standing near the building, he noticed a girl who was studying in the same class as him. “Nastya,” he said, “come here!” She came over and smiled.
— What pair do you have next? - he asked confidently.
“Drawing...” she answered.
-What are you talking about there? - he asked quite brazenly, pointing to a sheet of Whatman paper sticking out of her bag. I knew he was just demonstrating leadership behavior, so I wasn't surprised by his intensity. Until he told her:
This is where I realized that I could dominate even more.
Well, imagine: you’re a girl, you’re in a hurry to get to a class, then a guy from a parallel group, with whom you haven’t really communicated, stops you and begins to conduct a personal examination...
- Okay, well done, run for a couple, otherwise you’ll be late! - Alex gave the last instructions, put the drawing back into her bag, and, pay attention, the satisfied girl moved on.
Now I’m no longer talking about physical, but about psychological dominance , when in a dialogue a man is morally in the lead and steers the process.
To imagine the format in which dominant guys communicate, remember the gopniks from your childhood. For example, you go to visit your friend with the same package. Here a gopnik comes towards you. Having noticed him, you hide your gaze, slouch your shoulders and hope that he will not notice you. But fate is unkind - he says loudly to you:
There is nothing to do, you head towards him, hoping for a good outcome. And then he begins to process you with standard questions:
- What district are you from?
- Do you have money, cigarettes, or a mobile phone call?
Well, or a completely perplexing question:
Notice how you seem to have to justify yourself when answering these questions. I call this the evaluative frame.
Frame is an imaginary frame that determines the degree of adequacy of roles in a conversation. It is appropriate for a gopnik to ask questions, and it is appropriate for a victim to answer them adequately. If you suddenly behave inappropriately, for example, remain silent, then the gopnik will remind you who you are and ask one more question:
-Are you also deaf?
To establish an evaluative frame, you need to take the initiative and be the first to ask questions. A question is like a hoop placed on top of a person and fetters his arms and legs. If the interlocutor is constrained, then control over the communication remains with you.
What will happen if two gopniks meet? Then a wonderful spectacle will happen in front of us, which you also need to learn - reframing . It looks as if two people are butting heads - until one of them caves. For example:
- Who are you to ask?
- What are you carrying in the bag?
- For what purpose are you interested?
Why do I so often cite various gopniks as examples in my trainings? Yes, simply because there is something to learn from them. They are antisocial, but, oddly enough, their other attractive qualities are at their best. The most beautiful women I have ever met were hit on before my eyes by a tight-fisted guy in a tracksuit and a cap pulled down over his forehead.
I was walking along the main street of the city and noticed three very beautiful girls. It looked like they had just parked their Mercedes, Porsche and Lamborghini and went out for a walk. Several other people watched the picture with their mouths agape: a real Gopnik was picking on them in real time. The most amazing thing was that they reacted very positively - they looked at him, laughed at his jokes and were not going to hide anywhere. I don’t know how that story ended, but I still consider that gopnik one of the best seducers I’ve ever met in my life.
The behavior of a dominant man can easily be expressed in the freedom of his actions:
• talk to whomever you want;
• listen to whoever you want;
• evaluate whoever you want;
• touch whatever you want;
• look wherever you want;
• be wherever you want.
Whenever you are in society, certain restrictions begin to be imposed on your behavior. For example, you can’t allow yourself to stare too obviously at some girl because you think that she will be shy. You cannot suddenly interrupt a conversation with an interlocutor who is not interesting to you, because you think that you will act uncivilly. You can’t just immediately come up and start communicating with a girl you’re interested in, because you’re shy about the people around you. And a lot of other things that make you behave differently than you want. A dominant guy doesn't give a damn, he behaves the way he wants, and he doesn't care about the opinions of others. When for some reason you do not do what you want to do, your energy is negatively charged, and this is repulsive.
Does this description remind you of anything?
To be youreself. Certainly! How many times have you heard this phrase from girls? You need to learn natural behavior! Natural means sincere, genuine, not dependent on external circumstances.
For example, many guys try to adjust to a girl using the phrase “Me too.” For example, she says that she likes the movie "Saga" about vampires, and such guys say, "Oh, I like that movie too," in the hope that they will become closer to the girl through such commonality. Listen, if you don’t like a movie, then speak your mind directly: “So how long are you going to watch children’s fairy tales?” But if you agree on something, then notice it.
The main thing is to be yourself, and not a driven loser who does not have his own opinion.
Since a dominant man is associated with a person who can be trusted, you must learn to take full responsibility on yourself. Many of us want girls to write to us themselves, to invite us to our homes, and even to pay for dinner in a restaurant.
Once I hosted a talk show in one of the city's establishments. And we arranged something in the format of “speed dating”: the guys sat down at the tables with the girls, and they had a five-minute date. When the time was up, the guys moved to the next table. And, as usually happens at such events, among all the girls there was one the most beautiful. After finishing, ten guys stood in a circle and discussed this particular blonde. I was interested in this fact, and I took her number from one of the guys. After some time, we called and met. Nastya (that lovely name again) turned out to be very active. You probably also know girls who try to dominate communication - “let’s go to the cinema, not a cafe,” “let’s sit there,” “let’s go there.” For example, when we met, she refused to go to the cafe I wanted to go to, so I took her coffee to go and took her to a beautiful place to watch the sunset. It was simply impossible to plan a date with her. After three unsuccessful meetings, I realized that it was better for us not to communicate. Too often I let her take the helm.
And if similar situations have happened in your life, then know: the girl is active only because you allow her to do so. Understand that she herself does not know and should not know how to behave on a date. She tries to steer only because you yourself drive weakly. You need to lead from the first minute of communication. Never listen to a woman and do not change yourself under her leadership.
About a month later I met a very nice girl in a nightclub. I opened everyone in a row, and when I approached her, I asked: “What nationality are you?” Apparently, the question puzzled her, because she watched me for a long time. Seeing this interest, I again began communication with her, this time deeper.
It turned out that her name is Sveta and she lives with me in the same house. Having agreed that we would go home together, we continued to have fun. I expected to bring her home right away, so at about 2 a.m. I sent her a text message: “Let’s go, it’s getting boring!” To which I received the answer: “Mmm, let’s do it later?” Here it is. The girl is trying to take the steering wheel from me. At first I wanted to agree, because I had already planned everything and wanted to seduce her right today, but then I decided to act like a man. I didn’t answer anything, took a friend, two girls, and we moved to a 24-hour sushi bar not far from the club. Two hours later, an SMS came from her: “Where are you?” I didn’t answer that either because I was busy with one of the girls. Having already woken up in the morning, I saw this SMS and called her only in the evening. When she asked why I left without her, I replied that the party had turned sour and I didn’t want to wait for her. In response to my offer to meet, Sveta again tried to persuade me to come pick her up, since we live in the same house. Already knowing that you should not give a woman control, I lied that I was on the other side of the city and that it was better for us to meet on neutral territory in the center. After some hesitation, she agreed. But after 10 minutes a message came from her: “It’s very cold outside, can you still pick me up?” To which I, embittered, did not answer anything. As a result, after three days of my persistent proposals and her attempts to take control, I was finally able to have sex with her, bringing her to my home to look at her collection of aquarium fish. We dated for some time, and very often she said that she was attracted to my leadership position, that I was not like everyone else, etc.
Moral: listen to the woman and do the opposite.
Decide where, when and how long you will be together on a date. What will you do there and when will you start touching her. If she tries to make her own adjustments, invite her to meet another time when she is free. Even if the date falls through because of this, you will position yourself in the right way. Do you know what happens to guys who give women control? They become henpecked, which has nothing to do with seduction.
Very often this happens when you invite a girl to your home, but she does not agree. First of all, make sure that you dispose of her possible cockroaches regarding liability.
For example, you see that it’s already late, you invite her to go somewhere unknown and for how long (or rather, you both understand why and for how long you are going). It is obvious that the girl is worried about her safety. In this case, I usually say that I will personally take her home or put her in a taxi and write down the number. Be responsible, these are pleasant chores.
When you go on a date, don't expect the girl to throw herself at you with kisses. You are the first to approach, the first to start a dialogue! Use all the gentlemanly things - hold her by the elbow when crossing the road, open the door to a cafe, help her take off her outerwear, walk behind her when going up the stairs, and in front when going down. Also show dominance when communicating with the waiter, voice the order and be the first to ask for the bill.
Another important point is your comfort. For example, during a date with a girl, you should be relaxed and feel comfortable. Many times I have observed this picture: guys are nervous on a date, don’t know what to talk about with a girl, sit crookedly, fidget, their hands shake, their eyes shift.
Why is comfort so important when seducing? Because in the entrusted territory, the dominant man feels comfortable, just as a lion behaves in his territory. Accordingly, wherever you are, try to feel comfortable, including with a girl on a date. There is one technique, I call it “Master of the House,” which I myself once used. To feel comfortable in a new place, for example, on a date with a girl, start touching objects that are around you. You can touch the girl too, I will teach you this in the chapter on sexual escalation, but for now you can move the cutlery on the table, arrange the napkin holder, salt shaker, ashtray in a different order, adjust the pillows on the sofa. In just a minute you will feel calmer.
If you come to a nightclub or cafe to meet girls, then walk around it as if you worked there as a security guard. Look at the people, is everything all right around them? Is everything in order? Touch the wall, the table, check the restroom. Nobody forbids you to approach a bored waitress and ask her about anything. At some point, you can even imagine yourself not as a security guard, but as the owner of this establishment! Everything around you is yours, your home is everywhere, and today you have guests. This will also help you relax.
I hope this chapter has finally convinced you that in relationships with women you need to be a man who can decide what and how to do. If you are a soft-hearted henpecked man who listens to a woman in everything, then she will not value you as a man. Dominate, it's easy!
This text is an introductory fragment.
Continuation on liters
Safety precautions7
During the “action”, responsibility for the health and life of the partner lies with the Upper One. But it is worth noting that Nizhny must determine in advance the acceptable limits of possible impacts in order to protect himself. Subsequently, these frameworks may change, but only with the consent of the submissive.
Also, during a BDSM session, “safe words” are used. This can be any word that the Saba uses to notify the Top to stop (or relax, if so agreed upon in advance) the BDSM activities. The dominant, in response to the safe word, must stop immediately. If the session takes place without such notifications, then the House bears even greater responsibility.
If you use equipment and practice incorrectly, you can cause injuries. Since it is the Top Partner who leads the process, he has the full degree of control over the situation. He must understand (at least at a minimal level) anatomical features and have some medical knowledge (first aid). When using devices, the partner must follow the safety rules specified by the manufacturer in the instructions. He needs to be attentive to his partner, careful.
In addition, if one of the “BDSM toys” or practices is used (for example, smothering), the Dom must have experience using it and understand the strength of its impact.
Safety regulations
Before you start playing, you need to find out if your partner has any health problems. In this practice, the woman has a great responsibility. She must be careful not to go too far with a man.
Partner's consent
BDSM is a direction in which partners must find mutual understanding. A woman cannot just start humiliating a man, this will be regarded as violence. Both parties must come to an agreement and discuss all the details in advance.
No unnecessary cruelty
The dominant woman must gain power not through cruelty, but through the ability to create the appropriate mood. Her voice should be so powerful that the man doesn’t even have the thought of trying to object. She cannot show pity, she must act clearly. Moreover, if she went too far with harshness, the man can always say a safe word so that the mistress will stop.
BDSM relationship statistics8
A recent study conducted by Times and Cosmopolitan magazines together with specialists from European universities showed that about 30% of adults in Western countries have a craving for BDSM. At the same time, they are latent fans of the practice, that is, they hide it from others.
A study was also conducted among community participants in the United States. It was organized in 2000 by psychologist Gloria Brame, who is a specialist in the field of BDSM psychology. More than 7,000 people took part in the survey.
As it turned out, among the participants there were most people aged from 26 to 40 children (47%). Many of them had tried to leave the community (36%), while 32% said they had never thought about it. Most often, such relationships are built between spouses (41% of respondents) and lovers (35% of respondents). The remaining percentage was distributed among virtual partners and friends. 2% of respondents practice thematic relationships with prostitutes.
Popularity of femdom
Femdom is a common concept. It is found in the genre of erotic photography, fine arts, cinema and literature.
In literature
No matter how strange it may sound, femdom was popular in the works of the classics. Vivid examples:
- "Black Obelisk", Erich Maria Remarque;
- Venus in Furs, Leopold von Sacher-Masoch;
- "The Happy Prostitute" by Xaviera Hollander.
Contemporaries also do not ignore the topic of female dominance in their works. For example, it can be clearly seen in “Role Plays in Adulthood” by Andrei Gusev.
In anime
Sexuality in anime is often sanctified. There are also stories where femdom meets. Among them:
- xxxHOLiC;
- Kaibutsu Oujo;
- Zero no Tsukaima;
- MM!;
- Prison School.
This direction has quite a lot of fans.
In porn
BDSM is a popular section in pornography. Femdom is also an integral part of it. Someone is watching how a mistress humiliates her slave because she cannot afford it with her partner in real life. Someone watches and learns new tricks in this craft.
Tendency to dominate9
In “vanilla” relationships, there is also a tendency for one of the partners to take a dominant position. No matter how hard people try to seek compromises and achieve equality, more often there are couples where one partner (consciously or not) serves as the leader, and the other as the follower.
The distribution depends on certain characteristics in the couple. Each person is an individual, but dominant companions have several qualities that make them that way. Read interesting facts about male dominance at the link.
How to be a dominant so that a girl likes to obey
We live in a patriarchal society that is undergoing reformation due to feminism and trends towards equality. More and more girls strive to be leaders: both in study and work, and in relationships. But many guys don't give up. There will be a compromise, because there are leaders and followers of both sexes, and there has never been and never will be a single gender norm in this. If you want to know how to control a woman, how to be a dominant and manipulate a girl, what kind of dominant guy he is, then this article is for you.
They depend less on relationships10
This can be either an emotional attachment to a partner or a material one. Men, in most cases, earn more, and women depend on him in this regard. If a lady loves her partner more than he loves her, then she is ready to do anything for him, and accepts the role of a “submissive,” stepping over herself in the name of love. She cannot dominate, because what is more important to her is how her partner feels, and not herself. Men also take this role, but less often.
How to teach a man to dominate a woman
First of all, you should learn how to properly dialogue with her. The scenario of your life is determined only by you! Not her, not your mother-in-law, and not your parent - you! Where to go on vacation, what apartment to buy, when to have children and change your car - your decisions. By the way, most women will only be in favor of throwing life’s problems onto strong men’s shoulders.
Never crumble in front of her, even if you feel very bad. Your weakness and despondency are her trump cards in the future. He will definitely remember to destroy your maleness! This is the essence of women - they test a man’s strength. Those who fail the test drive are sent to the squad of “nerds” and “not men.”
The smaller a woman we are, the larger she is of us! There is still common sense in this saying of wise poets! There is no need to run after her, seek meetings at the cost of a night vigil under the windows and pull her out from under another dog. Let her take the initiative - queens pass by, especially those who are in favor.
For those who like to dominate, we offer a chic BDSM section in our sex shop, where you will find cool toys for adults! There is literally everything for beginner dominants and professional BDSM practitioners! Try, experiment, look for your range of preferences that bring pleasure to both you and your submissive.
Set your boundaries, which she has no right to violate. When crossing territorial borders, an inevitable shelling follows. If Saturday means beer and a bathhouse, then it will be like that on any Saturday. The only exception will be your desire to change plans. Manipulations like “you don’t pay attention to me”, “I don’t feel cared for” and in a similar spirit pass by. In general, listen less to women’s chatter, which is half filled with absurd nonsense and crooked emotions.
No comebacks if she decided to leave for Vasily. Let him live with the clown. Completely ignore and the “fuck ten women” program will help you. Do not be a backup option, under any circumstances! Your manipulators must learn that “I’ve had enough, I love you back” will not work.
Don’t be a “big-eared” lover, and all the “bunnies” and “cats” that she had a dozen before you do not apply to you. You can call him affectionately by name, but common slobbery nicknames are ignored.
As for sex, your desires for her should not be an empty phrase. Refuses a blowjob? This means he doesn’t love, because a loving woman will want to please her man. She had a blowjob before you and didn’t like it? It turns out she sucked someone else! You are not a high-ranking male in her perception, that’s why they screw you over with oral sex. Send such a princess through the forest.
Women's whims and menstrual mood swings are treated by ignoring them. As soon as the passion begins to behave incorrectly, you should immediately let her understand and realize that she is wrong. It is necessary to show that after such offenses the attitude of the beloved man towards her will change, and not for the better. You should remain in a state of complete indifference (feigned, of course) until the girl begins to try to improve or regain her partner’s favor. Do not allow any provocations to control your consciousness.
Do you want a girl to perceive you as independent and awesome, to obey you, to look you in the eyes like a devoted dog? Give her something in return. It’s rough, but true: pussies don’t flow for a long time if your dominance is not supported by anything financially. Women's goodies must be present. Or change partners more often if you want free sex and dominance.
In fact, you don’t need to show your dominance and superiority 24/7. It’s enough to prove yourself a strong man in a couple of cases, and then you can cry together over “Hachiko.”
We scratch correctly
Let's move on to scratching. This will be interesting for both men and girls. The first thing we need to know is that you can only scratch with blunt objects, there should not be any edges: it could be a dull knife or even the back side of the knife, some similar special devices.
Now girls, also listen to how it’s done, this applies to you too. There's no need to get caught up like that.
I understand you have a passion there. But before the passion, please stroke the back, then stroke it harder and then you can get into it. In the video about frictions, I talked about a ladder, you can have the same effect of a ladder, or just incrementally. When you immediately grab and dig in, even for me, I’m a masochist in the past, even for me it hurts and I have to get used to it. And this is how you try to grab an ordinary person.
Accordingly, now for the men. You usually don’t have claws, either grow them or take something similar in your hand.
Never take spicy food. Accordingly, you start in the same way with light stroking, and then harder and harder. It is impossible to cut in the case of blunt objects, with some strong impact there will be scratches, there will be some red and then white stripes and they will go away. This is about scratches.
Another topic is when we put our fingers in a girl's mouth. In principle, there is nothing special here, there is only one rule. We put our fingers in her mouth and play with her tongue, but not with her throat, this is not a penis, you don’t have to push your fingers far. Sticking it there up to the first phalanx will be more than enough. Please note that somewhere on the second phalanx we have exactly the part that is responsible for the gag reflex, you don’t need to push your finger that distance, the first phalanx is quite enough for you.
